


Caged Birds Don't Sing

by Raven_Hallowryn



Series: Caged Birds and Tamed Bats [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: (i cannot stress this enough- the abuse is not brudick), A/B/O, Alpha Bruce Wayne, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Bruce Wayne, Baby Damian Wayne, Brudick - Freeform, Child Abuse, Depression, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Dick Grayson, Omegaverse, PTSD, Pack Dynamics, Pregnancy drama, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romani Culture, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags will be updated, Torture, Whump, all aboard the Dick Grayson pain train, brudick is endgame, deathstroke is not a nice person, dick suffers a lot, domestic abuse, graphic child death, graphic depictions of pregnancy and childbirth, mentions of arab culture, mentions of brucetalia, mentions of catalina flores, mentions of dicktalia, mentions of jasontalia, mostly dick pov, not between brudick tough, now with NightGhost, obviously romani dick, talia is not a nice person, the tarantula trauma, these tags are a mess, well it's domestic abuse from the kid's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 48
Words: 269,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21845419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Hallowryn/pseuds/Raven_Hallowryn
Summary: Dick Grayson has loved Bruce Wayne since he was a teenager but takes a traumatic event to hurtle him into the alpha's arms.They could have been happy... If life wasn't so hellbent on tearing them apart.Cue Talia Al Ghul and her nefarious plans.Will Bruce and Dick survive the test of time? Will all the secrets come to light or stay buried forever?
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Heretic (DCU), Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Bruce Wayne, Dusan al Ghul/Dick Grayson, Heretic & Damian Wayne, Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Talia al Ghul/Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne
Series: Caged Birds and Tamed Bats [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635715
Comments: 940
Kudos: 915





	1. Hold Me Tight And Let Me Burn

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [what happened across the sea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7287868) by [Laroyena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laroyena/pseuds/Laroyena). 



> I suck at summaries.  
> This was originally inspired by Laroyena's Mamabird AU but it quickly spiraled into something quite different and much less fluffy.  
> This is my first time writing A/B/O and my first time writing for this fandom in particular so… Please cut me some slack.  
> This fic is also heavy on squicking and triggering material (graphic depictions of pregnancy and birth, violence, child abuse, ethnic slurs, non-con, etc).
> 
> This AU starts when Jason is still Robin and Dick is around 19, it includes a hodgepodge of canon tidbits from multiple storylines with a drastically altered timeline (specifically concerning Tim and Damian). There’s also influences from non-comic media. 
> 
> In this AU Talia is NOT Damian’s biological mother. Also, there's going to be soooo much angst.

If he were to think about it, Dick would probably be concerned by the amount of times in his life he found himself sneaking into people’s windows, at the very least he figured he should worry about how easily it came to him but that night in particular he would just rather not be seen by Alfred, or (God forbid) Jason for that matter.

Poor sweet Alfred would have taken one whiff of him and would swaddle him up and spoil him rotten and that’s really not what Dick wanted right now.

Hell, what did he want right now? Even Dick himself had no idea, all he knew was what he _needed_.

Bruce. He needed Bruce.

It was late and Bruce was bound to back from patrol at any moment so Dick made himself at home, not bothering to take off his shoes before he sat cross-legged on the billionaire’s dresser in his jeans and a simple blue hoodie, hair a disheveled mess and shoulders tense with anxiety.

Dick hated feeling anxious. Sure, it was part of being a vigilante but he much preferred to take things as they came rather than agonize over anything- that was Bruce’s way, not his. Yet, in last few weeks anxiety had been all he had known until it culminated with the blind panic that brought him to where he was tonight.

He wanted to pace, work off some of that nervous energy building up under his skin all over again, but he knew that if he did that Bruce would smell him all over the room and assume he was distressed. Which he was. But Bruce didn’t really need more proof of that.

Glancing at the bedside clock told him just how late it was- Alfred was likely already in bed (why did he even bother with the balcony widow at this hour? He had keys, for crying out loud!) and Bruce was late so he was probably dealing with something unexpected. Dick had to wait, what luck.

There was an itch on Dick’s thigh where he had injected the suppressants earlier, he had had no choice, needed a clear head even if hated that stuff with a passion, even it felt distinctly wrong and was already starting to wear off again.

He rubbed the itchy spot and blew out a breath, well aware of slight throb of his bruises under the clothes that were usually so comfy but now felt alien on his skin- they scratched and rubbed in all the wrong ways, he was so uncomfortable that even his skin felt like it didn’t fit properly. A lazy flush and a beading of sweat on the back of his neck added to the discomfort, even though the weather outside was icy with last few bursts of soggy snow and sleet washing down onto the city.

“Goddamn it, Bruce.” He frowned, head thumping back against the wall, making him hiss (damn it, he kept forgetting about the bruise there too) while his fingers started to tap on the wooden dresser impatiently.

A soft sound caught his attention and he stilled. The sound, footsteps apparently, repeated itself ever closer until it seemed to pass by the door and slowly disappear down the corridor. Probably Jason heading to bed, given the trudging pace.

Dick sat straighter, that meant Bruce was finally home too and either the man was going to take forever writing reports down in the cave or he was going to pop up any second now. He hoped for the latter.

Sure enough, the quiet steady steps of the master of the manor soon made their way to the door, which clicked softly before opening and allowing the man inside. Bruce was wearing one of his black sweaters and simple grey sweatpants, his hair was slightly damp and his icy eyes narrowed in on Dick in a fraction of a second before shutting the door. He smelled like soap and dreams and Dick’s mouth nearly began to water.

“What are you doing here?” Bruce’s gaze roamed all over the visitor, cataloguing every detail.

“Well, hello to you too.” Dick smiled so brightly his teeth hurt, and uncrossed his legs to let them dangle off the dresser.

“Hello. What are you doing here?” The older man repeated, tilting his head and appraising that smile with suspicion.

“Come on, we haven’t seen each other since Christmas and this is how you greet me?” He gave a fake pout and crossed his arms.

“You’re the one that moved away, Dick.” Bruce spoke casually but his hands twitched as if resisting the urge to clench into fists.

“And now I’m visiting.” Dick tried to smile again but it quickly wobbled. “Seriously, B, I just… I needed to see you.”

“In the middle of the night. Why?”

“I just needed to see you.” Ok, now he was repeating himself.

What was he thinking showing up out of the blue? Nothing, he wasn’t thinking of anything, all he knew was that he needed to feel safe again, he needed to feel… Something, anything positive, and the only thing that came to mind for that was Bruce.

“What happened?” The older man prodded, impassive face clearly trying to see through him.

“Nothing.” So much, but he really didn’t know how to talk about any of that.

Bruce’s eyes scanned all over him again, his gaze as piercing as always as he stepped closer, close enough for Dick to pull him up between his knees, arms carefully and gently wrapping around the alpha’s shoulders as the omega tipped his head slightly to the side, exposing his neck just enough to be the softest show of submission.

It was intimate, too intimate to be honest, not at all the usual displays of affection between pack members, but Dick was beyond caring.

Bruce’s nostrils flared so subtly that Dick wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t paying the utmost attention to every little twitch, before the alpha’s hands landed on his hips almost on their own accord.

“You’re in heat.” It wasn’t a question, just a simple fact.

“Yup.” Dick innocently pressed his cheek to the man’s shoulder, nosing softly at Bruce’s neck and taking in that scent that had soothed him since he was a kid, that smell that always seemed to complement his own so perfectly.

“And clear-headed enough that I’m assuming you took emergency suppressants.” Bruce didn’t object to the touches, not when Dick was so careful and open about them.

The former Robin had always been very physical and affectionate but when it came to Bruce he knew to be careful, he knew not to be abrupt, he knew exactly when and how Batman liked to be touched and when he preferred distance. He just wished he could touch a lot more than was allowed.

“That too.” The acrobat nodded, eyes closed while he basked in the warm dark scent that reminded him often of dark bitter chocolate and foggy Gotham nights under soap and clean skin.

“You hate suppressants.” Bruce stated matter-of-factly.

Back in the day he had tried to convince Robin to take the medication so as to not be hindered by heats while they worked but he soon gave up when he realized that not only did Dick hate them, he also seemed to not perform to the best of his abilities which was the opposite of the desired effect. In the end the alternative- giving Dick two or three days off every two months if need be- was much more plausible.

“I do. They make me sluggish and moody.” Dick murmured pressing his torso to Bruce’s body, needy instincts telling him to bathe in that safe scent that made the anxious knot in his chest loosen a little.

“Then why?”

“Why did I take them or why am I here?” The omega finally moved just enough to be able to look at the alpha’s face.

“Both.”

“…I didn’t want to show up looking like a total feral mess and be accused of trying to seduce you.” And yet that was exactly what he was doing, wasn’t it? The only difference was he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t just offering himself up on a silver platter out of some desperate hormonal instinct and he certainly wasn’t going to give Bruce an excuse to push him away by saying that he wasn’t lucid enough to consent to anything. “But I’m here and… And I need… Bruce, please, can we just…”

Bruce stared for a long time, clearly trying to decide what to do in the current situation. His hands stayed where they were on the younger man’s hips and his gaze was clearly flickering from Dick’s flushed cheeks to his plush lips. The omega practically trembled with anticipation.

“You should go to Barbara. Let her help.” Bruce murmured, not really sounding all that convincing.

“Babs and I broke up months ago, Bruce. I’m sure you know that, you know everything.” Dick smirked, it was a frail expression that he knew would just shatter if Bruce tried to prod a little more, nonetheless he moved in close enough that he could taste the alpha’s breath. “And… You’re the only one I trust to… I don’t want anyone touching me right now… Just you.”

Bruce didn’t pull away from the kiss, in fact he allowed Dick’s warm pliant lips to mold to his briefly, almost chastely, before he broke away, forehead pressed lightly to the omega’s.

“I thought you’d grow out of this infatuation.” Bruce murmured under his breath.

“Ever consider that it wasn’t an infatuation? That I actually meant it when I said I loved you?” Dick kissed lightly at the corner of his mouth, satisfied that he wasn’t being pushed away.

“What if I don’t feel the same way?”

“Bruce…” Dick sighed miserably and buried his face in the man’s shoulder while his hands fisted in that soft black sweater. Of course he had considered that, he really didn’t believe it but he wasn’t self-centered enough not to consider it, yet right now he really didn’t have the energy or emotional stability to really talk about anything that deep. “Please, Bruce.”

“What are you here for, Dick?” One of Bruce’s hands slowly ran up the omega’s back to rest between his shaky shoulder blades.

“I’m not asking you to love me, I’m just asking you to fuck me.”

The words had just slipped out like a jab.

He didn’t mean to say it that way, Dick intended to be sweet and sensual, he was a romantic and he knew Bruce felt something (the man was touching him like he was precious after all, had been doing so for a long time no matter how much they both denied it) and he intended to pull on that thread but instead his words came out raw and desperate.

Damn it, he hadn’t felt this off balance in years. Not since…

“Fine.” Bruce stated after a mere moment of consideration.

“Wait, what?” Dick’s head snapped up almost comically to look at the other man, just in time to feel himself get lifted off the dresser and deposited on the massive king-sized bed.

Was this really happening? He hadn’t actually expected that to work!

“Call me overprotective but I don’t want you to leave and wander around in this state.” Bruce muttered as he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it off, exposing an expertly toned body, hard muscles and scars bunching up as he crawled onto the bed and wasted no time pulling away Dick’s hoodie and the shirt underneath in one fluid motion. “But afterwards you have to tell me what got you upset.”

There was a small pause as rough calloused hands drifted up smooth skin, brushing against angry purple bruises and a rather jagged and shabbily patched up cut on Dick’s shoulder. Bruce’s face was unreadable as he took in the injuries, accessing the level of severity with gentle touches before cupping a pretty olive cheek that was starting to turn crimson and overly warm.

“You sure you’re up for this?” The alpha asked with uncharacteristic softness that Dick absolutely did not expect from a man whose emotions usually had be pulled from him with pliers.

“Don’t tease, Bruce…” Dick whimpered and almost cringed at his own needy tone, turning his head to press hungry little kisses on Bruce’s palm.

The fact was he couldn’t care less about the injuries, now that he was happily surrounded in alpha pheromones he could feel the prickle of heat spreading more and more rapidly through his insides and fogging up his brain, his skin felt so sensitive that every touch was like a sting and the ache of the bruises was nothing, _nothing_ , compared to the hunger chewing him up from the inside.

Bruce didn’t ask again, instead he leaned down and placed soft open-mouth kisses along the bruised edges of the cut, his hands caressing down Dick’s sides towards his jeans, undoing them as those kisses climbed up his collarbone and neck, placing a warm lick along his scent gland. Dick shivered so hard at all the promise and sensation in that lick that he thought he might shake himself apart.

This was happening so fast, so suddenly. Dick was totally blindsided, he had come in expecting a struggle, expecting rejection _again_ and yet… Oh god, he wasn’t going to complain.

Hands ran up the scarred pale expanse of Bruce’s back just as their lips crashed together again, hungrier this time, a wet mess of tongues and teeth, their bodies pressing to one another just enough for some vague promise of friction that had the omega whimpering with need.

Dick was aware that he was somewhat conventionally attractive, he worked hard all his life for his body after all, but he honestly didn’t think he or anyone could really hold a candle to the masterpiece that was Bruce Wayne with those classic good looks- those piercing blue eyes, high regal cheekbones, a jaw that could cut glass, muscles like coiled snakes ready to strike and an aura of power that drew people to him in troves whether he was being charming Brucie or surly Batman.

At that moment the full force of those good looks was hovering right over Dick, tempting him, he couldn’t stop touching, kissing, caressing, fingertips mapping out every beautiful scar with reverence and desire.

Somehow Dick’s shoes got kicked off and his jeans ended up on the floor, his boxers sticking to his slippery skin as Bruce palmed his cock through the fabric just right, kissing softly around the edge of a bruise on the omega’s ribs. Dick loved it, he really did, but it was too slow, his insides were basically on fire already and he couldn’t think past the litany of “please” and “more”.

They rolled on the bed, Dick using all his substantial flexibility to pin down and straddle the alpha, his hands mapping Bruce’s scars and his hips grinding down so their clothed erections rubbed together for some semblance of friction as they devoured each other’s mouths. Bruce didn’t object, in fact his hands were sliding up Dick’s thighs and he was watching the omega’s moves with look that was almost affectionate.

Dick’s kisses moved down along that chiseled jaw to suck a hickey into Bruce’s neck, wanting to mark the man up, to claim him, his hands sneaking down hungrily and almost tearing the rest of their clothes in his rush to pull them off, only pulling away to toss the offending garments like he was angry at them before scrambling back onto the alpha.

Bruce encouraged the omega to take whatever he wanted, humming his approval as Dick placed hot sucking kisses all the way down the man’s torso, occasionally running his tongue over a scar or laving at a nipple, lips lovingly mapping out each hard ab and the dip of a hip before finally pausing to nuzzle Bruce’s hard cock. This close up that erection was bigger than Dick had expected, hard and silky like rose petals over steel, and if that wasn’t enough to make his mouth water than the scent would do it, he wanted to rub his face all over that musk and drown it, let it fill him until he couldn’t think of anything else.

Dick lapped up the underside of that rigid length from base to tip, flicking his tongue teasingly against the slit before his lips wrapped around the head, sucking greedily and much too fast, tongue swirling expertly around it before he began to swallow down more and more, relaxing his throat to take the whole thing (or at least as much as he could).

“Fuck.” Bruce hissed under his breath, his hands buried in the omega’s ebony hair. Dick thrilled at his ability to make the composed alpha curse.

He knew he was good at it, Dick liked using his mouth on his partners, he loved being in the limelight, liked being the center of another person’s attention. And Bruce’s sharp intake of breath and smoldering gaze were an attention so intense that Dick moaned, delighted at the groans spilling from the alpha’s lips, reveling in making the stoic Batman demeanor crack so easily.

It was so fucking hot that Dick nearly forgot about the fire growing under his skin. That is, until he couldn’t focus on what his tongue was doing anymore because his brain felt like it was melting and every inch of him was sizzling, slick drenching his thighs and his body feeling so empty he could have screamed.

“Bruce… Bruce…” Dick panted and whined, unable to say anything more coherent as he slid up, erratically grinding his overheated body to the alpha’s.

“I know. It’s alright, I’m here.” Bruce nodded in understanding, shushing him and easing him onto his back, kissing and nipping at Dick’s lower lip none too gently, one hand sliding between the omega’s thighs and spreading them apart.

Two fingers circled the omega’s opening, just testing his resolve before slipping in slowly and easily.

Dick’s legs spread further, he was writhing on the bed, pressing against the intrusive fingers that slowly pumped and stretched him. He needed more, so much more, but something inside him blossomed knowing the alpha was trying to be careful with him. His breath came out in hot pants and he didn’t even care that he was whimpering anymore, hands tangled in the sheets and eyes glassy.

A bruising grip on his thigh made Dick to focus on the alpha in front of him, Bruce’s hulking body looming over his as fingers were impatiently replaced by the blunt tip of that thick cock, it nudged on the omegas entrance before beginning to press in slowly with the obscene sounds of slick and harsh restrained breaths.

It was tender but excruciatingly slow, too slow for Dick’s overheated mind, he squirmed and tried to pull Bruce closer, heels digging into the alpha’s lower back. The omega’s whole body arched up, breath knocked out of him when the alpha bottomed out inside him, head falling back onto the pillows with an obscene moan filling the room. God, he didn’t remember ever feeling so full in his entire life and he wasn’t even knotted yet.

The thrusts were slow and controlled at first and it drove Dick insane, as much as he wanted Bruce to just let go of himself, he couldn’t help but love that dominant edge of control, it was what made Bruce who he was. Not that the omega was really thinking that deeply at the moment, he wasn’t really thinking of anything- eyes screwed shut, head thrown back with his ebony hair in disarray, swollen lips slack and dripping moans with each breath, body tense like a bowstring, hands fisted in the white sheets, heated sweet scent flooding the room like smoke.

A hand on Dick’s jaw forced his attention back to Bruce, eyes snapping open to find the alpha staring at him with hunger and want stamped on that handsome face. Bruce’s free hand grabbed his and pulled it away from the bedding to encourage it to wrap around his body- Dick didn’t hesitate to wrap both hands around those powerful shoulders and dig his nails in. Bruce hissed his approval and leaned closer, close enough that they were sharing a breath, eyes locked on each other as the pace suddenly picked up.

Bruce’s eyes were going to be his undoing, the alpha didn’t really like eye-contact, saw no point in it, preferred to examine expressions and body language like a person reading a blueprint, yet now his gaze was intimately focused on Dick’s in a way it had never been before and the omega was sure those eyes, pupils blown wide with arousal and eating up the blue, could read straight into his soul.

When he was satisfied Dick wasn’t going to look away again, Bruce let go of his jaw and his hands travelled down to the omega’s hips, holding Dick down and picking up the pace, plowing into that greedy heat with enough force to make the whole bed rattle, the oak bedframe creaking aggressively and the obscene sounds of skin slapping filling the air.

Dick’s hands were scrambling down the alpha’s back, clawing for some shred of purchase; he could hear someone crying out loudly and was only vaguely aware that the sounds were coming from him in a repetitive jumbled string of “please”, “Bruce”, “more” and “oh God”. He could feel his throbbing cock trapped between their sweaty bodies and leaking all over his own abs.

“Bruce… Bruce… I-I’m…” Dick hiccupped, eyes half-lidded and his own blown pupils still stubbornly focused on the alpha.

“Come. Let me see.” The order was growled in a way that would terrify anyone else but only made Dick burn even hotter, keening and clinging tighter to the alpha.

Dick practically howled, blinded by the intensity of the orgasm; he arched right off the bed, nails biting into the small of Bruce’s back as he spilled all over his own torso and his whole body clenched like a fist, nerve endings alight with pleasure.

“P-Please… Need… Need your knot, alpha!” The omega gasped between gulping breathes, body still spasming and writhing.

Bruce grunted his agreement, his rhythm stuttering only slightly as he slammed home harder, fingers leaving a whole new set of bruises on the omega’s skin.

Dick felt the knot swell and stretch him further as a gush of fluid seemed to fill him up and seep right into the fabric of his being and Bruce, devilish fiend of a man, bit at curve of Dick’s neck, not enough to break the skin and leave a mark (he wasn’t that far gone) but enough that all the combined stimuli set the oversensitive omega off all over again- cock valiantly spurting out a few more dribbles of cum, tears trickling from his sapphire eyes and body milking the alpha’s knot before Dick all but collapsed boneless onto the bed, trying desperately to catch his breath lest he pass out.

Bruce licked long and slow at the omega’s sensitive neck and then buried his face against it, breathing in the scent in large gulps, enjoying the added notes of himself and sex on top of Dick’s unique musk. The little display of affection and possessiveness had the omega whimpering, trembling hands reaching up to tangle into the alpha’s hair.

The grip Bruce had on him relaxed minutely, enough to maneuver them around until Dick was sprawled over the him while they remained tied together, the omega satisfied for the time being, body limp and full and soaking up the scent of alpha, _his_ alpha.

It had been… Not exactly romantic but carnal, hungry, exactly what Dick needed in that moment and now he felt vulnerable, yes, but also complete, as if a giant metaphorical hollow inside him was finally filled, as if Bruce has reached into his chest and nestled in the cage of his ribs. Dick felt surrounded and protected.

Lulled by the sound of Bruce’s heartbeat under his ear, and Bruce’s hands caressing idly along his skin, Dick dozed lightly. For the first time in days he finally felt safe enough to rest.

*

Someone was gently playing with his hair, it felt good and he purred snuggling closer to the warm body next to him, the scent of alpha, of safety, making him relax further and melt into the man with a soft sound of pleasure.

The hand in his hair stilled at the noise.

“Hmm… Don’t stop. Feels nice.” Dick murmured sleepily, eyes reluctantly blinking open.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Bruce’s hair was sticking out at odd angles and he had red angry scratches on his shoulders but somehow the man still managed to seem composed and he soon resumed quietly petting Dick’s hair.

“’S fine.” The omega mumbled, eyes closing again. He felt feverish, head a little floaty, warmth buzzing under his skin just enough to make him feel hyperaware that another wave was coming soon, but his muscles ached just right and he was satisfied all the way down to his bones for the time being.

For a long peaceful moment they just lay together under the sheets, legs tangled, Bruce’s fingers stroking through Dick’s sweat-damp hair, the only sounds being their even breaths… But this was Bruce Wayne, he didn’t exactly do peace and now that he was lucid Dick should have known better.

“I do, you know.” Bruce said suddenly, voice soft, almost pained.

“Do what?” Dick mumbled, lifting his head just enough to focus his sleepy eyes on the alpha.

“What you said earlier.”

“Hm?” The omega’s eyes narrowed a little as he tried to figure out what the heck they were talking about.

“You said ‘I’m not asking you to love me’.” Bruce quoted with a shadow of a grimace, hand now resting on Dick’s side.

“Oh.” That startled him completely awake. Did Bruce just confess…?

“But I do.”

Dick took a moment to stare at the alpha, taking in the small traces of vulnerability in Bruce’s avoidant eyes and pursed lips, noticing the man’s hand had gripped his side just a little tighter. Eventually though, Dick let out a little sigh. “I know, Bruce.”

“Do you?” The alpha glanced at his face, trying to read him.

“Yeah, I know it’s not the same as what I feel for you but I know you love me in your own way.” Dick reached up to comb the hair out of Bruce’s eyes and whispered. “I won’t ask for more.”

“What if I’m the one that wants more?” The alpha looked serious, almost stern.

“Do you?” He didn’t really believe that but a tiny spark of hope flared up in his chest and Dick did his best to try to smother it before anyone could see.

“I think I do. I think I’ve wanted it for a long time...” It’s Bruce’s turn to sigh, bowing his head to nuzzle a little into Dick’s hair. “And it terrifies me.”

“Terr-… Why?” The omega was confused now, since when did Batman ever admit to being afraid?

“I’m not _allowed_ to love you Dick. You were my ward.” Bruce’s voice was definitely pained now, he didn’t seem to notice how tightly he was holding Dick or how tense his own body had become.

“Is that why you’ve been rejecting me for years?” Dick ran a hand along the alpha’s back, unconsciously trying to soothe the man, his scent going soft and comforting.

“Wanting isn’t enough sometimes.” The alpha breathed in the acrobat’s pheromones, tension slowly leaking from his muscles.

“What does that even mean?” Dick rolled his eyes, still caressing every inch of scarred skin he could reach.

“I may have wanted to be your everything but… You deserve better, Dick. You’re so young and I never wanted to hold you back, I didn’t want you to feel like you belonged to me just because you were my Robin all those years.” Bruce’s hand slid up from the omega’s side to trace an old scar on Dick’s shoulder, the wound that broke them apart years before.

“What if I want to belong to you? Of my own accord?” Dick covered Bruce’s hand with his own and brought it up to his lips, kissing the alpha’s knuckles.

“Don’t say that. Makes me feel like those horrible so-called alphas that groom underage omegas.” Bruce grumbled, frowning a little.

Dick snorted, trying to hold in his laughter at that. The idea was both ridiculous and yet somewhat ironic too.

It was far too easy to find entitled alphas that took in young omegas to groom into sexually submissive possessions and breeding mares and the press had indeed speculated that about Bruce in the past but the man was so morally upright, he so hated that kind of abuse with a passion, that he had gone as far as teaching a child version of Dick how to, in one fluid move, break the wrist of any alpha that dared get too handsy. Not to mention he had kept the young omega at arm’s length when Dick started catching feelings.

It was still ironic though, because what else was the role of Robin other than vigilante grooming?

“I’m serious.” Bruce interject when Dick couldn’t stop snickering.

“Ok, what if I want to own you? That better?” The omega grinned cheekily.

“I… Never considered that perspective.” Bruce tilted his head in thought.

“Of course you didn’t. God forbid the omega call the shots in a relationship, right?” Dick laughed and before Bruce could start objecting and saying that it wasn’t like that, he powered on- “Let’s face it, B, maybe you did groom me, to be a vigilante that is. Out on the streets and in the cave you sure as hell trained me and drilled your code into my head, but everything else? That was all me. Out of the suits, in the pack, you never even liked to ground me, you always supported me and let me make my own choices, even if I know for a fact that several of them pissed you off.”

“I mean, you did make some questionable decisions.”

“You mean stupid.”

“Absolutely.” Bruce nodded curtly with a slight curve to his lips.

“Well, isn’t that part of growing up? I know for a fact that you made some pretty dumb choices before you made the smartest one of your life.” Dick grinned widely.

“Which was?”

“Taking me in.” The omega bopped the alpha’s nose and smirked.

“Cheeky little…” Bruce actually grabbed a pillow and tossed it over Dick’s face, making the acrobat laugh even more.

“Speaking of dumb decisions, let’s not forget some of your past girlfriends!” Dick was still grinning, pushing the pillow away and moving to straddle Bruce. “Knight, really, B? And _Talia_?”

“What was so bad about them?” Bruce clicked his tongue, sounding defensive.

“One engaged you in a mad custody battle for Jason just to rile you up and the other wants you to inherit her dad’s evil empire of death.”

Bruce looked up at him with a slight scowl and countered- “Fair enough. What about you and _Wilson_?”

“Ok, I surrender.” Still beaming, albeit much more forcibly, Dick raised his hands placatingly and allowed the alpha to pull him down into a rather messy kiss, wet lips puzzled together and tongues teasing one another.

Dick didn’t really want to know how Bruce found out about that particular relationship, he knew Bruce meant Joey, but a part of him trembled at the thought that Bruce might know more, might know _why_. The last thing Dick needed was for anyone to know what had gotten Dick and Joey to bond romantically, he’d much rather spill all the sordid details of his other relationships and experimentations than have to mention a single word as to the shared darkness that had drawn him and Joey together into what was, admittedly, a very unhealthy relationship.

It would have been fitting though, if Bruce knew that secret, it would have been apt because that was one of the many reasons he had showed up in Bruce’s room in the first place.

“Seriously, B…” Dick spoke between breathless kisses, trying to swat away his own thoughts as he sucked the alpha’s lower lip lightly. “If we both want this then why not try?”

“Ok.” Bruce didn’t even hesitate, just kissed him again.

“Ok? Really?” Dick almost got whiplash with how fast he pulled away so he could stare at the alpha in disbelief. Once again, he had expected much more resistance.

“Really.” Bruce nodded, moving to hold Dick down on the bed and reaching up to cup the omega’s cheek, a thumb caressing the skin tenderly.

“…Not that I’m complaining but why the change of heart now?” Dick was melting into the touch but still nervous, still guarded.

“You wore me down.” The alpha dismissed, kissing Dick’s forehead chastely.

“No, I didn’t. Be serious.” He smacked Bruce’s shoulder affectionately.

“Alright then, seriously- why _your_ change of heart now?” Bruce let go of him and propped himself up on an elbow, staring down at the omega with sharp eyes.

“Mine?” Dick frowned, not sure what Bruce meant, after all he had never hidden his feelings.

“You may flirt every time you come around but until now you never showed up out of the blue and begged like your life depended on it. In fact, you usually need an excuse to come around but this time you’re just… here.”

“Maybe I just couldn’t wait for you to make up your mind anymore.” He smiled, charming and absolutely fake. Dick knew Bruce was onto him.

“Dick, you hide it better than anyone I know but I can still tell when you’re upset. What happened?” The alpha’s free hand rested on Dick’s side, keeping him from escaping.

“…Do we have to talk about it?” He swallowed drily, trying not to let the thoughts that started worming into his brain ruin the mood.

“We agreed-“

“No, you said we’d talk later, I never agreed.” Dick interrupted before Bruce could get bossy.

“I worry for you.” It was Bruce’s way of demanding an answer.

“Right.” He mumbled, trying to move away and failing since he alpha still had a firm grip on him.

“I do, Dick.” Bruce insisted.

Dick sighed and hung his head, hiding against the alpha’s shoulder. “…I know but you shouldn’t. It’s my own fault.”

“What is?”

“Can we talk about this later? I want to rest a bit more before I start losing my mind to my hormones again.” He was deflecting of course but he just didn’t want to ruin a perfect moment, or at least so he told himself. Truth was, Dick would avoid anything angsty like the plague.

“Alright, chum.” Bruce finally relented.

“Please don’t call me that when were naked together.” Dick snorted, mood perking up immediately as he was suddenly choking on his own laughter. “Makes me feel like I’m ten again.”

“Alright, Dickie bird.” Bruce cocked a brow, the slightest tilt of a grin appearing in the corner of his mouth.

Dick chuckled, whomever said Batman had no sense humor just didn’t understand him like Dick did because the man did in fact have a sense of humor, it just happened to be a really terrible one.

With a smile plastered on his face, the omega curled onto Bruce’s side, tangling their legs together with his head resting on the alpha’s shoulder and practically purring as the man wrapped an arm around him. Even with the growing simmer of heat flaring up in his gut, Dick felt safe, he felt wanted, and so he allowed himself to relax just a little.


	2. Love In All Its Shapes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more smut. Some background. Some Dick bonding with the packmates he's been neglecting.

Dick wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep but his body felt both lazy and intensely wired at the same time, it woke him slowly with feverish little spasms and an intense need for something to quell that anxious flames twisting up his insides. That’s what told him right away that that he needed his alpha immediately.

Without really thinking he reached out for Bruce, pressing himself to the alpha and peppering kisses against every random inch of skin he could find. He wasn’t really lucid enough for seduction or finesse but Bruce didn’t seem to mind when he opened his eyes to find Dick kissing and mouthing along his collarbone and throat while rutting against the alpha’s muscled thigh almost desperately.

A soothing purr built up in Bruce’s chest as he hoisted the omega over him, letting Dick straddle him before pulling the young man down for a mind-melting kiss. Dick moaned into that kiss, licking at the points of Bruce’s teeth before tangling their tongues in a fiery dance. It was hard to believe he’d been half-asleep just a few moments ago, it was hard to believe Bruce could give him exactly what he wanted without a single word being exchanged.

Calloused hands rested on Dick’s perfect ass while the omega himself dug his nails lightly into Bruce’s chest, hips grinding down against the hardness of the alpha’s cock and pulling a groan straight out of the man’s throat. Dick’s inner omega swelled with pride at that simple sound, at the way Bruce’s hand squeezed tight enough to bruise all over again.

If he had been in his right mind, Dick probably would have laughed and teased Bruce right about then, he probably would have taken his time to rile up the alpha until neither of them could take it anymore, to mess around with foreplay until they were both begging for it. But as it was, Dick couldn’t really do any of those things, instead he reached down to stroke the alpha’s cock, holding it steady so his body could sink down onto it, ignoring the sting of the sudden stretch.

It wasn’t long before Dick was riding Bruce with abandon, head tossed back with his teeth worrying his lip as he let out the neediest sounds, a flush spreading up his chest and staining his olive skin, blunt nails leaving red trails on Bruce’s pecs, thighs burning as he lowered himself onto the alpha’s cock over and over and over. He couldn’t care less about the exertion, all he cared about was chasing the high.

One’s of Bruce’s hands travelled along Dick’s thigh and ran up to grasp his straining cock, running a thumb over the slit to spread the pearly precum before giving a long tug, quickly matching pace with Dick’s erratic rhythm, knowing full well how badly the omega needed release, how deep into the heat he really was. Bruce wanted to watch him come again and he said so loud and clear, the words just slightly growled but heavy with intent.

Dick couldn’t have refused him if he wanted to. He really didn’t want to.

The orgasm was so mind-numbing that Dick forgot his own name, just cried out and slumped forward, trembling and trusting Bruce to hold him steady as they rode out the pleasure together. The knot slipping inside him was such exquisite pressure bordering on a delicious kind of pain and Dick was only vaguely aware that he had splashed white all over Bruce’s hard abs (although that vague awareness made his inner animal proud, delighted to mark his alpha so blatantly).

This time Dick didn’t fall asleep right away, he was too busy trying to catch his breath, muscles still burning from exertion as he splayed out over Bruce, nuzzling into the alpha’s neck and bathing in his scent.

Bruce’s hands never left his body, holding him close, like he was something precious, like he mattered.

*

At some point he was woken by Bruce’s kisses on his neck, his shoulders, a nibble in his ear and a soft whisper, a promise, make him stir. Before he even opened his eyes he was already drowning in the powerful spicy scent of alpha in rut, could taste it like hot cinnamon on his tongue.

Lying belly down, Dick nuzzled into a pillow that was definitely not his own. By the time Bruce’s sinful mouth began trailing kisses down the length of his spine he was already whimpering and grinding an aching erection to the sheets.

It wasn’t just the heat, it was the knowledge that this was Bruce initiating things, Bruce wanting him, needing him, Bruce hungry for him and yet still being sweet and devoted with his kisses. And, _god_ , if that wasn’t the hottest thing Dick’s fuzzy overheated brain could possibly think of.

Those sensual lips that he could never get enough of kissed his ribs slowly, then the dimples on the small of his back, large capable hands gliding up slippery wet thighs (he was so wet it was embarrassing, but Dick couldn’t even bring himself to care because _Bruce was kissing him all over_ ) before kneading greedily into the flesh of his perfect bottom.

Bruce said something, his voice all warm gravel, but the omega was too lost in the fire licking under his skin to really make sense of what was being said, he just reacted on instinct- fisted his hands in the bedding, pulled his knees up under him, legs spread, and presented like the wanton creature he his, begging to be taken, to be _bred_. That thought shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did but, damn, it really did.

There was a sound of approval from the alpha, almost breathless, and then the wet heat of a tongue licked up Dick’s thighs before teeth dug into the plump flesh of his ass. The omega squirmed and keened, babbling God knows what as that sinful tongue returned to action, lapping slick straight from the source and spearing into him intimately until he was thrashing.

The empty ache inside got worse all over again but Dick was pretty sure he could come just from this anyway if only Bruce didn’t stop, if only he continued to be defiled.

Warm hands gliding up Dick’s spine made him shiver but then Bruce was covering him, cock inching into his greedy body far more roughly than necessary, both too keyed and desperate to care.

The omega’s cries were muffled by the pillow and the alpha rectified this by pulling Dick up, a hand wrapped around his throat- not to squeeze but to control- and the other arm banding around his chest, keeping him steady as the thrusts ramped up into full blown pounding that had the younger man literally screaming.

Dick wasn’t exactly sure how many times he orgasmed on Bruce’s cock, his overheated mind unable to really process anything as complex as numbers, but by the time the alpha knotted deep inside him he was a sticky sweaty mess, splattered in his own release and unable scream anymore from a throat so raw.

And Bruce… The restrained grunts and murmured praise the alpha whispered all blended into one deliciously sweet sensation pulsing through Dick’s veins.

They end up spooning, still shaky and breathless and high in the afterglow, and Dick is vaguely aware of Bruce guiding a water bottle to his mouth and coaching him to drink before he can go even more boneless. ‘ _It’s sweet’_ , his foggy brain provides, ‘ _alpha is taking care of you. He cares_.’

*

Dick didn’t know what time it was, fuck, he didn’t even know what _day_ it was anymore. Was it even daytime? Screw it, he didn’t care.

He had just had the greatest sex marathon of his entire life- days of nothing but pheromones, moans, naked skin, long hungry kissing, possessive touches and exploratory mouths on heated skin, not to mention sizzling orgasms. He was only vaguely aware that Bruce had fed him and made drink, even more vague was the memory of warm water lapping at his skin, anything that wasn’t sex just didn’t seem important enough to register in his memory.

Damn, he should have come to Bruce sooner, why hadn’t they done this before?

He didn’t remember falling asleep after that last wave but when he awoke he was startled to find himself alone. For a brief moment he thought it had all been a dream, then he realized he was in Bruce’s bed and for another brief, sleepy, scary second he thought he’d been abandoned. Dick batted that fear away quickly, Bruce would never abandon without a word; he spotted Bruce’s shirt in bed next to him and buried his face in it, inhaling the scent of his alpha.

 _His_. When had he started calling Bruce his?

The heat was gone and he felt refreshed and satisfied but there was still a leftover buzz humming along his nerve endings, making him anxious and fuzzy at the same time, it made him needy for something more than physical he couldn’t quite define, a sort of safety he always craved after every heat. Somehow, Bruce’s scent all around him satisfied that need more than anything ever had and he wondered just how much better it would be if the man was actually still there.

When he felt calm and more awake, Dick sat up and looked around- the bed was a nest of sheets and blankets bunched up around him but everything else seemed surprisingly neat and tidy. There was a folded note on the bedside table with his name and Dick recognized Bruce’s angular handwriting right away so he snapped the thing up and opened it.

_«Dick,_

_Went to WE for work._

_Don’t leave. We still need to talk.»_

It was signed simply ‘Bruce’ and Dick wondered why that disappointed him a little, refused to admit to himself that maybe he’d been hoping for a word of affection, but Bruce was nothing if not pragmatic and to the point.

Dick bit his lip, staring at the little note, he considered if he should in fact run off to Bludhaven and do some damage control instead of waiting around for what was undoubtably going to be a conversation he didn’t want to have, he knew Bruce could be a dog with a bone when he wanted to know something and wouldn’t let go until Dick told him everything he’d been avoiding talking about before.

A knock on the door startled him out of his own thoughts.

“Master Dick, if I may?” Alfred. Of course Alfred would know he was there. Just how many days had he been locked in that room anyway?

“Sure, Alfie.” Dick didn’t think and immediately regretted opening his mouth- he was still naked in Bruce’s bed, covered only by the sheets bunched around him, and the whole room smelled so thickly of sex that it was like fog in the air.

“Good morning, sir.” Alfred walked in with sure steps and deposited a breakfast tray in front of Dick- it had coffee, eggs, bacon, fruit and Dick’s favorite buckwheat pancakes with maple syrup. “Master Jason has left for school and master Bruce informed me that he had a meeting that couldn’t be postponed further, he requests that you wait for him.”

“Yeah, I know, Alfie.” Dick swallowed dryly, fidgeting and feeling himself blush under the beta’s scrutiny.

“Please do eat, master Dick. Master Bruce barely managed to get any food in you these last few days.”

It was impossible to hide what had happened in that room but the fact that Alfred knew that much just made Dick even more aware of how out of it he had been- had the butler actually _seen_ state he’d been in? Not that he hadn’t seen Dick in heat before but the circumstances made him feel intensely awkward.

“Oh, hm, ok.” Dick felt like his stomach was in knots but took a bite of the pancakes anyway… Then he realized just how famished he was and immediately started scarfing food down like it was his last meal. “These are amazing. Thanks, Alfie.”

“You’re quite welcome. I took the liberty of adding blueberries.” Alfred walked to the balcony door as he spoke, opening it to let in some cold winter air and weak sunlight, it made Dick wince for more than one reason.

“Hm… Alfred?” He muttered around a mouthful of pancake.

“Yes, sir?” The butler was back his side in an instant.

“I… I’m sorry.” Dick avoided the man’s eyes. “I know how awkward this is.”

“I assure you, I’ve handled much worse in master Bruce’s bedroom.” Alfred seemed somewhat amused at that.

Yeah, Dick didn’t want to unpack that statement any time soon, he was pretty sure he could guess what the butler meant anyway, and he knew it would likely make him jealous.

“Are you… Are you mad at us?” Dick finally chanced a look up at the older man.

“Might I enquire why you’d think such a thing?”

“I mean… Bruce and me? Aren’t you going to say it’s inappropriate or whatever?” He grimaced, expecting the backlash.

“I wouldn’t presume to judge.” Alfred stated simply, a little too stony, still watching Dick quietly.

“Indulge me.” The acrobat motioned for the butler to keep talking, back just a tad too stiff.

“Well, if it’s my opinion you’re after, master Dick…” Seeing how nervous Dick looked, the butler sat on the edge of the bed and leaned close, soothing pheromones wafting from him, the scent of tea and fresh bread and petrichor. “I do believe it’s about time.”

“What?” Dick sputtered on his coffee, nearly choking.

“If this is what it takes to bring you back home then who am I to object?” The beta leaned close to pat his back and offer a napkin. “It is true that at first I disapproved of this situation somewhat, after all I did raise you and watched you grow next to master Bruce, but I’ve since changed my mind.”

“Why?” Dick coughed, looking up at the older man in wonder.

“I’ve come to realize what you have is not so simple.” Alfred straightened up again. “These past few years since you left have been frightfully stressful, master Dick. This morning was the first time in ages that I’ve seen master Bruce truly happy.”

“I really do love him, Alfie.” Dick smiled softly and ignored the food tray for a moment to lean closer, neck bared just the slightest bit and head slightly upturned.

Alfred seem read his intentions easily and moved closer, letting his cheek graze along the omega’s, Dick hummed happily and nuzzled. Scenting the pack elder was always a calming and reassuring experience, and right then the little intimate gesture told Dick everything he need to know. Dick was glad to have Alfred’s support, after all the butler was one of his best friends, although an unconventional one.

“And water is wet, sir.” The beta snarked with an indulgent little half-smile.

“When did you notice?” Dick chuckled and, as soon as Alfred pulled back, he went back to his food.

“You have _never_ been subtle.” Alfred gave a short nod and tried to change the subject. “I’ll go run a bath.”

The butler moved to the en suite bathroom with quick deliberate steps. Soon the sound of water running reached Dick, he was working on his fruit now but he wasn’t letting Alfred off the hook that easy.

“How long, Alfie?” He asked loudly towards the bathroom.

“Four years, master Dick.” The voice floated back towards him.

“You think Bruce knew that early too?” Dick spoke around a mouthful of fruit.

“With all due respect, you could have tattooed his name on your forehead and the man wouldn’t have known.” Alfred retorted, adding in a grumble that Dick was probably not supposed to hear- “Greatest detective in the world, indeed.”

“You know I kissed him when I was sixteen, right?” Dick finished his food, sipping on the rest of his coffee (sweet and with cream, just the way he liked it).

“Is that what you did?” Alfred returned, pulling down his sleeves and buttoning the cuffs, having clearly finished in the bathroom. “That certainly explains plenty. I always assumed he had pushed you away because the gunshot wound had made him more aware of your precious mortality.”

“Yeah, it was right after that. Pretty sure that was why he fired me.”

Dick could still remember that day like was yesterday- the Joker shot him, hit his shoulder and thankfully nothing more, and it had broken something inside Bruce, something that had been frail and overprotective already.

It had done things to Dick too, made him brave in ways he hadn’t expected simply because his life had flashed before his eyes, Bruce had wanted him to stop being Robin after that and Dick, well, he didn’t want to stop, he was afraid to lose that part of what he had with Bruce, he got desperate and kissed the alpha… Only to get pushed back and rejected because it was _inappropriate_.

Inappropriate. That word that had stuck in his head ever since, that word was the thing that had him packing a bag and leaving the manor (well, _one_ of the things). Dick had hoped Bruce would chase him and bring him back, but he hadn’t.

In retrospect, maybe they had both been a bit too stubborn and taken things too far.

“Not to defend master Bruce, but you were, in fact, underage.” The butler pointed out somewhat sternly.

“Hey, I was over the age of consent. Plus, in my culture, omegas usually get married around sixteen anyway.” Dick shrugged, feeling just a little defensive.

“With all due respect, master Bruce was raised differently.” There was no need to highlight that Alfred had been the one to do the raising, nor was there a need to point out that he had raised Dick the same way half the omega’s life too. “And I might add, you haven’t exactly been the greatest follower of Romani tradition either.”

“I mean, if I had I wouldn’t be naked in anyone else’s bed, would I?” Dick grumbled a little and blushed heavily, he gave Alfred a sheepish smile as he admitted defeat.

Alfred pursed his lips and wisely decided not to comment further, he merely picked up the breakfast tray and walked away. “Bath is ready, master Dick.”

Dick sighed softly in relief, the morning was being a bit of an emotional rollercoaster already but at least Alfred wasn’t mad, at least the man he always saw as parental figure was support his choices. Dick ran his hands through his hair and got up, heading to the bathroom.

Bubble baths were something Dick hadn’t had in years, he never bothered with anything more than practical showers, but apparently Alfred remembered how little tween Dick loved bubbles and that made him smile nostalgically just a little, just enough to enjoy soaking in the warm water.

He let the warmth unwind his every muscle, he washed his hair with Bruce’s shampoo and used Bruce’s earthy soap to scrub off the sweat off his skin, he didn’t care that he was going to have rinse all the bubbles away before he left the tub, he was just happy that he was going to be smelling somewhat like Bruce for a while longer.

After the bath he wrapped himself in one of Bruce’s huge fluffy towels and stood in front of the massive bathroom mirror- the bruises he had arrived with had faded into sickly yellows and pale greens, little patches of buttercups and clovers of his torso, the cut on his shoulder had been properly patched up (how did he not remember that?), but there were finger shapes marks on hips and wrists, and angry crimson and purple blotches bloomed all over his neck, his collarbones, his chest, even his inner thighs.

Dick actually winced when he realized all this had been unintentionally on display to Alfred. Still, he guiltily loved the marks.

After berating himself for not covering up better, Dick ended up shaving with the alpha’s things too. Once he was satisfied that he finally looked like himself again after who knows how long (not just the days of heat but the long stressful weeks before too), Dick walked back to the room, finding that Alfred had changed the bedding and his clothes were laundered and folded on the dresser.

Dick pulled on most of his clothes but stopped at his shirt and hoodie, instead of putting those on he sneaked into Bruce’s massive closet and went in search of whatever smelled the most like the alpha, settling on a grey cable knit sweater that was just a bit too loose on his frame.

Once satisfied, Dick left the room and headed down to the cave- he knew Bruce wanted him to wait for him but he also knew that what he really needed to do was go check the Bludhaven gang situation.

He walked past the gym and looked at the gymnast rings longingly. Dick really wanted to return to his exercise routine and just work off some of his newly rekindled anxiety. Ugh, he really should have planned things better instead of just showing up in Bruce’s room before a heat with nothing but the clothes on his back.

Once in the cave, he settled in front of the bat computer and marveled at the fact that his personal password still worked- why hadn’t paranoid Batman changed that by now? What did it _mean_?

It wasn’t long before he was immersed in police reports and feeling the knots in his stomach returning.

Bruce had a considerable amount of information about the Blockbuster gang, of course he did, and seemed to actually be following the steps of the Bludhaven district attorney- none of the info was new… Until he stumbled on the newest report and news headlines that described the death of Roland Desmond and the ongoing investigation. It had Dick burying his face in his hands in frustration. 

It all seemed to be over, the nightmare of the past few months seemed to have finally ended and yet, why did he still feel so shaken? So brittle down to his bones?

When Alfred called for lunch from the stairs, Dick didn’t hesitate, he turned everything off and headed up, just wanting to get away from his own thoughts, not wanting to remember his last night in Bludhaven or consider what he’d do when he returned. Did he even want to return at this point?

Lunch was a quiet affair in the kitchen and Dick ended up spending the afternoon helping Alfred clean- he got dusting duty, mostly just because he could reach all the high spots the butler had trouble with, even if sometimes he chose to reach them by dangling off high points like shelves and chandeliers instead getting a chair or stepladder like a normal person.

Dick enjoyed that little domesticity, it reminded him of being of a kid and having so much excess energy and being so used to the chores of the circus that Alfred would give him all manner of tasks just to keep him busy.

He was still dusting the main den when Alfred returned from picking up Jason from school. The boy took one look at Dick and blushed. What was that about?

Curious, Dick finished up what he was doing and caught up with Jason near the stairwell.

“Hey, Jaybird.” The acrobat called out, noticing the tension emanating from boy. “Break any of my records yet?”

“Hi, Dick.” Jason glanced at him, then turned away and hoisted his backpack more securely onto a single shoulder. “Sorry, I have homework.”

“Oh. Right…” Dick watched him walk away with a slight frown. Sure, he and Jason didn’t have the closest of relationships but the kid had always looked up to him and now he was being unusually cold. “Need any help?”

“…Seriously?” Jason actually glowered; his scent wasn’t quite mature yet but at that moment he smelled distinctly like annoyed alpha.

“What?” The acrobat blinked innocently.

“Never mind.” The boy rolled his eyes.

Dick watched Jason turn the corner, backpack slung heavy on his shoulder as he disappeared from view. Everything in the omega told him to go, to leave the kid alone, but the boy smelled distressed and looked clearly upset, and Dick couldn’t ignore that.

Ever since Jason arrived Dick had been a pretty sorry excuse of a packmate, he accepted Jason (now anyway) and he really wanted to be a good role-model, he was impressed by the kid and tried his best to stay in touch while still avoiding Bruce and Gotham altogether, but for the longest time he had resented Jason, felt jealous and replaced (and not just as Robin). Ultimately, he knew it wasn’t Jason’s fault, if anything it was Bruce’s fault that Dick felt that way.

Even though Dick understood all this he still had trouble truly bonding with Jason as he was supposed to, a problem Bruce himself hadn’t had at all, in fact the man had adopted Jason, had gone into a goddamn custody war for the kid.

Bruce never tried to adopt Dick and he didn’t mind. Bruce didn’t try to form any parental bonds with him either and nowadays he was grateful for that; Bruce was only 12 years older than him anyway, it would have been weird. Bruce treated like him a pack member, like family, what sort of family was never clear and that was just fine with Dick, all he knew was that Bruce’s warm bittersweet scent under that earthy cologne meant safety and affection and growing up that’s all he really needed.

And yet, Bruce had adopted Jason. Dick was 18 when, a year after taking in the 12-year-old street orphan, Bruce had the kid back in school and legally adopted.

Dick never wanted to be adopted but he still envied Jason. Bruce offered the boy his name, he bonded with the younger Robin like a parent, he gave him attention and affection in his own distant and bizarre way, and Dick… He didn’t _hate_ it but for a long time he wondered- if he had let Bruce do the same with him would he have gotten all of the alpha’s attention? Would Bruce had let him stay as Robin?

It didn’t matter anymore, in fact, looking back now these concerns and petty jealousy felt… Well, rather childish.

“Wait, Jay.” Dick wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he decided then and there that he needed to step up and be a better packmate to Jason.

Jason didn’t turn back, he kept going until he entered a room Dick had never paid much attention to before, it had probably been renovated recently and held floor to ceiling shelves full of books, it was impeccably clean and there were bookmarked tomes scattered on a desk near a window.

The scent in the room was all Jason- still young and not entirely well-defined but hosting a surprisingly pleasant mix of something like leather and parchment and slight touch of cigarette smoke under deodorant (who did Jason think he was kidding with that?). Dick assumed the kid spent a lot of time in there.

“Jay, talk to me.” Dick leaned against the doorframe, watching the boy drop his backpack and slump against the desk. “I know this is a bit awkward with me and Bruce but I don’t want it to be weird with you too.”

There was no point in pretending the kid didn’t know what had happened those last few days, Jason wasn’t that dumb and he was a teenager, even if he hadn’t picked up on Bruce’s absence for those days he could still probably smell what Dick and Bruce had been doing just from walking down the corridor from his own room.

“It’s not. I’m not… Look, whatever happened between you and B these last few days is your business.” Jason blushed furiously again but seemed too annoyed to care.

“Then why are you upset?” The acrobat frowned, unconvinced.

“Not everything is about you!” Jason snapped, angrily.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Dick held up his hands placatingly and slowly made his way to the only little couch in the room. “I know I suck at this big brother stuff, Jason, but we’re pack, family, and that means I want to be there for you, always.”

“You don’t suck. Not really.” Jason shrugged a shoulder and started rummaging aimlessly through his bag for something to do.

“You don’t have to be nice.” Dick chuckled. He paused, arms crossed as he considered the future for a moment. He really needed to step up and be a better role model to Jason from now on. “Anyway, I don’t know what’s going to happen yet, Bruce an I-…”

Before he could finish Jason blurted out- “This mean you’re coming back home for good?”

“…I don’t know. Why?” The omega was puzzled, he couldn’t quite read Jason reaction and it was making him anxious. It also raised the very good question.

Was he coming back? He wanted to be with Bruce, had wanted it for years, but he had a life in Bludhaven too (albeit a rather broken one at the moment), was he really ready to come back home? Would Bruce even really want him back right away? The alpha implied that, yes, he did, but what if that had all been in the heat of the moment? Could Dick really just up and abandon the life he’d been piecing together in Bludhaven without a thought?

“…Nothing. Just wondering.” Jason’s hesitation spoke volumes but about what, Dick couldn’t tell.

Was the kid afraid he’d lose his place? Was he feeling intimidated? Was a Robin thing or a pack thing? Was he just embarrassed knowing about Dick and Bruce?

What was Dick supposed to say? That nothing would change? It would, after that talk he had with Bruce of course things were going to change, one way or the other, and he had no idea how it would all impact Jason.

“Come here.” The omega sat on the edge of the loveseat and beckoned Jason to move closer.

“Why?” The young alpha looked at him quizzically.

“Just do it.” Dick rolled his eyes as the kid stepped up to him.

Dick leaned close, waiting for boy to react.

Jason lowered his gaze as expected and, just as Alfred had done to him earlier, Dick nuzzled his cheek softly while running a hand from the teen’s hair. Jason relaxed almost immediately and melted to him, allowing the eldest to hug him. It was simple and chaste, just a little token of affection between packmates to reestablish their frayed and very frail ties.

Of course, with someone who was as incredibly liberal with his affection as Dick, such little actions always dragged on a little longer, there was always a little extra nuzzle or a ruffle of one’s hair. Jason, who was nowhere near as physical, was surprised to discover that he didn’t really mind, it wasn’t awkward so long as it was Dick.

After the brief but comfortable embrace, Dick sat back on the couch and pat the space beside him, hoping Jason would join him. Instead, the boy sat on the floor next to him and he leaned just a little against Dick’s lap, riffling through his backpack again and pulling out books that he proceeded to skim through.

“So… Homework, huh?” The omega ran his fingers through Jason’s hair again in a soothing manner, allowing the calmest wave of pheromones to waft through the air around them. Words were somewhat hard, he had never gotten to know Jason well enough to hold a conversation that was not about vigilantism, but actions and touches? Those he could do.

“Shakespeare.” Jason hummed, grabbing a sticky note to bookmark a page.

“Anything specific?”

“It’s about the beautiful marriage between two teenagers that knew each other for a handful of days and results in, like, six deaths.” Jason snarked rather sarcastically.

“Romeo and Juliet, huh?” Dick chuckled at the description.

“Yeah. Greatest love story, my ass.” The young rolled his eyes. “Hamlet is better anyway.”

Dick grinned, he kept playing with Jason’s hair and just let the kid focus on his book.

Jason was halfway through his homework, with Dick dozing on the couch next to him, when they heard voices nearby, followed shortly by a faint trace of a familiar striking scent. They both perked up, heads turning to the door reflexively, just before it opened.

Bruce stood in the doorway, looking as imposing as always in a grey suit with a subdued periwinkle button up. He examined the two of them for moment and Dick suddenly sensed a new tension in the air, just a hint of it really, but enough to alert his instincts.

“Good afternoon, Jason.” Bruce spoke casually, before focusing on the omega. “Dick, a word?”

“Sure.” Dick tried not to look to look nervous, he ruffled Jason’s hair one last time and got up to follow Bruce out the door.


	3. Don't Hate Me Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has a pathological need to know everything and Dick really wishes he'd leave things alone sometimes.
> 
> (I might have both rushed and dragged out this chapter a lot. Basically it touches on a subject that hits very close to home for me so breaking it down and being angsty with lots of comfort is kinda like therapy to me.  
> The plot starts to move forward and thicken in the next chapter. The evil tags are close to becoming a reality.)

The alpha didn’t say anything, just led the way to his den quietly, allowing Dick inside before entering himself and shutting the door behind him.

Dick expected some awkwardness now that they both had time to think, now that Bruce had had some time to clear his head away from the omega, time to allow self-doubt and morality to creep up on him all over again.

Instead, he found himself being suddenly pushed up against the door while Bruce’s mouth descended on his.

It was a sudden kiss, a frantic one- Dick was so startled that all he could do was gasp and Bruce took advantage of that to slip his tongue into the younger man’s mouth, tracing the sharpness of his teeth as he pressed close and caged Dick against the heavy oak door. After a brief moment of shock, the acrobat ended up kissing back eagerly, his hands wrapping around Bruce, one at the nape of his neck and the other fisted into his jacket.

“Thank you.” The alpha murmured between kisses. “For staying.”

“I can’t say no to you.” Dick purred, wondering if Bruce had really been that worried that he’d leave.

“You say no to me constantly.” Bruce grazed his teeth softly over the omega’s lower lip before kissing once more.

“Only when you’re wrong.” Dick mumbled into the other’s lips, feeling giddy over the attention.

“I’m never wrong.” Bruce countered, moving just enough so that his lips now brushed down the younger man’s jaw towards the column of his throat.

“See, this is why people call you difficult.” Dick’s breath hitched a little but he tipped his head back to give the alpha better access. “Well, the bat getup doesn’t help either.”

Bruce chuckled softly, he nuzzled softly into Dick’s neck, scenting him in a delightfully intimate manner before he moved to plant a last kiss on the corner of the omega’s mouth. Dick couldn’t stop grinning, he knew Bruce was one for extremes -either too hot or too cold but always in control- but he liked this version, hoped to see a lot more of it in the future.

Eventually, Bruce took a step back but seemed unwilling to stop touching Dick, which was new and whole ne thing for Dick to enjoy. He dragged the omega along with him towards one of the black plush couches and, once seated, slipped an arm almost possessively around Dick’s waist.

“So.” The alpha began after a moment of comfortable silence, letting the word hang in the air.

“So?” Dick prompted, waiting for the rest.

“About that talk…” Bruce watched Dick wince and go from comfortable to nervous.

“Did you have to ruin the mood?” The omega pouted, he had been expecting this, knew Bruce would never just let it go, wouldn’t really relax and move on until the conversation was out of the way, but Dick still hoped deep down that maybe it could all be avoided.

Bruce said nothing, he merely waited and stared at the younger man.

Dick huffed out a breath. “Look, B, I know you think I only came to you because I was freaked out about something and you have a point, but does it matter why it happened? Shouldn’t we focus instead on what to do now?”

“Alright. Then what do you want to do?”

“I… I haven’t figured out it yet. I figured we have time to decide where we want this to go.” Dick hesitated, not at all sure of anything yet, not really expecting that curve ball of a question.

“I told you where I want this to go.” Bruce was blunt but not unkind and it made Dick roll his eyes.

“’More’ is a very broad definition.”

The alpha stared at him, steel blue eyes taking in all the little details about the omega while he considered what to say. “Then I’ll narrow it- come back to Gotham.”

“Just like that, huh?”

“Even if you don’t want to come back to the manor, at least come back to the city.” Bruce tried to compromise.

“What about the people of Bludhaven? Believe it or not, Nightwing does make a difference there.” Dick argued mostly because he didn’t know what else to do, it was true that he’d been trying to build a more independent life but he wanted to say yes, had been waiting for a long time for Bruce to ask him to come back, for Bruce to admit he wanted him close.

“I know. But you’re asking me what I want and that’s what I want.” It was selfish and it was human and it was all the things Bruce would never had admitted out loud in any other circumstance.

“I see.” The omega took a steadying breath, unsure of what to say because Bruce’s blunt honesty caught him so off guard.

“Ultimately it’s your decision. Even if you decide not to move back any time soon, Bludhaven is just on the other side of the river, you can drop by whenever you want.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That city hasn’t been kind to you, Dick.” Bruce tone turned somber, almost frosty.

“The world isn’t kind, that’s why we do what we do, B.” Dick shrugged, he wondered just how closely the alpha had been keeping tabs on him in those last few years.

“That doesn’t sound like something my bright-eyed Dick Grayson would say.” Bruce’s hand tightened ever so slightly around Dick’s waist and he allowed himself another small calculated vulnerability by saying- “I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m assuming you know about the mess in Bludhaven with Blockbuster?” Dick he knew where this conversation was going and figured he might as well get it over with.

“You mean his personal campaign to destroy your life and all you care about? I’m aware.” The alpha pursed his lips into a thin line, something he did when he was reigning in his temper. “Do I need to go to Bludhaven?”

“No, he’s… He’s dead.” The words stumbled out of Dick’s mouth, his throat suddenly felt too dry and he fidgeted, feeling trapped.

A tense silence hanged between them but Bruce didn’t seem shocked or surprised, did seem to react at all.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Dick sighed, already knowing the answer. Bruce had been keeping track, he likely got the police report on Desmond’s murder as soon it was filed.

“Is this what you didn’t what to talk about?” Bruce deduced, probably half because he knew Dick that well, and half because as soon as Blockbuster was mentioned Dick’s scent took a sharp turn into pure distress no matter how calm he tried to look.

Dick opened his mouth to answer, ready to lie and get defensive, but he faltered before he could get a single word out because Bruce’s hard gaze wasn’t one of judgement, it was the air of a man steeling himself for the worst, it was concern under layers of hardboiled endurance.

The omega ended up just nodding and looking at the wall, anything to avoid those sharp eyes.

“What did you do?” Bruce’s voice was level but hard, he was studying Dick, not his eyes but at every little nervous twitch. That stare was picking him apart piece by piece and Dick could feel himself crumble under it.

“Bruce, I… I tried so hard… He was hurting everyone I cared about, he would have gone after you if he could, he went after everyone he knew about… I just… I _wanted_ him dead, I really did, I didn’t pull the trigger but I might as well have…” Dick felt the words tumbling out of him like a rockslide, anxious and troubled before spilling into anger and guilt, not really sure what he was really admitting to anymore.

The alpha took it all in quietly, without moving a muscle. It frustrated and worried Dick.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Bruce… The code…” Dick babbled, barely aware that he his hands were fisted in his jeans and his leg was bouncing rapidly, nervous energy just bubbling up inside him. _Please don’t hate me_.

“Who actually killed him?” Bruce sat a little straighter, looking grim and no longer touching, more like Batman than Bruce Wayne.

“Tarantula.” Dick choked on the name, standing from the couch because he suddenly couldn’t sit still anymore, and he certainly couldn’t stomach looking at Bruce.

“I thought she worked for him.” Bruce was watching him move, watching Dick begin to pace.

“It’s complicated. She shot him to save me and she…” Dick stuttered, let the words turn to ash in his mouth.

His mind was suddenly swimming, he could barely think straight, was almost sure he could hear the gunshot echo in his head, the rain pouring around him, and Catalina’s voice…

 _‘Shh… Everything all right, baby, it’s all ok… Quiet, mi amor. Callado._ ’

He stiffened, looking around with wild eyes, half expecting to feel the fathom of rain on his skin, the hardness of concrete against his back and the weight of a woman… No! He couldn’t spiral into those memories. Not now.

Dick wasn’t even aware that his scent had become acrid with pure unaltered distress seeping from every pore. Bruce, however, was almost choking on the cloud of panic emanating from the omega and didn’t exactly know how to deal with it.

“She what?” Bruce stood too, unable to ignore the signs anymore.

“It was my fault.” Dick said all too quickly, frantic. Catalina had been his responsibility after all, hadn’t she?

“What did she do, Dick?” The alpha’s voice turned less stern, but one by the smallest degree.

Dick shook his head vehemently, eyes trained on the ground now, hands balled into fists heedless of the nails digging into his palms, his teeth grinding together with all the effort he put into not shaking. He wasn’t trying to protect anyone, he just… He just couldn’t _say it_.

He told himself he shouldn’t be reacting so strongly, in his life he’d been held hostage, threatened, tied down, beaten, shot, drugged, and persecuted, he lost loved ones and he’d nearly lost himself, and through it all he had always been able to keep moving, to pick himself back up, but now… Why could he barely think straight whenever he started to remember that day?

“Dick!” Bruce called out to him, Dick noticed for the first time that his breath was coming short and that Bruce’s hand gripping his shoulder, trying to get his attention. “What did she do?”

“I… I don’t know what happened.” He started to babble, letting the words rush out before they could get stuck in his ribs like thorns again. “I was already losing it because of Desmond and then he was dead, and I let it happen and I just… I couldn’t… I couldn’t think! I couldn’t move! I couldn’t even breathe!”

As if to emphasize his words, Dick’s breath became even harsher, he was having a hard time sucking in enough air, his lungs just felt constricted and small as if his ribs had suddenly curled into themselves, cold sweat was starting to bead on the back of his neck, his fists were clenching and unclenching, and his chest ached all the way through to his back, as if he’d been impaled.

Bruce’s own hands moved until they were framing Dick’s face now, forcing him to look at the alpha whose scent exuded safety and danger in equal amounts. Bruce seemed about to say something but now that that the tap was open, Dick’s words just kept spilling out of him, rushing out in a confused mess as if racing to get out before he lost all nerve.

“I told her to stop but she didn’t care… I couldn’t push her away. She’s an amateur, why couldn’t I just push her away?!” Dick didn’t even realize that he was gripping Bruce’s wrists painfully tight while he slowly unraveled into hysteria.

“Breathe, Dick. Slowly.” Bruce instructed, forcing himself to maintain some kind of eye contact to help ground Dick, his hands were still on the omega’s face and he tried to coach Dick into copying his own deep paced breaths.

Dick tried, he really tried to obey, he did indeed manage to get enough air into his lungs so that he wouldn’t suffocate but he was still agitated, still shaking with nervous energy practically vibrating through him. He didn’t remember moving but he found himself pressed to Bruce, face buried in the alpha’s chest while the man’s arms tightened around him and anchored him.

“You had a breakdown and she raped you.” Bruce stated bluntly after several more of Dick’s attempts at breathing. It wasn’t even a question, he just _knew_.

The omega flinched as that hideous word cut into him.

“No… Yes… No, I should have been strong enough to stop her! I let her kill for me and then I let her… I let her.”

Dick swallowed around the massive lump clogging his throat like a golf ball, he still felt like a boa was crushing his chest.

Logically, he knew this was a panic attack, but just because a part of his brain knew that didn’t mean the rest of his body understood and so it had gone into survival mode, drowning him in adrenaline.

The irony was that it wasn’t even Catalina that was on his mind as breath tried to claw out of his lungs. It was what she had brought up in him- the helplessness, the violations of another time, a time when had actually fought back and failed.

“Just because you refused to harm her doesn’t mean you consented to anything she did.” Bruce deep baritone was low, weakly attempting to sooth Dick while still holding him.

“I was going into heat, B… She said… She said she couldn’t help herself…” Dick mumbled the words into the alpha’s chest, sounding lost and ashamed. “What if it _was_ my fault?”

“Dick, it wasn’t.” Bruce pushed him away just enough so that he could make Dick look at him, one hand remaining on the omega’s back while the other reached up to tip his chin.

“I… The problem is not what she did… It’s that I let her.” Dick closed his eyes, unable to look at the alpha but also unwilling to pull away from the touch.

“Did you say no?”

“Yeah…”

“Then you didn’t let her. She took advantage of your mental state.” Bruce sounded so final, so certain, and Dick desperately wanted to believe him.

“I thought I was done letting people use me that way.” Dick swallowed the bitterness in his own voice, he wasn’t really thinking anymore and was muttering to himself, he felt both hyperaware and exhausted all of the sudden, just wanted to be able to breathe again, just wanted Bruce to never stop touching him.

“Dick…” There was a heavy pause and when Dick cracked his eyes open he noticed a heavy frown darkening in Bruce’s face. “What are you talking about?”

He froze, suddenly catching up on his own words. What had he said? Shit, had he spoken out loud? “Wh-What?”

“Dick.” The name was spoken in warning. Bruce had spent a long time teaching a young Dick how to recognize and resist an alpha’s command voice and Dick heard that tone now in Bruce’s words.

“Having her on me like that… It took me back to a place I thought I had gotten over, and, and I fought before so why didn’t I fight her too?”

The answer had come automatically, any other day Dick would ashamed by how easily he had given in to the alpha voice but right then he couldn’t care less because Bruce looked _pissed_. The only positive side to everything was that that anger was sobering Dick up enough that he was breathing again, focusing, staying on his toes almost out of reflex.

“Who else, Dick? When?” The older man was almost glaring, his scent exuding new levels of danger, his hands now on Dick’s biceps and grasping just a bit too tight.

“Long time ago.” The omega tried to look away and failed, drawn by fury burning in Bruce’s eyes.

“In the circus? Or after?” The real question was clear- was it before Bruce was there to protect him? Or had he failed him?

“After.” Dick swallowed a whole new lump in his throat but for once his reply was steady.

“Who?” The alpha voice was still there but Dick had snapped out of it enough that he knew to avoid that particular question.

“It was a long time ago. It’s over.” He tried to deflect, shifting nervously, the ache in his chest still clutching tight at his lungs but feeling less lethal now. “It _was_ over. Tarantula just brought it all back.”

“I need to know when and who.” Bruce was definitely furious, his face had deep controlled scowl but his hands were digging into Dick’s arms unconsciously hard.

“Please don’t hate me, B. Please.” Dick trembled, feeling like a kid all over again.

The words seem to strike the alpha like a slap and had him softening up moments later, lips twisted slightly in concern. He released his aggressive hold and instead sighed and wrapped both arms around Dick, one on the small of his back and the other on the back of his neck, pulling him into another embrace.

“I could never hate you.” Bruce spoke more quietly, alpha tone gone.

“Maybe you should. Tarantula…” Dick still babbled, the shame still ate him up, but the exhaustion and anxiety were sapping away his strength and he clung to the alpha for dear life.

“Stop. Nothing that woman did can make me hate you.” Bruce let Dick cling to him, his hand rubbing circles mechanically on the omega’s back as he focused on trying to shift his pheromones into something calmer. “Her or anyone else.”

“Maybe I really am a liability on the field. Maybe it’s my fault I keep letting this happen, I should be strong enough to stop it.” Dick sighed, breathing slowly, too tired to truly panic anymore but still too upset to calm down, he was, however, simmering in self-hate more than fear at this point.

“Are you really the Dick Grayson I know? Because the Dick I know would never believe that sort of thing or sell himself short like that.”

“But…” Dick hesitated, he wanted to agree with Bruce but he was still struggling with the nagging voice in his skull telling him it was his fault, that he was weak. That voice sounded suspiciously like a man from his past, one whose very memory drove Dick up the walls with anger.

_‘You need to be tougher than that, little bird…’_

“Dick, whatever happened, if anyone can get through it, it’s you.” Bruce didn’t let go, his arms remained firmly around Dick and the confidence in his tone spoke volumes about the trust he had on the omega.

There was silence after that, Dick was taking Bruce’s words in but he was trapped into his own head too. After everything he went though, this couldn’t be what broke him, could it? If Bruce had so much faith in him, maybe he could get past this, maybe someday it would all be alright.

Dick only realized he could breathe a little easier when the tight knot in his chest eased a bit but with it came the sense of vulnerability that he hated more than anything, so he buried his face in Bruce’s shoulder, hiding but also trying to anchor himself to reality. The alpha’s scent had indeed finally shifted into something less dangerous, less angry, something that oozed both strength and possessiveness all at once.

“Bruce…” Dick finally broke the silence after several long minutes. “The day I arrived? I didn’t come here for you to ease my conscience, I didn’t come here to force you to help me, I came because… Because I need you. I can’t pretend nothing happened but at least when I’m with you I feel... Safe.”

Bruce answered by leaning close and kissing his hair softly, a slow gentle pressure of lips before he pressed his forehead to Dick’s, holding him closer like he wanted to shield the younger man from the world. “I’m here.”

Dick was confused by all the tenderness Bruce was displaying; he wasn’t complaining, not when he needed the contact, but Bruce had never been so inclined to touch, so willing to comfort, he preferred to give people space to work things out on their own, and yet here he was making an _effort_.

What was most mind-boggling was that the conversation started with Dick admitting he allowed someone to kill for him, for all intents and purposes Bruce should be furious at him, not trying to make him feel better.

“I’m so sorry…” Dick sighed again. “For breaking down so easily…”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Bruce moved them back to the couch, pulling Dick with him. “I understand.”

“What?”

“You hate yourself because you think that you should have been able to stop it or anticipate it because of your strengths. You feel exposed, if you failed yourself how do you know everyone else won’t fail you too? You need to feel in control again.”

“Yeah…” Dick’s eyes narrowed as he took the words in, a small sneaking suspicion crawling up his spine. “You really are a great detective.”

“Or maybe I just understand better than you think.” Bruce showed no emotion in that sentence gave Dick a penetrating look. “Much better.”

“…B, were you…?” It couldn’t be, Dick had to be wrong, there was no way in hell somebody could have taken advantage of the dark knight that way. _Right_?

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that I understand, and I don’t see you as any less, you are not the things that happened to you.” Bruce’s tone made it clear that it was final, he wasn’t going to argue this point further.

“…Alright.” Dick’s mind was still racing but he nodded, letting himself fold forward on the edge of the seat, his elbows landed on his thighs and his hands laced behind his head in a pose of defeat.

“Damn it, Bruce. Why did you make me have this conversation?” He groaned without moving from his dejected position, he felt lighter after getting everything off his chest and being reassured that Bruce didn’t hate him for it but he was dropping from the adrenaline and panic and still felt ashamed.

“I had to know.”

Dick ground his teeth, nerves sizzling again, and snapped. “Why do you have to control everything?!”

“Because it’s the only way I know to keep everyone safe.” Bruce snapped right back.

“Goddamn it!” Dick couldn’t argue with that, it was a slice of the real Bruce showing through, so instead and got up to pace again.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have insisted.” Bit was as good an apology as Dick was ever going to get. Bruce then took the omega’s hand to stop his pacing.

Dick didn’t say anything, just frowned, jaw tight and shoulders hunched, as he let the alpha guide out of the den to who knows where. They ended up in the kitchen, Dick sitting at the table feeling emotionally rung out like a rag with his head in his hands, and Bruce putting a kettle on the stove to make tea in silence.

The quiet didn’t last though because just as kettle began to whistle, Alfred came to check what happened with Jason following closely behind.

“Sir, do you require assistance?” The butler looked at Bruce but a moment later his entire attention was on Dick, reading the omega’s body language with ease and if there was any doubt that he could smell something off that doubt was dashed when Jason wrinkled his nose and looked around in confusion.

Alfred completely ignored Bruce’s reply and made a beeline for Dick, crouching down to coach the acrobat into looking at him, his old pale hands taking Dick’s darker ones and carefully asking- “Is everything alright? What do you need?”

“What the hell did you do?” Jason glared at Bruce, actually glared at the pack alpha as if he had zero concept of self-preservation.

The boy moved to Dick, squaring his shoulders and wrapping his arms around the acrobat from behind in an overprotective stance that caught Bruce off guard, he was still glaring and Alfred was fussing and speaking soothingly about all the suggestions he had to make Dick more comfortable, both of them unconsciously flinging around their own pheromones without even noticing what they were doing.

Before Bruce could react, before he could understand the situation or lash at Jason for the obvious posturing, everything went still because Dick couldn’t help himself- he just started _laughing_.

Dick was a warrior, a vigilante- he could dive off a skyscraper, do a rare quadruple flip and still manage to control a grappling line and land safely, he could fight off a whole team of assassins with his bare hands if need be, he’d overcome fear gas, he’d survived being shot, stabbed, pummeled into the pavement and even radiation poisoning!

And yet, here was their pack elder and a kid both actively ignoring their leader and acting overprotective because their instincts were telling them their pack omega was upset. Dick just had to laugh.

(He also briefly marveled at the amount of influence he had over his packmates, it’s a heady sort of power over the people he’d been severely neglecting over the years. He really needed to make it up to them.)

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Dick took a deep breath, toning the laughter down into chuckles and trying to hide the sting that wet the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, you’re all just too cute.”

Bruce huffed and turned back to the neglected kettle to finish making the tea, Alfred looked puzzled but composed himself quickly, and Jason just hooked his chin on Dick’s shoulder and refused to let him go, still glaring daggers at Bruce’s back.

“Bruce didn’t do anything wrong, Jay. Relax.” Dick smiled, feeling so much lighter. “I’m fine, I promise.”

Neither the beta nor the young alpha seemed convinced but Jason finally relaxed and let go while Alfred stepped back, plucked a mug from Bruce’s hands and passed it to Dick, ever the caretaker. It made Bruce frown slightly, just a tiniest pinch of his brow and jut of his lower lip that most people wouldn’t even notice but that Dick identified as the alpha sulking, he had to resist the urge to laugh all over again.

In that moment, surrounded by his little pack, Dick actually believed Bruce- maybe he really could get through that darkness that plagued his mind, maybe everything would really be alright.


	4. Prelude To The Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick has a mission or two, Bruce and Jason are going through a rough patch. The storm clouds are gathering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is slightly smaller because things start getting intense after this and the evil little tags start coming into effect in the next chapter. Prepare your hearts.  
> Sorry if there are typos, I didn't proofread this because I have a train to catch, might correct any mishaps later.

It had been a month and half since Dick’s heat and even though a tiny part of him was still afraid Bruce was suddenly going to change his mind, the fact was- it had been a good six weeks.

Dick was still living in Bludhaven and still teaching self-defense classes for a living, yet he was considering whether or not to move back to Gotham, just didn’t see any rush to make the decision yet. As it was, he visited Bruce every two or three days, sometimes he’d pop up in the afternoon and end up have dinner with everyone before returning to Bludhaven for his own patrol as Nightwing, other days he’d be waiting for Batman in the cave at ungodly hours of the night and would usually end up sleeping over.

There was one memorable time were Dick and Bruce coordinated their days off and spent a whole day together, Bruce had had some fancy date-like plan but though their day started out pretty easygoing with brunch at some expensive place Bruce liked, things just ended up with them getting lost talking about whatever cases they were working on at the time. Dick didn’t mind, he knew Bruce meant well but they were both workaholics in their own ways.

There was the sex too, which was pretty awesome in Dick’s book.

In bed, Bruce was intense but also a surprisingly caring and devoted lover, it clashed a bit with the image of unapproachability the alpha projected every day of his life but Dick loved how he could be almost sweet and vulnerable in his own careful way when they were together behind closed doors, it was the side of Bruce that only Dick really, truly, knew and he adored that honor. Not mention, maybe that was just wishful thinking but Dick was utterly convinced that Bruce secretly craved cuddles and was just too proud to admit it.

However, that night Dick was heading to Gotham not for a social visit but for work.

If someone were to ask Nightwing what he missed most about Gotham, he would have said- the air. Not the smog or the overcrowded smell of the streets but the cold sharp whip against his skin when he flew off a building, the way his breath was like a thousand tiny razorblade butterflies rushing into his lungs when he swung between gothic arches and towers of limestone, granite and steel that made up the landscape of the powerful aristocratic city.

Despite its flaws, the skies of Gotham still felt like home.

Speaking of the skies, the bat-signal was shinning bright against the smog and Dick felt a pang of longing for the days when that meant something special to him, when the sight meant rushing to put on his cape and mask, racing across the city with Bruce to answer the call, blood pumping and excitement building in his young body. He could still remember the burn in his muscles from exertion, the laughter bubbling in his throat whenever they one-upped a criminal mastermind, the feeling of the mask glued to his face long before they started using nanotech masks.

Dick ran a hand through his hair and sighed, lost in nostalgia. What he wouldn’t give to be with Bruce right that moment, fighting by the alpha’s side, laughing to lighten Batman’s serious mood, racing each other through the rooftops… It was silly that he saw so much more of the man that last month than in the previous three years put together and yet he missed him more than ever.

Alas, Nightwing had his work to do.

Racing through the streets on a bike was significantly different from flying but the rush of wind and the thrill of speed was almost as satisfying. Dick made his way to Catwoman’s territory, he hoped he wouldn’t bump into her on East End because he had no time to explain why he was there, not to _her_ anyway (he hated that he was still a little bitter about Bruce and Selina being a thing while he was gone).

The large white and green truck he’d been tracking since Bludhaven was parked next to an abandoned warehouse and a decrepit old church, broken glass littered the pavement and there was graffiti on every decaying wall. Three men here already busy loading boxes into the vehicle and Nightwing counted at least six more people more moving inside the warehouse.

It seemed like a pretty standard operation but Dick wasn’t interested in just catching this particular shipment, what he really wanted was the same thing Bruce had been looking for in the last week.

Nightwing slipped through a much too narrow ventilation opening in the roof of the warehouse and landed silently in the shadows among the rafters of the building, he realized he had been slightly off in his first assessment- other than the three men loading the truck, there were four more people in protective gear around a decently sized mobile lab taking canisters from crates to cut the contents with other chemicals and package them in small doses in the boxes that were being loaded out; another four armed men roamed around the place on guard duty.

Nightwing could identify the contents of the lab with ease just by faint nauseating smell they exuded- massive quantities of Joker venom being diluted to make ‘chuckles’, the party drug that had been plaguing Bludhaven streets lately and had been quickly seeping its way to Gotham. Dick felt his stomach roll and gagged from the chemical smell even from thirty feet away (he wondered how the workers handled it up close, even in masks).

‘Chuckles’ had been Nightwing’s problem, but he soon discovered his case overlapped with Batman’s because the drug was being made with venom redirected from much larger shipments that the dark knight was investigating.

Batman and Robin had been trying to find out where the large amounts of Joker venom being smuggled around Gotham where going and why; plus where the massive amounts of chemicals used to make the venom in the first place were coming from, seeing as there was no way suppliers moving large enough quantities to produce those massive amounts would go unnoticed but somehow the origin of the substances and how they were moved were still a mystery.

Nightwing needed to shut this tiny sample of a lab down but he also needed information on where the cannister crates came from.

He examined his options- in the event that all eleven of these people decided to put up a fight, at least seven of them clearly armed, would he be able to h restrain them all or would some escape? Should he risk letting these guys go and focus on waiting for a new shipment of Joker venom so he could track the origin and cut off the supply at the source?

The decision was made for him when a new truck arrived, he moved quietly over the rafters to peer outside but caught the red logo of a shipping company on a smaller truck, several people spewing out of it and pushing a new crate of the venom into the warehouse. He needed to get a tracker on that truck and follow it.

Getting the tracker in place was easy, a well-timed throw of a tiny magnetic bug did the trick, but luck didn’t last- in the lab a cannister had leaked and one of the workers was panicking as venom in liquid form sprayed all over him and the woman next to him, despite the protective gear some must have made skin contact because in a matter of seconds the two screamed and began to trash, wrecking the lab as the shouts mutated into manic laugher and everyone else rushed in, two men trying to shoot the infected before they cause more damage.

The people in the shipping truck scattered almost as quickly as they arrived but Nightwing ignored them for the moment and moved on impulse, people were getting hurt and his first instinct was to help. He flipped off the rafters and slammed one shooter into the other, disarming them before they even knew he was there.

Suddenly all eyes were on him, weapons being drawn and thugs yelling generic orders that he knew by heart but didn’t care to listen to, he was more focused on the two people doused with the venom- they were still laughing but the sound was dying out into hiccups as they stilled on the ground with eerie overly stretched grins. It gave Dick chills, even years later he remembered what that stuff felt like diluted, had had him waking up from nightmares giggling involuntarily for weeks, and he just refused to try and imagine what the pure stuff must feel like.

Bullets started raining down and Nightwing snapped out of it, he somersaulted backwards away to dodge and frog-leaped over an assailant before kicking the man’s knees in, the guy fell forward and shot up randomly trying to hit Nightwing, instead of disabling him Dick was forced to haul the thug up and fling him to the furthest wall before the others shot their own companion to get the intruder. It made him an open target.

To avoid another round, Nightwing kicked at the closest wall for leverage in order to propel himself towards the assailants fast enough that they didn’t have time to aim, he landed and dropped, sweeping two men off their feet before drawing his escrima sticks and landing four consecutive blows on another person, disarming them rapidly and knocking them out, only to turn and defend against another thug while landing a hit on one more.

The fight progressed rapidly but ended quickly too. In order to get all the guns out of the way, Dick made himself vulnerable to a couple of punches and kicks to his back and arms that were certainly going to bruise but it was nothing he couldn’t handle, barely felt them as he focused on disabling all opponents.

By the time they were all neutralized, the shipping truck was gone, fled as soon as the commotion started. Dick wasn’t fazed, the tracker was in place and this little operation was down.

“Nightwing to GCPD.” He spoke into his comm and contacting the authorities. “Drug operation on East End. Warehouse 17, at Poplar Street, next to the condemned church.”

As the operator asked for details and Nightwing gave them, he occupied himself zip-tying the perps. Then he disconnected the call and headed towards his bike.

According to the tracking system in his mask, the truck was heading out of the city going west. Less then fifteen minutes later, he was chasing the vehicle down in the highway, wind whipping icily around him as he sped after his target. It was moments like this when Dick was glad he no longer wore little green shorts, that and that his suit had thermal insulation.

There a small privately owned airport well outside of Gotham’s jurisdiction, the truck had parked among several identical others inside. Nightwing hid his bike as close as possible without behind noticed and sneaked in to do some investigating.

*

It was three AM and the bat cave was eerily quiet beyond the whisper of the wind through its crevices, it even lacked the usual little squeaks of bats since they were out hunting.

After Nightwing had arrived, Alfred had brought him some coffee and, after whatever Batman and Robin were doing seemed to have calmed down enough that communications went silent, the beta retired for the night, though only after Dick promised he’d keep an eye on the comms while he worked. He would have appreciated the butler’s company but he needed to focus and always felt a little bad when Alfred had to stay up all night just waiting for everyone else to get back.

Dick didn’t mind the quiet though, he was sitting in front of the computer with his mask resting next to the keyboard, busy going through the all the data he copied from the main server at the airport, occasionally sneaking glances at the side screen to follow the coordinates of the Batmobile’s movements through Gotham.

He swallowed the last dregs of coffee and scowled, wondering if he should go upstairs to get more or not, on one hand he needed something to perk him up but on the other he didn’t feel like dragging himself all the way up to manor just yet.

The truth was, Dick felt exhausted.

It didn’t seem quite right, it was true that just that night he’d been in a fight and taken some hits, he’d tracked a truck in the cold for over an hour, did some sleuthing and drove all the way back to Gotham but none of that should have tired him out so much, he was used to doing much more in a single patrol night without getting drained.

Still, for the last few days he’d just been so tired. Alfred was probably right, they all needed to cut back a little and start sleeping more.

Dick was drearily reading the same travel log for a particular flight for the third time, certain he was on to something, when the silence was finally broken by a crackle of the comms and voice. “Penny-one. Batman and Robin returning to base.”

“Copy.” Dick replied briefly, feeling warm just from hearing Batman’s low baritone.

“Nightwing.”

“Took over for Penny-one. See you in a bit.”

The batmobile made its way into the cave fifteen minutes later and by then Dick was out of the chair and stretching lazily, trying not to wince from the soreness of the bruises already forming under his suit. He watched Robin jump out of the vehicle mid-sentence, he boy looked angry and couldn’t seem to get out of the car fast enough.

“…wasn’t my fault! You can’t do this to me!” Jason was yelling, by how red in the face he was he had probably been yelling for a while.

“I can and I have. Keep it up and I’ll bench you indefinitely.” Batman snapped at him, firmly and leaving no room for argument.

Robin growled in frustration, shoulders squared and posture aggressive before he pivoted around and walked off, completely ignoring Nightwing and storming towards the showers without a word. Bruce watched the boy go and then made his way towards the computer.

“Saw the signal. Long night?” Dick leaned against the counter. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to see, and touch, Bruce until that moment, how weirdly needy he felt; yet, the atmosphere was all wrong so he held himself back.

“Another Dumpster Slasher victim.” A simple clipped answer with no inflection. Anyone else might have stepped back right then, but Dick? He couldn’t help himself, he leaned into it.

“Anything new?”

Batman shook his head, he took the seat Nightwing had just vacated but instead of starting on his report for the night he just stared at the screen.

“Did you get anything on the Joker venom situation?” Batman spoke without looking at Nightwing.

“Yup, pretty sure their smuggling using an international charitable organization. Mostly medical supplies. Shipping and flight logs are on the computer.” Dick crossed his arms nonchalantly as Bruce finally reached for the keyboard and started going through data, he had yet to remove the cowl.

They were still discussing case details and exchanging notes when Jason appeared again, now with damp hair and wearing sweatpants and a red Wonder Woman t-shirt. Dick greeted him but the kid just waved dismissively without looking at them as he crossed the cave and disappeared towards the elevator.

“So, what’s wrong?” Dick watched Jason go and then turned his attention back to Batman.

“Good job gathering the new data.” Bruce flicked through the different files on the computer, focusing on the one’s Nightwing had highlighted.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Nothing is wrong.” Batman scrolled through Nightwing’s report of the evening’s events, doing so too fast to really be paying much attention.

“Yeah, that little show with Jason was _sooo_ normal.” Dick moved up behind the chair and draped his arms over the man, hooking his chin over the alpha’s shoulder. “Talk to me.”

“I always knew he was reckless and impulsive, but he’s been getting too aggressive lately. I’m afraid someone will end up hurt.” The alpha’s jaw tensed as he grit his teeth, clearly reigning in his temper.

“What did he do?”

Bruce shook his head again and didn’t reply, his back ramrod straight and still looking at the computer screen, or at last he seemed to be, it was hard to tell with the lenses of the cowl.

There was no scent to give away Batman’s mood, the dampers they all wore on patrol to further conceal their presence were still holding strong, so he looked unfazed to the average person but Dick knew him too well, could see that every muscle in Batman’s body screamed tension under the cape, he even had one hand on the counter and was drumming his gloved fingers in a pattern- a small heavily restrained tick that Dick recognized all too well.

“Bruce…”

“He’s taking a break from Robin, effective immediately.” The alpha sounded grim, angry even, but Dick knew there was more to it than that.

“Ok, maybe he needs it. Every kid struggles with boundaries, his just happen to be on more violent turf than the average teenager. You knew all this already.” He watched Bruce nod curtly and refuse to say any more, the cowl hiding his true reaction.

Dick moved, to the alpha’s lap this time, straddling the older man calmly. He reached for the cowl, disabled the safety in it and slipped it off, watching Bruce blink at the change in lighting, his short tousled hair a beautiful mess and his face set in a slightly sterner expression than usual.

“What else is on your mind?” Dick asked, smiling kindly. “And don’t start talking about cases, I know that’s not it.”

“It’s complicated.” Bruce focused on his gaze on the blue symbol of Nightwing’s suit, the hand not tapping against the counter slid to Dick’s lower back, holding him in place.

“I have time, B, explain it to me. You know I’m happy to listen.” Dick wrapped his arms loosely around the alpha’s neck.

“Jason found a lead on his biological mother. He wants to go find her.” Bruce’s eyes still looked distant, lost in thought, his thumb drawing lazy little circles on the omega’s skin over the black of the suit.

“Ok, and how is that a problem?” Dick knew about this situation, Jason had actually called him shortly after he found out he had a living biological mother somewhere- the kid had be torn, wanted to know why the woman had just left him behind with a man like Willis Todd. Dick had wanted to comfort him even if all he could do was be as good a listener as possible.

“He wants to follow a barely substantial lead to the Middle East. He’s not thinking it through, we’re in the middle of a case.” Bruce’s face was hard.

“…You’re worried he’s going to get his heart broken, aren’t you?” Dick sighed and leaned closer, nuzzling Bruce’s neck- the feeling of the alpha’s stubble was nice against his cheek, but it frustrated Dick more than he would admit that he couldn’t really smell alpha properly, not until the dampers wore off.

Bruce said nothing, instead he tipped his head just enough to return Dick’s gesture, nuzzling under the younger man’s jaw lightly.

“Let him go find her, Bruce. He needs the closure.”

The alpha made a vague noncommittal sound and for a while they were just quietly basking in each other’s company. Bruce seemed content to just sit there with his face pressed to Dick’s skin, inhaling the omega’s soothing scent which had long since started to spill through as Nightwing’s own dampers faded off completely.

They sat there together for a while, both of Bruce’s hands on Dick now, unconsciously rubbing little circles against the dimples of his lower back while the younger man played with the little hairs at the nape of the alpha’s neck until the tension started to leak from Bruce’s body. It was soft and it was intimate and even though Dick was actively trying to soothe, he felt like he was the one being cared for instead, his instincts just kept telling him to stay close, to keep touching.

At some point though, Bruce made a slight thoughtful sound, nose pressing a little closer to the curve of the omega’s throat and sniffing quietly.

“What?” Dick hummed, curious, and then a thought hit him and he sat up a little straighter. “Crap, do I smell still like chemicals?” He tipped his head trying to catch a whiff of his own suit. “Sorry, the stuff in the lab I busted today was terrible and I got distracted with the paperwork instead of showering.”

“That’s not it.” Bruce shook his head, pulling the younger man back into the embrace again.

“Oh?” The omega blinked, surprised by how unusually cuddly Bruce was being. Normally the alpha had to make a visible effort to touch him gently, affectionately, but for a rare change it seemed to be coming naturally.

“Have you been using my aftershave again?” Bruce sounded vaguely amused.

“I guess?” Truth was Dick had been using the same aftershave and cologne as alpha for weeks, it was just comforting for no discernible reason. He wondered if Bruce was only now noticing. “Why?”

“You smell somewhat like me.” Bruce purred, honest to god _purred_. “I like it.”

“Er… Cool.” Dick didn’t know how else to reply to that and mentally shrugged, there was no way in hell he was going to so say or do anything that might kill the little moment they were having. Bruce seemed to agree.

*

Dick never found out what Bruce decided to do about the Jason situation and he would come to regret it for the rest of his life.

The night after the ‘chuckles’ bust in Gotham, Kori called- the Titans needed Nightwing for an assignment. They had been investigating a string of murders and attacks of young meta-humans but it turned out the victims were actually aliens, humanoid refugees from a planet with an unpronounceable name that no longer existed, they were trying to make Earth their new home; the survivors described a very familiar modus operandi and even more familiar assassin, one Nightwing was an expert on.

Dick would have considered taking Jason to help but even if the kid hadn’t been dealing with his own problems and hadn’t been benched, there was still the fact that Jason had a rocky history with the Titans, he had never quite fit in because everybody expected him to be like Dick- to lead, to be responsible for everyone- and that hadn’t worked out.

The Titans needed him immediately without delay so Nightwing packed his things and headed out to help his comrades. On the way to San Francisco to meet up with everyone he called Bruce to explain he wouldn’t be around but it was late and Batman was on patrol so all Dick could do was leave a voicemail.

_“Hey, B!_

_Sorry I couldn’t tell you in person but I’m going to be out of town for a while. I have to go help the Titans, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone._

_Look, I know I haven’t said it since that night but, hm… I love you, ok? I do and I trust you and I know Jay does too, I know you’ll make the right call with him._

_So, yeah, hm… Try not to get seduced by anyone else while I’m gone.”_

Dick ended the message with a playful laugh.

After the hung up he stared fondly at his phone, half hoping it might just light up with a call from Bruce. It didn’t and that was fine, it was time to grab his tablet instead and check the crime scenes photos Kori had sent- he had work to do after all.


	5. Friendly Like A Spider And A Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightwing rushes to help his friends. He falls into the clutches of demons instead and is dealt a frightening blow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I lied. It seems the really evil tags won't come into effect in this chapter because I can't keep anything brief. Next chapter, for sure.
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write because of all the dstractions that came with the holidays and because Dick's POV is just a big challenge for me. I'm not super happy with the result but I'm too eager to move on with the story to waste any more time on this one chapter. Sorry for the delay

Dick was halfway to San Francisco when he got an emergency signal, the minute he arrived he was in costume, the signal still blinking in the lens of his mask. He knew that code- the Tower was compromised, backup was needed.

By the time he reached the Tower it was a disaster. The entrances were all busted open, a few floors halfway up were on fire, shadows moved all along inside the building, and suddenly there was glass raining down as someone was flung through a widow by one of Starfire’s bolts.

Wait, was that a _ninja_? An actual _ninja_?

The falling man seemed to have been flung from the med bay so that was now Nightwing’s goal.

He raced into the building through an emergency entrance and immediately flung himself into the fray. There were, in fact, ninjas attacking the building- not just ordinary thugs, they were good and armed and their techniques were dreadfully familiar but Dick couldn’t quite pinpoint where he recognized the fighting style from.

Still, _ninjas_ , for crying out loud! The enthusiastic child in Dick couldn’t help but find the whole thing exciting and cool in a dark sort of way.

It was eerily quiet inside, with so many people fighting nearby and flooding every floor it should have been mayhem but the ninjas were as silent as they were brutal, the crackle of Nightwing’s eskrima sticks seemed almost deafening in the air and the occasional smacks and thuds of hits landing were like gunshots. His soft laughter when he outsmarted any attackers though? That was almost ethereal in the quiet darkness of the building.

By the time he made it to the med bay door the Kevlar weave in his suit was torn in multiple places and he was damn sure he’d have a whole patch of bruises blooming all over his arms before the night was up but he ignored it all, was more concerned with the fact that he couldn’t take all the assailants down, had to run and dodge and trap half of them instead because there were just too many and too skilled.

And then his adrenaline spiked into something much less excited, something much more anxious, because the med bay was pure chaos and not in the typical rush of battle sort of way.

Beast Boy was a huge bull, giving new meaning to the saying ‘bull in a china shop’ as he rammed every invader in his path; Donna and Joey were nearby in civilian clothes, probably having showed up to respond to the emergency beacon, one was lassoing ninjas and the other was body-jumping to make ninjas attack each other.

Ravager and Kid Flash were on the ground a few feet apart and out for the count, blood smeared down the side of her face and his chest, Nightwing couldn’t even tell if they were alive.

As for Raven, she was busy shielding a large group of people, mainly children, who screamed in terror whenever the empath’s black energy deflected the ninja’s blades. The civilians were humanoid enough but their skin was flecked with silver freckles, like moonlit glitter, and their corneas were pitch black, making the jewel tones of their glowing irises stand out that much more starkly. And there were spatters of purplish fluid on some of them, more of the same pooling around a couple of people sprawled motionless on the ground.

Lastly, there was Starfire, she was battling a man in a familiar black and orange suit. She looked vicious, blood staining her clothes, lips curled into a snarl, eyes glowing, hair aflame, and flinging starbolts towards the man that dodged with unnatural ease, heavy-duty guns aimed squarely at her head.

Nightwing usually preferred to calculate his moves and strategies but when he flung himself into action this time it was out of sheer instinct, he caught Deathstroke from behind before the man even spotted him, eskrima electrocuting through the armor before he tried to pin the merc down. If only it was that easy.

Deathstroke shouted and jolted but stood his ground, recovering in mere seconds, long enough to use his weight against the younger man and fling him right into Starfire. Kori tried to catch him and both got slammed into the med cots, getting tangled in the steel frames.

“Go help Raven, I’ll handle him.” Nightwing disentangled himself easily, flipped back up in a flash and took up a defensive stance, watching Starfire nod and fly to their comrade from the corner of his eye.

“Well, well… I was wondering when you would show up, little bird.” Deathstroke’s single eye fixed on Nightwing, grabbing his sword instead of his firearms.

“Why are you doing this, Slade?” He planted his feet and blocked a strike of the blade, trying to use the man’s momentum against him, quickly gaining ground.

“You know me, it’s never personal, just business.” Deathstroke kept attacking relentlessly, eventually spinning out of the way of the younger man’s sticks and slamming the butt of his sword right into Nightwing’s face. “And if it brings me to your little motley team? That’s just happy coincidence.”

Dick stumbled back a step, blood dripping from his nose as he blinked away the feeling of disorientation, but soon regained his stance and blocked another blow.

Someone screamed, it was unclear who, but half a second later a green rhino was flying through the air and crashing into Starfire, both hitting the wall with such force that it partially collapsed on them both. Raven yelled something, she was busy not only protecting the civilians but controlling the flames rapidly spreading around everyone; meanwhile Donna was literally swarmed by ninjas, pinned down with her own lasso, and Joey’s body was unresponsive on the ground, near him a single ninja suddenly turned from her comrades and their choreographed assault.

Dick found himself moving mechanically, an old dance of dodging and retaliating well-practiced moves, he knew he had to break the pattern before Deathstroke did and he usually had enough of a lid on his anger to plan out the next move needed for this but when it came to Slade Wilson he just got _so_. _Damn_. _Furious_.

That’s how he ended up on his back on the floor with a sword to his throat.

“Sloppy. I taught you better than that.” Deathstroke shifted minutely, prepared to put that last ounce of pressure on the blade.

And then the rogue ninja launched herself at Deathstroke.

The mercenary saw it coming a second before it happened. He turned in time to roundhouse kick the ninja who took the blow but snapped back up quickly and launched a hand full of daggers before running in to strike at Deathstroke and kick his sword far away from him. Absurdly fast blows were exchanged and then a particularly hard punch and sweep to the ninja’s legs allowed Deathstroke to pin her to the ground by the throat with his booted foot, his single eye narrowing but avoiding the masked woman’s eyes.

“You’re years too early to sneak up on me, son.” Deathstroke kicked the ninja right in the face, the woman’s head smacked onto the floor and she slumped unconscious, the mercenary then redirected his attention back to Nightwing who was already mid-jump putting as much momentum into a strike of his eskrima sticks as possible.

Deathstroke tried to deflect the hit with his forearms but there was a sickening crunch when the blow landed on his helmet, cracking it violently. Nightwing reared up for another strike but the mercenary did deflect this time, pushing him back.

They were so focused on one another that they missed the clacking sound of cans being tossed, missed the smoke rapidly surrounding them, assuming it was just a product of the growing fire, missed the obvious until Dick began to choke on the grey fumes and their strange sickeningly smell and felt his head swimming and his legs giving out.

On his knees and clawing for consciousness, Nightwing watched all his friends fall, with only Raven still resisting as he watched Deathstroke retrieve his sword and gun and walk towards the frightened civilians. The black shield flickered and disappeared as the empath collapsed too and the last thing Dick was aware of before he blacked out was the sound of gunshots.

*

Waking up from unconsciousness wasn’t always easy, Dick knew this, he’d gone through it enough times to know how disorienting it could be. This time, he woke up before his body got the memo.

The floor was hard and cold, there was noise somewhat like a soft rush and an occasional metallic creak which was quiet compared to the chaos of battle and destruction he expected, beyond the smoke and Kevlar smell of his suit his surroundings smelled like metal and salt, and the room was swaying every so slightly. Dick took all this in, memories of everything that happened rushing into his brain, but his eyes wouldn’t open, his body too heavy to really move just yet.

Dick focused on his breathing, willing his body to wake. It was sluggish work but eventually he felt the mask still on his face, the Nightwing suit clinging to his body, and the ropes straining around his feet and tying his hands behind his back as he finally struggled into wakefulness and opened his eyes.

It was a small room, it was pretty empty with the exception of some crates and Dick himself and the only entry point seemed to be a door in the wall furthest from him with a round dog wheel on it. A ship, he assumed, from his surroundings and the seawater smell around him.

The door whirred and opened. Nightwing maneuvered up to his knees as fast as his sluggish body allowed, testing the bonds on his limbs as he went, they weren’t simple ties but a complex array of knots that would take a while to break out of even with his skills.

The last person he wanted to see walked in- Deathstroke had forgone his helmet this time and whatever dampers he wore had long since faded or been washed off because he was filling the small space with a scent Dick knew well and wished he didn’t, aftershave over a straight-forward smell that to him was just reminiscent of blood and steel and, weirdly enough, apricots (the reason Dick had _hated_ apricots since he was fourteen).

“Glad to see you awake.” Deathstroke dismissed the men that tried to follow and the door closed behind him.

“What did you do to the rest of my team?” Nightwing demanded angrily, voice scratchy from disuse and smoke inhalation.

“Straight to point then.” The alpha surveyed him with a smirk. “We did nothing to them, they weren’t part of the contract so they were left behind.”

“I find it hard to believe you’d let your own kids go up in flames though.” The tower had been on fire when the Titans all went down and no other allies had showed up to help before he blacked out.

“They haven’t been mine in a long time, have they? Thanks to you.” Deathstroke commented bitterly, his gaze turning sharp and accusing towards the omega in front of him.

Nightwing glared right back but said nothing. He knew Slade, knew the man wasn’t beyond using and hurting his own children but when push came to shove he still had some twisted kind of love for Joey and Rose, he wouldn’t allow them to die if he could help it.

“What about the civilians?” Dick asked after a heavy silence.

“The targets? Mission accomplished.” Deathstroke shrugged a shoulder, unconcerned.

“They were innocents, there were children among them!” Dick’s stomach rolled, he couldn’t stand the idea that even someone like Deathstroke would be so cruel. He squared his shoulders, angry and ready to pounce even though he was still restrained on his knees.

“They were illegal aliens, _literally_.” The man countered, clearly already weary of route the conversation was taking.

“Refugees!” Nightwing corrected, swallowing back the bile in his throat, and growling angrily.

“You should be more worried about yourself.” Deathstroke stepped closer, fisting a hand in Dick’s hair and pulling his head back, forcing him to display his throat.

His first instinct was to go quiet and struggle to get away but simply swallowed down his anxiety and kept growling, refusing to submit. “…What do you want from me, Slade?”

“Maybe I missed you, little bird.” The alpha didn’t let go, instead he leaned close almost cooing.

“We both know I’ve long since outgrown your _preferences_.” Nightwing spat at him, finally shoving himself out of the man’s grip.

“Perhaps, but nostalgia can be a delightful aphrodisiac.” Deathstroke snickered, letting the omega go and when the younger man growled louder and tried to scurry back and away from him, he added lightly- “Relax, I’m kidding. My employer decided to pay extra if I brought you along alive.”

“Why?” Nightwing scowled, who in the hell would pay for him alone and not the rest of the Titans?

“I didn’t ask.”

“So what are you here for? To gloat?”

“Hardly.” Deathstroke crouched down, grabbing Dick’s chin this time and pulling him close; his free hand reached for Nightwing’s mask, fingers gliding along the edges until he managed to pull it off, ignoring the electric jolt that should have numbed a normal person’s whole hand.

Nightwing tried to struggle out of the grasp, tried to keep his mask on, tried and failed. Soon the mask was in Slade’s hand, then on the floor and crushed under the man’s boot.

“Can’t have trackers around.” Slade explained before his grip on Dick’s jaw tightened, he leaned in and seemed to be examining Dick’s eyes with his single steely one. “You’ve been out for much longer than you should, needed to check for damage.”

Deathstroke finally let go of him, did it so roughly that Dick fell sideways.

“Worried about me? I’m touched.” He snarled as the man stood and headed back to the door.

“Get some rest, little bird. It’s going to be a long trip.” Slade pulled the door open and exited, as he closed it he added- “Oh, feel free to escape if you want but there’s nowhere to go.”

Dick had no doubt Deathstroke was telling the truth but that didn’t mean he was just going to sit back and take it. In a move that would have dislocated a normal person’s shoulders he slipped his tied hands under his on legs until they were in front of him, a bit of maneuvering and teeth later and his hands were free, then his feet too.

He stood up and stretched out his limbs, rubbing the rope burns in his wrists. The room was still swaying lightly, rocking with the tide, and it innerved him but if it meant it would take him to who was behind everything he’d take it, he’d fight his way out of this like he did everything else.

*

There was no way of knowing where exactly they docked, Dick didn’t know how long he’d been passed out and the room he was kept in was so isolated that the concept of time, of day and night, became sketchy but he was sure they were no longer anywhere near the United States.

When he was pushed out of the ship the air was cold and frigid with early dawn but as he travelled locked in the back of a truck the temperature grew warmer and warmer, much too hot for late winter. The truck eventually stopped and he was let out, there was sand everywhere with dunes and rocky outcrops in the distance, the sun blindingly bright on a clear sky, it made the armed ninjas in their dark clothes look very out of place but they surrounded him nonetheless, herded him towards a massive walled compound.

Dick was starting to get a sneaking suspicion about where he was but he hoped beyond hope that he was wrong.

Once inside the wall he watched Deathstroke pass right by him, he had his cracked helmet back on and greeted a woman in a green dress in an overly friendly manner, not at all like a boss and employee. They exchanged words but were just far enough that Dick couldn’t hear them.

The beautiful lady glanced in his direction, she had lustrous brown hair framing her flawless face, warm olive skin glowing in the sunlight and hazel eyes studying him with keen interest, all soft features that hid a sharpness and ruthlessness that Dick didn’t ever want to be on the receiving end of.

Talia Al Ghul.

 _Damn it._ Dick had never hated being right more than he did now.

Talia gave an order in Arabic and the guards around Dick snapped at attention immediately, shoving him ahead and leading him away. He resisted the urge to fight back and allowed them to take him into the massive structure and towards a hall with beautiful curtained windows, mosaic floors, lavish seats and a long table where tea and fancy-looking snacks were served.

Dick settled in one of the plush chairs to wait but ignored the food and the tea, he couldn’t trust the League enough to ingest anything they offered but mostly he just avoided the offerings because of a nauseous knot twisting in his gut, he had been feeling it since he woke up on the ship and blamed it on whatever gas they poisoned him with, but it was getting worse the more they made him wait.

He knew sooner or later Talia would show up (or Ra’s but he doubt Ra’s was the one interested in him, not unless the man wanted to use him as bait again) and reveal what the hell she wanted him for; of course he’d deny her out of principle and there would be threats and an ultimatum and eventually he’d have to escape or die trying. You know, the usual.

Talia came a while later, she clearly wasn’t in any rush to deal with him. She showed up with her hands folded at the small of her back and a smile on her lips, she was escorted by single unmasked guard, a bald imposing man that didn’t say a word.

“Hello, Richard.” Talia’s smile looked so sweet… He knew better than to trust it.

“About time you showed up.” Dick started to stand but Talia waved him back down.

“I apologize that I did not to greet you earlier. Wilson demanded my attention, I am sure you understand.” She spoke dismissively but politely, exactly how he remembered her to be towards him.

“It guess it’s my fault for expecting better hospitality from any Al Ghul.”

“You wound me, Richard. I thought we were friends.” Talia raised her hand to her chest in mock offense.

“As friendly as a spider to a fly.” Dick rolled his eyes and glared. “Why did you recruit Deathstroke, Talia? Why go after all those innocents?”

“This world and its resources are already stretched thin, they came from a world that was stripped down to its core. Mother earth cannot take yet another abusive species leeching off her, the League was merely ensuring balance was not tipped further.” Talia spoke as if the speech was practiced, repeated from another source, but she seemed convinced of what she was saying nonetheless.

“That can’t be all there is to it.”

“Believe what you wish, Richard.” She didn’t quite shrug but by the way she tilted her head as she spoke she might as well have.

“What do you want from me, Talia?” Dick was still glaring and watched the woman pull up a chair in front of him.

“I need your assistance, Richard. I hear…” Talia trailed off before she could sit, a few steps from Dick, her eyes widening ever so slightly as she stared at him.

“What?” He prompted, wondering what stopped her.

Talia took another couple of steps closer and inhaled deeply. “Why, Richard, aren’t you full of surprises.”

Dick was puzzled, and then he was startled.

Talia struck like a cobra, shoving him off the chair and down to one knee, roughly pulling his head back by the hair. First Slade and now Talia, he was really getting tired of alphas doing that.

“Hey! What the hell?!” Dick growled even as Talia leaned in and sniffed at his exposed throat. He could smell her too, still the same as he remembered- all alpha but deceptively complex and pleasant like an oasis, lilacs under the blazing sun and water blooming in the middle of a desert with a touch of something slightly sweet and arid that he never could identify.

“Hmm...” She fisted her hand tighter in his hair and pulled one way and the other, forcing his head to snap left and right while she examined his neck and pulled at the edges of his suit with her other hand.

“Do you mind?” Dick finally recovered from the surprise and shook himself out of her grip, standing back up. “Rude.”

“Seducing my beloved? How dare you, Richard?” Talia looked calm but dangerous like a coiled snake, eyes narrowed and a hand going to her scimitar.

That gave him pause. How did Talia know? Dick hadn’t been with Bruce in days, he shouldn’t smell like the alpha at all anymore and yet it seemed his scent had triggered her anger… But why? She knew they were pack, how could she possibly know they were anything more than that? Most importantly, did he even care that she knew?

The sudden shift in the atmosphere had his muscles tensing. Talia was staring, waiting for his defense. He had none.

“You don’t own Bruce.” Dick spoke at last, head held high. “Nobody does.”

“He is promised to me and you would do well to remember that, omega.” Talia’s voice was still deceptively cool but there was a hard edge to her tone, she sounded absolutely lethal. Dick didn’t care.

“Oh, it’s omega now? What happened to Richard?” He chuckled, delighted by her anger, it felt like the good old Robin days- taunting villains, making them talk, diverting their attention, making jokes until they lost focus.

“Richard is a promising young warrior, the thing before me now is nothing but a licentious temptress.” Talia spat at him, losing just a small ounce of her calm.

“Such big words just to call me slut.” Dick crossed his arms and cocked his hip, grinning cheekily. “What’s the matter, Talia? Afraid that Bruce might like me better?”

“Do not deceive yourself.” Her scimitar was drawn, sharp point pressed to Dick’s jugular. “That is far from the point.”

“Then why are so upset?” Dick swatted the sword away, tried to make it look casual and confident despite the cut he got on his hand when she refused to budge as he stepped closer to the woman.

Invading Talia’s space would probably have been more intimidating if they weren’t practically the same height, or if he had the same dark foreboding alpha aura as Bruce, but despite all that he still knew how to unnerve an opponent, knew how to push a person’s buttons with a confidence no alpha would expect.

“As if you do not know.” She hissed, standing up to him, their faces just a couple of inches apart and her sword still trained on him, her pheromones sharp and overwhelming with rage. To be honest, Dick had never seen the women lose her cool like this.

“Know what?” Dick hummed, staring her down. “What exactly is it you think I’ve done, Talia?”

“Oh.” Understanding seemed to dawn on Talia, rather than be aggressive she deflated into a smirk. “How amusing.”

“What?” Dick’s brow furrowed ever so slightly, the abrupt mood shift making him almost dizzy.

“You really do not know, do you, poor thing?” She sheathed her sword, stance relaxing minutely but no less deadly.

“Get to the point.” He openly frowned now, confused but unwilling to show it.

“ _I_ am the one supposed to have my beloved’s heir.” Talia stated with an air of entitlement that he did not appreciate one bit.

Dick’s confusion grew further. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what Talia seemed to be implying but he didn’t get why. She wanted to have Bruce’s babies- so what? Why would Dick care what she wanted? Why would she consider him a threat when the real problem should be Bruce’s feelings on the matter?

Then again, the emphasis in her sentence… Did she think _he_ was… No, jealousy was just messing with her head, she wasn’t thinking straight.

“…I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” Dick tried to shake off his frown but couldn’t, specially not when Talia began circling him like a bird of prey.

“I would recognize this scent anywhere…” She inhaled for emphasis, her fingertips trailing along his shoulder blades before she was in front of him again, her hand sliding down his collarbone, along the blue symbol on his chest and lower before it settled over his abs. “The Bat’s bloodline. So subtle even you do not notice it but it is there- growing.”

“You’re wrong.” Dick stepped back abruptly, nearly stumbled but laughed, disbelieving and mocking. “If you’re implying that I’m pregnant, you’re insane.”

“I am never wrong.” Talia wasn’t laughing, she looked at him with a dead seriousness that gave him chills.

“You are now!” He snapped, Dick firmly believed that she was fooling herself, that there was no way she was right but he wasn’t about to justify his thoughts to her, didn’t even want to humor her delusions further. “Can we just get back to the point? What do you want from me?”

“It is of no consequence, not anymore. This is far more important.” She waved at the guard and gave a short order he didn’t understand, the man reacted by grabbing Dick by the bicep and hauling him off. “I have to rethink my plans for you, Richard. Until then...”

“No. Talia, you’re wrong!” Dick argued, tried to shove the guard off him. He knew if Talia actually took this seriously he’d be trapped and who knows when he’d have another chance to negotiate or escape. That is if he wasn’t outright killed.

The alpha ignored him, didn’t even bother to watch him fight back.

Dick was still struggling, trying to argue but he was still reeling from the whole conversation and the guard had his own sword trained on him, the man guided him through corridors and stone staircases, going down, down and down until he was locked in a cell in a dusty dungeon carved in the rock foundations of the compound with rusty metal bars on one side keeping him from freedom.

Honestly, Dick always though this sort of ominous stone dungeons were a thing from movies, most villains he knew went with empty warehouses and storage rooms, cages, ropes, the occasional freezer or over-the-top deathtrap, not actual medieval dungeons; yet here he was, experiencing one such place firsthand. Then again, in a way it was surprising that Nightwing hadn’t found himself in this situation sooner.

The dungeon was empty, there was a small drainage hole in the ground in one corner and chains and shackles hanging from the walls but that was pretty much all there was to it, no air vents or windows and no more than a palm of space between each of the bars. The only modern thing in there seemed to be the lock keeping the heavy bolts of the cell closed, it was out of reach and seemed to need a set of codes to open.

Dick ended up pacing a trench across the length on the small space, trying to use up all the nervous energy under his skin, his mind was racing a mile a minute.

He had to find a way out, had to figure out a way to outsmart the League of Assassins… There was always the chance that the Titans, or even Bruce, might figure out who had him and might come looking but he couldn’t count on it, the League was too well-organized and he still didn’t know the extent of the damage dealt to his friends. No, Dick was on his own and he could get out of this, he had to.

But why was he there in the first place? Thoughts of escape were derailed by thoughts of his conversation with Talia- she thought he was _pregnant_? Why would she think that? Was his scent really that different or was she messing with his head? Maybe that was it, maybe Talia wanted to confuse him but to what end? What could she possibly gain from this?

What if… What if it was _true_?

No, Dick didn’t believe that… Did he?

Was it possible? Well, he _did_ sleep with Bruce and he was an omega so it could have been true but he had been on birth control for years and, surely, he would know, right? There would be signs… Were there signs?

Dick stopped pacing suddenly, just stood there in shock for a moment, reliving the past couple of weeks in his head and pinpointing small moments- his restless exhaustion, the nausea he had blamed on other things, his illogical and instinctive need to feel close to Bruce, the fact Talia hadn’t been the first to notice an overlap to his natural scent (that had been Bruce, and suddenly that tender moment was shining in his brain in a whole new light).

“She’s messing with your head.” He mumbled, trying to convince himself as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

«Say, for argument’s sake, that it’s true… How the hell did I not lose it yet?» Dick thought of the fights he’d been in, the beatings, the bruises, the knockout gas… Weren’t babies supposed to be fragile?

He placed both hands on his abdomen- it was as flat and well-defined as always, no change to signify anything was different.

«No… It can’t be true.» He reasoned but despite all the arguing with himself Dick wasn’t sure anymore, the doubt was just niggling at a corner of his brain.

It didn’t matter though, whether Dick believed it or not the truth would be obvious eventually and what he needed most was to ensure Talia didn’t believe she was right. He didn’t want to think what she might do to him in the long run if there really was a child, _Bruce’s_ child.

Talia aside though, if ( _IF_ ) it as true…What did he feel about the situation?

It might be a stereotypical dream from an omega but Dick had always had a very abstract desire for children, for a family, in a mythical ‘ _someday’_. He had considered a couple of times what his kids would look like if Kori or Babs were the other parent, but he never really put actual thought into the reality of pregnancy beyond how to prevent it from happening any time soon.

Still, if he was pregnant and the choice was up to him, would he keep the child?

A part of him thought there was no way he could raise a kid yet- he was too young, his life was too dangerous (the Blockbuster predicament was still very fresh in his memory), his relationship with Bruce had only just evolved into something romantic and was far from strong enough for a bombshell like this. And in his current predicament in a League of Assassins prison cell? Better if it never came to fruition. Bruce would probably agree, right? He was practical like that.

But there was another part of Dick- a side that thought of a little kid with his eyes and a much more unrestrained version of Bruce’s smile, a little Grayson that he could teach the trapeze to, a kid that Alfred could spoil and Jason could protect, a Wayne that Bruce could take pride in… He thought of this hypothetical child and the idea made his heart expand in his chest to fill every nook and cranny between his ribs until he was so full of affection and sunshine that he thought he would crack in half. Not a practical side of him at all but one Dick couldn’t help but indulge.

“Damn it.” Dick sighed and scrubbed at his face tiredly, ignoring the scratch of stubble. “Don’t start getting weird ideas, Grayson.”

He was overthinking this, the only thing he needed to think about was how to escape and fast. Maybe after he was back in Gotham he could start imagining plans for a distant future but not now, a dungeon was not the appropriate place for these thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments fuel my inspiration and make me write faster so please, do share all your thoughts.


	6. Can't Clip My Wings (Until You Do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is trying so hard to stay in denial, so full of complicated feelings, that he's not thinking straight and that means making unusually dumb decisions.  
> Talia knows exactly what she's doing and she's only getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The evil tags start to kick in little by little.

Even with the little tools hidden in his suit that hadn’t been found and removed back on the ship (all his bugs, trackers and electronics had disappeared before he even woke up but not his lock picks), Dick failed at picking the lock or finding any other way out of his cell so he was in that damn thing for seven whole days before anyone showed up.

Ok, sure, someone would pop up twice a day with food and water but there was no interaction and it was all so mind-numbingly _boring_.

Enclosure he could handle, silence he could take, but boredom? It was maddening and he would have killed for somebody to talk to, even Talia (hell, even _Ra’s_ and his monologues) would be better than nothing.

The worse part was that by day four the nausea had escalated and he was puking his guts out every afternoon (well, he _thought_ it was the afternoon given the guard schedule, in that dungeon there was no sun to go by). At first he blamed it on the food, thought maybe they were poisoning him or trying to mess with his head and so he stopped eating.

By day six he was blaming it on his suit instead because nobody had allowed him to bathe or change clothes and Kevlar (even a flexible insulated Nomex and Kevlar triple weave like the one in his suit) tended to get terribly funky after a few days of sweat and he’d been in that thing for god knows how long already.

Truthfully, he just wanted an excuse to ignore the elephant in the room… Actually, he would have preferred a literal elephant, Zitka and Elinor had never been this hard to handle.

It was day seven and he was hunched in the corner by the drain, having nothing to throw up but still heaving and coughing up bile that burned up his throat like acid and soured his tongue, his body feeling bruised from the inside as his gut spasmed viciously and his eyes watered, it all made him feel absolutely miserable.

Footsteps nearby snapped him back to reality, it wasn’t a single guard but multiple people. Dick stood up on wobbly legs like a newborn colt, wiped his eyes and tried to look dignified while he waited to demand Talia’s attention.

Turns out he didn’t have to demand anything.

Talia’s brickhouse of a guard showed up with two women in abayas, all of them were betas by what he could tell, they didn’t bother to hide their scents. They dragged Dick out of the cell (well, not quite _dragged_ , he didn’t have enough energy to put up a fight) and shoved him up the stairs and through the building until he saw sunlight again through the window and flinched, eyes burning as he adjusted to the light.

It might seem that he was being too obedient, but Dick was making sure to take in everything around him, mentally mapping out his surroundings for when the chance to escape arose.

Eventually they reached a room that smelled somewhat like incense and linen and soap, Dick might have been startled when the huge guard started pulling the Nightwing suit right off him if not for the sight of a large clawfoot tub filled with water right in front of them and the look of complete disinterest on the man’s face.

“Woah there, big boy. Buy a guy a drink first.” Dick chuckled, so glad to be around literally anyone again. It didn’t seem like they planned to drown him so he was playing along.

The guard glanced at him and grunted, took the garment and left unceremoniously; as for the women they pushed Dick into the water, scrubbing him down with plain coarse white soap like an unruly puppy. He tried to push them away and do it himself but the women wouldn’t have it- that’s how Dick ended up sputtering water, covered in soap suds with his hair in his eyes and plastered to his skin.

Well, at least they didn’t try to shave his face, though his stubble was a lot shorter and thinner than he expected after so long without a razor… He only noticed that factoid when they were scrubbing the bar of soap over his face.

He should have protested or at least felt awkward about the nudity but honestly Dick didn’t care, his modesty was reserved for people whose opinion he actually cared about and he was just relieved to be out of isolation; besides, even if he had the energy to argue he was so glad for something to break the monotony (and to have the stinky suit off) that he just went with it.

When he was clean enough for their standards, the two women allowed him to dry himself off and after he dressed in clothes provided for him whose name eluded him (some sort of maroon slacks and a long loose white tunic) they seemed determined to examine every inch of him, shouting in a way that made it clear they were trying to scold him but he didn’t understand a word.

Thanks to the education Bruce insisted on, Dick knew several languages and yet somehow he ended up in the one situation where none of them helped, now he kind of wished he had learned Arabic instead of Polish a few years back (what were the odds he was ever going to use Polish anyway?).

“Ladies, ladies! There’s enough of me to go around.” Dick grinned tiredly, couldn’t help himself, he tried to pry away for the women’s prodding hands as they kept snapping angrily at him. “You can yell all you want but I don’t understand a word you’re saying.”

“They are scolding you for not eating.” Talia’s voice floated to him a moment before her scent did, and Dick turned to find the woman standing at the door with her hands on her hips. “As rebellion goes that was not a smart move… But I assume paranoia is a learned behavior in Batman’s pack.”

“And why would they care?” Or know for that matter but Dick didn’t bother ask that part. His playful mood dissolved at once.

“Imani and Fatima are midwives, I have assigned them to watch over you.” The alpha walked up to him and examined him from head to toe, she seemed satisfied by what she saw and gave the maids a short nod.

“Ok… Let’s just unpack this for a sec.” Dick pushed himself out of the grip of one the women that was trying to shove him into a chair, instead he faced Talia. “Why the hell would a prisoner need… Them?” He waved vaguely at the two women.

“I thought that much would be obvious.” Talia cocked a brow with a slight smile, it would have looked charming if he didn’t know any better.

“Even if you still believe I’m pregnant, you seemed pretty angry about it before so I don’t get the sudden need for, you know...” Again, Dick waved at the women, now with comically exaggerated emphasis.

“You _are_ with child.” The alpha corrected bluntly.

“What if you’re wrong? What if I’m not?” He crossed his arms defiantly, which was hard to do when the subject at hand made him want to cringe.

“This again? Your denial is getting tedious, Richard.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I simply know.” Talia’s tone was curt, all pretense of pleasantness rapidly fading.

“For the sake of this discussion, let’s say you’re right. What is that to you? I thought you didn’t want me having a kid?”

“I do not care if _you_ spawn a child, what I care about is that this one is my beloved’s.” Talia glanced down Dick’s torso and then back up at his eyes. “But I have reevaluated the situation.”

“Reevaluated how?” His eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“You will be having this child… For me.” The dramatic pause was just a tad too long, he would have thought it was a joke if he didn’t know Talia didn’t make jokes.

“ _Excuse me_?” Dick hissed, muscles tensing and voice thick with outrage at the mere idea of what she was suggesting.

“As far as my father is concerned you are here only as a surrogate so he will allow me to do as I desire. Behave and you will be well treated, rewarded even. Defy us and punishment will be swift.”

“…I’m sorry but _what the fuck_?!” His arms uncrossed, hands now balled into fists as he advanced on the alpha.

“Do not be crass, Richard.” Talia snapped, in her own husky version of an alpha command. It took Dick a few seconds to shake off his instinct to back down but he refused to give in.

“If you think for one minute that I’ll ever go along with that plan…” Dick argued, angry in a way he hadn’t felt since his last interaction with Slade and her attempt at commanding him only exacerbated that anger further.

“Do not mistake this for a choice. You have no say in the matter.” Talia shoved at his chest, baring her teeth in reaction to his insolence.

“And what will you do when Bruce finds out?” Dick was in her face, growling out the words, fully aware that his is scent was spiking in a way that would make most alphas wilt even if Talia showed no reaction beyond anger.

“Our child will be his heir, under my supervision and training it will be the best and he will be proud.” She countered without a shred of doubt. “You will be of no consequence to him when I am the one holding his child.”

“You think this will make him love you again?” Dick spat the words at her, not only angry but also disgusted and concerned by her delusions.

“He has never stopped.” Talia’s snapped right back viciously even though she seemed guarded, almost a little sad.

“Who’s in denial now?” Dick grit his teeth, refusing to back down. “You think he won’t notice I’m gone? He’ll come looking for me.”

“Oh, I assure you he will not.” The sudden pleased confidence in statement made him recoil automatically, paranoia buzzing in the back of his brain.

“…What did you do?” A whole new growl built in the back of Dick’s throat, a million scenarios racing through his mind, each worse than the last.

Talia took a steadying breath and composed herself, she said something in Arabic to the maids and then reached out to pat Dick’s cheek. “Do eat, Richard. No need to torture yourself.”

“Or what?” He tore himself brusquely away from her touch, as if she would burn him on contact.

“Or we will do it for you.”

With that threat Talia sashayed out of the room, Dick was tempted to lunge at her but he knew it would be futile, he’d never be able to escape that way so he seethed in his frustration, allowing the maids to sit him down like an admonished child.

He angrily stabbed at the mush they fed him with a spoon, his pride told him to push the food away but his stomach was chewing at itself with hunger despite the anger still bubbling in it and he figured he’d been humiliated enough as is so what’s one more little thing? Besides, Talia had spelled out what she wanted, she wouldn’t risk poisoning him after all.

He shoved the spoon into his mouth, the food was cold but he didn’t care, he was too busy taking in what Talia had told him.

Dick had to escape, he just had to. It didn’t matter if he really was pregnant or not, he couldn’t let Talia get away with this and the longer he stuck around…

It hit him then that he was afraid of what would happen in the long run but not because he feared the League of Assassins or any threat on his well-being, it was a different sort of fear, the fear of accepting a change he wasn’t ready for and if he tried to put into words why it scared him so much he might not have the composure to do what needed to be done to escape.

No, all his focus had to go into figuring out how to get out as fast as possible.

*

The room they had him was not too shabby- colorful rugs, carved sand-colored walls, a simple low bed with clean sheets, a table with a couple of old chairs carved in dark wood, his own spartan bathroom with the barest essentials and large intricately decorated convex bay widows. It would have been nearly pleasant if the heavy door wasn’t sealed with biometric bolts and the widows weren’t behind thick metal bars.

It took over two weeks, eighteen days to be exact, but Dick finally decided it was time to make an escape.

It’s not that he had found a specific way out, they kept him isolated enough that he couldn’t even figure out any guard patterns or specific exits; what little he knew was what he had mapped out upon arrival and when they moved him and it was hardly enough but he couldn’t wait any longer.

Not only could Dick not stand the captivity anymore (he missed his pack, his friends, even missed his little apartment in Bludhaven, but most of all he missed Bruce like a goddamned missing limb) but something was happening to him and it had triggered a kind of anxiety that he couldn’t handle any longer.

Dick still got sick every day; to be fair it never really went away completely, just happened to spike like clockwork late in the afternoon and whomever had called it ‘morning sickness’ was a moron in Dick’s opinion but he really didn’t like to think too deeply about it, still didn’t want to come to terms with what was going on inside his body. It was almost unbearable and made him want to scream every day, made him miss Alfred’s chamomile tea and the deep bass of Bruce’s voice, he even missed Jason’s badly hidden cigarette smell.

It was awful but it wasn’t the nausea that had broken down Dick’s patience and resolve- in the last few days he’d started noticing changes, the definition of his abs had all but disappeared and although his stomach was still flat as always it felt different, soft and squishy (Dick hadn’t been squishy since before his robin days). It was such a small thing but it felt like his body slowly rebelling against him and it was driving him crazy, he wanted to talk about it with someone that wasn’t part of a genocidal organization, he wanted his _family_.

Despite his own inner turmoil, Dick had been on his best behavior in hopes of lowering everyone else’s guard- he stayed confined to the new room and even tried to communicate with the meddling maids that controlled everything, from his food intake to how much he could exercise away the boredom (they even took turns watching him sleep), and he made an effort to outright ignore Talia.

All the while he was looking for a way out and, although he hated to admit it even to himself, he kept hoping someone would come for him. He might have even tried calling out for Superman, hoping that Bruce might have asked Clark to keep an ear out for him.

But nobody came and Dick wasn’t going to wait any longer.

Despite working for Talia and keeping him under proverbial lock and key, the maids had never been truly unkind- Imani would even rub his back when he got too sick to lift his head out of the toilet and Fatima tried to teach him words in Arabic.

All in all, Dick hated having to knock Fatima out that night but it was almost dawn and he couldn’t wait for the woman to slip up any longer. Luckily, he caught her off guard so she never really saw it coming and would probably wake up with no more than a nasty headache.

Dick had learned the hard way that the biometric lock didn’t open from the inside, so Fatima’s fingerprints wouldn’t help, the other option was waiting for Imani to unlock the door from the outside when her shift came but he also knew that meant waiting for daylight and that there would be more guards showing up with the woman. So, he took different way out.

The widow was three stories up and barred but Dick was pretty confident he was flexible enough to fit between the bars, well, at least for the time being, if he waited any longer… No, he wasn’t going to go there, the possibility of his body changing that much and impairing any attempted escape did not influence his decision because it was not a possibility he wanted to consider… Ok, maybe he considered it a little… A lot… Ok, it was totally why he couldn’t wait and plan out a better escape, he had to be practical about it but that didn’t he had to accept it.

Dick _almost_ got stuck and had to squeeze between two bars so tightly that he was pretty sure it might be a new world record of contortionism, nonetheless he did it. The bigger challenge was climbing down three stories without a zipline or the edges and grooves of the tall gothic buildings he was used to but he also managed that with a makeshift rope made of ripped bedsheets (and if he ran out of rope, slipped and skidded down the last fifteen or so feet that was still a win even with scrapped hands and bruised knees).

Obviously, the headquarters were well guarded but nowhere near as hard to move around as Dick had suspected. However, he was still forced to ambush two passing guards before they could sound the alarm and stole the clothes off one of them, after that it was slightly easier looking for a way out.

He hated that number of unconscious people he was leaving behind was growing though, who knows when any of them would awake and reveal him.

The best transport he could find that wouldn’t be conspicuous was a supply truck he snuck into, incapacitating the driver and tying the guy up in the back as soon as they slipped out of the gates. He knew he would be missed quickly so he made sure to get away as fast as possible while still in disguise.

There were no maps or GPS in the vehicle but Dick was vaguely aware that when they first brought him from the ship the truck had driven for about three hours due southeast and since he didn’t know where he was and wouldn’t risk getting too lost he chose to reverse that same route and hope he’d make it to the shore and find some sort of human settlement. He drove off road though, wouldn’t risk staying on the beaten path that could easily be tracked.

He managed to drive away and through the desert for a whole hour and a half before they were on him and as much as Dick tried to lose the tail, it was hard to lose a helicopter in the nothingness.

Why the hell did it have to a helicopter? He was just one man, for crying out loud, why would they waste all those resources on him?

The truck was shot up and Dick had to ditch it and hide in the dunes, he would rather be alone on foot in the desert than a prisoner again.

He grabbed what weapons he could from the truck, waited for the chopper to circle back around and made a run for it, trying to find a proper hiding spot where he could wait out his pursuers; he was surrounded by a rocky landscape where he was sure he could find caves but he never made it to any.

The assassins caught him- a group zipped down from the chopper with their weapons in hand, they surrounded him even has he hid invisible among the rocks.

Dick fought back, managed to take down a couple of assailants but a whole truck worth of reinforcements showed up not long after and he was heavily outnumbered. He had grenades, the truck had been moving a whole crate of them among other things, and he considered using them, considered taking out the whole helicopter and stealing the other truck but… That would mean possibly killing some of these assassins. Disabling the truck and trying to run would mean getting tracked by the chopper, disabling both vehicles would also mean killing and being lost on foot even if he could defeat all these attackers (and he didn’t think he could).

Dick knew he had lost already.

Nonetheless, he tried using the grenades to threaten to blow himself up along with them instead, tried to bluff his way out but the assailants didn’t have much sense of self-preservation (after all, they had literally dug their own graves and given up their lives the moment the swore loyalty to the League) and they definitely had no mercy.

Several explosions (distractions), acrobatics and a lot of running later, Dick found himself in shackles and being taken back to the compound.

The only positive was that from the helicopter Dick managed to see some of the landscape before they bagged his head, the downside was that even from the air there was nothing to see but desert for miles and miles on end. It all just confirmed how stuck he really was, narrowed his hopes down to almost nothing.

By the time they got back to the headquarters the sun was burning down on all of them, it made Dick wonder briefly what day it was but all he knew at this point was it was spring back home… What season would be when he finally got away? Would he ever get away?

Dick got shoved out of the chopper and pushed to walk blindly, when the hood over his head finally came off he was standing in front of Talia in a training yard, she had her hands clasped behind her back and was glaring at him with barely restrained anger.

“How far did you think you could get?” Talia’s hazel eyes were golden in the sunlight and Dick stared right into them while refusing to answer; she retaliated against his silence by smacking him hard enough to split his lip, the assassins that flanked Dick pushed him to the ground, forcing him to kneel so their mistress could tower over him dominantly. “Did you really believe we were not tracking you?”

That part was new to him, Dick didn’t remember anyone putting a tracker on him but he should have known and cursed himself for not thinking of it.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t try to escape?” He spat some blood and goaded from the floor, he refused to submit and really hated that alphas just kept pushing him down like that in their little displays of power. “Come on, Talia. You know me better than that.”

“Are you satisfied now?” The alpha gestured at the assassins that had brought him back and they grabbed him by his arms immediately. “I warned you, Richard.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dick called out as they dragged him to a large post.

“I told you disobedience would be swiftly punished.” Talia moved to higher ground, climbing to a balcony overseeing the whole courtyard.

Dick could have picked the lock to his shackles at any point but it seemed pointless to antagonize his captors when they would just rough him up and restrain him again as there was nowhere to go even if he did escape; now they used those same shackles to restrain his hands above his head, face pressed brusquely against the tall pole and the stolen uniform he still wore pulled down to bare his upper body.

He knew what was coming before he even heard the crack of leather in the air, they didn’t call them whipping posts for nothing.

“Wait!” He looked at Talia, suddenly frightened though not of the pain, he was never scared of pain. “I thought…” He tried to find the words but he’d been working so hard on his own denial that he was having trouble voicing his concern.

“What, Richard? Did you think I would not punish you because you are with child?” She looked down on him with disdain laced into her words.

“Well, you’re the one who wants it!” Dick countered, he immediately regretted saying it but, strategically, wasn’t it best to remind Talia of why she needed him?

“Yes and if punishing you harms it, then you will be the one suffering the consequences.” She gave an order he couldn’t understand with a short nod to someone out of his line of sight.

The sound of the whip cracking was almost as jarring as the actual feeling, _almost_. The first lash felt like pure living, burning, agony licking from his right shoulder to his left side.

Dick refused to scream and grit his teeth hard enough that he feared they might crack, muscles tensing against the onslaught of pain, he wasn’t going to give Talia the satisfaction of seeing him break.

The second lash crossed the first, tugging at the skin like a hook. With the third he could feel the skin split apart, blood oozing down his spine like liquid fire. The fourth and fifth strikes had him hissing through his teeth, body so tense and hands fisted so tight that the shackles cut into his wrists but it didn’t matter because by the sixth lash he couldn’t feel anything but the pain sizzling through his nerve endings.

A crowd seemed to have gathered to watch in silence, more anonymous witnesses to his humiliation. Dick had to press his forehead to the post to hide his grimace and the agony reflected in his face, had to bite his split lip to keep from screaming.

His back felt like it was being flayed into minced meat and he could feel the strikes tearing the flesh right off the bone, he wasn’t sure he’d ever been in that much pain before.

Dick forced himself to focus on something else, tried to find some kind of meditation that would make everything bearable but the only thing that came to mind was Bruce- stoic Bruce would have taken this without a flinch, he needed to live up to that, needed to make Bruce proud, be as strong as Bruce always wanted him to be, needed to get back to Bruce…

Dick found renewed strength in that, he had gotten himself into this mess and he could take it, he could Bruce proud.

Maybe he was thinking like a child again, maybe he was feeling like the little Robin that was so obsessed with proving his worth, but if that got him through the torture then there was no shame in it.

The whipping stopped abruptly and Dick felt himself sag against the post, the entirety of his body weight hanging on his wrists were the shackles bit into his flesh, there was a buzzing in his ears like angry bees and he felt like he’d been mauled to shreds by a pack of feral wolves.

But he did not make a sound… Until they pulled him off the pole. When his arms were let down the motion on his shoulders pulled at his torn flesh and Dick’s hissed breath turned into a sudden cry of surprised pain. It was a discomfort beyond even tears, he could think through the waves of sensation burning from his back and the moment he was forced to stand up unsupported the world began to spin, it was too much agony and he could feel himself physically shutting down.

The only thing that spared him the humiliation of passing out was that a large hulking assassin hauled him up over a shoulder and carried him away. Despite the pain in that moment Dick saw the opening in the man carrying him, saw the weapons he could have reached for so easily…

A realization suddenly hit him- the only reason Dick was still in the League’s hands was because he refused to kill, it wouldn’t have been hard to get away if he had absolutely no qualms about deadly force, the assassins were well-trained and he was outnumbered but he knew, was viscerally aware, of all the chances he’d let slip so nobody would die, even now he could still catch all the minute openings and see all the harmless things he could turn lethal if he had really wanted.

Yes, Dick would rather be alone and lost in the desert than be a prisoner but he would also rather be a prisoner than kill for his freedom, he wouldn’t lower himself to that level, wouldn’t give up his convictions and he knew Talia knew that, he knew she would keep taking advantage of his code. If only he could take advantage of her back.

*

Dick didn’t remember passing out after the whipping but he awoke sometime later with a shout of pain- the skin of his back felt like it was being ripped off and something felt like acid jabbing on his abused back.

Imani and Fatima were around him as he lay on his stomach on a bed, they were unwrapping bloody bandages that hadn’t been there before and cleaning his wounds with what he was sure was pure alcohol, the cold sensation reminded him of a million tiny needles rushing though his bloodstream and he couldn’t stop himself from whimpering and clawing at naked mattress.

He knew the injuries probably weren’t as terrible as they felt but they _felt_ like the flesh of his back had been ripped from his spine, minced and then stitched back together with barbed wire and Dick was pretty sure he was starting to run a fever (Jesus, how long had been out?) so Dick couldn’t really control his thrashing.

The maids pinned him down and admonished him but their attitude was different from before, they seemed as angry as was expected after his disobedience but they also acted distant and cowed. Later Dick would wonder how they had been punished for failing in their watch duty, later he might even feel bad for them, right at that moment he couldn’t think about anything except _‘please make it stop’_.

The door opened and Dick didn’t even notice, couldn’t hear anything beyond the static in his ears and squelching of bloody skin and sticky bandages, couldn’t smell anything through the curtain of bloody copper and his own distress, couldn’t see beyond his screwed lids.

A gentle hand caressed slowly through his hair, sharp nails scratching lightly over his scalp; a warm soothing scent, lilacs and dates sun-dried in the sand, slowly crept in through smell of blood to calm him enough that he went still and stopped struggling.

“Oh, Richard…” Talia’s voice was soft and low, husky with all her alpha command. “Are you satisfied now? I never wanted to hurt you.”

Dick whimpered, he knew this was all wrong but the lucid part of his brain was currently very tiny and being smothered by hurt and exhaustion, on the other hand the animal part of his brain was howling and leaning into any scrap of offered comfort, any promise of relief.

A whole new person (all Dick could tell was that it was a male, likely another beta) was poking and prodding at his body with cold tools while Imani and Fatima held him down and exchanged words with the man. Dick couldn’t care less, didn’t even bother to open his eyes because what little attention he could muster was narrowed in on Talia’s husky voice and kind touch.

“This is your fault, Richard, you forced my hand.” Talia continued to pet him, her nails scrapping lightly at the back his neck. “You will behave from now on, will you not? You will not make me punish you further.”

Dick was reacting purely on instinct, body pliant and obedient as the maids finished changing his bandages and the man injected something into an IV he hadn’t even been aware he was hooked up to- his breathing slowly evened out as whatever medicine they used started kicking in and the pain simmered down to numb dull burn painted all over his back. He could feel the warmth of Talia’s breath against his cheek as she scented him and he knew deep down what she was doing, understood the manipulation, but he needed the contact and the comfort and couldn’t have his guard up every single second.

To think he had months on end to look forward to with all this mind-fuckery… Damn, he was so _screwed_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments inspire me and motivate me to write so, please, share your opinions!  
> I love reading all your comments.


	7. Dick Grayson Does Not Handle Boredom Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick hates his new trapped reality and Talia offers him a mysterious option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long, I got stuck on a point and then my younger cousin died in a very sudden and tragic way that hit me very deeply and I couldn't function for a while because of it. 
> 
> **Bold dialog** means a different language is being spoken.
> 
> Anyway, small notes at the end of chapter.

Dick dreamt of his last birthday. It was a good dream.

It had been that time not too long ago when Bruce spent all day with him.

Even though the alpha tried to take him to brunch and they ended up sidetracked talking about their cases, it had still been good- the food had been great, Dick had spent hours just talking and Bruce had actually contributed to the conversations when they started talking about work, they went for a walk by the pier at Dick’s request, then Alfred had made stuffed peppers for dinner specially for Dick along with cake (of which Jason ate way too much and made himself sick much to Dick’s amusement).

The cherry, however, had been that nobody went on patrol that night so Dick got to have fun watching Jason kick butt in a game of Monopoly (it was always hilarious to watch Bruce Wayne go bankrupt and sulk about it) before they all went to bed and Dick got to spend the whole night with Bruce.

He was halfway through dreaming of the way Bruce’s hands traced his scars and how his plush lips grazed the curve of Dick’s adam’s apple like a prayer when he woke up to the coarseness of a naked mattress against his skin and the roughness of his new reality. He refused to open his eyes right away, trying so hard to grasp at the dream like a madman clutching shadows between his fingers.

Funny how the little details of that day hadn’t seemed all that important before but now came to him vividly and with such impact that the sheer memory punched the air from his lungs, made his eyes water with nostalgia and grief.

It had been a simple but good day and Dick wished he could stay in that memory forever, he hated waking up from the dream to the pain and boredom of his incarceration. God, he missed his pack so badly.

Dick sighed, opened his eyes reluctantly and stared at the large widow of his little prison- the bars had long since been covered in electrified wire, it ruined whatever pretense of landscape there was beyond the glass. Then again, who cared about the view? Dick had bigger problems.

Healing his injuries had become more stressful than Dick could handle. He had been injured many times before, even immobilized once or twice, but he had never had to deal with wounds that restricted him the way the lashes on his back did- he could only sleep a certain way which he often forgot and ended up regretting, he couldn’t work out to release his pent up energy, couldn’t even move freely because every time he tried to stretch his sore body he would end up pulling painfully at his injuries (it didn’t help that he still felt sick every day and that spasms from throwing up made everything worse).

All in all, for a handful of weeks he just couldn’t move without being in pain but Dick got used to it, learned to lock away the hurt and got used to meditating his way through it, even managed to calmly display gratitude when the maids checked his stitches and changed bandages. Yet the real torture had nothing to do with pain and dragged on even after the wounds healed.

Being unable to move was one thing, but once the injuries had all closed the boredom started to settle in again, he knew his body and knew that he could (needed) to move but his guardians in abayas would not let him and it was driving Dick insane. The most they let him do was some yoga and at first that felt good but there was only so many times he could get a laugh out of freaking out the maids with a handstand scorpion or an eight angle or even a yoga sleep pose before it started to get boring (or before they started smacking him in a panic and forcing him to stop so they could check him for new injuries).

If he thought that first week in the dungeon had been bad then he had underestimated how much worse it could get. At least in that first week there had been adrenaline and hope to keep him going, now everything had plateaued into hopelessness, boredom and anger, and the continued paranoia was exhausting.

The only real positives in the last seven weeks had been that Talia had only visited a couple of times during the first week after his attempted escape and then she had all but evaporated; for all Dick knew she might not even be in the compound and while that thought had been a relief at first, now he was hoping she was still around because she was the only familiar thing in this new world he was trapped in.

It was insane but Dick wanted to see Talia, she was the cause of all his misery but as he slowly came to terms with the fact that he was going to be stuck there a while he also came to understand she was the only one that could make life a little more bearable and he was so desperate to just be able to feel something other than monotony that he was willing to negotiate with her.

A small bout of sickness had Dick sitting up and groaning lightly, lately the nausea had slowly begun to abate but he felt stiff, his wounds had healed enough but despite his best attempts the muscles were still recovering. He glanced down just to make sure the last little part of his dream hadn’t brought on any embarrassing physical reactions that would be blatantly obvious now that he wasn’t allowed sheets or bedding of any sort after his little stunt, instead of an embarrassing boner he was met with something else that made him cringe.

In the past weeks Dick had finally accepted on a rational level that he was indeed pregnant and the soft small bump that had slowly appeared in his lower abdomen was proof of it, he didn’t think it was supposed to be so visible so soon and it innerved him but what did he know? He was no expert and Imani and Fatima didn’t seem surprised so he figured it was normal.

Nonetheless, even though Dick had come to terms with being pregnant that didn’t mean he knew how to feel about it.

Mostly, he didn’t think this kid was a good idea, Dick wanted children _eventually_ but not right then, he wasn’t ready and it had caught him off guard and he didn’t want to do this alone. He didn’t want to _say_ it but… he wasn’t sure he wanted this kid. Then again, it seemed his only alternative was to let Talia have it and there was no way in hell he was letting that woman have an innocent little child, specially not one of his.

It was a bit of a struggle between what Dick thought was the right thing to do and what he truly wanted, a struggle that became more and more stressful each day because he literally had nothing to distract him other than stewing in his own mind.

Dick was spiraling in his negative thoughts when a red dot splashed on the tanned skin of the bump he was glaring at. He blinked in confusion for a second and lifted a hand to his nose, the fingers came back red and Dick frowned because he had never been one for spontaneous nosebleeds.

A small rustling sound caught his attention and from the corner of his eye he spotted Fatima, she was reading a book but set it down once she saw he had sat. Dick ignored her and got up, scurrying to the bathroom to check the bleeding in the burnished mirror- there was blood streaming from his nose all the way down his chin and dripping on the terracotta floor tiles and his cheeks were weirdly flushed.

Fatima entered the bathroom before he could react, the woman pushed him out and onto a chair, she used a cloth to wipe the blood away and made him tilt his head back while she rubbed his shoulder with one hand and rambled about something, Dick understood the words ‘blood’ and ‘normal’.

Dick shrugged, he wasn’t really bothered, it didn’t hurt and he’d take literally anything to break the boredom, even if that meant bleeding. Plus, he was kind of glad that Fatima was being kind and no longer holding a grudge after he had knocked her out during his escape, she was still a little wary but never mean.

The beta went to rinse out the cloth, she returned with it damp and finished cleaning up Dick’s flushed face. To be honest, he was getting really tired of his body feeling so alien to him- he had been allowed to shave exactly once since his escape attempt and his stubble had all but disappeared since thanks the mess of his hormones so he looked more baby-faced than he had in years, his chest had become sore and too soft in the last couple of weeks, his stomach never really settled down anymore even with the bland flavorless but nutrient-rich rations they been punishing him with (damn it, even the food was boring), the bump felt like a tumor growing and promising to cripple him, and now he was flushed and bleeding for literally no reason other than his body changing.

Dick was already a prisoner in that room but he felt like he was becoming one in his own body too, felt his autonomy slowly being taken from him as he became little more than an incubator to accommodate someone other than himself. It wasn’t bad enough that his life and purpose had been stolen from him, but his body and sense of self were being rapidly devoured too.

It was a terrible thought and it made him feel sick at himself but Dick _resented_ the baby.

Fatima said something and he forced himself out of his brain to pay attention- she was talking about the doctor that popped up twice since the whipping, the last time having been two days prior to poke a needle into his gut for some sort of test, from what he could grasp said test seemed to have pleased Talia (Fatima called her something that Dick thought meant ‘mistress’ and mentioned her repeatedly).

After his attempted escape the two maids had been cold and somewhat fearful and Dick still had no idea how they had been punished for letting him slip away but they remained diligent and eventually began teaching him Arabic at Dick’s own request, he figured he was going to be stuck there for a while he might as well try to understand what was being said around him, not to mention it was a good way to get Imani and Fatima to relax their guard a little around him. So far Dick was grasping the language rather quickly but only verbally, he had yet to learn anything about the written word, he’d take what he could get though.

“I want to see Talia.” Dick stated and when the woman gave him a puzzled look he attempted to speak in very weak Arabic. **“Mistress Talia. Want see.”**

The beta stared at him for a moment and then, in a tentatively soft voice, replied something along the lines of **“I’ll ask”**.

Dick got his wish later that day. Talia didn’t show up in the room but she sent guards to get him and lead him to the same hall as when he first arrived what felt like years ago, everything looked exactly the same and the woman sat in a lovely embroidered plum dress, sipping tea as she awaited him.

When he walked in, Talia surveyed him for a moment, her pretty hazel gaze drifting down his form critically, making him hyper aware of the way the white tunic barely concealed the subtle curve of his belly, before her focus returned to his face with a soft but conniving smile.

“Hello, Richard. I am pleased to see you well.”

“Cut the crap, Talia.” Dick rolled his eyes tiredly and crossed his arms.

The alpha ignored his reply and waved at the seat before her waiting for Dick to sit before the conversation went any further. She offered him a cup of slightly fruity black tea and he accepted, it was the kind that reminded him of his parents and late nights in their trailer after evening shows, he wondered if Talia knew that or if the choice of beverage was random, either way it was comforting and he wanted to get into her good graces. Besides, even if it was just hot leaf juice it was probably the most exciting meal he’d had in weeks, damn it.

“I hear you have been tormenting the midwives.” Talia remarked, casual but intrigued.

“Who, me?” Dick feigned affront and chuckled; he took a sip, it was delicious. “I’m just an innocent human pretzel.”

The alpha hummed noncommittally. “So, why did you wish to see me?”

“Please let me go home?” He gave a sheepish sarcastic smile.

“Richard.” Talia didn’t indulge his little game, her face set as hard as beautifully sculpted marble.

“Worth a shot.” Dick shrugged and deflated a little, he took another sip of tea and glanced at the woman through his lashes. “I… I want to bargain.”

“Bargain?” The stony demeanor cracked just a little and Talia smiled, clearly amused. “Dear boy, what makes you think you are in any position to bargain?”

“Look, I’m willing to cooperate if you just… Just let me…” What? What was Dick supposed to ask for without sounding desperate? He would take literally any crumb that might make incarceration bearable or give him hope for another escape, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. “I just want some freedom to move around.”

“I see.” Talia set her empty teacup aside and leaned back in her seat, looking down on him like a queen on a throne. “Richard, do you think I enjoy treating you like a prisoner?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Dick shrugged and set his own half-empty cup on the table.

“If I enjoyed such a thing you would still be in a cell. I have been trying to be a good hostess.”

“Yeah, whipping me within an inch of my life was real hospitable.” Despite the acidic sarcasm, he could feel a growl building in the back of his throat suddenly and forced himself to swallow it.

“You brought that on yourself by betraying my trust.” Talia’s reply was sharp though perfectly composed.

“What trust? Just because a cage looks cozier than a dungeon doesn’t make it any less of cage!” Dick hadn’t intended to stand up but here he was looming over Talia and actively growling now, he was pretty sure his scent was spiking too but he didn’t care.

“Let me explain something, Richard.” She didn’t seem intimidated at all, not with her fingers tracing the gleaming sword at her hip. “The League does not accept guests. We accept prisoners and allies, and in case you have not noticed our kind does not generally take prisoners.”

“So my only options are victim or ally?” Dick’s voice levelled out but the growl was still there and he balled up his fists in anger.

“If it were up to my father you would have no options at all, but I convinced him that you are useful.” Talia finally stood up as well, she reached out and cupped Dick’s jaw, her thumb tracing his cheek gently, making him flinch. “I have tried to spare you, I could easily have forced you to pull your weight and contribute to our cause but I know you have inherited my beloved’s morals so I spared you by keeping you confined.”

Dick wanted to shove her away, want to shake some sense into her, but instead he simply glared and grit his teeth.

“What happens when I’m no longer useful?” What he really meant was what would happen after the kid was born and he was no longer Talia’s personal incubator.

“That will depend entirely on you.” Talia’s hand trailed gently down, her knuckles grazing his throat and making Dick swallow reflexively.

“Let me guess.” He shook himself out her grasp at last, even though he hated having to back down and step away himself. “Death or becoming one of Ra’s’s ghouls? I think I’d rather pass on both.” Because of course they couldn’t ever let him go free and risk him telling Bruce about this entire debacle.

“You might change your mind.” The alpha smiled a secretively smile, as if she knew something he didn’t.

“Look, just tell me what I need to do for your people to just let me breathe on my own.” Dick took a steadying breath, he knew anger wouldn’t solve anything, not with an Al Ghul.

“You will never leave that room, Richard. I simply cannot trust you.” Talia pat his cheek, this time rather condescendingly.

“Then tell me how to earn your trust.” It came out a little desperate.

It was bullshit, it was all pure bullshit. Talia was never going to trust him and all her talk about sparing him was nothing but a ploy to worm herself into his psyche, Dick knew all this because he wasn’t stupid but he also knew that if he didn’t play along nothing was going to change and he’d have to keep enduring the incarceration and ultimately end up dead.

“As a matter of fact, there is one way.”

Talia turned just enough to draw his attention to table and tapped a flat wooden box next to her, she picked it up and opened it, tilting it towards Dick to reveal a circular contraption on a bed of emerald green crushed velvet.

“A… A collar?” Dick frowned eying the thing. “I get, I’m slut, no need to rub it in.”

Collars were always a touchy subject for omegas as they could be a symbol of subjugation or an actual defense for unmated omegas, worst of all they could be a protective tool used by sex workers to ward off unwanted bites.

Dick wasn’t sure exactly what Talia was implying by presenting such a thing but upon closer examination he realized that it wasn’t just a regular collar, the black contraption looked stiff and thick with some sort of circuity on the inside and a strange mechanical lock the looked simultaneously high tech and ancient all at once.

“It’s more than that.” She ran her fingers along the inner edge of the collar. “Once locked in place any attempts to remove it by force will result in a small but incapacitating electric shock, a shock that will also occur if the collar leaves its designated perimeter or I chose to remotely trigger it.”

“So you want me to wear a shock collar? Really? Like the ones used to train animals?” Dick’s frown deepened into a glare and this time his scent really did spike, even he could smell the fury he was letting out. “How convenient that you just happen to have this lying around.”

“You can always refuse, though if you do you will never leave your cage.” She closed the box with a snap and pressed it into his hands.

“And if I accept? What is this perimeter?” Dick held the damn box, clinging so tightly that he almost heard the wood creak under his fingernails.

“Most of the compound for now but any changes will depend on how well you behave.” Talia sat back down and poured herself more tea.

“You’ll just let me walk around your HQ with no supervision?” Somehow Dick found that hard to believe.

“Some supervision. And you wouldn’t simply be walking around, I’d expect you to do your part.”

“What part is that?”

“For now?” She glanced at his belly skeptically and then back up. “For now you learn how things are done around here. You watch our soldiers train, just like the detective did.”

“Why?” Dick’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, he didn’t understand why Talia would allow him to see the inner workings of the League’s training and he didn’t know what she thought he could learn seeing as Bruce had already taught him more than he could ever hope to achieve with the assassins.

Talia smiled over the edge of her cup. “You have potential, Richard. I merely wish to see you harness it.”

He watched that smile and then hesitantly sat back down, leaning forward to stare right into her eyes, trying to decipher her nefarious intentions. All the little things he’d been puzzling together for the past several were quickly clicking together.

“…I know what you’re doing.” Dick tried not to growl again, tried to emulate Batman’s famous stoic glare instead but failed when he threw the box across the room in a fit of anger. “I’ve been brainwashed before, I know how it starts, I can see through you.”

Dick remembered Brother Blood, he still wasn’t sure what memories of that time are real and which are warped but he swore he’d never let himself be brainwashed again and placed under someone else’s thrall.

He can see the signs- how Talia created an atmosphere of danger and confusion to destabilize him and then torture him, found what wore him down psychologically just enough not to look suspicious and let him stew in it, made life unbearable and then presented herself as a kind hand that she hoped he’ll start to depend on, a kind hand that can easily stab him if he flinches, something to keep him on his toes and have him seeking more for a shred of relief. Then she gave him a choice for the illusion that he might have some control and the subsequent self-doubt when that fake power fails him is meant to fester and contaminate him until he’s dependent on her for guidance.

“Richard, if I wished to brainwash you I have much easier methods at my disposal.” Talia dismissed his words with a vague wave of her hand.

“Except you don’t, not really.” Dick snapped, he wanted Talia to know he would not be fooled. “You have no hostages to keep me in line, you can’t afford to use drugs if you want this kid to stay healthy, I doubt you have any magic users or telepaths around or else you would have used them already, you know physical pain will only go so far with the training I have and you have nothing I want badly enough that I’d give everything up for it.”

“You seem very certain of yourself.” So far into the conversation her scent hadn’t shifted at all to reveal even the slightest crack in her composure and it irked him almost as much as her smile.

“And you’re seem to be grasping at straws, hoping I’ll fall for your long game of emotional manipulation so you can keep using me until I become disposable.”

“I do not want to have to dispose of you, Richard.” Talia placed her hand over his, a look of sympathy crossing her face, but Dick knew better- this was a woman that pitied no one. “Regardless of how I feel about it, you are important to my beloved, I do not wish to incur his wrath by harming you, but I will if you force my hand. After all, what he does not know will not hurt him.”

“Except he always finds out.” Dick pulled away from her grasp and tried to sound more confident than he felt. After all, Bruce hadn’t found him yet.

“Be that as it may.” The alpha stood in one fluid move, she walked a few steps and picked up the box of the floor before returning and placing it calmly in his hands. “Take it. The decision is yours, Richard.”

“We both know I don’t really have a choice.” He reluctantly accepted the damn thing and stood, knowing full well the conversation was over.

“There is always a choice.” She ruffled him hair condescendingly and waved at the guards.

A moment later Dick was being shoved along the hallway on the way back to his so-called room, as much as he wanted to he didn’t put up a fight because it would be pointless, instead he clutched the stupid ornate box hard enough for his knuckles to turn white and told himself he’d pull the damn collar apart later and tell Talia to shove it.

He never did.

*

It took three more weeks for Dick to crack.

By then he had already examined the damn collar thoroughly and attempted to pull it apart only to discover he couldn’t, not without proper tools, and the damn thing zapped him when he tried anyway, his arm was numb and twitchy for half an hour after that.

His only form of entertainment still came from scaring Imani and Fatima with hyperflexible yoga poses that would have made Merkel, the contortionist from Haly’s that he knew as child, quite proud. Nonetheless, the two betas still watched over him- they cleaned his nosebleeds and rubbed his back when he felt sick, they made a fuss if he didn’t eat enough, Fatima liked hum soothingly at night until he slept, Imani combed his now thicker and longer hair and brought him fresh clothes.

They also kept teaching him Arabic, the more interest he showed the more they seemed to mellow out, he caught Fatima chuckling a few times when he purposely mispronounced words and Imani even brought him children’s books so he could start grasping the basics of the written language as much as the spoken part; Dick was pretty sure he wasn’t allowed to have books in the first place but she made a shushing gesture and even though he couldn’t see her lips behind her niqab he could see the smile in her rich brown eyes.

Dick knew he really shouldn’t but he was starting to like the two women, he didn’t trust them but he liked them. At least they were better than Talia, than the assassins and than the elusive Ra’s Al Ghul that he had yet to see.

And then, two weeks after his talk with Talia, they disappeared.

The first day, Dick ignored nausea and paced the whole room for hours wondering about the change, trying to figure out what Talia was trying to do, he told himself he didn’t care, that he was better off alone than with people he couldn’t trust and that he didn’t need to be babysat.

The second and third days had him graduating from pacing to bouncing with repressed energy and fiddling with the collar again, not willing to get shocked but wondering if the women would be back if he put it on, if that was Talia’s plan. He told himself it wouldn’t work, he wasn’t that desperate for company or human interaction, and he certainly wasn’t worried about the two maids at all.

On the fourth day, Dick tried to get any information from the guards that brought in his meals but nobody would look at him, much less talk.

Dick started to realize that he had underestimated what loneliness did to him, he thought those weeks of pain and isolation were the worst and that Talia was trying to wear him down with them, and now he saw that what really had happened was that he had been so focused on the imprisonment that he missed how attached he was becoming to his caretakers and only really noticed that when they were gone and the true solitude started to eat at him.

He began talking to himself, trying to rationalize that it was all a trick and the women were just bait and that they were fine, they hadn’t gotten in trouble for being kind to him, they were probably relieved to be free of the boring and grueling hours watching him… Hours he missed as the room seemed to grow smaller, the walls closing in on him the more he paced and silence becoming too deafening for his ears.

On the eighth day he was surprised by another change, another bomb that he wasn’t ready to deal with.

He was lying in bed, staring at the blank ceiling and flipping blindly though the pages of one of the books Imani brought just to have something to do with his hands, he was reciting Arabic words he’d learned just so he wouldn’t have to circle back to obsessing about being alone, and then he felt it.

It was so soft that at first he wasn’t sure it was real, Dick lay back very still after that and waited until it happened again- little butterfly wings flapping against his lower belly from the inside.

Dick sat up startled, the book fell to the floor with a thud that was much too loud in the quiet room and his hands flew to his stomach in alarm.

It _moved_ , the _kid_ moved, there was a real living miniature human being swimming around in his gut and there was nothing he could do about it, and, and, what the _hell_ was he supposed to do about it? Was this even normal? How the hell was he supposed to _feel_?

Suddenly everything became so real, too real, and he felt too many things to process though he was pretty sure the biggest thing he was feeling abject panic.

Without thinking about it any further Dick got up, scrambled for the wooden box and put the damn collar on himself. He couldn’t deal with this new development alone and he figured his stubbornness wasn’t worth the added distress, he told himself he never really had a choice in the first place anyway.

The stupid thing was just a little too tight and his panic spiked further as he heard it click and whir when it locked in place around his throat. He was already regretting his choice, what if Talia was lying and refused to keep her word? What nobody came and had to deal with the thing inside him all alone?

A day of distress (and screaming at the locked door in hopes of attention) later Imani and Fatima were back, both acting shaken and confused like they had been when he had woken up to them with his back torn to shreds; they calmed down rapidly and displayed visible relief when they saw that he was still in the room and unharmed. Under the anxiety Dick felt betrayed and suspicious but he was bewildered by their reaction too- they seemed so genuine, as if they had no idea why they had been pulled away, as if they actually feared for the man that was no more than a job to them.

Why? Why did they have to act like they actually cared when he wanted to hate them? And why did he want them to comfort him so badly? Goddamn them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Do people even like my long detailed chapters and scenes or should i just be more to the point and move everything faster?
> 
> 2) Fun fact: stuffed peppers are a common Romani dish for special occasions.
> 
> 3) I find it sad that baby fics only ever mention morning sickness and exhaustion as pregnancy symptoms when there is so much more! Nosebleeds, flushed skin and swollen veins are a common symptom from the early second trimester when the body starts producing excess blood to feed a growing fetus. There's more though and I think someone like Dick that has so much control over his body would particularly freaked out by these little things in a scenario where he's young and has no idea what to expect.
> 
> 4) Bigger time-skips and more angst coming soon. 
> 
> Finally- as always comments really motivate me to write and to write faster and I love hearing everyone's opinions or questions. So. please, consider dropping a comment.


	8. Pretty Bird And His Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick struggles to adjust as the little one grows, things actually seem bearable until a visitor shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this chapter is done. The next one is a BIGGIE. 
> 
> **Everything in bold is Arabic.**  
>  **  
>  _Everything in bold AND italic is Romanes._  
> **

Dick’s life had, without a shadow of a doubt, become absolutely bizarre.

With the collar wrapped stiffly around his neck he expected to feel smothered and even more imprisoned but instead… Well, he wasn’t sure what he felt, there was an underlying current of relief now, he didn’t understand why, he didn’t like being trapped yet somehow having his options taken away gave him room to breathe and focus on more pressing issue like, for example, the little alien currently taking over his body.

To confuse him even further there was the relief and elation of finally having some freedom and the chance to socialize again, even if every new person he met was a fanatical assassin, most of whom didn’t even speak English but rather a patchwork of many languages (he was still determined to get through to some of them).

There was also the slightly unnerving fact that Dick hadn’t picked up on a single omega his entire time there- none of the assassins hid their scents and in the growing heat of summer that meant that the air was stifling with a muggy cloud of pheromones permeating every communal space, everything reeked of alpha and beta and Dick couldn’t tell if the omegas were just keeping a low profile or if Talia was keeping him isolated from them or if there literally were none around.

He tried not to think about it but it made him feel singled out, targeted and anxious in a very primal way, it bothered him even more than the fact that these were literal terrorists because some corner of his animal brain just kept screaming that he was prey surrounded by wolves.

Nonetheless, in the following weeks Dick fell into a strange new routine, from sun down to sunrise he was still confined to his room and someone was always still following him everywhere and watching but other than that he had a newfound freedom inside the compound and, as much as he hated to follow Talia’s orders, he used it to learn.

Dick thought Bruce had taught him all he knew about the League’s methods, but now Dick saw that he had barely scratched the surface. He always knew League assassins were lethal but he had never imagined how far it would go- the techniques he watched them practice ranged from elegant to brutal and although some turned his stomach he could not help but be fascinated at how these people knew a thousand different ways to murder, from the quickest most effortless kills to the slowest torture designed to keep a victim alive and awake while inflicting the highest possible amount of pain that the human body can endure.

It’s not that he was interested in knowing how to kill, Dick had absolutely no desire to do such a thing, just remembering how he had indirectly killed Blockbuster was enough to turn his stomach and make him gag, the idea of being responsible for snuffing the light from someone’s eyes with his own hands was unthinkable, abhorrent.

No, Dick did not want to know how to kill but he did want to learn how to counter anything the League could throw at him, he did like having as much knowledge on the enemy’s skills as possible, and that made learning from these people a challenge that he could bask in, a thrill that made him almost forget that he was not there of his own free will.

However, the more Dick learned, the stranger he felt. Not that anything about the situation was normal, no, it was all strange, but something else, something layered deep under the curlicues of his brain and ingrained under the pores of his skin seemed to thrum to life from time to time, triggered by the most unusual things.

The first time Dick threw a batarang he had felt that same weird little buzz in the corner of his brain, as if his body was trying to remember something even as Bruce guided his hand, he had always ignored it because Bruce was patient enough to push him with encouragement rather than pressure. He got that same foggy feeling when a pair of assassins surrounded him and shoved a bunch of throwing knives into his hands, critiquing his stance and smacking random body parts with a bo staff until he had the pose down to perfection as he aimed at a target on the other side of the room.

Dick was never going to be as accurate a shot as Roy but as the ninjas pressured him and snapped at him to get it right he found himself giving in to the weird lethargic feeling and, suddenly, as he released the first blade, a memory popped into his head so fast he barely had time to process it. He remembered a barked voice in his ear, a vice grip on his wrists, the cool balanced weight and gleam of a knife, and the steely gaze of a man from the circus- Jackson, the knife thrower- someone he had seen but didn’t recall interacting with until that moment.

The memory took less then a second and left a dull throb behind Dick’s eyes, made him wonder if was really something that happened or just a long lost dream that wanted to slip from his grasp like water through a sieve the moment he tried to think about it. The next second he looked up, his wrist was still tensed, his hands were empty and all the knives were in the target, dead center; Dick tilted his head, his tongue flicked slowly over his back teeth as he tried to remember when exactly he had thrown all the blades.

Something in his stance, in his eyes, must have taken the assassins around him by surprise because there was a moment of blatant staring and from then on out they gave him a wide berth.

The incident with the knives was the first but not the last, the more he was pressured into learning obscure techniques for silent and effective murder the more little buzzing moments of almost-memory seemed to come to him, moments where his body seemed to move without his brain making a conscious decision. It was a little jarring but when he thought back, Dick realized it had happened before through the years (like when he had foolishly worked under Deathstroke), it simply hadn’t happened as much or as strongly as it did when he was surrounded by assassins and an atmosphere of soul-crushing discipline and blood-curdling violence.

It didn’t really feel important and Dick sometimes paused to wonder why these little flashes of repressed memory didn’t feel like something worth thinking about. Shouldn’t he be more alarmed? Why wasn’t he? Maybe it was just that the past didn’t feel important compared to the mess that was his present.

Dick was amazed at how comfortable he felt around all the hostility from the hordes of assassins, it was a testament of how lonely he had been trapped in the room; even if nobody really talked to him directly he was just more at ease surrounded by people and voices and scents that weren’t his own, after all that boredom and outright melancholy any stimulation was welcome.

However, he also liked moments of peace in the room with only Imani or Fatima because they weren’t hostile, they were still kind. In the evenings they still taught him Arabic, now with a slew of books that he still wasn’t sure he was allowed to have, they also helped him whenever something new happened in his body, they calmed him before he could start to panic.

The first few days that the kid began to move were so awkward, the maids couldn’t feel it yet when they touched him but said it was normal, they always said everything was normal when to Dick it felt the furthest thing from it, and that was deeply frustrating.

That little flutter like feathers ruffling low in his gut was just a reminder that there was another thing leeching off his body no matter how much he hated it… Sometimes Dick caught himself having these thoughts and cringed, wondering if he could have accepted, even loved, the child if the circumstances had been different.

He didn’t _like_ that he was so angry and resentful towards a baby that hadn’t asked for this situation any more than he did, but he couldn’t connect, couldn’t rationalize the feelings away, and maybe… Maybe he didn’t want to, maybe a part of him thought that if he stayed distant it would hurt less when Talia ripped the kid out of his arms and left him alone in his own skin again.

One morning, weeks after he put on the collar, weeks after he began to explore the inner workings of the League, Dick sat in bed unable to sleep before the sun was even fully up, just a lilac and orange bloom tinting above the horizon. He sat there and thought about these things for the thousandth time, about his discomfort and his annoyance at the kid that he was both afraid to meet and afraid to lose all at once.

Dick grumbled under his breath at the heat, beads of sweat already dotting his forehead and running down the back of his neck and between his shoulder blades, the air outside the window was not yet shimmering with heat as he knew it would in a few hours, promising mirages if one looked towards the desert. It was uncomfortable, Dick wondered how much longer this summer would last and it suddenly dawned on him out of the blue that it was late August.

He had missed Jason’s birthday.

It had been a little tricky but with some snooping around with new ‘freedom’ Dick had finally figured out what day it was and had been keeping track since, he knew he had missed Bruce’s birthday long ago and now Jason’s but the reality of time only really hit him at that moment, sitting in bed at dawn with sweat sliding down his back and the sun rising beyond the bars of his window.

He wondered what Jason was doing. Had he and Bruce patched things up? Had Bruce helped the kid find his mother after all? How had they celebrated Jason’s birthday? Had they even celebrated at all without Dick around? They probably had, Alfred wouldn’t let them forget it.

And where were they at that moment? Roaming the world looking for Dick? No, he didn’t think so, they would have found him by now if they were really looking, wouldn’t they? No, it was more likely that they were they back at the manor or maybe still patrolling the streets, Dick didn’t know enough about where he was to know what the time difference with Gotham was.

Dick was stressed, he felt bad thinking about his pack because he missed them and hated not being there for them, yet at the same time he was annoyed. He found it hard to believe that Batman, of all people, with all his resources and allies, couldn’t find his missing… What? What had they been when Dick got captured? Lovers? Partners? Allies with benefits? Maybe he wasn’t that important to Bruce, he had been away for the better part of three years and Bruce hadn’t chased after him after all, maybe the alpha expected him to get out this mess on his own rather than be a damsel in distress, maybe he wasn’t even worried.

Ok, that was unfair. Dick knew his bitter thoughts were not rational at all but that didn’t stop him from feeling them burrowing into his bones, leaking down to his marrow.

With an annoyed grunt, Dick got up and dragged himself to the bathroom to wash away the sweat and bitterness, grateful for the cold water that sluiced down his stiff achy muscles and sticky skin.

Once done, he slipped on some pants and trudged back to the bed to sit down, rubbing a towel through his hair and picking up a brush to try to comb the knots out of his damn black waves that had gotten stupidly long and way too thick to be normal. Seriously, this pregnancy stuff was surreal, if he hadn’t been living through all the crap that came with it he wouldn’t believe half of it was real.

Imani had been dozing in her chair but seemed to have woken up and gotten relieved of her shift while he washed. Fatima now stood in the room with a tray of food, she saw him struggling and approached, plucked the comb out of his hands, pushed a bowl of food into them instead, and began untangling his hair, humming softly while Dick grudgingly shoved a spoonful of vegetables, egg and what he was sure were mashed fava beans, into his mouth.

It’s not like Dick wasn’t grateful to have graduated back to normal food, he really was, it’s just that they kept trying to shove large amounts of it into him whether he wanted it or not. Dick understood why, or at least he thought he did- in last few weeks his bump had tripled in size, felt like a damn bowling ball between his hipbones, and yet according to what he gleaned from the maids he hadn’t been putting on enough weight to keep up with the growth, Dick hadn’t even know that was a real issue people could have but it was just one more thing to annoy him and remind him that his body wasn’t his anymore.

 **“Fatima.”** Dick caught the woman’s attention between bites of food, she was still humming but seemed done with his hair and was picking up books from the floor. **“Where are we?”**

She gave him a quizzical a look with a tilt of her head, setting the books down in front of him.

 **“Country.”** He clarified, swallowing the last of the food and washing it down with bitter tea. Dick didn’t know why she was confused, he’d asked this question many times before, hoping eventually someone would slip up.

The beta stared at him for a long moment and then shook her head sternly, smacking his arm lightly in admonishment, rather than speaking she opened one of the books and glanced around before pointing at a page.

“Right. Against the rules.” Dick sighed, rolling his eyes, and when she kept insistently tapping the book he finally glanced at the page. **“Alright, alright, I’m looking.”**

It seemed to be a book on anatomy, the written Arabic far too advanced for Dick but he still grasped bits and pieces, his gaze travelled to where Fatima was pointing, tapping the tip of her finger against a familiar word next to an anatomical picture- ‘ear’.

Dick opened his mouth to ask something but she cleared her throat and pointed even more urgently at the word before she gave him a very pointed stare and glanced around the room. Understanding came quickly and Dick nodded quietly, he had long since suspected the room, or maybe the collar, might be bugged and he was grateful for the confirmation.

 **“Alright.”** Dick nodded, his sigh heavy with resignation, he was about to give up and just go out to train when Fatima tugged on his hand to once again get his attention.

She flipped pages and made him read a small piece of text out loud like one of their usual lessons. She occasionally corrected his pronunciation and eventually pushed another book his way with a very stilted effort to seem casual, indicating a small segment- it was a book on middle-eastern religion and mythology, she was pointing at a picture of a pyramid and tilted her head towards the window.

Dick blinked, staring and then looking up at her to catch a small nod before his attention snapped back down to the book and… He burst out laughing. Egypt? He was in freaking _Egypt_?

Fatima looked alarmed, she snapped the book shut and nervously shuffled it under the others as he continued to laugh; because he had never seen the beta so anxious Dick tried to calm down and pat her hand reassuringly, shoulders still shaking with mirth.

Knowing he was in Egypt didn’t really help him escape but it was ironic that he, a Roma, found himself stranded in Egypt of all places. It would be pretty upsetting if it wasn’t so stupidly funny. Ah, it felt good to laugh.

The laughter only really stopped when there was a jab below Dick’s ribs, his hands flew automatically to his belly and he sighed, grumbling. “Well, someone’s awake.”

Dick hadn’t even known babies slept in the womb, Imani had been the one to share that tidbit, either way the kid was clearly up now and kicking up a storm- it was no longer the little flutter of before, now he felt literal kicks, twitchy bumps and fidgets of someone squirming in a claustrophobically tight space, motions that could actually be seen from the outside if anyone focused hard enough on tracking the little pangs under the taut skin of his belly.

 **“How to make it stop?”** Dick asked as best as he could when Fatima placed her hand against his skin to feel the movement, all hints of good humor seeping rapidly from his voice.

At that moment he could feel the kid poking under his ribs to the right and down by his bladder on the left all at once, like an annoying octopus in a tiny pot trying to test its boundaries and intent on making sure Dick wouldn’t forget it was there.

Fatima seemed to be thinking about it, when she finally drew her hand away and looked at him with warm amber eyes and pat his cheek with a gentle hand. **“Talk.”**

“ **Talk?** ” Dick cocked a brow curiously, even as he felt another little kick to his side.

 **“Speak to them, they can hear you. Let them learn your voice, it will calm them.”** He could see the smile in Fatima’s eyes as she spoke.

Dick’s mouth gave a skeptical little twist as he made a noncommittal noise, but he nodded and got up, stretching and reaching for his tunic, he slipped it on and headed for the door.

Since his condition ensured he was not yet forced to abide by League schedules he had no specific plan for the day, not with all that boiling heat making it hard to move, but he wandered the hallways until he found himself in a small inner courtyard that was mostly empty and filled with plant life (Dick wondered how everything in there could be so green in such oppressive heat).

There was another kick, the movement hadn’t really stopped since he left the room but this particular jab was hard right up towards his ribs.

Well, maybe talking was worth a shot.

“You know…” Dick muttered under his breath, glancing around to make sure nobody heard him talking to his own stomach like a lunatic. “All you’re missing is a tiny little tin cup so you can rattle it against my ribs like an old-timey prisoner.”

The movement eased up a little as Dick chuckled at the mental image. He was surprised that the subject didn’t bother him, he had expected to feel stupid speaking to the thing leeching off him as if it understood but instead he felt _lighter_ , scared as hell that he might get attached or might be forgetting how messed up the situation was, but still lighter.

As he chewed on these feelings, Dick’s back began aching a bit from the pressure that had become worse each day as his center of gravity shifted radically so he sat on the edge of a fountain and placed a hesitant hand on the bump, there was a kick almost directly under his touch and he wasn’t really sure how he felt about the contact- it should have been as annoying as any involuntary reaction, or maybe as dull as a hiccup, but instead there was a bit of an emotional component there that he wasn’t willing to explore.

“And there’s your favorite song again. ‘Hit me baby one more time’.” Dick huffed a soft laugh. “Britney would be proud.”

There was yet another kick, more like a hard roll against his side, it seemed the talking was just making things worse and riling the kid up but, well, Dick found it weirdly soothing to have somebody to talk to without any language barriers or trust issues. He was about to say something again when he spotted Fatima and a guard standing several yards away in the corridor that led to the little courtyard, he had almost forgotten he was under constant watch.

Dick considered his options- he could shut up but he didn’t want to, not for them anyway, or he could keep talking and ignore everyone else but he didn’t want anyone involved in this weirdly private thing he had going on with the squirming little monster.

“You know what, kid?” Dick smirked as he made a decision. **_“Time for you to learn Romani Chib.”_**

Dick very much doubted anyone in the damn compound would understand Romanes, specially not the mix of Kalderash and Ursari dialects that Dick picked up from his parents. It would be their own little argot, a secret code just between Dick and his little kicker.

 ** _“You know what the difference between a pregnant person and a lightbulb is?”_** Dick stretched his legs in front of him, letting the language roll off his tongue, he was rusty but it was like riding a bike. **_“You can unscrew a lightbulb.”_** There was a pair of energetic kicks against his side had Dick laughing softly. **_“Good, you already have a better sense of humor than your dad.”_**

*

Dick was in a very bad mood.

For starters the baby was hiccupping and he felt it for hours, it was another one of those things he didn’t know was real until he was living it, it had been a little alarming at first before someone explained what was happening, then it got funny, but after the one hour mark it just became annoying.

Secondly, his feet were too swollen for shoes, his back ached constantly, he still kept getting nauseous more often than not, and he had to pee all the damn time. And he was told it would only get worse the closer he got to the end of the pregnancy, that was terrifying and it made him miserable.

Also, Dick really wanted cheese.

Pregnancy cravings were something he always found funny, clichés like pickles and ice cream and partners forced out of bed at 3AM to procure random things like watermelon were the sort of story he heard people tell to get a laugh, things he always assumed were exaggerated.

Well, damn, he owed a lot of apologies now because all Dick could think about with single-minded intensity was to bury his face in giant brick of plain cheddar and just gnaw at it like animal.

He figured there had to be some logic behind cravings and when he also started craving McDonald’s style sundaes (the caramel kind that he could dip fries in) and Alfred’s fancy rendition of mac and cheese with prosciutto and four different types of gooey goodness, Dick hazarded a guess that the now huge squirmy critter inside him probably needed calcium or something.

It got so bad that he actually begged, he was always reluctant to ask for anything, still too proud and too cautious and not wanting to owe his captors, but _cravings_ … Man, _cravings_ were a new kind of hell and he quickly gave in and begged the maids for cheese like some stupid little cartoon mouse, he even tried to venture into the kitchens he wasn’t allowed in to look for the illusive yellow treat.

Someone eventually relented and brought cheese but it came in hard fried lumps that were just slightly to the left of what the roaring craving demanded of him and never left him fully satisfied even while he ate enough of them to make himself sick. His meals started arriving with milk and dollops of mushy feta from then on out though so that helped the nagging little want inside him a little.

 ** _“It’s the fourth time this week that I’m eating myself sick of this crap.”_** Dick mumbled to his own belly early in the morning with a mouth full of chewy fried goodness; any other time he might be disgusted but despite all his complaining, at the moment the treats just tasted amazing, a goddamn delight if he was honest. **_“You better be thankful, gremlin_**.”

After a few weeks the Romanes had started to come naturally and his Arabic was getting pretty good, good enough that he could now read the simple little Arabic storybook open on top of his bump, it was the kind that actually had the translation next to it to help him learn, even if the translation was in Spanish for whatever reason.

In fact, his Arabic was getting decent enough that he kept trying to talk with many of the people he interacted with in the training halls (not that any of them responded, some would endure his company or even look a little curious but nobody seemed comfortable enough to talk to him), Dick barely noticed that he hadn’t said much of anything in English in at least four weeks and he only realized _that_ because he was very aware that he hadn’t seen or spoken to Talia in even longer.

Dick had come to the conclusion that this compound was not, in fact, the League’s main headquarters.

It was massive place, big enough for the hundreds of rookie assassins learning within its walls, but not huge enough to the epicenter of a worldwide terrorist organization; it was also weirdly constructed- thanks to all his snooping around Dick had discovered recently that there were mystical wards and strange amulets placed all around the outer perimeter and lead lining most walls, but there was no sign of a Lazarus Pit, despite the underground labs and armories that he wasn’t allowed close to (he’d tried, the collar shocked him hard enough that he nearly passed out at the bottom of the stairs that led to the labs, it deterred him from ever trying again).

All in all, the compound was well equipped and absurdly well protected for a place hidden in the middle of nowhere.

However, Dick had been there for months and barely saw Talia during that time and he hadn’t seen proof of Ra’s being around either, and all his chatting and listening around led him to hear rumors about Khadym, whispers from newly arrived assassins and orders for those about to leave.

Yes, Dick was quite sure the Al Ghuls were based in Khadym, it fit with what he knew of Batman’s old archives and it made sense why they’d keep him in Egypt- a secret base far enough not to lead to them but close enough that they could keep a careful eye on it, a hideout to keep precious prisoners hidden just in case any rescuers tried to approach them directly.

It all made sense… Which is why the whirl of helicopters and sudden commotion outside were a surprise.

From the window Dick could see some confusion, even from so far away he could see the little dots that were new people arriving and others that seemed to be reluctantly moving aside. The door to the room snapped open and Imani, who sat next to him skimming through a book herself, rose to attention and rushed to speak to the guard in low words, from what Dick could tell she was being summoned away and he watched her go. Nobody bothered to stay to guard him for once.

 ** _”I wonder what’s so important that they would leave us unsupervised.”_** It had become a habit to voice his thoughts out loud to the baby, made Dick feel significantly less lonely. **_“Should we find out?”_** There was a kick, the little bounce visible even under his white tunic. **_“I’ll take that as a yes.”_**

With a hand cradling his absurdly swollen abdomen, Dick struggled to get up. It was getting harder too move normally lately and he hated how his balance was so thrown off all of the sudden, he was still struggling to adjust to a whole new center of gravity but that struggle didn’t stop him from being quiet and an effective fighter, just because he could no longer do a triple flip didn’t mean he was useless.

Dick just hated that he still had almost two months of that hell to go and hoped it wouldn’t get much worse the closer he got to the due date, but at the same time he told himself he needed every second of those two months because once they were up he had no idea how he’d survive.

That silent effectiveness that Dick still fought tooth and nail for served him well as he roamed around the compound gathering information, people were tense and defensive and it didn’t take him long to find the source in a large closed off hall, someone was barking orders and talking to the teachers that trained League soldiers. Dick slipped into the room quietly and stood mostly in the shadows to listen, there were enough people crowded around that nobody noticed him.

A handful of ninjas in training were on the floor littered around a newcomer, Dick recognized one or two and hoped they were just passed out.

Whomever the man in the center of the room was Dick took an immediate dislike to him, he looked like a stereotype pulled out of a cheap old kung fu movie- Asian with long white hair sprouting from a balding head, a long white beard and mustache, wearing a greyish blue changshan and ridiculously long nails that looked more like sharp claws. He sat much like Talia did (back straight and head held high to look down on everyone else) but unlike Talia, and even Ra’s, he lacked a certain glow, a charisma and allure that swayed people with ease and made the most powerful tremble; no, this man was authoritative and imposing but mostly just creepy and off-putting.

The man berated the instructors for their skill, clearly he was unimpressed by the quality of the ninjas around him and spoke about assassination as if it were a work of art that they were perverting. Eventually he wound down from whatever tanged he was on and finally settled on what seemed to be the reason for his visit, he wanted soldiers for a large scale assignment somewhere in China.

Before the old man could delve more into the plan he paused and glanced directly at Dick, the latter feeling a chill creep up his spine at the man’s withering look.

“Is that the witless girl’s latest project?” The newcomer’s voice was snide and the fact that he shifted into English suddenly did not go unnoticed.

Dick didn’t say anything, he was too busy picking up on the uncomfortable glances the instructors exchanged, as well as some restrained expressions of anger and outrage. Someone pulled him by his arm until he was a couple of feet away from the old man, from that distance Dick could smell him and it made him almost scrunch up his nose and flinch.

The scent was acidic an musty like grave dirt tossed into sulfuric acid and ammonia, Dick knew the smell only vaguely, he remembered it from Ra’s and Bruce had once told him it was the scent of a Lazarus Pit but he’d never felt it so strongly and oppressive, it drowned whatever the man’s real scent was but Dick could make out a note of something very faded, something that would have been almost nauseatingly sweet in its prime and very omega under all that moldy sourness.

“You know, there’s this this called soap that can help with…” Dick waved at the air around the guy. “…all that.”

“How dare you address Sensei this way?” A slender alpha with black hair and dark slanted eyes, someone that Dick hadn’t paid attention to but that now exuded power, stepped from behind the old man with fury tinting her pretty face.

The man, the Sensei, ignored her and merely observed Dick with dark unreadable eyes. Despite his perfectly straight and still posture with his hands casually folded, everything about the guy screamed hostility, to the untrained eye he might seem relaxed but to Dick every little move felt like the coil of a snake before a strike.

A moment later Sensei tuned to the ninja that had pulled Dick forward. “Take him to my chambers, I deal with him later.”

“Buy a guy a drink first.” Dick rolled his eyes, letting himself be hauled away, he wasn’t worried in the least.

This newcomer seemed to dislike Talia and Dick wanted to know why, he wanted to gather more information about this obvious instability in the League’s hierarchy, maybe there was even something he could use and if he had to be alone with the distasteful old man to get him to talk then so be it.

Five minutes later he was turning into a corridor in an area he wasn’t overly familiar with when his instincts kicked in at the softest little rustling sound. Dick dodged, pressed against the wall and rolled out of the way just as the bulky ninja escorting him was slammed the opposite direction by a whirl of black and fell with a clash, a figure in a dark abaya and niqab stood over the unconscious alpha with a knife in hand.

 **“Imani?”** Dick was stunned, he always assumed the maids had more to them than met the eye seeing as they worked for Talia but it was still a shock to see the small beta taking down an alpha twice her size so quickly that it was hard to tell how she even did it.

 **“Come. We must go.”** Imani stood, grabbing his hand and guiding him insistently down a corridor, moving urgently but quietly.

 **“Go where?”** Dick followed without complaint, he was too confused to do otherwise.

Imani glanced around the corner to make sure they were alone. **“You are going to escape.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Romani Chib is what the Romani call Romanes (their language).  
> -The breakfast Dick is given is the traditional Egyptian ful medames and the cheese is gebna makleyah.  
> -For the record, although they are Middle-Eastern, Imani and Fatima are not Egyptian themselves. They are also not assassins.
> 
> -For those who don’t get why Dick got a little hysterical about being in Egypt- the reason people started calling the Romani “gypsies” was because of the wrongful assumption that their people came from Egypt (which in turn was a result of racial exoticism and stereotypes), when in reality they came from northern India and settled in eastern Europe before becoming fully nomadic due to social persecution (and making their nomadic lifestyle into a cultural tradition). It’s more or less the same thing that led to Native Americans being calls “Indians”. Anyway, Dick just finds it ironic af.
> 
> As usual, comments are very important to me, I love to hear what you all think.  
> Any kind of comment inspires me and motivates me to write faster so please do share your thoughts!


	9. Screaming Is Not A Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick runs away but ends up in a much more nightmarish situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just poured out of me, which is why I'm updating so fast. Tags have been updated.
> 
> BIG WARNINGS:  
> This chapter includes stuff that might squick some people out, including graphic depictions of freaky childbirth and implied child death. If that triggers you be very careful or avoid the chapter altogether. 
> 
> As usual, anything in **bold** is Arabic, and anything in **_bold and italic_** is Romanes.

Dick woke up in terrible pain.

His entire body ached, from his scalp to his toes, everything buzzed and twitched, body parts he didn’t know he had throbbed even through the weird numbness that permeated every inch of his skin, making it hard pinpoint specific aches or locate his limbs.

It took several minutes to understand why he was in pain and where the hell he was, for one tiny incandescent moment Dick almost thought he was waking up from his battle with Deathstroke and the last few months had all been a hallucinogenic dream.

And then a frantic kicking in his belly shook him back to reality, the thrum of an engine and the jostling of his surroundings started to pierce through the haze.

His eyelids fluttered open and a groan slipped past his lips, Dick tried to flex his fingers and regain control of his body as memories started flooding back into his brain like a monsoon.

_Imani refusing to answer and guiding him outside into the burning sun, a couple of guards that pretended not to see them, another guard that shoved him in the back of a military truck and locked him in as Imani climbed into the driver’s seat, his protests as he clutched at the collar in a panic when he realized they weren’t stopping, and then the moment the vehicle crossed the gates out the compound- sizzling pain shooting so fast and so suddenly through his body that Dick didn’t even have time to scream, his jaw locked along with every other major muscle and he crashed to the truck’s floor, choking as his lungs seized, and then everything went black._

Dick sat up feeling disoriented, there was a sharp twinging pain on his lower back when he moved and he hissed through it, taking deep breaths until it subsided. He looked towards the front, there was an opening that lead to the cab where Imani as driving, the sun was setting and coloring everything in shades of orange, gold and magenta as he crawled up to the front.

Imani glanced at him from the corner of her eyes and pat the passenger seat before her eyes focused again to the beaten path that served as their road.

 **“Alright?”** She asked, worry coloring her tone.

“What the hell, Imani?” Dick snapped irritably as he settled in the seat with a hiss of pain. She gave him a little confused and impatient glance at the English. **“I mean, what was that? Did you not hear me say the collar was…”** Dick struggled to find the right word for ‘rigged’ in Arabic but she seemed to understand him anyway.

 **“I knew.”** The beta gave a little apologetic shrug.

 **“Then why?”** He growled a little, he was grateful to be out, he really was, but he would have preferred a little warning before getting electrocuted.

 **“Had to get you out. Had to risk it.”** Imani’s voice was pleading, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned white.

 **“…I thought you were loyal to Talia?”** Dick was a little confused, he and the maids had developed a friendly relationship and he really liked them as people but he didn’t trust their blind fanatical faith in the League or their willingness to believe Talia’s bullshit about the baby being hers.

 **“What? Of course I am loyal to Miss Talia!”** She was startled and defensive, that just made everything even more confusing.

**“They why help me?”**

**“Sensei has been undermining Miss Talia for a long time. The Master feels it is healthy competition but…”** Imani hesitated, a frightened glint in her eye as if she was afraid Ra’s himself might materialize in front of them the moment she said anything critical **.** Nonetheless, she quickly pulled herself back together and got back to the matter at hand. **“He came on false pretenses, we knew he would try to eliminate any child of Miss Talia’s so we made the decision to get you out before he could.”**

 **“Oh.”** Now Dick understood why those guards had helped, they all thought they were protecting Talia’s interests, her child, they really were loyal **. “So you’re taking me to her, aren’t you?”**

Imani glanced at him again and her brows knit together in a furrow, she stared at the blank stretch of desert ahead and fidgeted, Dick could almost imagine her chewing her lip under her niqab but she said nothing, even as he kept trying to prob her for more information she just remained nervously silent, occasionally making a sharp turn or checking a GPS device stuck to the dashboard with a magnet.

Dick considered trying to run, now that he was out of the compound he didn’t have to worry about the collar (though he didn’t dare try to take it off yet) and he only had one person to overpower, he could take the truck and the GPS and head to nearest populated area… But he discarded that idea quickly, he was still too numb and in pain to risk a fight and didn’t know if the truck could be traced.

Half an hour later the beta was still not talking but Dick gave up trying to make conversation because the pain from before was back on top of all the soreness in every corner of his body, the sharp ache spreading across his hips with a slow throb that made him restless, he huffed with frustration at everything- Imani’s silence, the pain and residual numbness, the way his ears still crackled from the shock, the itchy burn under the collar, the overheated stuffy truck, the baby kicking like it was going out of style, just _everything_.

 ** _“I know, I know, that shock scared you. It’s been hours, calm down already. Don’t worry, I don’t think it will happen again.”_** Dick sighed and tried to hum something soothing, he had discovered recently that it sometimes helped calm the movement, he rubbed a hand against the side of his belly, wincing because the kicks were frantic like the baby was trying to run away. At least the kid was moving, at least they were alive.

 **“You didn’t answer.”** Imani finally spoke again when she noticed his discomfort, she still seemed concerned and on edge. **“Are you alright?”**

 **“Enough volts went through me that I completely lost control of my body and blacked out for what I think was the entire day.”** Dick frowned and hoped his Arabic wasn’t too terrible to express his annoyance (it probably was). **“The kid is in a panic, who knows what that shock did to them, I hurt all over and you are taking me back to that** ** _scroafă.._** ** _.”_** The insult slipped out in Romanes, Dick was just that frustrated and didn’t know any profanity in Arabic yet. He grit his teeth and finished with- **_“_** **No, I’m not alright!”**

The truck stopped as Imani abruptly hit the brakes, she twisted in her seat to look him in the eye, there was a fire there in the dark coffee of her irises that made the desert feel chilly.

 **“You will overpower me.”** She said sharply, it was an order, not a question or a suspicion.

 **“What?”** Dick frowned, confused.

 **“In about twenty kilometers you will overpower me and leave me in the desert near the border to Khadym, there is fuel and water in the back and money in the glove compartment, you will head southeast for another day and half until you reach the nearest town where you will be able to contact anyone you want to come get you but you must not stay there for long, people will be looking.”** Imani was gesturing as she spoke but eventually grabbed his hand with urgency, staring into his eyes with a look of utter determination. **“Keep moving, stay hydrated, trust no one, be careful.”**

Dick stared right back at her with what he was sure was shock etched all over his face, he took all the information and gave a short grateful nod. **“Thank you.”**

For the next fifteen minutes Dick kept expecting her to change her mind but, as promised, a little over twelve miles later they were stopping and Imani was getting out. She waited so he waddled out of the truck and stood in front of the small beta who examined him carefully but briefly before slipping something onto his palm- her dagger and a small comm device.

 **“Take the weapon, you overpowered me, remember?”** She waited for him to put it away and then pointed at the comm. **“It’s a one-way frequency, in case you change your mind and decide to come back to Miss Talia. Please consider it.”** Imani implored.

Dick said nothing, he wasn’t going to use the thing and if he never saw Talia again he’d be happy, but he didn’t want to disrespect this woman that was risking so much to help him so he gave a noncommitting nod that seemed to be satisfying enough for her to hand him the truck’s keys.

 **“Allah Ma’aak.”** Imani murmured, squeezing his hands gently and leaning close to press her cheek to his, affectionately scenting him.

 _God be with you_. Dick understood this was a serious goodbye, so he nuzzled back briefly and answered in kind. **“Ma’al salama.”** _Stay safe._

A minute later he was speeding away in the truck and watching Imani grow smaller and smaller in the side mirror, she waved at him for a while and then turned and began to hike away.

Dick got in a full forty-five minutes before he had to pull over, the pain from earlier was back _again_ , radiating from between his hips and curling up his back like blackberry thorns, it was sharp enough that he just had to stop and breathe lest he accidently crash his only means of transportation. He stood up and got out, hoping that pacing a little might loosen his muscles and soothe the pain; the kid kicked around against his ribs, making it a little hard to breathe, it didn’t help the situation at all.

The sky had gone completely dark and without light pollution the velvety sky was dusted with the twinkling glow of millions of stars, more than he had ever been able to see, it was one of the most beautiful things Dick had ever seen but he couldn’t appreciate it when he was in a rush and trying not to double over. 

Eventually the pressure eased up, he took long shaky breaths and hopped back into the truck, taking off as soon as he was sure that he could focus on the drive and not veer off course, the last thing he needed was to get lost in the desert and waste fuel. The GPS indicated that he was on the right course so he powered on.

*

By dawn Dick had already stopped four times through the drive, there was a pattern to the long stabs in his lower body and the slow growing pressure on his back, he knew it but he didn’t want to deal with it.

 ** _“You have almost two months left in there, don’t start getting any bright ideas.”_** He growled at the bump as he leaned back on the seat and gulped down water from a nearly empty bottle, the engine was off, the sun didn’t blaze yet but it was already too bright and the ache was driving him nuts. **_“Please, kid.”_**

He reached for the key to start the engine again when a weirdest sensation of his life suddenly assaulted him, a freaky pull between his legs, an achy wet feeling that reminded him of being in heat except _wrong_. It was more than a little unsettling and it took a full minute for his brain to process what was happening.

Dick stuck his head out the window and checked the horizon, there no sign of life anywhere but he felt so exposed in the middle of the open desert in an idle truck; nonetheless, he had to figure out what was happening so he slipped out of the seat and moved to the back, squirming out of his pants and reaching down with a wobbly panic growing in his chest. His cloaca felt strange and slippery and his fingers came back stained with thick pink fluid, it was insanely frustrating so he kicked off his pants completely and maneuvered back to the front so he could rip a side mirror straight out of his frame before returning to the back, trying to angle the mirror for a proper look.

Objectively, Dick could understand what he was seeing, he still remembered basic reproductive anatomy from his sixth grade classes. On the outside all males looked alike until puberty, then things started getting freaky with alphas growing knots and omegas and betas developing cloacae; what Dick was currently looking at was his cloaca stretching, edges reddened and swollen.

“Nope. Just no. Don’t have time for this.” Closing his eyes, Dick took a slow centering breath, then another and another until some of the tension dispelled from his shoulders and he was calm enough to speak again, running a hand over his swollen stomach. **_“Look, at least stay in there until we reach the town and I can call for help. I’ll even call Clark, he can get here faster than anyone and then we can figure this out, ok?”_**

Of course he got no response, Dick took another breath and struggled back into his clothes. He drank some more water and slipped back into the driver’s seat, intent on driving like a bat out of hell until he reached the little bright dot of a town that glowed on the GPS screen.

Dick had to stop again close to midday because the pain kept coming and his legs were starting to cramp so much that it was impossible to keep driving, he had to get out of the truck and try to move and stretch him limbs. As soon as he slipped out and stood up straight he knew something was different, his balance was off again, the weight in his belly seemed to have dropped lower in his hips, he had to lean against the truck for leverage and burned his hand on the hot metal as he attempted to walk circles around the vehicle.

The heat was unbearable, he could feel his own sweat sizzling against his skin and the sun was blinding, but none of that compared to the discomfort that came from within- the pressure on his back and the tight cramping were bad enough that he was getting nauseous and he was tired already.

The feeling of vulnerability and exposure was stronger than ever, it made him jittery and stressed and Dick had the unreasonable but irresistible instinct to burrow somewhere enclosed and dim, somewhere sheltered where he curl up surrounded by his own scent and preferably Bruce’s too and…

“Shit, I don’t have time to think about nesting.” Dick huffed and crawled back into the shade of the truck’s cab, it was stuffy and the steering wheel was too hot to touch unless he wrapped something around it first.

As much as he wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening and just keep driving nonstop, Dick had to face the facts- he knew nothing about childbirth beyond the barest basics he picked up in health class in high school but he was pretty sure that’s where he was heading, if not then something was seriously wrong either with him or the baby. He assumed being electrocuted into unconsciousness triggered… whatever this was.

Dick had to adjust his plan.

According to the GPS he was still well over five hundred miles away from his goal, there was no way he could keep driving that far in the state he was in, he might have enough of an indomitable will to try but the kid sure didn’t and he couldn’t expect them to cooperate. He couldn’t stay out the open though, couldn’t risk getting caught either by Talia or Sensei, he wasn’t sure which one would be worse at that point.

It took a little fiddling with the GPS but Dick found something promising- according to the map he was less than a hundred miles away from a small mountain range with cave formations large enough to be worth mapping out, those would make a decent and much cooler shelter for a while until… When? Dick knew he couldn’t stay put for too long but his instincts screamed that he needed shelter and he needed it fast.

“Ok, one thing at a time.” He muttered as he started the engine and maneuvered the vehicle into a new direction, kicking up sand as he sped away under the blazing sunshine of what would have otherwise been a viciously beautiful desert day.

*

Out of nothing more than pure animal instinct and very little common sense, Dick chose the deepest most sheltered cave that he could find carved into the ground and even then it was shallow enough that wisps of sunlight spilled through the cracks at the top; he had dragged the crate filled with water canisters, Imani’s dagger and a flashlight found in the glove compartment all the way down there, he didn’t know why but he brought the commlink too and the truck itself was hidden in a wider and shallower opening in the mountain. That had all been a couple of hours ago.

The little carved space he had found was dry and a little dusty but cool enough that Dick could breathe again as he paced back and forth, it was also rather comforting in the sense that it reminded him of a tiny batcave. He had long since stripped off his sweaty clothes that were piled into the tiniest most pathetic nest he had ever seen, a nest that he curled up in whenever he was hunched over in pain or trying to move to dissipate some tension from his cramping legs and aching body.

By the time he had huddled into the cave he knew this had to be labor because the moment he sat back to catch his breath there was a sudden gush of clear fluid flooding down his legs, Dick might not know much about these things (not that that he didn’t want to know, but by the time he wanted to learn he was prisoner and nobody was willing to give him information because they wanted him dependent on them) but he did at least know what water breaking was, he wasn’t a _complete_ idiot.

However, his only real experience with childbirth was that time when he was fifteen and Bruce had to help a lady that went into labor during a Two-Face hostage situation, and even then all Dick really did was round up goons and do crowd control until the paramedics arrived.

There was really no time to be thinking about the past though because the stabs of pain were coming faster and lasting longer and he kept getting the unbearable urge to bear down and push.

«If Bruce were here he’d know what to do…» The thought was as painful as the contractions because it was true and he wasn’t there and Dick was so very alone.

Dick was scared in a way he hadn’t been since… Well, since before Robin. Just completely and utterly terrified because Nightwing had had some pretty bad injuries over the years but nothing that hurt quite like this, nothing that felt like an alien parasite was tearing him up from the inside out; and it was _way too soon_ , and what was he supposed to do? What if he screwed up? What if he hurt the kid? He was in the middle of nowhere with nothing! And, and, and… He was… Alone.

A loud whimper escaped his lips at the end of another contraction, his teeth were clenched hard enough to crack and he wasn’t able to focus enough to regulate his breathing and ended up gasping and clutching at the rocky wall with one hand while the other one cradled his abdomen. He was exhausted already, could feel the energy drain out of him as his body stretched in impossible ways and the kid wouldn’t stop moving and for some reason none of it felt real, it felt like a nightmare that he was watching unfold against his will and honestly? Maybe Dick could have lived with that, he knew he could, what he couldn’t handle was being alone.

Every instinct in his body told him that he should not be alone, that there should be a mate protecting him, there should be pack around to comfort him, an alpha to shield, a beta to nurture, a fellow omega to comfort; without that he was hyper aware of how vulnerable he was and couldn’t focus on just getting the damn kid out. He wanted someone to hold him and tell him he was going to be alright.

All Dick wanted was his pack and his friends. Literally. He wouldn’t ask for anything else, he was willing to endure anything so long as he could see his loved ones.

He wanted Alfred to take care of him like he used to when Dick was ten and sick in bed, he wanted Bruce’s safe protective presence, wanted to curl against the alpha in silence just for the comfort of his company, he wanted to zone out hearing Jason’s happy babble about school and his adventures on patrol, he wanted long phone calls with Babs to talk about anything and everything.

He even missed Clark carrying him through the sky and laughing with him about whatever story they were talking about, he wanted Wally’s impromptu visits that meant pizza and terrible sci-fi movies with the speedster’s soothing beta scent calming him as they curled up on the couch, he wanted Donna’s big sister energy and her protective alpha aura surrounding him even when she scolded him for not staying in touch, he wanted basketball matches with Roy while the other omega bitched about Oliver, he wanted shopping dates with Kory where they could unwind and talk about their relationships, he missed leaning on Joey’s back and hearing the latter play guitar, he missed video games with Gar, he missed meditating (or trying to) with Rachel, and sparing with Rose and Garth.

Goddamn it, he missed everyone so much.

If any of them had been there, he would be able to do this. If any of them were there he could do anything, but without them? Dick wasn’t sure he could survive this and that wasn’t even a euphemism.

He was a leader of heroes, a vigilante, a man who used to fight crime, jump from rooftops, join highspeed chases, antagonize lunatics with a smile and face death head-on every day since he was nine, even before that he was used to jumping through the air like a daredevil for the delight of a crowd, and yet he wondered- was this how he was going to die? Pathetic, vulnerable and alone in a hole in the middle of nowhere, victim of an unborn infant that he wasn’t even sure he wanted?

These dark thoughts kept spiraling inside his head in a loop as the day dragged on, or not quite a loop because loops were constant and half the time the pain and pressure made it too hard to think, so hard he even forgot to breathe some times and only remembered when he started seeing spots.

This was hell, Dick was in hell.

“Jesus, how long does it take to have a freaking baby?” Dick hissed through his teeth, it had been hours since this mess started and he was losing his mind.

Finding a position that was even remotely comfortable was a struggle, it might have been easier to rearrange his bones before that happened, but eventually Dick found himself panting on all fours, the rocky ground biting and grating his knees and palms, his legs spread wide enough that his hips popped as he rocked slowly in place.

It felt like he was trying to push something the size of a watermelon through an opening the size of a penny as the current contraction dragged out for an unreasonably long amount of time. They were coming quickly now, never really going away and barely giving him time to catch his breath before the vicious cramping swelled all over again.

Dick felt useless, he kept trying to push because wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? Except it wasn’t really helping, it was just tiring him out and that in turn made everything take longer because he had wasted so much energy so early on that he barely had any when it really started to count.

Everything went black for a moment and Dick wasn’t sure if he passed out from the pain or if he forgot to breathe again or if it was just pure exhaustion but when he came to it was with a vicious stab ripping through him like a rusty blade, it was so bad he barely noticed cave was rapidly getting darker and darker.

He’d collapsed on his side and had to crawl to the crate of meager supplies to get the flashlight, he toppled the whole box and everything spilled onto the ground, when he managed to turn on the light he spotted the commlink just inches from his head.

It was tempting, so very tempting to just call Talia and surrender. What did he have to lose at this point? If she grabbed him she’d probably kill him after the baby was born, he doubted there was any way around that now that he’d run away again, but if he didn’t call for help he might just die alone anyway and if that happened then how would the kid survive? Was he really that prideful and selfish that he’d let an innocent die rather than ask for his enemy’s help?

«Oh god, I’m rationalizing. I’m trying to convince myself to do it.» Dick whined and panted through that thought, he didn’t even have the strength to say it out loud but he threw the comm device away only for it to bounce harmlessly off the wall and land nearby all over again, mocking him.

It took some effort but Dick tried to imagine what it would be like if Talia found him, he was sure she would have him beheaded or something like that, his body abandoned in the nothingness without a grave and then the baby would just be a pawn in her sadistic game to manipulate Bruce. He reminded himself of these things to quell the temptation of calling for help. It worked for about three minutes.

A whole new wave of pain had Dick reconsidering every decision he ever made, he shouted, couldn’t help it, and realized he must look like a wounded animal curled up on the ground and making pathetic little noises.

«You need to pull himself together.» The thought popped into his head in a voice remarkably similar to Donna’s, the tone she used whenever he started losing his temper during a mission and, by extend, his focus. He might have been getting a little delirious.

“Right.” Dick huffed and crawled up to a reclined position. “Focus, right.”

Panting and trying to concentrate through the pain, Dick spread his legs and reached down to access the situation, he could feel _something_ and he knew it couldn’t be much longer now but he still wasn’t quite sure what was going on. The only thing he was certain of was that he really regretted trying to rush things in his panic earlier, he was exhausted and that was worse than the actual contractions themselves.

Another yell echoed in the cave, the sound ricocheting off the walls hauntingly and much too loud for his frayed nerves, nonetheless Dick was doing his best to concentrate- he found a rhythm to his breathing and whenever his body started to push on instinct he just rolled with it, trying to take the tension away from the rest of his body by not screwing up his face or trying to hold himself up because he needed all that tension and strength directed towards his groin.

Dick was screaming his head off when he finally felt a shift as the baby’s head made its way out, he moved back onto his knees and reached down, forced himself to swallow several long gulps of air in the precious moments before the next chainsaw level contraction shredded through him and he pushed with everything he had left for as long as he could.

Suddenly, Dick had a baby in his hands.

He shakily pulled the kid up and cradled the slippery child to his chest, it was clearly a boy but he was not crying or reacting much at all and Dick didn’t know what to do. Babies were supposed to cry, right? That’s how their lungs started working, wasn’t it?

 ** _“Come on, little guy. Just a little cry. Please?”_** The plea came out soft and raspy from his worn-out throat, the Romanes was automatic because it was what he always used to talk to the baby.

Dick cleaned the boy’s airways and tried rubbing and patting his little back, he wasn’t sure what else to do and was a second away from trying CPR when the baby finally stirred and gave the frailest little sob, gasping weakly but steadily.

Relief swelled inside him like a balloon and Dick felt his whole body going lax, head falling back as he collapsed on the stone floor to catch his breath and his eyes closed, he held the wet messy baby to his chest very carefully despite the fatigue, made sure to keep rubbing little circles into the kid’s back with his thumb.

After a few minutes, when his breathing had steadied, Dick forced himself to move again, sitting against the coarse uncomfortable rock of the wall. Imani’s dagger was nearby and he grabbed it to cut the cord, he wasn’t sure how close he was supposed to cut, was terrified that the might do it wrong, was there even a way to do it wrong? How was he supposed to tend to it after it was cut? Dick realized he was overthinking again and just went with his gut, cutting quickly before he could hesitate and wrapping the baby in his tunic.

Despite how dim it was even with the flashlight, Dick allowed himself to look at the kid and really _see_ him for the first time- he was tiny, could fit entirely in Dick’s palms and couldn’t weigh more two and half pounds, his skin was dark and deeply flushed, he had the faintest bit of wispy black hair on his head, in the low light Dick could quite make out the vivid color of the half-lidded eyes but he could clearly see a little button nose, a pouty mouth and brows that were already scrunched in a way that was all Bruce.

Dick’s heart throbbed and swelled in his chest, his ribs felt too tight and his eyes stung, for a moment he forgot about how tired he was and how everything hurt, he truly didn’t understand what he was feeling except that it was _so much_ and he was drowning in it, found himself sobbing his eyes out from the sheer hurricane of emotion thrashing through his veins, heating his nerves and soaking into his soul.

The sobbing and hiccupping got so bad that Dick didn’t even register the weight shifting in his belly until a sudden stab had him jolting and gasping.

He held onto the baby with one hand and pressed the other to his still swollen abdomen, something felt off but he tried to reason that his body was probably just trying to push out whatever else came with the cord, he had never realized that there was more to childbirth after the actual baby was out but now that he was going through it, it seemed obvious.

Except that after a several minutes it became clear that it was not normal at all, the pain was ramping up all over again and so was the urge to push.

“Two…? No, please not again…” Dick begged every deity he had ever heard of but the pain kept rolling in, faster than before like an avalanche threatening to crush him.

Luckily, Dick enough clarity to set the first baby down safely before he started to squirm and thrash again, the child whimpered and hiccupped but he couldn’t deal with that right at that moment, not when a whole new set of contractions had him clawing at the ground and screaming into the echoing air of the cave.

Dick was all out of energy but a new surge of adrenaline and terror kept him going, he also had the advantage of having learned from the first baby, knew now how to time his breathing and when to bear down; still, it took so long to go through the whole torture for a second time that he was afraid he would black out all over again.

The sun must have started to rise at some point because there was light slowly filtering through the cracks of the cave, which was good because the flashlight was running out of battery and dimming rapidly, Dick didn’t really notice, he was too busy fighting to stay conscious and making a herculean effort to push yet another kid into the world.

Something was wrong, he noticed it halfway through the whole process but by then the baby’s head was already out and he was too focused on pushing out the rest to really think about what was off. When it was over and Dick was holding another baby boy in his hands, all he wanted was to pass out but he couldn’t because he could finally see what had gone wrong- the second umbilical cord had been snagged tight around the child’s neck the whole time and even after he got it off the kid wouldn’t cry or breathe or even react, his little lips were blue and his tiny body limp.

“No… no, no, no!” Dick set the kid down very carefully and tilted the baby’s head back gently, he silently thanked Alfred for teaching him child CPR as he delivered a couple of rescue breaths and then placed two fingers on the baby’s chest and started little compressions.

It wasn’t working and with every failed rescue breath Dick felt his own chest caving, like his ribs were suddenly shattering and splintering in his lungs, he was shaking all over and distantly aware that tears were rolling freely down his face as he continued his frantic efforts.

To make matters worse the first baby went from weak little cries to shaky gasps and was losing color rapidly, Dick pulled that child closer but wasn’t sure if he should pause and tend to him or keep focusing on the unresponsive baby first. He was overwhelmed, didn’t have enough limbs to handle both children or enough knowledge to save them, his ignorance was going to be the death of them.

Despite his panic Dick suddenly had a moment of stone-cold clarity.

He reached for the commlink, turned it on with zero hesitation and went right back to CPR. **“Anyone there? Please? I need to speak to Talia.”** Dick’s voice came out raspy and dry but louder and more frantic than intended. “Talia? Talia, answer me!”

There was a long crackle as Dick paused to deliver another rescue breath, he was about to start calling again but then heard a chilly silky voice that he knew well. “Well, well, Richard. I must say I did not expect to hear from you again.”

“Talia, I need help.”

“Is that so?” Talia sounded bitter and ice cold but vaguely curious.

“I went into labor. I messed up.” Dick felt the words stumble and hiccup out of him as he sobbed and began to beg in a frantic ramble, never once pausing the CPR. “Please, Talia, I’m sorry I ran, I surrender, just please, _please_ , save the babies. I’ll do anything you want, _ANYTHING_. Please, help. _Please_.”

A small shatteringly silent pause that had Dick’s heart dropping and then- “…Keep the communicator on, we will track it right away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick goes into labor between 28 and 29 weeks, it’s late September. Premature babies at this point can survive on their own but often need help due to complications like weak lungs, anemia, heart atrophy and so on.
> 
> If you’re wondering why I gave Dick twins- I think it’s obvious by now that one is Damian, the other is Heretic.
> 
> Scroafă- Romanes for “sow”, used the same way as bitch.


	10. Baptized in Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is faced with tough decisions that aren't actually tough at all. Also Lazarus Pit. And babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an actual canon scene adapted and slipped into this chapter. 
> 
> As usual, **bold dialog** is Arabic.

Dick lay in a surprisingly large, plush and comfortable bed with fluffy down pillows and sheets that smelled like sunshine, there was incense burning somewhere nearby and a slight breeze from an air conditioning stirred the ruby and faded green drapes over bed ever so slightly, like Robin ghosts whispering around him.

It was all surprisingly comfortable and he was almost sure this wasn’t the Egyptian compound anymore but all he could do was stare blankly at an arched canopy of crimson curtains.

Bandages covered a nasty electrical burn on his throat, the collar gone for now, his whole body ached with a soreness so deep he wondered how his muscles hadn’t just turned to mush but at least he felt and smelled clean in a way he thought he was never going to be again (he had no idea who washed him but he was grateful for it); there was an IV stand with fluids and a nearly empty blood pack next to the bed and connected to Dick’s arm, he found himself wondering why they bothered with all that when, for all intents and purposes, Talia should want him dead (why hadn’t she just killed him the moment she found him?).

After calling for help, Dick had kept trying to resuscitate the baby for almost an hour while trying desperately to keep the firstborn alive too, he’d been so frantic that he didn’t even realize he was bleeding profusely with a growing puddle of deep dark scarlet sluggishly growing and spreading around the cave. It all seemed so helpless but then the deafening sound of a helicopter heralded Talia’s arrival.

They found him quickly and the people Talia brought with her must have been medics because they assessed the situation in seconds and took the children before he could even open his mouth to say anything. After that his memory got muggy- between blood loss and being sedated with a needle to the neck he only had a few flashes of memory.

Dick remembered ninjas clearing out the cave and setting it alight, he assumed they were eliminating evidence; he remembered being loaded into the chopper, too groggy and drugged to move but trying to figure out where the children were; he remembered plenty of yelling, the booming noise of the helicopter and the feeling of hot cutting wind, so similar to the feeling of falling or flying out of a burning building (which he had done before, more than once). He couldn’t remember much after that, not until he woke up in this new room.

Fatima had been there waiting for him to awake, she couldn’t tell him anything beyond orders to calm down and rest, assurances that someone would come see him and answer his questions soon. Dick hadn’t taken that very well, some animalistic thing inside him had been triggered and he’d freaked out and been inclined to go looking for Talia and the babies himself, needing on a deep visceral level to know if they were alive. He had ripped off the IV and shoved Fatima aside, yelling and running to the door only to end up pinned down by guards and sedated again for knows how long.

So there he was just staring at nothing, too numb to even decide to move yet while he waited… And waited and waited.

Flashbacks of little limp bodies, tiny fragile weights in his arms growing colder, paling skin and raspy dying breaths kept popping up in his mind, when they did he had trouble breathing himself, his chest clenched and ached, heart sunken, cold and strangled in the cage of his ribs. Dick thought it would be easier to lose them if he wasn’t attached but maybe he had gotten a little attached, maybe the moment he saw those little faces he’d fallen in love, maybe all the pain and staggering amounts of hormones had made him weak, or _maybe_ it was just always hard.

Dick wanted to cry, wanted to let all those complicated things that built up inside him spill out once and for all, but he couldn’t, unlike some men he had never had a problem with expressing his feelings but at that moment he felt too hollow and frozen, stuck in a weird limbo of hope and terror.

A small rattle and swoop of the door opening had him turning his head slowly, hoping it wasn’t just one of the maids or guards checking on him, hoping it was finally someone with answers- for once he wasn’t disappointed because Talia was walking in in brilliant off-white dress with Imani and Fatima on her heels.

Without a second to spare, Dick got up, he pulled the IV out of his arm and stumbled up to her, he didn’t even care that his hair was a mess or that he was just in white pants and nothing else.

“I’m glad to see you on your feet, Richard.” Talia surveyed him briefly, her hazel eyes flickering along different points of his body until she was satisfied by what she saw.

The gaze made him feel self-conscious and uncomfortable because his body felt unpleasant and alien to him in a whole new way now but he had bigger things to worry about.

“Tell me they’re alive.” Dick didn’t bother with pleasantries, the only reason he didn’t grab the woman was because he didn’t want to risk antagonizing her.

“Straight to the point, I see.” She seemed pleased but in no rush to appease him.

“Talia, please.” Dick pleaded, not caring how desperate he sounded.

Talia sat on an ornate wicker chair and beckoned him to join her, he moved to her so quickly that he was almost embarrassed at how obedient he was being but he didn’t sit, he had too much nervous energy in him.

“The children live.” The alpha still seemed so pleased, so self-important, that it was a bit infuriating.

“Let me see them.” Dick wanted to sound demanding but instead he was begging and couldn’t bring himself to care. “I don’t care what you do to me, I don’t care why you’re keeping me alive now, just please let me see them once.”

“I should have you executed for running, Richard.” Talia agreed with a nod. “However, you did return on your own free will and wisely called for me to save the children.” She smiled that usual small knowing smile and raised a hand to cut him off before he could answer. “Oh, I have no illusion that you only did so because you had no other options but that does not change the outcome.”

Dick sighed, he didn’t want to talk, didn’t give a damn why he was being kept alive, he just wanted one thing. “Talia, how much more must I beg?”

“Sit, Richard. Let us talk first.” She was being pleasant, courteous in a way he wasn’t used to her being. It put him on edge.

“Fine.” He sat with a reluctant sigh. “What do you want to say?”

“What do you know about the Lazarus Pit?” Talia crossed her legs, stippling the tips of her fingers together as she regarded him.

Dick mentally reviewed what he remembered about the Pit. “I know it’s what keeps your dear old dad alive, I know it brings people back from the dead.”

“That’s oversimplifying.” Nonetheless the alpha nodded again. “The Pit has rules, ones that we don’t fully understand yet.”

“What does that even mean?” He knew he sounded impatient but he was on edge and wondering where this conversation was leading.

“The Pit can bring the dead back they do not always return whole, sometimes the mind is gone or the wounds that killed them leave permanent aftereffects, sometimes they return with abilities they should not have and without those they should. It is not an exact science.”

“What about living people?” A mix of dread and curiosity settled in his gut as Talia spoke so casually about a nature-defying force that nobody truly understood.

“Put an aged or injured person in there and they might be healed and rejuvenated but will be lost to pit madness for knows how long. As for the effects on a living healthy person, those are even more unpredictable, they could maddened or they might simply die.” For the first time in his life, Dick saw Talia waver, it was very subtle but she spoke with a measure of personal sadness and fear that he had never seen in her, it was more than a little disturbing to see that little flicker of humanity.

“Why are you telling me this?” He knew the concern and impatience in his voice were blatant now, he didn’t bother to hide them anymore.

“We had to use the Pit on the children.”

“And?” He had already figured out that was where the talk was leading but it still startled him, still distressed him.

“The firstborn was alive but his lungs and heart were giving out, the Pit healed him. He seems strong, he will survive well on his own.” Talia sounded… proud? It quickly faded back into something clinical when she continued. “The second child was likely stillborn, we had no idea if the Pit could bring back someone that was never truly alive on their own.”

“And? What happened?” Dick could feel his nails cutting into his palms but didn’t remember clenching his fists, his whole body was tense and pulled as taut as a bowstring.

“He is physically alive but not overly responsive, we will not know the full extent of the Pit’s influence until he is older.” Talia inclined her head as if she was considering her own words and not entirely happy with the conclusion.

“But they’re both alive?” The tension in Dick’s body intensified as hope burned through him, setting his veins alight.

“Yes.”

“Then let me see them.” He begged again, more demanding this time, and did reach out this time, grabbing Talia’s shoulders as if he could shake her into complying.

“We must establish some rules first.” The alpha plucked his hand off her.

“What rules?” Dick bit back his on whiny tone, why was she dragging this out?

“I am willing to let you live, Richard. I am even willing to let you tend to the children.” Talia spoke as if she was being immensely benevolent.

“You are?” Dick was suspicious and more than a little surprised. What exactly was this woman up to?

“I am. You share their blood type and compatible marrow, you can be useful. And they need a proper nursemaid, one with a personal stake in keeping them safe.” Of course Talia knew had taken all those details into account, of course she considered Dick’s value as spare parts and bodyguard duty, she was nothing if not utilitarian.

“In exchange for what?” Dick didn’t really care, he’d do it no matter what because there was no way he would leave innocent children in Talia’s hands to be used as pawns, specially not _his_ children, but he was suspicious of her intentions anyway.

“You were trained by the detective, you will pass on those skills.” It wasn’t really an order per se, she said it as if it was already established.

“So I get to… _raise_ them if I train them?” He was cautious, it felt too good to be true and at the same time a little frightening.

He wasn’t thinking about escaping, not anymore, so the idea of staying indefinitely and teaching children skills that the League could pervert and use for their own purposes, maybe even use against Batman himself… It was unnerving, Bruce’s training and values being twisted that way just didn’t feel right.

Dick was torn but his instincts screamed that the kids were the priority, that he shouldn’t be worrying about anything that far ahead.

He was going to do it.

“They will have the best tutors and trainers eventually but until then you will lay the foundations and keep them alive.” Talia was paying close attention to him and the emotions mirrored in his face.

“And you’d trust me to do that?” Dick was skeptical, why would they give him that much influence over their heirs?

“Would you rather I eliminate you?” The question was blunt but not threatening, she acted as if killing him would be like flicking lint off her dress- unimportant, something to be done without a spare thought.

“No.” Dick sighed again, his impatience briefly forgotten in the wake of all the new information. “Let me guess, I can’t ever tell them I’m their real parent?”

“Whatever you tell them they will still know who their true mother and father are and that is all that will matter. However, if you try to promote any rebellion they will be the ones to suffer for it. I am sure you do not want that.” Talia made it clear that she was not to be taken lightly, staring him down sternly. “Of course, you will still have restrictions and rules to follow, you will still have to work with the League.”

“I… I have to work for the League of Assassins?” He had known that on some level but actually hearing the words was a bit of a slap in the face.

“Is that a problem?”

Dick thought about it- was it a problem? Yes, it was, he didn’t want anything to do with a genocidal (eco)terrorist organization. But was that enough to make him say no? No, he had already established that the kids were the priority. “…No.”

“Then it is settled.” Talia clapped her hands once, smiling at his answer.

“Can I see them now?” Dick couldn’t wait anymore, he had already surrendered everything he had, now he just wanted to see the babies.

Talia replied by standing and motioning for him to follow as she walked out the door, Dick didn’t argue and fell into step behind her, flanked by the two silent maids that he vaguely waved at without thinking.

He was full of nervous energy as he took in his surroundings- it was definitely a different compound and Dick was guessing this was the Khadym headquarters, the room he’d been in had no windows but Talia led him through a corridor with large sprawling ones and what he saw beyond them made him stop on his tracks.

Dick expected more desert, a large militaristic compound in the middle of rock and sand, but instead he was met with a view that was simply…Beautiful. Dangerous.

It was a city, the part that he could see seemed enclosed by rocky walls. The lovely old-fashioned Arabian architecture meshed seamlessly with the advanced tech that appeared to keep everything running flawlessly, copper accents shined all over the place and there seemed to be a running snake theme.

There were traditional looking shops and buildings with smart glass windows and solar panels, outdoor markets that seemed to sell humble things like food in one spot and then high tech weaponry right across, high turrets with flying guards perched on them, distant buildings in the edges of the town similar to the Egypt compound which told Dick they were training facilities; despite the level of technology, somehow everything also seemed so green too, not a speck of pollution anywhere, waterfalls somewhere far in the distance and luscious greenery everywhere with hanging gardens and exotic animals.

There were people all over the place but none of them looked friendly- all manner, race and creed of soldiers, warriors and assassins walked about, human and meta-human alike, with the League’s ninjas abundantly peppered about. Like some holy mecca of mercenaries.

From what Dick could see they were currently in the tallest and largest building of the whole city and in front of it was the biggest statue he had ever seen, he couldn’t tell who the statue depicted (he could guess though) but the colossal construction seemed made to look like it was holding the sun… No, a more careful look revealed that it really _did_ hold up a giant shimmering ball of artificial sunlight and the sky wasn’t a sky at all.

“Welcome to ‘Eth Alth’Eban.” Talia said next to him, she had stopped to allow him to take everything in. “You should be honored, not many outsiders are allowed in and survive.”

It was lovely but clearly this was a place Dick couldn’t escape from, not without inside help- it was just another beautiful _cage_.

Dick turned away from the widow, trying not to look perturbed and gave Talia a cool glare. “Are you we going to see the children or not?”

Talia cocked a brow at him in amusement but nodded curtly. “Certainly.”

They headed down to one of the palace’s sub-levels, it wasn’t so much a med bay as it was an advanced lab but Dick didn’t bother to take in the details of the equipment or the workers around, his vision tunneled towards the two small transparent basinets in a corner of the lab surrounded by ninjas. He rushed forward, literally leap-frogging over the guards (not the best idea in his current weakened state but he didn’t give a damn) and leaning over the two children to take in every detail.

Both babies were currently naked in the heated cribs and hooked up to monitors with the mechanical wireless dots pasted to their chests and temples. They both looked healthier than he remembered- still absurdly small but their olive skin was pleasantly flushed and their heartbeats on the monitors both felt steady and strong.

The boys were identical, sporting the same wisps of black hair, the same Grayson pout, the same Wayne brows, the same cute plump cheeks and button noses; and yet Dick could tell them apart with ease by their scent- they both still smelled entirely like Dick with a faint but jarring layer of the Pit’s musty acidic scent, no average person would be able to recognize more than that but Dick could feel the soft little notes of something like charcoal in the first boy and something harder to decipher (almost like a spice) in the younger one.

The firstborn was awake and curious, looking around and fussing, the other child was rather still, looking lethargic with glassy half-lidded eyes. Those eyes were another difference the twins had- the eldest had eyes that looked like Bruce’s pale blue but instead of the tiny gold flecks that Dick loved in Bruce’s eyes, this baby had unnaturally green specks in his irises, the youngest had eyes of a jewel green so vivid it was almost toxic. Dick would bet his entire trust fund that all that green was the Pit’s fault.

“Can I…?” He started to ask if he could hold one of them and then frowned at himself because, damn it, these were _his_ kids, he didn’t need anyone’s goddamn permission.

All the annoyance at his own slip up faded as soon as Dick reached for the fussing boy and held him close, carefully cradling his little head and leaning to nuzzle and scent the child, bumping his nose under the baby’s chin on instinct and watching the kid quiet down immediately and just regard him with huge eyes as he took comfort in his parent’s familiar scent.

Without letting go of the first baby he leaned over the second, nuzzling him the exact same way- nosing under his little chin and pressing his cheek to child’s warm smooth skin. The baby didn’t react much beyond tilting his head slightly and sniffling, it was worrisome and to an outsider the boy seemed uninterested and apathetic but Dick could smell the slight shift in the child’s scent, the slow waft of warm pheromones that meant happiness and recognition and triggered every protective desire Dick had ever had.

Dick felt something bloom in him, something he had never felt before but that reminded him of his own parents for some reason- it was like an intangible force snaking through the gaps of his ribs and coiling warm and fuzzy around his heart, the eldest baby cooed and the youngest sighed and that weird feeling intensified as if that coiling force was sinking into every fiber of his being, rewriting him on a molecular level, and the soft sounds the children made only ramped up that feral protective instinct deep inside him even more.

It was like the kids were burrowing into the marrow of his bones without even trying.

So _this_ is what a parental bond was like… Not that Dick didn’t have those before but with his parents and Alfred he had always been on the other side of it and while it was an amazing (albeit vulnerable) feeling, it was never quite like this, this was unlike anything he had ever imagined, it was overwhelming and transformative and Dick felt like he was turning a whole new being.

Bruce and Dick had had their own bond when Dick was younger but it was nothing like this, it was something most biology books and psychologists hadn’t found a name for yet, it was an unspecified bond that grew and changed as time passed- nothing as solid and immutable as a parental bond, nothing as devouring and completing as mating bond (that would have been weird when he was so young), but also not quite like a platonic pack bond either- it was something pure and complicated and everchanging, something philosophers had a name for but Dick had never said out loud because Bruce didn’t believe in things like “soulmates”.

The bond with Bruce was the closest to what Dick was feeling with the twins and yet still not even close, now right at that moment.

He wondered if Bruce felt the same thing when he bonded with Jason, if he did then Dick had a new insight on those two all of a sudden and why Bruce had always been so much more insanely overprotective of Jason than he’d ever been of Dick.

“Father was pleased with him too.” Talia interrupted his little moment, indicating the child Dick was holding in his arms, the fussy firstborn that Dick was trying to soothe with little touches.

“Ra’s is here?” He didn’t know why he was surprised but the idea of the Demon’s Head anywhere near his kids had Dick’s hackles raising.

“Of course. He had to meet his grandchildren.” Talia sounded dismissive, Dick didn’t like it.

“Did he though?” The snide sarcasm bled out of him in a way that would have made Alfred proud.

“He has chosen Hafid for his heir.” She caressed the fuzzy hair of the firstborn and Dick instinctively held him tighter.

“Wait, you _named_ them?” Dick growled low in his throat, barely aware that he was trying to shield both kids with his body.

“Father did. Hafid and Aayiz.” She waved at each child in turn as she named them.

“No. Nuh-uh.” He growled further, shaking his head and rejecting the whole idea completely. “Fuck you, Talia, you have no right to name them.”

“I am their mother.” She pointed out sternly.

Dick hesitated for just a second, he wanted so badly to argue that _no, she wasn’t_ , but figured it would be easier to get what he wanted if he played her game. “…You wouldn’t be if not for me.”

The alpha regarded him pensively and seemed to consider his words. “I suppose they might need western names as well. You may choose those if you wish.”

“John and Thomas.” He didn’t even hesitate. It’s not that he really wanted his children named after dead grandparents but it held emotional meaning and if Bruce ever met them without Dick, he’d know who they are, he’d know _whose_ they are.

“No, no ancestors.” Talia shot him down at once.

“Damn you, Talia.” The growl only intensified all over again but he was forced to tone it down when the baby in his arms reacted badly to it and started crying.

“You have a week to think about it. Make sure it is something meaningful.”

“Yeah, like Hafid isn’t just ‘grandson’.” Dick knew enough Arabic to figure that one out.

“Actually, it is written as ‘wise one’.” Talia corrected but he could tell by her tone that the double meaning wasn’t an accident.

“Right. What is Aayiz then? ‘Grandson, the second’?” He rolled his eyes, frustrated but focused on soothing the child in his arms.

“’Replacement’.”

“…Excuse me?” Dick must have heard that wrong, there’s no way they named one his sons as if he was nothing but a spare to his brother. He had to put the child he was holding down because he was simply too furious and tensing up for a fight.

“Father thought it appropriate. The second born, the weak one.” Talia spoke as if it made perfect sense to her and was trivial. “Perhaps it will serve as incentive to be better in the future.”

“Fuck you and fuck Ra’s.” He was growling again, even though it made one baby cried and the other squirm in a distressed way.

“Be careful, Richard.” She leaned in and gently picked the firstborn up, holding him almost lovingly. “Maybe you need to be reminded of your position.”

“What are you doing?” Dick tried to stop her, tried to take the kid back but she shook him off and started walking.

 **“Bring the other one.”** The alpha ordered Fatima who obeyed immediately, taking the other boy and following after Talia in a hurry. “Come, Richard.”

Talia carried the baby in her arms as if she really cared, cradling him close to her chest with a faint smile on her lips, for the tiniest fleeting second Dick actually thought it was a good look on her, she seemed to be bonding with the child herself, he almost (almost) wondered if it would be ok to let her have the children…

And then he shook himself away from that idea, he didn’t understand why he was acting so… So meek, submissive, high-strung and weary. He cursed the flood of hormones he could almost physically feel manipulating his emotions.

They walked through dark metallic underground tunnels, exposed pipes and cooling tubes snaked around them like the building’s veins, occasional pods and vats of plasma lined some areas, doors to mysterious rooms were locked with all sorts of warning symbols labelling them as dangerous. Talia led them with purpose out of the labs and to a small underground room whose purpose Dick couldn’t quite define, it looked like an old fashioned Arabian bath, big enough to be called a small lake with dark marble walls and dim lighting adding a strange air of mystery to the place.

 **“Now, my little one…”** Talia spoke softly and proud to the baby but with a hint of something dark. **“Show me you have the strength and willpower to do what is necessary.”**

And just like that, she let the baby go, gently dropping him into the water.

“No, wait!” Dick yelled, rushing to try and grab the child, he never made it to the edge of the water because Talia’s guards grabbed his suddenly and pushed him to his knees with a blade to his throat. All he could do was yell. “Are you insane?! What the hell, Talia?!”

 **“Let me see the steel in your eyes.”** Talia kept talking to the baby, completely ignoring Dick.

The child started to sink and Dick felt panic like never before rising in his blood, and then the boy held his breath automatically and swam around clumsily. Still, Dick just want to run forward and pluck him out of the water, he cursed his lack of attention, normally he would never let anyone catch him off guard enough to get a knife to his neck like this (Bruce would be disappointed; Bruce would also break the guards’ arms for laying their hands on him).

 **“Miss Talia, you are placing the baby at great risk with this nonsense**.” Imani spoke up bravely and very worried.

A second later there was sharp thin blade protruding from Imani’s throat, her niqab was snagged in the process and pulled off, exposing her shocked terrified face as she collapsed to her knees on the edge of the pool and reached for her throat, gurgling out her gasps and bleeding.

 **“Never tell a mother how to raise her child.”** Talia admonished curtly and coolly.

“NO!” Dick’s mind caught up with what he had just witnessed a second too late and he struggled against the captors that just held him more firmly, the blade biting into in skin until blood beaded and stained the bandage.

Talia walked up to a dying Imani and watched the maid collapse halfway into the water. **“I know you let him escape, Imani. Did you think you would get away with such betrayal?”**

“Talia!” Dick yelled, he wasn’t sure what he hoped to achieve but between his outrage at the kill and his panic at the submerged baby all that came out was the alpha’s name.

Talia turned her back at the now dead maid whose blood was tinting the water with a cloud of red that had already engulfed the baby, her wide terrified eyes staring at nothing as the little boy swam right in front of her only to be picked up by Talia.

 **“Welcome to our world, Hafid.”** The alpha raised the boy high and smiled.

“You’re insane!” Dick yelled, still struggling, still shocked down to his core at the sight of his son drenched in the blood of the woman who had helped him, who had died for daring to help him.

“In this world it is eat or be eaten, Richard. The faster my heir learns this the better.” Talia finally rounded on him, still holding the baby to her breast and speaking with a cold passion that gave him chills. “The faster _you_ get used to our way of life the better.”

“She was loyal to you!” Dick couldn’t stop shouting, he was shaking with all the intense emotions warring inside him- fury, outrage, panic, guilt.

“And yet more loyal to you, it seems.” She bent down enough to meet his eye and reached out to wipe a bead of blood from his neck. “Someone had to pay for your mistake, Richard. Perhaps now that lesson will sink in once and for all… Unless you want me to test the other child’s will to live too?”

“No! No, please…” Dick startled at that, his voice stuttering with sudden dread, he saw Fatima holding the other baby protectively to her chest but by the horrified look in her eyes he knew she wouldn’t hesitate to obey Talia’s orders and he doubted the other baby had enough fight in him to swim. “I said I’d do whatever you wanted, I meant that.”

“Good.” Talia was pleased, she pat his cheek condescendingly and straightened to face Fatima. **“You. Get me another nursemaid for my children. An obedient one this time.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- Dick names the babies and actually puts some thought into it! He also learns some rules and gets little to no sleep.
> 
> Remember, comments are what keeps me going in this cold harsh existence, they inspire me and motivate me to write faster. I love to hear all your thoughts so please drop a comment!


	11. The Importance Of Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babies are hard. Dick names the twins. Talia is amused. Dick and the boys have a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual **bold text** is Arabic and **_bold and italic_** is Romanes.
> 
> I'd like to point out that none of this story is beta'ed or properly proofread but the peeps on the "Batfam And Co" and "Brudick Shippers" chats on tumblr do let me bounce around ideas for this AU so lots of love to them!
> 
> Oh, and feel free to send me little prompts for this universe, if they fit I might work them in or add them the side story I'm making (just a collection of little ficlets for the AU).

A week had passed since Imani had died and Dick still wasn’t over it.

The children kept Dick distracted but that first night he had curled up in the giant bed and broken down, crying and struggling to breathe and not start screaming and breaking things, lest he frighten the twins.

He had almost gotten used to Talia’s mildly threatening ways, almost become accustomed to the idea of being under her thumb, almost convinced himself that she was at least better than Ra’s… And then she tossed his newborn son into the bloody water and told him to sink or swim while she murdered a friend, and all that after naming his other child a backup.

Thankfully (though a therapist would probably disagree) Dick was used to stress, he knew enough about trauma that he knew how to compartmentalize his feelings, so he did his best to bottle up his shock and grief and redirected all his attention onto the babies.

That first day that he had with the children in his new room had been eventful, he knew nothing about taking care of one baby much less two, and despite his best efforts he was too emotionally compromised to think straight. Luckily, Fatima was there to help.

The beta was clearly as upset and shaky as he was but she was still trying to take in everything that had happened and they mutually agreed to put their feelings on hold for the moment and focus on the children.

And thus the process of getting to know the twins began.

The older boy was, for lack of a better word, _loud_ but at least he was eager- he wailed a lot at any slight discomfort (including strange scents, bright lights or loud noises), he liked having attention and even though it took some learning eventually he fed as if he was on the verge of starving, latching on so hard that Dick winced just _thinking_ about the day the kid started sprouting teeth, he was also very curious and alert.

The younger twin, on the other hand, presented some challenges- he never really cried or wailed, but he squirmed and fussed unhappily so Dick had to pay close attention to the little signs and scent shifts, he didn’t interact, wasn’t very enthusiastic about feeding either and usually took a concerning amount of time to latch on. To be honest sometimes Dick woke up in the middle of the night just to check if the kid was still breathing because that’s how quiet he was.

Those first few days were a hell of a learning experience, and not just concerning who the twins were as people but all the mechanics revolving around parenting newborns. It was so much harder than Dick had assumed.

Everyone knew that new parents didn’t get much sleep because babies required attention every couple of hours, but he had always assumed that beyond that it wouldn’t be overly difficult, after all what could newborns do beyond eating, sleeping and pooping?

It became clear very quickly that he had severely underestimated the amount of stimuli and attention babies needed, how hard it was to actually get one to sleep, much less both at once, how difficult it was to juggle their needs and his own when they needed constant surveillance because stiff breeze could hurt them.

It was exhausting, it was monotonous, sometimes it was borderline depressing.

The first thing he learned was that breastfeeding was weird as hell. All those movies and fluffy propaganda that portrayed it as magical with blissful new parents feeding and bonding with their babies in a rose colored background were _bullshit_ but they did convey one truth, it really did feel like the universe suddenly narrowed down to just the two of them.

The sensation of having a little mouth latch onto him was so surreal but the true jarring part was the freaking hormones- not two minutes in Dick could already feel himself reacting, his instincts giving him tunnel vision so that all he could focus on was the baby and all he could think of was protecting the boy and his scent did a weird thing he didn’t even know he could do where his pheromones just flooded out sharp and soft at the same time in a way they never had been before (well, at least the kids seemed to like it and other people seemed to take it as a warning to leave him alone so Dick tried not to overthink it).

Nursing was easy but it was weird and emotional, he wasn’t sure how he felt about the way his bond with the children seemed to throb and wrap around his insides like hot liquid during feeding sessions, it cracked through his emotional defenses, made him _feel_ everything threefold and he didn’t want that, not when this was hostile territory and he wanted to be sharp and guarded at all times.

Changing diapers was much easier than he had imagined, Dick had no idea why people made such a fuss about it. Sure, one baby didn’t like staying still for it and kicked a lot and the other didn’t like being jostled around for it and would fuss but it wasn’t hard and after a few days Dick got the hang of it and could do it one-handed in two minutes.

There were things he wasn’t aware were a thing though, like burping a baby- that one was a hell of an experience because after one of the first few times he fed the babies, the older one started crying shortly after and just wouldn’t stop. Dick couldn’t figure out what was going on and was on the verge of panicking when Fatima picked the kid, placed him against her shoulder and patted his little back until he burped and calmed down immediately, which in turn made Dick feel like an idiot because of how simple it was.

There were a lot of other things that Dick didn’t know about newborns and that were an adventure to learn- they cried without tears for the first several weeks, they slept eighteen hours a day, their stomachs were the size of walnuts and that’s why they had to feed so often, they could scare themselves, they liked rhythm and repetition, they didn’t actually smile for the first few weeks, and so on.

Freakiest of all was find out that premature babies did not sweat (he was so glad the new room had climate control because he would have freaked out if he found that out in the hot desert compound he was in before) and that it was normal for them to stop breathing for up to ten seconds randomly when they slept (that one had nearly given him a couple of heart attacks).

All in all the first week had been the weirdest learning experience in Dick’s life and he had had some pretty freaky training days growing up, both in the circus and with Batman.

After the first few days Dick also quickly began to learn the rules of his new reality.

The new room was all his and the children’s, the health monitors were moved into it before he even got back from Talia’s twisted little baptism show and the kids still wore the tiny inobtrusive patches that linked to the machines, the rhythmic beeping became white noise after a while.

He could go anywhere in the palace above ground, but he was not allowed in any of the sublevels where the labs and other more secretive things were kept, he was also not allowed outside but that rule was deemed temporary. This also meant that Dick had access to an immensely comprehensive library with books for every subject in multiple languages, many of which were digital but he was only allowed to use very restricted pieces of technology.

Anything with a broad communication range, internet access or connection the League mainframe was off-limits, Dick was pretty sure there was some sort of jamming technology active throughout the palace for security; to be honest he didn’t test that theory, not yet anyway, not so soon after everything that had happened.

Dick was meant to focus all his attention on the children for the time being, eventually he was meant to stating training again and working with the League but for the time being Ra’s heirs were the priority (or so Dick was told).

It took only a few hours to find all these boundaries and after that Dick just hauled an armful of books back to the room and started doing some research on babies, but mostly on names.

There was no way he was going to let Talia get away with naming his children and he knew that he had to choose names that she approved of but, damn it, he was determined to pick ones that would be a slap against everything Talia stood for, names that would express his feelings for the children and not Talia’s.

He started researching name meanings, specifically in western names that could still connect to his own origins. The Roma didn’t have culturally specific names, they were nomadic folk who adopted names from the cultures they settled in (such as the Graysons in North America and his mother’s Lloyd’s and their European roots), but their origin lay in northern India before forming their own ethnic branch in eastern Europe so he looked at India for inspiration.

He began by looking for something that would completely counter the bullshit ‘Replacement’ that Ra’s had chosen for his youngest child. He only paused his searches to feed said kid and then unfortunately the other baby started crying and he had to feed that one too so he learned how to hold a kid to his chest and juggle a book at the same time (he figure that sort of skill could come in handy in the future).

When he drew a blank and couldn’t pick anything that felt right _and_ would appeal to Talia, he shifted to searching for names of historical figures at Fatima’s suggestion and, suddenly, he had a lightbulb moment.

The day Dick got his babies back he’d lost track of what day it was, Fatima informed him that it was September 29th and that he’d been mostly sedated and away from the twins for three days, which meant they were born on the 26th.

At first Dick had been so focused on the significant and mildly creepy fact that they were born on the eve of the day Bruce’s parents died (a day Batman honored every year) that he had missed other connections, those connections reared their head when he started researching historical figures of the Middle-East and Southern Europe and stumbled on something that brought back memories of his mom and her Catholic stories when he was little.

He found what he wanted in book about religious figures, saints and martyrs mostly, then crossed referenced that information with name etymology and history. It all fell into place so perfectly that Dick wondered if Fate was really a thing.

He had made up his mind and Talia wasn’t going to be able to shut him down.

As promised, exactly on the one week mark, she showed up.

Talia looked as regal as ever with her sea green ensemble, even with her midriff bared and her legs exposed by the slit in her skirt when she walked she still looked impeccable and imposing, heavy golden jewelry adorned her wrists, neck and her head and her usual scimitar hung at her waist.

“Good morning, Richard.” The alpha greeted almost cheerfully. “How are my children today?”

“Fine.” Dick muttered, he was holding a sleeping boy to his chest and didn’t want to wake him because neither twin had slept much the night before, he was exhausted but made sure to maintain eye contact with the alpha.

“I hear you’ve been struggling to adapt, I have come with something that might lighten your burden.” She waved at the door, it was closed now but Dick had noticed she had arrived with people.

“What are you talking about?” He grumbled moodily.

“Samir and Naima. New nursemaids.”

“I don’t need any help _nursing_ , thank you very much.” Dick rolled his eyes, he was possessive of the babies and didn’t want to share, was still getting used to the idea of sharing them with Talia at all.

“Perhaps not but my children deserve the best caretakers.”

“No, Fatima is enough.” He glanced at the woman in question, she was trying to soothe a fussy baby herself but looked up at the sound of her name.

“Fatima cannot handle two children around the clock.” Talia spoke as if the woman wasn’t even there, she was busy looking critically around the messy room (they were too tired to pick after themselves, ok?).

Dick knew this wasn’t a fight he was going to win and Fatima was almost as burned out as he was even if she wasn’t around at night when he was the most overwhelmed. He also didn’t want to argue with Talia, he needed her in a good mood.

He sighed. “…Ok, let them come but they don’t touch the kids unless I say so. You put me in charge of their safety and I’m not going to just blindly trust the first person you shove their way.”

“I must say, I am impressed by your zeal.” Talia smiled openly and full of approval. Too many smiles, it was making him uncomfortable.

“What are you really here for, Talia?” Dick finally managed to put the baby down and covered him with a little blanket.

“To see them, of course.” The alpha waved at both children.

“You’ve seen them.” He said with the finality of someone kicking out an unwanted guest.

“My, such foul mood. This is hardly like you, Richard.” Talia teased as she approached Fatima.

“I’m too sleep deprived for jokes.” Not a lie, though the real truth was that he wanted her as far away from the kids as possible, his instincts screamed not to let the alpha close, that she smelled wrong and that only pack should be close.

“All the more reason to accept the help I brought you.” Talia gently plucked the baby from Fatima’s arms and lifted him with a smile. “Hello, Hafid, my little love.”

“Damian.” Dick corrected.

“Excuse me?” She looked curious as she cooed at the baby.

“His name is Damian.”

“Is that what you have chosen? What about Aayiz?” Talia settle on the edge of the bed with the baby in her lap and spoke without looking at Dick.

“Cosmo.”

“Like the anargyroi? The unmercenaries?” Talia did look at him that time, amusement and mirth in her tone and expression.

“Yes.” Dick nodded, tensing for an argument.

“I did not peg you as religious, Richard.” She went back to cooing at the baby, tracing his little cheeks and letting the boy grab at her bracelets.

“I’m not.” He shrugged.

“Then why these names?”

“Saints Damian and Cosmo were twins born in Arabia despite being Christian, their designated holiday is September 26th.” They were the patron saints of doctors and if that wasn’t the opposite of assassins then Dick didn’t know what was but he wasn’t going to say that part out loud.

“Yes, the coincidences are uncanny but that hardly justifies the choice. They were martyrs, I want to raise survivors.” Talia dismissed with a vague shake of her head, still focused on the child.

“They stuck so firmly to their beliefs and mission that they were drowned, burned, crucified, stoned and shot with arrows and yet survived it all, it took finally being beheaded to take them down and despite all that torture they still refused to recant. I don’t know about you but I’d call that strength, and I’m sure you can appreciate that level of conviction.” Dick countered carefully.

“Perhaps.” Talia mulled it over and pet the baby’s sparse fluffy hair with a pensive look on her face. “Damian… Greek, like the great heroes and demigods, ‘to tame’ is rather appropriate name for the one that shall seize power and subdue the unruly humanity in the name of the Al Ghul.”

“I guess so.” Dick bit back a smile, his logic had been more along the lines of taming monsters like the League of Assassins themselves and he was looking more at the Oriya origin of the name than the Greek but he could appreciate the irony that Talia wasn’t aware of the other meaning of Damian in Greek- ‘sweet and harmless’.

“As for Cosmo…” Talia glanced at the sleeping baby with a skeptical smile. “A little ambitious to call him ‘the universe’, is it not?”

“You may want to use negative reinforcement as incentive, I would rather give him something to strive for.” Dick liked the name exactly due to how grand it was.

The boy may be nothing more than a backup plan for Talia but now he and Damian were _Dick’s_ whole universe. It also didn’t hurt that the name had Indian origins too where it meant ‘harmonious’, something quite opposite to the violence of the League.

Talia laughed, actually _laughed_ pleasantly and gracefully, her beautiful self morphing with joy - the corners of berry colored lips tilting upwards charmingly, hypnotic hazel eyes crinkling playfully framed by black kajal and long sultry lashes, the light catching her necklace and glimmering around her flawless throat, the many heavy golden bracelets clinked as she moved with her chuckles. It made her look so lovely that for a minute Dick could understand how Bruce had once been in love with this woman.

“I truly underestimated your wit, Richard.” Talia leaned over Damian and nuzzled his cheek and under his chin, scenting him in a way that made Dick grind his teeth. “Very well, the children shall be known to the world as Damian and Cosmo.”

“…Thank you.” He expressed gratitude purely because he wanted to stay on the alpha’s good side lest she change her mind, but he didn’t like the way she was fawning all over Damian.

Nonetheless, Dick felt exhilarated even with such a small victory, which said a lot about his state of mind in his current captivity. His rebellion wasn’t done yet though.

While he was researching the saints Dick had had heard Fatima using strange little terms of endearment for the children in Arabic, the beta liked the twins so much that she called them ‘my eye’, this led to Dick learning that vital organs and body parts were considered common endearments and not just the obvious ones like ‘my heart’. Suddenly a single Arabic lesson burned in his memory.

Talia and Ra’s had claimed Damian as their heir but Dick would claim him as his blood. **Dami** , ‘my blood’, just a loving shortening of the name as far as Talia was concerned but also a powerful endearment that only Dick had earned, a little act of rebellion and a slap in the face, sparked from Talia’s own culture.

“So, are you ready to meet the new nursemaids?” Talia asked after several moments of silence where she simply directed all her attention at the baby.

*

Damian was crying.

He hadn’t stopped crying since Talia left that evening and it was upsetting Cosmo too, Dick was almost sure he was a hairsbreadth away from hearing the younger twin truly wailing for the first time.

After introducing Dick to the new caretakers, Talia had insisted on spending the day with the twins.

This led to Dick having to follow the alpha around the compound because she wouldn’t let go of Damian as she went about her day. It was frustrating and not just because she was getting her scent all over the boy and acting possessive, no, the bigger issue was that she fawned over Damian and ignored Cosmo entirely (not that the latter cared but Dick did).

To add to his annoyance they were being followed- Naima was a tight-lipped thirty-something beta woman in a black hijab, and Samir was a smiling twenty-something man and the first omega Dick came across in the League of Assassins other than Sensei (at least he that’s what he _thought_ , he wasn’t very sure of anything anymore). The two trailed after him most of the day but kept their distance because of Dick’s glares.

It also didn’t help that Talia wouldn’t let him leave her side when either of the boys needed to feed, forcing him to expose himself in front of her, she even insisted on having Dick next to her at meals and when he tried to leave anyway (regardless of all the servants and soldiers watching) she did the one thing he hated most- she used her alpha voice on him.

He’d never heard Talia use an alpha command, never felt the effects of that stern husky growl of hers because she never needed to use it and that appeared to be a point of pride for her but she showed no qualms in very publicly applying it to Dick and despite how much Bruce had trained to resist it (had drilled the lesson into him until it was second nature), Dick gave in.

He sat obediently next to her with his head bowed and his neck exposed, shielding Cosmo against his chest.

It had never been so hard to fight a command before and he didn’t know why, he usually had no problem shutting down his instincts and telling cocky alphas to suck it but this time he didn’t even think to fight it. Dick didn’t know if it was because he was a hormonal wreck around the twins or if he had just grown weaker or if Talia was just that strong, he had no idea and it terrified (and angered) him how easily he submitted.

By the time he finally managed take both kids and get the hell away from Talia, she seemed entirely too satisfied and said she’d see him the following week. The only positive thing of the day was that they hadn’t come across Ra’s, Dick didn’t want to have to handle another toxic alpha lording over his babies.

Now it was late and Dick just wanted to pass out but Damian wouldn’t stop crying.

 ** _“Please don’t tell me you actually like her, Dami.”_** He sighed, the boy still had Talia’s smell layered all over him but the more it faded the more he yelled.

The last thing Dick needed was for either baby to bond with Talia but he supposed it would make sense if she was only alpha they were exposed to, it would be easy for them to mistake her for a parent if there was no other presence to contest it. Maybe that was her plan from the start.

Damian just wailed louder, hiccupping and gasping on his own cries, and as Dick had predicted Cosmo started screaming and kicking too. Dick actually had to pause and stare because it was the first time he saw the youngest being so loud and responsive, he should have been panicked by this but it was actually a relief to know the kid _could_ in fact react so strongly, he didn’t want to say it but he’d been worried.

Dick gave up trying to pace the room with Damian in his arms, instead he settled back on the bed and gently maneuvered both babies onto his chest, they weren’t happy about it but calmed just a little bit once they were cuddled to his warmth and scent with his heartbeat against under their heads, it didn’t stop them from crying but they didn’t squirm as much.

 ** _“Please, guys. Daddy needs to sleep.”_** Dick pleaded but they boys didn’t care.

If he had accepted the new nursemaids they would have probably taken over and he could have slept properly but he didn’t trust them and for now nighttime was _his_ , they could pry his alone time with the twins out of his cold dead hands.

What the hell was he supposed to do tough? Dick had had the twins for a week, he didn’t know what to do when something new happened! Sure, he had learned all the technical bits about childcare rather quickly but those were physical needs, basics, he didn’t know how to handle anything more complex than that and the more the kids developed personalities of their own the more he realized how wildly out of his depth he was.

What would Alfred do? What would his mom do? Either one of them would have known exactly how to handle this situation but they weren’t there, one of them never would be and the other… Dick didn’t want to think about the possibility that he might never get away from the League, that he might never see Alfred again…

That thought escalated into the idea that he might never see Bruce again either, might never get to see that grumpy face in the morning or snuggle to him at night or race through rooftops with him, he might never get to comfort him after a bad day or make him smile when all the darkness of Gotham starts to choke the Bat, he might never get to hear Bruce’s voice again or feel his embrace or watch him hold the their kids…

Suddenly Dick was crying, he could help it, it was all too much and crashing down on him out of the blue, he was too tired to fight it and there was nobody there to keep up appearances for. Little breakdowns were becoming a regular thing now, he was glad that he could still feel enough to cry and he wasn’t ashamed of it but he hated crying, he had always hated tears because they made him feel exposed.

The twins startled at the sound of his sobs, both of them (even Cosmo) were alarmed and started screeching louder, their scents distressed and spiking, weirdly enough their fear made the acidic undertones of Lazarus Pit jump out more strongly.

 ** _“Sorry, sorry!”_** Dick apologized pointlessly, trying to scrub off his tears with one hand while securing both babies with the other. He was still crying but trying hard to regain some amount of calm. **_“Shh. Everything is ok, daddy’s fine.”_**

Obviously the boys didn’t believe him and Dick started to panic again, he tried to pat their little backs softly and rhythmically, whispering little reassurances but nothing seemed to be helping. What could he do? What calmed him when he was that small?

 _“Once I was happy but now I’m forlorn, like an old coat that is tattered and torn…”_ Dick started to sing slowly and shaky, tentatively watching the boys’ reaction.

The twins didn’t seem to care at first but after a couple more lines they started to quiet slowly, Damian’s big eyes focused on Dick still looking pouty and red faced and Cosmo hiccupped softly.

Dick was still singing, slowing the tempo into a lullaby like his mom had done for him. By the time he reached the chorus of the song Cosmo was relaxing and closing his eyes and Damian was just staring in fascination with huge blue gaze.

 _“He flies through the air with the greatest of ease, the daring young man on the flying trapeze…”_ Dick smiled softly, his tears drying up, the song always made him feel better and seemed to work on the boys too. _“His movements were graceful, all girls he could please, and my love was stolen away…”_

He didn’t stop singing, Cosmo fell asleep and Damian went from pouting to just staring drowsily and leaning on his brother, their little breaths moving in time with Dick’s heartbeat. They were quiet and content and he felt so relieved that he could have melted right into the bed if he wasn’t so busy rubbing the boys’ backs.

In that last week Dick had had many new feelings about the babies, some positive and some less so, but it was small moments like these that brought back what he felt when he saw them in the lab, that made his heart swell and fill all the gaps between his organs with fuzzy warmth.

He was kind of ashamed at how clinically he had approached a lot of the week and at the brief moments were he failed to feel much connection to children beyond the inherent worry that something might be wrong with them and it was all his fault.

He loved them (oh god, did he _love_ them), they were a little part of him with a whole lot of Bruce shining through, how could he not love them?

But loving them didn’t mean he always felt connected, didn’t mean he always felt like a true parent, and half the time Dick felt like he was losing his sense of self and hated that a corner of brain might blame the children for it.

At that moment though, just lying there singing and holding them, it felt almost right, almost, something was missing but at least he felt _natural_. It felt like the boys were a part of him and the swell of affection empowered him, it was one of the rare moments when he felt like an actual parent instead of an incubator and glorified babysitter for once.

 _“…She winked back at him and shouted ‘bravo’, as he hung by his nose up above…”_ Dick was on the second retelling of the song, murmuring drowsily more than singing, when he trailed off and watched the twins sleep on his chest. “You know, you can’t actually hang by your nose on a trapeze. You’ll see, I’ll teach you someday… You’re Flying Graysons after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is my nerdy fixation with name history and etymology showing?  
> Fun fact- Did anyone know that Lloyd is a family name that means “gray”? Dick descends from two grays! Mary Gray and John Gray Son.
> 
> I swear I didn't know September 26th was Saints Damian and Cosmas day before I wrote this, I had planned on having the twins born in September from the start because reasons but when I was researching more into the saints it all just fell into place almost by accident.
> 
> Anyway, does anyone want to see more slow development and little moments throughout Dick and the kids' lives or shall I just focus on the major plot points? I'm still going to write the slow development moments, I'm just trying to decide whether to include them or not.
> 
> Remember, comments are what keeps me going in this cold harsh existence, they inspire me and motivate me to write faster. I love to hear all your thoughts so please drop a comment!


	12. The Sassy Nanny Talks Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is unhappy about his looks. He sews. He gets to know one of the new nannies.  
> Everything is ordinary with a distinct filter of royally messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill by now. **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_**.
> 
> 5k word update in 2 days? That's what's comments get you, darlings.

Dick really, really, really hated looking in the mirror nowadays so it was a kick in the teeth that there was a large full-body one on the wall parallel to his bed, he went as far as covering it with a sheet.

Dick never had self-esteem problems, he wasn’t vain but he was comfortable with his appearance almost all his life and he knew how rare that was in the world nowadays so he was grateful that he'd always been happy with his looks even during that awkward teenage phase when he had acne and a cracked voice.

Except now his body felt like it belonged to someone else, literally and figuratively because it felt like it belonged to the babies more than to him and his skin just seemed to fit wrong over his bones.

It had been a month since he’d arrived at ‘Eth Alth’Eban and once he got used to the twins he’d started noticing how uncomfortable he felt.

There were expected things like softness and pudginess all over, the butt all his partners loved so much was three times its old size and his hips still hadn’t recovered, his stubble had finally returned but he had permanent dark circles under his eyes now and his hair was generally messy and slightly greasy because whenever he wasn’t dealing with the twins he was too tired to deal with himself.

There were also unexpected things, he really thought back pain would stop being a problem after the kids were born but it still there to nag him, sore nipples and milk stains were an embarrassing surprise and so were the frequent bouts of just flat-out crying (hormones, he blamed the hormones, it was easier than thinking too deeply about it).

The only thing Dick could stand were the stretch marks, to him they were just scars and he was used to scars, they were like trophies.

The only thing Dick wanted was to get back into a routine where he could reclaim his body and his skills, he wanted to feel like himself again even if that meant a thousand crunches a day, he wanted to be able to move like he used to, he wanted to fly and flip and have all his old bouncy energy back. Unfortunately, taking care of two very small babies meant that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Good thing none of his friends could see him right then because he was a mess. Good thing _Bruce_ couldn’t see him in the state he was in, Dick would never live that down.

He and Fatima were currently both wet, as in, they had been giving the twins a bath and Damian got a little overenthusiastic and kicked water all over them. At two months old the twins were finally at a healthy weight and that meant their little kicks packed enough punch to make a mess, it also meant no more health monitors, no more nutrient syringes and freedom to finally leave the room with the boys.

Damian liked bath time mostly because it meant attention and no diapers, Cosmo just seemed to like the water, he tended to get a lot less lethargic in it. Dick liked it because they did but that day he was so soaked he might as well shower…which now that he thought about it he hadn’t done six days.

Well, he had to look at himself eventually.

Once the kids were dry, diapered and cozy in matching green and yellow onesies, Dick left Fatima in charge and hopped into the shower.

The water was warm and the soap did its job even it was neutral and nothing fancy; he avoided lingering around, got out and toweled off, put on some underwear and mentally prepared to look in the mirror. Good thing Fatima did seem to care what he did or didn’t wear.

When he got back to the room Fatima was twirling a little mobile over the kids, Dick had made it with old training sticks, wire and pieces of fabric Fatima had gotten at his request, it featured purple bats and little robins (or as close a bird as Dick could make). Damian had started getting fascinated by the colorful shapes a week prior, Cosmo not so much.

After a fond moment watching them, Dick walked past the bed and towards the mirror, he pulled the sheet off and stared… The person staring back was a stranger with a vague approximation of his face.

Dick sighed. He traced the contours of his stomach and mourned his abs, his hands slid down to his hips following stretch marks and then up again towards his sore chest and to the fading burn mark on his neck, his skin looked a little sallow too after being cooped up in a windowless room for two months.

 **“You look very good for someone who had twins recently.”** Fatima was still focused on the babies but gave him a long appreciative glance. **“Better than many average men at their best too.”**

Dick scoffed. **“I have moon face, Fatima.”**

 **“A very handsome moon that is.”** She grinned, he could see it in the way her pretty amber eyes crinkled.

 **“I used to hear so many compliments about my ass and now it’s a balloon.”** He framed his rear with his hands cheekily, injecting a little humor in his voice because her smile was contagious.

 **“You literally squeezed two humans from between those hips, it will take time to get that bottom back. Give yourself a break.”** The beta chided lightly and twirled the mobile a few inches from the babies.

 **“I wouldn’t be so hard on myself if I felt like I was working on it but the twins take up all my time and attention, I feel like a slob.”** Dick mumbled as he began to shrug on a baggy crimson tunic.

 **“You know, if we had more help you could work on getting back in shape sooner.”** Fatima commented casually. She’d been trying to push him to accept Naima and Samir, they showed up every day at different shifts and hung around nearby because they had orders but Dick still wasn’t letting them in the room.

 **“Oh please, not this again.”** Dick was dismissive but he had to concede that she had a point.

**“You could at least try to get to know them. You might like them.”**

**“That’s what I’m afraid of.”** Truth be told, Dick didn’t want strangers near the twins monopolizing their attention but he mostly was just afraid of getting attached as he had with Imani and Fatima and thus give Talia more hostages to hold over his head.

Fatima shrugged and watched him pack a bag with the boys’ things and bunch of supplies she had gotten him, she gave a curious look until he explained. **“I’m going outside with them, now that the monitors are off it’s time to celebrate.”**

 **“Fresh air. Good idea.”** The beta started to gather things and help.

As it turned out Dick didn’t leave the room right away, Damian started crying while he was packing and he had to stop to feed the boy. Cosmo seemed fine but Dick was sure he needed to eat too so once he was done with Damian he let Fatima burp the eldest twin and set out on the frustrating task of getting the youngest to nurse.

Forty-five minutes later Dick was _finally_ free.

He picked up one of the baskets that were used to carry the children and set Damian in it, as for Cosmo he carried him close to his chest. Fatima had taught him how to make a fabric sling so he could keep the baby close to his body and snuggled to his neck. Dick liked having as much skin to skin contact with Cosmo as he could, it was called kangaroo care and Dick had read about it in one of the several baby books he’d found buried in the library, apparently it was good for premmies (and their parents) and Cosmo really needed all the help he could get.

The palace gardens were actually quite beautiful, it was a shame that nobody in damn place really seemed to stop to smell the flowers. Unfortunately that meant Fatima too, her shift ended and she had to go, Samir popped up the moment Dick left the room and followed him all the way to the gardens, he only kept some distance because Dick growled and flashed his teeth at him.

He found a little corner under a tree by a fountain, it was pretty and peaceful and didn’t have to put up with seeing Ra’s statue from there and feeling watched by it, plus the artificial sunlight felt just right dappling through the leaves of the giant walnut tree. 

He set Damian’s basket down carefully and slowly sat down on the ground, breathing in the scents of all the greenery around him, from the earthy grass to the soft walnut flowers. It was nice and quiet, it was perfect.

The twins had fallen asleep before he even got out of the castle, they would be awake in a couple of hours to appreciate the new scenery but until then Dick was going to make use of the rare bit of free time to do something he had been putting off (which unfortunately was not sleeping but he told himself he would catch up that eventually).

Talia made sure the twins had everything they needed but she didn’t supply toys or pacifiers, when Dick had dared to ask she called them crutches and unnecessary so he took it upon himself to remedy that situation.

Nothing he could get his hands on was really off-limits to him anymore except for tech, that meant that he slept with Imani’s dagger under his pillow (it made him feel safer and maybe it had some sentimental value that he didn’t want to explore) and had access to scissors and knives and anything else he could scavenge around the palace.

Unfortunately, the palace although luxurious was a very spartan place so from time to time Fatima brought him other supplies from the outside. That was how he made the mobile, she brought glue and fabric, and that was how he was going to work on the little project he pulled out of the bag now.

He spread out the designs and paper cutouts he had made, grabbed the fluffy and thick fabrics Fatima found in some store near the market and all the pillow stuffing, threads and needles he’d salvaged from a storage room.

Samir settled a few yards away on the roots of the tree, he wore baggy black sherwal pants and a simple white button-up shirt and was reading a book in Arabic that looked too advanced for Dick’s level of fluency (or maybe it was just a different Arabic dialect from the one Dick was used to). He was… intriguing, Dick was keeping him at arm’s length but he had to admit he was kind of curious.

What little he knew about Samir had his interest peaked. First because he was an omega and Dick couldn’t figure out why Talia would suddenly let him be around one, he could no longer figure out if she really had been isolating him from other omegas on purpose or if it was just a fluke.

But that wasn’t all, he noticed Samir was a bit of a gossip by the way he chatted with the other maids, he smiled a lot too, and despite his flawless cinnamon skin and delicate-looking physique, there was a wiry strength to him that was deceptive and reminded Dick of Joey for some reason (and if he hadn’t know the omega was in his late twenties he would have assumed he was younger than Dick himself).

All in all Samir looked friendly, more so than Naima who was distant and disinterested, and Dick was so goddamn lonely that he could see himself liking the guy if he gave him a chance.

He grumpily threw a piece of fabric aside, he had cut it too small and now the sewing was coming out all wrong because it didn’t match the other pieces. He picked up another swatch and started cutting more carefully.

Alfred had taught Dick many skills, some were abilities he used in his vigilante life that came from the butler’s military background or even random things to help fit in with Gotham’s socialites (Dick would never forget stepping on Alfred’s toes when he was eleven and learning ballroom dancing), others were simple household skills that the beta thought were essential for any self-reliant human to know.

Like Bruce, Dick had never mastered cooking and lacked the patience for it (he still knew the basics though and that was worlds better than the alpha any day) and he sucked at ironing clothes or picking up after himself, but he could sew decently enough, be it stitching a wound or sewing a tear (fabric, Kevlar weave, it was all the same principle).

However, this was more than a tear or a popped button, this was creating something from scratch and Dick got frustrated quickly.

“Goddamn it.” Dick cursed when he pricked his finger on the needle a second time and realized the stitches were too tight and bunched together and he was just wasting fabric again.

 **“That needle is too thick, it will punch holes around the thread and stuffing will leak out.”** Samir spoke from over Dick’s shoulder, making him startle, prick another finger and growl all over again. **“Alright, alright, I’ll stay away, I just saw you struggling and wanted to help.”**

 **“Unless you can sew plushies, I don’t want your help.”** Dick grumbled, mollified when the other man backed away several steps. He’d picked up the Arabic word for the toy when he shared his plan with Fatima.

 **“I can. I used to make and repair training dummies, it’s not all that different.”** Samir smiled brightly. **“So I assume I can help?”**

 **“…Fine.”** Dick reluctantly picked up some supplies to make room for Samir to sit closer but not too close.

 **“You need a bigger mold, when you turn it inside out it will be smaller.”** Samir was examining the sketchy designs Dick had doodled on a piece of scrap paper. **“What is this supposed to be?”**

 **“An…Hmm…”** Dick struggled, he didn’t know the word in Arabic so he mimed a trunk onto his face. “Elephant.”

 **“Elephant?”** Samir nodded in understanding and picked up the scrappy paper molds. **“Alright then, let’s change these a little.”**

The guy hadn’t been kidding, he knew what he was doing and in twenty minutes the molds were ready and they were cutting fabric into all the necessary shapes and threading needles with sturdy thread.

 **“Why this?”** Samir asked, lifting a piece of high-tech lightweight ballistic cloth and steel yarn.

 **“Inner layer, secret shield.”** Dick hadn’t really been thinking about safety when he designed plushies with bulletproof insides (why couldn’t toys just be toys?) but he just figured it would be a good excuse for Talia so she’d let the kids keep the plushies.

 **“Smart.”** Samir compliment, truly impressed and grinning as he went through the arduous task of cutting the strange fiber with a special blade.

“Hm.” Dick made a noncommittal noise more akin to a grunt and realized three seconds later that he sounded like Bruce. It made him go quiet and a little sad, thinking about Bruce was a surefire way to trigger those pesky tears.

Samir was very efficient. While Dick sewed the polymer fiber, the other omega was already cutting the regular plush fabric, setting every piece out neatly and cleaning scraps. Dick was impressed enough that he told him to go ahead and start sewing the other layer, maybe they’d finish one of the toys that day (he had expected to take a few days of cutting into his sleep time to finish).

The plush fabrics were of completely nonsensical colors, the one they were working with now was sapphire blue with yellow sunflowers, but just the fact that Fatima had found that kind of thing in a mercenary town was impressive already and it was probably ten times harder to get than the ballistic polymer so Dick wasn’t going to complain; all that mattered was that of all the swatches she brought this was the one the twins seemed most comfortable with.

They spent some time working in silence and Samir was two thirds into his sewing while Dick still barely halfway through his, it shouldn’t have impressed him but it did.

 **“So you used to make dummies?”** Dick focused on his work but couldn’t keep from talking, he hated long silences.

 **“Years ago, when I first joined the League. I was good at menial work**.” Samir had a pleasant voice, deceptively deep but melodic.

 **“Are you a ghoul?”** Dick never really thought about the maids being assassins, in fact he was 80% sure Imani and Fatima were too religious to kill, he assumed they worked for the League on a different capacity but now he was starting to wonder.

 **“I guess?”** Samir chuckled, the casual reply bellied the sharp look in his mahogany eyes.

 **“How did you end up a nursemaid then?”** It shouldn’t be surprising but it was hard for Dick to imagine someone digging their own grave and symbolically giving up their life to train with a terrorist cult only to end up babysitting.

 **“Oh, I’ve been doing this for a while.”** The older omega sounded a little dreamy and relaxed by the sewing.

 **“How so?”** Dick couldn’t help himself, he was curious.

 **“I had a child a few years back when I was about your age and it all just led to becoming this**.” Samir shrugged but he was still smiling brightly.

**“Where is your child now?”**

**“Oh, she died.”** He said it so nonchalantly like he was commenting on a lost sock, and yet there was something in his eyes and his voice that spoke of someone used to hiding stress behind a smile. It was unsettling and reminded Dick of himself, his old self, far too much.

He wondered if he had unsettled people too, Donna used to complain that he was far too cheerful beating the crap out of criminals and making puns under fire.

 **“I’m sorry.”** He really was, Dick unfortunately now had firsthand experience on the subject of losing children and couldn’t imagine what he would have done if he had lost either twin permanently, just trying to think about it was too painful.

Samir gave him a soft appreciative look. **“Miss Talia could have punished me for my unsanctioned pregnancy but instead she gave me an important job taking care of a pretty little girl with two other maids.”**

 **“Where is the girl now?”** Dick’s curiosity just kept growing, what other kid could Talia possibly care about enough to hire three nursemaids?

 **“Somewhere across the world studying with a new tutor. Athanasia is five already, Miss Talia didn’t think she needed so many caretakers anymore.”** Samir finished his sewing and leaned back on his hands, watching Dick work.

 **“Why would Talia care?”** He hadn’t been planning to say that out loud but he figured ‘why not’?

Samir hesitated and fidgeted, the smile slipped off his face for the first time and he looked around nervously as if he had only now realized how out in the open they were and was expecting a stab in the back. **“…I’ve said too much already.”**

 **“Alright.”** Dick didn’t push, it would be too conspicuous and might make the other omega clam up. He just had to redirect the conversation, Samir was chatty and gossipy and would give him more information eventually. **“So was Naima with you all that time?”**

 **“Oh no, we just met the day I met you. I was with Erina and Isha**.” Samir relaxed again and, as expected, kept talking. **“Isha is still with little Asia, Erina wasn’t so lucky.”**

 **“What happened?”** Dick cut a piece of leftover steel thread after he finished sewing most of the polymer, he turned the bulletproof layer inside out and started filling it with pillow stuffing.

 **“Athanasia turned five.”** The other omega gave a one-shouldered shrug.

 **“What does that have to do with…?”** Dick trailed off, a little confused.

 **“It’s the League of Assassins, Grayson.”** Samir addressed him by name for the first time, it made his light tone sound lot more somber. When Dick showed no sign of understanding, the other man just sighed and explained. **“Asia was very close to Erina, so when she turned five she was ordered to kill Erina as a test of skill. She passed beautifully.”**

 **“Wait… What?”** Dick had to stop what he was doing to process this information. **“They made a five-year-old kill her nanny?”**

 **“It was a test of loyalty and commitment.”** The other defended, he sounded as proud of this little girl as if he were a father bragging about his kid’s dance recital.

 **“And you all just accepted that?”** Dick frowned, he couldn’t wrap his mind around this info.

 **“It is an honor to die for the advancement of…”** Samir stopped himself again, like he was catching a slip up. **“Well, it is an honor.”**

“What the fuck?!” He just barely kept himself from shouting, slipping back to English to curse. Cosmo was already squirming against his chest just at the subtle change in his scent and a loud voice wouldn’t help.

Was that what was going to happen to him?

Was Talia letting him raise and train the kids, letting them get attached, so she could have them murder him as soon as they were big enough to hold a weapon? Would she hand Damian and sword and tell him to strike Dick down as a test of strength? Would she hand Cosmo a dagger and tell him to plunge into his parent’s heart to prove his worth?

Yes, that all sounded very much in character for Talia and while Dick knew he had skills to pass on to the kids that Talia prized, he also knew he would always be a liability to her just by being alive and didn’t doubt for one second that she would sacrifice him that way if it served her goals.

 **“You seem upset.”** The other omega looked sincerely puzzled.

 **“Of course I’m upset. We’re talking about a child!”** Dick’s hands were shaking, he had set down the needle a while ago and was hugging Cosmo instead to try to calm the kid before he woke up.

 **“But she was successful. She is greatly advanced and will make an excellent lieutenant someday.”** Samir tried to explain, as if that justified everything and made the whole thing ok. **“Do you not want the twins to be successful too?”**

 **“Not like that.”** He growled, holding the child possessively and placing a hand on Damian’s basket.

 **“Then why are you here, Grayson?”** The other man tilted his head and regarded him with curiosity.

 **“I’m not here on my own free will.”** Dick scoffed.

 **“I don’t see any shackles, and I know you have weapons.”** Samir pointed out a little cheeky.

 **“I wouldn’t exactly be allowed to leave this place alive, last time I tried I nearly lost the them.”** Cosmo was awake now, not happy that his dad smelled upset. Dick reacted by nuzzling the boy’s cheek, for some reason the twins seemed to like his scratchy stubble.

**“Why not go alone then?”**

**“I am not leaving my children behind.”** Dick snapped a little.

Samir watched him comfort Cosmo for a moment and then nodded with fondness. **“I understand, I also feel like Asia is my own.”**

 **“Except Damian and Cosmo _are_ mine. _I_ gave birth to them. Talia just decided they belonged to her.” **Dick ground out between clenched teeth, trying very hard to keep his voice even.

 **“I don’t understand.”** Samir murmured, he finally stopped staring and grabbed the unfinished toy as a distraction, he checked the stuffing and started sewing it shut.

 **“Talia is a bad person.”** If she could even be called a person, Dick thought that was too generous a title for any Al Ghul.

 **“We are all bad people in the eyes of someone, it’s the big picture that matters. I’m sure Miss Talia knows what she is doing.”** Samir countered stubbornly, he finished sealing in the stuffing and started sewing the ears and trunk of the plushie onto the soft layer.

Dick opened his mouth to reply but Damian had just woken up and started yelling. It was probably for the best, arguing with fanatics usually led nowhere, they only heard what they wanted to hear and Samir clearly had personal reasons to worship Talia so there was no point trying to sway him.

 ** _“Hey, Dami.”_** He redirected his attention to the other baby, lifting him out of the basket and struggling to position him next to where his brother was swaddled against Dick’s chest. **_“Did daddy wake you?”_**

 **“I can help. May I?”** Samir tried to reach for Damian and Dick growled and snapped his teeth so suddenly that the other omega whimpered and backed down with his head bowed. **“Alright, that’s a no.”**

Dick watched the other man cower and it took a little of the fight out of him, he sighed, despite Samir’s blind devotion to Talia he really didn’t seem like a bad guy, he truly seemed to want to help and Dick almost felt pity for him. **“…Sorry.”**

Samir lifted his head slightly with a whole new smile. **“Don’t be, I was the same with Asia.”**

Mentioning the girl had Dick wondering again who she was and why Talia cared for her, it also had him feeling a soft spot for Samir for having to leave a kid he loved so much. He didn’t want to empathize with this man but he couldn’t help it, he was lonely and he could understand this guy a bit too well, they had too much in common.

 **“You can hold him for a minute.”** Dick motioned at Damian, he was having trouble holding the two boys anyway and the eldest was crying.

Samir just smiled wider and approached very cautiously, he picked Damian up as if the baby was a delicate treasure and immediately started cooing over him and bouncing him softly in way that the kid relaxing quickly. Dick’s instincts told him to snatch the baby back but he forced himself to swallow the urge for as long as he could.

There was a blanket in the bag, a small one but enough for Dick to lay out on the grass and place both babies on it. He checked diapers and then rolled them over so they could have tummy time.

Tummy time was new, Dick heard about it from Fatima and started trying it a couple of weeks before since babies were meant to start it at around a month old, the twins were premature though so they took longer to really get the hang of it.

Damian loved being on his belly and lifting his little head up on his own, he was fascinated by the strange new environment of the garden, mostly because of the sunlight and new scents. Cosmo, on the other hand, hated the disruption of their routing, his little nose was scrunched and he only really made an effort to lift himself up to look at Damian and nothing else.

Dick left the sewing to Samir and focused on laying on his stomach too, arms crossed on the ground in front of him with his chin on his forearms so his face could be inches from the boys.

 ** _“You’re getting so good at this, Dami. Look, you even got Cosmo to join.”_** Dick grinned, he never knew he could be so proud over something so small as a baby lifting his head.

Damian made little ooh and ah sounds in reaction to Dick’s voice and Cosmo stuck his hand into his mouth to suck on his thumb.

 **“He’s quite advanced for someone born so early.”** Samir commented, impressed by Damian. **“Recognizing your voice, following your face and making sounds already.”**

 **“He’s an overachiever.”** _Like his dad._ The thought made Dick’s heart squeeze in the hollow of his chest but he wouldn’t let it ruin the mood. **_“Aren’t you, Dami? You’re as smart as your papa, just try not to be a grumpy pants like him too.”_** Dick made embarrassingly cutesy sounds, bopping the boys’ noses.

 **“What is that language you speak to them?”** Samir help up the finished outer layer of the plushie, looking amused.

 **“Why do you care?”** Dick sat back up and grabbed the two halves of the plushie, he put the stuffed bulletproof layer inside the plush one with the ears and trunk, it was a perfect snug fit and he finally started sewing the whole thing shut.

 **“I’m a curious person.”** Samir inched a little closer and watched over the boys. **“So what is it?”**

 **“My native language.”** He dodged the question and kept sewing.

Samir wrinkled his nose in a mix of confusion and mockery. **“I thought you were American? That is not English.”**

 **“My _other_ native language.”** Dick avoided the question again but it was good humoredly, teasing the other omega was easy and his expression were fun to watch.

Samir pouted and placed the boys carefully on their backs again while Dick finished the last little knot and cut the thread with his teeth. **“You are not going to tell me, are you?”**

 **“Maybe…”** Dick started as he held up the finished elephant and tossed it in the air playfully. **”…when elephants fly.”**

 **“Tease.”** Samir grinned and watched Dick hold up and examine the plushie one more time. **“It’s very good, yes?”**

 **“That’s for them to decide.”** Dick held up the fluffy elephant over the babies and did a funny voice while puppeteering it. **_“What do you think, boys? A little mini Zitka just for you.”_**

Damian stared at the toy but to Dick’s surprise Cosmo _smiled_ (whether at the toy or the voice he didn’t know).

Damian was developing fast as far as Dick could tell but Cosmo was not. It’s not that the latter was slow, just that the older twin was advanced by most standards and Cosmo just seemed to prefer staying in his little world rather than interacting so for him to be the first of the twins to crack a real legitimate smile… Well, if Dick had been proud before now he was elated.

 ** _“Is that a smile, baby bird?”_** Dick leaned close nuzzling the boy lovingly. **_“Who’s daddy’s happy baby?”_**

Cosmo smiled again and kicked a little, clearly enjoying the attention which was a rare treat for Dick who was used to the younger twin being completely disinterested in people.

 **“You are very good with them, very sweet.”** When Dick straightened back up Samir was smiling fondly and watching him.

 **“Thank you.”** He placed the new plushie between the twins, letting them enjoy its softness, he’d have to make another one eventually before they started showing real interested in playing and started fighting over toys.

 **“It was not a compliment.”** Samir was still smiling but there was something snarky in his tone. **“It is just fact, but perhaps you should beware of that gentleness, must teach them to be tougher or our world will eat them alive.”** He waved vaguely at everything around them. **“Miss Talia wants leaders after all.”**

 **“Maybe I don’t want to raise leaders.”** Dick countered, petting both babies and staring at the other omega with a tired determination. **“Maybe I just want to raise to children.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To quote The Simpsons- (Athanasia) "came out the wrong sex and ruined everything" (for Talia). The Al Ghuls and their obsession with male heirs strikes again.
> 
> Anyway, feel free to send me little prompts for this universe, if they fit I might work them in or add them the side story I'm making (just a collection of little ficlets for the AU).
> 
> Remember, comments are what keeps me going in this cold harsh existence, they inspire me and motivate me to write faster. I love to hear all your thoughts so please drop a comment!


	13. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's December and Dick is doing his best. Too bad his best isn't good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual gist. **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_**
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter and probably feels like a filler but it's actually filled with a lot of foreshadowing and meant to show Dick's personal struggles and state of mind.  
> Next chapter things start getting serious again with a bit of a time skip.

Damian was a pain in the ass.

Oh, Dick loved the little brat, he really did, but that didn’t stop him from calling him a pain in the ass.

At just three months old Damian was cutting his first tooth and that meant he cried. All. The. Time.

And he didn’t just cry, he drooled and he screamed and bit. He was just generally obnoxious and impossible to put up with and Dick hadn’t slept a single minute in two days because of it.

At first he wanted to handle this alone, he didn’t want anyone near his babies when they cried like all hell was breaking loose, he was too protective, but at a certain point in the sleep deprivation he would have paid to pass on the burden to someone else for just a moment of peace.

He probably could have done just that and slept a little if he had help but Fatima couldn’t be around all the time, he still didn’t trust Naima with the boys and Samir had gone into heat two days before and disappeared from the map.

It was the middle of what passed for nighttime in ‘Eth Alth’Eban and Dick was pacing the corridor outside his room with a screaming Damian in his arms. He tried to get some sort of teething toy (made a little hoop out of leather) but the baby was too young to have any interest in that so he was currently trying to rub little bits of ice on the boy’s gums as per Samir’s advice.

Damian was not having it, the ice had helped a little at first but it was mostly melted now and for someone that slept eighteen hours a day he seemed to have endless energy when it came to screaming his little head off (which is why they were in the corridor, so Cosmo could sleep).

Dick was at wits end, he was just so, so, so _tired_.

The exhaustion was wearing him down, all his emotions were simmering on the surface of his skin and to make matters worse Talia had been around for the day as she was once a week.

Talia… Fucking _Talia_ of all people had actually been able to calm Damian, acted as if she truly cared that he was hurting and just her presence was enough for the baby to feel safe and calm enough to sleep (though Dick couldn’t because he had Cosmo to take of and he didn’t trust Talia enough to let her be alone with his babies).

Was it a weird alpha thing? Did Damian just like her that much? How could she be better with Damian than Dick was when she was barely ever around?

Why could Talia do what Dick couldn’t? That _bitch_.

Ok, maybe Dick was jealous. And maybe that jealousy was striking a match on the gasoline his exhaustion and frustration had poured all over his other negative feelings, maybe Damian’s nonstop crying was fanning the flames blazing on his nerve endings.

 ** _“Please, Dami. If you could just quiet down and sleep that would be your Christmas gift to me.”_** Dick sobbed, he didn’t even notice he was crying too until he heard his own voice crack. “Damn. _Fuck_!”

He wanted to stop but the tears just kept coming and everything was just crashing down on him and there was a fog of murky anxious pheromones around him and it all just made the baby scream louder.

For one insane second he wanted to shake Damian as hard as he could until he shut the hell up.

And then a second later he felt bile burning in his throat from how terrible that thought was and from the fact that it wasn’t an isolated incident.

 ** _“I’m sorry, Dami. I’m so sorry. I’d never hurt you, I promise.”_** Dick sobbed harder, holding the baby close to his chest and desperately rubbing his little back. **_“I’m so bad at this dad thing, I’m sorry I can’t make the pain go away.”_** He choked a little, his chest and back hurt and he didn’t know if it was just one of those post-pregnancy side-effects of it was a panic attack but he couldn’t breathe properly and the sobs just kept coming. “I wish I could make it all go away...”

Dick’s mind was racing with too many negative thoughts but he just couldn’t focus on any single one, it all felt like storm crashing down around him and he could physically _feel_ how uncomfortable and upset Damian was and that just added guilt to the list of horrible emotions warring in him.

 **“Tt.”** The little scoffing sound had him whirling around to find Naima barely two inches from him, Dick didn’t know if she was that quiet or if he was just panicking so hard that he had missed her. **“Give him to me.”**

It was tempting, he could let her take away the squalling child so he could focus on finally getting enough air in his lungs but Naima had yet to exchange more than half a dozen words with him in three months, she hadn’t earned his trust and Dick found himself recoiling and shielding the baby automatically.

 **“Would you rather he keep screaming?”** She held her arms impatiently, speaking with a nonsense tone. **“I’m not going to harm the little hellraiser and you need to be away from him. Right now.”**

As if on cue, Damian cried so hard that he threw up all over Dick and that was the last drop on his stress-meter. He held the kid out to the nursemaid and let her take the boy while he hobbled to the far wall and let himself slide down it until he sitting on the floor, hugging his knees and sobbing.

 **“There, there, little one. You’ll be alright.”** Naima wiped Damian’s spit-up and drool-covered face and produced something from a little bag that she coached into the baby’s mouth and rubbed onto his gums. **“A little chamomile will fix you right up.”**

She rocked the boy gently but didn’t pace, she just patiently kept rubbing his gums and humming soothingly until Damian started to quiet down, her scent was like citrus and honey and it filled the whole corridor. It took a long while but eventually Damian no longer screamed, just fussed unhappily and sleepy.

Throughout the whole ordeal Naima would occasionally glance critically at Dick, taking note of his curled up pose and the way his shoulders shook as he sobbed, how his knotted greasy hair fell over his unshaven face and his nails dug into messy clothes and his own skin as he clung to himself with his scent screaming anxiety like a toxic cloud around him.

Dick was a wreck and he knew it, he felt he deserved her judgment though, he’d let himself reach this point, he let himself go and he was a terrible parent that couldn’t even handle a little sleep deprivation and a teething baby without having thoughts of violence. He was so terrible even the alpha that kept them all prisoner was better with his babies.

 **“Don’t worry, little one. Baba just needs a little space to breathe.”** Naima hummed at Damian, she glanced up at Dick again and her tone turned sarcastic. **“ _Maybe_ it would help if he stopped hyperventilating.”**

Dick took the hint and uncurled enough to let his head thump back against the wall, his every muscle was coiled tight with tension and he tried very hard to go limp and focus on timing his breathing- slow five second inhale, pause, slow five second exhale. Rinse and repeat.

If only he was as good at meditation as Bruce was.

Naima made an approving sound and fished another bit of chamomile goo from her bag to coach into the Damian’s mouth. The baby was still red-face but looked drowsy and… Oh no, Naima was bringing him closer.

 **“Get him away from me, I’ll just make everything worse again**.” Dick waved his hands nervously, shaking all over, chest still feeling tight.

 **“Tt. Now he trusts me with the babe.”** Naima rolled her eyes and gave him a stern frown before she looked back at Damian and her voice softened. **“Don’t worry, little one, baba still loves you, he just needs to stop being a martyr.”**

 **“What?”** Dick just stared dumbfounded at this sarcastic judging woman, he was so stunned he forgot his distress for a moment.

 **“Clean yourself up and go sleep, Grayson.”** She ordered sternly, stepping aside next to the door as if she expected him to march on her command. When he just gave a pained reluctant look she rolled her eyes again. **“You are useless to the children if you run yourself to the ground until you break.”**

He could argue, he could point out he didn’t trust her enough to drop his guard like that and let her watch over the kids alone, but she had just managed to calm Damian while Dick was in the middle of a panic attack and if that didn’t earn her some points then nothing did. It also helped that she exuded the sort of sardonic disciplinarian aura that was so reminiscent of Alfred.

With a heavy sigh, Dick got himself up on shaky legs and dragged himself into the room.

While he washed and changed clothes on autopilot he heard Naima check on Cosmo and then sit in a chair soothing Damian until the boy fell asleep, he had tired himself out and slept tucked against her breast with his whole fist in his mouth.

After he felt a little less gross, Dick finally joined them and Naima waved at a cup of tea waiting on the table, how she’d conjured that up and held Damian while he was in the bathroom he didn’t know but he accepted it because he just didn’t have the energy to fight it and his head was starting to pound. He downed half the cup in one gulp.

When Dick finally crawled into bed he was breathing more normally and a level of numbness was starting to settle in but he was still too anxious to rest, his head hurt and he could feel the tears just waiting to spring up again, could feel himself tense for a new onslaught of screams whenever one of the twins so much as twitched, and his brain was still chewing around the thought that for a second he had wanted to hurt Damian.

“God, I’m such a dick. And not the fun kind.” He muttered to himself, burying his face in his hands.

There was a rustle and Dick tensed again but the wailing never came, he pulled his hands away to see what was happening and spotted Naima placing the kids in a crib together, then she walked to the bed and nudged Dick aside. He obeyed more out of curiosity than anything and she sat with her back against the pillows, motioning him to join.

Dick wasn’t sure what was going on but obeyed cautiously and before he knew it she was pulling him close so his head was pillowed in her lap and her fingers were running gently through his hair and massaging strategic points on his temples, her honey and lemon scent was spilling out like warm tea in a cold winter night. Again he was reminded of Alfred and being comforted after nightmares.

 **“Sleep now.”** Naima murmured, scratching softly at his scalp.

 **“I don’t know if I can. I… I’m just… Overwhelmed.”** Dick tried to relax but he was miserable.

 **“Tt. This is why children shouldn’t be having babies.”** She scoffed and her nails dragged down from his crown towards the back of his neck in a way that had goosebumps sprouting all over.

 **“I’m not a child.”** Dick frowned, well aware that he sounded precisely like a petulant kid.

 **“Barely.”** Naima massaged a spot on the back of his head and covered his eyes. **“Sleep.”**

**“But…”**

**“Just try.”** She insisted, cutting him off sternly. **“You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t care for yourself.”**

*

Dick slept like the dead.

He was so used to startling himself awake every couple of hours to take care of the boys that he was no longer used to sleeping for longer stretches and woke up feeling both rested and stiff all at once. His head felt filled with cotton and it took him several minutes to piece reality back together before he could open his eyes and take the world in.

Naima was gone, which was understandable, if Dick had really slept that long then of course her shift would have ended.

It made him wonder how she’d cared for the twins alone though, he knew both Naima and Samir were there as wet nurses and could feed the children just fine but Dick had never allowed it and it was weird to realize Naima had probably done just that so he could sleep. It also had him wondering if she had kids, it was the logical assumption, wasn’t it?

Before Dick could get out of bed the door of the bathroom clicked and Samir walked in with a damp-haired Damian in his arms. He looked chipper and not at all bothered by the baby’s bad mood.

 **“Good afternoon, Grayson. Feeling better?”** Samir walked over to hand Damian to Dick before going to pick Cosmo up from the crib too.

 **“Yes… Very.”** Dick yawned and held a fussy Damian. It was absurd but he still felt terrible for how he acted and half-expected the baby to angry at him even though Damian only seemed to care about mouthing at Dick’s shirt in search for lunch.

 **“I hear you finally let Naima in!”** Samir grinned widely and sat on the edge of the bed bouncing Cosmo softly.

 **“Well, you weren’t here.”** He shrugged and positioned Damian so he could nurse, the boy latched on right away.

 **“Good to know my absence did some good.”** The other omega chuckled and tickled Cosmo’s little feet.

 **“You’re in a good mood.”** Dick eyed the other man, taking in his grin and relaxed body language.

**“Aren’t I always?”**

**“Point taken.”** Dick kept staring with a slight smirk of his own. **“You know, I used to be like that too.”**

 **“What happened?”** Samir gasped in fake shock.

 **“Twins.”** He deadpanned and two seconds later they were both laughing. It felt good.

Dick was intrigued.

Samir still smelled vaguely like heat, a soft sweetness like burnt sugar layered over his usual smell of warm spices and raw cotton, but despite the scent he looked cheerful and energized and he’d only been out a couple of days so he must have had a partner for his heat. Yet, he didn’t have a bite and didn’t smell like anyone but himself and maybe traces of the usual people he interacted with around them- the twins, Naima, Fatima, Talia, and even Dick himself.

It really was none of Dick’s business who Samir’s partner was and that’s not what had him thinking, he was glad that the other omega was doing well. No, what had him deep in thought was what would happen when Dick started having heats again.

Thus far he hadn’t been too worried about it, he’d been more focused on the twins and he still had anywhere between three and nine months before he had to worry about heats again but now that he saw Samir this way it had him wondering what he’d do.

The idea of going into heat in the palace made his skin crawl, it was a level of vulnerability that he didn’t want to have in such a hostile environment as the League of Assassins, but what he worried about the most was what would happen to the twins- would he be lucid enough to take care of them? What if he wasn’t?

What if it happened around the assassins and some knotheaded alphas decided to harass him? He wasn’t worried that they’d harm him, he was more concerned that he’d harm them and end up punished for it.

Would Talia even allow him to be around anyone? Worse yet, would Talia try to force him to just carry on living as if nothing was happening? He didn’t even wonder if she could supply suppressants because he didn’t believe she’d be that kind.

It was a lot to think about and without a pack to protect and comfort him during those days, he was sure it was going to be terrible, specially because he sure has hell wasn’t going to accept anyone here helping him through a heat, alpha or otherwise, he wasn’t going to cheat on Bruce that way…

As usual thinking of Bruce had Dick’s mood shifting into melancholy- would Bruce even care if he slept with someone during his heat? Would Bruce reciprocate the loyalty or would he find comfort in someone else with Dick missing? Was Bruce even still looking for him?

Dick sighed, he was doing that a lot lately.

 **“What’s wrong?”** Samir was staring, Dick didn’t know for how long but apparently long enough for the older omega’s smile to turn into a frown.

 **“Nothing.”** He held Damian up to his shoulder and pat his little back softly now that he was done feeding.

Samir inched closer and leaned against Dick’s side affectionately. **“Tell me.”**

 **“Just thinking too much.”** Dick ruffled the other omega’s hair tenderly, just as Damian burped.

He set Damian down on his lap and reached for Cosmo, soon he was feeding the younger twin and humming at both babies, trying to think of better things.

He wondered when he and Samir had gotten so comfortable with each other in the last month, he had fought so hard not to get attached to yet another person but the guy was just so damn affectionate, physical and so good with the babies; hating him was impossible, even being neutral about him was pretty hard. They had connected on a personal level somewhere along the way and Dick had barely noticed.

 **“What did you do to that poor thing?”** Samir broke the silence that had fallen between them, he was still leaning with his head on Dick’s shoulder and made a little gesture towards the corner of the room where there was tiny potted tree.

The plant in question had been a request he had made of Fatima, she was pretty good at getting all sorts of things from the outside and while there were luxurious gardens all around the palace, Dick had wanted a potted tree for the room. Said tree was now decorated with little paper streamers, colorful scraps of fabric and a throwing star on top.

It was a miracle Talia had let him keep the plant but she had looked amused at the pitiful little display and said nothing about it.

 **“It’s Christmas, Samir.”** He grinned and rocked Cosmo lightly; meanwhile, Damian pulled Dick’s finger into his little mouth and gnawed at it (maybe they should rethink teething toys again).

 **“I should have guessed a person who named their babies after saints would be religious.”** Samir teased, it was playful, a little mocking even.

 **“I’m not. My mom was Catholic but I was raised differently.”** Dick shrugged and pat Cosmo’s back, immersing himself in the nostalgia of his past.

He could remember Christmas mass with his parents in whatever town the circus was in, a nativity scene on a bed of moss in their trailer and late Christmas Eve dinner with the core circus pack after the last show of the day, he and the other kids playing around with poppers. He missed it all terribly the year his parents died, when he jumped from foster care to an orphanage and then juvie before Bruce finally managed to get guardianship.

He could also remember helping cover Wayne Manor in strings of lights and decorating a massive tree, perching on Bruce’s shoulders to get the giant gold star on the top, even sweeter was the memory of lighting a menorah with Bruce and Alfred and eating latkes together late at night after a patrol controlling the holiday crazed rogues.

And then Jason arrived and Christmas got a little louder with prank gifts and a lot more fun even during those years when Dick and Bruce barely looked at each other, much less talked.

 **“Back at home we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah but it isn’t a religious thing, just family tradition. An excuse for the pack to get together with the whole giving spirit thing.”** For the millionth time since Talia imprisoned him Dick was assaulted by how terribly he missed his pack, there was a fondness in the memories, in his voice, but he couldn’t help the ache twisting within the cage of his ribs.

 **“Why Hanukkah?”** Samir looked as curious as always, he accepted Damian while Dick picked up Cosmo and finally slipped out of the bed to sit on the floor by his sad excuse for a Christmas tree.

 **“My… Our pack alpha is an atheist but he was born in a mixed Jewish-Christian household and, well, anything that reminds him of his parents is sacred.”** Dick chuckled sadly, he didn’t know what to call Bruce anymore, wasn’t even sure how he felt at this point.

 **“Family man. How sweet.”** Samir commented as he helped lay Damian on his belly for tummy time.

“Ah!” Dick barked out a bitter laugh.

Bruce loved his family, and he loved them beyond all comprehension, but that didn’t mean he knew how to show it.

Calling Bruce a family man was a joke, the man didn’t know how to exteriorize emotions and would isolate himself from everyone he loved if given half a chance. If allowed he’d prioritize his mission, let the darkness of Gotham swallow him body and soul, and die alone as a martyr. That’s why he needed a Robin, that’s why he needed his pack- to stay human.

Dick wished Bruce could be as devoted to his living pack as he was to the memory of his dead parents. He wished Bruce was as unwavering about finding him as he had been about honoring his parent’s memory, if he had been he’d have found Dick and the kids by now. Maybe those thoughts were unfair but Dick couldn’t help it anymore.

 **“What? Did I say something wrong**?” Samir was staring at Dick even as he encouraged Damian to lift himself up with the little elephant toy.

 **“Never mind.”** Dick smiled ruefully and stretched out on the floor to be at eye level with Cosmo. **“What about you?”**

 **“No family. No Christmas either.”** The other omega poked one of the streamers on the little tree. **“Used to be Hindu. Before. Celebrated Holi with Asia sometimes, it made a mess but it was nice.”**

 **“Sounds fun.”** Dick smiled and nuzzled Cosmo affectionately.

 **“Maybe someday we can do it with these little birdies.”** Samir poked Damian’s nose for emphasis, the baby made a little sound and tried to bite him.

 **“…Maybe.”** Dick really hoped they wouldn’t be stuck there long enough for that to happen but he had to accept the fact that he couldn’t just put life on hold to wait for a miraculous rescue.

He glanced around the room to spot the toys they had made for the kids.

Samir had the fluffy blue and yellow elephant in front of Damian and a pudgy round robin in grey and red was on the floor by the foot of the bed, the little mobile hung over the joined cribs. Finally there was a little bag hidden behind the bed.

He scrambled across the room and grabbed the hidden bag, then sat in front of the twins and gently turned them over.

 **“Anyway…”** Dick pulled out his latest project- a baby gym made of recycled bows crossed together with colorful birds and hoops hanging from them, some filled raw rice to make them rattle. He was pretty pleased with the contraption and placed it like a dome over the boys while they were lying down, hoping to tempt them to reach up and grab the cloth toys. **_“Merry Christmas, little princes.”_**

There was no great reaction, Dick hadn’t been expecting one, this whole pitiful Christmas was more for his sake than anybody else’s, for some mimicry of normality and sanity in his life. He was proud of himself for trying though, his children deserved to be spoiled and now that he wasn’t so sleep deprived he could take joy in doing just that.

Damian was captivated by the bright birdies for a whole minute before he remembered how uncomfortable he felt to be teething and started to fuss and cry again so Samir picked him up and stated the tedious process of icing his little gums.

Cosmo didn’t seem the least bit interested in the new toy but he did react to Dick’s voice and smiled, which in turn made Dick smile too and lean down to blow raspberries all over Cosmo’s belly, leading to more laughter.

Damn, what he wouldn’t do for a camera… Maybe he’d should convince Fatima smuggle one of those in next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points to anyone that can guess what's coming.
> 
> Remember, comments are what keeps me going in this cold harsh existence, they inspire me and motivate me to write faster. I love to hear all your thoughts so please drop a comment!


	14. Charm Is A Weapon Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's March (in the fic and irl, ah!) and Dick is starting to change. Not all of those changes are good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the gist with the **Arabic** and the **_Romanes_**.
> 
> I was going to make this the chapter where shit really hits the fan but there were more little points and foreshadowing I needed to slip in so I changed it around. I actually changed this chapter so many times because I was never satisfied and that's why it ended up huge.  
> Either, next chapter will be the real roller-coaster.
> 
> Warning for mildly NSFW in this chapter.

_The white sheets were softest thing Dick had ever had tangled around him, second only to the broad expanse of pale skin of the powerful body over him, around him, in him._

_His head was spinning from the way all his senses tingled and flared in reaction to the alpha, the taste of hungry chapped lips and a greedy tongue, the sight of piercing blue eyes raking over him as if he was the answer to the meaning of the universe, the feel of scars under his fingertips, the obscene sounds of pleasure pouring from lips in whimpers and moans, the scent of his mate…_

_Sweat beaded on his heated skin as he arched his back beautifully off the bed, wanting more, desperate to be wrecked by his lover and devoured down to his soul by the familiar mouth on his. Strong hands bracketed his hips with bruising possessive power and that mouth glided across his jaw and towards his neck, teeth grazing a special patch of skin that made him groan and rock along with the slow mind-numbing rhythm of their thrusts._

_It was slow, it was hungry, it was everything. Dick couldn’t get enough._

_“Dick…” His name murmured in that gravelly voice sent shivers down his spine, had him clutching at his lover, nails digging into broad shoulders and leaving angry red trails._

_“Bruce… Oh god, Bruce.” He moaned, the sizzling pleasure coursing through his body was just a vague spark compared to the emotion welling up inside him and flooding his blood, the sense of safety and purpose making him feel like the jagged edges of his soul were finally being put back together._

_“I missed you.” That deep bass growled in his ear and those warm lips travelled back down his neck and bit down hard. “I missed you so much. Dick…”_

Dick bolted upright in bed suddenly, sweaty and dazed, his hands flying to his throat where he could still feel a sting, an echo of the dream. His fingertips were met with unmarked skin and he sighed.

Damn, that seemed so real.

His insides twisted just thinking about the dream, he wanted it (god, he wanted it so much) but at the same time not having it broke his soul into splintering little pieces and had his eyes stinging and wet.

It was very early, the twins were still asleep and Naima had probably left to trade places with Fatima. Dick squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to compose himself and push down his feelings, then he lifted his sheets, looked down and then flopped back into bed with a huff of frustration. Well, that was embarrassing… He’d have change out of that damp underwear before anybody showed up.

It had been a while since he had dreams like this, they were very frequent when he was still pregnant but it had been six months since the twins arrived and he hadn’t dreamt of anything like that since. Dick wasn’t sure how he felt about his sex drive suddenly waking up from hibernation, he’d been so stressed just trying to be a parent and get enough sleep not to keel over that all his other needs had been put on hold.

The worst part was that while the dream had felt so perfect in an unrealistic and deeply indulgent way, waking up just made him miserable and had him diving down into yet another melancholic spiral, that’s what happened whenever he thought too much about Bruce.

Bruce…

A year before he had been on something as mundane and sweet as a date with Bruce and now the mere idea of that was hard to imagine, all he could think of when he thought of Bruce were the rough edges and cold demeanor of Batman and his happier memories of their time as a couple felt like just another dream, a whole other life in a world he felt he no longer belonged to.

Maybe he really didn’t belong back in Gotham, or even in Bludhaven, eleven months was a long time to spend under Talia’s thumb.

Dick convinced himself that he had to stop waiting for a rescue, any sane person would have given up on looking for him… Besides, Batman was always needed, when people called he was always there, Batman wasn’t a job or a choice, for Bruce it was a lifestyle, he couldn’t just be absent for a year to look for a single person (specially not one that should have been able to rescue himself).

Most likely everyone assumed Dick was dead. He really couldn’t blame them, though that didn’t stop him from resenting them all.

Would he be lamenting again in another year? Two? Three? Would he even survive that long?

It creeped up on him then that he had stopped planning for the future because he assumed he wouldn’t have one, he’d given up and let himself be a victim even as he settled into old and new habits.

Sometimes he told himself it was a matter of honor, that he had sworn loyalty to Talia for the kid’s sakes, she had saved them after all and he was merely respecting his promise out of gratitude, but deep down he knew he was lying to himself.

No, Dick had grown complacent. He couldn’t keep this up, even if he no longer had a place back home, even if he was dead and buried to everyone he had ever cared about, the children still deserved better than a childhood in a pretty cage.

Once again, he needed to start working on getting out of there, even if it meant playing the long game and worming his way through the League until he had enough power to get out. He just needed to snap himself out of this sad spiral before he went in too deep again. He couldn’t waste time yearning.

He needed to stop thinking about Bruce all the time, needed to stop missing him and idolizing him, all it did was hurt and make him loose focus.

“Pull yourself together, it was just a dream.” Dick mumbled to himself as he crawled out of bed and headed for the shower; he felt sluggish and tired and, much to his frustration, horny too.

Any other time Dick would have no problem taking himself in hand and handling the horny part on his own but it just felt… Wrong. He’s body might want it but his head just wasn’t in the game.

“Cold water it is.” Dick muttered and turned the water to the coldest setting he could handle, determined to get the whole matter over with.

When he got back to the room in a clean set of clothes Cosmo was awake and determined to chew his own fist, Dick popped a little teething toy he had made in his mouth instead but as usual the baby ditched it and focused on his own hand again. Dick decided to pick him up and carried him to bed, holding him and smelling his adorable little head, he’d long since learned to tune out the residual smell of the Lazarus Pit and took comfort in the individual scents of the babies (even if they did still smell mostly like Dick).

The door suddenly clicked open and Fatima walked in with a breakfast tray.

 **“Good morning, Dick.”** She was the only one who actually called him by his preferred name and he appreciated it.

 **“Hello.”** He smiled and lifted Cosmo’s little hand in a mock wave. **“What’s with the breakfast in bed scenario? I thought we were over that when I gained access to the kitchens.”**

 **“It’s the first day of Spring.”** Fatima replied expectantly, placing the tray down on the bed in front of him.

 **“Oh, of course, what better way to celebrate trees and flowers than with…”** Dick trailed off and his grin turned into a delighted smile when he looked at the food in front of hm. **“Are those blinis?”**

 **“I hope so, or else I used the wrong recipe.”** Fatima sat next to him and plucked Cosmo away so Dick could eat.

 **“You actually remembered one off-hand comment from months ago about my favorite food?”** He stared at her in amazement and, admittedly, he was a little moved. **“Wait… Is this for my birthday?”**

 **“Of course it is.”** Fatima clicked her tongue, almost like Naima was found of doing. **“Did you actually think people like me celebrate Spring?”**

 **“I mean…”** Yes, he did, wasn’t a League an ecoterrorist organization after all? But he decided he probably shouldn’t say that. **“Is it any more weird than celebrating my birthday?”**

 **“I’m trying to be nice, Richard.”** When she used his birth name Dick knew he was getting on her nerves so he smiled and decided to just accept the kindness.

 **“Thank you.”** He popped a blini into his mouth and his eyes fluttered shut as the taste of buckwheat pancake, tvorog and smoked salmon exploded in his taste buds. It wasn’t quite the same as the sweet version Alfred made but it was very traditional and took Dick back to his childhood and his mother’s cooking. **“Definitely blinis. This is the best thing I’ve had in… I don’t even know.”**

**“Good. I would have brought the other thing too but it didn’t seem appropriate for breakfast.”**

**“Cereal? Because that’s very appropriate.”** Dick couldn’t remember all the things he had mentioned back when he was having cravings but he knew he talked about at least three kinds of cereal.

 **“Like you need any processed sugar.”** Fatima flicked him playfully on the back of the head. **“I meant popcorn.”**

 **“Wow, you really do pay attention.”** Dick chuckled and popped another blini in his mouth, savoring every bite.

**“I do. Which is why I have something else for you.”**

**“You got me a gift? Aw, you shouldn’t have.”** He gave her a sardonic smile.

 **“You practically begged for it.”** The beta rolled her eyes, reached into the folds of her abaya and pulled out a tiny package that fit in the palm of her hand.

 **“Wait, you mean…?”** He reached for the present in a hurry but she smacked his hand away.

**“There are some rules first.”**

**“What rules?”**

**“Keep it hidden, nobody can know about it.”** Fatima finally placed the gift in his hand but didn’t let go until he agreed to her terms. **“And if you get caught I know nothing, understood?”**

 **“Understood.”** Dick nodded earnestly and she finally let go.

Inside a small wrapping of parchment paper was a very tiny camera, Dick had seen smaller spy cameras in his line of work but he was still impressed by the small gadget and the fact that it came with a tiny memory stick with a full terabyte of memory space. It wasn’t anything too complex or the latest high-tech but it would do.

Dick pushed his tray of food aside and hugged Fatima tightly, emotion clogging his throat and muddling his words. **“Thank you, I owe you one.”**

 **“You owe me plenty.”** She pat his back and placed a kiss on his forehead through her niqab. **“But nobody is counting.”**

 **“Where did you get this?”** Dick pulled away from the hug when Cosmo started squirming from being squished between them, he marveled at the little camera and took its first photo- a picture of Fatima cooing over the baby in her lap, it uploaded to the separate memory stick automatically.

 **“Little tech store near the market, I assumed a spy camera would be easier to keep hidden.”** She wasn’t looking at Dick, focusing instead of bouncing Cosmo. **“Dreadful man, that owner, but he knows how to keep a secret.”**

 **“Tech store, huh?”** Dick smirked, giving her a sly look. **“Do they have communication devices? Computers?”**

 **“Don’t even think about it, child. I will not get anything like that.”** She glared. **“I love you but I will not die for you.”**

 **“Worth a shot.”** Dick shrugged, he wasn’t planning of asking that of Fatima but he did consider visiting the store himself, he was allowed out of the palace now but only to the training buildings, he was watched and chaperoned everywhere he went but he was pretty sure he could find a way around that sooner or later.

Damian woke up right about then and started screaming for attention, Dick decided it was about time the eldest twin had his first picture taken too. Maybe someday, if he managed to keep the photos safe, he’d show them to… Ugh, he _really_ had to stop thinking about Bruce.

*

 **“Grayson! What took you so long?”** Samir waved from the grass of their usual corner of the gardens, Cosmo in his lap and Damian crawling happily on the grass.

Dick was returning from the kitchens, immersed in thoughts of his talk with Fatima that morning, but Samir’s voice snapped him right out of his thoughts and had him plastering a well-trained smile on his face.

The crawling was new, a week before Damian had gone from rolling around and lifting himself up to actually crawling forward; Cosmo didn’t crawl, he didn’t even sit up unsupported like his brother, but either way Dick was proud and now he had a hidden camera to immortalize such little moments.

 **“Sorry, sorry. Took a while to find the bananas.”** He sat on the ground next to the other omega and set down the tray he was carrying, it contained a bowl of gooey mashed fruit. **“You sure they’re ready for this?”**

 **“Of course.”** Samir helped Cosmo sit up on his lap and placed a little bib around his neck. **“Ready, little bird?”**

The older omega gave Cosmo a spoon to hold but the kid tossed it, it made Dick laugh a little as he slowly spooned some mashed bananas into the baby’s mouth. Cosmo made a face and spit most of it back up but Dick kept patiently trying to feed him more.

It was the first solid food they were introducing the babies to and the current goal was to get them used to the foods even if they didn’t actually eat all that much.

 ** _“Say ah…”_** Dick coached, Cosmo didn’t listen but he did swallow some of the goo from the next spoonful. **_“Good boy, little prince.”_**

Damian stopped crawling and was just watching and blowing spit bubbles. Cosmo made a mess of himself, spitting up mashed banana all over, his single little tooth clinking against the spoon.

Dick was happy at least one twin had no problem while teething, Cosmo started cutting his first tooth recently but he never made a fuss about it, never cried his little head off like his brother had, even though he took to biting anything at hand and drooling all over the place.

 **“Wait your turn, little one.”** Samir chuckled at Damian and wiped the younger twin’s face so Dick could keep feeding him.

By the time he was done feeding Cosmo, removing the wrecked bib and wiping his grumpy face, Damian was fussing and whining. **“Ok, ok, relax, Dami. We haven’t forgotten about you.”**

Samir kept holding the younger twin, patting his back and rocking him softly while Dick placed the eldest on his lap, Damian promptly stuck the bib they tried to put on him in his mouth and chewed at it with all four of his teeth.

“An excellent choice, Master Damian, but perhaps you’d like to sample some of these exquisite bananas I have prepared for you?” Dick teased in his best Alfred voice, holding up a spoon for the baby to grab.

The child did in fact latch on the spoon like a toy and waved it around as Dick scooped up mashed fruit in the other spoon and guided it to plump pouty lips. The whole point of having them hold utensils was to get them used to the spoons so they’d eventually start using them.

Like his brother, Damian made a face and shook his head away from the food, he shrieked too and it took several more tries before he finally accepted enough food to actually swallow anything and although he kept spitting it up it seemed he was taking a liking to the new experience.

 **“We can try carrots in a few days.”** Samir suggested as he rocked a sleepy Cosmo. Dick took advantage of the other man’s distraction to snap a photo before he grabbed the spoon again.

“Hn.” He made the usual noncommitting noise he had picked up from Bruce.

 **“Are you alright?”** The other omega was looking at him sharply, his gaze apparently focused on Dick’s split lip, the cut was nasty but already half healed.

 **“Fantastic.”** He smiled and wiped Damian clean, then pulled the boy close so he could cuddle him and bury his nose in the baby’s wispy hair.

 **“Are you sure?”** Samir seemed unconvinced and ran his fingertips up Dick’s arm, tracing a nasty bruise. **“You haven’t spoken much about how training is going.”**

 **“It’s has been an interesting change of pace.”** Dick smirked, that was understatement.

He’d started training with the League members again a month prior, as soon as he started trusting Naima enough to leave her, Samir and Fatima with the kids he began a new routine- mornings with the children including time in the gardens, training in the afternoon in one of the pavilions on the edge of town, evenings and night with the twins.

It was torture at first, he felt guilty that he wanted to be away from the babies sometimes but he hated how being away from them for any length of time made feel anxious and paranoid. He ended up venting by being extra aggressive with whomever he ended up sparring, just so it could end faster and he could come back to his sons.

There were advantages though.

Being allowed to leave the palace for training was leading to some freedom to explore the town but not too much, not only was he still watched and chaperoned but he was also expected to follow schedules religiously. Dick’s plans to exploit his little bit of freedom had been on his mind all day.

The assassins in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban were very different from the ones back in Egypt, they were not rookies or droves of potential cannon fodder but experienced warriors and mercenaries that came and went from the city fairly quickly, they were the elite and Dick was determined not to be second-best to any of them.

So far, even out of shape, he was holding his own with everyone he’d crossed. He’d learned from the best after all and fighting with handicaps was nothing new to someone that had been a child vigilante and the only fully human member of a hero team.

This time he was joining the training and the learning much more earnestly because nobody was afraid of hurting him anymore and he was determined to get back to peak physical condition. In fact he already had a few painful bruises to pay for some new techniques, they were worth it and so was going all out in sparring sessions, he didn’t need to hold back with these people for fear of killing anyone and they respected that almost as much as they were charmed by his own unique skills.

There was always a hostile environment of rivalry and aggression among the assassins, be it the ones learning or the experienced ones training to stay sharp; Dick could blame it on the absurd amount of alpha posturing but the fact was there were people of all kinds there, even a few incredibly vicious omegas, and they all made a living out of death and violence.

It was amazing that Dick felt a lot more in his element surrounded by all that than he did holding his own children.

 **“I remember how vicious it used to be… Fighting every single day.”** Samir was still caressing the bruise in Dick’s arm with a slightly worried expression. Dick didn’t understand why the sudden concern now, he’d been training a month already.

 **“As if you didn’t love it. I’ve heard some of the bedtime stories you tell the twins.”** He chuckled at the memory, he knew Samir loved his work with kids but he was also a warrior first and foremost, albeit a self-proclaimed mediocre one (Dick didn’t believe that one bit, Talia wouldn’t trust her children to anyone mediocre).

 **“You jumped in so suddenly, it’s a big adjustment.”** The older omega pouted, trying so hard to hide a smile, however he didn’t let Dick dodge the subject.

 **“Samir, I promise you I’m fine. Training and fighting are the only times I feel like myself again.”** It was true, he once told Babs that cracking puns and cracking bad guy skulls was as Dick Grayson as he could get. **“I wasn’t made to stay idle for long.”**

 **“Idle? Babies are one of the most physically and mentally challenging things in the world and you have two!”** Samir chided and poked Dick’s chest for emphasis.

 **“I also have you.”** He countered with a charming grin. **“I can count on you, can’t I?”**

Samir shook his head ruefully and smiled right back, cheeks tinting slightly as he reached up to cup Dick’s cheek fondly. **“Always, Grayson.”**

That was exactly what Dick needed to hear.

*

Dick dreamt again.

Again and again and again. For days.

He woke up early in the morning, sweating and shivering, heart racing as he buried his face in his hands and groaned with frustration. Fatima was at his side at once and he waved her off, tried to use a nightmare as excuse but he couldn’t fool her nose- the scent of his arousal was there and it hung in the air like a big red flag.

It was mortifying but she just gave him an exasperated look at his excuses and then turned her back and returned her attention to the twins (Damian was awake and needed a diaper change).

He spent the morning feeling rather lethargic and persistently frustrated, Dick tried not to think about it because thinking about it meant thinking about the dreams which meant thinking about Bruce and that just hurt. Maybe he shouldn’t be bottling up his needs day after day but he was nothing if not stubborn.

He suspected his body was returning to its old rhythm and his heats were about to restart, he read that it could take between six months to a year after a pregnancy but he didn’t dare hope for a year, he wasn’t that lucky.

Dick still had no idea what would happen when he went into heat and he wasn’t keen on finding out but it had been one of the reasons he returned to training as soon as he could, he wanted to get back in shape, he wanted to have the strength to defend himself if push came to shove.

By lunch time he fed the twins and headed to the kitchens where he ate an unsatisfying amount of calories in manakeesh and halloumi (Dick could kill for a cheeseburger or a real pizza but, hey, if he ate with everyone else at least he didn’t have to cook). After that, he left the twins with Naima and got ready to head to training but was surprised to find Samir waiting to accompany him.

It was good, he had hoped the older omega would show interest and start chaperoning him, it would be easier to slip away and head for the store he needed if his guard was Samir rather than one of the nameless people that reported his every breath to Talia, he just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

 **“You sure you should be doing this today?”** Samir asked as they left the palace grounds.

**“Why wouldn’t I?”**

Samir grabbed his arm to stop him and leaned close, his nose grazing Dick’s wrist for a second to take in a breath of his scent. **“You know why.”**

 **“Is that why you want to come today?”** Dick smirked, he had suspected he smelled close to heat but now he was sure, he wasn’t worried though, his heats were slow building and always took a day or more to really kickstart. **“Are you worried about me, Samir?”**

 **“Somebody should be.”** The older omega muttered but he didn’t press the issue and neither did Dick.

They ended walking side by side, making chit-chat about their surroundings seeing as Samir knew quite a bit about the city and enjoyed gossiping about the locals as well as the comings and goings of mercenaries, as for Dick he was just mining for information, he wanted to know anything he could about the ins and out, possible communication with the outside and their exact location.

 **“Samir.”** Dick interrupted a tangent concerning some newcomers. **“You said I could count on you, did you?”**

 **“Of course.”** Samir smiled brightly. **“Why do you ask?”**

**“There’s somewhere I’d like to go, in town.”**

**“Why do I feel it’s more than that?”** Curiosity turned into suspicion.

**“I need you to keep it a secret.”**

**“Grayson…”** Samir shook his head and glanced around to make sure they weren’t being watched but they were standing in an alley near a small garden.

 **“Please? I’ll be back in an hour at most.”** Dick pleaded with the best puppy eyes he could conjure, the kind he used to use as Robin.

Samir gave him a long-suffering look and sighed, then he pulled off his cloak and placed it on Dick, popping up the hood to obscure his face. **“You have one hour before I go looking and if anyone asks I lost track of you. Hurry.”**

Dick gave the man a grateful smile and dashed away.

A good thing about growing up with Batman was that he knew how to move quickly and discreetly, nobody looked at him twice and in less than five minutes he had found the store he was looking for- it was a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place with no front window, it looked older than Dick himself despite being immaculately clean down to the shiny copper snakes coiled around the doorway, it was filled high tech gizmos pillowed in secure casings and had random bits and pieces scattered over the counter.

The owner was a burly middle-aged beta with thinning salt-and-pepper hair and coffee colored eyes on a heavily lined face, he wore jeans and a faded stripped button shirt, his natural scent wasn’t entirely unpleasant but it was covered by the acrid smell of old sweat.

Dick looked around, perusing the goods- there were interesting trinkets that would have definitely delighted a tech nerd like Barbara but he had never been big on such things, his apartment still had a landline and he’d never bothered much with social media beyond using the bare minimum to check on his friends (Vic, Gar and Wally tended to publish a lot of witty stuff but it was Donna that shared the best photos of everyone).

“Anything specific you’re looking for, boy?” The man’s voice had a drawl to it that Dick couldn’t identify, he also chose to speak in English so he must have known something about who he was talking to. Dick did not like that.

“Comms. Anything with a secure satellite connection.” Dick hadn’t spotted any communication devices so far that he recognized but given that he wasn’t an expert and considering how miniscule some of these gadgets were he didn’t doubt he could have missed one.

“Can’t help you.” The man shook his head dismissively.

“Why not?”

“Because I like my head the way it is, on my shoulders.” The beta gestured at his own head and smirked in a way that was completely devoid of humor.

“Nobody even knows I’m here.” Dick hated the slight whine in his voice but he had no time for this argument. “Come on. Any communication device, even a laptop or a cellphone is good, hell, even a pager! Anything.”

“Won’t do you any good down here anyway. The whole city has jamming technology and we’re too deep underground of any kind of signal.” The man gestured at the air all around him with an amused expression. “This place has a lot of secrets to maintain, you know?”

“Do you ever leave? Go to the surface?” Dick was grasping at straws now but he wasn’t leaving without _something_. “You must to get your supplies.”

“City’s pretty self-sufficient but I do occasionally do business topside.” The beta agreed casually.

“When?”

“In three weeks.” The shop owner replied automatically but then frowned. “But don’t get any ideas, I can’t tell you how to get out. We always get transported out blind.” He shrugged. “Like I said- secrets.”

Dick hadn’t even considered asking for instructions, it was too risky with the twins in tow. No, he had something else in mind. That being said, three weeks kind of ruined his hope of getting the message out before his heat but he’d already known it was a longshot.

“If I give you a message to email for me next time you’re out there, can you do it?”

The man rubbed his chin and appeared to be considering this for a moment before he shook his head. “I could, but no. Not worth the risk.”

“It will be encrypted and the address is safe, won’t leave a trail. Nobody will know you’re helping me.” Dick practically begged, already mentally redacting the message. He’d send it to one of the many decoy emails Babs had set up, she’d understand and she’d trace the origin back, it would give Bruce a new lead and even they never found him they would at least know he was alive.

The beta crossed his arms, eyes narrowed. “And how would you pay for this?”

“After the message is sent…”

The man cut him off before he could promise him a fortune, Dick had no funds as a prisoner but he knew Bruce would pay anything, if not for Dick then at least for the kids when he found out they were Waynes.

“No. Up front, I don’t risk my neck for promises.”

“I can pay you in favors then.” Dick slammed his hands on the counter in front of the man and adapted quickly. “Just don’t ask me to murder anyone.”

“Someone who won’t kill in a city of assassins?” The beta frowned, looking skeptical.

“I’ll do literally anything else.” And he would, Dick was determined. He didn’t care what he had to do anymore, he’d already decided that other than killing there were no more hard limits.

“This message must be very important.” The shop owner leaned forward, his nostrils flared slightly as he took in Dick’s scent and the look on his face turned to interest.

“It is.” Dick didn’t flinch even as the beta very obviously leered at him, in fact he tossed Samir’s cloak aside and leaned forward to give shopkeeper a better view of his assets.

“Well, I’m sure there’s something you can give me.” The man reached out, running a thumb over the omega’s lower lip, his tone dripping innuendo lasciviously.

Dick bit his tongue to suppress the urge to break the guy’s arm and swallowed down the bile rising in his throat, he didn’t have time to bargain and he’d already decided he’d do anything. This was fine, it’s not like sexual harassment was anything new to omegas in general and anyway he had endured worse when he trained under Deathstroke, this was nothing, at least this he would do on his own accord. 

“…Fine.” Dick agreed bitterly and stepped around the counter, ready to get down on his knees. “Let’s get this over with.”

*

Dick found Samir in the market with three minutes to spare on his hour.

The look of relief on the other omega’s face when he showed up was so damn near tears that Dick plastered on his brightest smile and practically bounced up to his friend.

**“Tell the truth- you thought I’d run off with the circus, didn’t you?”**

**“Don’t joke, Grayson. I was worried.”** Samir looked at him from head to toe, his look of worry quickly turned into a grimace, his nose wrinkled and his lips pursed.

 **“I told you I’d be back.”** Dick remained cheery, he was well aware what he smelled like and twisted his gut with disgust but as long as he smiled he didn’t have to talk about it, as long as he smiled he was still the old Dick Grayson.

 **“Grayson…”** Samir reached for his hand but Dick just started walking.

 **“Let’s go. Can’t keep the killers waiting.”** He was dying to make a pun about assassins and ass kicking but the damn language barrier ruined his jokes.

Samir seemed reluctant but joined him, walking quickly, sour-faced and uncharacteristically silent. Dick actually felt a little bad, he knew he had an unhealthy need to be liked and he wasn’t sure if the other omega was judging him or upset on his behalf, which made him anxious but he buried that feeling deep.

As soon as they were at the training grounds, Dick was approached by a group of warriors that had been watching him work for days. He been training with a group of older martial artists all week and these guys had been showing an increasing amount of interest not in the teachers but in Dick and now they were asking him to spar.

The group consisted of several assassins of various ethnicities with South African accents, ever since they saw Dick nearly shatter a guy’s jaw with an effortless move that mixed savate and gymnastics they had had their eyes on him and were interested in the acrobatic maneuvers he had adapted to his martial arts skills.

An hour later Dick was not only sparring with them but giving pointers and teaching as they fought, it felt right, almost like he was back home teaching self-defense, except instead of college students and office ladies he was teaching battle-hardened mercenaries. All the while Samir watched with interest from the sidelines.

“I had to see it with my own eyes.” Dick was mid-split kick when the voice caught his attention. “Well, eye.”

He landed and flipped backwards until he facing the man with an angry scowl.

“Slade.”

“I heard you were dead, little bird. Glad to see you’re still kicking.” Deathstroke was wearing a lighter version of his armor, an upgrade of some sort with no helmet in sight.

“No thanks to you.” Dick scoffed, his body rapidly moving into defense position. Slade was directly responsible for his capture and while Dick couldn’t openly defy Talia, there were no rules about the mercenary.

“Spite isn’t a good look on you.” The alpha smirked at his posture and moved into his personal space. The assassins Dick had been sparring with stopped dead on their tracks to watch the exchange.

“You’re right. You open to a new contract?” He was being sarcastic because he’d never trust the man but it was worth a shot, if anyone could challenge the League it was Deathstroke, the Terminator.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Get me and couple of others out of here and you can name your price.”

“Tempting.” Slade tipped his head to the side as if he were considering the offer, staring Dick in the eye the whole time. “But no.”

“Why not?” The omega clenched his fists, annoyance coloring his tone and adrenaline making his heart beat faster against his ribs.

“I have enough money that I can decide the jobs I want to take and after how the Bat interrogated me for you? This is not a job I want.”

Dick was stunned, Batman had caught Deathstroke at some point? And apparently tried to beat Dick’s whereabouts out of the man too, so why had Bruce still not found him? How long ago was this? Was he still searching?

A sinking feeling settled in Dick’s gut, something between hope and despair that he didn’t really have a name for, something he hoped wasn’t obvious in his voice.

“Who’s spiteful now?” Dick tried to sound snarky instead, by the self-satisfied look on Slade’s face he wasn’t sure he succeeded. “I hope he made you bleed.”

“There’s something different about you, little bird.” Slade moved closer until he was towering over the omega, their bodies inches apart.

“Being a prisoner doesn’t agree with me.” Dick snarled but refused to back down, though he was glad for the baggy clothes that hid his figure and the sweat that hid any possible trace of the twins. From the corner of his eye he saw Samir come closer too, joining the other men that were all actively glaring daggers at Slade.

“No… That’s not it.” The alpha reached out and grabbed Dick’s bicep, pulling him closer, head tilting slightly as he considered the omega. Deathstroke’s nostrils flared and his pupil dilated as his smirk grew wider.

“Let go of me, Slade.” He tried to shake himself free and was immediately assaulted by the scent of aroused alpha with a sharp tang of challenge.

Dick knew exactly what Slade was doing, knew those little goading techniques like the back of his hand, he’d put up with it more than enough years before and wasn’t going to put up with it ever again. He couldn’t take the bait, he couldn’t start a fight and risk ending up pinned to the ground with a hand (or teeth) at his throat while everyone watched.

“They call you her pet, you know?” The alpha spoke right into Dick’s ear, motioning at the many people that had stopped training and sparring just to watch what was happening. “But by the smell of it she’s not the only one you answer to these days… If it’s open season, maybe you’d like a master who knows how to handle you.”

“I said, let go.” Dick growled and shoved the man, it was like pushing on a concrete wall but that didn’t stop him, he got free and shook off the smell that was triggering all his defenses.

“You always were a tease.” Slade only seemed to take the growling as a challenge and tried to back him into the crowd.

“I thought we already established I’ve outgrown your tastes.” Dick spat out angrily. Between himself, Joey and Tara, there was obvious pattern to Slade that sickened him to his core.

“I’ll be honest, I just don’t like Talia Al Ghul playing with my toys.”

Dick flipped over the alpha and grabbed a pair of daggers out the hands of one of the assassins circling them, getting into fighting stance. “Here I thought a loner like you would be great at playing with himself.”

Deathstroke turned and drew his sword, they were about to clash when suddenly Samir came out of nowhere and swept Slade’s legs before delivering a jab to the throat so powerful that the alpha fell back choking, and if the man didn’t heal so quickly the damage might have been permanent. Dick was so stunned he didn’t even notice Samir was shoving him behind himself or that the South Africans were holding Slade back and snarling at him.

 **“Enough.”** Samir growled too, it made him look his actual age for once. **“We’re leaving.”**

The omega grabbed Dick by the wrist and pulled him away, Dick was so stunned and wanted to get out of there so badly that he went willingly even if that meant turning his back on Deathstroke.

“For someone calling himself a prisoner, you’re very chummy with the guards.” Slade called out, shaking off the assassins with brute strength but did not pursue, not right away. Dick had a sick sense of satisfaction over how hoarse and pained his voice was.

Dick didn’t get to reply, Samir was towing him out in record time and a minute later they were running down a busy street heading straight for the palace without turning back.

 **“Samir. Samir, calm down!”** Dick pulled back against the other omega’s grip to get him to stop. **“It’s fine, I can handle Slade.”**

 **“It’s not fine at all. What is wrong with you today, Grayson?”** Samir clicked his tongue, frustration and concern clashing heavily in his voice as he leaned closer, pressing his nose to Dick’s jaw rather urgently. **“We need to get you out of the street right now.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- Talia does something horrific.  
> Again, brownie points to anyone that can guess what.
> 
> Remember, comments are what keeps me going in this cold harsh existence, they inspire me and motivate me to write faster. I love to hear all your thoughts so please drop a comment!


	15. The Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's heat is a disaster. Talia makes sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains NSFW and material that might be triggering to some (dub-con/non-con), in fact it triggered me enough that I left a lot of things short and vaguer than I normally would. Stay safe.

There’s something to be said about change, it sneaks up on you and before you know it you’re a different person living a different life in a different world.

That’s how Dick felt when his heat really kicked in.

He figured he’d have another day at least but Samir had been right, by the time they reached the palace he could feel it coiling in his insides already and spreading a flush through his skin. He suspected he was reacting to Slade’s presence and scent, maybe all the adrenaline was triggering his reactions or maybe his treacherous body wanted an alpha so badly it didn’t care who it was.

Dick tried to keep his wits about him. Luckily, he had help.

Once back in his room, he showered to scrub off all the unpleasant smells clinging to his skin and his mind whirled with the new information he gleaned- Bruce had been looking for him, really looking, Bruce had interrogated Slade for him… And yet nobody had found him despite that.

Slade had been under the impression Dick was dead, did that mean Bruce was too?

It was reassuring to know he hadn’t been forgotten, it was terrifying to realize that maybe there was nothing that could be done to save him. Were people mourning him already? Why did the idea of his loved ones crying over his empty coffin make him so terribly sad and angry beyond measure? 

The only bright side in all this was the hope that in a few weeks his message would be out there and they’d know, again, that he wasn’t a lost cause.

Dick was still stewing in these thoughts when he returned to the room where he found not only Samir and Naima but Fatima too, all three of them together in the same place did not bode well but he did not complain when they brought him food (which he scarfed down like a last meal because he was aware of often he forgot to eat while in heat) and took care of the twins so he’d have some space.

By nighttime Dick was feeling restless, he wasn’t burning yet but his skin felt stretched all wrong over his bones and he couldn’t stop fidgeting, normally he’d be horny and frustrated by that point but instead he just felt exposed in hostile territory and his paranoia told him not to take his eyes off the boys for a second.

Samir solved the problem by dragging Dick to bed and plopping the babies on his chest, they seemed just as restless and not happy that their parent smelled different all of the sudden but he sang to them, the Flying Trapeze was his go to when he didn’t know what else to do to calm the kids down and it worked eight out of ten times. All three of them fell asleep by the third encore of the song.

*

Dick had no idea how long he’d slept but it couldn’t be much at all, he felt wired in all the wrong ways and wondered if the AC was broken because he was on fire. There was warmth sizzling just under the surface of his skin, the blood in his veins felt carbonated and he was acutely aware of a heavy cloud of warm sweet pheromones spilling out of him and permeating every corner of the room.

The twins had been moved onto the bed but they were still close, it was a good thing because Dick didn’t think he could relax if they were out of his reach but at the same time he’d obviously been fidgeting and thrashing in his sleep, the bed was a mess and it just felt wrong, everything felt wrong.

Dick dragged himself out of bed, he wasn’t thinking straight anymore and was just searching for safety anywhere he could, he wanted to burrow somewhere, he needed the scent of his alpha to soothe his nerves which felt like exposed electrical wires on the verge of a short-circuit.

The arousal hadn’t reached painful levels but it was frustrating, like an itch he couldn’t scratch and a thirst he couldn’t quench.

It reminded Dick, deliriously, of his first heat when he was thirteen- Bruce and Alfred had taken turns watching over him, comforting him and making sure he didn’t get dehydrated but there was no emotion connected to it, his body craved to be filled but he was so young and didn’t understand what that meant yet so there was only frustration and pain on his part and no real attraction from anyone in their small pack, only protectiveness.

It had been just a chemical reaction, his body at odds with his instincts, and it felt like that now too because the instinct to keep the twins safe tried to override his body’s need to mate.

A hand on his back startled him into reacting and he nearly decked Naima in the face if she hadn’t been expecting it and dodged so quickly, the beta wasn’t bothered though and stopped him on his tracks, Dick hadn’t even noticed that he was heading for the door until that moment and suddenly he was keenly aware of various new scents drawing him in, betas and alphas, beyond that same door.

The maid snapped her fingers to get his attention back and dumped a pile of spare blankets and pillows into his arms. It was a distraction, he knew that, but it was a good one.

Dick had never been one for nesting, he never felt vulnerable enough to need it but now he had two infants to protect while his body burned and his brain melted into a mushy pile of hormones so he figured if there was ever a time for his instincts to shift it was now.

The blankets and pillows were piled all around the bed and he reconfigured the red and green drapes that hung over the bed into a makeshift fort, it was a little cramped but cozy and shielded. Even half asleep the twins seemed to like it, they stopped fussing and relaxed in the condensed cloud of Dick’s scent.

The nest was a good start but he was still restless. Heat was starting to spread a vicious flush up his body and making him feel feverish and dazed, a nagging hunger was chewing at his gut, sweat already beading on his skin and muscles tense and pulled too taut. He was having a really hard time resisting the urge to grind into the bed until he screamed.

He felt the bed dip and his nest being disturbed, he nearly growled before he recognized all three nursemaids. He wasn’t so far gone yet that he’d be tempted to seduce any of them but he worried his scent might be sending mixed signals… Until Samir cuddled close with the twins between them, Fatima tangled with them too and hummed softly, and Naima spooned him from behind and rubbed his back just right.

 **“Rest. We will protect you.”** Naima murmured right in his ear.

Dick hadn’t slept in a puppy pile since the circus, back then it wasn’t unusual for people in the same pack or the same vitsa to sleep like this, specially the kids. It was comforting, safe and innocent and made him feel less alone. In a few hours, maybe a full day, he wouldn’t be able to stand the proximity or the contact but for the time being he would cling on to that security and companionship.

He missed his pack, he wished they were the ones protecting him but would they really? They had always been such a strange unbalanced bunch and physical displays of gratuitous affection weren’t really their thing.

Maybe… Maybe he could pretend this was his pack now, just for a little while...

*

Through the haze in his feverish brain Dick was only half sure he was awake, he kept slipping in and out of awareness, time passing like a dream when he was too out of it to think, too focused on chasing some sort of relief to really care about anything else.

He didn’t know the time, didn’t know how long he’d been out, didn’t even know what was happening until he felt hot lava coiling in his insides and making him squirm.

«Right. Heat.» Even thinking the words was hard, his brain was too much of a fuzzy mess to form complicated thoughts and his whole existence felt like one giant itch.

Dick squirmed, the only reason he was aware that he was alone in his nest was because he couldn’t smell anyone that could help put out the need eating at him from the inside. Where was his alpha? Why…?

Right, he had no alpha, he was a prisoner. Dick had forgotten that for a moment.

He tried to focus, trying to take stock of his situation- he knew the kids had been moved at some point when he started getting delirious, he remembered having fever dreams too, he knew he babbled and called from Bruce at some point, he knew someone had suggested asking Talia for orders because he remembers violently objecting to that idea, he remembers someone coaching water down his throat… It’s all just a bunch of disjointed little bits of very fuzzy memory.

Somewhere distantly he could hear noise, people arguing maybe. He opened his eyes sluggishly and looked around trying to understand the commotion but his little nest obscured everything from sight.

 **“Please, Miss Talia, leave him be.”** Naima’s begging reached him and he forced him to shake off the daze.

Talia. Talia was there, he needed to be lucid, couldn’t drop his guard.

 **“He does not want you near him.”** Samir this time, his voice hard and low.

“Richard!” Talia called sternly, using her alpha command with such force that Dick almost broke his neck with how fast he snapped at attention. “Are you going to keep cowering in that mess like a pathetic child or am I going to have to drag you out?”

Dick fought with some blankets and drapes until he could emerge enough to take in the scene- Samir was blocking Talia just inside the door, his body tense and posed for a fight, Naima and Fatima each held one of the crying twins and where blocking the view of the bed. Talia looked annoyed at the little rebellion in her hands.

Samir spoke up again, polite but firm, trying his best not to growl. **“Please let him be, Miss Talia…”** He was cut off when Talia hit a pressure point in his chest so hard that he collapsed coughing up blood.

 **“Samir!”** Dick finally reacted and stumbled out of the bed, he didn’t even care that he was flushed and perspired and that he had kicked off all his clothes save his underwear at some point (hadn’t he kicked that off too? He was pretty sure he had but somehow the white shorts were on), he didn’t care about a thing because Talia was a threat but also an alpha and his instincts warred between obeying and ripping her throat out.

“There you are.” Talia had her heel pressed into the side of Samir’s face as if she were about to squash a cockroach but let go when she saw Dick and focused on him instead, examining him critically. “Forever the troublemaker.”

“What the hell, Talia?!” He rushed forward and stumbled to his knees to check on Samir, luckily the other omega was alive, just having a little trouble breathing and choosing to stay down submissively. “He did nothing wrong.”

“I’ve killed people for less than talking back at me. Be glad he is still necessary.” Talia spoke as if she was tired of the topic already and crossed her arms. “Now, are you coming with me or do we have to do this in front of everyone?”

“Do what?” Dick shivered, Talia’s face was cool and expressionless but her nails were digging in just a little too hard into her biceps and her hazel eyes were filled with fury and… something else.

And damn it, she smelled so good, so stupidly good, all power and dominance and lilacs in a desert oasis.

“I will not ask again, Richard.” The command was back in her voice, leaving no room for argument.

“Yes. Yes, I’ll go.” Dick practically crawled to her and then realized how pathetic that was and forced himself to stand up and at least _try_ to look dignified. “Just leave them alone.”

Talia said nothing more and merely started walking away, Dick only had time to grab a blanket to cover himself with and followed, a little wobbly and growling at guards that came too close. He knew he looked like hot mess and smelled like an even hotter invitation but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to fight anyone that tried to touch him.

They ended up in a beautiful luxurious room, spacious with a massive bed covered in silks, there were plants all over, antique rugs, incense burning and emerald curtains obscuring massive ornate windows. Dick assumed it was Talia’s room because it smelled so intensely like her that it punched the air right out of his lungs.

He just wanted to curl in that stupid bed and soak up the smell of alpha, he just wanted to kneel and beg to be taken.

“Richard.” Talia called from behind him and Dick realized he’d been spacing out and panting slightly in his effort to stay sane, in the meanwhile the door had been locked and Talia was right there, her fingertips tracing up his spine.

“What do you want?” Dick grit his teeth and shivered, it was getting hard to think again. His grip on the blanket faltered and it slipped down his body.

“You swore loyalty to me but you are causing trouble that I cannot ignore.” Talia’s hands rested on his shoulders, her proximity should make him defensive but for some reason her perfectly manicured nails bit into his skin and those pinpricks of pain had him wanting more.

“If this is about… About this…” He waved at himself, flushed and oozing arousal. “I’m sorry if it’s a distraction but I can’t control it.”

“As if a bitch in heat were enough to distract the most disciplined people on Earth.” Her voice was threatening and her nails dug in deeper but all Dick noticed was how he could feel the warmth of her body so close to his.

“Then what? Is it about Slade? He… He started it.” Dick had to take a shaky breath to try to focus, her scent was intoxicating and he hated that his body was reacting so easily. “I didn’t even get a punch in.”

“No, the problem is that little knack you have to make others defy their loyalties for you.” Talia shoved him suddenly and he all but spilled onto the bed as she towered over him. “But since you mentioned Wilson, he was indeed the one that made me realize what I must do.”

“Are you finally going to kill me?” Dick stared as Talia daintily removed her shoes and then made her way to the edge of the bed.

“No, Richard. That would be a waste, you still have skills I need.” She reached behind her neck and undid the strap holding up her elegant turquoise dress. “And charismatic leaders are hard to come by, I respect that about you.”

“Then what are you going to do?” He was confused by the body language but couldn’t stop staring as the dress spilled down her flawless skin like water.

“I’m going to use you, of course.” Talia moved onto the bed like a predator and straddled his thighs, Dick was feeling a toxic mix of horror and excitement that made him bite the inside of his cheek and fist his hands in the bedding to resist the urge to run away, or worse.

“And the kids?” He hated how his voice trembled, hated even more how his heartbeat raced when she draped her arms over his shoulders.

“Nothing has to change if you just behave.” Talia leaned close, her head tilted expectantly. “Relax, Richard.”

Dick was not proud of how easily he melted for her, he tipped his head back and exposed his throat for her, whining in confusion and arousal. “What are you…?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t need it.” She scented him and kissed a line up his neck in a way that should be sensual but just felt dangerous to him, like she was still deciding whether to rip his throat or not.

“Talia…” He shifted and tried to pull away but when her teeth grazed his skin he could have cried at how badly he wanted to cave.

What was left of Dick’s rational mind wanted to protest what was happening but it also seemed to be making excuses, rationalizing that this meant nothing, that he was just trying to stay on her good side… It didn’t matter much because the arguments were slipping from his brain like water through a sieve, whatever Talia was doing with her scent was the opposite of soothing and the smell of the incense just seemed to intensify it.

“Behave, Richard.” She purred the command, it had him almost collapsing as his bones turned to jelly.

Dick’s head was screaming at him that this was Catalina all over again but his body didn’t care anymore, he was pliant for her even as he bit his lip hard enough to bleed, really trying to claw at some clarity. Talia didn’t like that, she kissed him, tugging his lower with her teeth to stop him from biting as she swallowed up his whimper.

He didn’t exactly kiss back so much as bite her lips instead of his own, he didn’t have enough strength to fight but he still recognized who this was and the hate was there even as he caved.

Dick knew enough about heat rapes and date drugs to know the situation he was in, he didn’t know why Talia was doing this but he knew if she pushed him just a little further he’d completely lose track of was happening and then he’d probably beg her for it and not care how much he’d hate himself later.

Talia knew this too, by the way she touched him, her hands slipping into his underwear to tease his painfully hard erection and her swollen lips sucking marks into his collarbone, it was obvious that she was just waiting for him to crack. She was relentless.

Eventually all Dick was aware of was a soft powerful body against his, a scent like a drug, heat bubbling up through his veins and clouding his mind with feverish haze.

Even delirious he tried to say no in all the ways his muddled mind could conjure up, he knew he was babbling but he said it, he’s sure of it, and she just told him to shush.

At some point Talia removed what was left of both their clothing, naked on top of him with dark glistening skin and perfect perky curves she was beautiful like some sort of vengeful goddess… Dick couldn’t care less about how beautiful she was. He was turning a little feral, every time she kissed him he bit and snarled, we she lowered herself onto his cock and rode him he clawed at her thighs and up her back and thrashed until she had to pin him down and restrain him.

It was hate sex, pure and simple. Sweaty, snarling, primal, depraved hate sex.

Before long Dick was whining, he was burning and it wasn’t enough, he was so empty and hollow, like a fiery black hole consuming him from the inside out and making him plead blinding for the alpha to _please just fucking take him_.

Talia considered the pleas as she rode him slow and hard; as an alpha she had the necessary equipment and was clearly ready to use it but there a bit of sadistic glee in making him beg and watching him squirm. Then again, there was just as much cruel enjoyment to be had in dominating Dick completely.

She flipped him over with a misleading amount of strength and shoved his face into the bedding, one hand on his neck and the other digging into his hip as she plunged roughly into his tight dripping body with no preamble, her breath coming out in soft little pants and hums of pleasure that echoed in Dick’s skull as obscenely as the wet slapping sounds of flesh.

Talia was ruthless in her rhythm and had him pinned down making noises that were a cross of pain and need, like a wounded animal begging for mercy.

Dick didn’t know what he felt anymore, even as she fucked the daylights out of him all he could think off was wrong it all felt, how everything was just wrong, how he was letting this happen _again_. His body sang for her even as his heart screamed in agony.

It seemed like hours clawing at the sheets and crying out with his body drenched in sweat and fluids being violated hard enough to shove him roughly into the bed with each thrust, his mind breaking down before Talia forced the orgasm right out of him.

“I ha...hate you… Fucking hate…” Dick choked out the words even as he painted the rich silk sheets white and trembled.

Talia dug a hand in his hair in return and pulled hard enough that his scalp burned and his back arched in ways only someone as flexible as Dick could achieve as she continued her vicious fucking (because there was no other name for it) over and over and over until finally, finally, she slammed in deep and stilled, flooding his body with all it craved.

The physical relief was almost instant, like taking an extinguisher to a blaze and watching the foam smother the flames, but the mental distress was only just starting.

Dick was struggling to catch his breath, body still arched and his scalp still aching from her brutal grip, when he felt a mouth exploring the back of his neck, tongue laving at his mating gland in a way that was almost mind-numbingly good before teeth latched on and then… Talia did the unthinkable.

Those perfect pearly white teeth sank into his flesh cruelly and sharply, breaking the skin before Dick could react or fight back, his eyes went wide with utter panic and he screamed.

He couldn’t move, when he tried Talia growled and sunk her teeth in deeper until blood wasn’t just beading on his flesh but actively dripping down his throat and staining the ruined silks; he couldn’t breathe either but that was the terror, his lungs constricted like they had been tossed in a trash compactor, he was trembling and only vaguely aware of the wet streaks cutting a path down his cheeks.

Talia had claimed him, actually _claimed_ him like he was her goddamned property.

Dick could already feel the metaphorical leash forming around his throat, the bond that tied him to her like barbed wire wrapped around his organs digging into the marrow of his bones as her hormones or essence or whatever DNA it was seeped into his blood and colored him in her hues.

To add to the horror was a terrible invasive feeling that she could see into him and know his every emotion and the horrid sensation of his entire sense of self suddenly breaking apart and reforming around the jagged edges of her existence, all things he thought were the product of romance novels and not real at all.

When Talia’s teeth finally left his skin with a disgusting squelch, she licked at the wound and it just felt like a snake injecting her poison deeper into his bloodstream.

How dare she? How could she do this? Why?!

Dick collapsed and curled up, shaking and clasping both hands on his neck as that was going to do him any good. Talia was saying something, her voice low as she ran her knuckles down his damp cheek in a mockery of something soothing, he didn’t hear a word, the shock a dulled all his senses and he no longer felt like he was burning- instead he just felt poisoned and violated in ways too deep to really express, he felt cold down to his very soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small notes first:  
> \- bonds work a little differently in this AU than in classic A/B/O.  
> \- I mentioned "vitsas", Romani live in bands (usually families) or vitsas (small communities or clans drawn together by common ancestors or by necessity).
> 
> Anyway, Dick has been slowly changing and adapting to everything thrown at him but can he overcome this straw?
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.   
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.
> 
> (I wonder if I should mention my ko-fi and tumblr here? Both are open to anyone looking to show support).


	16. Baby Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick dwells in the mess his life has become. He might be a little depressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual **Arabic** and **_Romanes_** gist.
> 
> I was going to use this chapter for a time skip, but I felt Dick's trauma needed to be addressed so here's a chapter about Dick dealing with trauma and making a decision that will shape the future of the story.  
> Time skip in the next chapter.
> 
> The wonderful honeybunfujo on tumblr made a lovely playlist inspired by this fic!  
> [Check it out!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ek7Iad1WsZ1KBoX5QnZIR)
> 
> Lot's of love for my peeps at the BruDick Shippers chatroom on tumblr.

**“You have to eat at some point.”** Naima’s stern voice rang out loudly in the otherwise empty room.

Yeah, no thanks. Dick merely rolled onto his side and covered his head with a stray blanket. The beta was trying to coach him out of his nest, he’d been back in his room for a full day and had yet to let anyone see him- it was bad enough they could smell him, bad enough they could smell _her_ on him even after he scrubbed himself raw in the shower with the hottest water the taps allowed.

He still couldn’t believe he’d spent his heat with Talia! How could have been so _stupid_?

Truth be told, she didn’t give him a choice but he should have been stronger than that, right? But then she had claimed him and everything after than was worse than a drunken blur, he woke up in his own bed two days later with only vague snippets of memory and a corrosive feeling of self-hatred and shame.

Claimed. He was claimed.

The very idea that Talia had claimed him was abhorrent. She had taken something sacred, an act of love and absolute trust, and defiled it into something ugly and manipulative.

As far as the rest of the world was concerned he belonged to her now, she had burrowed into his very being like a parasite, that mark would be a beacon to show the world she had dominated him. That scar was going to make it so much harder for him to disobey her commands, to so much as be away from her, he was stuck with her under his skin for the rest of his goddamned life now.

All emotional and spiritual implications aside, Dick knew what was waiting for him- if he thought his life had changed at the start of the heat, now he felt like he had been torn to shreds and glued back together with scotch tape. He was no longer the old Dick Grayson, this was going to change him so irreversibly that nobody from his old life would be able to recognize him.

His body was going to be become conditioned to need Talia, his scent was going to carry a little piece of her everywhere, and it would be damn well near impossible for him to ever Bond with anyone that intimately again… Oh god, what would Bruce say? Dick didn’t think Bruce would have ever wanted to claim him but having the option removed so viciously, and by an enemy at that, was just… Bruce would be so disappointed, disgusted even, Dick would bet his life on that.

Talia would also be able to sense his proximity, and if close enough she’d be able to feel his most of his emotions so that it would be hard to ever hide his intentions from her again, she’d be able to tug on those strings if she wanted and Dick would never be able to do the same, he would never have the privilege of owning the same power over her. They would never have a true Bond, they would never be Mates with a capital M, because they hated each other and he was never going to reciprocate and bite her back, he’d never take that final step that would lock them together forever.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that that she treated him like property.

It wasn’t fair that she stole any possible future of love from him. Who would want him with that red flag on his neck? Not that he cared so much about others wanting him but how could _Bruce_ ever want him again?

That was probably what Talia had planned, Dick knew she didn’t want him but if having him meant Bruce wouldn’t want him? That was a small price for her to pay and Dick didn’t doubt she was cruel enough to pay it.

It wasn’t fair that she’d taken away his only chance sharing that beautiful ultimate sign of devotion and connection with someone he actually loved.

And what would his friends say when they saw he belonged to a villain now? Would his allies ever trust him again? Would he trust himself now that his feelings were compromised?

It wasn’t fair that alphas could do that, could claim whomever they pleased, more than once, and never have to suffer any consequences.

It wasn’t fair that he was stuck with someone he hated for the rest of his life.

Alright, sure, he’d heard fairy tales of claims fading if they weren’t renewed or if someone died but that took years and that was if it ever happened at all. He’d heard rumors of polyamorous claims and Bonds too but he’d never seen those either and besides, all sides would need to bond and consent and Talia sure as hell would never accept anyone else taking what’s hers.

Dick felt like his heart had been ripped out and sew back in inside out. Everything was wrong.

Who was this pathetic person wearing his skin? It certainly wasn’t Nightwing, it wasn’t even in the vicinity of anything hero related.

This person was no vigilante, no warrior, no performer, he wasn’t a precocious circus kid, cheerful side-kick or a devoted ward, he wasn’t a team leader or even a loyal lover anymore. He was nothing, a shell for Talia to shape and use, an incubator, a glorified babysitter, a slave and a toy to be broken by a capricious hand.

Dick felt pathetic.

He’d always been an expert at adapting, he’d always known how to push down the darkness and see the brightness of the stars, he’d always been trusting and believed in the kindness of others, he’d also always been the rock and guiding light for everyone else; sure he had a temper but he also always knew when to step back, when to show compassion. He was the one that made sacrifices for the sake of everyone else.

Now though? That person was gone, what point was there struggling so much to see the bright side anymore? Where _the fuck_ even was the bright side in his current reality? Who was he even staying strong for? It was his turn to be weak, he could allow himself that much.

And he felt dirty, defiled and broken.

Dick had never hated being an omega, he’d never had all that internalized self-hatred and self-pity so common to other omegas due to society’s stereotypes, he’d never feared the discrimination or harassment (he was circus Roma, harassment was his bread and butter) but now? Now he hated what he’d become with every fiber of his being.

He’d lost control, he’d been weak, he’d dropped his guard and let the villain in, his body had betrayed him over and over again.

Honestly, Dick kind of just wanted to dunk himself in acid and hope he could burn away the filth he felt sticking to him along with the brand healing on his neck and the smell of that woman from his skin. He’d appreciate a whole case of vodka too, something to black out the memory of the past several days (it gave him a whole new respect for Roy’s struggles).

Instead all he did was curl in bed and hide from the world, he had no patience to deal with human interaction, no strength to care for himself. He didn’t even have in him to cry, he was long past that point.

 **“I’m still waiting for you to eat.”** Naima chided after who knows how long, he buried himself deeper. **“Tt. Stubborn child.”**

Dick didn’t say anything, he’d been lying there for so long that his whole body ached and the piles of blankets were too warm and stifling but as long as he could pretend the outside world didn’t exist for a little while longer that was fine.

 **“The children miss you.”** The beta added after a long uncomfortable silence.

He didn’t believe that, they were babies, they had no concept of what ‘missing someone’ was. So long as they were fed and spoiled by someone they probably wouldn’t care who it was. Besides, they were better wherever Fatima had carted them off too, Dick couldn’t even handle himself, much less a pair of kids that needed undivided attention.

Did it make him a bad person that he didn’t want to deal with them? Didn’t want to see them or handle the headache of hearing them cry? Was he horrible for not having the patience for his babies?

His. Were they really ever his? They’d been under Talia’s rule before they even came into the world, they were only alive because of her, they even seemed to like her, so why shouldn’t he let her keep them? She’d already taken everything else, what was one more thing?

He didn’t want to see the children, not like this. He couldn’t be the person they needed him to be, he didn’t feel worthy of protecting them after he’d been so weak, he didn’t feel deserving of them or the happiness they gave him after he’d let himself become this pathetic soiled thing.

Maybe if he ignored them they’d be better off with one of the other caretakers, maybe if he rejected his duties towards them Talia would finally consider him useless and get rid him, end his misery in one fell swoop (that sounded tempting).

All those thoughts felt sour in his mind but they persisted. A part of Dick still wanted to cling to his babies as the last little shard of light in his bleary existence, he wanted to keep them safe from the horrors he’d gone through, but at this point he felt like he had during the pregnancy again- his heart wanted to let them go now before he could love them even more, let them go by his own choice rather than have them ripped away later.

The fear of losing the twins sent him into a vicious cycle, wanting to detach himself to avoid the pain only for the detachment to feel more painful than ever.

He remembered Scarecrow once calling him ‘the boy without fear’, he remembered how awful fear toxin was and how well he learned to counter it by getting angry at the hallucinations rather than scared (he handled the toxin far better than Bruce ever had but the alpha would die before he admitted that), he remembered all this and wondered if he’d ever feel like that person again because at the moment he’d never been more terrified in this life.

The bed dipped and Dick wished he had the energy to growl and tell the beta to leave him alone but he didn’t and she tugged away his blankets enough to find him, pausing for a moment before she ran her fingers through his hair.

 **“I know you didn’t want her. I’m sorry we couldn’t stop her.”** Naima sounded sad and truly remorseful **. “But perhaps she was trying to help.”**

 **“…Help?”** That finally got a reaction out of Dick. He couldn’t have heard right, could he? **“HELP?!”**

 **“Grayson…”** Naima sighed when sat up abruptly, anger bursting out of him like fireworks.

 **“What part of… of _that_ was helping me?”** He couldn’t even say the word, it sickened him too much, instead he shoved down the collar of his shirt and pointed at the deeply bruised bite mark, and ugly mash of mottled purples and reds and sickly yellows like trampled flowers. **“What part of this was helpful?”**

**“You were suffering.”**

**“I would have preferred to burn to death!”**

**“You are under her protection now, practically part of her…”**

**“Don’t you say it.”** Dick interrupted with a snarl **. “I don’t belong to her.”**

 **“Has it ever occurred to you that this might be good for everyone?”** Naima’s usually strict demeanor was gone, she appeared to be walking on eggshells instead.

 **“How is…”** Dick stopped, shook his head, he couldn’t even make sense of that statement, it was just that absurd. **“No, just… How is it good when it feels worse than torture?”**

**“As a claim of the Al Ghuls nobody else will touch you.”**

**“At what cost? My freedom? My identity? My heart?”** He knew he was screaming, he didn’t care. **“What ever happened to consent?”**

 **“…I… I cannot pretend to know Miss Talia’s motives…”** Naima looked at her hands twisting in her lap, she seemed conflicted and that was new to Dick. **“…but I’m sure she had good reasons.”**

 **“She’s a monster.”** He snarled, the hate rising inside him like bile burning in his throat.

 **“I understand that you are angry but think of the children.”** The beta pleaded, grasping at straws.

 **“The children have nothing to do with this.”** Not everything had to be about the twins, Dick wished that just for a moment someone would let this be about him and him only, he wished someone would acknowledge _his_ pain as an individual and not just a package deal with the boys.

 **“But they do. Nobody can doubt who their mother is now and therefore they will be respected and protected.”** Naima was trying to bargain, trying to distract him from the real point by using what the League’s warped view of the world would see as a positive but it only inflamed Dick further.

**“They would have all that and more if we weren’t prisoners in Talia’s little golden cage!”**

**“They belong to her, they should be with her. She loves them, perhaps you should try to give her a chance.”** She might have meant well, but that was the worst thing anyone could have said to him.

 **“What in the name of God are you saying?!”** Dick shouted loud enough for the woman to flinch. He knew they all believed the crap Talia spouted about being the real mother and how Dick was just a surrogate but, goddamn them, he was _tired_ of it. **“They don’t belong to her! They never did! And she doesn’t love, she’s just obsessed with their father and wants to use them. No, she wants to use one of them, she couldn’t care less about Cosmo.”**

 **“Well, you are entitled to your perspective.”** Naima tried to sound dismissive but she couldn’t look him in the eye and she was worrying her lip between slightly crooked pearly teeth.

 **“It’s not just my opinion, it’s the truth!”** He didn’t remember when he untangled from the nest but he was on his feet and throwing the first thing he found (the food tray) against the wall with a crash. **“That woman is a monster.”**

 **“I know!”** The beta got up as well, shouting and throwing her hands in the air before she caught herself and wilted; her shoulders sagged and her voice became a whisper. **“We all know.”**

 **“What?”** Dick didn’t expect that, not when he’d seen their blind devotion to Talia and their willingness to lie to themselves over and over.

 **“The Master has driven her to become this… this thing. I remember how she used to be and I believe even _he_ fears what she has become…”** Naima looked torn, frightened even, like she knew something nobody else did. **“But she still loves, she is still wise and devoted to the cause, she is willing to do what others cannot, she will change the world.”**

 **“Absolutely none of that justifies what she has done to me!”** Dick didn’t care if Talia really did love Damian (or Bruce, she could have been his fucking soulmate and Dick wouldn’t care) and he didn’t care if she actually had good intentions for the world, he didn’t give a damn because none of that made her good person.

The path to Hell was paved with good intentions after all.

 **“…No. No, it does not.”** The beta sighed in defeat.

 **“How can you defend her?”** Dick felt betrayed, it hurt worse than he expected, like a knife had been nestled between his ribs this whole time but he only noticed when it was twisted.

He knew he’d come to care about all three of the maids but he’d never realized how much, never seen how much he’d started to consider them as friends and even a sort of makeshift pack, until the moment Naima’s words slapped him in the face.

 **“Tt…”** Naima clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes, acting a little more like usual self. **“We swore our lives to the League, not to her, but what else can we do? Rebel? Then you’d be alone.”**

The answer stung, Dick understood that all the maids were still trying to protect him but the way Naima rationalized the blame out of Talia’s hands just made him so furious that he couldn’t think straight.

 **“Leave me.”** He muttered and crawled back into bed, curling up tight and exhausted under the blankets that gave no comfort whatsoever.

 **“Grayson…”** Naima sounded pained and concerned, she tried to reach out to touch him again but he slapped her hands away.

 **“LEAVE!”** Dick bellowed and felt a sick sense of satisfaction when he saw her startle and flinch before leaving the room, a satisfaction that lasted all of two seconds before he dove headfirst back into his personal pit of despair.

*

Dick was _not_ suicidal.

At least, he didn’t _think_ he was.

Sure, sometimes he did consider how much less painful it would be to just cease to exist or go to sleep and never wake up; and yes, there were times where he just wished Talia had killed him instead of everything else she’d put him through but that didn’t really mean anything, right?

Just because the thoughts sometimes popped into his head unbidden didn’t mean he was going to act on them.

No, Dick didn’t want to die, he wasn’t the kind to give up like that. Other people depended on him, so it was time to adapt again and push forward.

It took him a few days to come to this realization, he’d been ignoring everyone and refusing to eat or get out of bed but his room was still the twins’ room too and at some point he had to cave and when Damian started crying non-stop that was as good a reason as any to snap out of it.

It was unclear why Damian was crying. He didn’t need to be fed or changed and he had slept fairly well but he just started bawling one afternoon and wouldn’t stop.

Fatima was the only person there because Naima was resting and Samir was still away recovering since Talia had injured him (though everyone swore he was fine) and Dick decided to take pity on the maid instead of himself for a change.

He knew he looked like a wreck after not showering, shaving or changing his clothes for days and his hair was a knotted mess but he was pretty sure Damian didn’t care what he looked like so long as he was giving the kid attention.

Two hours later the boy was still wailing and Cosmo was becoming more and more upset about it so Dick let Fatima take the youngest twin for a walk while he held a squabbling Damian to his shoulder and paced the room sluggishly. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he needed the energy to move and after so long without eating he felt nauseous just thinking about food.

 ** _“I know I’ve been a crap parent, baby bat, but could you please cut me some slack?”_** Dick grumbled, he was so tired even though all he’d done lately was sleep. Damian just cried harder until he was red faced and hiccupping on his own breath. **_“Please tell me this is not a teething thing again.”_**

It wasn’t, Dick figured that out quickly. He tried repositioning kid but it didn’t help, he considered giving the child a bath to see if the water calmed him but Dick didn’t trust himself enough near water to do that, not that he would hurt the baby though, he was just worried he might pass out halfway.

He ended up resorting to a faithful old tool but after half an hour repeating the Flying Trapeze in a monotone drawl to no avail other than a growing migraine, he figured there really might not be anything he could do.

Dick was starting to wonder if Damian was sick, he was considering asking for help when he tripped on a toy and had to brace himself and roll to avoid dropping Damian, he ended up falling on his rear and just sat there with the wailing baby on his lap.

The offending toy was the little blue elephant, Dick suddenly had the burning urge to kick it across the room and watch it explode into a pile of stuffing but instead he picked it up and held it to Damian, it gave him an idea.

 ** _“You know what, I promise someday I’ll show the movie where this is from but until then just bear with me, I really don’t have the right voice for this one.”_** He muttered without much interest but he did clear his throat and leaned back against the edge of the bed with his head tipped back, then began to sing. _“Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine…”_

Damian wasn’t really fazed at first but after Dick started rubbing his little belly in time with the melody he his crying toned to tired sniffles. Dick took that as victory and didn’t dare stop singing even though there was no soul in it, he was just belting out the words automatically and barely feeling anything other than a headache and low blood sugar.

He didn’t even notice when Fatima returned until he heard Cosmo crying right next to him. Dick turned his head and saw the beta offer the baby to him with cautious compassion in her amber eyes.

**“Want him?”**

Dick nodded, he accepted Cosmo in his lap while still holding Damian one handed. The younger twin was crying in a way that was new to Dick, a couple of weeks before he would have been proud to say that he could tell what each twin wanted by the different types of cries they used but at the moment he had no idea what the youngest wanted, all he could tell was that the kid’s scent translated into something upset and even a little sad.

Could babies even understand sad? Dick wasn’t sure.

From his place sprawled on Dick’s lap, Cosmo made a whiny sound and stared at his father, reaching out for him with grabby hands. He’d never done any of that, unlike Damian he’d never really cared for faces and had never shown any interest in initiating contact and when Dick didn’t pick him up right away the baby hiccupped and threatened to start screaming.

 ** _“Ok, ok, I’m here.”_** Dick had to juggle Damian a little but managed to pull the younger twin to his chest, his head tipped down so he could bury his nose in wispy black hair and take in that unique baby smell of both boys.

Cosmo whimpered into his chest and it was nothing like Damian’s exhausting distraught screaming from earlier or his tired squirming and whining now, all of it actually cracked a little something inside Dick. When had he stopped knowing them like the back of his hand? How did he ever think he could stop caring? How had he ever imagined he could get tired of them or let them go?

“I’m sorry…” Dick wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for but his voice was trembling, his face was still nestled between their little heads.

He heard the door click as Fatima left to give him space and that’s when he realized his face was wet, tears cutting pathways down his cheeks as everything he’d been bottling up for days came bursting out. He hugged the twins tight enough that they squeaked a little until he loosened his grip.

 ** _“I’m sorry.”_** He apologized again between teary gasps. **_“None of this mess if your fault but you need me and I’ve just lying around feeling sorry for myself. It won’t happen again, whatever happens to me from here on out I won’t let it hurt you too. I promise.”_**

And he meant it.

Dick swore to himself then and there that he was going to survive anything Talia threw at him even if he had to do it out of sheer stubbornness, but it wouldn’t be for himself or for Bruce or in some misguided hope of rescue, he was going to survive everything for _them_.

If breaking him down was what Talia wanted to do she could do it so long as he still had a say with the twins, if she wanted to ruin him she could so long as she didn’t touch them, if she had to use him he’d let her so long as she didn’t take them away.

Dick decided it was time he truly grew up, he would take whatever fate dished out and he’d wear it close to his chest, he would harden, he would wear his smile like a shield and he would never let his pain show again because all that mattered now was making sure the twins knew they were loved. He had to make sure Talia wouldn’t ruin them too.

Bruce always said the mission was priority, the mission was everything. Well, now Damian and Cosmo were Dick’s mission, so long as he had that he could survive anything.

 _“Baby mine, don’t you cry…”_ Dick started singing again, this time with inflection, with real feeling. He rocked the boys softly and allowed himself to cry because he told himself it would be the very last time. _“Little ones, when you play, don’t you mind what they say. Let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear… Baby of mine.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever decide to make playlists, moodboards, fanart, headcanons, or literally anything else inspired by my fic please tell me. I will love you for eternity and link it here and on tumblr.
> 
> Also my tumblr is [valkerymillenia](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to drop by my blog if you want to talk, ask anything, share anything, check out my stuff or if you want to show support in any way (I really appreciate any support).
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	17. Local Man Lives Vicariously Trough His Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time kicks Dick's butt while he tries to stay sane.  
> The twins get older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual **Arabic** and **_Romanes_** distinction.

Time passed weirdly after that first heat with Talia. Dick felt like he was trapped inside an hourglass, the sand pouring so fast around him but he was so focused on what was beyond the glass that he only noticed he was being suffocated when he occasionally looked around. So he chose not to look.

The first few weeks with the bite healing on his neck were bizarre, he felt like a different person trying to adjust to a world he had only ever seen from afar but never truly experienced. He felt like nothing was truly tangible or real, he almost couldn’t feel his own body and he was stuck watching himself on autopilot.

People in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban didn’t know Dick’s real name or his vigilante identity at all but that didn’t mean they didn’t know him, they started to give him a wide berth and dirty looks, others deferred to him like he had just been promoted to a station above them. He never really forgot he was basically a slave but apparently being _Talia’s_ slave put him higher in the hierarchy than pretty much any foot soldier, assassin or merc. It was a little jarring.

What was also jarring was when he went to market to figure out if his message had been sent and found the tech shop closed and empty with the owner’s severed head on a pike right in front of the door- the face was hardly recognizable in the way it was already rotting, the flesh having been bashed into a pulp, bugs crawling all over it, spatters of blackened dry blood adding to the nauseating smell and teeth busted and missing.

Dick was pretty sure that was his fault, someone promises to help him against Talia’s orders and then pops up publicly decapitated? Dick could put two and two together (and he confirmed that the prickly feeling he had of being watched all the time was not just a feeling).

He had no way of knowing if his message got sent and was surprised at how little the gruesome sight bothered him, he should have been upset at the loss of his only chance to reach the outside world but he’d given up so completely that the most he could conjure up was little guilt over the shopkeeper’s death and even that didn’t last long.

He had grown numb to the League’s violent ways.

In a couple of weeks Dick was back to learning and training and it wasn’t all that long before he was not only back in shape but also became part of the elite.

In matter of months he was the one teaching and often being asked for his strategic input on a variety of plans- just because he couldn’t leave didn’t mean they didn’t value his obvious experience with leadership, and for once people didn’t defy his decisions or question his opinions. It was a matter of discipline but not really respect, Dick missed respect, he also missed being challenged.

And if he gave faulty advice when an assignment happened to make his moral fibers itch… Well, nobody needed to know.

Nonetheless, there was a knew viciousness to his methods that scared even the most hardened assassins and Dick was fine with that. The old Dick liked being the best by earning his place and people’s trust, he liked _being_ liked, but now? Being vicious meant he had an outlet for his anger, it also meant people were afraid and scared people tended to leave him and the kids well enough alone, that suited the new Dick just fine.

Talia was pleased, she commented that maybe someday she’d get new teachers for Dick so he could fill the gasps in his knowledge with a deeper understanding of things even the League only glazed over, things like bombs and poisons and a deeper knowledge of firearms. Things to keep him busy and make him deadlier, like he was a new little hobby of hers.

He wasn’t interested but the idea seemed to stick with the alpha.

Two frustrating heats came and went where Talia let him have his space and Dick depended on the maids to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid like die of dehydration or go looking for the alpha in a daze the way he his crazed body wanted to. These cycles weren’t as bad as before though, now that he’d been claimed his heats felt less like being burned at the stake by sheer desire in a drugged stupor and more like an unemotional and horny form heroin withdrawal- terrible but more manageable.

Dick did wonder sometimes how heats had ever been fun, he remembered having great times in the past with partners that actually cared about him, but those memories felt like they belonged to someone else. Nowadays the prospect of heats was just a terrifying curse.

He couldn’t exactly say he got used to anything in that new life but before Dick even knew what hit him it was September again and the twins were turning a year old.

Waking with the knowledge that exactly a year before he’d birthed two actual human beings, two humans that looked up to him with raw unconditional affection and zero judgement, was one of the most bizarre things in Dick’s life. The previous six months had just snuck up on him like a snake and bit him in the ass.

He tried to make it a good day though, he went as far as slipping into the kitchens at dawn with Fatima to bake a sad little attempt at a cake, it was nothing like Alfred’s beautiful confections but at least the simple vanilla cake topped with dates tasted pretty decent and it was fluffy enough that Dick considered it a win.

Talia showed up, it wasn’t her usual weekly visit but she made a point of being there and watch the twins stuff cake in their faces (and on their clothes… and their hair…and their feet…Pretty much everywhere).

Like with the Christmas tree the year before, she looked amused at the little cake and at the little toys Dick had made, amused but not disapproving; Dick had been testing her reactions and had grown to know her well enough that he understood her amusement as a good sign so he did his best not to interact or argue with her even when her birthday gift to the twins turned out to be little shinai (at least she was gifting them _something_ ).

Rather than focus on Talia, Dick chose to watch the boys. They had grown up so much and looked almost like carbon copies of each other, but they couldn’t be more different.

At a year old Damian was pretty advanced- he knew words in three languages (Arabic, English and Romanes), he could ask for things and understood simple commands, he could tell people apart, he could walk and he could build things with his toys.

Damian called Talia ‘mama’ much to Dick’s extreme annoyance (he never showed it though, to keep the kids on Talia’s good side he allowed it), he called Dick ‘baba’ as he picked up from the maids, he called Samir ‘Sami’ but both Fatima and Naima were just ‘Ima’, he called Cosmo ‘Boo’ for some reason that nobody grasped yet.

The older twin had developed a fascination for the elephant plushie which involved chewing on the toy’s ear until he fell asleep, he also liked scribbling on the walls with their limited writing utensils (Dick was determined to find crayons for the kid even if he had to get wax and pigment and make them himself).

Damian could walk well enough in his little bumbling gait that Dick had already started teaching him how to do front flips and train his balance, much like his own parents had done with him, much like he’d seen other people in their vitsa teaching their children in the circus. Dick had hung from a trapeze before he could walk and if that worked for him, it could work for Damian too.

It was good a thing that he was training the boy too because it gave the kid an outlet for an impressive amount of energy that was otherwise spent giving everyone heart attacks when he ran off out of the blue to break anything in his path.

Cosmo was different, very different- he knew the things he liked and reached and crawled for them but he didn’t ask for anything and he didn’t walk, he didn’t identify anyone besides Dick and Damian, he didn’t have any favorite toys other than the plain grey and red robin plushie, and he didn’t talk.

The younger twin liked to be left alone, he had no interest in faces or interacting with humans that weren’t his father and brother (it was so petty but Dick was delighted that Cosmo ignored Talia’s existence), he could probably walk if he tried but he wasn’t interested in trying, and the only times he made sounds was when he conversing with Damian.

The twins babbled at each other for hours, Damian would make a hundred different sounds and even string in some actual words but all Cosmo did was parrot back what his brother said, repeating Damian’s sounds like a broken record. The older twin didn’t seem to care that he was being mimicked, the two just acted like they were having an intensely interesting conversation, often while bumbling around trying to crawl over everything or doing things that only made sense to them.

Dick was distraught at how many hours of video footage he had to delete of the twins having their long rambling conversations but he only had so much space in his memory stick.

Other than his interest in Damian and the bird plushie, Cosmo only really showed interest in strong scents so Dick had started hiding baggies of dry flowers or pieces of felt with drops of essential oils inside all sorts of toys and hollow objects to get the boy’s attention, it worked to an extent- Cosmo would be fascinated by new or strong scented things for hours for no apparent reason, unfortunately that also meant compulsively chewing anything that caught his interest.

They were different, they were also unique both when they were happy and when they got upset.

Happy Damian didn’t laugh much, was generally grumpy and a little lost in his need to soak up everything around him like a sponge. A happy Cosmo did laugh, not at anything that made sense but he’d often start smiling without explanation, just staring at nothing in particular or latching on to Dick and Damian.

Damian would sometimes get upset inexplicably or he’d react weirdly to new things, loud noises, strong scents and bright lights, he’d start crying and screaming his head off, throwing things, kicking and biting if people tried to touch him, he only really calmed down if Dick held him tightly to his chest and hummed one of their songs, preferably somewhere quiet and dark (it reminded Dick so much of Bruce’s bad days that his chest hurt every time Damian started throwing a tantrum).

An upset Cosmo though? He’d cry but more often than not he’d hide and space out and just refuse to do anything, it was hard to even tell he was upset unless someone tried to interact with him, Dick always made sure to check when the youngest twin was being more quiet than usual.

Talia still placed most of her attention on the older twin who she doted on and spoiled in her own distant and disciplined way, the most interest she’d ever shown for Cosmo was when she called him “barely a shadow of Damian”.

Dick had been so furious at that that he’d yelled at her and started a full blown fight in front of the kids that ended with Talia’s pining him to the wall with her hand wrapped around his throat, manicured nails digging into the mark and the sheer intensity of her proximity and whatever it was she was doing with their little bond had him fighting back a whimper and going limp.

So Dick stopped trying to argue with Talia, it wasn’t worth the humiliation. He plastered on his fake smile whenever she and the kids and were in range of each other and pretended everything was fine.

That’s how the birthday went, Dick giving the twins all the attention he could and pretending Talia wasn’t even there, he even had the guts to sneak a few photos whenever the alpha had her back turned. He didn’t want her to ever find out about the pictures but at the same time he didn’t really care what she’d do to him if she did find out, nothing could be worse that what she’d already done and the pictures were worth the risk.

Maybe Dick had been getting a bit reckless about his own safety since she marked him but he didn’t want to overthink it.

It wasn’t a bad day, he loved celebrating the boys even with Talia’s presence doing weird to his nerves, more so than usual because he knew he was due another heat in a few days but it wasn’t hard to ignore when all his attention was on the babies.

By the end of the day he had Cosmo in his lap chewing on a date, face covered in cake, while Samir cleaned up crumbs and Fatima and Naima played with Damian and his new alphabet blocks on the floor (Dick never wanted to have to carve anything into wood _ever_ again).

And then Talia ruined his mood by sitting on the floor next to him, she even reached out to caress Cosmo’s pudgy cheek.

“What?” Dick asked, barely containing his annoyance behind false nonchalance.

“The children look… Happy.” The alpha mused, as if she wasn’t sure what the word meant.

“That’s what children are supposed to look like.”

“That was not a critique, Richard.” Talia chuckled at his defensive tone.

“Then what was it?” Dick grumbled, trying his best not to look her and her infuriatingly dazzling face.

“No need to be so tense.” The alpha teased almost playfully, her nails gliding up his spine to make him shiver. “I am trying to pay you a compliment.”

“Ok then.” He tried to shrug off her touch, grumbling dismissively.

There was a long awkward silence while Talia watched Damian smack down a bunch of blocks that had been piled into a little tower in front of him, the alpha still sat with casual ease wearing moss green pants, a white silk blouse and her hair in an intricate braid. Dick hadn’t actually seen her in such modern western clothes in a long time and he only noticed that because she was so close and his guard was up (that’s _all_ , that had to be all, he refused to acknowledge any other feelings that might make him catalogue every detail of her).

“They need to show some progress soon.” Talia hummed, more to herself than Dick.

“Can’t get much more advanced that Damian already is.” He rolled his eyes and focused on wiping Cosmo’s little face. “Besides, they are one. Let them be kids for a while.”

“I would but my father has standards and if they are not met he will be inclined to visit the children himself.”

That gave Dick pause, he’d barely gotten a glimpse of Ra’s since his capture and he’d been wondering why. “Are you telling me you don’t want him around the kids?”

“Not if I can avoid it.” Talia’s tone was just a little bitter and dark, and then she looked at Dick with a smile that made his blood run cold. “I do not want him around you either.”

“Why not?” He tried to inch away from her, feeling uneasy and it wasn’t at all at the possibility of Ra’s showing up.

“Oh, Richard.” Talia clicked her tongue condescendingly and leaned close, pressing her face close the back of his neck and scenting him in a way that was much too intimate and made him a little dizzy. “You don’t realize how _special_ you are.”

“Stop it, Talia.” He shoved her away and pulled Cosmo into a more protective embrace.

“You really think so little of me.” She crooned, half mocking and half… Well, Dick wasn’t sure what the other half was because the mocking part was enough to get on his last nerve. “It is a shame, I have given you enough time to stop being stubborn.”

Before Dick could reply and ask her what the hell she was going on about, Talia stood up and turned to Damian, calling him over. **“Damian. Little love, come here.”**

The kid turned his attention to her, scrambled onto his little feet and toddled over.

“Up.” Damian made grabby hands at Talia who picked him up and nuzzled his cheek, scenting him chastely.

Dick had to look away, he hated how sweet Talia could make the whole thing look, hated to see real affection in her eyes. He focused instead on Cosmo, nuzzling the boy and talking to him while Talia said her goodbyes to the older twin.

 ** _“You’re a year old now, little prince. Do you have anything to say about that?”_** Dick watched the baby blow spit bubbles and laugh at himself when they popped, it warmed his heart. **_“You do you, kid.”_**

Dick didn’t see as much as _feel_ Talia leave. Her absence made the air lighter and clearer, like he could suddenly breathe freely after choking on smoke all day, it made his body unwind as if he’d been tied up from the inside out and the ropes had finally been cut off. Dick let out a relieved breath just as Damian ran up to him and climbed into his lap.

“Hey there, baby bat. All done with the wicked witch?” Dick nuzzled the kid, hating that he smelled like Talia and trying to smoother that scent with his own. Damian babbled something, his big eyes wide as he shrugged his little arms in a familiar gesture for ‘it’s gone’. **_“Yeah, she’s gone. You’re stuck with me now, Dami.”_**

Damian grumbled and snuggled up to Dick chest the same way Cosmo was, they were both sleepy and grumpy and Damian tried to push his brother aside so the younger twin pushed right back, both squirming in a way that made Dick laugh and pull them closer.

 ** _“Ok, ok, there’s enough of me for both of you.”_** He chuckled and kissed their cheeks. **_“Happy birthday, my little bats.”_**

*

Halloween came and went.

Dick swiped some old black ninja clothing and cut it up to make little Batman cowls and capes for the kids, he wanted to do Superman but it wasn’t always easy to find spare fabric in primary colors (damn it, why did Clark have to dress like a freaking cartoon?). The twins looked absolutely adorable and Dick probably took more photos than strictly necessary.

It really wasn’t for the kids, it was all for Dick’s own benefit, in an environment that bleak he needed an occasional cuteness overload to feel sane, he needed these little moments to look forward to.

There was no such thing as processed candy in a city of soldiers and assassins but there was cocoa so Naima baked cookies and Dick allowed the boys to stuff their faces with them. Even the maids painted their faces and joined in, playing games and telling spooky stories that the children didn’t understand but enjoyed simply because of the tone of the voices.

It became a bit of habit for all three maids to gather together with Dick for the whole day on those special occasions, just as much as they did when Dick was in heat, it felt almost close to a family and for that he was grateful.

The children already slept well through the whole night at that point so once they were asleep Dick allowed himself to just drink hot cocoa and spend some time with his three companions, the only adult company he could stand in that entire city.

It was a fun day, the boys were happy so Dick was happy.

*

Christmas popped up when Dick just coming out of a rough heat.

He spent this one with Talia simply because he was tired of fighting it, the alpha wasn’t always at his disposal but this time she was right there tempting him and barely made him work for it (and he knew damn well that she only made him humiliate himself because she liked the power trip).

Dick came out of it feeling hollowed out and very much like a cheap slut but he was so used to the self-hatred at that point that he just told himself it wasn’t so bad because he was agreeing to it this time, that it was his own fault for giving in and therefore was no point whining about it. He bottled everything up until he went numb and focused on the holidays.

The tiny little tree was decorated again, this time Damian helped even though he removed more ornaments to play with than the ones he actually put on and Cosmo found a new interest in the form of the fake wrapping paper Dick came up with (apparently the kid liked to rip it apart).

Dick finally got crayons and finger paints for the kids even though he did end up having to make them himself. It wasn’t as hard as he thought, it took a while but eventually he found the right book in the library to take some tips from- still, though Dick was never very tech oriented even he had to admit the whole endeavor would have gone faster and more easily if he just had access to a lousy Youtube tutorial.

Damian, whose new favorite word was ‘no’ and would toss it at anyone that tried to interrupt him, was thrilled by the colorful scribbles he could now make. Samir and Fatima were less thrilled because they tended to have to clean everything Damian decided was a good canvas. Cosmo was happier with Naima’s gift which was just a rattling toy but the boy kept shaking it for days just for the pleasure of the sound.

All the maids had presents for the boys that year, it made Dick smile and make sure to take photos with everyone in them. Thankfully, Talia did not show up for Christmas this time.

The boys were happy so Dick was happy.

*

Dick woke up on his birthday to both twins jumping on top of him.

The only reason he wasn’t startled was because their scents relaxed him even before he was fully awake.

Both twins still had that soothing baby scent but they were starting to smell less like Dick and taking on more unique notes that were uniquely theirs, it was hard to really compare their scents to anything and Dick knew that people didn’t really smell like specific things beyond the ones they were exposed to, each person’s brain just made associations and to Dick’s brain Damian’s scent had an undercurrent like charcoal and steel, and Cosmo had something more like spices and rain.

They smelled right and they were noisy and excited jumping over him, Dick didn’t even care that he was covered in fresh bruises and that their clumsy little bodies managed to hit almost every single one. He loved them so much that he’d take any pain just to hold them close.

All three maids were there too- Fatima handling the twins, Naima bringing the blinis this time, and Samir cuddling up to Dick with presents that just happened to be a set of really pretty throwing knives, too pretty to really be used but deathly sharp and when he touched them they gave Dick that really weird fuzzy-headed flashback feeling he got sometimes while training with the assassins but he appreciated the sentiment anyway.

It was nice to have people caring for him, celebrating him as an individual and not a package deal with the twins or a slave of someone else’s.

It was nice and it soothed the jagged protective edges Dick had developed like thorns in the last year, it helped even more than the unhealthy coping mechanisms he’d been driven to just to stay sane after shameful heats with Talia, not to mention the stress of being trapped and working with killers and the exhaustion of wrangling twins.

There was too much anger, depression, stress and self-loathing for a single person to function normally, Dick managed with his questionable new habits and by pushing things down and convincing himself to handle them later (though later never came); he managed by hanging all his happiness on the twins’ happiness.

Yet, it was still nice to have a moment like this every year where people just saw him for him, it helped unravel some of that barbed wire strung tight around his heart.

Dick’s birthday heralded Spring but that year he heralded so much more.

Cosmo still only parroted sounds and didn’t actually talk, he still didn’t follow simple directions or interact and he still didn’t care about utensils and communication in general but he did finally start walking. Dick had tried starting to teach him gymnastics like he had with Damian but the younger twin had no interest in mimicking the moves or being guided into stretches and flips. Dick didn’t force it, he would never force anything on them.

Damian on the other hand could do flips all on his own now and was learning the limits of what his body could do pretty quickly and that was the most crucial trait for an acrobat. He could also eat almost by himself, had a new fascination with books and was starting to learn how to properly hold a bo staff even though he didn’t understand what it was for (Dick made a compromise with Talia, he’d start teaching such things but he’d start with staffs before weapons that could do real damage).

The gap between both children was getting wider and more obvious by the day and yet Dick couldn’t care less because it was his birthday and they were babbling at each other and crawling all over him and laughing when he tickled them.

The boys were happy so Dick was happy.

*

September came again and Dick had no idea when he’d gotten used to this life but he had.

There was a numbness so deep into his soul that even his bones felt hollowed out and his constant smile felt brittle and plastic on his face, there was an exhaustion nestled in him that didn’t go away no matter how much he slept, there was a shame and an anger that came as easily as breathing and that no amount of distraction or violence could ease.

Dick was perfectly aware of how close to burning out he was but at the same time he’d found a pace, a routine, and so long as he didn’t stop and overthink for too long he was sure he could keep this up indefinitely.

The twins were turning two and looking like Bruce more and more each day. Sometimes Dick actually had to stop and take a breath so he wouldn’t crack with the way his chest caved in on itself and his heart twisted whenever he saw the similarities; he’d promised he wouldn’t cry again and he was sticking to that promise, he wasn’t going to give in because of goddamned Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne, who had given up on him long ago and couldn’t possibly still be searching, he was the world’s greatest detective, there was no way he would take over two years to find someone unless he’d given up.

Bruce Wayne, who could probably had avoided all this mess if he didn’t spend years pushing Dick away.

Bruce Wayne, who could have made Dick’s life a hell of lot easier if he had just claimed him when they had the chance.

Bruce Wayne, who was so dependable and righteous, who ‘loved’ Dick so much that he’d caused all this mess in the first place by being the object of Talia’s obsession.

Bruce Wayne, who Dick had stupidly given his heart to and ended up destroyed for it like all of Bruce’s great loves (why did Dick think he’d be any different?).

Ok, so maybe there was a slim chance Dick’s anger issues were starting to tint all his other emotions, or maybe he just needed someone else to blame. It was as good a defense against heartache as anything, even if it meant that by being angry at Bruce he was letting Talia win.

It was complicated. There was a fine line between love and hate and Dick walked it like a circus high wire, but so long as he still felt _something_ he figured things weren’t _totally_ hopeless.

Unfortunately feeling something when he was dangling on that dangerous edge also meant wobbling on his emotions for Talia and that was slippery slope- he hated her (god he _hated_ her _so_ much) but now he knew her, he understood her feelings for Bruce and Damian, he shared something horribly intimate with her and it was just easier to accept it than waste energy fighting it.

(When had Dick become so willing to waver on his beliefs? He’d never been like that before.)

The twins turning two brought a lot of changes and Dick was so proud of the boys, each in their own way.

At two Damian had grown by leaps and bounds, he was still so tiny and a little clumsy but he was flexible, he still nursed but he could use a staff, he still wore diapers but he was learning katas and defensive maneuvers faster than Dick could dish them out. Dick would be a little concerned by the boy’s obvious interest in fighting if only he wasn’t clearly having fun.

Damian could also read. It was a bit of a surprise for everyone how quickly Damian picked up how to string letters together to understand sentences, Dick was absolutely sure that it was not normal for a two year old to be able to read simple text in two different alphabets, it just wasn’t natural, but the boy did it anyway.

It was Dick’s doing though- after the twins turned one, he had started reading to them at night, he would lean back with one or both children in his lap and hold up a book to read either in English or to practice his Arabic, eventually they started following the words as he read them aloud. It was a little intimidating, Dick was pretty sure he couldn’t read full sentences before he was at least six.

Cosmo wasn’t interested in learning like Damian did, he fixated on small things that nobody could understand like a specific toy or random object or scent and would get upset if someone tried to redirect his attention. He still didn’t interact with people beyond his brother and Dick and appeared not to talk.

Talia was disappointed in Cosmo’s slow development but Dick knew appearances were deceiving.

He’d seen Cosmo fixating on books even more than Damian and knew the kid understood them, he also knew Cosmo could in fact talk and just chose not to, Dick had caught him mumbling to himself once when he was focusing on a book, it was the first time Dick heard the boy speak and he read aloud far more complex words than a two year old should know.

So Dick knew that Cosmo’s apparent lack of verbal skills and disinterest in people and learning had nothing to do with his intelligence, he was simply… different.

Dick didn’t care if Cosmo was advanced or not, he would love him even if he stayed a baby forever, but it was a bit of a relief to realize he was just as smart as Damian in his own way, he just didn’t quite understand the world the way his brother did. He looked at the world and seemed see it through a different filter, focusing on the details instead of the big picture and seeing things that nobody else did.

Honestly, Dick didn’t mind that Talia thought Cosmo was too slow, he’d rather let her think that so toddler could have space to just be himself and be a child. If the alpha found just how smart Cosmo really was, she’d just call him lazy and stubborn, she’d try to make him to catch up with Damian by force and Dick was having none of that bullshit. It was already worrisome that Damian was progressing so fast, Dick would have preferred to let him take his time and stay innocent.

The biggest saving grace in Dick’s book was that the twins loved each other, they didn’t see the differences at all and didn’t compete like Talia wanted them to. Sure, Damian was emotionally clingy and physically independent while Cosmo was the opposite, but they brought out the best in one another and played like normal children, the differences were only truly obvious when they were apart or when Talia was around to monopolize the older twin.

Talia did just that on their second birthday, she was proud of Damian and gushed over him for the entire day. Her presents this time were books- Greek mythology and ‘Art of War’.

Having the alpha around was always less than ideal but Dick was determined to make it a good day.

The cake was chocolate and walnut this time because the boys really seemed to like both flavors, he needed a lot of Fatima’s help to make it and it burned just a little but it was still good. The kids liked it so much that smushed cake onto each other’s faces.

Naima and Samir sang for the twins and Dick had them playing together with paints, Damian took to coaching his brother into making a mess and Dick let them because they loved it and Talia wouldn’t touch them while they were dirty even though she watched with no small amount of affection.

And then came the bombshell- Talia announced they would be moving soon, leaving the assassin city to travel elsewhere. She never said why and Dick didn’t ask.

He’d gotten used to his new life but Dick missed the sky, he missed the freedom and thrill of flying through the endless emptiness of a star-studded void, he missed the bright blue as far as the eye could see, he even missed Gotham’s trademark rain.

The twins had never seen rain, they didn’t know what the sky was, and Dick just wanted to show them.

Hopefully they’d like the change in scenery, Dick needed them to like it, he needed them to be happy so he could be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was a little wordy and info-dumpy but hey, apparently that's a thing I do when I'm sprinkling foreshadowing around. 
> 
> Next chapter- a new (old) player/s enters the game and Dick gets a blast from the past. Plot finally moves forward.
> 
> Again, my tumblr is [valkerymillenia](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to drop by my blog if you want to talk, ask anything, share anything, if you want to show support in any way or if you just want to yell at me over this fic.
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	18. Enter The Zombies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick and the kids get moved. Some zombies show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the language gist already. There's a few bilingual conversations going on. 
> 
> This chapter is waaaay too big but I couldn't find a way to divide it properly and still show the things I wanted to show so... Enjoy the extra long chappy?

Leaving ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban was complicated, really complicated, but Dick had expected as much.

Then they were herded into the back of a truck, it was sealed shut with artificial lighting and Dick, the twins and the maids were stuck in there for hours on end as they left the city.

The kids hated the ride, Damian was upset with the sudden change in routine and Cosmo was unhappy with the tight unknown confines of the truck, they would have thrown a fit if Dick didn’t read a book with them through most of the ride.

Despite his attention on the boys, Dick was also paying attention to other things- the motion of the metal box they were stuck in telling him which ways they turned and how far they were going, the smells and sounds telling him how much fuel was burned and how fast they were going. Bruce had trained him for this, to be able to map a vehicle’s exact trajectory just by sound and motion, it had served him well as Robin while kidnapped in various containers or stuck in car trunks, and he just couldn’t turn off his training.

It was pretty pointless, Dick didn’t ever plan on returning to the assassin city but as Bruce liked to put it- you could never have too much information.

The truck stopped only once in what Dick estimated were at least six hours of drive and by the end of the trip the twins were both going stir crazy, even quiet little Cosmo; hell, even Dick was getting claustrophobic and Fatima looked a little green from motion sickness.

They were finally let out in the middle of the desert- miles and miles of fine sand dunes as far the eye could see, no sound but the shuffling of people around the parked trucks and a cool breeze, and the pitch black void of an endless sky studded with millions of bright stars and a new moon like a black hole devoid of light to conceal their presence from the world.

It was gorgeous, it was desolate, it was intimidating.

The twins had very different reactions, they never seen so much darkness and open space in their lives and this entire world was empty and alien to them. Damian started crying as soon as he finished realizing there was no end to the horizon, Cosmo just stared up at the sky in a sort of inexplicable awe and the stars were nowhere near as bright as the glow of his green eyes.

That was something Dick (and a few others) had to pause to take in- Cosmo’s eyes had never lost the green of the Pit and Dick always noticed how bright they were but there in the desert in a level of darkness the children had never been exposed to before, those eyes quite literally glowed in an eerie and impossible way.

He snapped out of his staring when Damian’s crying escalated, the eldest twin’s eyes didn’t glow but the tears in them caught Dick’s attention just as much so he ended up moving away from the entourage of guards and sat in the cool sand with Damian in his lap, coaching Cosmo to sit next to him, his glowing eyes still fascinated by the stars.

 ** _“I know the world looks big and dark and scary right now but you’re safe, kiddo, I promise.”_** Dick hummed, making sure his presence was calm and his scent soothing as he wiped the crying boy’s face and held him snuggly until he calmed down, it wasn’t hard because Dick was pretty excited to be outside again at long last. The air tasted better than it ever had and the chill made him feel alive.

And really, Damian would one day discover that he was born from creatures that make a life out of the dark, his father based his whole identity out of being the scariest thing in the darkness, and if that wasn’t a good reason for the twins to feel safe then nothing was. Still, Dick figured that might be a talk for another time.

 ** _“Look at Boo, Dami.”_** Dick whispered, using the nickname Damian had never really stopped using for his brother. **_“Isn’t that amazing, little bat?”_**

Damian was still sniffling but he did stare at his twin for a while before looking back at Dick, apparently inspecting his father’s vivid blue eyes before turning his attention back to the glow and then reaching his hands to his own eyes as if he could feel a shine in them too. “Why?”

It was the older twin’s new favorite English word (‘no’ was still up there though) and Dick knew right away that the boy’s natural curiosity was quickly drowning out his fear of the odd surroundings which was Dick’s plan from the start.

“I don’t know, Dami, but it’s pretty.” No way was Dick going to try to explain to a toddler what a Lazarus Pit was, even if he did he still had no idea why it made Cosmo’s eyes do that.

“Boo is pretty.” Damian announced a little bit of wonderment in his voice. Cosmo was oblivious to their conversation, still staring unblinkingly at the stars.

“So are you.” Dick smiled because the twins were identical and even if they hadn’t been they would still always be the cutest things alive as far as he was concerned.

“No.” And there was the famous word, muttered stubbornly.

“Yes.” Dick tickled him to reinforce his argument and Damian’s mood lightened considerably as he giggled and then yawned, it was late after all. Cosmo didn’t look tired at all though, still wide eyed like a little statue turned towards the heavens.

 ** _“You like the stars, little prince? You were named after all that, after the universe.”_** He waved at the infinite expanse of sky and the only reaction the toddler gave was to move closer so he could lean his tired little head against Dick’s arm and stick his thumb in his mouth as he kept staring at the sky.

With the twins calmed down, Dick finally allowed himself the opportunity to figure out what was going on. Talia, who he has been acutely aware of but always tried to ignore, was standing in the distance talking to a group of ninjas different from anything he’d ever seen before- they wore black and red and just by the way they moved he could tell they were nothing like the ones he trained with, these were vastly more experienced and deadlier.

Samir and Fatima had unloaded everyone’s belongings from their truck and were waiting obediently but Naima sat next to Dick and followed his line of sight.

 **“Death of the desert.”** She whispered, tilting her head towards the new ninjas. **“The Master’s personal guard up here.”**

 **“So that’s who they are.”** He wasn’t all that interested, what he was intrigued by was that Talia seemed to be arguing with them and nobody was dead yet, that piqued his curiosity.

The argument ended quickly, Talia disappeared but Dick knew she wasn’t far. Damian felt safe enough in Dick’s arms that he fell asleep and Cosmo started to lull too… And then the real commotion began and both boys startled all over again.

Helicopters, the large troop carrier types, descended on them with an explosion of noise and light in the quiet darkness of the night. Everybody started loading into the choppers almost the moment they hit the ground but Dick had his hands full because suddenly Damian was screaming, the meltdown that was just threatened at earlier finally coming out full blast, he was clutching his little ears and he was biting and kicking Dick. All the while Cosmo looked like a shell-shocked fawn in the headlights.

“Hurry up, Richard.” Talia called from the chopper.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dick muttered and rolled eyes, biting back a curse, annoyed at the alpha’s obvious disregard for the situation he had in his hands.

He pulled the boys to his chest, Cosmo hid his face in Dick’s shirt and went still but Damian was trickier- he had to hold the older twin tightly, one hand on his back and on the back of his head, applying just the right amount of pressure to keep him still without overwhelming him and rocking back and forth slowly. There was no point asking Damian why he was upset, he wouldn’t reply and Dick already knew it was the sudden sensory overload.

By the time they made it into the helicopters Dick had a few new angry bite marks on his arms and chest, and a whole lot of dirty looks from the guards around them. If he were anyone else he might have just flipped them all off but as it was he focused on safety belts, holding both kids and whisper-singing under the noise of engines and blades, rocking the boys throughout the ride while the older twin wore himself out with his meltdown and the younger hid his face in his father’s lap.

Ever since they started walking, Dick had been trying to get the twins used to heights like his parents had for him and for the most part it worked, Cosmo wasn’t afraid at all (or even interested at all) and Damian was as much a thrill seeker as Dick. Now he really hoped this whole experience with the choppers wouldn’t sour all that hard work.

It took an hour or two but eventually the kids calmed down enough to take interest the view, most of that was thanks to the sun rising and painting everything in strange new colors- yellows, pinks and lilacs staining the sky and chasing away the stars, revealing whole new horizons with the growing light and mesmerizing the children to the point that Damian kept tugging Dick’s sleeve and pointing out the window. And then the sea came into view and the twins went very quiet watching the early morning sun sparkling like living diamonds on vast green waves.

Dick had seen a lot of sunrises in his lifetime but after so long underground that was the most beautiful one that would ever be seared in his memory.

Once they landed, he expected a ship but instead there was a submarine waiting for them and the prospect of being locked in a giant tin can after tasting open air again was daunting but the kids were exhausted and the faster they moved the faster everyone could rest so Dick followed Talia inside and said goodbye to the sun for the time being.

*

The new place was… unexpected.

It wasn’t some military compound or an exotic hidden society, it was just an enormous manor in a private island and it wasn’t even as spartan and efficient as the palace they had just left, it was luxurious and opulent. To Dick, it almost reminded him of home…Well, Bruce’s home. Not his, not anymore.

The complex architecture of the massive structure screamed Indian and the weather was warm and balmy so Dick was pretty sure they were no longer in the Mediterranean but rather somewhere in the Indic ocean, the whole building was all intricately decorated white and pink marble and large open spaces with massive green gardens and secret underground structures.

As soon as they arrived they were met by the last person Dick had expected to see- Ra’s Al Ghul was waiting by the door in a fancy pinstripe suit and that green Dracula cape he was so attached too, he looked as unapproachable as always but there was something distinctly casual about his relaxed demeanor, he could almost pass for a normal person if not for the guards hidden inconspicuously around the grounds and the hooded figure standing a few feet behind them.

Dick was carrying a sleeping Damian and Cosmo was in Samir’s arms, Talia walked ahead of all of them, looking as intimidating as always in her flowing ruby dress and regal golden jewelry. The other maids and guards disappeared towards the back of the building without a word.

Ra’s and Talia embraced and exchanged quiet words, like any normal father and daughter greeting, but Dick couldn’t help but expect tension and even violence, he wasn’t used to seeing Ra’s in informal circumstances.

The figure behind the two alphas caught Dick’s attention. Despite the warm sunny day the man kept his hooded cloak wrapped tight around him but when he tipped his head to survey the new arrivals Dick noticed pale skin, white hair and red eyes on a middle-aged face that hardened into a patently sour expression when the man looked at Talia.

“Are there any news?” A strange edge of worry that was very new to him in Talia’s soft voice dragged Dick’s awareness back to the alphas.

“I told you to forget that foolishness.” Ra’s admonished in an equally low tone. “Nothing good will come from it.”

“Are there any news or not, Father?” She insisted, full of fiery determination.

Ra’s glanced away from his daughter and his eyes, so green and toxic, landed on Dick, he chose to abandon the conversation and approach the omega with a wide reptilian smile. “Welcome, Richard. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Ra’s.” Dick gave a nod of recognition and tensed protectively around his son.

Ra’s scent set off alarms blaring in Dick’s head, a scent that had always baffled him because there was suffocating overbearing smell of the Pit, acidic and moldy, but the alpha also smelled like danger incarnate, like dry blood and something strangely pleasant and herbal that Dick could never identify.

“I hear you’ve been making great progress with my grandchild.” Ra’s glanced at a sleeping Damian with interest.

“ _Children_.” Dick corrected through gritted teeth, choosing not to point out the obvious. He still wasn’t sure if Ra’s was in on Talia’s plan or if he really believed her when she said the kids were hers but he feared they would be in danger if he insisted on the truth in front of the Demon’s Head.

“Yes, grandchildren, of course.” Ra’s glanced at Cosmo, who was awake and staring owlishly at the older alpha, and then back at Dick. He circled the omega, examining him critically until his gaze landed on the scar on Dick’s neck, a dour expression settling on his face. “I must admit, I’ve been disappointed in the detective. For someone so brilliant I would have expected him to have found you long ago.”

“You and me both.” Dick knew he sounded bitter but didn’t even try to hide it.

“Then again, the man has had a lot on his hands.”

“Yeah, well, so have I.” He shifted and lifted Damian slightly to highlight his words.

“Yes… Indeed.” Ra’s was still staring, his gaze roaming all over Dick with an intensity that made the omega have to suppress a shiver. “I hope you find everything to your liking.”

“I’ll be sure to complain to management if the mints are missing from my pillow.” The sarcasm dripped from his every word and Dick didn’t miss the amused smile on Talia’s lips or the way Ra’s cocked an eyebrow.

“You were right about him, daughter.” The old alpha smiled again, charming and utterly disconcerting. There was something very predatorial in the way the man’s scent shifted but he seemed strangely reluctant to come any closer.

Dick didn’t say anything further, Ra’s sounded perfectly civil but his attention was making Dick’s skin crawl and he didn’t know why but it gave him the urge to shield the twins and put as much distance between himself and the alpha as humanly possible.

Ra’s kept smiling but rather than continue the conversation he took Talia’s hand and headed inside. The hooded figure followed at a distance and as he walked past them Dick picked up the scent of another omega, it would have made him curious if he wasn’t too tired to think.

Samir dragged him inside and away from the alphas, navigating with such practiced ease that Dick knew right away the other omega had already been in this particular house.

Dick’s new room was… Well, Dick’s.

It wasn’t anything spectacular, just a small room with old Persian rugs, a bed framed with translucent magenta and gold drapes, a dresser, a desk and a large widow looking out into a cliffside. Fancy and yet simple but for once he didn’t have to share it with anyone if he didn’t want to, Dick wasn’t sure if he liked the privacy or if after two and a half years it would be lonely.

The room had two doors, one connected to the corridor and the other to the twins’ room which was far larger with double beds and small desks, a large walk-in closet already stocked, colorful rugs, white drapes (Dick could bet they wouldn’t be white for long) and, instead of a window, large sliding doors opening out to a huge balcony.

It was all perfectly comfortable and Dick was informed that he was allowed anywhere he wanted so long as it was above ground, as usual the secret underground room and passageways were forbidden but at least he had access to everything else- library, kitchens, infirmary, armory, dojo, anything without even needing a guard and that was _interesting_.

He placed Damian gently in one of the beds, tucking him in and allowing Cosmo to crawl his up to his brother instead of taking the other bed. Dick lay with them, he knew this new place was going to take some getting used to for the boys.

He felt out of balance, his golden cage just got shinier but he had a feeling he couldn’t trust the comforts and independence they were giving him, specially not if Ra’s was going to be around.

*

Halloween came and went again but Dick didn’t have the guts to dress up the kids that year, Talia had disappeared two weeks into their time in the island and Dick didn’t want to attract Ra’s attention without her as a buffer. Instead he painted the kids’ faces, let them cram themselves full of little Indian sweets Samir brought them and gave them a day off from training.

‘Training’ was Talia’s rule. Dick had no mass of mercenaries and amateur ninjas to work with here so his attention had to be entirely directed on the toddlers, Talia thought that if they were old enough to walk, then they were old enough to learn and that would be a better use of Dick’s time.

He would have preferred to let them play and just be children but he knew that in Talia’s world they would need to know how to defend themselves or at least evade at some point so he agreed to speed things up a little but he did it his own way, he made it fun.

It was afternoon and they were in the dojo, the whole thing opened up to the outside and Damian loved the sun (the _real_ sun) so much that they ended up spending hours every day practicing out in the open. They were all actually getting darker with all the new exposure to sunlight and Dick wondered if it was time to search the house for sunscreen.

Cosmo still didn’t have much interest in learning new things but Damian drew him in and convinced him to come out of his shell a little, Dick wasn’t entirely sure how the older twin did it but he didn’t complain when Cosmo started mimicking his brother and doing front rolls and splits, he kind of needed the boy to start doing _something_ anyway or the worry might have killed him.

And then they discovered Cosmo’s deep fascination with repetition meant he actually enjoyed training katas for hours even if he didn’t know what they were for so Dick rolled with that and jumped straight into martial arts with the youngest twin.

Cosmo was precisely doing simple katas in a loop while Dick had Damian on a high beam one sunny afternoon of November when a disturbance out on the grounds got Dick’s attention, he moved to the open edge of the training area and tried to see what was going on outside.

“Baba?” A little hesitant voice called from a few feet away and Dick glanced back at the eldest twin wavering in the middle of the beam.

 ** _“Keep going, Dami.”_** He encouraged before glancing outside again.

There was an approaching entourage of people coming from the docks, the usual guards looked suspiciously scattered and having a hard time carrying… _something_? _Someone_? He couldn’t tell from so far away. Was it some intruder in the island? Or had the League kidnapped someone important?

Damian had blinked but kept moving, when Dick glanced at him again he was wobbling through the bar with his tongue poking out.

 ** _“Tongue in, Dami. I don’t want you biting it if you fall.”_** He scolded until the boy sucked his tongue back in with a pout and turned shakily on his heel to walk the bar again.

The ruckus grew just a little louder as more people flocked to the group of new arrivals, heading for one of the back entrances that led down underground, Dick barely just caught a glimpse of Talia leading the fray and noticed that she looked frazzled. He’d never seen Talia that way, even angry or in bed she was always deeply controlled.

“Baba.” Damian’s little voice was suddenly right next to him, it nearly gave Dick a heart attack. Yeah, definitely Batman’s genes.

“Hey, you were supposed to be on the beam.” He chided softly but with his usual smile.

“Mama here?” The boy was on his tippy toes, watching Talia’s head disappear through the underground entrance.

«She’s not your mama.» Dick thought bitterly as he always did when he heard the nickname but outwardly he kept smiling and nodded.

“Yeah, Talia’s home.” When Damian tried to scamper off after the alpha Dick grabbed the boy by his shirt and hauled him back into the dojo. **_“Ah no, she’s busy. Come on, let’s continue.”_**

 ** _“Why?”_** The boy frowned as Dick guided him back to the beam.

 ** _“Balance is important.”_** He quoted his own father, could almost hear the background noises of the circus animals as his first memories surfaced. 

**_“Why?”_** Damian’s lower lip jutted out and he crossed his arms.

 ** _“So you can do this.”_** Dick did a forward flip that ended in a one-handed handstand on the beam.

Damian started clapping and Cosmo stopped what he was doing and toddled over to stare. Dick chuckled and gained a little momentum to dismount with a backflip.

 ** _“Again, again!”_** The older twin clapped more and the younger nodded enthusiastically.

 ** _“Wouldn’t you rather learn it yourselves instead of watching me?”_** Even as he said it Dick was already flipping back onto the beam, moving into a cartwheel ending up in a scorpion with his feet touching the top of his head.

Damian squealed with delight and clambered onto the beam all by himself as Dick slowly folded until he was standing on the raised bar too and guiding the boy, he glanced at Cosmo and crouched down to help the youngest twin up, the kid went but he didn’t have Damian’s skill and needed Dick to hold his hands as all three of them walked the beam in a goofy little line.

He was still thinking about Talia but the children were successfully distracted for the time being, he’d figure out what the alpha was up to later.

*

There was a crash, something large breaking somewhere downstairs.

Dick had been reading to the twins in bed (Cosmo still refused to sleep without his brother) when he heard the noise, he glanced up at Naima who was sewing something under lamplight but paused at the noise and looked up at him as well. The twins were drifting off but Damian was still awake so Dick nodded at the book and gave the maid a look.

Naima nodded back and got up to replace him on the bed, Damian started complaining but Dick kissed his forehead and told him he’d be right back just as the beta picked up where he left off, the were starting Scheherazade’s 1001 Nights in Arabic and no matter how fun it was Dick was still pretty sure that Damian would pass out within another five minutes.

He slipped out of the room with all the silence his training had given him and moved through the corridors towards the stairs, the lights were on in the foyer but it was deserted, even the ghost-like servants were all gone that late into the evening. There was another noise from within the south wing near the library, there was a den there where Ra’s liked to hang around during the day and Dick liked to avoid as much as possible. If something was going on that was probably where he’d find it.

Dick never made it to the office, he turned the corner around the library and caught the sounds of voices muffled from inside it. There was only one door and he couldn’t risk being seen so he shimmied out a window, walked a small ledge and shimmed into the library through another window, he then climbed up the shelves and hid in the shadows as the speakers came into view.

“This ends. Now.” Ra’s was positively pissed but kept his voice level enough that Dick could barely pick up snippets of the conversation.

“But father…” Talia came into view, looking casual in black pants and white blouse, she was pleading in low stubborn voice. Dick had never heard her _plead_ for anything.

“If he reaches out to me again, I will not lie for you!” Ra’s snapped, anger and something far more frail etched into the words.

There was some arguing and squabbling that Dick couldn’t understand as father and daughter moved further away, forcing him to crawl over the shelves for a closer look. He noticed a huge carved bookshelf upturned and splintered on the floor with books and papers strewn everywhere, that must have been the source of the crash earlier but how had it happened?

“We are continuing to search. I have operatives in nearly every…” Talia was quickly interrupted by her father’s fury.

“You have nothing! No clue, no inkling…” Ra’s turned his back on his daughter and whatever he said next Dick couldn’t quite catch with the sounds of rustling papers under the man’s feet, but Ra’s whirled around eventually and his voice was rising with each angry syllable until the tail end was audible enough again. “…I’ve sought answers from you and all I’ve gotten in turn is obsession!”

“We will learn the truth. If not from research…”

“Do you think I am stupid? Do you think I do not know what this is truly about?” Ra’s sudden outburst silenced Talia, who stared at him with defiance, daring him to say it. “He will not love you.”

“Father…” It was not a counter-argument, it was a menacing warning that hung in the air. Talia’s hands balled into fists and her eyes went hard.

“Even if you managed this miracle, this will not make him love you, daughter!” Ra’s insisted, grabbing her by the shoulders as if he could shake some sense into her.

“I have kept up my duties, my work has been flawless, all the witnesses have been silenced. This is the least you can give me.” She demanded, shoving him away in a manner that probably would have gotten any other person killed.

“I’ve allowed to keep one of them, it is suicide to take the other!” Ra’s was the one pleading now, he was still angry but mostly he seemed concerned. He looked so old, so weary, things Dick would never have used to describe him.

Talia closed her eyes and took a breath, when she opened them again her tone had changed abruptly, her voice controlled and commanding, steel and velvet in every word. Dick knew that tone, Talia used it on him whenever she was in a particularly vicious mood and even though he could not hear the words, the sound of her voice still gave him chills.

Apparently, it gave Ra’s chills too because he stopped shouting, a look of shock painting his features as she leaned close and practically growled something in his face.

The older alpha said something in a low voice, like he was trying to bargain with a violent animal but whatever reply Talia snapped back at him made Ra’s take a step back and pause for a long awkward moment as the woman bared her teeth at him. Finally, he nodded and muttered something before he left the library entirely and Talia stood there with a faint and noticeably cruel smile on her lips.

Dick had no idea what the hell he had just witnessed, he never expected someone like Ra’s to be cowed by anyone but specially not by Talia, and the whole conversation just raised more questions than it answered. His instincts screamed at him to get out. Now.

“I know you are in here, Richard.” Talia spoke loudly, turning in a slow circle to look around the entire library, and Dick felt his blood run cold. “I can feel your confusion. Your curiosity. Even your _fear_.”

The jig was up and he should have probably just come down and confront her but Dick was rooted to the spot, he didn’t even know why he couldn’t move but when he tried he just felt his chest tighten, like someone had grabbed hold of the thread that was his apprehension and pulled on it until it unraveled into panic and his adrenaline spiked.

“Stop it… Talia.” Dick choked out the words even as he jumped off the shelf and stumbled, barely catching himself in time to land on his knees, trying to even his breath.

“There you are.” The alpha walked towards him and the tightness in his lungs lessened significantly. He really needed to learn to counter this bullshit bond. “Shouldn’t you be putting my sons to bed?”

“I just wanted to know what’s going on.” Dick hissed in annoyance as he stood and looked away like a chastised child. He hated how easily she had him on his knees.

“Why?” The alpha crossed her arms and watched him.

“Why not?” He countered and finally looked her in the eye, defiantly. “Who am I going to tell anyway, Talia?”

“You need not eavesdrop.” She reached out and pat his cheek condescendingly. “You might be useful anyway.”

“With what?” Dick’s eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Talia smiled, wide and eerie. “Tomorrow morning, Richard. Nine o’clock sharp.”

*

To say that Dick woke up early is inaccurate, the fact is he barely slept. He was waiting for Talia in the foyer half an hour early, pacing impatiently and leaving Fatima to give the kids breakfast.

Talia showed up exactly at nine in a simple white summer dress, she hummed in approval and gave Dick a peck in the cheek, he had to bite his tongue to keep from flinching away.

“Come, Richard.” She beckoned him and started walking towards the dojo.

Dick followed, wishing she would call him literally anything else. His mother used to call him Richard, and sometimes Richie, but now he couldn’t hear the name Richard anymore without hearing Talia’s velveteen voice and feeling a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach.

That sense of dread escalated when the alpha led him past the dojo and through a biometrically sealed door he was sure he wasn’t supposed to go near and down into an underground corridor that he definitely shouldn’t be in.

The underground corridor was well lit and plain grey, they passed a couple of doors before Talia shoved him into a small dark room- it was a viewing room looking down onto wide open space were several of the League’s ninjas stood at the ready in tactical gear. As soon as he stepped inside Dick felt the cloying scent of blood in the air, like someone had bled out in there recently.

Talia gave no explanation, she simply closed the door, ushered Dick forward and then pressed a button on a control panel that caused her voice to boom through the pavilion below.

“Bring him in.” At her words there was a small shuffle as a passive figure was guided inside and placed in the center of the wide room.

The person was barefoot and wearing nothing but sweatpants; it appeared to be a young man, a teenager maybe, but Dick couldn’t be sure since the kid had his back to them and was several yards away, shoulders slumped and standing deathly still. All he could tell was that the person was gangly, thin but wiry like someone intensely well-trained but underfed, and there was something off about his skin.

“Start the drill.” Talia gave the order and let go of the control button to stand next to Dick and gauge his reaction.

The ninjas took turns attacking but the person, the boy, reacted automatically and incapacitated each and every one with ease, injuring several fighters with his bare hands despite the tactical gear they wore for protection. The moves were unemotional and detached but so familiar that Dick started to get a very bad feeling, something cold was slithering up his spine.

“He eats, he sleeps, he curls up when he is cold but never truly seems aware of anything.” Talia explained with something akin to disappointment in her voice. “He reacts to nothing unless he is attacked, then muscle memory takes over and this is the result.”

“Why are you showing me this?” Dick faced Talia, tired of the suspense.

“Stop the drill.” The alpha commanded into mic and then turned to him again. “Come. I need you to test a theory for me, Richard.”

She didn’t wait for Dick to reply, simply walked out of the room, down a flight of stairs and pushed through the metal doors that led into the pavilion, Dick followed quickly and once in the room he finally got a good look at the boy a few feet away from him.

“Wait…” Dick froze in shock. Dark hair with auburn roots and curling ends, a couple of errant freckles, familiar grey-blue eyes looking glassy and barely alive. “…Jason?”

The teen did not reply or show any sign of recognition at the name but it was undoubtably Jason. He was taller than Dick remembered and now that he was up close Dick could tell that what was wrong with his skin were numerous scars, enough to put even Bruce to shame, from extensive burns to jagged lines and even a frighteningly precise and enormous Y-shaped scar along his entire torso.

As soon as the shock began to fade, Dick practically tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to the teen. He needed to be sure and once up close it took him all of two seconds to recognize Jason’s scent- still not fully defined, distinctly leather and parchment but no nicotine or smoke, not anymore, and something else he didn’t recognize, something earthy.

“Jay?” Dick reached out and touched the young alpha’s shoulder while he searched for some sign of _something_ in those grey eyes. “What happened to him?”

“Slap him.” Talia requested abruptly.

“Excuse me?!” Dick turned to face her with outrage stamped on his face, practically shielding the kid with his body.

“I will not ask again.” Talia was getting impatient, she had her arms crossed and her hip cocked ever so slightly.

“What have you done to him?” Dick just wanted to know what was wrong so he could know how to fix it.

“Slap him.” Talia’s alpha command sliced into him like a knife and Dick’s hand cut through the air before he even knew what he was doing.

The resounding slap of his palm against Jason’s cheek was loud as gunshot in the quiet pavilion, the teen’s head snapped to the side from the force of the impact and a bright red mark bloomed almost immediately but Jason didn’t respond, he didn’t so much as flinch or gasp, and just stood there limp and silent.

“Oh god.” Dick panicked and cupped Jason’s face in hands, careful of the mark that would probably bruise, and tried to ascertain the damage. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jay…”

“As I thought.” Talia sounded smug as she stepped up to them and placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder. “He won’t fight back if it’s you, he’s still in there.”

“What the hell is going on?!” Dick shouted at the alpha, pulling Jason into his arms protectively. “What happened to him?”

“He died.” Talia deadpanned without so much as blinking.

“…What?”

“The Joker murdered him days after you came into our care.”

“Jesus...” Dick felt his heart clench as if she had just wrapped her fist around it, his head was swimming with the implications of those words.

Jason had died. He was just a kid and he had died at the hands of the most sadistic person Dick had ever known. Jason had died and by the state of those scars it had been horrific. Bruce had lost Dick _and_ Jason at the same time. Bruce had _buried_ Jason? How had he survived that? Had he really survived that?

Jason had died? But then how was he here? Dick’s first thought was that Talia chucked him a Lazarus Pit, she was unhinged enough to do it regardless of the side-effects, but he didn’t smell like the pit and Dick had already figured out that Talia didn’t really have access to Lazarus Pits, not unless Ra’s gave her access and he was too paranoid to that without good reason.

“How is he alive then?” Dick refused to let go of his pack brother as he spoke.

“Somehow, six months after his death, his body went missing from its grave.” Talia was watching them with keen interest as she recited the facts. “He was found in the streets in a suit, covered in dirt with bloody torn nails and muddy hands.”

“Are you telling me he dug his way out of his coffin?” That… That was insane. And gruesome.

“He was institutionalized as a John Doe in a catatonic state for a year until he disappeared.” Talia explained the matter further, with a wave of her hand she dismissed the ninjas still waiting silently for her orders, the ones that had been circling like vultures from the moment Dick raised his voice. “My Beloved has no idea he is alive. I found him, I brought him here.”

“Why?” Dick had a feeling he already knew the answer but he needed to understand what she wanted, he needed to be sure.

“The doctors say he won’t recover, that he’s too damaged and merely functions on auto-pilot, but you just saw proof that he’s in there. We can fix him.” There was chilling smile on her lips and a mad glint in her hazel eyes. “ _I_ can fix him.”

Talia wanted to help Jason, to fix him, and Dick knew there was no way she was doing it out of the goodness in her heart. There had to be an ulterior motive for her to go through all this trouble.

Suddenly, Ra’s words haunted him- _This will not make him love you._

Talia wanted to used Jason to get to Bruce, she thought fixing Jason might make Bruce grateful, might even make him love her.

And the problem was- Dick thought she might actually be right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, what will happen next?
> 
> I'm having a lot of problems in my life, some of which may affect my writing. If you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	19. Walks On The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick takes care of everyone and is severely underappreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual language gist.
> 
> I've been out of internet (and water) at home and I've been really sick but I'll try to keep updating quickly.  
> If you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> This entire chapter can be summed up by saying "You're not fooling anyone, Dick, even the catatonic guy is worried for you."

As much as Dick hated Talia, he sometimes felt the compulsive need to thank her.

Maybe it wasn’t healthy to want to thank her for not being crueler when she could be, and maybe it was stupid to want to thank her for letting him be in charge of the kids, he was aware of these things and tried to keep them in mind but he did in fact thank her she told him he could care for Jason.

Talia usually only saw the twins once a week and that was if she was even around and not working on some international terrorist endeavor; sometimes when she was visiting Dick asked about her work for no reason other than gathering information about the outside world but he usually regretted asking because Talia had no problem telling him what she was working on and it often made him feel complicit and dirty for not stopping her.

That being said, Talia started to show up a lot more to see Jason. She clearly had a soft spot for the young alpha and Dick didn’t like it, he knew what it meant to be the object of Talia’s interest.

Maybe Dick was overprotective… No, Dick was _definitely_ overprotective of Jason.

He didn’t know if he should blame his new paternal instincts or if it was the guilt for not having been a better packmate and brother to Jason before, but he just couldn’t stop himself from wanting to shield the teen from the world.

The first week with Jason was hard, the alpha was confined to a lab underground for tests that Dick didn’t understand until Talia finally convinced Ra’s to let him out.

Dick had been going to see him under surveillance every single day, had been studying him and taking notes but there weren’t many notes to take.

Jason ate whatever food was place in front of him, he could be guided to do small basic tasks with help, when tired he’d just slump over wherever he was and sleep, if physically threatened his body reacted out of pure reflex, and he sometimes moved around aimlessly but other than that he showed no reaction to anything. He was barely alive, worse than a zombie.

Despite what the island’s resident doctor said about Jason’s mind being long lost, Dick, like Talia, believed the real Jason was still in that shell, he had to believe it, he couldn’t handle the possibility that there was nothing to be done.

So on the day Jason was finally allowed to roam free the first thing Dick did was take him outside, he knew enough about what being locked up did to person’s head and he knew how much the sight of the sky and the warmth of the sun could help.

Dick guided him down to a small beach, he even took off the teen’s shoes and they walked together on the sand, the cool water occasionally lapping at their feet and washing away footprints. They had to move slow, Jason didn’t move fast unless he was in defense mode.

To be honest, hanging out with a catatonic Jason wasn’t too different from handling Cosmo on a bad day but it still hurt because whenever Dick remembered the boy Jason used to be, so confident and cheeky and desperate for validation, he felt his heart rip and bleed into his chest, felt himself drowning in grief and rage.

Dick would never kill, not even someone like Talia after all she’d done to him, he could never condone murder. But for the Joker? After what he’d done to Jason, Dick might be willing to open an exception.

“Hey Jay, I don’t know if you’re aware but it’s November.” Dick couldn’t stand the silence amid the woosh of the waves so he filled it in with his chatter. “Feels like summer, doesn’t it? I guess we’re somewhere in the south hemisphere.”

Jason said nothing, just dragged his feet, eyes lowered and foggy in the morning sunlight.

“Yeah, I know. Talking about the weather is such a cliché.” Dick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I just… I have so much to say but I don’t know where to start.”

When he stopped walking so did Jason but it took some coaching to get the teen to sit on the sand with him and when they finally did, the alpha’s eyes stared into the sea completely unfocused and he hugged his own knees loosely.

“The water is pretty here. Clean, warm and full of life. Nothing like Gotham harbor.” Dick commented, skipping a pebble along the sparkly surface. “All things considered, it’s not a terrible place to be trapped in.”

Jason didn’t even blink and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Dick hated it but he had no idea where to start, no idea what to say to make everything better.

“You know, Jay, it’s been… _God_ , over two and a half years since we were together, really together. Before…” He trailed off, he didn’t know if Jason had any concept of the passage of time but he didn’t want to talk about his murder. “I missed you. I know I wasn’t a great brother and we had only just started fixing that when… Anyway, we should have been closer, I should have given you a chance sooner but…”

Dick hesitated, if he started talking about this he might not be able to stop but the words were bubbling up his throat and there was so much he needed to confess and nobody was stopping him.

“I was jealous, you know? At first, when he took you in? I felt like he was replacing me, giving away my legacy to… To someone more like him, to an alpha, to a son… It was dumb and not your fault at all, I was the idiot that took too long to see you for you.

And speaking of my legacy, you didn’t just live up to it, you made your own, you were your own kind of Robin and I was so proud of you for it. I should have told you that sooner, I should have showed that. It was stupid of me for trying to keep you at arm’s length just because I was hurt and pissed at Bruce, I should have been there to guide you and teach you, maybe if I had...”

Dick choked, he had to close his stinging eyes and swallow the ball of guilt clogging his throat so he wouldn’t cry, he couldn’t cry, this was no time for his own self-pity. “…I’m so sorry, little wing.”

The apology hung in the air, met only by rushing waves and the occasional cry of sea birds in the distance. Jason still just stared blankly at the horizon, his blunt nails tugging at the fabric of his pants just a fraction.

“I guess it’s unfair to get this off my chest now, isn’t it?” Dick gave a sad little chuckle and carefully placed a hand on the alpha’s shoulder. “I just need you to know that I really missed you, Jay, no matter how weird things seemed, we were...we _are_ pack, and that means everything.”

As expected, there was no answer, Jason didn’t even blink (and damn, Dick could help but think that looked really uncomfortable).

So silence fell between them, Dick started skipping pebbles again and humming. He didn’t do it on purpose, humming lullabies was just a habit he had when the twins were upset and he subconsciously fell back on it in a futile attempt to sooth Jason too. He should have felt weird about that, maybe even embarrassed for humming lullabies to a teenager, but he didn’t. Bruce always said he was shameless, maybe he was right.

Dick leaned on his hands and looked up at the sky, exhaling a shaky breath. As usual his chest ached thinking about Bruce, his ribs felt too tight and full of thorns and his heart like an abused voodoo doll.

“He misses you too, Jason.” He tipped his head to look at the alpha, knew there was pain in his brittle smile. “I haven’t seen B in… I don’t know what he’s been doing but I know Bruce, you are his son, he loves you and I know you love him too. You miss him, I know he misses you too. If he feels for you even a fraction of what I feel for the twins then I know he’s dying inside right now.”

Dick saw it right away, he was barely done saying the words and it was already there- the shimmer of a stray tear sliding down Jason’s cheek, the wetness in his unfocused eyes despite the total and utter lack of expression on his face.

“I miss him too, little wing.” Dick murmured, leaning his head on Jason’s shoulder and taking in the sorrow tainting the teen’s scent. He was in there alright, somewhere under all the damage he was fighting.

The silence felt less awkward now but heavier, filled with unsaid feelings and a strong sense of companionship. The waves stopped reaching their feet, the tide slowly lowering as the sun moved across the blue sky. Jason’s tears dried, his scent faded back into something neutral and Dick wondered, for the millionth time, how he could fix things.

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been there but eventually he heard voices and the shuffling of sand under feet. Dick sat straighter and glanced over his shoulder to find Naima escorting the twins down the beach, the boys had seen the shore and they knew the touch of sand but Dick had never really brought them down to the water; Naima must have seen him and decided it was a good idea to finally let them explore something new.

“I mentioned the twins, didn’t?” Dick looked at Jason who hadn’t moved an inch. “I guess I should introduce you. Try not to freak out.”

Of course, Jason couldn’t ‘freak out’ but if he really had lucid moments where understood what was happening around him then Dick figured the least he could do was prepare the alpha for the shock.

Dick stood up and waved. In the distance Damian spotted him and called out, running as fast as his little legs could carry him and dragging Cosmo by the hand. The younger twin stumbled and fell, which pulled the oldest down too and Dick’s first instinct was to rush over and help them up.

 **“Baba!”** Damian called with his face full of sand hen Dick finally helped him up.

 ** _“Hey, little bats.”_** He greeted and pulled Cosmo up too, who was still holding his brother’s hand.

 ** _“Baba, water!”_** The older twin pointed at the sea, shouting the words excitedly.

 ** _“Yeah, Dami. A whole ocean of it.”_** Dick smiled, patting the sand out of the kid’s hair.

 ** _“Want in the water.”_** Damian demanded.

**_“Maybe later, baby bat.”_ **

**_“Why?”_** The child’s lower lip jutted out into a pout.

 ** _“I need you to meet someone first.”_** Dick stood up and tried to get them to walk with him but Damian tried to veer away and head for the water so Dick had to scold him. “No, Dami. Hand.” He stretched out his hand sternly until the boy took it with a scowl.

Dick tugged both kids along the sand. Damian was getting more and more headstrong and stubborn each day and as much as Dick loved him, it still stressed him out; he couldn’t blame the kid though, that scowl was all Bruce but that that rebellious streak? That was very much trademark Dick Grayson.

“Ok, let’s do this.” Dick said at last as he sat in front of the teen and pulled Damian to him. “Jason, this is Damian. Say hi to Jason, Dami.”

“Hi!” Damian greeted, waving his hand, his curiosity peaked but his frown still present.

“Hi! Hi, hi, hi.” Cosmo parroted the word with little inflexion.

“Good boy, Cosmo.” Dick pulled the younger twin into his lap and pointed at him while looking at Jason. “That’s Cosmo, Jaybird.”

“Jason.” Damian tested out the word, lisping slightly on the S.

“That’s right, Dami.” He smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. “He’s…” Dick hesitated and bit his lip lightly. “Well, I guess he’s your brother.”

How exactly was Dick supposed to explain the complexities of their family to toddlers? What was Jason supposed to be to them? Brother? Uncle? Undefined pack mate? No matter how smart the kids were, Dick couldn’t just tell them ‘Jason and I are pack brothers but technically, legally, Jason is actually more your brother because you share an actual father even though he knows that father and you don’t’.

Yeah, that wasn’t going to fly.

Then again, maybe he was worried for nothing. He’d figured out recently that the twins had no frame of reference for average families so as far as they were concerned every kid had an alpha mother, an omega father and another absent parent that their mom just talked about a lot. (Great, now he was referring to Talia as the mom too and he hated how easy it was).

“Brother?” Damian looked confused.

“Yup.” Dick nodded, glancing between the boy and the teen, wondering what was happening inside Jason’s head.

Damian scowled, he stared at Jason suspiciously and then started pulling Cosmo to him, hugging him possessively while the younger twin just slumped against him with a slightly confused noise.

It took a moment for Dick to really register what was happening but when Damian’s scent spiked a little with jealousy and he started backing away and dragging his twin with him, it all finally clicked.

“Dami, Jason is not going to replace Boo. Or you.” Dick tried really hard not to laugh, he failed. “You can have more than one brother, kiddo.”

“My Boo.” Damian scowled so hard his tiny brows furrowed together, then without letting go of his brother he shoved at Jason a little and wrapped an arm around Dick’s neck. “My baba.”

“Dami, he’s not…” Dick trailed off to smother his laughter into the boy’s hair, the little possessive display was too adorable but what was funnier was the idea that Jason might steal Dick. “Look, baby bat, nobody is going to love you any less because of Jason, ok? In fact, you just get an extra person to like you.”

“No.” Damian pouted and burrowed into Dick’s arms, Cosmo went along for the ride and did the same.

“No what?” Dick asked with a confused grin.

“No Jason.” The boy grumbled and pointed at the teen.

“Dami, don’t be mean.” He tried to disentangle a little from Damian’s octopus hug as he admonished him. “Give Jay a chance.” Dick encouraged the boy but he looked up at Jason with apologetic eyes. “Sorry, little wing, they aren’t used to other people.”

Truth be told, Dick should have seen it coming.

Damian was sweet and affectionate but also a jealous and possessive kid and, most of all, he didn’t like change. The first few days after the move had been hell and now that Damian was starting to feel happy again this curve ball of a new person popped up to upset the delicate balance of his routine, Dick didn’t even consider that more family and interaction could be upsetting and he regretted not predicting this reaction.

Jason didn’t seem to even notice they were there, his eyes were still glassy and half-lidded and he hadn’t moved but he did blink and his head had tipped ever so slightly to the side, lips parted just a fraction as if he was taking in the two new scents. Dick hoped that could count as a reaction, he hoped it wasn’t just his own wishful thinking.

Damian squirmed and made angry little noises, he didn’t want to let go of his death grip on Dick and Cosmo and threatened to throw a tantrum over it. The younger twin wasn’t as bothered so Dick plucked him away from his brother and set him down in front of Jason, hoping for a better reaction than Damian’s.

Cosmo didn’t actually _look_ at Jason, instead he crawled into the teen’s lap and Jason actually unfolded enough to let him. The boy didn’t usually take an interest in people but he did seem curious enough to scent his strange new brother, maybe it was the novelty of something new but Dick really hoped there was some sort of empathy between them.

“See, Dami? Cosmo is being good.” Dick murmured at the boy but Damian just punched his chest with little hands, shook his head and started making angry noises that threatened to escalate into full-blown screaming. “No. Dami, no fits!” Dick scolded just loudly enough to get through to the kid. “I told you, you don’t have to jealous, nobody is taking anything from you.”

 ** _“I don’t want another brother.”_** Damian whined and started crying angry tears.

“English, Damian. Jason doesn’t understand Chib.” Dick admonished further and wiped the boy’s teary face. “And be nice, he is your brother whether you want it or not so give him a chance.”

Damian just shrieked and shook his head. Dick sighed and rolled his eyes up to the heavens muttering a quiet _‘I swear to God’_ before he pulled the boy in a tight hug and looked at Jason.

“Sorry, Jay, I swear he’s not always like...” Dick’s words died out because he noticed that Jason wasn’t paying Damian any attention but he _was_ looking at the little human ball on his lap.

Cosmo wasn’t even doing anything, he was just sucking on his thumb and clinging to Jason’s shirt with his free hand but somehow he had gotten Jason’s eyes to actually turn to him rather than stare aimless at nothing.

“Huh. He likes you, Jay. Cosmo doesn’t like anyone.” Dick smiled as he struggled to hold Damian and pull him down from his tantrum. It wasn’t even lunch time and he was tired already. “Damian, I swear if you don’t stop being a brat I…” Dick wasn’t sure where that threat was going, he had never grounded the boys or punished them at all. “Ah, fu-…Darn, what do I do?”

Dick sighed again, he placed his hands on Damian’s back and rocked the boy softly, humming and muttering the words of their usual song.

Things were not going the way he planned, he should have been focusing on Jason and instead he was ignoring his highly traumatized brother because Damian decided to have a tantrum. In a way the kid had gotten what he wanted- Dick’s undivided attention- but there was really no way for Dick to win this battle alone.

He was about to call it quits and just drag everyone back to the manor when he noticed Jason was…rocking? He was moving in time with Dick’s mumbled singing, swaying so lightly that Dick almost thought he was imagining things.

After a moment of thought, Dick scooted over to sit next to Jason rather than in front of him, it was a little tricky since he was still holding a very angry and whiny Damian but he managed.

 _“He flies through the air with the greatest of ease, the daring young man on the flying trapeze…”_ Dick started to sing in earnest, watching for Jason’s reaction. _“His movements were graceful, all the girls he could please, and my love was stolen away…”_

Jason ended up dropping his head on Dick’s shoulder and closing his eyes just as Damian quieted down into frustrated sniffles. Cosmo was just busy looking up at little wisps of cloud, still sucking his thumb.

“Huh.” Dick made a surprised sound for the second time that day. “I’m going to call this progress.”

*

The beach became part of the routine.

Dick would take Jason and the twins down there every morning, he would let Jason sit in the sun while he spent some time trying to teach the kids how to swim (he tended to get nervous with that, the memory of Talia tossing a newborn Damian into the water still haunted him). Then he’d have the boys playing tag for a while in the sand or building castles while he sat and spoke to Jason.

Afternoons were divided between training in the dojo and putting the twins down for naps but Dick still tried to keep the teen in his sight, often trying to surround Jason with things he used to love, like books, in hopes of triggering a reaction. More often then not the alpha would just stare at nothing in particular for hours but sometimes he wandered and hovered around Dick or one of the kids.

Unfortunately, afternoons were also when Talia liked to pop up at random, usually more interested in Jason than anyone else but it tended to make Dick bristle. Having her close just made him defensive and hyper aware of everything, he couldn’t focus or let his guard down around her.

Unless Talia decided to stay with them for dinner, evenings were spent reading, playing or teaching the twins new things. It was generally their most laid back time of the day.

All in all, the only complicated part was nighttime.

Jason had his own room but whenever someone put him down to sleep one of two things happened- either he wandered away and walked the halls all night unless Dick or one of the maids found him or he had nightmares, bad ones where he woke up screaming and then retreated deeper into his shell than ever and wouldn’t even move the next day.

Dick solved the issue by moving Jason into his room, that way the alpha didn’t get up and if he started tossing in his sleep Dick could wake him before it got too bad.

On top of that Dick had to keep Jason fed and potty train Cosmo (he was so grateful that was over with Damian before they even left ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban), it was so much work that Dick felt like he had back when Damian had colic or like when he started weaning the twins and they had been crying and fussing constantly.

It was all getting pretty exhausting, sometimes Dick felt like he had three kids in his hands instead of two.

To be fair, all three maids did what they could; their shifts were looser on the island so they tended to always be around sharing chores, they’d offered to help with anything but Dick didn’t want anyone else crowding Jason, he couldn’t shake the overprotectiveness.

And though he appreciated the help with the twins, he still felt compelled to be involved in everything they did because… Well, Dick didn’t like to overthink it but just had this need to give the kids to have as many memories of him as possible while he still could.

It was a blazing hot December morning when Dick realized that he was in a trouble.

He was due a heat in less than a week and while heats hadn’t been pleasant in a long time, this time there was more on the line. He didn’t want to suddenly have to abandon Jason for days, he didn’t know what that might do to the slow painful progress they were (maybe) making.

In the palace his access to anything chemical was restricted and that included medicine, when Damian spiked a fever or the one time he caught a cold, Dick had to jump through hoops with the maids to get anything close to medication. In the island Dick had no such restrictions so that morning he had already raided the infirmary looking for suppressants and found none, he was told the only way to get those in the manor was to ask White Ghost.

It took Dick half an hour to figure out White Ghost was the guy often hovering over Ra’s shoulder, it took him less than that to find out neither the Ghost nor Ra’s were on the island at all. They hadn’t been in days and Dick was so swamped with the kids and Jason that he hadn’t even noticed.

They were at the beach now, Jason was sitting in the usual spot when Dick finally convinced the twins to get out of the water. He dried himself off and told the boys to play tag under Samir’s watch, the game was good for them because running in the sand meant they gained endurance but Cosmo didn’t seem to understand the point of the game so he was always chasing Damian even after he’d already caught him, it didn’t matter though because that worked for them.

Dick sat next to Jason, towel swung around his shoulders.

“You know, you could always join us.” Dick sing-songed the words but as usual Jason didn’t respond to the little temptation. “Too cool to play with the little kids, huh?”

Dick had his usual smile on but it hurt, like a very tired muscle that was locked too tight to relax but too sore to flex. He ignored the hurt because that’s what he did now- he focused on taking care of others so he didn’t have to think about himself.

Jason looked a bit red. On his second day taking care of the teen Dick had learned the valuable lesson that white people and subtropical climates were a tricky combination, the young alpha had gotten sunburn and Dick had spent the next three days raiding the infirmary for aloe because of that.

So now, a month later, Dick knew better.

He fished around their bag for sunscreen (also swiped from the infirmary, they didn’t seem to care what he took), he tended to use it on the twins every day but they weren’t as sensitive to the sunlight as Jason and had never gotten burned; Dick carefully applied it on his brother’s skin, moving slowly because the alpha actually relaxed when people approached him slowly and openly, he tended to tense and shut down when caught off-guard.

“Makes you miss snowy Decembers in Gotham, doesn’t it?” Dick smeared a bit of the cream over Jason’s nose and cheeks, mapping out a burn mark on his face and a couple of nasty scars on the side of his head and lip with the tips of his fingers. He still wondered every day how that had happened, exactly what had Joker done?

He finished by propping his towel on Jason’s head for some shade, the weather kept getting hotter and the alpha couldn’t tell anyone if he felt overheated so Dick had to anticipate everything (if he didn’t Jason would survive but he just hated the prospect of the teen being uncomfortable when he could do something about it). 

They sat there together in silence for a while, the twins were still running several yards away and Dick waved and yelled for them to slow down, if they wore themselves out they’d crash all afternoon.

Jason’s grey eyes were glassy but his gaze seemed to be in the vicinity of the kids, he did that sometimes- looked at the twins or hovered- and Dick had learned to read these tiny subtle reactions in the teen that nobody else seemed to notice… Well, Damian noticed too, he didn’t like it very much.

Damian had gotten over his dislike for Jason but he still didn’t like him exactly, he treated the teen like a puzzled and sometimes it seemed like he might be warming up to the alpha but then he’d get jealous of the attention Dick and Talia gave Jason and the whole struggle would start again.

It didn’t help that Talia encouraged the jealousy, or as she called it- competition.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Dick chuckled, leaning back casually and gently nudging Jason’s shoulder with his own, the alpha was still just staring at the kids running in the distance. “They look like little ethnic versions of Bruce, don’t they?”

Jason made a sound, a small raspy exhale of breath that he’d recently started doing whenever Bruce was brought up. Dick didn’t know if it was supposed to be positive sound or not but he figured any sort of reaction was positive.

“I’m glad they look like him, means Talia can pretend to her heart’s content and if she’s happy then they are safe.” Dick bit on his lip for a moment to smother his annoyance at the mere mention of Talia, he watched Damian stumble and sprawl on the sand laughing. “I’m glad they still smell like me though, I kinda dread the day that ends and I lose that connection.”

Both twins were lying on the sand now, Samir crouched next to them and talking about who knows what. Jason was quiet, terribly and depressingly quiet.

“I know Talia told you they’re hers and maybe they could pass for hers, I guess. And I know you’ve heard them call her mama.” Since Jason couldn’t talk Dick talked enough for the both of them and it often spun out into long-winded tangents.

It was nice to be able to speak about his thoughts with someone he not only trusted but who had also known the old him, the original Dick Grayson, even if he wasn’t sure how much Jason understood.

“I never said the words because I don’t think I needed to, you can see it. They smell like me and they call me daddy because they’re mine, I brought them into this world… But I know that isn’t what makes a parent, and you know that too, better than anyone. It just makes me wonder sometimes, you know? Am I enough? There’s something in them that’s still Grayson, isn’t there? I’m not just imagining it, am I? That something will still be there when I’m gone, won’t it?”

Dick sighed, looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, the sun was blinding and he was so tired. He was always tired.

“I wonder if they’ll remember me…” Dick mused to himself without thinking. Every time he tried to imagine a future with the twins all grown up he could see himself in it, didn’t believe Talia would allow it.

Jason moved, just a little bit, it probably meant nothing but his scent shifted slightly and that made Dick open his eyes and look at the alpha. Jason’s gaze was on him now, not looking at anything in particular because he never seemed to be able to focus on one thing without his attention straying, he was just facing Dick all of the sudden and his scent was a mess of pheromones, not very strong but all over the place.

“You ok there, little wing?” Dick made sure to check that the alpha wasn’t overheating, he touched Jason’s face and the alpha’s head tilted slightly into the touch. “Maybe we should get inside. Come on, Jay.”

*

Lunch had been messy, Damian decided he didn’t like beets all of the sudden and figured they were better spent splashed on Dick and Samir’s faces and clothes, meanwhile Cosmo went into one of his _moods_ and decided he had no interest in food (or anything) at all that day even though he’d used up enough energy on the beach to make Dick tired just from watching.

It was a struggle and afterwards Dick was praying the twins would please just nap so he could too.

The kids didn’t seem to want to sleep though, Damian was reading and Cosmo was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, just stuck in his own little world. Samir had left to do laundry and Jason was slumped against the wall surrounded by Damian’s books and staring, he hadn’t stopped staring at Dick since that morning on the beach.

“…Jason is sad.” Damian pointed out suddenly, speaking over his book.

“You think so?” Dick sat next to the boy and glanced at Jason, the alpha was still staring with his dazed eyes.

“He’s sad.” The boy answered without a shadow of doubt, he then dropped the book and stared right back at the teen.

“Maybe he is, kiddo.” Dick pet Damian’s hair softly, secretly glad that it didn’t smell like Talia since she hadn’t shown up in a couple of days. He wondered if the kid was picking up on something he’d missed.

“He’s like Boo?” The boy pointed at his brother, who was silently sucking his thumb with a distracted look on his chubby face.

“Not exactly, baby bat.” He shook his head a little sadly, he’d tried to explain this to Damian before but the kid was usually acting too jealous and bratty to listen. “Jason’s sick.”

“Sick?” Damian looked at the alpha again, he didn’t have enough experience with sickness to understand the concept very well.

“Yes. Someone bad hurt him a lot and now we have to help him get better.”

“Better.” Cosmo mimicked from his corner, it was the first thing he said all day. “Better. Better.”

“Yes, little prince.” Dick nodded and turned his attention back to Damian. “You know what would make all of us feel better? A nap.”

“No, baba.” The boy pouted but he was still looking at Jason like he was trying to put together a puzzle, like he wasn’t done asking questions.

“Please? I’ll read to you?” Dick negotiated, aware that he sounded a little desperate.

“And Boo.” Damian made it sound like an order.

“I guess I can read to everyone?”

“Yes.” The boy gave a nod so determined that Dick chuckled.

“Ok, everyone on the bed.” Dick got up to go gather the younger twin.

To his surprise Damian took the command literally. He crawled out of bed too and made his way to Jason, he looked at the alpha for a moment with his brow scrunched and then took the teen’s hand and tried to guide him impatiently to the bed, complaining a little when Jason didn’t move fast enough.

Dick didn’t say a word, just smiled and helped coach Jason into lying down with the twins in a little pile of limbs before Dick reached for an old adventure book and started to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next?  
> Will Dick go into heat?  
> Will White Ghost help Dick? If so, what will he want in return?  
> Will Ra's do something nefarious?  
> Will Dick allow Talia to dunk Jay in the pit at any point?  
> Will Damian stop being a brat?  
> Will Dick finally burn out and, if so, how?  
> Who knows?!
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	20. Secrets Of A Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick has a lot on his hands. Life throws him a bone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language stuff still applies.
> 
> I'm so sick and sleep deprived. If you see typos, that's why. 
> 
> If you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> 

They were back. Talia and Ra’s were back in the island.

Dick knew they were back because he could see them, he was sitting on the beach talking to Jason with the twins running nearby when he spotted the two alphas standing on the cliff and watching them all from afar.

“Did Bruce ever teach you how to read lips?” He asked, watching the Al Ghuls from the corner of his eye. “I’d sell my right hand for some binoculars right now.”

Jason, as usual, said nothing. However, he was sitting very close, his head on Dick’s shoulder as the latter tried to figure out if the people spying on them were watching the kids or Jason himself.

After what felt like hours but was probably just a few minutes, the alphas left and Dick let out an anxious breath. He hated this anxiety he always felt right before a heat, it made him paranoid and defensive and it didn’t help that he had three people to protect now.

He was pretty sure he had a day a half, maybe two days at most before the heat really hit and he was dreading it, could already feel tension knotting up in his gut and the itch building under his skin. Ra’s was back though so the odds were that White Ghost was too and Dick had every intention of ambushing the guy and demanding suppressants before it was too late.

Dick’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Damian yelling, he turned and found the boy shouting angrily, face all red and scrunched, with Fatima trying to appease him and Cosmo idling nearby and staring a seashell with rapt fascination.

“Be right back, Jay.” He got up to check on what was happening, hoping nobody had gotten hurt.

As it turned out, nobody was hurt, Damian was just throwing a fit because Cosmo had stopped playing and the older twin didn’t want to stop. The little tantrums were getting more and frequent, Dick wondered if Damian was after attention ever since Jason arrived or if these were the famed ‘terrible twos’ he’d heard about, but at least the kid hadn’t had any real meltdowns lately, Dick would have noticed.

He tried to reason with Damian, even offered to take Cosmo’s place and play with him but the boy said no and pushed his brother into the sand, he was about to kick the younger twin too but Dick pulled him away abruptly before he could.

“Damian, no! No pushing and no kicking!” He ended up having to raise his voice, he still wasn’t good at it or at punishments, he never knew what to do. “I catch you being mean again and…” What? What did Damian like enough that taking it away would be a good deterrent? “…And no more drawing.” It was the best thing he could up with on the spot.

“Why?” The boy stomped his little foot on the sand and tried to squirm out of Dick’s grasp.

“Hurting others bad. Being mean is bad. You can’t just fight because you don’t get what you want, that’s selfish.” He admonished as sternly as he could manage. For the corner of his eye he spotted Jason moving closer and hovering a few feet away.

“You fight.” Damian threw back at him, he had seen Dick train before but Dick hadn’t realized how aware the kid was of all he’d done back in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban, or maybe he heard something from Talia or the maids, Dick couldn’t be sure.

“I…” What could he say? He could exactly deny it but he also needed to keep things simple, this was a child after all, a very intelligent one but still a toddler. “Fighting should only be used to protect yourself or others from bad people, not to hurt someone because you’re mad or because you want something.”

“Mama says take what we want. Be strong.” Damian countered stubbornly.

“I don’t care what Talia says. That’s being a bully!” Dick could hear his voice rising, could see Cosmo scrambling away to hide behind Fatima in reaction to his tone. He needed to calm down. “Would you like it if someone was mean to you? You don’t do to others what you don’t want done to you.”

Damian’s scowled even more stubbornly at Dick’s tone, he puffed his little chest and agued on.

“Mama says…”

“SHE’S NOT YOUR MOTHER!” Dick shook the boy by the arm without thinking and shouted so loud and so angrily that Damian stumbled and fell on his rear. Even Jason and Fatima backed away instinctively.

He was so furious, hated Talia so much in that moment that he couldn’t stand hearing another word about that snake.

It took Dick two seconds to realize his scent had flared violently, it took him an extra second after that to realize he’d fucked up. Everybody (except a scared and hidden Cosmo) was looking at him, Damian’s face scrunched up again but this time to cry, eyes already wet as he hiccupped.

“Oh. Oh crap…” Dick leaned towards the boy but Damian just flinched away, fat frightened tears rolled down his chubby cheeks. “No, no, no. Don’t cry. I’m sorry, Dami.”

He tried to reach for the kid but Damian shoved at him and cried harder, so Dick extended his hand and approached the boy like a startled animal. “I’m not mad, I promise. Come here.”

Damian looked at his offered hand with a look of betrayal in his eyes but slowly, hesitantly, he took it and allowed Dick to scoop him into a hug, still crying and hiccupping.

“Shh, it’s ok, baby bat.” He held the toddler tightly to his chest and whispered softly against his hair, planting little kisses on the top of his head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

It took a long time for Damian to stop crying but eventually the sobs tapered off and he just clung tightly to Dick, face buried against his father’s chest. Jason moved closer, just standing near them and smelling like an alpha should smell- safe and comforting. Dick didn’t know if that was on purpose but he was grateful.

Cosmo slowly peeked out of his hiding spot under Fatima’s abaya, as if testing how safe it was to come out, Dick reached out for him too and sat in the sand with both twins in his arms.

“I’m sorry I yelled.” He hugged them a little tighter and then pulled back just enough to look at the older twin. “You see what I mean now, Dami? You don’t like being yelled at so I shouldn’t have yelled, just like you shouldn’t be mean to people because they don’t like it. Ok?”

Damian nodded, looking cowed, and mumbled a soft ‘sorry’.

“Good boy.” Dick kissed the kid’s cheek. “You’re a good boy.” And he was, Dick knew his children were good and innocent no matter what Talia tried to instill in them, he just had to make sure they stayed that way.

*

The morning had been a bust, lunch had been too quiet, and by nap time Dick was still torturing himself.

The twins were asleep despite the clammy heat making everyone sweat. Damian was sprawled on his back drooling a little and Cosmo was curled to his brother’s side with his thumb in his mouth. They looked peaceful and sweet and Dick felt so filled with guilt like choking black tar whenever he thought of how he’d scared them.

He had just yelled and given a little shake. Nothing else but it left such a deep imprint. It was so easy to yell that he couldn’t help but wonder how he hadn’t scarred these children before.

What if he lost control and said something worse next time? What if as the kids got bigger and argued back he ended up _doing_ something worse?

Jason was hovering over him again, and once Dick was sure the twins wouldn’t wake up any time soon, he turned his attention to the teen.

What if he screwed that up too? All he wanted was to help Jason and bring him back but what if he couldn’t? What if he said or did the wrong thing and Jason shut down further?

And what if Jason did get better? What then? Would Talia whisk him away and leave Dick alone again? Obviously, Jason wouldn’t want to be trapped the way Dick was but did that mean he’d play along with Talia in order to go home? Would Dick be alone again while Jason got to return to Bruce?

Would Dick be abandoned again?

He didn’t want to believe that, he knew Talia must have some plan to keep Jason from revealing anything about Dick, some way of brainwashing or of making Jason indebt enough to her that he would keep her secret, he didn’t know what she had planned but he knew she had something. Despite all that, he didn’t believe Jason would just leave him behind, not if he was fully himself again…

Except Jason might never be as he was before, not fully, and maybe that was enough for Talia.

As is, Jason felt like another child in Dick’s hands, like that’s all Dick was now- everybody’s babysitter.

Maybe that was unfair because Dick chose this, chose to raise the twins, chose to take care of Jason.

Had he though? He didn’t chose to get pregnant and when the only other options with the twins, and even Jason himself, was letting them die or letting Talia shape them like clay, did he really have a choice in the first place or just the illusion of one?

Dick tried to shove down these thoughts, he knew this was just his bad mood talking, knew his hormones were flinging mood swings at him and he needed to be rational before he ended up yelling at the wrong person again.

He distracted himself by helping Jason drink some water, with all the heat the alpha was bound to dehydrate unless Dick remembered the water for him. He had to remember everything, it was so exhausting.

The alpha was acting very clingy and had been since the night before- he was never more than two feet away, if Dick stopped moving long enough the teen would lean against him, if one of the maids touched Dick he would loom over them, even when Dick went to the bathroom he nearly jumped out of his skin when he came out to find Jason standing almost pressed to the door and just waiting.

Jason finished drinking, Dick went to place the water bottle on the table and when he turned the teen was right there again bumping into him and Dick had to take a slow calming breath to get his temper to simmer down.

“Ok, Jay, what’s wrong?” 

Jason obviously made no sound, didn’t even look at him, just stood there until Dick guided him out in the balcony, away from sleeping toddlers and into the sunlight.

“I know you’re trying to tell me something but I need you to try harder.” He reached out to push the curls out of the teen’s face, his hair was getting too long.

It was surprising but Jason tilted his head slightly into the touch. That was definite progress, it had taken a month but Jason was reacting to touch in a way that wasn’t defensive or automatic.

“That’s nice, Jay. Now, how about…” Before he could finish the sentence Jason was moving again, slowly fitting into Dick’s arms and pressing his face to Dick’s neck, inhaling slowly.

A soft surprised ‘oh’ slipped out of his lips but he wrapped his arms around Jason in gentle hug.

It made sense now, Dick’s scent was changing and spiking with his moods the closer he got to his heat and Jason was reacting to it like an alpha pup trying to soothe an older packmate or parent. It would be cute if it wasn’t for the sad glassy faraway look on the teen’s face. 

Dick didn’t know if this was just a childish response to instinct or if Jason was trying to communicate something deeper, like a desire to protect Dick or a fear of being alone when Dick went into heat, there was no way to tell for sure but one thing was clear- it was a response born from recognition and connection. That was important.

Suddenly, Dick’s mood was shifting so fast into affection and pride that he almost got whiplash.

“You’re a good boy too, aren’t you, little wing?” Dick pet Jason’s messy curls and nuzzled his cheek, scenting him softly. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone. I promise.”

He was going to keep that promise no matter what. It was time to go haunt a Ghost.

*

Dick had to wait until everyone was asleep, mostly because Jason wouldn’t stop following him but also because he really didn’t want to risk crossing paths with Ra’s, not when he was starting to smell like a sordid little invitation.

They were all in the twin’s room- the kids in one bed and Jason curled up in the other simply because Dick didn’t want him to be alone if he started having nightmares or woke up.

 **“If he starts moving around, thrashing or…”** Dick began in a low voice only for Samir to cut him off.

 **“I rub his back until he wakes up and make sure he doesn’t wander outside.”** The older omega nodded and pat Dick’s shoulder. **“I know, Grayson. Go do your thing.”**

 **“Thank you, Samir.”** He leaned close and pressed his forehead to the other man’s in a gentle display of affection.

Dick had always been very a physical person and ever since his very first heat in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban he’d become close enough to the maids that the little touches came automatically. It helped that Samir was equally touchy-feely.

 **“Try not to get caught.”** The older omega returned the affection but sounded clearly worried.

 **“I will be fine.”** Dick smiled, trying to project a confidence that was only half there.

He waved goodbye and left the room. He had Imani’s dagger hidden in his clothes and moved as quickly as he could across the manor. It’s not like he was doing anything particularly forbidden, it’s just that he’d rather keep it low-key and avoid certain alphas.

Dick already knew this manor like the back of his hand, he’d mapped the whole thing out on his first week there and knew exactly where to find anything or anyone. Most of the staff were so good at being invisible that Dick would have been surprised if he wasn’t among ninjas, but he was better, so he avoided them easily as he headed to south wing.

Unlike Talia and Ra’s, who had suites in the top floor of the east wing, White Ghost seemed to have a room near the library and not far from the servant’s quarters. It had one of the League’s coded locks though and was therefore easier to pick the window to sneak in rather than bother with the door.

Dick had been wondering what sort of guy this Ghost was, why he needed special locks on everything and why the mysterious moniker… Then again, Dick did grow up wearing a mask every night, running around with a guy dressed as a bat and living in a mansion with secret doors behind grandfather clocks so maybe he shouldn’t judge.

The room was devoid of life and pretty normal, spacious with heavy black out curtains on the windows, Persian rugs, dusty old books scattered around and random weapons displayed as art or hidden in plain sight.

A quick search of the room told him he wasn’t going to find what he wanted but he never planned on stealing, that would just ensure his supply would be cut off in the future by stronger security. He decided shouldn’t ambush the guy either, it was a favor he wanted so ultimately it was wiser not to do anything that might antagonize the man and hurt his chances.

He sat on burgundy loveseat by the wall, surrounded by shadows, and waited, his leg bounced anxiously as he tried to ignore the warm prickle crawling up his spine.

Normally, the wait would have driven him crazy because he never liked sitting still for too long, not even at long stakeouts. He was patient but also very much the same Dick Grayson that had been a famously hyperactive Robin after all and being so close to heat just meant he wound tighter than usual; luckily it didn’t take too long for the lock on the door to beep and click open.

White Ghost walked inside, paused at the sight of the unexpected visitor, and proceed to lock the door without a word.

“To what do I owe this visit?” Oh good, he spoke English, Dick didn’t know why he assumed otherwise until he realized he’d never heard the guy speak before. His voice was a surprisingly clear and pleasant tenor.

“I hear a certain Ghost is hoarding all the suppressants on the island so I came to see if Casper would share.” Dick leaned back on the couch, trying to look at ease.

“I do not _hoard_ , the infirmary just never stocked suppressants because it was unnecessary, I was the only omega around to use any.” White Ghost clicked his tongue with a little ‘tt’ as he removed the cloak he always wore and threw it on the bed carelessly, it landed with a surprisingly heavy thump.

“Well, you’re not the only one anymore.” Dick watched the man cross the room, going about his routine without so much as a glance towards the intruder, under that cloak he was built like a brickhouse which caught Dick mildly by surprise. “So do you have them or not?”

“I do.” Ghost pulled his long white hair back and tied it loosely before he finally paused to take a good look at Dick with a judgmental quirk of his brow. “You are cutting it awfully close.”

Dick was aware of what he smelled like, and of the lazy flush already crawling up his face and making him vaguely lightheaded. Maybe he should have been embarrassed at how obvious his current state was but he honestly didn’t give a damn and this close up he could smell the man clearly for the first time too, he had his own secrets.

Disturbingly enough, White Ghost’s scent reminded Dick very much of Talia- the freshness of moisture and dew mixed in with the aridness of sand like an oasis, patchouli instead of lilacs and the muted undercurrent of omega instead of the sharp bite of alpha; but most of all, there was a telltale hint of something acidic and musty that was so faint Dick would have missed it if he wasn’t so intimately acquainted with it.

“Yeah, well, you weren’t around lately.” Dick acted dismissive but he was eyeing the man with curiosity now. “What do I have to do to get them?”

“Ah yes, I hear you are very good at that part.” Ghost smirked ever so slightly, it looked as dangerous and all-knowing as Talia’s little smiles. “The bargaining, I mean.”

Dick grit his teeth and tried to ignore the insinuation. “What do you want?”

Rather than reply, the man took a few steps towards an beautifully carved antique cabinet and opened it- inside was a safe but he reached the shelf above it for a bottle and a couple of intricate crystal glasses.

Dick watched Ghost pour the drinks and offer him one. He stared at the sloshing amber liquid suspiciously until the man drank from his own and sat down, waiting expectantly until Dick mumbled a thank you and took a sip.

He was young but he’d had a few drinks before, not in Gotham but in other places where the legal drinking age was lower, even in Tamaran though he regretted trying alien alcohol meant for a species several times stronger than humans. This was pretty good brandy, or at least Dick thought it was with his limited experience with spirits. He didn’t particularly like it.

Dick drank to be polite but he didn’t see the appeal of alcohol, it was bitter and it dulled his senses.

“Is it not curious how so many modern cultures allow people to marry and bear children before they are even legally allowed to drink?” White Ghost commented offhand and drained half his glass in one gulp.

“Is that a quip about my age?” Dick took another sip, it burned down his throat and made the warmth that was spreading in his veins feel worse but not in a bad way.

“If the shoe fits.” The man looked at Dick with mirth in his red eyes. “You really are quite young, then again, age has never been a deterrent for Talia.”

“Can we get to the point or do you want to get me drunk first?” He huffed, the last thing he needed was to talk about Talia and what she’d done to him, specially not if he had to negotiate something weird with this guy.

“I am not your enemy, Mr. Grayson.” White Ghost sounded sincere as he set his glass down on an end table. “If anything, I feel for your plight.”

“My plight?” Dick frowned, confused by the unexpected declaration.

“Claiming an unwilling omega is a kind of low I did not expect from Talia. It violates our honor code, even the Master believes it to have been unnecessarily cruel.” Ghost frowned too but with displeasure and mild disgust. “Genius but cruel.”

“Are you telling me you empathize with me? Omega to omega?” Skepticism dripped from the smirk forming on Dick’s lips.

“Hardly. I merely do not approve of her actions.” The man gave a small one shouldered shrug. “As your alpha, I am surprised she does not supply your suppressants.”

“Are you? Are you _really_?” Dick layered the sarcasm on thickly and took another sip of the drink. “What part of her sadism surprises you?”

“You make a fair point. Talia… It is hard to understand how her mind works.”

“She hates me but she sees me as a connection to the person she’s obsessed with, so she likes to make me suffer. What’s so hard to understand?”

“If only it were that simple.” White Ghost looked at him and the look on his face turned serious and hard. “Let us get to the point. Tell me, are they really hers?”

He was caught by surprise and looked into his glass demurely while he considered the question. “…What did she tell you?”

“That you were a surrogate for her and a convenient teacher for her children.” Ghost was staring now, attentive but expressionless. “It is plausible, female alphas do not conceive easily and she does have her little lab, with her obsession for the detective I would not put it past her to keep trying until there was a son.”

Dick had to struggle to keep his expression blank while he took that in. ‘Keep trying’ could imply that Talia had tried before but there was a bigger question he needed answered before he unpacked all that.

“And if they weren’t hers?”

“Obviously they would be of little use to the Master, he prefers his heirs to be male but he _demands_ that they be blood.” Ghost took another sip of his drink and his tone turned as bitter as the amber liquid. “And anything but omega, of course.”

Dick might not be the best detective in the world but he was trained by the best and he could put all the little pieces of the puzzle together, he could pick up on all the little things left unsaid around this strange man- the scent, the Pit, the secrecy, the similarities, the bitterness, the intimate way he spoke of his superiors as if he knew them on an intimate level.

“You know that from experience?” Dick eyed White Ghost’s reaction and knew right away that he’d hit the bullseye. “I can see the family resemblance and honestly I don’t feel like getting involved in sibling drama.”

“You are very perceptive.” White Ghost’s momentary surprise faded; he didn’t seem bothered that Dick had figured it out. “But you are dodging the question.”

Dick considered his options.

He could tell the truth, let the Al Ghuls fight it out and cling to the tiny shred of hope that Ra’s would let him and kids go… Except he wouldn’t, he couldn’t risk Batman finding out everything that had happened and going to war with the League. It would be more efficient for Ra’s to simply have Dick and the twins killed on the spot.

Or worse, Ra’s could side with Talia and just kill Dick and shape the twins for his own purposes.

The only other option was lying. Pretending the twins were Al Ghuls would ensure their safety and acceptance for the time being whether Dick liked it or not.

Besides, he had a feeling they knew _something_ already, what if they were testing _his_ loyalty by asking that question?

“As much as I wish otherwise, they are Talia’s.” Dick lied through his teeth with no hesitation. He hated every syllable as if it stung his tongue.

“You would not lie for her, would you?” Ghost was still staring avidly but not suspiciously, in fact he seemed intrigued.

“What do you care?” Dick knocked back the rest of his drink to avoid further eye contact and abandoned the glass on arm of the couch.

“I care a great deal of anything that may harm the Master’s interests.”

“Why? He rejected you as an heir, he doesn’t even acknowledge you as family as far as I know.”

“I am flawed, genetically inferior and, unfortunately, an omega. Too many imperfections to earn the title of heir.” White Ghost twirled a lock of his albino hair for emphasis but he wasn’t bothered, in fact he spoke the words like they as normal as the sky was blue.

“That’s such eugenic bullshit.” Dick rolled his eyes, he didn’t want to feel sorry for an Al Ghul but he _could_ be angry at Ra’s instead.

White Ghost looked at Dick with curiosity and something akin to amusement, once again looking much too similar to Talia.

“Make no mistake, I am still the most loyal, completely devoted to the cause.” There was a sharp glint in the omega’s scarlet eyes. “ I have overcome my bitterness long ago and proved myself by rising in the ranks with no help from the nepotism my sister so blatantly embraces.”

“Still trying to earn daddy’s love, huh? Sounds like a losing battle if there ever was one.” The words slipped out before Dick could think them through.

“Are you trying to make me angry, Mr. Grayson? I thought you were here for a favor.” The omega didn’t sound angry though, just a little miffed.

“I am and I’ve answered your questions. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Dick crossed his arms impatiently.

“In part.” White Ghost nodded and stood fluidly. He reached for the cabinet again, refilled his glass, and the opened the safe.

The keypad made no sound whatsoever but the heavy door (not steel, something heavier) opened with a little hiss, inside was a large ancient-looking book with yellowed parchment pages and a faded leather cover, under it was a laptop and over it a shelf with rows or neatly organized pill bottles. He grabbed one of those bottles and tossed it easily to Dick, closing the safe a moment later.

Dick caught the bottle and checked the label- daily pills, enough for a couple of months, he recognized the name as the good kind of suppressants only the best insurances could provide in the US.

“Why are helping me so easily?”

“Because I want you to stay alive and well.” White Ghost returned to the couch with his refilled drink, looking completely at ease.

“Why?” An Al Ghul wanted him alive and _well_? That was a total Twilight Zone moment right there.

“Because you are not afraid to challenge Talia and because I approve of your methods with the boys, I do not want my sister to be the sole influence in their upbringing.”

“Why do you care?” This was getting more and more bizarre by the second.

“I have a child too. Mara is only three years old and the Master is personally invested in her education. Talia may see her as competition, and I do not wish for her to poison her children against mine.”

Mara. Three years old.

Not the Athanasia girl Samir had cared for, which brought Dick back to the whole story about Talia having tried making a child with Bruce before. Could Athanasia be that kid or was she somebody else entirely? Had Talia’s attempt failed or succeeded? Had there even been an attempt or was Dick being paranoid? And just how many secret children were hidden in the folds of the League of Assassins?

“You want me to make sure the twins don’t see your daughter as a target?” That made a little bit more sense, Dick could sympathize with that.

“And I will ensure the same from Mara in return.” Ghost assured.

“And what about you? Do you view the boys as competition?” That was a significantly bigger threat than a little girl barely out of her diapers.

“Of course not. They are the heirs to a mighty legacy, all I wish is their success.” To his credit, White Ghost sounded genuinely appalled at the implication. “They are family and I do not take that as lightly as my sisters.”

“Then can I have your word that you will not harm my boys?” Dick needed that, he might not get proof but he needed something, anything, to make him feel more at ease.

“I have no intention of hurting Talia’s children. The Master needs them after all.”

“That’s not a straight answer. I want your word as an Al Ghul.” Hadn’t the man harped about how they had a code of honor? If that really meant anything to him, and Dick’s gut told him it did, then he needed that oath.

Ghost raised a hand to his chest and proclaimed- “You have my word that I will not harm Damian or Cosmo. Is that what you needed to hear?”

“Thank you.” Dick gave a curt nod and felt his shoulders relax, he hadn’t even noticed how tense he was.

The man nodded, raised his glass in a faux toast and drank some more.

“You really believe Talia would encourage her sons to harm a cousin?” Dick felt stupid the moment the question was out of his mouth and shook his head. _Of course_ , Talia would goad the boys into climbing their way up the inheritance through murder. “Never mind, forget I asked.”

Ghost chuckled, taking another sip of his drink. “You must think we are a family of savages.”

“What I think is that your family is disturbingly dysfunctional.”

“And yours is not?”

Dick couldn’t help but think of his parents’ graves, of Jason in his current damaged state, of Bruce and his apparent penchant for taking in strays, of Alfred as their father figure. Their pack wasn’t exactly a Normal Rockwell painting of family wholesomeness.

“Point taken.” Dick shrugged but something still nagged at him. “Why me? How do you know you can trust me?”

“You are intelligent, skilled and fearless, all good traits to pass down, but most of all you have honor and you care for them. I want someone like that, someone sane, raising my Master’s heirs.”

“Huh.” Dick wasn’t sure what to say to that, he never expected anyone in this family to be this sensible about the kids, they were all so focused in turning them into perfect weapons and loyal tools that they forgot these were only children. “That won’t be a problem then.”

“Just pray those boys are not omegas, I will not be able protect them if they are.” White Ghost finished his second drink and gave Dick a very sharp look. “But if their parents really are both alphas then the odds are in their favor, are they not?”

Dick nodded, the threat wasn’t lost to him and he want to steer away from the subject as quickly as possible.

“You really don’t trust her. Do you hate your sister that much?” He was still trying to understand what was happening and if he could get a little extra dirt on Talia then that was a plus.

“Hate?” White Ghost tested the word, tasting it on his tongue as if its flavor held the answer. “No, they do not care for me and I am not particularly fond of them but I have no hate for my sisters, we are blood after all.”

“I only asked about Talia.” Dick didn’t even know there were others, until that day he had thought Talia was an only child and the twins were the only grandkids Ra’s had ever met.

“I helped raise Talia, at some point I cared deeply for her. I simply do not love what she has become, what they both have become.” Ghost frowned and disappointment filled his red eyes that were a little lost in some faraway memory.

“And what’s that?” He wasn’t sure if the alcohol has loosened the man’s tongue or if he really didn’t care about Dick knowing their family business but he was going to milk this for all the information he could get.

“Nyssa is a heartless traitor but she has ambition. Talia, on the other hand? She disappoints me.” White Ghost spoke like those words had been lodged in his throat for years and it was a relief to finally let them spill out.

“Talia is Ra’s right hand, she’s devoted and ruthless. Doesn’t that make her perfect in the eyes of the League?” Dick pressed a little harder.

“She used to be, but she was also soft-hearted and emotional.” The man reminisced, twirling the empty glass in his hand. “Father tried to make her stronger, Nyssa tried to turn her, they both broke her until she became something neither of them can control.”

“How did they do that?”

“She has been thrown into the Lazarus Pit and clawed her way out of it more times than anyone who has ever lived. Even more than Ra’s Al Ghul.” Now _that_ came as a surprise to Dick.

“Wait, what?” He couldn’t make sense of it, naturally he assumed Talia had had experience with the Pits at some point but only indirectly, he never saw any signs of it on her. “But… But she doesn’t…”

“Smell like the Pit? You have never seen her truly emotional then. Try making angry, if you’re willing to risk it.” White Ghost snickered, amused by Dick’s confusion.

“So wait, are you saying she’s just a victim of the Pit and not really a bad person?” Dick said it with mockery and cynicism, he didn’t buy that, it was the cheapest cop out in the book. No matter how tragic her life was, nothing excused any of the things she had done to him.

“Of course not, the Pit did not force her to do anything.” Ghost scoffed as if that was ridiculous. “At most it brought out what she already had buried within, hardened her heart and gave her the strength to do anything her devious mind desires. In a way it made her excel as a warrior and strategist, but it also made her unstable.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Dick found the wealth of information suspicious, it was far more than he had hoped to get when he arrived in that room so either Ghost was just that overconfident or that lonely and eager to talk. Or maybe the drinks really were much too strong, but he doubted that.

“Why would I not? Talia claimed you, perhaps you deserve to know what is in store for you. In fact...” The man got up and headed to the nightstand, rummaging through a pile of books and files; when he returned he tossed a small notebook onto Dick’s lap. “Here.”

“And this is?” Dick leafed through it, there wasn’t much, just some handwritten information scattered through the pages.

“A few notes on the Lazarus Pit, perhaps you’ll find something useful to help you deal with her.”

“You’re just handing me family secrets?” Now Dick was truly suspicious.

“Not at all, that barely scratches the surface.” The man chuckled. “I’m investing in you, Mr. Grayson. Don’t make me regret it.”

“You keep your end and I’ll keep mine.” Dick assured, holding the notebook and the pills as if he feared the man would change his mind.

“Perhaps you’d like to go? I believe I’ve kept long enough.” White Ghost showed him to the door like a good host, as if Dick hadn’t broken in.

Before he left, Dick paused at the door and looked at the man one last time. “What kind of name is White Ghost?”

“What kind of name is Nightwing?” White Ghost countered.

“See, now I feel at a disadvantage.” Dick was the one to chuckle this time, but it irked him that yet another person knew his secret identity. At least it seemed like the Al Ghuls were keeping it to themselves, from what he could tell the rest of the League was clueless.

“Dusan.” White Ghost extended his hand and Dick took it for a firm shake.

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dusan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- weird things happen to Cosmo, Talia tries to teach the boys a lesson, Dick and Talia fight (a lot), Talia has plans for Jason.
> 
> If you want small one-shots for this universe outside the main plot or in the future or exploring things between time skips then send me your prompts (NSFW is also allowed)!
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	21. Red Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas again, and it's going to be unforgettable.  
> 'Mommy' and daddy are fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language stuff still applies. **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_** vs English.
> 
> If anyone gets inspired to do fanart, moodboards, playlists, or fics for this universe please tell me so I can geek out and link them all over this fic for everyone else to enjoy.
> 
> If you want to send me prompts for one-shots, or if you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> 

Christmas eve brought one of the worst heatwaves Dick have ever experienced in his life.

It was nowhere near as hot as the desert when the twins were born but it was enough to make everybody deeply uncomfortable and the air was so humid and stuffy in the tropical island that it was like breathing soup.

Damian was so moody that he kept throwing little tantrums over the most random things like his snacks being cut the wrong way or Jason walking too noisily or a mosquito buzzing in his ear, Cosmo slept a lot and drank more water from his bottle than Dick and Damian combined, Jason kept sweating through his clothes and making everything smell of alpha like he was trying to mark turf, Dick himself felt sluggish and irritated and only about a third of it was because of the suppressants.

He really just wanted to give the kids a day or two off from training and cool off with them all through the holidays but unfortunately Talia had made a point of coming to see them every day for the past couple of weeks.

Dick didn’t know if he should be angry or delighted by the fact that Talia was as annoyed as him. On one end she was around every day and that ruined his mood further but on the other she was so clearly peeved by the fact he wasn’t being taken down by a heat that it was almost funny. Though it did make him wonder why she suddenly cared, she usually preferred to act like was such a chore.

Regardless of what Talia was up to, Dick made it a point to have Christmas.

His little potted tree had been left behind when they moved but the island had acres upon acres of jungle beyond the manor gardens so it was easy to acquire a small bushy tree and put it in the kids’ room; the boys helped decorate it with paper streamers and little handmade ornaments.

Dick even made a star and Damian climbed onto his shoulders in order to place it on the top. It reminded him of being nine and doing the same thing with Bruce, only with a tree five times bigger and with a much fancier star; the memory felt bittersweet now and he wondered if the twins would ever get that chance with Bruce themselves.

With taking care of Jason too, Dick hadn’t had much time to make gifts other than wrapping little jelly candies Naima had helped him make but the maids had that covered, they wrapped up a go board, some embroidered clothing and handmade coloring books and stuffed it all under the tree. They had never really understood Dick’s need for the holiday and the normality around it but they embraced it for his sake and he was so grateful.

Dick put up with Talia’s presence all day on Christmas eve, they were at the beach and she spent most of that time asking the twins questions about training and then coaching them into practicing so she could watch and make her own evaluation.

Her sudden inclusion of Cosmo did not go unnoticed and neither did her surprise at Damian suddenly calling her by name (Dick didn’t understand that either) but at least she wasn’t asking Dick the same questions about Jason’s progress every single day anymore.

By evening she was done with them, Talia no longer seemed amused by the tree and tradition but she said nothing and merely placed a delicate kiss on each twin’s forehead before she left. Dick wanted to yank them out of her reach the whole time.

Dinner came with cake and music because the manor had more than one sound system (despite a limited and very snobby music selection) and they were allowed to use it, the novelty of it still hadn’t faded for the twins. Dick might have been moody from the combination of Talia’s presence and the suffocating heat he still enjoyed watching the boys wiggling their way through little dances and watching them pine over the presents he wouldn’t let them open yet.

Jason did something new too.

Cosmo liked spending time with Jason as there was a sort of quiet understanding between them but at some point the boy joined Damian for cake and carols (Dick couldn’t believe how much he had to sing around these kids, Babs would have so much blackmail material if she was around to see it) and when he did, he left his plushie purposely on Jason’s lap.

The teen spent most of the evening sitting next to Dick and holding the robin plushie rather than just abandoning it at the first chance. It was the first time the young alpha showed interest in any object and kept staring at it and clinging to it.

The evening ended out in the balcony- Dick sitting on the floor with Damian, Cosmo and Jason’s heads all pillowed in his lap while they stargazed, the heat didn’t stop the beautiful spectacle of lights, the milky way clearly visible around the pitch-black darkness of the island.

“You grew up in Gotham, Jay. With all that light pollution, I bet you’ve never seen this many stars before.” Dick whispered as if speaking any louder might disturb their peace.

“What’s Gotham?” Damian asked, turning his sleepy eyes to Dick.

“Home.” Dick replied automatically before reality jabbed a knife under his ribs and he remembered he didn’t belong in Gotham anymore. “It was home, for a long time. Jason was born there.”

“It’s a house?” Damian’s incessant curiosity was shining through as always.

“No, baby bat. It’s a big city on the other side of the world with very tall buildings and monsters prowling in the night.”

“Monsters?” The boy looked a little alarmed by that but not scared.

“Yeah, but that’s what Batman is for. He scares the monsters into behaving.” Dick grinned, already reminiscing.

He remembered the first time he saw the Bat in action leaping off a building like a giant shadow and mercilessly taking down criminals. Dick had been so awed back then, Batman was a terrifying sight but all Dick could think was _‘ah, yes, that’s what I want’._

It’s funny that he hadn’t actually been referring to having Batman as much as _being_ him but in the end isn’t that exactly what he got? Even if just for a little while?

“What’s a Batman?” Damian’s voice tugged him out of his reverie.

“A hero.” Dick ran his fingers through the boy’s hair and smiled a smile filtered with sadness.

Jason made a little raspy sound, exhaling heavily and holding the robin plushie tighter. He knew they were talking about Bruce, there was recognition in his unfocused eyes.

“Yeah, Jay, I know. I miss him too.” Dick’s other ran through the alpha’s curls and eyed the grey and red toy. “Robin’s a hero too. Batman is nothing without his Robin.”

“What’s a Robin?” Damian again, no longer interested in the stars.

“A Robin is a smart and graceful bird that can cut through the skies like a colorful little dream.” Dick smiled and remembered his mom calling him her little robin whenever he did a particularly good trick on the trapeze. “But it’s also an ideal, a mantle for a growing young hero full of life, bravery and joy to balance out the darkness and terror around the dark knight.”

“Dark knight?” Damian sounded mesmerized by the explanation.

“Batman.” He explained and Jason made another raspy sound, eyes drifting to Dick before he lost focus and stared at the sky again (he was trying so hard, Dick was so proud).

“Jason is sad.” Damian looked at the teen, picking up on something nobody else could see.

“He misses his father.” Dick swallowed the emotion suddenly welling in his throat. “Your father.”

“Why?” The boy sounded puzzled.

“Why…does he miss him?” Dick’s face scrunched with confusion. “Wouldn’t you miss me if I was gone, baby bat?”

“Why is he…not here?” Damian struggled for the right words, a small pout forming on his face.

“Oh.” He nodded in understanding, couldn’t keep the sadness from his voice. “He doesn’t know where we are, Dami. He doesn’t even know we’re alive.”

“Why?” The boy insisted, looking more lost than ever. Dick had to remind himself that the twins still didn’t really grasp the concepts of life and death yet.

“Talia won’t let him know.”

“Why?”

Dick sighed, not sure how to keep replying in a way someone so little could understand, he was saved from having to say anymore by Fatima, who poked her head out into the balcony to check on everyone.

“I think it’s time for bed.” With that, Dick started guiding Jason and Cosmo up. Damian complained, not wanting to sleep but Dick pacified him by reminding him that they could open presents when they woke up.

*

The kids awoke before Dick did.

Cosmo snuck onto his bed and nuzzled him sleepily but Damian crawled onto the mattress and jumped around until Dick woke up fully and pulled them both into a drowsy hug.

By the time he allowed the twins to tear into fake wrapping paper while plenty secrets photos were taken, Jason was up too and wandering around aimlessly and a little sluggish. Dick coached him into joining everyone by the tree and even had a gift for the alpha.

Jason couldn’t open his gift so Dick let Cosmo do it for him, it was just a length of tough black string with a tiny robin crudely carved in wood hanging from it. After the alphabet block disaster, Dick had promised himself he’d never wood carve again but seeing Jason so attached to the robin plushie compelled him into making the little token.

“Merry Christmas. Sorry, it’s nothing special, Jay.” Dick said as he placed the pendant securely around the alpha’s neck. “I just didn’t want you to feel left out.”

Jason leaned to him, his forehead pressed against Dick’s shoulder as the twins fought over a piece of orange candy. Dick let the kids figure it out between themselves and focused instead on hugging the alpha, rubbing a hand gently down his back.

That was how Samir and Naima found them. They brought breakfast in a basket so nobody had to go downstairs because Talia was around and they knew Dick would rather not bump into her, it was a sweet gesture and Dick had a genuine smile on his face thanks to it.

They ended up going outside for a picnic, it was blazing hot and plenty of sunscreen was required but Dick figured if they left before Talia decided to show up they may be able to avoid her for a few more hours.

The island had a lot to explore but other than the cliffside and beach, Dick had never gone beyond the manor’s grounds. He didn’t know why, there was so much to see but in the two months they’d been there he’d been so utterly focused on taking care of everyone that he never once considered snooping around or doing recon, it just didn’t feel important anymore.

There was dense jungle around them, a massive cave harbor for all the vessels and crafts like Talia’s submarine, there were secret ruins peeping through the foliage on the other side of the island that Dick was certain hid a lot more than met the eye. Why couldn’t he muster up any interest?

They ended up in a clearing in the jungle, not too far from the manor grounds; Dick couldn’t see them but he could feel people watching from afar, he ignored the spies and focused on spreading a blanket on the ground and bringing out the food.

The twins never finished eating, they abandoned their idli and mango slices to go explore with giggles and babbling , Dick let them because Samir was watching them while he ate with Jason, who reacted to the strange new environment by flitting around Dick in way that suggested he too could sense the eyes on them too.

After a while it became clear that Jason wasn’t dealing very well with the sensation of being watched, he kept trying to wander off, forcing Dick to chase him and guide him back with soft assurances that everything was alright. Meanwhile, Cosmo was fascinated following a line of ants crawling up an old bent-over tree and Damian was dangling back and forth from a thick vine.

At some point Jason got several yards into the jungle, Dick heard the twins laugh and then followed after the alpha, he found Jason just as he tripped in some roots trying to get away. Dick had to help him back up and he was patting the dirt of the teen’s clothes when he heard a loud thud and screaming.

Instinct took over, Dick never ran so fast in his life as he did for those few yards back into the clearing, he barely even noticed that Jason was following.

Samir was in a panic hunched over the twins and Damian was shrieking and crying.

 **“What happened?”** Dick skid to halt and crouched down- Damian was crying with dirt all over him next to a broken branch and Cosmo was flat on his face on the ground, not moving.

 **“They climbed up the tree, I was trying to get them down but a branch broke and…”** Samir explained in a panicked rush while Dick shoved him aside to reach the youngest twin.

Dick’s heart was in his throat as he pulled Cosmo up very gently, he was afraid the kid might be unconscious but those big green eyes just stared up at him looking dazed and confused, dirt all over the boy’s face and twigs in his hair.

He would have been relieved if not for the metallic tang he could smell in the air. Blood. There was blood somewhere.

Damian was still screaming and Samir tried to calm him, asking in a soft voice if he was hurt. Dick was only half listening because he was too busy looking over Cosmo until he spotted a red stain on the boy’s pale blue clothes.

“Crap.” Dick wasted no time gently pulling off the toddler’s shirt and found a jagged gash down his side with little splinters of wood, apparently the broken branch had done some damage.

But Cosmo wasn’t crying, he didn’t even seem to feel the injury when the shirt was pressed into to it to slow the bleeding and Dick wasn’t sure if the kid was in shock or if this response was something else entirely.

It suddenly hit him that he couldn’t pinpoint Cosmo’s reaction to pain because he couldn’t remember Cosmo ever getting hurt at all. Damian had had bug bites, tiny bruises and the occasional scrapped knee from falling and scratches from his own nails (Dick knew that wasn’t exactly normal but he had learned to keep those nails short because he could never predict when the boy was going to stress out and start scratching at himself), but Cosmo had never had a single scrape.

 **“Blood! There’s blood!”** Damian cried harder, pointing at the injury, ignoring the fact that his own knees and palms were dotted with crimson too.

 **“I know, Damian!”** Dick snapped loudly and angrily, startling the boy further, he hadn’t intended to lose his temper but he was panicking and all the crying was just stressing him out further.

Without another word, Dick pulled Cosmo into his arms and started rushing back to the manor as fast as he could without jostling the kid too much. Samir followed at a slower pace with Damian cradled to his chest and Jason in tow, trying to make sure nobody got lost.

Cosmo clung to Dick for dear life and smelled like a frightened pup but still didn’t seem to be in pain and Dick began to notice that something was off about the injury- the blood was thick and oozing slowly rather than bleeding out in rivulets as it should, naturally it smelled like copper and plasma but there was a strong acidic note from the Lazarus Pit coiled in it that made Dick’s anxiety ramp up a notch until his hands were shaking and he knew his scent was a disaster at that moment.

 ** _“Everything is ok, little prince, I got you.”_** Dick murmured at the scared child just as they reached the manor, running in through the back and speeding to the infirmary.

As usual the beta in charge of the infirmary was there and wasted no time helping them to an exam table. Cosmo didn’t like the stranger touching him though so there was a lot of struggling and screeching while the beta plucked out little splinters of wood at a snail’s pace, the only saving grace was that the blood that should have been pouring like a tap really wasn’t, there was barely any bleeding anymore.

It took Samir’s arrival to finally get any real first-aid done, all the maids had enough medical training for this. The beta switched to the task of disinfecting a crying Damian’s scrapes while Dick held Cosmo and Samir worked on cleaning out the gash, it needed stitches so they used some local anesthetic before starting to sew but from the boy’s reaction it seemed to make no difference to him if they jabbed a needle into him, numbing agent or not.

Jason wasn’t far behind, he hovered around them a little and then gravitated towards Damian, the kid’s distressed scent acting like a beacon for the alpha, he didn’t fight when Damian climbed into his arms, in fact he held the boy almost protectively while the beta patched up the little scrapes and scratches.

 **“Grayson…”** Samir murmured, catching Dick’s eye and nodding at the injury he was placing the last couple of stitches on.

 **“I know.”** Dick murmured back, still holding the toddler and rubbing his back soothingly.

He knew this injury wasn’t normal, they had barely finished stitching and it already seemed better, the raw edges already scabbing, not to mention that Cosmo’s face and knees held nasty bruises that should have taken a couple of days to reach that particular shade of purple. Something was off.

“I heard there was some commotion.” Talia’s voice was the last thing Dick’s nerves needed, he clenched his teeth and turned to find her entering the infirmary with two masked guards on her heels. “I should have known it was you.”

“Not now, Talia.” He grumbled, holding Cosmo carefully to his chest as soon as Samir finished bandaging the wound.

“Will they be alright?” The alpha gave both boys a cursory glance.

“Yes, just some scrapes and a couple of stitches.” Dick replied as calmly as he could despite his anxiety being obvious in his scent.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t been distracted with pointless traditions no such would be needed.” Talia accused with venom in her voice. The beta that had been helping out started to quietly back out of the room and all but disappeared.

“Says the woman that has me training toddlers in martial arts.” Dick snapped back, still holding his son close.

“Irrelevant. It is your job to protect them and make them stronger, Richard.” She waved at Cosmo, eyeing his bandaged side judgmentally. “What use are you if you can’t even keep them from hurting themselves?”

That struck a chord with Dick, he didn’t want to but part of him agreed with her- he had only turned his back for a minute but somehow he felt like he could have avoided all this if only he had been more attentive, if only he taught them better.

“I… Kids get hurt, it… It happens.” The insecurity spilled out in his voice as he tried to reason that no, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just an accident.

Talia scoffed and waved at Damian, who was once again hiccupping softly in Jason’s arms. “Why is he still crying?”

“He’s scared.” Dick reasoned, he was aware that he might be partially responsible for scaring the boy…again.

“Silence, Damian.” Talia grabbed the boy by his jaw to force eye contact. “You are old enough now to know that crying will get you nowhere, stop showing such weakness.”

“Leave him alone, Talia.” Dick still held Cosmo but he moved up to the alpha, trying to reason with her. “He’s a child, barely more than a baby, stop it.”

“Damian, are you a baby?” Talia asked, her face just inches from Damian’s, the kid trembled nervously in her grasp and hesitated. “Answer, boy!”

“N-no…” Damian flinched, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

“Then why do you cry like one?” She demanded in a strict cool voice.

“I…hm…” The boy hiccupped, shaking like a leaf. Dick quickly eased Cosmo into Samir’s arms so he could intervene.

“Pathetic.” Talia breathed out the word, her tone dripping with disappointment as she finally released the child and pointed Cosmo. “This is not acceptable, even the slow one is more composed than you.”

“Hey!” Dick shouted, pulling Talia away from Damian. “How dare you?!”

“How dare I? Don’t tell a mother how to raise her children.” Talia was on him like a predator, her voice silken but emotionless and Dick could feel the metaphorical leash of their bond tightening around his neck when she fisted her hand into his shirt, making his instincts scream at him to back down.

Dick bared his teeth at her anyway, voice equally menacing. “I don’t give a…”

“Not our mama!” Damian’s loud and angry little shout cut through the tension like a knife, he was standing in front of Jason now with his tiny hands balled into fists.

Talia’s beautiful face turned hard, her hazel eyes like stones as she slowly turned and walked back to child, looking down on him with a soft dangerous voice. “…What was that?”

“Not our mama.” Damian insisted, looking petrified but holding his ground.

The slap was so fast that the sound rung in Dick’s ears before his brain caught with what had happened- Talia hadn’t even lowered her hand yet and the red print of it was already blooming on Damian’s face. Jason reacted first, he grabbed Talia’s wrist and shoved her away as Damian scurried to hide behind the teen, already bawling his eyes out again.

“What the fuck, Talia?!” Dick did more than just pull her away this time, despite every bone in his body fighting him he shoved her aggressively until the kids were well out of her reach and he was in her face, growling and tensing for a fight. “Touch him again and I will…”

“What, Richard?” She stepped up to him, baring her own teeth, and now Dick knew what Dusan meant about making Talia angry- the moldy acidic smell of the Pit curled around the edges of her anger, curdling her scent into something awful. “What will you do? Kill me?”

She was daring him, mocking him. Dick’s hands twitched from the effort of fighting her control and despite the way he felt her pulling at the strings of his emotions to conjure up a panic response it didn’t stop his anger from flaring into a blazing inferno.

It was stupid to take her bait but she hurt Damian (she _slapped_ him, damn it) so he was seeing red and lashed out.

Talia saw the blow coming and dodged the punch but Dick expected that and compensated by drawing his arm back and elbowing her right in the face. Talia gasped surprised as the blow split her lip open but recovered quickly and jabbed at an opening on his side. Dick backed up and retaliated.

Fighting with Talia was hard, she was one of the best and most deadly warriors he had ever seen in his life, but it was made so much worse due the claim she had on him.

It felt like trying to fight with his hands tied behind his back, his own body kept fighting him and his reflexes were off because a part of him desperately wanted to submit even though his brain wouldn’t let it, not to mention Talia could sense every twinge of his frustration and anger, she tug on his emotions to make them all worse until he couldn’t think and he couldn’t catch her by surprise when she could feel so much of his inner struggle.

But goddamn it, he wasn’t going to let that stupid bond stop him from trying to maul this woman. He couldn’t care less that she was embodiment of all his pain and misery, he could take it, but the moment she lay her hands on his babies everything changed because that was something he could not ignore.

They exchanged several blows before Talia managed to get him in an arm lock, only for Dick to flip backwards over her body and reverse their positions, getting her arms trapped instead. It didn’t last very long because she slammed the back of her head into his jaw and used those precious two seconds of disorientation to pull him forward, using is weight against him and slamming him into the ground.

A second later she was over his chest and drawing a knife out of nowhere and Dick managed to avoid the blade only due to his immense flexibility allowing him to fold him body completely out from under and using his momentum like a coiled spring to shove Talia off and get back up. She nearly fell but compensated at the last second to draw her leg up and kick him hard from behind before sweeping his legs.

Dick fell forward and was about to catch himself into a handstand to flip back up but never got far because Talia growled and there was a sudden pull in his chest from the bond, catching him so completely by surprised that he landed face first on the marble floor. Before he could do anything else Talia’s knee was on the small of his back, her hand fisting into his hair and pulling to expose his throat and force his spine to bow.

“As amusing as that was, insubordination cannot go unpunished.” She spoke into Dick’s ear, he could feel his hair tearing as the roots as she twisted her grip. From the corner of his eye he saw Jason frozen in place and both twins crying together now.

Talia caught him looking, placed her cheek next to his to look at the boys too. “Do they know what death is yet, Richard? Shall I show them?”

Dick felt the coldness of the blade slipping into his back on the lower left before he felt the actual pain slicing through him. He let out a hurt hiss, trying not to scare the kids further, but it turned into a shout when the blade twisted viciously and was pulled out with a small spray of blood splattering like an abstract painting on the marble.

Damn, was she serious? Was Talia really about to kill him for standing up to her? Would she really murder him in front of the boys?

Oh god, the boys. Would they ever recover from this? Would Talia hurt them? Who would protect them? And what about Jason? What would happen to him?

“Baba!” Damian shrieked with pure panic, he tried to run over to them but Samir held the boy back, held both twins back and had to place himself in front of a very tense Jason too, the look of terror on the omega’s face barely hidden under his resolve to keep the kids safe.

«Not like this.» Dick thought, the fear stabbing him deeper than the blade had. «Please, not in front of them!»

Talia moved off Dick’s back and yanked him by the hair until he was on his knees with her blade at her his throat, he could feel his own blood dripping from the knife and sliding down his skin.

“Tell them, Richard.” Talia ordered, she leaned in to speak into his ear again and her voice dropped into raspy tone of an alpha command. “For their sake, tell them I am their mother.”

Ah, so _that’s_ what this mess was really about.

“Damian…Cosmo…” Dick called out, his voice much too shaky as he tried to catch his breath. He swallowed nervously and felt his adam’s apple bob against the biting edge of the blade.

He had to say it, not because of the command or to save his own life but because it was the smart thing to do, the kids needed him and they needed to be on Talia’s good side, they needed to obey her on their own accord if they were going to survive this whole thing unharmed.

“Talia is your mother.” The effort of saying those words had him clenching his jaw so tightly that it was a miracle his teeth didn’t crack. “You should do as she says.”

He absolutely expected to feel the knife slice through his jugular at any second ( _not in front of them, please!_ ) so when Talia let go of him he couldn’t believe it was actually happening, he couldn’t believe she was stepping away even as she let him slump forward until his forehead was pressed to the ground and his hands were scrambling to his side to staunch the bleeding.

“Is that understood, children?” The alpha beckoned the kids, cleaning blood off the knife with the edge of her sleeve.

“Yes, Talia.” Damian replied in a tiny voice. His cheeks were wet, one of them swollen and sporting a red mark that promised to bruise soon, his whole body was shaking as he followed the blade with his eyes. Next to him Cosmo nodded through his sobs, he didn’t usually reply that directly to anyone but the severity of the situation must have scared him enough to do so.

“Never call me Talia again.” Her voice was stern and so low and intimidating that both children winced and shrunk back. The fury in her scent wasn’t helping either.

“Yes… Mother.” Damian mumbled through his sniffles, still too scared to look her in the eye.

“Good.” Talia nodded, pleased, and stepped aside to allow the twins to scurry up to Dick.

He dragged himself back up to his knees in time to catch both boys in a hug, slumping slightly against them and ignoring his bloody hands as he pulled them close and let them sob and cling to him.

“No more crying in public.” Talia added, speaking the order with her alpha voice.

Damian immediately tried to scrub his face clean with his hands even as he kept sniffling, Cosmo whimpered and hid his bruised face against Dick’s bloody neck, going very quiet.

Jason appeared in his line of sight then, the teen placed himself between Dick and Talia and was still as a statue, face as blank and unresponsive as always but he was staring in Talia’s direction, the scent of angry alpha rolling out of him in waves and making the woman cock a brow with interest.

“Well, at least someone isn’t a complete disappointment.” Talia smiled, shark-like and vaguely amused as usual. She then turned to Samir and ordered- **“Make sure he doesn’t bleed to death.”**

With that the alpha left, her guards moving silently behind her as Samir grabbed a first-aid kit and rushed to Dick’s side in a blind panic, reaching out to check the bleeding wound.

 **“How are you feeling?”** The older omega asked nervously as he pulled Dick’s shirt away.

 **“A bit stabbed.”** It was Bruce’s joke, one the rare ones, and how Dick managed to remember it through all the adrenaline he had no idea. **“How does it look?”**

 **“Bad.”** Samir was already putting pressure on the wound and reaching for the necessary tools, he didn’t even try to move Dick from the floor which said a lot about the seriousness of the situation. **“It’s very close to your kidney but as long as it didn’t puncture anything vital you should be ok.”**

Dick nodded and kept the trembling terrified twins in his arms, he pulled them tighter to his chest as he tried to calm his own breathing. “You can cry, it’s ok when it’s just us. I promise.”

Both boys promptly started bawling their eyes out and clinging to him for dear life and Dick let them. He was getting lightheaded from the blood loss now that the adrenaline was ebbing, but he refused to let go and murmured soothing nothings.

“It’s ok. You’re ok. It’s all over now.” Dick whispered even when he grit his teeth against the pain as Samir patched him up. “I’m sorry I scared you. Sorry she hurt you, Dami. Sorry, sorry…”

Dick felt like…Well, like a dick.

He hated that he couldn’t shield the boys from the trauma, felt like a moron for fighting Talia in the first place when it would have safer for everyone to just back down and try to bargain. He couldn’t let his temper get the best of him like that but Talia slapping Damian had just crossed a line, how could he ignore that? Maybe he should have ignored it, treating a slap was probably exponentially easier that doing damage control for the trauma of seeing a parent nearly killed.

He didn’t care that he got stabbed, Dick didn’t care that he was bleeding at that very second, all he cared about was how afraid the kids were and what would happen to them if he died.

That was the real issue- the thing that scared him the most was how it would scar them forever if he died in front of them, he knew exactly what that was like and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy much less on his own children. 

Still, the kids were a little banged up but alive and he was still around to do damage control. Talia had been merciful and he had to remember that next time he saw her so he could keep his temper in check.

One thing was for sure, this was a Christmas they would never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -There was supposed to be a whole scene of Dick just studying the Lazarus Pit notes but it made the chapter too long so I cut it. Now I'm not sure if I should insert it and reveal all that LP data or if I should just leave it a mystery that Dick reveals little by little. I wonder what readers would prefer.  
> -There was also supposed to be another Jason scene but I decided to explore that more deeply later. 
> 
> Feel free to send prompts for this universe and I might be inspired to write little one-shots outside the main plotline (any point in time, any genre, SFW or NSFW, go nuts).
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	22. The Most Important Thing You'll Every Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Families are not supposed to hurt each other, even when they’re very, very, very angry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to speed things up and jump right into the next dramatic plot point but I decided it was important to show how Dick's influence makes key changes in Damian's upbringing.  
> Also, Dick deserves some love and affection and I sprinkled a lot more foreshadowing around because that's what I do.
> 
> Little warning for male lactation, I know it can squick some people (but it's an a/b/o kid fic so it's the sort thing that's implied to happen anyway, right?).

_It started with two small puddles far away, Dick looked down and there they were looking back up at them like a pair of red eyes sparkling in the spotlight._

_He heard ropes snapping, the colossal silence of a crowd holding their breath in unison for eons and the deafening gasp of shock at the end. Dick saw the silhouettes of two broken bodies and those two red puddles grew as if the monster was coming closer and closer to devour him._

_It was a dream, it was out of order but Dick knew this dream, he’d had this dream since he was eight years old and those ropes snapped for real and made him an orphan._

_It was a dream and he understood that but it didn’t stop him from feeling small and alone. He tried to remind himself that it wasn’t real (it was) and that it would go away (but it would be back), he tried to shake it off and told himself “I’m not that little boy anymore, I’m Robin, I’m brave.”_

_Then everything changed in a flash until he wasn’t so sure of anything anymore._

_Dick felt himself fall and the scream was stuck in his throat as he did, but he never hit the ground._

_He hung suddenly by the neck, a noose choking all the air out of him, a leash keeping him from escaping. He tried to claw at it in hopes of getting a small respite, the tiniest bit of air for his aching lungs, but it wouldn’t budge and when he tried to call for help he heard only silence._

_Why was it so quiet?_

_He looked around, searching for anyone that might help him. Batman! Batman always had his back! Where was he? Where was Bruce?_

_He thought he spotted a familiar cowl behind him but when he turned it was just an empty cape staring at him… No, not one but many empty bat capes surrounding and watching and hollowed out._

_The capes loomed and then began to fall like dead sparrows, he followed them down and found an endless black pit, it looked empty like a massive black hole ready to swallow him whole… But it wasn’t, it was filled with bubbling black tar glowing green and sickly, the acrid smell of acid and moldy decaying grave dirt burning into his nose and searing into his lungs._

_Dick was still suffocating but the black tarry goo was hypnotic and faces started bobbing out of it- little boys drowning in it and struggling to stay afloat, a teenager sinking and melting into it until there was nothing left but a bright yellow cape._

_Terror gripped him, a skeletal hand wrapping around him like a constrictor and pulling him down, tugging at the noose until was certain he was about to snap in two… But he didn’t._

_The glowing goo coiled around him, climbed up his body until he was stained black down his soul and it was seeping into his mouth and eyes to gag and blind him until he felt nothing._

_And for a second it was peaceful- cold and empty and suffocating, but peaceful._

_Then he dropped right through all that black and suddenly everything was too bright and red._

_Dick was never squeamish about blood but this was too much even for him- it slid of the walls, pooled on the floor, drenched the furniture, splattered the windows; his hands dripped with it and he felt it oozing from his throat, his vocal chords sliced and flapping uselessly in the silent air._

_The terror felt like a friend, something he could feel and understand even as it eviscerated him. Something better than the nothing and the dark._

_Sound began to return through the static of rushing blood but all he heard was sobbing and crying and tiny baby voices. “Why did you leave us alone?”_

Dick woke up with a start, sat up so quickly that the pain only set in several seconds later. For one long moment he didn’t know why it hurt and he didn’t care because his heart was like a jackhammer shattering his ribs and his hands clawed at his throat in search of a wound that wasn’t there.

He was panting noisily, trying to force his lungs to expand while sweat slid down the back of his neck and between his shoulder blades.

 **“You alright?”** The voice nearly has him jumping right out of his skin but when he looked up it was just Naima, standing at the door looking concerned.

 **“I…”** Dick didn’t know, he was still fighting with his own lungs and shaking all over and the pain kept reminding him of a knife at his back.

 **“Nightmare?”** The beta asked, kind but annoyed, not at him but the kind of annoyance of someone that saw this coming and wasn’t happy about it.

He nodded, sinking back into bed and covering his face with his arms, his panting loud in his own ears.

 **“You were shouting. It woke the children.”** She wasn’t accusing him of anything but Dick still felt awful.

 **“Sorry…”** He mumbled and ran his hands over his sweaty face. **“Just need a moment.”**

 **“Tt. More like a day off.”** Naima left without waiting for another reply just as he felt his bed dip.

Dick didn’t need to look to know Jason was right there, he could smell the distress rolling off the alpha. When he did finally lower his hands and look, the teen was lying next to him and nosing at his ear like a puppy trying to appease a bigger dog.

“You know, when you get better you’re going to be so embarrassed by how cute you are right now.” Dick smiled shakily and placed a hand on Jason’s messy bed hair to play with the curls.

They fell silent, Dick’s hands gradually stopped shaking and his breath slowly evened out as he shook off the nightmare, shoved into a box and buried it deep in the back of his mind. Jason didn’t leave his side.

“Thanks, Jay.” He breathed out the words and stared up at the ceiling in the cloudy morning light. “And thank you for yesterday, little wing. For trying so hard to protect us like that, you’ve come so far and I’m so proud.”

Dick really was proud, Jason’s progress was slow but it was real. He didn’t know if the teen would ever fully recover but he was trying and that was more than anyone could ask from someone so badly abused.

“You were in my dream, you know?” Dick sat up, slowly this time because he’d done enough damage to his stab wound for one day. “You and the twins, my parents too.”

He let out a shaky breath and pulled his knees up to his chest as best as he could without ripping open any stitches, as if making himself a smaller target would keep the pain from hitting him.

“I would never abandon any of you. Not of my own accord. You know that, right?”

Jason didn’t answer but Dick hadn’t expected him to answer anyway, he just needed it to be said. He buried his face in knees for a moment and mumbled. “You think anybody will notice if I spend the day in bed?”

He was tired, there was pain and there was anxiety but most of all just a sort of exhaustion that made even _feeling_ too hard.

Dick had no desire to leave the bed, he didn’t think he had the energy to do anything, he certainly didn’t have the _will_ for anything, even dragging himself to the bathroom felt like too much effort for nothing. Actually, if he could just curl up in a ball and sleep dreamlessly for the next year, that would be great.

But he couldn’t do any of that, slacking off would probably get him killed and even if it didn’t he couldn’t just stop, if he did he’d be alone in his own head with nothing to do but spiral into despair, it was so much better to keep busy and not have to think about his situation, it was better to just deal with the right now and not worry about the tomorrow.

It was easier to focus on everyone else so he didn’t have to look at himself and see what he had become.

“I guess I shouldn’t keep the princes waiting. Let’s go.” Dick smiled, tight and forced but still a smile, and pulled himself out of bed.

He took some time in the bathroom to pull himself together and then helped Jason wash up too. By the time they got to the other room the twins were indeed awake and Naima had brought breakfast (the nannies were once again aware that it was time to avoid Talia), the kids were both stuffing their faces with fruit.

It was really early morning and the sky was heavy with dark clouds despite the stifling heat that had them all sweating. They came to the semi-unanimous decision not to go down into the beach until Dick and Cosmo were healed, Damian did not like this.

Damian wasn’t bored, he had a lot he could do even with Dick too injured to teach him anything physical, but Damian still got restless and upset purely because he did not like change, he liked routine, he like knowing what was coming. In fact, Damian like knowing everything (just like a certain Bat).

At some point Dick tried to give the kids a bath, it was earlier than usual but since they weren’t going to do much anyway it wouldn’t make a difference. Naima tried to take over so he didn’t have to exert himself but he shooed her away and told her to watch Jason instead.

Cosmo climbed happily into the tub and entertained himself with soapsuds but for Damian it was the last straw- the water was wrong (he wanted the sea, not a tub), the temperature was off, there weren’t enough bubbles and then there were too many bubbles, he didn’t want to go in.

Dick rolled his eyes at the complaints and took a deep breath, his patience had run out halfway through stripping the boy so, against his better judgement concerning his injury, he picked the kid up and plopped him in the water.

Damian immediately started screaming and Cosmo covered his ears with soapy hands.

“Holy freak out, Damian! It’s just a bath, not a bloody murder!” Dick shouted but it only made the screaming and kicking worse. “Ugh.” Yeah, he was exhausted already.

Dick kneeled on the ground, washed Cosmo’s hair and rinsed it, all the while letting Damian scream himself out while occasionally trying to get the boy’s attention with bubbles or toys. He didn’t really know what else to do and it was wearing on him.

Eventually Damian calmed down enough that he stopped trying to climb out of the tub and when Dick cupped his hands on the bubbly surface and started making water squirt on him Damian finally laughed a little and started to show interest. Dick taught them how to make the water shoot between their fingers and make weird noises and let them use the new skill on each other while he washed Damian’s hair.

Getting Cosmo out of the bath was a bit of a struggle, he was too enamored with the bubbles and didn’t want to leave but when the foam started dissolving he gave up and let himself be dried off and dressed.

Getting Damian out was a whole other war. Now that he was in the water he didn’t want to come out, he repeated ‘no’ over and over, he squirmed away from Dick, he threw toys, he screamed and he cried. Dick tried mixing cold water into the tub to make the kid uncomfortable enough that he would get out on his own but even that didn’t work.

He was a hairsbreadth away from giving up and just letting Damian prune all day when he decided to just yank the kid out and deal with the resulting tantrum.

Damian did not appreciate being picked up against his will, he screamed again and kicked like a gremlin which resulted in Dick shouting and hissing when a little foot made contact with his bandaged injury.

“Damn it, Damian!” He put the kid down and snapped so loudly that the boy actually backed away a couple of steps with fear in his eyes. Dick sighed heavily and tired. “You don’t have to be scared, Dami. Look, I don’t like to shout but that really hurt.”

The boy watched him check if he’d ripped a stitch (he hadn’t) and made a truly distraught face, it made the deep red bruise on Damian’s cheek stand out even more starkly. “I hurt baba?”

“Little bit, yeah.” Dick smothered the kid in a fluffy towel to dry him off.

“Sorry…” The boy looked ashamed as he allowed himself to be dressed.

“Just be careful next time.” He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the kid’s forehead.

By the time they got back into the room Cosmo was nestled on Jason’s lap and Dick was tired enough that he just sat next to them on the floor and allowed Damian to gravitate to his books. The younger twin was fascinated by the teen’s scars and mapping them like a mini sculptor exploring a lump of clay, Jason himself was clinging to the robin plushie and staring at it.

Naima asked if Dick was alright, she was folding laundry but had heard the commotion and was giving Damian a stern look that could chill anyone (she’d always been the strict one). He nodded and waved the matter off as if it was no big deal, then he started chatting with Jason as he always did, talking about some random adventure as Robin with one of the rogues.

Halfway through a description of how Bruce ended up covered in mud after a fight with Clayface, a pair of small arms suddenly wrapped around Dick’s neck from behind and a warm little body pressed carefully against his back. Dick reached up to hold one those little arms.

“What’s up, Dami?” Even if he hadn’t been able to see Cosmo next to him, he still would have recognized Damian, though the milky baby scent with an undertone of charcoal surrounding him was spiking just a bit too strongly to be soothing.

“I love you, baba…” The boy mumbled bashfully into the back of Dick’s neck.

He felt his heart swell three size and warmth spread sweetly within his ribcage. Dick knew there was more to Damian’s words than just an expression of affection, like his father he always had an ulterior reason for everything he said or did, but it was still the best thing he’d ever heard.

Those words kept him alive.

“I love you too, Dami.” Dick smiled, melting a little from all the affection.

“You mad?” Apparently, Damian wasn’t over what had happened in the bath yet, he’d taken a little bit to stew in it and now he was back. It reminded Dick of another person that liked to brood and overthink things.

“No, baby bat.” Dick turned his head just enough to nuzzle Damian’s head.

“But it hurt.” The child mumbled stubbornly into his shoulder, avoiding any eye contact.

Dick hummed in agreement and squeezed Damian’s arm reassuringly. “You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?”

“Nuh-uh.” Damian shook his head and clung just a little tighter.

“Then I’m not mad.” He tugged on child’s hand. “Come here.”

Damian allowed himself to be guided into Dick’s lap but sat stiffly, as if he was afraid of touching his father. Jason had his head cocked in their direction, listening.

“You won’t hurt me, Dami. Relax.” As soon as he said the words the kid leaned in and hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his chest as Dick rubbed the boy’s back.

“Why?” Damian muttered into his shirt.

“Hm? Why what, baby?” Dick held the child in a loose hug.

“Why you not mad?” The kid stumbled on the words, he was so unbelievable smart but whenever he missed the finer points of grammar Dick was always reminded of how tiny he still was.

“Because I love you and I know it was an accident.”

“No.” Damian shook his head and frowned. “Why you not mad at mama.”

“Oh…” Dick hesitated and bit the inside of his cheek. He opted for honesty. “I _am_ mad at her.”

“She hurt you.”

“Damian…” He sighed, and damn, he was doing that a lot that day. “Talia is… She’s…” Dick wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t completely confuse the kid but he tried not to lie, he wasn’t going to be that kind of parent. “She’s not a nice person. When she gets angry she doesn’t care if you did something on purpose or not, she only cares how she feels. So she hurts people if they don’t do what she wants.”

“You were bad?” The boy looked confused, he didn’t quite look Dick in the eye but was focused on his face at least.

“No, Dami. I was protecting you. I wasn’t bad, but I was angry and going against her and she didn’t like it.” Dick pet the boy’s hair trying to lighten the topic with physical affection. “She never likes me.”

“You hurt her too.” Damian put a hand to his mouth and Dick knew he remembered Talia bleeding, the way her teeth had been stained pink after he had elbowed her in the face.

“I was defending us. I shouldn’t have thrown the first punch, that’s true, but I wasn’t trying to hurt her to be mean. I was trying to protect.” It wasn’t the first time Dick tried to highlight the difference between defense and abuse.

“Hm…” Damian chewed on his lip, brows scrunched in thought.

“What’s confusing you, baby bat?”

“Mama is mean. You should hurt her.” He slapped his tiny hands on his own thighs for emphasis.

“No, Dami. If I did that just because I don’t like her then I would be as bad as her.” Dick tipped the boy’s chin to catch his eyes, he knew eye contact didn’t mean much to these kids but he wanted Damian to remember the determined look on his face. “You don’t just hit people because you can, Dami.”

“She hits.” The boy countered petulantly and rubbed his bruised cheek.

“Yes, because she’s not nice.” Dick repeated again to drive the point home.

“But I was bad first. I yelled.” It was quickly becoming apparent that Damian didn’t understand cruelty, he thought if someone hurt someone else then they had to have been provoked. “Sorry…”

That simplistic thinking could easily spiral into the kid believing it was his fault Talia had hurt them. That wasn’t going to fly, not on Dick’s watch.

“No, don’t say sorry.” Dick cupped the boy’s cheek gently and frowned. God, he hated Talia so much. “Dami, look… Mothers are not supposed to hurt their babies no matter what. Families are not supposed to hurt each other, even when they’re very, very, very angry.”

Dick really didn’t want the kids to think hitting people they loved was normal. He didn’t want them growing up thinking family was about power struggles and that other children where their competition, and most of all, he especially didn’t want them believing that a family’s love was conditional by how obedient they were.

They needed to know that respect went both ways and that Talia’s standards were not the norm.

“But mama…”

“Is bad.” Dick cut off further argument and held the kid close, protectively. “What we have is not normal, baby bat, and I’m sorry you have to see it.”

“Why? Why do we… Why not go away?” Damian sounded confused, annoyed, a little hopeful too.

“We can’t, baby. She won’t let us.” Dick resisted another sigh, had to fight not to let his grief show on his face.

“Don’t want mama.” Despite the whole talk, Damian sounded sad, conflicted even, and Dick knew why.

Damian did like Talia, she was the first alpha he bonded with and he did see a mother in her, he was always trying to impress her and get her attention but now she had hurt him, betrayed his trust. This whole situation was causing him to become disillusioned, she no longer lived up to the mental image he had of her.

“Damian, you can love her or you can hate her or something in between, but I need to promise me that you will listen to her.”

“Why?” That seemed to really confuse the boy.

How was Dick supposed to explain that keeping Talia happy would keep them safe? How could he say that without scaring him and making him aware that there was danger all around all the time?

How was he supposed to tell Damian to give the bully what she wanted without undermining the values he tried to teach? And what happened when she tried to make him do something he knew was bad?

“…She’s a grown-up, you should do as she says no matter what.” It was a cowardly cop out, but the kid was already so confused and to avoid risking Damian saying something he shouldn’t in front of Talia again it was easier to keep things simple.

“But she’s bad!” The boy argued heatedly.

“Yes, and she’ll be worse if you make her angry.” Dick forced himself to be stern, to make it an order. “Leave the fighting to me, you just be a good boy and do what she says.”

“But…” Damian started.

“Please, Dami.”

“Ok…” The boy slumped in Dick’s arms.

“Good boy.” He kissed Damian’s hair and pulled him into another reassuring hug. “You just be the best you can and make us proud.”

Damian nodded and clung to him tightly. Dick noticed Jason staring at them now, Cosmo too, it was strange how similar their faraway expressions were when they weren’t even related by blood.

*

Dick awoke slowly, he wasn’t even sure why he was waking up and his eyes were only barely cracked open when he realized there was a faint green glow right in front of his face.

For a second he thought he was dreaming again but then he blinked and realized it was the middle of the night and the room was still pitch dark except for two glowing green dots in front of him, like fluorescent cat eyes dipped in neon.

Cosmo was staring at him, just silently standing by the side of the bed and staring expressionlessly like some sort of ghost child from a horror movie. It should have been terrifying for any normal human but it only made Dick smile fondly.

“Hey, little glow worm.” Dick whispered, voice scratchy with sleep but soft as to not wake Jason in the other bed ** _. “What’re you doing here?”_**

He tried to sit up and regretted it immediately when the wound on his back pulled painfully, he let out a hiss and managed only to recline against his pillow barely upright.

Cosmo was still staring so Dick beckoned him to come over and reached out a hand to help the toddler crawl up onto the bed. The child pressed up close to him immediately.

 ** _“Can’t sleep?”_** Dick carefully pulled the boy into his lap.

As always, the kid didn’t say anything so Dick went through the motions of looking him over to be sure he was alright and check if he needed to be changed. Cosmo had more or less learned to use the bathroom but it still wasn’t consistent, so they kept him in diapers, especially at night. Everything looked fine though.

The boy stared at him with those eerie glowing eyes and pressed closer, mouthing at Dick’s naked chest. Ah, well, he should have seen that coming.

 ** _“Aren’t you getting too big for that, little prince?”_** Dick smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. **_“Well, alright, I can’t say no to you.”_**

He held the toddler close and let him latch on to a nipple and suck lazily. It was kind of soothing if he was perfectly honest with himself, at least Cosmo didn’t dig his teeth in like a certain other boy.

Truth be told, Dick didn’t have much milk anymore, he had long since returned to his pre-pregnancy appearance and there was very little softness left in the hard well-defined sinew of his body but the twins were still little and his hormones still reacted to them.

Omega males were supposed to bounce back and dry up faster than females but Dick had discovered that it wasn’t an overnight thing, it was gradual and sometimes he still felt the soreness in his chest from the milk build up and needed to relieve the pressure.

Dick had more or less weaned the twins already, they didn’t actually _need_ milk anymore, but Cosmo still nursed every once in a while and even Damian, who tried so hard to act like a big boy, would often want it too. This was especially true when either child was stressed and in the space of a day they had both asked for it already.

It was pretty obvious why, Dick was hurt and the twins were scared, the fight with Talia had been more traumatic than he anticipated and they were reverting back to the most basic forms of comfort they knew.

It wasn’t really about feeding, it was about the closeness- expressing such intimacy in their bond with Dick made them feel protected, cared for and loved.

Dick understood that and they had so little good in their lives as is; despite how advanced they could be for their age they were still babies and he wouldn’t deny them this closeness when they were so shaken up. Besides, he knew his youngest well enough to know that this trust was the closest he’d ever get to saying ‘I love you’.

Cosmo’s eyes were heavy-lidded and casting a little soft glow on Dick’s skin through fanned lashes, his small hand splayed over Dick’s chest to feel his steady heartbeat as he nursed himself into a milk-drunk coma. He’d probably had a nightmare or something and Dick could imagine what it was about.

It wasn’t the first time he’d been stabbed, it wasn’t even the worst time, and he knew he wasn’t going to be the last either. In fact, he knew that even if he never went back to crime-fighting he was still just a wrong word away from becoming a human pin-cushion.

So he wasn’t all that concerned about the messy stitches in his lower back, it would heal and become just another one of his scars, the pain nothing but an occupational hazard. What _did_ concern him was that it was the first time the twins saw somebody hurt like that, specially somebody they loved.

Talia had hurt him before- emotionally, mentally and physically- after all he’d been her prisoner for a very long time and even if he had been an obedient one (he hadn’t) sharing heats with someone you hate was still a recipe for pain.

She’s hurt him several times and he had marks to show for it but he never really cared, never made a big deal out of it because he always managed to keep it out of sight for the boys, he was good at hiding behind a smile.

Yes, he was very aware that sooner or later the twins were bound to witness violence, it was a matter of time before they saw something hideous under Talia’s tutelage, but he had tried to shield them from it as long as possible and it had been unfortunate that their first time seeing something like that had been when the violence was between people they cared about.

They were so young but Dick already knew they were going to remember that day for the rest of their lives, it might even become one of their earliest memories. It was going to be part of what shaped them as people and he hated it, hoped with everything he had that his message had sunk in and that they could understand that this is not how families were supposed to be, that families are meant to love and protect rather than fight and hurt and compete.

Cosmo made a soft little noise of contentment that caught Dick’s attention, he looked down at the drowsy child and held him more securely.

Dick ran his hand through the boy’s hair and down his small arm… And then he caught sight how Cosmo’s shirt was rumpled up and exposing the bandage glued to his side.

He was curious, Damian’s bruises had still not yet peaked into the dark purple he knew was coming but Cosmo’s were almost completely gone with barely a trace of greenish hue to mark where they had been. Dick tried to be gentle peeling the bandage, didn’t want the glue to hurt, but although Cosmo squirmed he didn’t seem to be in pain.

Under the bandage was nothing but a red scratch, the stitches had been rejected and popped out and the gash was almost healed. With a surprised gasp, Dick ran his fingers along the edges of the now faint injury that didn’t even seem serious enough to scar.

Ok, so Cosmo healed fast.

Maybe not as fast as Deathstroke but still much too fast for a human. And he didn’t seem to feel pain. And his eyes glowed in the dark. Did this count as metahuman?

It was a lot to take in and Dick was worried what would happen if anyone found out but he couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony. Batman had such strict rules about metahumans and now his own son…

Dick stopped that train of thought and took a slow breath, thinking about Bruce was too painful and he just wanted to enjoy this little moment with his baby. He taped the bandage back down to hide the evidence and smoothed the boy’s shirt before holding him close with both arms and starting to hum softly in the quiet of the dark room.

Cosmo gave a happy sigh now that the jostling was over and went back to suckling sleepily.

It was nice.

Dick read somewhere that nursing triggered the release of happy hormones like oxytocin to promote bonding and all that jazz. That was about right, it was pretty calming and made him feel extra protective and cuddly with an overwhelming amount of affection pouring out between him and the twins as if their bond suddenly became a tangible warmth wrapped snuggly around them.

There was a small rustle and Dick looked up to find a confused-looking Jason sitting up in his bed, he always looked just a tiny bit more coherent and reactive right after he woke up but it never lasted very long.

“Go back to sleep, Jaybird. It’s still night.” Dick spoke softly, just loudly enough to be heard across the room.

Jason looked at him in the dark, he seemed a little dazed and rather than obey he dragged himself sluggishly out of his bed and crawled into Dick’s. He nosed at the toddler’s hair and then at Dick’s cheek like child searching for reassurance in his pack and scenting them affectionately, then he slumped down with his head on Dick’s shoulder and slowly drooped back to sleep.

Cosmo had fallen asleep too and Dick sighed, effectively trapped, but didn’t mind the affection. He knew if he stayed like that his injury was probably going to hurt like hell in a couple of hours but it was fine, he needed the comfort of their proximity too. He needed the love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe this fic is already novel sized... Why can't I finish an original but can write 100k+ fics in 3 months??
> 
> If anyone gets inspired to do fanart, moodboards, playlists, or fics for this universe please tell me so I can geek out and link them all over this fic for everyone else to enjoy.
> 
> If you want to send me prompts for one-shots, or if you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to send prompts for this universe and I might be inspired to write little one-shots outside the main plotline (any point in time, any genre, SFW or NSFW, go nuts).
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	23. When It Rains It Pours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick does some investigating, some parenting, some..."brothering"? "Step-parenting"?  
> It rains, a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I really needed to keep doing the language reminder?
> 
> If anyone gets inspired to do fanart, moodboards, playlists, or fics for this universe please tell me so I can geek out and link them all over this fic for everyone else to enjoy.
> 
> Anyway, let's explore a whole lot of LP mythos.

Cosmo was a fast healer. This was a thought that wouldn’t leave Dick’s mind, so it was time to study White Ghost’s notes more thoroughly.

Dick had had the notebook for almost a month so he had read most of it, though not all, it was a lot of information to digest and he only wanted to read it when he was alone. It wasn’t that he had a problem with the twins or the maids seeing the notes, it was just that he didn’t want to have to explain anything, specially not until he knew what he was dealing with.

So when he got woken up just before dawn by Jason having a nightmare, he decided that those moments soothing the alpha back to sleep were as good a time as any to study.

Dick was in Jason’s bed before the teen could fully wake and get up, he settled quietly next to alpha and rubbed his back gently until the noises died down and Jason relaxed and sunk into the pillows again.

He remembered how Bruce would pet his hair to calm him once upon a time, just a soft platonic thing that that made his heart swell, he had been doing the same thing to Jason quite often and decided now was a good time for it too- Dick settled back against a pillow and ran his fingers through tangled curls to sooth the alpha.

In the dim light of a lamp, Dick ended up reading the notes while he kept petting, hoping to ward off his packmate’s nightmares, whatever they may be.

The notes on the Lazarus Pit turned out to be much better reading material than Dick thought and they gave a lot more information than just details on the Pits.

True, they were vague concerning anything practical- no chemical formulas or compositions, no locations, no names of people involved, no dates and no instructions.

There’s was nothing in the notes that could be used in a practical sense, nothing a spy could take advantage of, but oh, there was a wealth of information about the Al Ghuls if one knew the right context in which to insert the notes- and Dick knew.

He learned that there several Pits scattered around the world, all in sacred or heavily mystical locations (something about ley lines) and all under Ra’s Al Ghul’s control. That was why he had so many different personal headquarters, all incredibly well-guarded.

Dick also quickly surmised that Ra’s rotated between those headquarters because of the Pits, there were notes indicating that they could dry up from overuse or take decades to replenish themselves, their powers were not infinite.

Not infinite but certainly not that limited either because Dick found notes that the Pits were more ancient than mankind itself, though they appeared to have been discovered and began to be experimented on a good six hundred years ago in the Arabian Peninsula by a physician.

It really, really, _really_ irked him because Dick was pretty sure that person was Ra’s and while the age shocked him, it didn’t dampen his annoyance over the fact that the guy had been a freaking doctor at some point in time.

Dick thought he had been so smart naming the twins after the patron saints of medicine but now the irony of it hit him like a brick to the face. Well, at least it explained why Talia accepted the names so quickly.

Further along, there was some information about the waters of the Pit being diluted and still working to some extent, about mass hysteria and violence in ancient civilizations near several Pit locations as well as humans with absurd longevity but altered mental states in others.

There was data about failed attempts at creating artificial Lazarus Pit prototypes, about theories that a person’s awareness could transferred into other bodies through the waters. There was also some talk of wildlife and plant life evolving, fusing and mutating over time in areas near Pits.

That last part got Dick thinking of Poison Ivy, which in turn led him to thinking about Batman and Ivy fighting, black skintight armored fabric over a powerfully sculpted body on one side and bright red hair clashing with skimpy greenery over attractive curves on the other…

That train of thought had him distracted for a good few minutes because was aware of how starved for intimacy he was and he happened to be in one of those moods where he missed Bruce more than he was angry or saddened by the memory of him.

Grief and… whatever it was Dick was suffering from, were funny like that, they hit in waves and his moods were a freaking roulette (the suppressants probably didn’t help that last part but he’d rather have mood swings than give those up).

He had to smack himself out of the little fantasies and focus on the words in front of him.

Another page in the notebook had some very damning talk about how the waters were used in experimentation, both medical and for the creation of poisons and highly addictive DNA-altering drugs.

Dick knew those tidbits already, back when he was still Robin, Batman had dealt with those drugs and the half-animal super-soldier addicts created by them, though he’d never told Robin how or why he’d stumbled on them. (Dick really needed to stop thinking about _him_ , it was getting hard to focus).

Then there was the usual gist, the stuff Talia had already given him the rundown about but in much more vivid and sordid detail- the classic of dead people coming back to life, the unpredictable effects on healthy people, and magic healing for the injured and the old.

It wasn’t as clear cut as Talia made it sound before, she was right that nobody really understood the Pits and their odd mix of science and magic, and the rules around them weren’t clear because every time someone thought they had figured it out something suddenly changed.

Yes, the dead came back to life nine out of ten times but the longer a body had been dead for the less likely it was to bring it back and if the bodies were too decayed they could return as rotting ghouls and quickly consume themselves. They could also come back with new abilities or less abilities then they used to have, they could even come back with side-effects of whatever killed them in the first place.

The old and the injured were tricky, they could be cured and rejuvenated or they could just die, most of the time their bodies were perfectly restored but they came out as angry mindless things that could only devour and destroy.

Either way, those who went in climbed back out insane for a while.

Well, ‘a while’ was generous, Dick was more inclined to see Ra’s as proof that the crazy never really went away but from what Bruce had told him, the Pit could actually drive people feral for a short amount of time and that was a whole other level of crazy.

Still, if Ra’s and Talia were anything to go by, it was possible that the effects of the Pit on the mind might be permanent in some cases… Or maybe dying and coming back over and over again was just a kind of trauma that destroyed the mind, maybe even the soul.

Unless, of course, father and daughter were just naturally sadistic and unstable. Dick couldn’t discard the possibility that they were just rotten to core and that the Pit had nothing to do with it.

However, Dick’s theory that the insanity never really went away was just further bolstered by a note about how heightened emotions and fight-or-flight responses could trigger bouts of madness, psychosis or obsessive behavior in people even years after going through the Pit. He was pretty sure that little note was a warning to him specifically, it would’ve been obvious even if it hadn’t been circled in a very suspicious way in different colored ink.

There were a couple of pages that spoke about how repeated exposure seemed to minimize side-effects but also lead to mutations down to a cellular level, the Pit changed people and its influence could literally become part of someone’s very being and be passed on through generations.

It explained why the Al Ghuls kept themselves alive so long without succumbing to the worst of the effects, it was so deeply ingrained in Ra’s’ blood that he passed on his tolerance to his descendants.

A small story about the effects of the Pit on normal living humans gave Dick another piece of the Al Ghul puzzle- apparently a healthy woman tagged only as ‘M’ had been pushed into a Pit and died instantly, orders were given to resurrect her but all failed.

If she was important enough that Ra’s tried to get her back repeatedly, Dick assumed she must have been family or very valuable and the idea that the Pit could be that deadly without any logical explanation was rather terrifying.

Suddenly, there was a peculiar note that Dick hadn’t seen before and that had his heart skipping a beat, an icy chill slithering down his spine and distilling into his blood.

It spoke about how when more than one person used the Pit at the same time there could be DNA transference between bodies, people taking on little bits of each other and even ending up temporarily influenced by one another on a psychological level.

And just like that Dick had… _concerns_.

Had Talia gone personally gone into the Pit with the twins when she saved them? Is that why everybody was shifty about believing the twins were hers? Because there was just enough of her in them to cast doubt on DNA tests? Was that why she hadn’t outright killed Dick when he escaped? Because the circumstances of the twins’ birth gave her the perfect excuse to pull them into the Pit with her?

Dick didn’t want to believe any of that but he knew the information was going to burrow into his brain and nag him for the rest of his life. Maybe reading this notebook had been a mistake.

Clearly the Pits defied nature itself and they didn’t give without taking something in return (be it sanity or soul), they were too unpredictable.

There were no notes about the effects of the Pit on babies of any kind though and it made Dick worry about the price the twins had to pay to survive those waters, a price they might end up paying for the rest of their lives.

Dick was glad the boys were alive and if he had to do it again he would still have asked Talia to save them but if he was the one dying? He wouldn’t want to be brought back, not that way, not when the chances of turning into a monster were so high.

He set the notebook aside with trembling hands.

He could tell why White Ghost wasn’t worried about passing on the information, Dick wouldn’t want it spread, not when there were enough little references to the scent of the Pit and physical changes that could have enemies very interested in the boys. He decided he was either going to return the damn thing or chuck it in a fire.

Dick leaned back against his pillow and glanced at Jason- he was sleeping soundly and snoring softly with his head practically on Dick’s lap. The twins hadn’t crawled into Dick’s bed in the middle of the night so they were probably sleeping peacefully too but Dick suddenly needed to check, he pet the teen gently and then slowly got up and crossed silently into the other room.

The boys were sprawled together asleep, Cosmo sucking his thumb as always and Damian drooling with his arm over his brother. Even Samir was slumped over in his seat in the corner with his head tipped over the back of the wicker chair like he did sometimes when it was his night to stay with the boys.

Everything was a picture of calm but Dick felt anything but, he was stressed out of his mind and worried, all the new information set him on edge and had him reeling. What was he going to do about these new suspicious? What _could_ he possibly do?

Dick scrubbed a hand over his face and looked at the notebook in his hand again.

Why did it feel like his situation had just gotten more desperate? He’d convinced himself that he was never getting out of this situation, he gave up trying to escape in exchanged for his children’s well-being, but now he realized he’d still been holding on to some nameless hope that the truth would come out and the twins might still escape Talia’s clutches and that hope was now melting away like snow in Spring.

And yet…What if nothing in that notebook was real? The Al Ghuls could be trying to mess with his head again, it was a very strong possibility. He could latch on to that, he trust his paranoia, couldn’t he?

Did it matter if they _were_ real though? None of the new information changed what he felt for the boys or Talia, none of it was going to change his behavior towards his children either.

All this new information was overwhelming and hard to swallow.

And Dick wasn’t Bruce.

Bruce loved information more than anything, loved having every last fact and being the smartest person in the room, he thrived on collecting secrets even when they were painful. Dick, on the other hand? Well, he learned from his mentor, he was just paranoid enough that he also needed all the facts all the time, but he didn’t love it, sometimes (times like this) ignorance could in fact be blissful.

*

The clouds hadn’t left the sky in days. Dick was starting to miss the blue but at least the temperature had dropped a little and it no longer felt like they were stuffed in a sauna.

The boys were going a little stir crazy with the changes in routine. Dick still took them to the dojo every afternoon and had them practicing whatever he could teach them without ripping open his own stitches, but the mornings were tough, the twins didn’t like sitting still very long (not even Cosmo, who was generally the quiet one).

Dick took to teaching them math during the mornings and that was why he was sitting on the floor with a bunch of books and papers and pencils with two very frustrated toddlers.

Most people he knew hated math but Dick was pretty good at it (Bruce and Alfred would have accepted no less of his studies). Numbers were easy, they left no room for argument or opinion, and Dick’s innocent years as a Gotham Academy mathlete were probably some of the happiest of his life.

Back in the circus he learned about angles and calculating distance for their acts at a very young age, it became second nature and came naturally and instinctively. In those days numbers were a comfort purely because no matter where in the world the circus travelled to, math never changed, it was universal everywhere and a reliable constant.

Then he became Robin and suddenly Bruce was dumping a buttload of physics on his lap because using grapnels mid-air in a complex environment like the cityscape wasn’t something that could just be achieved on instinct and one wrong move mid-chase could have him falling to his death or slamming through a window. The danger just made it more fun, he thrived on it.

In fact, Dick thrived so well with numbers that he humbled Bruce once and that one situation still made him glow with delight.

Bruce had tried to expand Robin’s hand-to-hand combat repertoire and tried to convince him to follow the techniques more to the letter instead of relying so much on flourish and flips. Thinking back Dick was now pretty sure Bruce feared all the grandstanding and showmanship might give away his identity in a fight even though the unpredictability of his moves was a positive, but back then Dick had taken it badly.

He had sulked and spent the next week writing mathematical reports (complete with flow charts) on why his flippy and acrobatic moves were necessary to create centripetal force and inertia so that the power of his blows could compensate for his smaller size.

Needless to say, nothing moved Batman as well as the empirical power of mathematics so Dick had been encouraged to explore his acrobatics even further after that and his love of numbers only grew with that victory.

Damian didn’t seem to share Dick’s love for numbers though. He got annoyed pretty quickly, kids his age would be advanced if they could count to ten but Damian was already learning basic multiplication and division, he grasped it all pretty fast but got bored just as rapidly and started doodling over math exercises.

The curious thing was that even though Damian covered pages in drawings and didn’t actually write down any numbers to solve any problems, he could still give Dick accurate verbal answers when asked.

It was unclear how much Cosmo grasped, he had taken to just writing down numbers over and over again, sometimes backwards, and then mixed them into repetitive patterns that he wouldn’t stop scribbling down, he clearly knew all the numbers but nothing he wrote down made any sense or was even slightly connected to what Dick and Naima kept trying to teach.

It was fine, Cosmo was two, Dick was already deeply impressed that he knew how to draw the numbers at all.

He wondered how old Bruce had been when he started learning math. Sometimes, when he was helping Alfred with chores, the butler would tell amusing stories of Bruce as a child but Dick couldn’t remember any about the alpha as a toddler. Nonetheless, Dick would bet the twins were more like Bruce in that aspect because they certainly were nothing like him.

Despite his love of numbers, Dick definitely wasn’t that advanced at their age, or rather, physically he’d been a little more advanced because of the type of rigorous upbringing circus life gave him and the sheer amount of people he socialized with every single day, but intellectually? He couldn’t remember anything before the age of three and he certainly didn’t understand letters or numbers before he was four or five, much less how to put them together and make them work.

“Dami, five times five?” Dick pointed at the particular exercise that Damian was drawing over with some yellow and green blobs.

“Two-five.” The boy said without hesitation, without even stopping his doodles.

“Ok, and what number is that exactly? Two and five?”

“Seven.” The boy blurted out. Dick laughed softly under his breath.

“No, Dami. Not two plus five, two and five together.” He grinned and gestured and watched Damian pause.

“Tenny-five.” The boy looked at him with a very serious frown.

“Twenty. Twenty-five, kiddo.” Dick corrected warmly and ruffled the child’s hair.

“Twenty.” Cosmo repeated in an almost sing-song tone, obviously listening but even more obviously daydreaming as he kept writing down random strings of numbers. “Twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty.”

Damian pouted grumpily at the correction and tossed a crayon at his brother’s head. Cosmo just picked the blue stick up after it bounced off his forehead and started using it for his numbers too.

“Damian, don’t throw things at…” Dick cut off when he heard a familiar and nostalgic sound.

There was a soft but insistent tip-tap against the windows and a faint rustling noise in the distance.

Jason heard it too, he was sitting nearby with the robin plushie and cocked his head towards the windows immediately. Dick got up and nearly tripped over the teen in his rush to get the balcony doors open.

The sky was a deep grey and fat drops of water were falling from it and splashing onto the marble of the manor, sliding down all the greenery in the grounds beyond it. It was raining.

It was raining!

Dick hadn’t seen rain in… dear god, he couldn’t even remember.

Without even thinking he stepped out into the balcony and thrust out his hands, palms up. The water was cool but in the tropical heat it made little difference. He tipped his head back and felt the drops shower onto his face, slowly picking up speed until his clothes were drenched and sticking to his skin.

It felt so familiar, so nostalgic. Dick used to take the rain for granted, was even annoyed by it during cold Gotham (and Bludhaven) nights but after three years it felt downright magical to feel the cool sting against his skin, gliding along his lips, dripping from the ends of his hair and beading on his eyelashes.

Dick closed his eyes against the rain.

The noise of the showering droplets drowned out the world, even drowned out the restless thoughts that never shut up in his head, and for a second it almost felt like he was back home, for a moment everything was so peaceful.

 **“Tt.”** Naima’s little tongue click barely reached his ears. **“You’re soaked through, you’ll get sick.”**

 **“Don’t ruin this for me.”** Dick grinned and turned his head to see the beta standing at the door with the twins and Jason.

Damian and Cosmo both looked confused and a little frightened, reluctant to move from their spot behind Jason’s legs. It was interesting how Damian, who was still wary of Jason as a brother, always seemed to go to the young alpha for safety.

Dick had completely forgotten the boys had never once seen rain in their entire lives, he’d told them about it before when the word popped up in one of their bedtime books but seeing the real thing must have been a shock.

“It’s just rain.” Dick turned fully and crouched down to be at eye level with the kids, that particular pose hurt like hell but he kept that to himself. ** _“Do you want to feel it? It’s not scary, it’s just water.”_**

Damian was the first to take a tentative step forward, he walked out and then promptly stumbled back inside when rain splashed on his head. The boy reached up and tried to clumsily rub away the weird sensation of the drops against his scalp and made a grumpy face.

Dick laughed softly but noticed that Jason had a hand extended out and was watching the droplets pool in his palm, showing a far more lucid reaction than normal.

“Wanna join me, Jaybird?” He extended a hand patiently to the alpha but didn’t expect Jason to take it at all, he never did… Except this time.

The teen reached forward and grabbed Dick’s hand, allowing himself to be pulled gently into the downpour. Jason made a little sound, almost like a tiny moan in the back of his throat, and tipped his back just as Dick had done, basking in the rain.

“If you close your eyes, it almost feels like Gotham, doesn’t it, little wing?” Dick smiled and let go of Jason’s hand just to wrap an arm around the teen’s shoulders. “I haven’t seen rain in three years, can you believe that? I never knew I could miss something so basic so badly.”

The downpour grew heavier, the sound almost deafening in the background.

Dick spotted Cosmo cautiously crawling out into the balcony, testing the feeling of the rain and recoiling several times before he finally determined he didn’t hate it and toddled over to Jason, looking at the alpha for a moment before mimicking the pose with his head tipped back to enjoy the slight sting of the drops against his face.

Damian was sitting in the threshold, still refusing to come out fully and covering his ears with his hands against the strange sound, an annoyed pout making his brows furrow and his lower lip jut out.

 ** _“What’s wrong, Dami?”_** Dick leaned close to the boy, still in the rain.

Instead of replying the older twin shook his head stubbornly and refused to stop covering his ears.

 ** _“I know it’s a little loud and different but it won’t hurt you.”_** He smiled softly and extended a hand like he had done for Jason. **_“Do you want to join baba? You don’t have to, you can stay inside if you want.”_**

Damian huffed but eventually gave in and ran to Dick, as if he was afraid of losing his nerve if he went any slower, and made little grabbing hands at his father. **_“Up.”_**

Very carefully as to not upset his recovering injury (it still did, badly, but Dick didn’t mind a little pain, he was too happy from the rain), he bent down and pulled the boy into his arms, holding him as they walked further outside and into the shower.

Damian didn’t look happy and was wincing under the onslaught of water but Dick moved a little, shielding him against his chest, splashing some puddled water and twirling very slowly like a pale mimicry of a dance, humming ‘Singing in the Rain’ under his breath until the boy was more focused on the movement and the splashing than the strange new phenomenon.

He wanted Damian to know there was nothing to be afraid of, wanted him to get used to the rain, enjoy it even.

A flash of light caught everyone’s attention and a few seconds later a loud crack of thunder had Damian screeching until Dick let him go and both twins were running back inside. They were scared but Dick couldn’t help but smile a little.

“This is all new to them, they’ve never seen any rain at all before today. They lived most of their lives underground.” He explained to Jason, placing a hand on the alpha’s back to try to gently steer him out of the downpour. “Ready to go back in, Jay?”

Jason let himself be ferried back inside, Naima was already coaching the twins out from the closet where they hid to dry them off so Dick wasted no time grabbing a towel to dry the teen out too. Jason didn’t move at all as Dick helped him strip and then dried all over before dressing him freshly laundered clothes.

By the time they were done, the alpha wandered to a window and sat staring out at the rain while Dick changed his own clothes (his bandages were soaked through but he didn’t give that much thought, he’d change them later).

Naima was having a lot more trouble on her end, Cosmo let her dry him and dress him before he crawled onto Jason’s lap and curled up against the alpha, but Damian refused to leave his corner and shrieked every time a new crash of thunder made the windows shudder. Dick had to sit next to him on the floor of the closet and patiently drag him into his lap with a fluffy towel around him.

“It’s just thunder.” Dick murmured softly. He figured as soon as the kid calmed down they’d be going from math to science because he was sure Damian would have fifty thousand questions about where rain came from and what caused thunder.

He slowly peeled away the boy’s wet clothes to get him into something dry and cozy even though the kid was making it difficult. Another deafening crack of thunder and Damian curled into his chest, threatening to cry at any second.

“Nothing’s going to hurt you, baby bat. Not while I’m around.” Dick held the boy close and kissed the top of his head, black hair damp against his lips.

*

The rain didn’t stop for several weeks, it just kept pouring and flooding parts of the island. The heat wasn’t as bad as before but still stuck around, and the combination just made the air feel sticky and soupy.

The first few days of such a monsoon were a mess.

Cosmo seemed as fascinated with rain as he was with starlight but the weird weather kept making him doze off and nap in random places. This meant he wasn’t focused on anything Dick tried to teach him and never ended up tired enough to sleep through the night, which in turn meant he tended to wake up at ungodly hours and sneak into Dick’s bed for attention… or worse.

If nobody was awake to stop him, Cosmo would silently scamper around and do strange things like pull pages off books and bury himself in them or pour soap and shampoo all over the floor until everything was a slippery frothy disaster zone. Worse yet, he tended to stick completely non-edible things in his mouth and risk choking on them.

Damian, on the other hand, was on edge _all the time_. He didn’t like the noise of the rain and it made him very irritable and prone to yelling and acting out, the fine line between tantrum and meltdown was becoming blurred very quickly… Well, to Dick at least, nobody had ever been able to tell the difference at all but he knew there was a big one.

Tantrums were a matter of discipline, Damian being bratty as any kid is age or reacting badly when denied or opposed or misunderstood, but a meltdown was an uncontrollable and involuntary reaction to something overwhelming.

A tantrum was unpleasant but it was something that could be reasoned with or disciplined, a meltdown on the other hand was just Damian suffering loudly and fighting back because the world was suddenly too much (too loud, too big, too bright, too stressful, too complicated, to scary) to handle.

To make matters worse, even after Dick explained the science of lightning to him, Damian would still get scared and overwhelmed when thunder started roaring and if it happened to wake him at night he usually ended up wetting the bed and, more often than not, the whole situation triggered one those famous meltdowns, forcing Dick to hold him tightly and rock him in the dark until he calmed down while one of the nannies changed the bedding.

It took a couple of weeks for everyone to start getting used to the change and by then Dick was seriously sleep deprived.

It didn’t help at all that Talia hadn’t stopped showing up every day but thus far since Christmas she usually only stayed long enough to gather updates from the nannies and see the kids before disappearing to her responsibilities. Dick prayed to every single deity he had ever heard of that the short visits would continue to be just that- _short_.

The only positive change was Jason.

The alpha kept trying to go outside and Dick was the only one that convince him to stay in, it usually meant a lot of talking and a lot of attention. However, Jason had surprisingly started looking at Dick when spoken to, or, well, not directly at him but towards his general vicinity- he appeared to be trying very hard to concentrate on faces only to rapidly loose focus and for his gaze to start to wander and turn foggy.

It wasn’t much but Dick felt like Jason was definitely improving faster since the rain started. He seemed lucid enough to _want_ to make an effort and he’d started reacting more consistently to small gestures, like taking Dick’s hand when it was offered or picking up one of the twins then they asked and made grabby hands rather than just passively allowing them to crawl into his arms or lap like before.

And when Dick hugged him, Jason even started wrapping his arms automatically around the omega and clinging to his shirt. It wasn’t quite the same as hugging back but it was a start, his actions were getting more complex and at least his body was reacting to more than just a fight-or-flight response or animal instinct.

Dick was almost hopeful, Jason’s improvement was almost enough to make all the other stress worth it.

And then Talia got displeased that the twins weren’t training as much as they used to and decided to change that herself, she decided it was time to be more involved.

Dick wanted to scream.

He was sure the gods either didn’t exist or if they did then they hated him on a personal level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up- Talia makes some changes with the twins, Talia also decides it's time to deal with our fav zombie boy. Dick is in for another fight.
> 
> If you want to send me prompts for one-shots, or if you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to send prompts for this universe and I might be inspired to write little one-shots outside the main plotline (any point in time, any genre, SFW or NSFW, go nuts).
> 
> EDIT: This chapter has been modified slightly.  
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> And remember- comments are the only pay I get for all this fast writing, it's what keeps my going in this sad lonely existence, it's what inspires me to write faster, and your comments are awesome.


	24. Time For A Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talia enjoys some time with the twins, something is up with Ra's and Dick is an overprotective packmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter was slightly altered, the change has no effect on the plot but it was something about Dick's characterization that I wanted to change. My fault for mixing up different bits of canon from different ages, it's better now.
> 
> This chapter was weirdly hard to write but here it is. Enjoy.

Something strange was going on.

It took Dick a while to notice because he was too on edge about Talia being around every day and too busy with Jason and the kids but he knew something was off. Talia, especially, seemed to be in a particularly good mood all the time now so he knew she was up to something but until he figured out what, he had to busy himself with everything else.

Jason was making a lot of progress, he seemed to be taking things in just a little bit more lucidly and Dick could now coach him into doing things instead of just reacting.

Sometimes Dick would guide Jason into training katas with Cosmo, mostly because he just had to follow the toddler’s repetitive moves, it never lasted very long because Jason would drift off and loose focus but it was kind of amazing to see the teen taking in other people’s actions instead of just spacing out or reacting automatically. Other times Damian would be playing and Jason would join in even if most of the time that simply involved letting the kid use him as a jungle gym or holding the child’s crayons (Damian still had some jealousy issues with Jason but that softened him up a little).

The maids liked Jason too, at first they seemed distant and shared the opinion that someone that damaged was of no use to the League but it took very little time for them to change their mind because if Dick liked the teen then they couldn’t help but like him too. 

Dick didn’t really want anyone else taking care of Jason because he felt it was his responsibility and he didn’t know how Jason felt about strangers in his current state but he really couldn’t stop the nannies from trying to interact.

Samir talked animatedly to the alpha _a lot_ , even though as far as Dick knew Jason never learned a lick of Arabic and probably didn’t understand a word. Naima was generally uncomfortable when she caught the teen wandering around or standing somewhere impassively for long periods of time, so she’d click her tongue and go out of her way to do her chores in his company and keep an eye on him. Fatima liked to give Jason treats (Dick always joked that she treated him like a puppy) and tended to have him hold things for her, like laundry while she was folding or tidying, she said she wanted him to feel useful.

Despite Dick’s insistence that he didn’t need help with Jason, he was rather glad that his makeshift pack went out of their way to include the teen anyway.

Talia showed great interest in Jason too but she wasn’t particularly impressed in his improvement, she seemed more concerned about keeping him close by and Jason kept gravitating towards her too but not in a good way- most of the time the scent rolling off him was all challenge and aggression, like he was displeased by a competing alpha in his territory. Talia found it cute and never looked bothered.

After Christmas she had started showing up after lunch every day just for a few minutes, then a couple of weeks later she got more involved and wanted to spend every afternoon with them, acting as if nothing strange had happened. As if she hadn’t hurt one of the children and violently stabbed someone in front of them.

Several weeks had passed since then and Talia still insisted on spending time with the twins every day like clockwork, mostly teaching them how to hold and use a shinai properly and telling them stories of old wars and mythological heroes. In her own way she was acting motherly.

Of course, she berated Cosmo and threatened to smack him when the rain made him sluggish or when spaced out and stopped listening; and whenever it seemed like Damian was about to cry, usually over some thunder or an overly harsh word, she’d whisper things Dick could never hear but that made the trembling boy scrub his eyes stubbornly and glare like an angry bat for the rest of the day.

Neither twin wanted to be around her at first but Dick convinced them to do as she said, they were scared but he told them that if they listened to her then she would be nicer to them, if they made her proud they would never need to be scared. There was also some degree of bribery to get them to obey.

Damian always remembered to call Talia ‘mama’ or ‘mother’, that lesson had stuck like fly-tape, but he still tended to get irritated and yell or disobey when he lost his patience. That scared Dick to death but as it turned out Talia encouraged it to a certain degree.

She told Damian that he was right to be proud, that he was superior to everyone else and needed to start proving it; she encouraged his anger and frustration, telling him to harness it and use it against his opponent. Damian didn’t understand any of it but the encouragement made him bold.

Still, that didn’t mean Talia wouldn’t scare him with her scent or her words whenever he got a little too defiant or threatened a tantrum.

Cosmo was never great around Talia, he wasn’t openly defiant but most of the time it was like she didn’t even register in his radar and he’d never been great at doing what people wanted him to, half the time it was unclear if he even understood orders or instructions at all, his mind always seemed elsewhere.

Talia took this at face value and assumed the younger twin was simply too weak and dim, but she had a renewed interest him and kept pushing the boy around, apparently making him scared enough to _try_ (and often _fail_ ) to mimic everything Damian did. For Talia that was a victory and she gloated to Dick how she could educate the boy better than he could.

Dick didn’t say a word to her, in fact he tried to stay well out of her way most of the time even as he watched the kids like a hawk, and when he couldn’t stay out of the way he kept his mouth firmly shut. Talia took this as submission, it pleased her and made her treat him like a pet even more than a slave, Dick hated it but swallowed his pride because she had changed the rules of the game when she stabbed him in front of the kids.

He wasn’t afraid of her, not for himself. If she had really wanted to kill him it would have been easy, in fact what she had done was significantly harder and much more skillful, she had meant only to hurt and scare as much as possible without injuring vital organs.

Talia never had any problem making him suffer and Dick could handle that, but now he knew that if he pushed too hard she was not averse to making him suffer _in front of the twins_ and he didn’t want any more of that trauma on their shoulders. It was also clear she had no problem using corporal punishment on the kids too and that was why he tried not to put her in a bad mood.

It was early February and Dick would have to talk to White Ghost again soon for more suppressants but he had more pressing matters in his hands that day.

The twins where kind of, but not really, sparring with their little bamboo swords under Talia’s critical gaze, she kept correcting them strictly and whenever they did something right she gave them just enough praise to hook them, to have them wanting more.

Cosmo wasn’t doing well, his go-to was to imitate Damian rather than attack on his accord so he kept getting pushed down and was rapidly growing frustrated and threatening to shut down (or worse, cry), and no amount of Talia’s threats and orders would stop him because he wasn’t like Damian. Dick was worried but if he interfered now things would get worse.

Jason was trying to move towards Talia again and getting riled up, it wasn’t noticeable because he didn’t physically show it but his scent was a mess and there was a sort of hidden tension in his body that only Dick recognized. It wasn’t easy but he tried to distract the alpha with conversation while they sat in the far end of the dojo, one hand firmly on the teen’s shoulder to keep him from getting up.

“Easy, Jay. Just stay with me.” Dick spoke gently when the alpha tried to get up and head towards Talia for the fifth time that afternoon. He was running out of things to talk about. “Wanna hear something funny? The first toy I ever made for the twins was a mobile with little bats.” Dick grinned and elbowed Jason softly in the ribs. “Get it? A bat-mobile?”

The teen turned his head slowly towards him, apparently distracted, but before Dick could say anything else there was a loud smacking sound and a shout. Dick had been so focused on keeping Jason in check that he wasn’t sure what was happening with the kids but somehow Damian got hurt.

Dick rushed right to the twins when he heard Damian cry out on the ground, he shoved Talia out of the way without a second thought and forgot all about Jason for a moment.

It wasn’t serious, the boy seemed to have been smacked with a shinai and taken a fall that hurt his wrist and would probably sprout a couple of bruises. Dick found it suspicious because one of the first thing he taught Damian was how to fall without getting injured and the way the boy kept looking at Talia while making a crazy effort not to cry gave Dick the impression that he hadn’t fallen on his own.

“Really, Richard, you spoil them far too much.” Talia clicked her tongue with some degree of disappointment when Dick pulled Damian into his lap and kissed his injured wrist in an attempt to calm him. “How will they learn strength if you keep rushing to coddle them at every little spill?”

“I’m in charge of their safety.” Dick recited bitterly but bit his tongue against what he really wanted to say, he figured that reminding her these were toddlers and calling her an abusive sociopath wouldn’t go down very well.

“There is no danger here other than their own ineptitude.” Talia waved her hands around the dojo but she didn’t sound annoyed or angry, a little mocking maybe. “Maybe there should be, it could be a good incentive.”

“I thought _I_ was the one supposed to be training them.” Dick snapped back, hiding Damian against his chest while the boy wiped away the tears in the corners of his eyes before they could fall. Under his breath he whispered to the boy. **_“Don’t cry in front of her, baby bat. You can cry later, I promise.”_**

“Then train them properly.” Her reply was simple and blunt. “Soon enough they will have other teachers and we would not want them to disappoint.”

“Whatever you say.” Dick glowered and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, he finally set Damian down when it seemed the kid was composed enough.

“At least he seems to have learned not to cry.” Talia leaned close to pet the kid’s cheek and planted a kiss on the top of his head- “You are getting stronger, little love.”

Damian seemed torn by the praise but before he could say or do anything Jason was right there, standing between all of them and Talia. The woman laughed softly, like tinkling bells, and pat the teen’s cheek too.

“Sweet Jason, you are delightful. I cannot wait to train with you too.” Talia walked to the edge of the dojo, she put away her own shinai and slipped on her shoes. “Let us end early today. I believe there are some fresh sweets in the kitchen, make sure the children have some.”

Talia was being too nice, she was in far too good a mood. In fact, her mood had just been getting lighter and more cheerful with each passing day, making her reactions unpredictable. It made Dick very uneasy.

She was up to something, he was sure of it, he felt it in his bones and every instinct he had as a vigilante, as an investigator, told him that this new interest in all of them had far more to it than met the eye.

*

Dick never interacted with Ra’s and the man didn’t spend much time in the manor anyway even when Dick knew he was around. He had this theory that the ruins on the other side of the island were hiding something and that’s where Ra’s was spending his time.

Under any other circumstances he probably would have investigated that, might have tried to snoop out League plans and thwart them, but he’d long since stopped caring, it was easier on his conscience and on his nerves if he just focused on the twins and didn’t get tangled up with Ra’s business.

However, in the last few weeks the Demon’s Head had been around often. Dick sometimes saw Ra’s and Talia walking together or heard them in the dinning room when he was taking the kids down to kitchens for dinner (the children weren’t allowed to dine with Talia until they learned proper table manners). Yet lately something about Ra’s presence just felt different, Dick couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Then one night he spotted a familiar big bald beta in the corridors when he was returning from the kitchens, the kids were in their room already but Damian was complaining about the bruises he’d gotten so Dick had gone to get some ice for the boy’s wrist when he saw the large guard turn a corner.

Ubu was a massive stone-faced man and fiercely loyal, Dick had only recently learned his name but he remembered him from when he was first captured and imprisoned, the man had been hounding Talia’s steps back then but nowadays Dick knew he was Ra’s personal bodyguard or something of the sort. The funny part was that Dick remembered Ra’s having a huge bald servant called Ubu when he first met him many years before, but it was definitely not the same one as this beta.

He could have ignored the man’s presence, if he was around that meant so was Ra’s and Dick had no interest in crossing paths with the Demon’s Head if he could avoid it, he already saw too much of the man from a distance every other day, but there was something unusual in the air that drew his curiosity. The hallways smelled like the usual residents of the house but there was something distinctly wrong in the middle of all the scents.

Dick followed Ubu at a safe distance, two corridors and a flight of stairs later he had to stop and hide behind a marble column because the beta had stopped and Ra’s was right there exiting his suite.

The alpha wore his usual suit under that stupid green cape with the popped collar that made even Dick cringe (and _his_ first Nightwing suit had been all about the disco collars and v-neck cleavage). Despite the usual clothing something was different about Ra’s- it wasn’t very obvious but his usually bronze skin was ashy, he looked greasy and perspired, he seemed thinner with sunken eyes and there was weariness and frailty hidden in his proud walk.

And the smell… There was Ubu’s scent and there was Ra’s’ dangerous suffocating aroma of dried blood and herbs and Lazarus Pit, but there was something underneath it all, something foul and rotten twisting in every note of the alpha’s scent.

Was Ra’s sick? When Dick thought back to all the times he’d seen the man in the past few weeks he realized Ra’s had been looking a bit off for a while but never quite like this.

And if Ra’s was ill why had Talia been in such a good mood lately? That made no sense.

The door clicked shut and both men started to walk away in the opposite direction, Ra’s talking with tired voice but from so far away it was unintelligible. Dick frowned and turned to head back to the room with the squelching ice pack slipping between his fingers, then he paused.

Nothing made sense and he didn’t like that, he couldn’t be apathetic all the time.

Dick took a deep breath, annoyed at himself for his own burning curiosity. He abandoned the ice and snuck around to follow the men again.

He was good at spying, at moving in the shadows unseen and silently perching in the best and most secretive vantage points that would keep all traces of his presence out of range, from his movement to any possible sound or scent; years of training with Batman helped but if he was really honest these skills had been perfected in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban.

Ra’s was headed to the library again but bumped into Talia. They stopped, Dick couldn’t hear from his hideout but they spoke, he managed to read enough of Talia’s lips to understand that she was asking for more time on something and Ra’s wasn’t balking.

They moved into the library and Dick considered sneaking in but remembered the last time when Talia had caught him spying. He thought about leaving instead, of going back to kitchen for more ice and returning to kids to forget about this whole thing, he was still trying to decide when he heard the alphas’ voices rising on the other side of the door.

Ra’s was yelling at Talia, he said something about patience and about liabilities, his tone was furious as he gave muffled orders and then everything went quiet again.

Talia exited the library not long after, speaking a soft agreement before shutting the door and disappearing down the hall. When it became clear that nothing else was going to happen Dick moved quietly and got away as fast as he could.

He made it to the kitchen and back up to the room without a hitch.

Damian hadn’t wanted to talk about the little sprain to his wrist, that night he had just wanted to curl up to Dick and nurse in silence but a day later the bruises had taken on a very distinct shape that told Dick all he needed to know so he kept his thoughts to himself and the let boy settle in his lap looking worn out and sad while Dick iced his tiny little arm.

Cosmo sat nearby deeply immersed in some book and chewing on the collar of his shirt, Fatima was on the floor nearby praying as she did like clockwork five times a day, and Jason was standing by the window staring at stars peeking between the fading clouds and rubbing the robin plushie is a self-soothing gesture.

Dick was busy rubbing Damian’s back when Talia walked in, she closed the door and left her guards outside, then tossed a half-full backpack onto the bed.

“Pack his things.” She cocked her head towards Jason but directed the order at Dick.

“What? Why?” Dick placed Damian on the bed and scrambled to his feet, confusion drawing a frown on his face.

“Because it is time.” Talia answered without really answering and that was just plain annoying.

“For what?”

“To fix him.”

Dick’s frown deepened and he crossed his arms, he noticed Jason moving closer with a faraway expression. “What in the world is this about Talia?”

“Father will be using the Pit tonight.” Since Dick wasn’t moving, she motioned at Fatima to get what little Jason owned in the bag.

“What does that have to do with Jason?” Dick knew the answer but he didn’t want to accept it.

Talia gave him a sharp knowing look. “He will be using it too.”

“No. No way, Talia!” He argued and, without even thinking, placed himself between the two alphas. “Jason is alive, that thing will kill him.”

“It might restore him.” She countered, voice sharp enough that the twins started to retreat hastily and hide behind Jason.

“And drive him mad!” Dick couldn’t allow it, he couldn’t bear to see Jason turn into something like Talia. Not to mention, even if (and that was a big IF) he was healed, whatever Joker had done would still be there, what if that had side-effects? What if the trauma messed him up?

“Better than being this shell.” Talia countered, waving at Jason who Dick was trying so hard to shield.

“I won’t let you make him suffer like that.” Everything Dick had learned about the Pit came back to him with blindingly clarity, he couldn’t let her drop Jason into that poison, not when there were other options.

“I am helping, Richard. At your pace he will never recover completely and Father will dispose of him for being useless, this is the only way.” Just like that Talia and Ra’s arguing came to mind.

“You planned this.” It was a shot in the dark but Dick felt like things were starting to fall into place. “You planned this from the start.”

“Does that surprise you?” Talia cocked her head with a faint mirthless smile.

“What’s the bag for, Talia?” Dick started to growl as the fully packed backpack was placed politely next to the alpha.

“He will have to be removed quickly after it is done. At least for the time being.”

“Because Ra’s will try to kill him.” Dick reached out to pull Jason closer and kept growling low in his throat. “Your father doesn’t know your plan, does he? You don’t have access to any Pit, you need to go through him, so you let me take care of Jason as an excuse to keep him while you waited until Ra’s was weak and in need of the Pit. Now you’re taking advantage of the situation.”

“Very perceptive of you.” Talia was impressed, her smile widened a little more.

“That’s why you’ve sticking around so much, that’s why the sicker Ra’s got the more pleased you were.” He accused, narrowing his eyes as a thought occurred him. “Is he even really sick or did you speed that up too, Talia?”

“Choose your next words carefully, Richard. Such accusations could get you killed.” The smile vanished and Talia took a threatening step forward with a hand on her scimitar.

“What else is new?” He scoffed. Talia was running out of patience and tried to walk past him to get to Jason but Dick shoved her away. “Don’t you dare touch him.”

“Out of the way, Richard.” She was cool and collected but menacing. “This is happening whether you like it or not.”

“No! I won’t let you. He’s getting better, I won’t let you risk his life and his sanity for your sadistic plans.” Dick was aware that he was shouting in Talia’s face but didn’t give a crap. “Ra’s is right Talia, nothing you do with us will make Bruce love you!”

Just like that the tension snapped like an overstretched bowstring.

Talia moved so fast she was a blur but Dick was no slouch either, he parried her vicious blow and tackled her to the ground before she could draw her sword, he almost had her pinned when he felt a cold ball of terror in his chest and panic began to bubble through his veins. It was like fear toxin without the hallucinations and might have crippled him any other time but Talia’s pull on his emotions had become predictable, the most it did was wind him enough that she could kick his ribs and push him off.

Dick managed to skid into a crouch instead of falling, ignoring all the aches slowly making themselves known. Talia rose elegantly to her feet and pushed back her disheveled hair.

“You never learn. I do not have time for games.” She growled and then commanded with all the force her husky alpha voice could conjure- “ _Stand down_.”

“I. Will. Not!” Dick stood in front of Jason again and spoke each word between harsh breaths, baring his teeth and clenching his fists.

For all his bravado he found that he could barely move, having to physically fight his own body, the urge to submit was pulling him down like quicksand but the ball of fear in his chest morphed into pure rage out of sheer willpower.

“Come, Jason.” Talia ordered with an outstretched hand towards the teen.

Jason didn’t react to her offered hand, the scent rolling off of him screamed confusion but there was something deeply upset in there for sure.

Talia lost her patience and grabbed him by his collar in an attempt to pull him along but Dick got in the way again until they were locked in weird three-way struggled with one of Talia’s hands fisted in Jason’s clothes while other was trapped in Dick’s grip as he shoved himself between her and the teen.

There was so much growling and tension and angry pheromones in the air that it alerted the guards, they spilled in and Talia didn’t even have to say a word because moments later they were all over Dick and Jason.

The teen reacted out of muscle memory as usual and fought the guards with brutal accuracy before Talia told them to let him go, she then grabbed him herself and began hauling him away while Dick was still busy trying to disable the guards attacking him. It was hard to fight with Talia’s command still choking him like a tight leash and the twins taking up half his attention not two yards away, in the time it took to pin down two guards Talia was already leaving.

“I will tell Ra’s!” Dick shouted as a desperate last resort even as he broke out of a chokehold. “If you try to do this to Jason I will tell Ra’s everything, every single one of your lies, I will stop you even if it kills me.”

Talia froze at the threshold and slowly turned to face Dick, her eyes flashing a poisonous green and the scent of the Pit suddenly curdling her essence and spilling out like a tidal wave.

Dick knew he was in trouble the moment he saw those eyes but nothing could have prepared him for the sudden grip he felt inside him, a black hole of emotion he had no name for practically gutted him with its intensity and brought him to his knees as Talia approached. It should have disabled him completely but something that wasn’t supposed to be there, some fuzzy thing dormant in the back of his brain, clicked on like a bulb and he lashed out blindly.

When Dick finally came back to himself, two more guards were bleeding and very still on the ground and Talia herself had him pinned face-down with his arms behind his back and her scimitar abandoned a few feet away, he couldn’t see her but he could smell her blood in the air too (how he could tell it was hers eluded him but he just knew she was bleeding).

Dick couldn’t catch his breath past the black hole in his chest but the dazed confusion was so much worse, he couldn’t remember how he ended up in that position at all. Talia felt this shift in him and her snarling warped into a cold silence. Moments later he felt her knee dig harder into his back as she shifted.

 **“Gather around, children. This is a teachable moment.”** The alpha called sharply.

Dick heard the guards shuffle back, he also heard the hesitant patter of little feet and then twins entered his line of sight. Damian approached because he knew now not to disobey Talia’s orders but he was shaking with big round eyes focused on Dick, Cosmo clung to his brother with his face mostly hidden.

From the corner of his eye he saw that Talia had a cut on her brow and blood still dripping from her nose. Despite the situation it flared a small spark of satisfaction in him.

“Talia, leave them out of…!” Dick was silenced when Talia trapped his arms more securely so she’d have one free hand that she wrapped around his throat and pulled him up, his back arched as her fingers dug into his skin, framing his trachea with well-trained ease and cut off his air supply.

“My little loves, you are Al Ghul and the Al Ghul are leaders and saviors of this world.” Talia spoke with her usual confidant voice, there was even a gentle note of affection in there as she choked the life out of him. “We do not answer to anyone, we take what we want, we conquer, we have no mercy for fools.”

Dick gasped for any shred of breath but tried not to show his distress in front of the boys, Talia just pulled his head back further, jostling him as she stared at the children and continued her stupid monologue.

“This here is a fool. Slaves and servants are only useful as long as they obey, you must not allow anyone to defy you.”

“Mama…” Damian started to plead, voice tiny and scared, but Talia downed it out.

“How should you act when someone defies you?” The alpha demanded, causing both twins to flinch at her tone, Dick kept trying to break her hold or buck her off him but he was seeing spots already. When neither kid replied, Talia snapped at them. “I asked a question!”

“I… I dunno….” Damian whimpered.

Talia let go of his throat and for one blissful second Dick sucked in a breath before he felt the pressure in his pinned arms shifting and his brain registered what was about to happen just a second too late.

“You punish them, Damian.” As she spoke Talia pulled at his arms hard enough that anyone less flexible would have ended up with a dislocated shoulder or two, then she twisted two of his fingers and Dick heard his own bones snap like twigs.

It was so sudden that he couldn’t stop himself from screaming with what little breath was in his lungs and was almost grateful when Talia shoved his head into the rug and it muffled his cries. Meanwhile, Talia held out the hand that wasn’t pining him for a guard to place her sword in.

“Baba!” Damian stumbled to him in a rush, heedless of Talia’s presence. Cosmo remained frozen a few feet away.

“If necessary, to avoid further disrespect…” Talia continued, pulling Dick back up by his arms and pressing her scimitar not to his throat but right up against his face. “You kill them.”

“Talia!” Dick managed something between a plea and a growl in a blind panic as the only thing he truly feared unfolded around him. He couldn’t care less about the pain or the blade, just the kids’ eyes on him. “Not in front of them… Please… Please don’t make them see that…”

“Let go! Please, mama…” Damian pleaded too, eyes watery as he ignored the sword and clung to Dick’s shirt, looking up at the alpha.

“Please…” Cosmo squeaked too, still frozen in place like a deer in the headlights.

“Do you hear them begging, Richard?” Talia tugged on his arms hard enough that he was forced to arch back inhumanly, her knee digging harder into his spine as she spoke next to his ear, acting all dramatic and making him hope she’d just choke. “They do not even understand death yet, just pain. But still they beg for you.”

“Mama, stop!” Damian screeched a little, trying to push at Talia’s arm. “Please!”

“You would give that up for Jason? For the boy that took your place, an empty shell that cannot reciprocate any of your loyalty?” Talia asked, voice cold and mocking. She shoved Damian away none to gently.

For the first time since the scuffle started, Dick glanced around and noticed that Jason was being restrained at the door by two guards, he appeared to be pulling against their hold and pushing hard in Dick and Talia’s direction.

“That’s not… He’s not like that!” Dick ground the words through his teeth, trying to focus past all the adrenaline and dread flooding his system.

“Either way, would you abandon them for him? Would you die for him?”

The sharp edge of the sword dug hard enough into his cheek that he could feel blood dripping down it, Dick hissed and bit his tongue in an effort to keep quiet and resist the urge to just headbutt the dramatic bitch with his son in such close range.

“…Please don’t do this, Talia.” Dick didn’t want to give up, he wasn’t going to throw Jason under the bus but no way in hell could he chose anyone over the twins, not just because they were his but because they were helpless and innocent.

“That is what I thought.” Talia chuckled and squeezed down of his broken fingers just to watch him hiss and jolt.

“Let baba go!” Damian wasn’t begging anymore, he was demanding- screaming and tackling Talia like a tiny angry gremlin. “Let him go!”

“Good, Damian!” Talia laughed joyfully, she tossed away the sword to pull the boy close to her in an embrace, planting a bloody kiss to his cheek. “Take what you want, do not ever beg for it.”

Damian squirmed and the alpha let him go, she then stood up and let Dick go as well only to grab the back of his shirt and pull him up to his knees before he could do so himself. His arms ached as the tension disappeared, his broken fingers throbbed, the cut on his cheek stung like a dozen wasps and the bond with Talia felt tight and constricting around him.

He should have been paying less attention to the pain and more to the lethal woman next to him.

Talia struck, it’s wasn’t abrupt or even violent and maybe that’s why Dick didn’t see it coming, she just jabbed a spot in his forehead with two fingers with just enough pressure that Dick felt his whole body suddenly slump to the ground completely paralyzed. He knew that trick, Bruce could do that nerve strike but he never used it and always refused to teach anyone because just one tiny mistake, just an ounce too much pressure, and it could kill a person instantly.

“My son wants you to live, Richard, and live you shall.” Talia gripped his hair just hard enough to hold his motionless body up and her voice dropped into a whisper, murmuring in his ear soft enough that nobody else could hear. “If you ever threaten me again, I will have them watch while I feed you your own tongue.”

She finally let go and Dick fell like a sack of bricks, from the floor he watched her check the time and then walk up to Jason and the guards.

“Let us go, Jason.” Talia pat the teen’s shoulder and then looked at a large guard and pointed at Dick’s crumpled form. **“Take that one to the quiet room. He won’t cause any trouble in there.”**

Dick felt himself being lifted up and hauled over the guard’s shoulder, he could feel every ache and every rustle of clothing but when he tried to fight his body just didn’t listen, he couldn’t even blink, it felt like he was trapped inside himself and unable to get out.

 **“No!”** Damian shrieked furiously, torn between watching Jason being dragged down one side of the corridor, and Dick being carried the opposite way. He settled with Dick and ran after him, punching and kicking the guard that didn’t even slow down. **“Give him back! Give him back! No!”**

 **“No! No!”** Cosmo joined it, echoing his brother and trying to reach for his father.

Dick wanted to tell them he was alright, he wanted to promise that everything would work out and that they should stay with Fatima until he got back from…wherever they were taking him. He wanted them to be safe and stay out of whatever Talia’s plan resulted in but he couldn’t, even his vocal chords were stunned. He never felt so useless in his life.

He was carried away with the twins running after him and trying to reach up to him only for Fatima to appear in his line of sight and carefully pull the boys back to safety, coaching them towards Dick’s room (probably because theirs still had bodies sprawled on the ground). She carried both children and murmured soothing promises as they struggled and called for Dick, already crying, while he was too helpless to reply.

And then there was Jason. Dick managed to look at him just as he and Talia were turning the corner, the teen wasn’t going very quietly and he was staring intently at Dick the whole time they pulled him along, he had the slightest pinch to his brow and, surprisingly, in that moment Dick saw something in Jason he hadn’t seen since the alpha had arrived- his lips were moving.

From that far away Dick couldn’t tell if Jason was making any sound at all but for a split second just before they disappeared from view completely he could read those lips and while it could very well be his mind playing tricks on him he thought Jason had said ‘ _Dick’_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What will happen next? What is this quiet room? What will happen to Jason?
> 
> If you want to show support or help out in anyway, feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to send prompts for this universe and I might be inspired to write little one-shots outside the main plotline (any point in time, any genre, SFW or NSFW, go nuts).
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> Comments will be gobbled up like candy and processed into new chapters.  
> You know it's your comments that keep me going and inspire me to write faster.


	25. The Quiet Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is in a very dark place. In more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took a while to update because I've been working on the "BatFamily ABO Week", my entries for that are all part of the same story (also brudick) and it was a nice fluffy/smutty reprieve (and I'll probably write more for that universe), I also posted a one-shot for this fic called "The Five Times People Caught Dick Grayson Sleeping..." which is also rather fluffy and sweet, it's a view of several years into the future from different PoV's just to show that there's a silver lining to all this whump.
> 
> But now I'm back on my dark angsty bullshit. 
> 
> And if there are typos it's because I've been writing for 15 hours straight and I'm sleep-deprived to all hell (and probably shouldn't be posting this yet but screw it).
> 
> Beware, this chapter is heavy. It's all about (psychological) torture.

The quiet room, as Dick discovered, was a cell in the underground.

Dick had been in a lot of locked rooms in his lifetime but never one quite like this. He wasn’t an idiot though, he knew a sensory deprivation chamber when he saw one.

It was small, too short too stand up in and not wide enough to stretch out completely, it had no windows and it was also padded in an almost spongy insulating material that kept all sound in and seemed to absorb smells until the space became scentless, not even the aroma of stale air or dust survived.

It was also pitch black, so dark that Dick couldn’t even see the shadows of his own limbs, the blackness was so intense that it warped with static around the edges of his sight and hurt his eyes.

Dick was locked inside while still paralyzed and a few minutes later the white noise kicked in- some sort of air recycling machinery that hummed very annoyingly.

He tried really hard to move, needed desperately to just get out and figure out what was happening with Jason, but his body wouldn’t listen, he couldn’t even blink and that part became horribly uncomfortable very fast. All he could do was think and rationalize, plan some sort of escape and what to do about Talia.

There weren’t many options and when he came to the conclusion that he was stuck for the time being, he started to circle around other thoughts and ideas, his mind conjured up all the worse case scenarios that could be happening with Jason.

Was the alpha in the Pit yet? Was dead? Was he alive? Had he been cured? Had he gone mad? Had Ra’s’ presence in the Pit corrupted him? Had Talia gotten him out? Had Ra’s killed him? Were some nameless ninjas currently burying Jason’s corpse in the jungle? Or maybe they just tied some rocks to his body and tossed him in the ocean?

Or maybe Jason was back and feral and killing everyone in his wake. Would that be good or bad at this point? Dick wasn’t actually sure. What if Jason was able to kill Talia or Ra’s? Would Dick really hate that at this point? Would Jason rampage and hurt innocents like the twins? Would he find Dick? That was unlikely, but what if he killed the only people that knew where Dick was and he was left there alone?

Or worse, what if Talia ran away with Jason and the twins and left Dick there to rot _on purpose_?

It wasn’t long before he realized he couldn’t plan anything, it wasn’t long before he realized his ideas kept spiraling and repeating and that he was losing track of every train of thought. Thinking was becoming very hard, the buzz of white noise seemed to cut right through any thought process.

Jesus fucking Christ, he needed to move! Needed to do something, anything, other than fail to think. Being trapped in his own body was driving him so crazy that he could hear his own heartbeat racing and feel his breathing so acutely that each expansion of his lungs felt like a full-on body slam.

The helplessness burned in his veins and he couldn’t even scream about it.

He tried not think about his body, about the way his mind felt like a living moving thing locked up in stony hollow shell that he had zero control over. Holy crap, was that how Jason felt? Had that been his life ever since he came back from the dead?

Dick needed to get as far away from that logic as quickly as possible but the only distraction he had was the pain…

His broken fingers throbbed, he was so aware of them that they felt like giant swollen sausages, his shoulders ached like rust had settled into the joints, there was a giant bruise on his back from Talia’s knee that felt like a plate-sized leech sucking at his blood and throbbing, the cut on face stung like a bunch of wasps nesting under his skin, his throat felt like a sandpapery noose was still there threatening to choke the life out of him.

And he was grateful for it all.

Beautiful blessed pain that allowed to feel something, anything, in that hell hole. When his thoughts started failing him, at least he had that to focus on.

Dick never wanted to be paralyzed again. Ever. He’d rather die.

And then his fingers began to twitch, just slightly, not even a conscious thing. And his eyelids finally fluttered, his eyes had started to feel like balls of sand so that was an immediate relief, though the darkness was so intense that at that point he didn’t know if his eyes were open or closed anymore.

He was pretty sure he passed out at some point, either that he had lost time because he suddenly came to with jarring understanding that he had some semblance of movement again. It wasn’t much, but if he focused really hard and put all his strength into it he could just barely shift his limbs.

It felt like hours coaching each bone and muscle back into awareness before he could control his body, it was almost as taxing as when the twins were born. Almost. It was nowhere near as emotionally draining.

When he could finally move again, albeit jerkily, Dick blindly set his broken fingers properly and ripped into his shirt for a piece of cloth to tie them in place. Then he tried to move and sit up only to discover that the room was designed to keep him permanently uncomfortable, yes he was flexible enough that he could bend inhumanely and fit in tight spaces but that didn’t mean it was comfortable in the long run.

He couldn’t even move enough to release any pent up energy, couldn’t hear over his own breathing and heartbeat, couldn’t see his own hand in front of his face, could barely smell his own skin.

Dick tried to kick the cell door in but he couldn’t even find it, tried think of some sort of plan but got as far as wondering if anyone would care about food or water before he started to loose focus again under the damn white noise. Damn it, why couldn’t he think?

A long time passed, it was impossible to know how long, until he tried to sleep it out. He was stressed and worried about Jason and the twins but the feeling of uselessness in there was not helping in any way so he figured if he could just sleep for a while maybe he’d be able to think clearly again when he woke up.

Sleeping didn’t help, when he awoke again he was so disoriented by the dark that he started pressing his hands to his closed eyes just to see little sparks and bursts of color behind his lids, just for that insignificant amount of stimulation.

Dick had thought that the boredom Talia had put him through in the past was horrible but this was an entire new level of horror, he had no name for this new thing, the word ‘boredom’ just felt so quaint and harmless compared to the devouring immensity of the black hole he was in.

At some point (Dick had no idea how long it had been) the screaming started.

He didn’t even make a conscious decision to scream, it just ripped out of his throat all on its own. The noise so devastatingly loud that it felt physical around him, but it was something, it was _sound_ , it was stimulation of some sort.

At first the screams were of frustration, then they turned into words- mostly angry cries for anyone to come and desperate pleas for any sort of attention. And then he was just screaming for the sake of screaming, for the noise.

Water came, eventually. Nobody opened the cell or came to see him, liquid just seeped from the walls and settled, waiting for him to become desperate enough to suck it from his surroundings and lap it from the spongy walls. It drenched his clothes and skin, leaving him not cold enough to get sick but cold enough to be permanently uncomfortable and aware of it.

The water kept him alive but it tasted and smelled like nothing and that in itself flipped all the wrong switches in his head.

The screaming started to hurt, so it turned into whispers and loud ramblings to himself, Dick didn’t even notice he was starting to voice his every thought rather than think it because the lack of sensory stimulation was so bad that he couldn’t tell what was in his head and what wasn’t anymore.

He figured if someone wanted to interrogate him that would have been an excellent time, he probably would have spilled his every secret without even realizing he had done so.

That realization triggered a deeply ingrained paranoia that Bruce had instilled in him, made him start to curb his own thoughts, made him ramble about things that made no sense or think everything in code and mismatched languages because _what if people were actually listening_? What if this was what they wanted? He knew too much and while he was happy to surrender his own secrets for a glimpse of sunlight, he had to protect other people’s secrets- the twins, the Titans, _Bruce_.

Nonetheless, the screaming kept coming when he least expected it and when his throat felt like it had ripped itself to shreds and no more sound came out, not even whispers, he had to resort to anything else that might distract him, focus him.

Scratching at every surface of his skin only went so far, thrashing in his tight confines in a frantic search of relief for his cramping limbs was deeply frustrating, banging his head against the spongy moist walls did nothing more that make him feel like a lunatic.

Actually, maybe lunatic was an apt descriptor.

Dick wasn’t exactly sure when the hallucinations started, the concept of time had eroded so badly that it could have been minutes before or it could have been days, it was hard to tell anything beyond the ‘now’. Either way, the hallucinations came.

At first it was just noise, he thought he heard applause, soft and polite like back in the circus when an act had just entered the ring. Then the applause grew louder and more discordant, like when one of them swung from the trapeze and executed a particularly impressive triple rotation mid-air and the crowd erupted into thunderous applause and whistles and shouts.

Then the voices.

He didn’t recognize any specific voice at first, just heard people talking and wasn’t even sure what they were talking about, though his paranoia told him they were staring at him.

Dick tried to sleep through it. Tried to just stay asleep for as long as he could to forget the pain and the voices and the dark and the sheer boredom of isolation. It kept him just _barely_ holding on enough not to bite his own tongue off.

And then the voices became horribly worse because he started to hear Bruce.

Bruce talking to him like he was Robin again.

Sometimes he heard Batman yelling at him over something dangerous, not admonishing but warning, sometimes it wasn’t yelling but encouragement- the dark reminding him that he was hallucinating, that this was torture, that he was trained to resist, that he could survive this, that he needed to fight.

Batman made him feel strong enough to remember that everything was temporary, that eventually he was going to get out of there or die but either way it would be over and that was a good thing. Batman encouraged him to stay just a little bit sane.

Other times it wasn’t Batman at all, it was plain old Bruce- awkward, controlled, gentle and compassionate enough that it made Dick’s heart ache. Bruce’s voice repeating nothing he hadn’t heard before but that felt so genuine, so real, tugged at all the sharp broken things inside him so well, that he ended up curled into a ball and crying like a child until his eyes hurt and his tears ran dry.

He missed him, Dick missed so Bruce so bad, he thought his heart couldn’t break any further but it did every time he heard that voice.

He just wanted Batman to come save him, like that time he and Babs had been trapped inside a tight steel safe- wanted to see the door crack open with a slice of blinding light, wanted that huge imposing shadow of the Bat falling over him, wanted to feel those cool stiff gauntlets wrapping around his limbs and pulling him out, wanted the scent of his mate filling his head until he could breathe nothing else, wanted that growled voice asking if he was alright.

Well, he got the voice at least, the hallucination was a balm to his shattered heart but it was a ghost of what he truly needed.

He started talking to Bruce. From time to time he’d hear other voices and a whole lot of circus music, but he’d tell them shut up, even when he heard his mother singing, he’d tell them all to leave him alone so he could just talk to Bruce.

Dick found himself telling Bruce all the things he never ever wanted to say, all the secrets he’d never want Bruce to know, but he also found himself saying all the things he never could but desperately _did_ want to say. Some things were harmless, silly even, but he kept digging deeper and deeper until all his fears spilled out. If there was no consequence to talking then he wanted to let it all out, wanted to let this voice, this Bruce, comfort him, wanted to fill in the silence.

“Do you remember that time when I was fourteen and I came home from the Titans smelling like beer? Told you some violent protesters at that rally threw bottles at us? I lied. There was a rally and violence but the beer? Roy dared me and Wally to drink with him, I hated it but I hated lying to you even more.”

“I didn’t break that chandelier in the foyer doing swings because I was bored. I broke it because you came home with Silver that night and took her to your room, I got frustrated and didn’t bother being careful. I felt good when it broke, felt great when the crash interrupted your evening and she went home. Didn’t even care that you grounded me or that Alfred had me cleaning up crystal for hours.”

“I miss Alfred. I totally underestimated how hard it must have been for him to raise us and then see us get hurt so often, I never understood what he must have felt, as a parent figure, watching us don those costumes and rush into danger every single night. He was so supportive, maybe even _too_ enabling, and I totally get it now because of the twins, if I was in his shoes I don’t know if I could what he did. I miss his hugs.”

“You know, I didn’t loose my virginity at sixteen with Kory like I led you to believe. I was way younger than that and it was Wally, we were both so scared of you and Barry finding out that faked a fight to throw everyone off, which was stupid because nobody suspected anything in the first place.”

“I think I owe Kory an apology. Do you know why we broke up? I still love her in some way, just like I still love Babs, I even still feel something for Wally and Roy and Joey. But the thing is, they all knew my heart belonged to someone else right from the start but Kory was the only one that understood that the best and didn’t try to pull away, she was the only one that didn’t break up with me.

In the end I was the one that left her because I couldn’t accept parts of her culture, didn’t want to share her, and I couldn’t understand why she’d sacrifice her happiness for her a family that used and abused her and I told her that it was either me or them. Ah! I’m such a goddamn hypocrite! I hope she finds someone that can really make her happy, I hope I didn’t fuck that up too.”

“I remember the first time I saw you in the cape. I didn’t want it to my first real memory of Batman, I wanted the first one to be the first time I actually saw you in action because I was so awed that day, I wanted to be you. But the real first time I saw Batman was when I was trying to break out of juvie, you caught me and told me to stay put, told me I’d get out legally very soon. I didn’t believe you, I was so mad.

Social services didn’t let Haly keep me after my parents died, the foster parents said they didn’t want a thieving gypsy, the orphanage was so overcrowded they used any excuse to get rid me, I only got into those fights because the bullies came after me first. And then juvie, like I was some sort of criminal. I was mad at everything and you made me a promise that all the social workers already had, it felt hollow.

But you didn’t turn me in, you gave me the choice to go back on my own and two days later Bruce Wayne was taking me home. I never apologized for not believing your promise.”

“Do you remember the first time I kissed you? You pushed me away, told me it was inappropriate and fired me ‘for my own safety’ and then fed me some bullshit about how I was too good to be a sidekick anymore and needed to make my own name. I was so pissed off for so long, so hurt, but you know what? You were right, you did me a favor. I was way too young, maybe I still am.”

“I’m glad you fired me, I’m glad I became Nightwing. I was hurt back then but the thing is, I used to be famous by my own merit, Bruce, even as a circus child I already had a reputation. Living in your orbit, being your sidekick… I loved it because we were doing good, it was fun, I loved it because I loved _you_. But I needed more, leading the Titans taught me that I was too independent to stay in your shadow, Nightwing was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. You understood that before I did, you understood _me_. I should thank you.”

“Do you remember when I ran off to train with Deathstroke? Everybody assumed I did it to protect the team, to keep him from going after them, but that’s not true. I did it over some weird sense of guilt over Grant and because Slade promised he’d make me stronger. Then I came back and I was alive and I had new skills but I didn’t talk about it, I let everyone believe whatever they wanted about those months…

I’m surprised nobody figured it out when Tara revealed the kind of relationship Slade had with her, I’m shocked nobody realized what he liked when Joey came to our side so quickly. He hurt me. He used me to get his rocks off. I keep worrying that he’ll do it again to some other kid but I was never strong enough to stop him, and I’m too much of a coward to think about it, I don’t like remembering what happened so I pretend I was the only one.”

“I still think about Catalina sometimes. It makes me laugh now after what Talia put me through. At least with Catalina it gave me the guts to go to you, with Talia I’ve lost any chance of ever going back to you. There must be a joke in there somewhere.”

“Talia claimed me… I’m… I’m claimed. Fuck, I still can’t say that out loud without… Why couldn’t you have claimed me first? She… I could live with the… With how she… With how I let… The sex, I could live with the sex. But not the bite. The claim… It kills me a little bit every time she reminds me of it.

After she bit me that first time I tried to resist, tried to stay away from her during the other heats but…the whole chemical addiction to her sounds like such a fucking excuse but it’s… I’m afraid of the day she decides she’s had enough of me… The withdrawal scares me… I keep going back to her. Does… Does that make me weak?”

“You know something? I always liked sex. Even after Slade, even after Catalina, I liked it, it wasn’t complicated. Now though? It doesn’t feel good anymore, if feels terrifying and makes me feel weak. Talia… She made it into something I’m ashamed to enjoy, it’s not even a fight anymore, it’s something to endure… It’s so hollow. I don’t know if it will ever feel good again.”

“I… I know this is going to sound messed up but I made friends here, Bruce. They are loyal to Talia and the League, yeah, but aren’t bad people? They care about me, they’ve been by my side through so much, they take care of us and I… I can’t hate them. I need them. Is ok to like them? Is it ok to lean on them? Can you forgive me for needing them?”

“I stopped trying to run away. There’s so many reasons- Talia has hostages to keep me in line, she has a claim on me so she’d probably find me before I got far, if she caught me she might hurt the others or make them watch while she kills me, she’s killed someone before because they helped me, and she has me stuck on an island with nowhere to go. So many reasons but none of them matter, I stopped trying to run just because… because I’m tired, Bruce. I’m so tired all the time… What’s the point?”

“I saw Jason. I took care of him, B. He’s not the same anymore and he probably never will be, I couldn’t fix him but he is…he was alive. I’m scared for him, what if he died? What if he didn’t? I should have done more for him but if the Pit heals him then what does that make me? The asshole that was trying to keep him broken? I just didn’t want him to suffer. You have to believe me.”

“We have sons, Bruce. Babies, beautiful little boys that look so much like you that it hurts to look at them sometimes. I love them so much, they’re the only reason I haven’t tried to get myself killed yet. I need to you to see them, I want them to love you, I want _you_ to love _them_ , but I’m afraid I won’t live to see that happen.”

“They’re different, Bruce, our pups are like you in so many ways, I worry people will never understand them, I worry that _I_ don’t really understand them. I’m trying so hard to be good for them, B, to give them what Talia won’t, I just hope it’s enough. I’m afraid Talia will break them, I’m afraid they will have to see me die the way I saw my parents, the way you saw yours. I don’t want that for them.”

“You know what? Our pups were born in freaking Egypt, B. Does that make them literal gypsies? Is it ok for me to laugh at that? It’s not actually funny but I really need a damn laugh.”

“I’m not a hero, Bruce. I tried to be but nowadays I don’t even fight back, I let her… I let her do horrible things, I turn a blind eye because it’s easier for me. And… And lately when I help people, it’s not for them, it’s for me. Right now I’m just a prisoner, a scared kid that has been trying to live through others because I can’t stand my own life. Did I use Jay for that? Am I using the kids for that?”

“I’m so scared for Cosmo, I worry about him all the time. He’s smart and he’s sweet, he’s perfect just the way he is but he’s not as expressive or proud or skilled as Damian, I keep waiting for the day Talia figures out he’s some sort of metahuman and tries to experiment on him, or worse I’m afraid of the day that she gets tired of him, that she decides he’s not worth the trouble and tries to get rid of him. If she does that… I’ll have to kill her, Bruce. I know you’ll hate me but if I have to chose between your love and their lives? I choose them, no question. And I promise you I’d enjoy killing her, even though she probably won’t even stay dead.”

“I know I’ve gone crazy. I’m talking to you and I hear you but I know it’s not real. Or is it? Maybe I’m back in Gotham already and too insane to notice it. Will I end up like one of those nutcases in Arkham? If do I hope you don’t get to see it, I hope I don’t hurt you, I hope you’re not stuck with my damage.”

“Are you still looking for me? I don’t know if I want you to be. I mean, I want you to be, of course, because I want to get the hell out of here, I want to see you again and I want you to see the boys, but I don’t want you to see _me_ , not like this. It’s been so long, B, I’m afraid I’m not the person you loved anymore.”

“I miss you. I miss you so much, B. Every day, I try not to think of you because it hurts so bad to remember what I’m missing but every time I look at the boys, there you are, a little bit of you staring back at me… Do you miss me? Have you moved on with someone else? I wouldn’t blame you…”

“I miss you and... And it’s not fair! We had so little time together as… What are we, Bruce? What _were_ we when we were ripped apart? What did you see when you looked at me? Was it just an experiment to you, a natural evolution of our relationship or did you think we were going to last? I know loved me but did you believe that was enough? Was I your mate or just another boyfriend? Oh god, I don’t know which one is worse… That you lost me as your mate and are suffering over it, or that that I was just another lover to you…”

“God, Bruce, I love you. I love you so much that I almost understand Talia, I almost get how loving you can make a person crazy. She’s tortured me so much for loving you, I should hate you for that, it would be so much easier if I could resent you but I can’t, I’m too selfish to let go.

It’s so unfair. I love you. I love you and… And is it enough? It doesn’t feel like enough. If it was enough I’d be out of here and back in your arms already. I’m stuck here and I might die here and I’ll never get to tell you that I love you again. Is it ok if I never get to say it? Is it ok to just love you quietly? Just for myself?”

“Am I even still alive, Bruce? I feel like I might not be. Is this what a coffin feels like? Is this hell? Am I in hell for… What am I in hell for, Bruce? What did I do? I’ll fix it, just tell me what it was and I’ll fix it! I’ll do anything, please!”

Dick kept unraveling, the more he spoke to Bruce the more he hurt but he didn’t want it to stop, not even when he ended up curled in a ball and crying miserably like a little child. He wanted to hurt, he barely remembered what anything else felt like and hurting was cleansing, it was better than the nothingness, it was _something_. He was almost, almost, thankful for the torture because it let him hear Bruce’s voice again.

He felt himself losing touch with his own thoughts and memories, kept trying to understand what was going on only to forget where he was for long periods of time while the hallucinations consumed him. There were patches of lucidity here and there where he would start screaming to drown out the voices or to demand his freedom again, moments where he’d start hurting himself to make sure that he was still alive.

Eventually, he started seeing things in the dark.

Bats at first, little comforting shadows moving and squeaking like back in the cave. Then the owls came, shrieking birds with white faces, he could feel their wings flapping around him, could feel their talons digging into his skin.

By the time he started seeing sequins, clowns, flying knives and miniature spaceships, he was thoroughly convinced he lost all his marbles. When he started to see green eyes glowing in the dark and started hearing his babies so close and feeling Bruce’s hands against his skin, he just wanted to believe it all.

Sleeping stopped being a short reprieve from the madness and became torture too. He stopped being able to tell when he was asleep or awake, didn’t know if the hallucinations were all just a long dream or if he was wide awake and just insane.

Dick half convinced himself that he was in a coma, that the fact that he always cold and wet was just as much a dream as the owls or the eyes, that his cramping muscles and hunger were because he was unconscious in some hospital somewhere, that the voices were people around him trying to wake him. He tried to reason that this was temporary and he would wake up soon.

That certainty never lasted very long and the cycle of talking with his hallucinations, sobbing, screaming, hurting himself, and passing out from mental exhaustion kept repeating itself over and over and over…

*

Dick had absolutely no clue how long he had been in the quiet room. It could very well have been years or weeks and he wouldn’t have known the difference but at some point he stop believing he’d ever get out.

So when he heard a creak he knew it was just in his head, probably another owl about to pounce, another buried memory trying to claw its way out- because he had a lot of those, his time in that cell showed him that, he had things hidden under the folds of his brain that weren’t supposed to be there, things from when he was little, things with claws and white porcelain faces.

And when the creak turned in a sliver to light so bright he could almost taste it on the back of his tongue, he assumed it was just another hallucination.

But the light grew bigger and brighter, too bright, so bright it physically hurt and he screamed and clutched at his eyes because what else could he do with nowhere else to run?

There was a voice talking to him but the light was so painful and disorienting that he couldn’t make sense of anything else.

Then there were hands, strong big hands grabbing him and pulling and suddenly it was like being born again- spilling out of the cramped wet cell into a wide open space so bright under fluorescent lights that he was blinded, the air was so different and so much of it that he was gasping and swallowing it in lungfuls and then choking because scents that weren’t his own suddenly assaulted him like a punch in the gut. The sudden release of tension from his muscles burned and he shook like a newborn colt and crashed right onto the floor because his legs wouldn’t hold him.

Dick clawed at the hard floor just to make sure it was real, he wanted to open his eyes to check but it hurt so much, he couldn’t see anything with all that light and he couldn’t stop shaking for the life of him, couldn’t think.

A soft weight was suddenly on him, brusquely falling over his shoulders and head, a shadow shielding his eyes and allowing him to crack them open enough to see that someone had put a long heavy cloak on him, the hood protecting his eyes.

What if this wasn’t real? What if it was another dream? Maybe he had unlocked a new level of hallucination altogether.

“I understand that the light hurts but can you hear me?” A strict tenor, also familiar. “This is real, I assure you.”

Dick wasn’t even aware he had been speaking but the person that pulled him out was answering him anyway. Then again, Dick no longer knew the difference between speaking out loud and just thinking, he should probably start coding his thoughts again, or shift to Romanes. Yes, that was smart.

He tried to see who his savior was but everything was blurry, his sight just wasn’t adjusting properly, all he knew was that the person next to him was big and wearing whites and grays with hints of green and black. He knew the scent clinging to the cloak though, his brain wouldn’t let him identify it yet but he knew it.

“I do not understand that dialect. Please do not make me carry you.” An annoyed tongue click when Dick just shivered on the ground and then he felt himself being unceremoniously hoisted up. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm evil. I broke Dick Grayson. I'm not proud of it.  
> What do you think has been happening while Dick has been locked up?
> 
> For those who read this ficverse and saw my "ABO Week" fics, the lovely SmolGyarados made fanart that's a mashup of both universes!  
> [Check it out!](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/615044795288764416/the-lovely-user-smolgyarados-drew-some-fanart-for)
> 
> If you want, grab your torches and pitchforks and [come yell at me on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Feel free to send prompts for this universe (or the "ABO Week" one) and I might be inspired to write little one-shots outside the main plotline (any point in time, any genre, SFW or NSFW, go nuts).
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts.  
> Comments will be gobbled up like candy and processed into new chapters.  
> You know it's your comments that keep me going and inspire me to write faster.


	26. Friendly Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is having a hard time believing he's really out of the cell, it doesn't help that his rescuer is acting so strangely.

Light shifted around him, as did color, while this person carried him away. Dick still shook and mumbled his thoughts in Romanes but he was limp, his body no longer accustomed to being this loose; footsteps and echoes and the stranger’s voice were deafening, louder than any hallucinations could be, the air kept changing and his nose and throat burned from even the softest smells.

“I apologize for not letting you out sooner, we did not know you were in there. Some assumed you had used the chaos to escape but I did not believe you’d leave the children behind.” The man explained calmly as they moved quickly through elevators and corridors and too much light. Dick knew this person, he knew that he knew, his brain was slowly catching up and…

 ** _“I know you… I know you… You’re her brother…”_** The words came out shaky and muttered, more to himself then to the man.

“Either speak in a language I understand or be quiet.” The man retorted with a touch of annoyance.

“Ghost.” Dick’s voice was frail and whispered.

“Yes.” There was a nod that Dick felt rather than saw as they entered a new room. “Can you stand or will you fall if I put you down?”

“I dunno.” He really didn’t, every muscle ached like one big full-body bruise and he felt twitchy.

Nonetheless, Dick was placed carefully on his feet, he wasn’t sure where they were but it was dimmer. Less painful for his eyes, and it smelled so much like White Ghost that Dick suspected it was the guy’s room. His legs didn’t want to take him, he had to lean heavily against the wall to stay upright while the other omega shut the door and moved to close the curtains too so that everything turned darker and more comfortable.

Ghost returned to him and tipped his chin, examining his squinted eyes and face before he glanced down at the rest of Dick’s body and guided him onto a chair. This close up Dick could see the sharp details of his face a lot better and the low light from the single desk lamp was pleasant enough that he was starting to see again. 

“It is going to take some time for the light sensitivity to pass.” The older man stated and then moved to his desk, rummaging a drawer and returning to place something in Dick’s hands. “Eat.”

He looked down, squinting at the wrapper in some confusion. “Chocolate?”

“You have not had real nourishment in some time. Your sugar levels are very low.” As he spoke, Ghost disappeared into an adjoining room for a moment and returned with a towel to replace the cloak for Dick’s damp hair and clothes, it smelled like the man too on top of fabric softener but that was not unpleasant.

Dick mumbled without thinking but didn’t argue, nothing felt real, it was like he was watching everything from very far away and he still believed this was just another dream. He struggled with the wrapper (his hands were still too unsteady) and then bit into the candy bar- the flavor of chocolate and nuts exploded on his tongue, nearly making him choke with its sweetness. He wolfed down the whole thing in seconds.

The sugar helped a little, in a couple of minutes the shakiness had abated a small fraction and the world looked less wobbly and blurry. Dick’s brain started to accept the situation- he was really out of the cell, in White Ghost’s room, but he could still hear static from the air unit of the cell and a high pitched whistling in his ears that had started early into his confinement to the dark and made him doubt everything.

“Is… Is this real?” He had to ask, had to be sure. It was too good to be true.

White Ghost tilted his head, giving Dick a neutral but careful look, he seemed to understand the reason for his doubt. “Yes, Mr. Grayson.”

“I… I…” Dick clung to the towel and looked around him- It suddenly hit him, really hit him on more than just a superficial level, that he was out. Holy shit, he was out!

The shaking picked up all over again as Dick stumbled to his feet, looking around like a trapped animal. What if it wasn’t real? What if it was? He could move. Jesus Christ, he could _move_ again! And he could breathe, he could breathe… Could he breathe? Because his lungs weren’t actually sucking in that much air, in fact his chest felt like it was in a goddamn trash compactor!

But he could see and, and… It was so much! Too much color and sound and smell and not enough air, and, _what if it wasn’t real_?!

Dick stumbled hurriedly to a window, shoved a black curtain aside and hissed as the onslaught of sunshine that blinded him, but that didn’t stop him from clawing at the window, trying desperately to open it only for his trembling fingers to fumble blindly with the latch. He was two seconds from the smashing the damn glass when he felt Ghost’s hand on his shoulder and the man opened the window himself.

Without further ado Dick shoved his head outside and took huge gulps of air, panting harshly and digging his nails into the windowsill. Through slit eyelids he saw the blurry golden hues of sunset filtering through the green of the jungle but so much open space was suddenly daunting and oppressive and made him want to curl into a ball again.

It wasn’t helping, he thought the open air would help but he was getting more and more anxious, hyperventilating so hard that he was starting to see spots, he couldn’t stop shaking and rocking in place with nervous energy until he actually fell to his knees, his thoughts weren’t working at all, and his chest hurt so bad he was sure he was having a heart attack.

Two hands on his shoulders forced him back from the ledge, he could hear Ghost talking but his brain wasn’t processing anything through the lack of oxygen. Those hands shook him once and then one moved to his neck and placed pressure on the back of it, shaking him again like a scruffed pup until his eyes snapped up to the other omega’s face.

“…Grayson… Richard!” The name snapped through the fog in his head, White Ghost was kneeling in front of him, the man had his lips pursed in a worried line. “Slower breaths. Inhale, count to five, exhale.”

The man coached him for several breaths until the spots started to fade from Dick’s vision but his breathing was still fast and labored and he was clawing at his own chest, looking for a wound that wasn’t there, for whatever was causing the pain that pierced his chest all the way through his back.

“Five things you can see.” Ghost ordered out of the blue.

Dick looked at him, confused for a second and rapidly loosing focus again as the pain spread to his gut and threatened to consume him, the air felt thin and prickly too. He moved his hands to Ghost’s arms, clinging tightly for dear life and shaking pitifully.

“Tell me five things you can see. Right now.” White Ghost demanded further, still griping Dick’s neck firmly, grounding him and demanding his attention.

Dick blinked but something familiar clicked in his head- he knew this, Alfred taught him this a long time ago, coping techniques for anxiety. He could do it. He focused on the first thing in front of him.

“Your… Your eyes.” Dick tried to take a deeper hesitant breath, gathering enough air to talk and putting all his attention on those penetrating crimson eyes with soft lines around the edges. “Red. Bits of green faded in. White lashes.”

“That is one. Next.” Ghost maintained eye contact and encouraged him to continue.

“Carpet.” Dick’s eyes dropped down to the Persian rug under his knees. “Dark red. Black swirls. Patches of tan and bits of blue. Tassels on the edges.”

“Go on.” The man encouraged.

“Curtains.” He turned his head just slightly, taking a longer forced breath, focusing what he was seeing made it so that he wasn’t overthinking his breathing as much. “Heavy, black-out, probably because your eyes and skin are sensitive to the sun.”

“What else?”

“Cabinet.” Dick looked at the ornate wooden furniture behind the man and dredged up the memory of his first visit. “Heavy dark wood, hand-carved, I think. You keep a safe in there with the meds, and alcohol even though you’re Arab… So you probably aren’t Muslim.”

White Ghost kept nodding through his little rambles. “One more thing.”

“Book.” Dick’s eyes fell an ancient tome resting on the desk. “No title, faded green cover, gold edges, yellowed old pages, worn out spine.”

“Good. Keep breathing, Richard.” Ghost’s hand moved from his neck to his back, rubbing it slow circles. “Now tell me four things you can touch.”

“Your shirt.” Dick still held on to one of the man’s arms and rubbed the sleeve between his fingers. “Soft cotton, not too warm.”

Dick noticed how long and damaged his nails were against the fabric, and then realized for the first time that his fingers were healed, they still ached and would take time to regain their old strength but the broken bones seemed fixed. Damn, just how long had he been stuck in that limbo?

“Next.” Ghost demanded when it was clear his mind was wandering.

“Curtains.” Dick snapped out of his reverie and grabbed a nearby curtain, fisting a hand into the fabric. “Heavy, a little coarse, bit dusty.”

“You’re doing well. Another one.” The man encouraged.

“My…shirt?” Dick hesitated, he didn’t reach to touch his shirt, he could feel against his torso, hadn’t been aware of it, or anything, until that moment. “Ragged, damp, sticky, kinda gross.”

“One more.”

“Hm…” He looked around for anything he could reach and without thinking his hand lifted and his fingers tangled in the tips of Ghost’s white hair that spilled beneath his collarbone. “Your hair. Long, wavy, pretty soft.”

“Good. Now three things…”

“That I can hear, yes.” Dick nodded, thinking more clearly than he had in a long time, he knew the drill, knew this exercise and finally accepted that he was mid-panic attack and Ghost had known exactly how to help. He chose the first thing that came to mind. “Your voice. Tenor, sharp, surprisingly pleasant.”

“What else?” Ghost’s hand remained on his back but the other tightened a little on his shoulder.

“Your breathing. Paced, steady.” Dick tried to mirror that breathing and searched for something else he could hear that wasn’t static and whistling that may or may not be real. He tipped his head toward the window again. “Wind in the trees, like whispers.”

White Ghost gave his shoulder another reassuring squeeze. “Now two things you can smell.”

“…Me?” Honestly it was the first thing that came to mind and it was not pleasant, his clothes were still damp and he had who knows how many days of sweat accumulated on them, plus there was no bathroom in that cell and the sour smell that clung to his body reminded him of that. “Omega. Sweat, grime, and just…Ugh… Yuck.”

Ghost gave him a sympathetic little wince and nodded. “Something else.”

“You.” Dick tilted his head towards the hand on his shoulder, enough that his nose rubbed on the other omega’s wrist. “Patchouli and dates, but also moisture and green things and dry sand, like an oasis… Almost like _her_ but not as sharp, softer and omega. It’s nice.”

“One thing you can taste.” Ghost finished.

“I…Hm…” Dick looked around then helplessly back at the man, all he could taste was the pasty bitterness of his own mouth, even the traces of chocolate had faded already, and he had no idea what else he was supposed to analyze. “I don’t…”

Ghost seemed to understand Dick’s predicament, the man’s expression softened a fraction and he leaned closer slowly as if not to frighten him.

Before he could grasp what was happening there were warm firm lips slotted against Dick’s.

He went wide eyed and stiff, gasped in surprise but the other omega just used that to slide a tongue past the seal of Dick’s lips and into his mouth, gently tracing the points of his teeth and coaching him to open up.

It was astonishingly sweet. Talia’s kisses were always like bites, she just wanted to dominate, but this? This was something Dick had almost forgotten existed and he found himself focusing on the way this mouth molded so well with his. He hadn’t been kissed like that, like he was actually wanted, in years. Not since Bruce.

Maybe he was touch starved to all hell, maybe he was broken and fucked up beyond recognition, but strangely enough that kiss made him feel like a real living breathing person. It had him relaxing without really thinking, letting out all his breath in a slow exhale as his lips parted on their own accord and his tongue automatically reached out for Ghost’s, sliding together in a tentative dance, tasting each other for a long drawn out moment.

Unlike Dick’s mouth, White Ghost tasted like brandy and citrus, oranges or tangerines maybe, and his kisses, though a bit forceful and demanding, were warm.

After a completely surreal minute, their lips parted casually, almost gently, with the tiniest little wet sound. White Ghost pulled back, looking perfectly composed while Dick stared at him in a shocked daze.

“What…What was that?” Dick gasped, lips still tingling.

“Feel better now?” Ghost enquired.

“I…” He hesitated and considered it- he was still shaking but the surprise had overshadowed the panic and he did, in fact, feel more clear-minded and could breathe again, the pain in his chest was subsiding and he felt steadier. “Yes? Thank you, but...”

“Do not overthink it.” White Ghost pat his back and helped Dick get back up to take a seat on the couch. Whether he was referring to the kiss or literally everything else was unclear.

Ghost turned away to close the window and the curtain while Dick watched him, his thoughts racing so much that he had to bite his tongue much too hard to make sure he wasn’t saying them out loud again.

Why did Ghost kiss him like that? Like he wanted to? Dick knew he was currently filthy and disgusting and was sure he looked pathetic so why? Was it just to shock him out of his panic? What if it wasn’t? And why did it even matter? After everything he’d just gone through, with all the more important things he should be thinking of why was he obsessing about the touch of tangerine and brandy still tingling on his lips?

Everything was starting to feel unreal again, now that the panic and adrenaline had faded a strange numbness was settling in, allowing him to think but making it hard to feel.

There was a polite knock at the door to snap him out of his trance and Ghost moved to answer it, Dick couldn’t see what was going on but when the door closed again, the older omega had a tray in hand and brought it over to the couch. The smell of food made Dick flinch, he’d been hungry so long he’d gotten used to it but now that he was faced with real food he had an irrational fear that it was another cruel torment, that it would be taken away before he could even taste it.

“Eat.” Ghost handed him a bowl of porridge. “You should be able to keep this much down for now.”

Dick nodded, still suspicious, and grabbed the spoon, swallowing a mouthful too fast and nearly choking.

Another two trembling spoonfuls later and he was too tired to keep lifting his arm and had to take a break. White Ghost noticed this, he clicked his tongue in frustration and sat next to Dick, grabbed the bowl and the spoon and started feeding him.

“You don’t have to…” Dick protested weakly.

“I am just expediting the process so this may be over quicker. Eat.” Ghost showed no inkling of emotion and just raised the spoon to his lips again.

Dick gave up and accepted, he was too hungry not to and the numbness made it so he didn’t care about anything else. He tried to focus only on that very moment, just taking things as they came because thinking further was too stressful.

It wasn’t the best thing he had ever eaten, it was something nourishing but light and bland enough that could ease his body back into accepting food- warm watery rice porridge with some sort of deeply bitter supplement in it, not a great taste but after so long without eating Dick would have devoured literally anything and called it gourmet.

Silence dragged on as he ate but it wasn’t _entirely_ unpleasant, or at least it wouldn’t be if he wasn’t still hearing high pitched whistling and a nagging paranoid whisper in his hear, telling him he was being poisoned, saying this wasn’t real. Dick tried to ignore it.

By the time the food was finished and he was given tea Dick felt a little more human, his head was clearer but there were too many thoughts in his head and he couldn’t parse through them to decide what was more important.

Ghost put the tray away and watched him. “Now, you must have questions.”

That snapped Dick right out of his jumbled thoughts and back to reality. What the hell was he thinking? He didn’t have time for panic attacks and unexpected displays of affection! He didn’t have time for food and tea!

“Talia! Where…?” Dick began to ask, growing frantic, but he didn’t have to finish, Ghost predicted the question.

“Tt. Not here.” The man crossed his arms, looking somewhat irritated at the mere mention of the alpha. “Somewhere in Switzerland, I believe. Cleaning up her mess.”

“Jason? Is he alive?” Dick clutched the teacup anxiously, squeezing so hard that if he had his full strength back he would have shattered it.

“The boy? Yes, he survived.” Ghosted nodded but his expression turned somber. “Though not quite as Talia expected, I assume.”

“Where is he?”

“Gone. She made sure to spirit him away before the master could dispose of him.” A split second later White Ghost’s expression shifted from irritation to restrained mirth. “It was quite the display, in fact. Father and daughter yelling at each other in the middle of courtyard like some Shakespearean play, the master half-naked and dripping wet, accusing his tragically rebellious daughter of unleashing a curse on us all. _Very_ overdramatic.”

By the way Ghost talked and bit back a smile it seemed he was amused by the whole situation as if it was his own personal soap opera. Dick probably would have found it funny too if he was the guy’s place but he wasn’t so he couldn’t care less.

“My boys?” Dick dreaded the answer, he desperately hoped Talia hadn’t taken them with her.

“Calm down, they are alright.” Ghost checked his watch. “They will probably be heading to the kitchen for dinner in a few minutes.”

“Oh, thank god.” Just like that the tension leaked out of Dick’s body and he slumped forward, the teacup would have fallen right through his fingers if Ghost didn’t reach for it and set it on the coffee table.

“They miss you.” White Ghost gave Dick a strange look that he couldn’t decipher. “They have been very… Uncooperative without you.”

“What?” The younger omega was confused, he just wanted to see them, he didn’t want to sit back and talk.

“We did not realize how difficult they are to teach and interact with, we were unaware of just how neurodivergent they are.” Ghost explained carefully, once again there was a restrained sort of amusement and curiosity in his tone that Dick couldn’t figure out. “It seems you are far more necessary than anyone was led to believe.”

“If anyone hurt them…” He would have growled if his throat wasn’t so raw.

“Nothing of the sort.” The man shook his head and made a placating gesture. “They have a new caretaker in charge of their education and the nursemaids have been ensuring their wellbeing, it is simply that the children do not seem capable of listening to anyone without you around.”

“I want to see them.” Dick demanded.

“And you will but I would advise a bath first, Mr. Grayson.” Ghost gave him a sympathetic once-over. “Once they are having dinner we can return you to your room so you can make yourself presentable for them.”

Dick nodded, he didn’t want the kids to see him like that anyway but he hadn’t been thinking that far ahead yet. He did, however, give the man a curious look. “What happened to Richard?”

“If you prefer.” Ghost gave the smallest one-shouldered shrug.

“Considering you just got me out of that hell hole, you can call me whatever you want.” Dick sighed but it was a tired and relieved sound, he had some joke about how the guy could call even call him ‘baby’ for all he cared but he kept that one to himself as he leaned back on the couch, trying to focus on the details of the walls and bookshelves in the dim light of the room “How… How long was I…?”

“Trust me when I say you really do not want to know.” White Ghost sounded somber, a little angry even and Dick couldn’t figure out why. “As I said, we were unaware that you were in the quiet room until this afternoon when some of Talia’s men returned.”

“So I was… Nobody…” Dick stuttered and kept losing focus, the whispers were getting irritating, he was sure he had just heard Bruce calling him and telling him to wake up, did that mean this was a dream? He clutched at his own head in confusion. “Ah, shit…”

“Are you alright?” Ghost enquired.

“Not sure, I think I heard… Never mind.” Dick shook his head with a frustrated huff.

The older man watched him for a few seconds and then seemed to get what was happening. “Cover your ears.”

“What?” Dick looked at Ghost, confused.

“Cover your ears. If you can still hear it clearly then you will know it is not real.” White Ghost explained patiently.

Dick did as told and when he squeezed his hands over his ears and the world went muffled, he could indeed hear Bruce’s whispered voice as clear as day along with the ringing in his skull. Not real then, just in his head, something to ignore.

“If you need visual confirmation too…” Ghost got up and dug into a drawer in his desk to retrieve a pair of old scratched up glasses that he handed to Dick. “Here. Same principle, if the image is still clear when you put them on then it is not real.”

“Oh…” Dick accepted the glasses, he wasn’t sure what to make of the man anymore. “Thanks, Ghost.”

“Call me Dusan.” The man requested and gave Dick yet another concerned look. “The hallucinations will fade eventually. Will you be alright around the children like this?”

“Huh? Yes, of course.” He wasn’t really sure about that, he felt unstable and a pin-drop away from losing his mind all over again; he didn’t know if he would believe the kids were even real until he had them in his arms, but there was no way in hell he was going to stay away from them.

“I assume you need more suppressants too?” Even as he spoke Ghost was already reaching into his cabinet to retrieve a pill bottle.

“Probably.” In fact, Dick was surprised he hadn’t gone into heat in the cell without the medication for so long but the malnourishment probably had a hand in that.

“Take them.” Dusan handed him a bottle of suppressants.

Dick frowned, he didn’t understand the sudden kindness, he was used to having to bargain for everything with the Al Ghuls and now this man was… Was taking care of him? It was too odd, maybe this really _was_ another dream. Or maybe Dusan had some ulterior motive that Dick wasn’t seeing.

“Come, I will help you back to your room.” White Ghost placed the hooded cloak back over Dick to shield his eyes and extended a hand to help Dick up.

“Why are you being so kind?” Dick murmured, afraid that by asking he might make Ghost change his mind.

“Why would I not be?” Dusan didn’t seem to comprehend the question as they moved slowly through the corridors and the man supported him while they walked.

“You’re an Al Ghul.” Dick pointed out with no small amount of bitterness.

“Technically I am not allowed to use that name.” Ghost retorted, ruefully.

“Doesn’t answer my question.”

“You are useful, more so if you are healthy.” It sounded like a whole lot of bullshit but then the man gave Dick a soft look with so much vulnerability in his crimson eyes that it was hard to see the Al Ghul in him at all. “We may be assassins but not all of us take pleasure in unnecessary cruelty.”

Dick said nothing to that and focused all his limited energy in climbing stairs and making it back to his room. He started to smell the twins long before they even made it through the door, he knew he had just missed the boys and it made his chest ache all over again with how badly he missed them.

Despite the weird numbness, he almost had another panic attack when he realized the kids had been so close by all that time, probably just yards above him while he rotted in that hole, so close and yet too damn far. It was so fucking unfair! If he had died down there how long would it had taken for anyone to find him? What would have happened to his boys?

He was saved from falling into that spiral by a sudden bone crushing hug, the moment he entered the room Samir was right there almost lifting him from the ground. The man started chattering about how worried sick they had been but then he noticed White Ghost and went quiet and demure immediately, barely lifting his eyes off the ground.

Normally Dick would thrive on the physical contact and the talking but this wasn’t a normal situation, he felt skittish like a cornered animal, drained and paranoid and everything was overwhelming. He went into autopilot and let the numbness set back in more fully, he needed it if he wanted to keep moving and not just collapse into a heap of anxiety and madness.

Someone took care to close all the curtains and turn off unnecessary lights so Dick could see without being blinded. The bath was waiting and he tried to do it on his own but discovered that he couldn’t even pull off his shirt, his muscles still weren’t cooperating and neither were his energy levels, his stomach was also starting to cramp up painfully as his digestive system kickstarted.

Samir had to help him strip and step into the water. He didn’t even care, too numb for pride, and the warmth had his body loosening with a good sort of pain for a change.

It was a good thing that Samir was there because Dick passed out in the tub, when he came to it was to the spray of clean water on his face, droplets drenching the itchy beard he had barely noticed he had grown. Samir had scrubbed him clean and even his hair felt squeaky, but he was starting to shiver as the water lost its heat.

It all happened in a blur and in no time at all Dick was dry and dressed and feeling… Well, he didn’t quite feel like himself or even like a real person yet, but he embraced the numbness and the dissociation and felt that he could start shifting through the paranoia and put on a neutral mask for a little bit, just until he saw his boys and made sure they wouldn’t disappear. His old mantra about dealing with his pain later came back with a vengeance.

Rather than move into his own room he insisted on waiting for the kids in theirs, he needed to soak in their scent, needed to be surrounded by proof of their existence. He was surprised to find White Ghost still there and waiting, the man told Samir to get the twins and then sat with Dick on Cosmo’s bed.

“I’m surprised you’re still here.” Dick looked at man, unsure of what else to say but desperate to chase away the silence. He couldn’t stop bouncing his leg and fidgeting nervously with his clothes just to have something to do.

“You really do think very little of me.” Dusan placed a hand on Dick’s jumpy knee to steady him. “I am just finishing what I started.”

Dick wondered again why the man even cared but a smile crept onto his lips, it wasn’t a happy expression, just a reflex, and that small curve of his lips felt foreign and stiff on his face but it was something familiar and clung to it for normality.

“Do you have a soft spot for me, Casper?” He teased, hoping to sound more sure of himself than he felt. Dick needed a distraction, anything to avoid thinking about the dark cell.

“I understand there is humor in that name but I do not recognize it.” Dusan furrowed his brow a little, almost pouted, it made him look…different, human.

“You never heard of Casper, the friendly ghost? The cartoons? The movies?” Dick was so surprised that he forgot about his pain and anxiety for a second to gawk.

“Should I?” White Ghost tilted his head and gave him a confused innocent look.

“Have you been living under a rock for the last seventy years? Oh boy, you have to… I mean, maybe you should look it up some day.” Dick shifted awkwardly and tried to keep the smile on, despite how it was starting to feel mildly manic.

“Maybe you could show me.” Dusan reasoned, carefully, like he was trying to gauge Dick’s reaction. “Perhaps, you could introduce it to the children as well.”

“I’d like that.” Dick nodded, biting his lip to make sure he kept his thoughts to himself. “Look, about that kiss…” He never got to finish because suddenly there were two shrieking children at the door.

“Baba!” Damian shouted and ran inside with the biggest smile Dick had ever seen.

“Baba! Baba! Baba!” Cosmo repeated, racing right after his brother.

Just like that numbness evaporated and Dick felt his emotions boil over. He forgot everything else in the world.

The kids practically tackled him, Dick caught them in a hug at the last second to prevent them all from falling off the bed. He clung to them so tightly that they squeaked and he buried his face in Damian’s hair to inhale his scent before doing the same to Cosmo.

They were unharmed, warm and solid in his arms, they smelled exactly like he remembered. They were real, they were there, and Dick couldn’t let go even for a second, so afraid that he would wake up and it would all be a dream.

He scented them and kissed their little heads until they started to protest, they were asking questions but he couldn’t answer over the knot in his throat, he dug his hands into their clothes and buried his face in Cosmo’s hair in a desperate effort not to cry.

 ** _“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m never leaving you alone again, I promise. I promise.”_** Dick rambled, pulling them further into his lap, only leaning away from the hug enough to look them over and make sure they were really alright.

Damian had a band-aid on his cheek and a several on his fingers and was pouting about something, probably all the excessive kissing and squishing and the lack of answers, but he too scented Dick and buried his face in his father’s chest, still shooting out a dozen questions a minute.

Cosmo looked fine although he was wearing sleeping clothes instead of a regular outfit because only Dick knew how to convince him to dress in something that weren’t pajamas without a massive fit; he was acting clingy too, wrapped his arms around Dick’s neck and refused to let go.

They were fine, still the same pups he had missed so terribly, and he pulled them back into an even tighter hug, mumbling about how sorry he was and how much he missed them. He only vaguely registered that Dusan had left the room, even more vague was the awareness that Fatima and Samir were watching anxiously from the foot of the bed.

Dick just hoped this was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hereby coin this ship "NightGhost"!  
> I swear it wasn't meant to happen, Dusan was supposed to have one-sided feelings only but the characters took over and stole my control. Don't worry, BruDick is still endgame, but until then... Well.  
> Interesting things will happen, draft has been heavily revised.
> 
> Side note: if you have anxiety problems you might already know the 5,4,3,2,1 technique, if you don't then check it out, it's very useful.
> 
> If you want, you can [come yell at me on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring.  
> Comments will be gobbled up like candy and processed into new chapters.  
> You should know by now it's your comments that keep me going and inspire me to write faster.


	27. Sometimes You Just Need To Punch Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is not recovering very well, he's barely holding up his mask. Luckily, someone can see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The same old **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_** vs English.
> 
> I try to be a little bit disciplined with this story and keep the chapters around 5k words but this one is almost twice the regular size because, once again, the characters ran away from me and did their own thing and I couldn't find a good cut-off point. Plus I'm really tired, ok? So... enjoy the extra long update.
> 
> I should probably add some trigger warnings: depression, PTSD (like that's new) and suicidal thoughts.

Dick had always prided himself on his ability to bounce back from anything.

He’d been trained to endure any torture thrown his way, he’d been injured so much that he learned to ignore pain, and he believed he’d already overcome the worst possible trauma when he watched his parents die, and when he survived people like Deathstroke, Mirage and Tarantula taking advantage of him he thought himself strong. He figured that after all that there was nothing he couldn’t recover from.

And then Talia came and challenged that belief but he’d handled the most traumatic childbirth in existence, and he’d survived her claiming and still managed to feel like himself so he thought nothing could be worse.

He was wrong.

It took exactly six hours after getting out of the quiet room for Dick to realize he was not going to be ok any time soon.

When he tried to sleep that night the first thing he found out was that he couldn’t handle the dark, his eyes were still sensitive but he had to keep the lights on because just the thought of darkness made his brain flatline. And then he tried to actually close his eyes and rest only to get up hour later in the middle of another panic attack. 

It wasn’t just the dark, it was the idea that his freedom might be a dream and that he might open eyes and be back in the cell, it was the nightmares waiting to swoop in the moment he dozed off, it was the ringing in his ears and the voices that popped up whenever things were quiet for more than fifteen minutes. It was the sinking feeling of constant anxiety churning his gut, just waiting for the slightest trigger and never really going away anymore.

After half an hour rolling on the floor of his room, certain that he really was going to die, he finally managed to pull himself out of the attack so the pain started to abate and he slowly began to catch his breath. He was still panting and shaking when he rushed into the children’s room and crawled into bed with the twins, not to sleep but simply because he didn’t want to be alone and didn’t want them out of his sight.

He didn’t intend to wake them up but they did, his scent was an absolute disaster of distress and caused them to start crying, Naima had to join them all in bed and took the time to comfort everyone with soothing words and soft touches until they cuddled into a pile and the twins fell back asleep with Dick just staring up at the ceiling and asking the maid to keep the bedside table light on.

He proceeded to spend the night muttering recaps of his old mission reports with the Titans just because he needed to fill in the silence in his own ears.

Things didn’t get any better after that night.

He couldn’t sleep so he couldn’t stay all that focused during the day either, he only really slept when his body crashed against his will and even that only lasted until the nightmares set in and woke him up again. The smallest things triggered irrational panic responses that he had a very hard time hiding from the boys.

Eating was a challenge too, it took days to adjust back to normal food and a week later his stomach still wasn’t taking it, it cramped viciously after every meal. Getting his strength and physique back wasn’t smooth sailing either, not when he was always exhausted to death.

Coffee and sugar became his new best friends, mostly because he was _just_ sane enough not to hunt down amphetamines in the infirmary. At least for the time being.

Half the time Dick wanted to curl into a ball and never wake up again.

He told himself it wasn’t a death wish, he didn’t want to die, he just wanted to cease existing, wanted the roller-coaster of pain that was his life to just stop once and for all. Really, who could blame him?

Dick often spaced out for long periods of time with this state of mind, feeling like he was existing outside his own body and losing time because after the quiet room time meant diddly squat. He told himself he was just tired, that sooner or later he would be alright again. He didn’t believe it.

The other half of the time Dick was wired like a coked up squirrel on caffeine, unable to stop an sit still and definitely unable to filter his words; it just felt like something awful would happen if he stopped, he needed to keep busy because every fiber of his body was vibrating with anxiety and his fight-or-flight switch wouldn’t turn off. He would laugh during those times but not out of joy, he wasn’t happy, he was just _fast_ and more than a little out of his mind.

The kids noticed that he wasn’t himself but that made them clingy and needy for reassurance and attention which just tired him further. He embraced it because it was a welcome distraction but having to put on his mask and bottle everything up for boys was exhausting, even if the love he got in return softened the jagged edges of his soul.

He hadn’t been able to start training the boys full-time again, there was someone new overseeing their general education and they didn’t believe Dick was in any state to train them, though that didn’t stop Dick from hovering nearby when anyone else did.

Not that Ravi was actually new. The beta had been on the island before Dick, and the nursemaids always answered to them for their schedules and chores and anything the children might need or Dick might request, but Dick had never really interacted with the caretaker, they had met but never exchanged much more than looks until now.

Ravi wasn’t a bad person though, definitely a fanatic in the cult of Ra’s Al Ghul but Dick learned that the beta was fair and cared about how the children felt as much as what they did, they were strict but not unkind. Dick had no idea how someone with such a gentle aura and that carried themself like a Buddhist monk had ended up working for the League of Assassins but at least he had some faith that Ravi wouldn’t hurt the twins, not willingly anyway.

There were tutors now- a couple of language teachers, a math tutor (that Dick found woefully unimpressive), too many martial arts instructors (mostly various League assassins) and, surprisingly, a musician. They all had different hours of the day with the kids.

Dick thought it was overkill, the boys weren’t even three yet, for crying out loud! But both Talia and Ra’s insisted on speeding up their education and the tutors were supposed to keep coming, apparently Mara was doing well and they wanted to twins to catch up to their cousin.

The musician was a surprise to Dick, Ravi said something about Talia wanting her children to master the arts but he couldn’t figure out how that fit into her plans.

The boys weren’t really playing any music yet, just learning how to read the notes and the concept behind different instruments. Still, Cosmo took a liking to the piano and seemed happy around it mashing his little hands into the keys; Damian, on the other hand, had picked the violin as his most tolerable option (and even then he wasn’t happy with the noise) but hated music sheets with a passion and having to stay still with the instrument made him irritable and prone to throwing things at people.

Speaking of throwing, a day after returning Dick found out why Damian had so many bandaids all over his hands- the kids had started learning about weapons, namely how to aim projectiles like throwing stars or knives, and while Cosmo showed no interest in trying, Damian had rushed to learn the same way he did with everything else and the result were too many injuries and the majority weren’t even his own.

Dick still wasn’t sure how long he’d been locked up but he hated that things had changed so drastically already. He understood what Ghost meant now, neither of the boys liked change very much and this had been a lot of it in a short space of time; naturally they were resistant, each in their own specially frustrating way.

Cosmo refused to listen to people, or better yet, he listened just fine and probably took in all the information they gave but he didn’t do anything he was told, he spent most of the time spacing out or focusing on his own mysterious interests and still wouldn’t talk beyond mimicry.

An alpha like Talia had managed to scare Cosmo enough into trying (and struggling) to follow his brother’s lead but nobody else had gotten even that far since she left and physical punishment just made the kid shut down completely for hours on end.

Damian was a goddamn hellraiser. He consumed information like it was air and learned quicker than any kid had any right to, but he needed constant stimulation, constant challenge, and he had the shortest fuse imaginable- if he didn’t like a subject or if he didn’t understand something right away and people tried to correct him he tended to throw fits (and objects). He was also suspicious of everyone and reacted aggressively if people touched him without warning, a lot of the time this led to biting.

When it came to Damian, discipline and physical punishment just led to a sort of defensive defiance and tantrums. Or worse, epic meltdowns that nobody understood or knew how to fix and just got worse the more people tried to force him to stop, because that’s what they did- they forced, they didn’t reason.

Tutors complained, Ravi fretted, the nursemaids weren’t surprised and could sometimes calm the kids with some bribery but didn’t know the whys or how to change things.

Dick though? Dick had no difficulty handling the boys, he saw this as a problem not with the twins but with everyone else for expecting them to act like something they weren’t.

Cosmo wasn’t anti-social out of disrespect or laziness and Damian wasn’t temperamental out of anger or selfishness, they just processed things differently. They were sweet innocent kids whose heads worked on a completely different wavelength as the people around them. They didn’t get that how they acted wasn’t acceptable, it upset them that people couldn’t understand the way they communicated so they did things their own way.

Nobody seemed to understand that the twins weren’t being defiant on purpose, even regular children would be stressed and overwhelmed with these bizarrely high expectations, and yet nobody tried to understand the twins, everybody just tried to perfect them and make them conform to Al Ghul standards. Not Dick though.

Dick knew the best way to get the boys to improve was to try to understand how they were thinking and make things interesting for them in their own terms. He knew that the key to them was patience and enthusiasm and positive reinforcement, all things the League of Assassins and Talia’s squad of tutors lacked to a pathetic level.

Maybe it was just because he was their father and was used to their quirks, but Dick was seriously distraught that he was the only that even _tried_ to understand the boys.

If only he wasn’t so tired and constantly teetering on the edge of a breakdown he might try to do more about it than just watch and shield the kids when anyone got angry at them.

Well, at least the twins being busy meant he was distracted, and he _needed_ to be distracted- anything to keep him from thinking about the quiet room or nightmares, any noise to keep him from hearing the voices.

Dick nearly had an actual heart attack ten days into his return because of a hallucination.

They were in the dojo one afternoon and a frustrated Damian threw a knife at the ninja instructing him when he got tired of missing the target. The short but burly instructor had back-handed the boy for it, which in turn meant he got bitten by an angry Damian who was still adamant at not crying in front of anyone that wasn’t Dick, Cosmo or the nannies.

Dick got up, nowhere near as fast as he wanted, and intervened by punching the man right back because he was too tired and pissed off to consider what the kids might think of the violence, he didn’t care, he just wanted an excuse to hit something (or someone) and it was good to assert his own dominance when it came to protecting the twins.

The guy went down like a sack of potatoes and lost a few teeth, then Dick declared he’d be the one teaching that particularly skillset from then on.

He checked Damian’s swollen cheek and cut the class short, let the kids do gymnastics for fun to use up any pent up energy like he had taught them, while Dick sat on the edges of the dojo mats stewing in his anger and anxiety when he suddenly heard Leslie Thompkins, of all people, loud and clear to his right- _‘I’ve been saying it for years, all you Bats need therapy, Dick.’_

It was the last voice he expected to hear and his heart did a somersault and slammed against his spine before he could cover his ears and start chanting a rambling rendition of _‘nope, nope, nope, not listening, you’re not real, doc’_ that made the injured ninja and his buddy swerve away from him and disappear in record time.

Dick was still chanting to drown out Leslie’s incessant nagging about his mental health when he felt a hand on his shoulder- big, warm, very calloused, similar enough to Bruce’s that his heart nearly stopped altogether and he feared he hallucinations were escalating again.

“It still has not stopped?” The melodic tenor behind him helped Dick’s heart fall back into pace. Not a hallucination, just a haunting.

“I’m fine.” Dick tilted his head with a shaky manic smile to look at White Ghost towering over him. They hadn’t really talked since Dusan freed him from the cell but the man kept showing up and watching him and the kids for a while every other day.

“That is not what I asked.” Ghost took a seat on the floor next to him and studied Dick’s face. “Stop smiling, you do not really mean it.”

The smile slipped into a pout almost immediately, Dick didn’t like when people saw through him like that. “Maybe I was just happy to see you.”

“I doubt that.”

“Why?”

Ghost gave him a long unreadable look, seemed to be chewing on his own skepticism. “…You are avoiding my question.”

“And you’re avoiding mine.” Dick retorted, cheekily.

They both fell into a slightly sulky silence together and redirected their attention to the twins on the other side of the dojo- Cosmo seemed to be testing how far he could stretch his limbs by turning himself into a human pretzel with his legs behind his head, Damian was playing on some gym bars, hanging upside down and loudly calling for his brother’s attention.

“They still pop up…” Dick spoke when the silence between them got too uncomfortable. “The voices, I mean… When it’s too quiet or when I get stressed.”

“Yes, I heard there was a fight.” Ghost looked around as if he was searching for evidence of the struggle.

“If you call me knocking a guy’s teeth out with one blow a fight.” Dick grinned rather viciously because, damn, that had felt good. “And I’m not even in shape right now.”

“You have quite the reputation, everyone always said you were outstanding. I do not see why you would not be able to compete with our assassins even at your worst. Not that you are at your worst, in my opinion.” Ghost spoke casually, as if discussing the weather. He was facing the kids but looking at Dick from the corner of his eye.

“That almost sounds like a compliment!” Dick’s grin turned a little more honest, a little less savage.

“Because it.. is?” Ghost blinked and furrowed his brow a little in confusion.

“You know, big D, sometimes you remind me of someone.” Dick’s grin fell into a sad little smile. Dusan’s little stunted compliment reminded Dick way too much of a certain Bat and it made him his heart flutter in the most bittersweet way.

“No one you hate, I hope?” Ghost looked worried by that.

“Heh, only when he’s being a cryptic jerk or a martyr.” Dick made a sound between a chuckle and a sigh and tried to block out Bruce’s voice in the back of his skull.

“I try to be neither of those things.” Ghost stated it as fact but it sounded like a promise.

“Good for you.” Dick muttered, running out of fake cheer and trying to stifle a yawn.

“You look… Unwell.” The omega levelled him with an appraising look, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the sickly pallor of his bronze skin.

“I’m just tired. Haven’t been sleeping very much since… Haven’t been sleeping.” Dick mumbled, lamely.

“There are sedatives and sleep-aids in the infirmary.”

“No, thanks.” The last thing he needed was a chemically induced sleep where he couldn’t wake up from his nightmares if he needed to. “It’s more anxiety than anything, really.”

“Then perhaps I could be of some assistance.”

“What do you have in mind?” Dick tilted his head, only a little curious.

“I could always help with the anxiety, tire you enough that you _have_ to sleep, I could help you…how do you Americans say it? _Unwind_?” Ghost suggested, leaning back on his hands.

“Why, Casper!” Dick grinned all over again, unable to resist teasing. “Are you flirting with me?”

“What?” Dusan’s pale skin suddenly started to flush strawberry pink all the way up his ears and he started stumbling on his words, trying and failing to sound composed. “Oh, I… No, sparring! I meant _sparring_.”

Dick giggled and then it turned into real full blown laughter and, wow, he didn’t remember the last time his laugh was genuine. He couldn’t believe he made a big bad assassin that everybody seemed scared to talk to blush and stutter like a teenager. However, sparring sounded good, he really needed an outlet before everything he had bottled up exploded in his face.

“Yeah, I bet you want to pin me to the ground, alright.” Dick teased further, filled with a weird mix of relief and confidence, he _almost_ felt like his old self for a good five seconds.

“I feel that you are mocking me.” Ghost pouted, literally pouted, and looked away bashfully.

“I mock everyone, don’t take it personally.” He pat the man’s shoulder without thinking. “I mean, my name is _Dick_ for a reason.”

Ghost glanced at the hand on his shoulder and then back at Dick’s face with some intrigue in his eyes. “Then is that a no?”

“Of course not but it’s hardly fair. You’re a well-trained mountain of a man and we’ve already established that I’m out of shape.” Dick rolled his eyes but he did like the prospect of sparring without the inherent tension of fighting a stranger or an enemy, this felt more like… Not like training with a _friend_ exactly, but close enough because Ghost had no reason to want to hurt him.

White Ghost stood and extended a hand to help Dick up. “I will try to hold back.”

“Don’t you dare. I would rather break my collarbone being pinned by all this…” He made exaggerated gestures towards Dusan’s whole bulk. “…than get a pity win.”

“I never said I’d let you win.” Dusan gave an amused little smirk, already moving barefoot towards the center of the mats.

“Oh! Oh, that’s how it is? You want to embarrass me in front of my babies?” Dick joked, cocking his head defiantly as he joined the man. “Bring it, Casper.”

“You send some very mixed signals.” Ghost scrunched up his nose in an adorable display of confusion.

Despite all the talk, Dusan let Dick stretch and get ready while he pulled off his coat and waited patiently.

 **“Baba, whatchu doin’?”** Damian asked, still hanging upside down (how he hadn’t made himself sick yet was a wonder).

 **“Sparring, Dami.”** Dick answered automatically while stretching his shoulders but when the boy gave him a confused frown Dick elaborated further. **“Play fighting, practice.”**

Damian nodded but looked at White Ghost, his frown changing from confusion to a furrow of curiosity. Dusan merely waved at both boys, friendly but detached, and then crouched them in front of them but not too close.

 **“We won’t hurt each other but we will be fighting. Try not to get too close, alright?”** Ghost requested in a low but firm voice, he spoke a lot more gently in Arabic than he did in English where he sounded as formal and controlled as Talia, even a bit exaggerated and preachy sometimes.

 **“You’re weird.”** Damian bluntly accused. The kids had seen Ghost before but they never got to speak to him or really focus on him.

 **“Don’t be rude to your uncle, Damian.”** Dick admonished, choosing his words carefully, and when both Damian and Cosmo looked at him with looks of surprise, their expressions demanding an explanation, he added- **“Yes, he’s your uncle… Dusan? Ghost?”** The question was directed White Ghost.

 **“Either is fine for family.”** Dusan replied with ease, Dick knew for a fact that none of the manor staff or the assassins knew the man’s given name though.

 **“Alright, well, still… Don’t be rude.”** Dick muttered at the boys and proceeded to fold his body in half and hold his own feet to stretch every limb.

 **“I’ve heard worse.”** Dusan chuckled, he was staring right at Dick, looking impressed, but looked away gracelessly a moment later and faced Damian again. **“Why am I weird, little one?”**

 **“Your hair is funny.”** Damian explained, pointing at the long locks that Ghost had tied into a loose side tail.

 **“His hair is perfectly fine, Dami. You just never saw anyone with anything but black or brown hair before.”** Dick interjected, finishing up his quick stretches as he spoke.

 **“There’s other colors?”** Damian sounded excited by that.

 **“Yes, we saw it in books, remember? Like the princess with the golden hair?”** Dick stood straight and gave the kid a bemused look.

“That was make-believe!” Damian finally climbed off the bars to sit with his brother.

“It’s not, wait until you meet your first redhead.” Dick smiled a little, the easy reflex of a smile only the twins could spark in him so automatically, but Damian frowned at him again, making him chuckle. “People with red or orange hair, Dami.”

“Wanna see red hair!” The boy became even more excited, practically bouncing.

“Well, at least you got something from me.” Dick’s tone turned dreamy and wistful, he leaned down to ruffle his son’s own dark locks. “Wish you could meet my friend Kory, her red hair literally lights on fire.”

“Wanna see!” Damian insisted again and Cosmo now seemed interested too.

“Maybe… Maybe one day.” Dick hesitated and gave Ghost a sideways glance, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to say that sort of thing to the boys and he had no idea if he would live to see any of his friends again, much less to introduce them to the twins, so he couldn’t make such promises but he really _wanted_ to.

 **“Do you not like my hair, Damian?”** Dusan saw his discomfort and kindly redirected the conversation before it got awkward. **“I believe you brother does.”**

Cosmo was, in fact, playing with Ghost’s hair- he was tugging on the wavy strands of the ponytail and tangling his fingers in them, at some point he even leaned closer to scent and looked tempted to put the curls in his mouth (Dick really hoped he didn’t).

 **“It’s white.”** Damian stated with a furrowed brow, as if that answered the question.

 **“Yes, it is.”** Ghost nodded.

 **“Why?”** The boy demanded, still frowning.

 **“It’s called albinism. My body lacks melanin, the thing that gives color to your hair, skin and eyes.”** As he spoke Dusan gestured at the boy’s hair and face for emphasis. Dick had never heard the words ‘albinism’ or ‘melanin’ in Arabic so it took him a second to process the conversation.

 **“Your eyes have color.”** Damian accused, as if he was calling his uncle a liar by countering what the man said with facts.

 **“Not as much as they would have if I was normal.”** Ghost wasn’t offended in the least, though his choice of words tugged at Dick the wrong way.

 **“But pink eyes is pretty.”** Damian babbled, clearly fascinated by the red hue of the man’s irises and pupils.

 **“Pretty. Pretty. Pretty.”** Cosmo parroted in agreement.

 **“You think so?”** Dusan cracked a tiny amused smile but there was something a bit surprised in his voice.

 **“They’re not wrong.”** Dick agreed, casually but honest.

Suddenly the blush was back in Dusan’s face, the strawberry red spreading violently while the man looked self-conscious and at loss for words. **“I… Thank you?”**

White Ghost gave Dick what was nearly a puppy-eyed look, something vulnerable and guileless that seemed completely at odds with his huge build and usually stern scary face. It rubbed Dick the wrong way again- had this man never gotten a compliment on his looks in his life?

Dusan was objectively attractive and had a kid so Dick assumed _somebody_ must have been involved to him and that someone must had flattered him at some point, right? At least Dick _hoped_ so because the alternatives were too unpleasant to think about, and yet the guy still acted like a blushing virgin over the simplest comment, it wasn’t even that big of a deal, for crying out loud!

Not to mention Dick had no idea how old Dusan was, considering the family’s affinity for foul smelling magic pits he could be very, _very_ , old and if he was that just made his reaction even sadder. How many years did it take for someone to come along and be kind?

Had the albinism really been enough for people like Ra’s to demean Ghost so badly that he thought he was unlikeable? Did he really see himself as that flawed and abnormal? It explained a lot about his character and why he was so adamant at validating his worth through loyalty and action, Dick wouldn’t be surprised if Ra’s had made him this way on purpose and for some reason it pissed him off immensely.

Dick really didn’t want to pity an Al Ghul though.

“So are we going to spar or discuss your princely looks some more?” Dick shifted into English to sound more casual and changed the subject quickly, looking away uncomfortably and punching his own palm to emphasize his need for action.

Dusan nodded and cleared his throat, looking away as well as he stood back up with one last warning for the twins to stay put. He walked back to the center of the mats and faced Dick, both shifting into a fighting stance and circling each other.

The way Ghost moved was eerily familiar to Dick but he couldn’t put his finger on it until the guy lunged for him silently with uncanny speed and forced him to execute an unsteady flip over the man just to dodge. Ghost reacted quickly by turning, grabbing the back of Dick’s clothes and slamming him to the ground.

Dick had the air knocked out of him but recovered quickly, he twisted with his shoulders firmly on the floor and swiped at the man’s legs, using Ghost’s own weight against him and flipping his way back onto his feet before Dusan could bounce back an attack again.

It was Slade. The way Ghost moved reminded Dick of Slade- opportunistic, impossibly quick for someone so big, not following any fair play rules whatsoever, going for blind spots and clothing and giving no quarter, willing to take a blow if it meant dealing two in return or going for the kill.

“You move a lot like someone I know.” Dick huffed, dodging a punch and trying to twist Ghost’s arm into a lock only to get hauled to the ground by said arm with sheer brute strength.

“Same person as before?” Ghost asked, sounding light and not struggling at all as he, in turn, tried to pin down a squirming Dick.

“No, this guy I hate.” Dick growled, grabbed onto the man’s arms and planted his feet on Dusan’s chest to forcefully roll them.

It worked and he broke free for exactly two seconds before Ghost was pouncing and Dick barely had time to ground his feet and twist to get a jab to the man’s torso to avoid behind thrown again. Ghost took the blow with a grunt to get Dick close and wrapped an arm around his throat, the other trapping the younger man’s arm.

“You wouldn’t… happen to have trained… with Deathstroke… would you?” Dick gasped out the question in short breaths while he elbowed the man repeatedly and worked on getting some wiggle room to lift his legs and flip himself up until he had wrenched free and Ghost was the one choking with Dick’s legs trapped around his head.

“I might have taught that man a few things.” Dusan huffed trying to reach up to dislodge Dick, the blush creeping back up his face. “Back when father was considering him for an heir.”

Ghost got irritated when his attempts to remove Dick failed so he slammed backwards into the ground, trying to squash the other omega but Dick saw it coming and jumped out of reach, watching the bigger man go down but not fall, at the last second Ghost spun into a crouch like feline, a larger graceful predatory animal.

Dick took advantage of Dusan already being close to the ground to jump him but was surprised by a leg sweep that had him tumbling down, he caught himself on his hands and cartwheeled out of the way in the nick of time.

Both of them ended up facing each other and circling again, Dick was panting and already much too tired, he knew he wasn’t going to win and by the way Ghost was silently watching him breathe with the slightest knowing smirk, the man knew it too. It didn’t matter, Dick hadn’t been planning on a win, he just wanted a way to get rid of as much tension as possible and if he had to gain a few nasty bruises for it that was fine.

“You are very nimble.” Ghost complimented, shifting his weight into a different stance, adopting a completely different fighting style.

“Yeah, I’m slippery.” Dick smirked and adjusted his pose too, easily reading Dusan’s intentions, then again knowing what was coming didn’t always help. “You’re fast for someone so big.”

“Not fast enough or you would be down already.” Ghost lunged forward quick as a viper and Dick barely had time to duck under a blow, but it did give him an opening to punch Dusan’s ribs as he slid under the man and then straightened and kicked Ghost in the back, watching him pitch forward and loose his balance.

“Not gonna argue that.” Dick leaped but Dusan spun at the last second and caught him, trapping his arms at his sides and lifting him off the ground.

Dick tried for a headbutt and missed, got squeezed tighter for it, he had to use Ghost’s thighs as footholds to push himself out of the man’s bear-like grip, the inertia had them both losing their balance, like two pieces of a rubber band snapping apart.

Dick failed to catch himself on time and ended up sprawled on the floor; Ghost landed on his rear with a grunt, his hair spilling out the tie and falling in tangled waves around his face.

They scrambled back to their feet in record time but Dick was just a fraction faster- he jumped, rotated, and planned on front-flip kick but was so tired that he missed his cue and managed only to land behind Ghost. It was better than nothing, he pounced and tried to maneuver himself into a spinal lock, like an octopus latching on to the bigger man’s back with his arms and legs locked around him.

Dusan took a page out of Dick’s own book and surprised him with a headbutt that he would normally had seen coming but that had him staggering back and hissing a little in pain this time, he didn’t recover fast enough to dodge the next blow to his torso and fell, panting.

Ghost moved carefully up to him for another strike but Dick lunged up and jumped, he grabbed Dusan’s shirt in the process and pulled it up over his head to blind him temporarily while he landed on his feet and then manhandled the man into a leglock, hoping it would hold up to Ghost’s strength.

Dusan struggled with his tangled shirt and pulled it off completely, tossing it at Dick to blind him instead, it was barely two seconds but that was long enough for Ghost to grab Dick’s clothes in retaliation to haul close and shove him down, forcing the lock to break but getting them tangled.

Dick had to tuck his head and roll forward to get away and once he got back up he barely avoided a kick and several fast blows that pushed him to the edge of the mat.

This worked for Dick, he used the wall as leverage and jumped again but missed the chance for the blow he had planned and got grabbed out of the air instead and pulled to the floor.

There was a scuffle where they got tangled together on the ground but Dusan didn’t give Dick space to use his flexibility, he ended up pinned with his chest to the ground with the man’s massive bulk pressing him down and a thick arm around his neck.

“Yield.” Ghost demanded with his face right next to Dick’s, he pressed so hard into the younger man that Dick could feel the heat of his body wrapping around him and his scent rubbing off into Dick’s clothes and hair, it was unsettling but a little bit intoxicating.

Dick tried to thrash and twist away but he was completely stuck and Dusan’s handsome scowling face was so close that despite the wrong angle, Dick was starting to have little flashbacks of that one kiss… That gave Dick an idea, he arched a tiny bit to grind his rear to Ghost’s groin, which got a surprised hiss and gave him just enough room to turn his head a little and smack a kiss on the corner of Ghost’s mouth.

Dusan’s eyes widened and the blush returned with a vengeance, his jaw went slack and so did his grip which was exactly what Dick needed to finally twist out of his hold and use the momentum to roll them until he had the bigger man in wristlock, holding Ghost’s arm at an angle over his knee, while his other leg pressed between Dusan’s shoulder blades.

Ghost could kick all he wanted but he wasn’t flexible enough to hit Dick from that position and his strength was severely compromised.

“Who you gonna call? You know, ‘cause you just got ghostbusted?” Dick joked, horribly, he was running on fumes and was going to drop any second if Dusan just waited him out but at least he felt vindicated.

“I yield.” Ghost muttered out the words with his face still smooshed to the floor, tapping his free hand on the mat.

Dick knew Dusan could keep going, he could see all the openings the man could use to get free and push him down in record time, maybe even break something, but none of that was the purpose of that exercise.

It’s not like they were trying to truly hurt one another, if they were Dick’s shoulders wouldn’t be in their sockets anymore, his nose would have been broken already and probably his neck too, Dusan’s spine, ribs and wrist wouldn’t have been in great condition either.

Dick let go and stood up on wobbly legs, he extended a hand to help Ghost up as the man had done for him earlier and Dusan wrapped warm rough fingers around his forearm and pulled himself up with ease. Ghost then reached up to comb his hair with his fingers and tie it again, the movement made the muscles in arms bunch up in a very distracting way.

Dick could barely catch his breath but Dusan hadn’t even broken a sweat and looked perfectly composed… Minus the blush still fading from his face.

The red glow actually dragged down Ghost’s neck and upper chest too. The guy was big though his muscles were nowhere near as bulky as Batman’s but they were so well defined any bodybuilder would be jealous, he also had a dusting of white hair all over his chest and a constellation of faint scars scattered along his body haphazardly.

Ghost cleared his throat and Dick realized he had been staring, he smirked and tried to look nonchalant. “You’re not even out of breath. This wasn’t a pity win, wasn’t?”

“I told you I would not do that.” Ghost spotted his shirt and reached for it, slipping it back on and avoiding eye contact. Dick could still smell the scent of that shirt from when it was wrapped around his face.

“You could have won.” Dick pointed out, chasing after the man.

“Not without damage.” Ghost dismissed.

“Thanks.” He smiled and Dusan finally looked at him again, his gaze drifting from Dick’s eyes to his lips and back again very quickly. He could guess what was on the man’s mind. “Don’t overthink it.” 

“Feel better?” Dusan ignored the comment, pretended he didn’t hear his own words thrown back at him, but his voice was low and he took a step closer so that Dick had to look up to maintain eye contact.

“Definitely.” Dick winked and saw Ghost’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed drily and attempted to keep his expression impassive. Dick suspected that if the blush had already faded from Dusan’s face it would be flaring again.

There was a little distressed call behind them and they turned to see Damian looking anxious and scared, rocking in place to keep himself from running up to them, while Cosmo clung to his arm like a life-preserver. Dick winced and gave Ghost and apologetic look before to rushing to the boys.

“Dami, it’s alright. I told you, it was just play fighting.” Dick crouched down in front of his son but he understood the fear, so far every time the boys saw Dick fighting up close and personal someone ended up very hurt. **_“It’s over. I’m ok, see?”_**

Damian shook his head stubbornly but seemed at loss for words, looking anxiously between Dick and Dusan. He kept rocking and was digging his tiny nails into his own arms, leaving angry little scratches that conveyed his distress.

 ** _“Do want to go back to the room?”_** Dick asked patiently. Damian shook his head so he didn’t insist. **_“Do you want to tell me why you’re upset?”_**

The older twin stared at his father as if looking for the solution to a difficult puzzle and then shook his head once more and bit his lip. **_“No…”_**

Dick was getting anxious again because, really, what did expect would happen? He really shouldn’t have been so selfish, he should have considered the kids first but he had thought… No, he hadn’t thought at all, he was too preoccupied with himself. Still, Talia had made the boys spar in the past so was it so bad that he assumed they’d understand the difference?

 ** _“Do you want a hug?”_** Dick tried and before he could even finish, both boys were launching themselves into his arms.

Dick fell back from his crouched position and landed on his butt but he held both boys close and hugged them tight, scenting them both and letting his own smell soothe them. After a few minutes Cosmo detached and sat quietly again, Damian clung to Dick and nuzzled his chest insistently, tugging at the sweaty shirt.

 ** _“Not here, Dami. Later.”_** Dick promised, rubbing the toddler’s back. He didn’t have much to give them in terms of milk anymore, not after starving in the cell, but he too liked to let them nurse when they were stressed, it calmed everyone down even if it just for a little bit.

Damian made a demanding and annoyed muffled sound against Dick’s shirt, the first stirrings of a little tantrum, so Dick tried to redirect his attention.

 ** _“Did you like watching daddy fight?”_** Dick doubted it but he hoped so, maybe if he could do it again the twins would pick up something useful.

Damian nodded and pulled Cosmo back into Dick’s lap in a possessive a half hug, then he straightened up and looked at Dick, still pouty which didn’t quite have the desired effect with the bruise that was slowly darkening on his cheek.

“Baba won.” Damian said, more question than fact.

“Yup, I kicked butt.” Dick smiled and bopped both their noses. “One day you will to.”

“Promise?” The boy scrunched his nose and tried to keep pouting but enthusiasm gleamed in his big eyes. Cosmo, on the other hand, let Dick bop his nose and opened his mouth to chomp on Dick’s finger, sucking on it so randomly that Dick couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.

“I promise.” Dick leaned close and placed a little kiss on Damian’s cheek and one on Cosmo’s forehead, carefully extracting his drool-covered finger. **_“Now, go play a little more while I talk to your uncle. Then it’s bath time.”_**

The twins scrambled out of his lap and headed for the bars again, both of them climbing on this time, with Damian teaching and guiding Cosmo on how to hold and turn until he was hanging upside down too.

“Little bats.” Dick murmured affectionately as he watched them for a moment before turning to spot Ghost standing by the doors that led to the courtyard with weak orange sunset tinting half his body in gold and casting shadows on the other half.

Dick stood up and moved towards the man, collapsing tiredly to sit on the ground and running a hand through his hair. Now that the boys were handled, he could feel his smiley mask slipping again but at least he was still loose from the fight and not hearing things.

“They need to get used to this, they will be doing themselves soon enough.” Ghost commented, his tone sounded disapproving but also mildly impressed.

“I know but I think after seeing me fight your sister and end up stabbed, screaming or bleeding, they got a little traumatized.” Dick retorted, not bothering to hide his bitterness.

“The Master would call them sensitive, he would try to beat it out of them.” Dusan said it with no emotion whatsoever and Dick chanced a glance at the man in hopes of seeing more in his expression but Ghost was just looking at the boys with his lips pressed into a thin line, like he was biting back his real opinion.

“Your father can kiss my ass.” Dick crossed his arms and scowled. 

Dusan looked at him, shocked like an old lady clutching her pearls, but he snapped out of it quickly and then turned back to the boys. “Tt. I think you underestimate them. You coddle them.”

“So what? Why should I care about your opinion? You don’t even take care of your own kid.” Dick snapped and stood back up to face the man, temper and exhaustion catching up to him. He regretted it five seconds later when Ghost’s face fell and the man’s scent shifted into something emotional that made the small acrid hints of Lazarus Pit stand out more starkly.

“I…” Dusan hesitated, shoulders tensing defensively, then he let out a breath and tried to reason calmly and aloof. “I did what was best for her. Once she was weaned, the Master decided I should stay away for the time being, to avoid spoiling her.”

“And you allowed that?” Dick couldn’t understand, no matter how blindly devoted Ghost was to his father that couldn’t have felt right to him. “Don’t you miss her?”

“What I feel is irrelevant, her training is the priority.” Dusan’s face turned stony.

“That’s not what I asked.” Dick jabbed the man in the chest. He wasn’t even sure why he was having this argument, it was none of his business.

“…Of course I miss her.” There was irritation and defeat in Ghost’s voice. “Like I said, what I feel is irrelevant.”

“Do you think she’s happy without you?”

“Mara is well taken care of.”

“Stop dodging my questions.” Dick reached out to grab Dusan’s biceps and shake him, it was as effective as trying to shake a brick wall but it got the man’s attention.

“I wouldn’t know, Richard.” Ghost snapped, irritably and deeply bitter. “Maybe she is, my presence has never brought anyone happiness.”

That hit Dick like a slap in the face.

He reminded himself again that he didn’t want to pity an Al Ghul and he told himself any grief was Ghost’s own fault for following Ra’s blindly like an idiot, but no matter what he told himself he couldn’t shake off the empathy, couldn’t ignore the bitter look in the man’s crimson eyes or the embarrassment that crept onto Dusan’s features as he avoided Dick’s gaze.

Fuck Ra’s Al Ghul for making his own family feel this way.

“Oh, big D…” Dick sighed and, without thinking, wrapped his arms around the man in hug. He couldn’t help himself- the instinct to soothe, the need for contact, were part of him and in that moment he felt more like himself than he had in a long time.

Ghost stiffened at first, clearly shocked and not sure what to do ( _good_ , a little part of Dick’s brain saw it as payback for the kiss) but then he slowly unwound and leaned into the embrace, not quite hugging back but allowing his hands to rest on Dick’s waist as his head tilted just enough to press his face into the younger man’s hair, taking in the scent.

It was over quickly. Dick didn’t know what else to say, his anger and outrage paled next to his pity and exhaustion, and Ghost looked uncomfortable enough with the vulnerability so they stepped away from each other a little awkwardly and just stood there like fools for a full minute until Ghost pulled himself together and broke the silence.

“You are very physical.” Dusan stated, a little accusing.

“We were joint locking and body slamming each other moments ago and a hug bothers you?” Dick scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I did not say it bothered me.” The corners of Ghost’s lips quirked just a little. “Not in the least.”

“You’re welcome.” Dick gave a mock bow and then glanced at the twins.

The boys had started fake-wrestling each other and were rolling around on the ground with Cosmo holding Damian in a mock approximation of a spinal lock, so apparently watching him spar hadn’t been completely lost on them but they were bound to hurt each other at any minute if he didn’t interfere. In fact, Damian already had his sharp little baby teeth sunken into his brother’s arm and was growling in frustration.

“I should go handle that.” Dick chuckled nervously, hoping Ghost wouldn’t notice how unaffected by the bite Cosmo was. “Thanks for the workout.”

White Ghost just gave a nod of acknowledgement, Dick squeezed the man’s arm briefly and left in a hurry to gather the boys and shepherd them back to their room for a bath.

That night he actually managed to sleep for a few hours with the twins latched to his chest, it wasn’t the best rest and the nightmares still woke him up and forced him to leave the room and go wind down from the panic by pacing outside, but it was an improvement and he found himself wanting to ask Ghost to spar with him again.

He told himself it was for stress relief and to sleep, that was all, but the voices in his head disagreed. This time it was Wally, laughing softly behind him.

_‘You’re like Alice, buddy. Falling down the rabbit hole.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad I've converted a couple dozen people to NightGhost. Let's see what's in store for them in the future, shall we?  
> *insert teaser here*
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring.  
> Comments are my life blood, feed me, my beloveds.  
> You should know by now it's your comments that keep me going and inspire me to write faster.


	28. To Unlock Tragic Backstory Press...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick doesn't understand why anyone would be nice to him without ulterior motives, he doesn't know what he's feeling anymore and he refuses to acknowledge that Ghost might be right about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late updating because I had some software issues that made it impossible to write. All fixed now.
> 
> I'm very unhappy about this chapter because I had to rewrite so many times due to reasons. I decided to just post it and move on to better stuff.

“I know what you’re doing.” Dick mumbled, annoyed, as he extended an arm to pull Ghost to his feet. “Why do you keep letting me win?”

“I do not.” Dusan sounded very serious and aloof as he rose to from the dojo mat, he hadn’t even broken a sweat. Again.

“Yeah, you are.” Dick was certain of it, they had been sparring every few days for a while now and at least four out of five times Dick always won and it always felt off.

“I simply do not know how to win without causing harm. It is not how I was taught.” Ghost gave a polite shrug and busied himself tying his unruly hair.

“Then hurt me, you know I can take anything you dish out.” He started undoing the bandages from his hands and noticed the pinched look the other man gave him.

“I would rather not.”

“And I would rather see the scary White Ghost everyone is so afraid of.” Dick rolled his eyes.

He knew there was more to Ghost than the gentle façade the man showed around him, he saw how Dusan acted around others when he thought Dick couldn’t see him, he heard enough whispers and rumors to figure out that Ghost had one hell of a reputation. The zealot. The assassin. Ra’s Al Ghul’s shadow.

Heck, Dick swore he could smell blood all over the omega even now. After a few days of absence Ghost had just returned from somewhere and Dick could bet whatever he had been doing hadn’t been nice. It should bother him, it really should, but being surrounded by assassins for three years desensitized him to what they did for a living.

“The whole point of the White Ghost is that people do not see him and live.” Dusan still sounded neutral but there was a sort of stubbornness creeping into his voice.

“Ooh, so scary.” Dick mocked, raising his hands and wiggling his fingers. “Here I thought you were the least dramatic one of the family.”

“I am.” Ghost scowled, not really pouting at the accusation but close enough.

“Yeah, right. You’re just the one with the D&D nickname.”

“Technically, Ra’s Al Ghul is also…” Dusan began only for Dick to cut him off. He already knew that Ra’s name was a not really his name, that much was obvious. ‘Demon’s Head’ though?

Overdramatic. The whole bunch of them.

“Yes, I know, the whole family is a soap opera.” Dick scoffed and stretched. “Should I change my name to Christine, Phantom?”

To his surprise Ghost laughed, his lips twisting into a grin. “I actually understood the reference this time.”

“Goodie, we should exchange notes on how to wreck fancy chandeliers.” He teased but the joke went over Dusan’s head.

Ghost was saved from his confusion by the noisy arrival of the twins with Naima and a couple guards. After lunch the kids had napped while Dick took a chance to spar with Dusan but now it was time for afternoon practice. He spotted Damian carrying something suspiciously and making a beeline for the little obstacle course the guards had set up.

“Damian, what do you have there?” Dick asked from afar.

“Knives!” The boy flashed an armful of throwing knives and ran off.

“Damian, no!” Dick chased after the kid, he kept telling them not to run with sharp objects but the ninjas kept undermining that lesson by introducing new weapons.

Dick caught up with Damian and tugged him by the back of his shirt before he could start throwing the knives. They were upgrading to a moving obstacle course with dummies now that Damian could hit stationary targets but it was too dangerous to use real knives just yet (the assassins disagreed, Dick didn’t care what they thought).

Damian didn’t want to let go of the sharp shiny objects but Dick noticed that they weren’t just standard equipment- they were Dick’s own knives, the very sharp pretty ones that had been gifted to him by the maids and that Dick never used because they gave him a weird feeling of dejà vu.

“Where did you get these? My room?” He asked the boy with a slight frown, plucking a knife from Damian’s arms and immediately getting that odd foggy-headed feeling of familiarity.

“Practice!” Damian pointed at the obstacle course, very excited.

“Dami, practicing with moving targets is hard, someone could get hurt.” Dick put the knife away and moved to a basket at the edge of the course picking up one of the many little weighed cloth balls full of chalk dust. “We’re using these.”

“No.” Damian pouted and stomped his foot.

“Yes.” The matter wasn’t really up for debate.

“No!” The boy shrieked angrily and threw one of the knives, it sunk into the floor two inches from Dick’s foot.

Dick frowned and bent down to retrieve the blade. He couldn’t reward that behavior but he knew trying to punish Damian would just make him more rebellious and if he brought too much attention to the situation, Ra’s might go over him and make the kids train with live weapons all the time.

Sometimes, he wished he was the kind of scary parent that could get children to behave just with a glare, or the kind of parent like Alfred that tossed a disappointed look their way and made them feel bad and chastised right away. Unfortunately, Dick was none of those things, nor were the twins the type to care about such looks.

He took a breath and considered his options.

“Look, here’s the deal- we use these…ah, let me finish!” Dick had to silence Damian when he started to protest, to keep the kid focused he grabbed four of the chalk balls and started juggling them, the dust got everywhere. “We use these for now and when you can hit all the targets and nothing else I’ll let you have my knives, ok?”

“No.” Damian pouted but he couldn’t stop watching the juggling act and looked close to giving in.

“I’ll make cake if you behave?” Dick tried, hoping it would work. He didn’t like bribing the twins but he was too tired for anything else, besides, he was still a kitchen disaster but he’d become fairly decent with simple cakes.

“…Sticky cake.” Damian demanded, cautiously.

“Sure. Date cake.” Dick understood, he stopped juggling and handed the boy the chalk balls. “Deal?”

Damian accepted the dusty balls with a reluctant nod and handed over the knives. Dick watched the kid run off to get ready and then had to rush over to Cosmo, who had taken an interest in the balls and was two seconds away from shoving one in his mouth.

“No. No, little prince, these have chalk so no putting them in your mouth.” Dick redirected the boy to regular target practice with normal balls where he could decide if he wanted to train or not.

Cosmo still had no interest in learning how to throw and that was fine, so long as Damian kept learning and Talia was away, nobody would even notice Cosmo. It was unfair though, to put so much pressure on the older twin, it was also unfair that Damian got all the praise and attention while Cosmo went ignored; Dick didn’t like any of it but for now there was a precarious balance in place that allowed both kids to move at their own pace so he tried not to overthink it.

Dick ended up leaning against the wall at the edge of the obstacle course, absentmindedly playing with his knives and watching Damian running through the little path and throwing the balls at dummies and targets, whatever he hit ended up with an imprint of chalk so Dick could determine what needed to be improved. The boy didn’t miss nearly as much as Dick had expected.

Ghost approached him and Dick thought he’d just stick around to watch like he did sometimes, but he wasn’t looking at Damian, instead he reached out to pat white dust off Dick’s shirt rather carefully. The man said nothing for a long while and it made Dick hyperaware of those crimson eyes on him.

“What’s on your mind, big D?” He asked, casually twirling a blade between his fingers.

“How do you do that?” Ghost seemed curious, with a tiny hint of wonder in his eyes.

“Do what?” Dick pulled his gaze away from Damian to look at the man.

“The… what is the word in English?” Dusan paused to think and when he came up empty, he mimed with his hands.

“Juggling?” He smiled as the other omega nodded. “My mom, it’s kinda of a basic skill in the circus.”

As if to exemplify, Dick gathered four of his knives and started juggling them slowly, very aware of the danger but so used to the motion that it came automatically, he barely had to look at blades.

“Circus?” Ghost watched with obvious delight and even more curiosity.

“Right. Sometimes I forget.” Dick wasn’t used to people who knew his secret identity without knowing his origins. “I was born in a circus, spent my childhood travelling the world with it until I was nine.”

“Your parents were performers. That explains plenty.” Dusan gave a small chuckle and kept watching the blades move steadily through the air.

“Not just my parents. I was playing in uneven bars before I could walk, hanging from a trapeze by the time I was four, doing tricks with animals at five. At six I started to perform in our family act and I loved every second of it.” Dick smiled ever so slightly and tossed the knives higher one by one, catching them without missing a beat and tucking them all away.

“What was the act?” Ghost watched every move with interest and seemed truly interested in the topic.

“Trapeze.” He smiled nostalgically but also unbearably sad. “But that’s just one of the things we did. I won’t bore you with the details.”

“You could not possibly bore me.” Dusan leaned back against the wall next to Dick with a little smile of his own. “Tell me more.”

“Ok, well…” Dick considered where to start, he figured there was no need to keep secrets about that part of his life. Before long he was rambling unfiltered. “My mom’s side of the family were mostly ground performers. Juggling clowns, hoop gymnasts, animal acts and so on. It’s actually funny because my alpha grandmother was a dentist before she ran off with her pretty circus wife and became a juggler. Then again, they were a Romanichal and a Roma, there’s no way they would settle down and stay put for long.”

“Are Romanichal and Roma not the same thing?” Ghost didn’t look bored at all and that encouraged Dick to keep talking.

“Yes and no. They’re all Romani, part of the same nation with the same roots, but Romanichal are Roma that settled in in the UK and set themselves apart a bit. Grandma Lloyd was born in Ireland.”

“And her wife?”

“Romania, I think? I never actually met her.” Dick answered rather distracted because Damian had just stopped to pick up a bunch of balls he had dropped, so he raised his voice for the kid to hear. “Damian, don’t stop in the middle of the course! Don’t make yourself a target!”

The boy jumped but and looked around confused and pointing at the fallen balls. Dick got up and helped him pick them up, he also cleaned up the targets and fallen bits of chalk.

“Never stop halfway, here or in real life. If you run out of ammo, just keep running or hide and find another plan.” Dick told Damian patiently, he wasn’t sure the kid understood yet but Damian nodded anyway. “Now, start over.”

The boy did as instructed, and when Dick returned to Ghost’s side, the man was still waiting for him to continue.

“You were saying?” Dusan prompted with a flourish.

“Where was I? Oh, right.” Dick cleared his throat and resumed his train of thought. “Mom’s side were ground performers but not my mom, she was an acrobat and that’s how she met my dad. The Graysons were aerialists- trapeze, tightrope, silk dancing, you name it. If it involved heights and acrobatics they did it.”

“And you?”

“I did it too but for an audience I only ever did trapeze, my parents didn’t want me performing alone until I was older.”

“You never got the chance.” Dusan guessed based on what Dick had said so far.

“Oh, I did. Years later, I’d occasionally help out with shows when the circus came to town.” Dick spoke proudly but he focused on Damian, trying not to think too deeply about his old friends. He wondered what Raya or CC were up to those days. 

“Sounds like you enjoyed that life.”

“I loved the spotlight, the thrill and the applause.” Dick tipped his head back against the wall, closing his eyes briefly to bask in the memory, he could hear the applause like an echo all around him. “Plus, I got to travel the world, my childhood best friend was an elephant and there was never a dull moment. Of course I loved it.”

“Why did you leave?” Dusan was staring at the way he tipped his head, his eyes following the line of Dick’s throat and the curve of his collarbone.

“I didn’t.” He shrugged and returned his eyes to Damian but Ghost cocked a brow, expecting an explanation, and that made Dick plaster on one of his fake little grins. “You sure you want to unlock my tragic backstory?”

“Is it anymore tragic than belonging to my sister?” The question was humorless, bitter and vicious.

“Ouch, Casper’s got claws.” Dick smirked but gave a brief nod. “But you’re right, it’s not.”

Ghost placed a hand on his shoulder, giving a light squeeze. “If you do not wish to tell me I will not pry.”

“My parents died.” He blurted out, wanting to get the topic over with and discovering that it wasn’t nearly as painful to talk about as it should be. “A mobster running a protection racket tried to extort our vaida - that’s our chief, in this case the circus owner – and when he refused to pay them off they sent someone to make a point. Acid on the trapeze ropes, they snapped halfway through our daredevil act.”

“Daredevil act?”

“No safety net. Those aren’t legal in most countries anymore but back in the day they were the highlight of the show. Nothing draws a crowd quite like danger.” Dick shrugged again and it led to his shoulders slumping as he attempted to wrap his arms around himself, hoping to hide his own vulnerability. “My parents fell to their deaths.”

“I am sorry.” To his credit, Ghost really did sound sorry and compassionate and a little bit furious. “Were they avenged?”

“That’s a whole other story, Dusan. You need more points to unlock that one.” Dick tossed him a mocking smile and swerved away from the conversation by calling out to Damian again and instructing him on his stance.

As he was helping Damian, Cosmo toddled over and reached up for his father, so Dick picked him and carried him over his hip back to the sidelines with Dusan while Damian set out to start the whole course again. They watched the older twin for several long quiet minutes, Cosmo leaning his head on Dick’s shoulder and staring at Ghost with his huge unreadable green eyes.

“You did not wish to stay with the circus? After?” Ghost broke the silence, restarting the conversation as if it had never been interrupted even though Dick still had his focus on the boys.

“I did. Circumstances didn’t allow it.” Dick shrugged, gave Damian a thumbs up when the boy finished the course and started over once more, and then turned his head to give Dusan a vague smile. “Anyway, I’m a man of many talents.”

“So it would seem.” Ghost agreed, eyes narrowing at that phony smile. “You mentioned an elephant?”

“Zitka, I played with her for hours almost every day. There was also Elinore, she was a big softie.” Dick played with Cosmo’s hair as he allowed himself to dwell on the fond memories for a while, it was nice to remember better times but emotionally draining too. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Dusan sounded taken aback by the shift in the conversation.

“Any strange childhood friends?”

“No.” Ghost paused as if he was going through all his memories to confirm his own answer. “I was never allowed to interact with others until I earned my place in the League. Rather, my existence was a bit of a dirty secret.”

“That’s depressing.” Dick frowned, as much as he wanted to learn more about Ghost, any new information somehow always ended up making him angry.

“Different times. It is in the past.” Dusan gave the tiniest of shrugs, aloof and a bit cold.

“What about your sisters?”

“What about them?”

“I don’t know the age difference but weren’t any of them around?” For all Dick knew the siblings could be generations apart and it was impossible to tell who was born first, after all there was a Lazarus Pit in the mix.

Ghost considered the question for a while, eyes focused on nothing in particular for long enough that Dick though he wasn’t going to answer but then the man gave a little hum and spoke like he was surrendering.

“Nyssa for a while but we did not interact much. By the time Talia was born I was grown, she became father’s favorite so I tended to her after her mother passed and I _cared_ about her more than anyone ever cared for me, but things change.”

There was bitterness in Ghost’s voice, they had talked about the man’s feelings for his sisters before but Dick still wondered what Talia had done to make Dusan so disappointed in her.

“You don’t care about her anymore?” Dick didn’t really give a damn if anyone cared about the alpha but was curious.

“Tt. I did not say that.” Ghost clicked his tongue and frowned. “She is not who she used to be.”

“If you say so.” Dick shrugged, having gotten the same reply as before and nothing new; it did conjure up a completely new question in his mind though. “Why are you so nice to me?

“What do you mean?” Dusan finally looked at him again, tilting his head slightly with a hint of confusion.

“At first I thought you just did it to defy her but… That’s not it, is it?”

“Not at all.” Ghost went serious, too serious for Dick’s taste but he had learned by now that that was what Dusan did when he hiding something. “I have said it before, do not…”

“Don’t overthink it. Yeah, I remember.” Dick waved his hand dismissively with a sigh and Cosmo reached for it so he let the kid grab his fingers.

Ghost watched the two of them but seemed a little put off by Dick’s tone. “If you must know, it has nothing to do with her.”

“Well, I doubt it’s _just_ about my good looks…” Dick mocked, trying to smile but faltering. “If it’s about the kids, you don’t have to be nice to me, I love them so I’m always going to look out for them.”

“It is not about them either.”

“Then I don’t know what you could want from me.” Dick let out a small frustrated breath.

If Ghost were and alpha, Dick would have had other theories, other reasons why the man might like him but they were both omegas, there was no pull to mark or claim or breed. And he was not allowed outside the island or given any League assignments in a long time, as a warrior he was wasted having been delegated to glorified babysitter, so Dusan couldn’t possibly value him for any of his skills either.

“Richard, you have far more to offer than simply your worth as a parent or one of Talia’s pawns.” Ghost placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder, the one that didn’t have a toddler leaning on it.

“Do I? Really? Because I haven’t been anything more than that since long before you met me.” Dick dislodged that hand with the excuse of letting Cosmo down so he could go join his brother.

“That is not true. You are a fascinating person.” Dusan sounded frustrated but earnest.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Dusan, look at me.” Dick snapped, turning to face the man with a glare and gesturing at himself. “You pulled me out of that hole, you know how messed up I am. The only reason I’m even kept alive is because of what I can do for them.” He pointed at the two children now running together to gather fallen balls. “And honestly? They are all I have anyway. Don’t try to convince me there’s anything else about me that’s worth the air I breathe.”

Ghost stared at him in shock, lips slightly parted and eyes wide. “Richard, that is a terrible thing to say about yourself.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Dick crossed his arms and frowned, they couldn’t understand this man at all. “You’ve had to prove yourself and earn your place your whole life, I don’t know why my words surprise you.”

“You are so much more than what she made you.” Dusan insisted, ignoring the barb.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” He shrugged and finally turned away, watching the kids for any excuse to avoid the intensity in those red eyes. “And it still doesn’t explain your interest… Unless you like fixing little broken things?”

“Richard…” Ghost’s tone was a mix of distress and warning, his hand coming back up to Dick’s shoulder, this time in an attempt to turn him back to him.

Dick chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second, biting all the bitterness and emotion threatening to surface- he was not going to cave and let himself be vulnerable, he was not going to let Ghost give him false hopes, it was just easier to accept his fate and be resigned.

He took deep quite breath and plastered the most mocking, borderline cruel, smile he could before he turned into the man’s touch.

“I’m kidding. Geez, relax, big D.” Dick laughed, joyless, and smacked the man’s arm playfully. “There’s nothing _little_ about me.” Plenty broken though, but not up to be fixed.

Ghost frowned, he wasn’t buying it at all and always hated the fake smiles. He took a step closer to close the gap between them and his hand on Dick’s shoulder climbed up to cup the younger man’s cheek, his thumb tracing the line of a cheekbone as his intense crimson eyes bore into Dick’s haunted ones.

“You…” Before Ghost could say anything meaningful there was a poof sound that made him stagger ever so slightly and a sudden cloud of white dust between them as a white imprint appeared in his pale face.

It took a second for them to realize Dusan had been hit by one of the chalk balls. They parted and looked around for the source just in time to see Damian chucking another one that hit Ghost straight in the chest, causing him to sputter and dust himself off.

 **“Leave baba alone!”** Damian shouted and pouted, stomping over to them.

The kid wedged himself between them and clung to Dick’s leg, trying to shove Ghost away. It was very much the same reaction he had had when he first met Jason, the jealousy in his tiny body spilling out in waves, his scent still soft and babyish but overflowing with warning and possessiveness.

Dick laughed again, a little lighter, and pulled the boy up into his arms while grinning at the other omega. “I bet you’re glad I didn’t let him have the knives, huh?”

Dusan was bewildered by the whole situation but instead of being upset he complimented the boy on his skills, Damian didn’t care and chose to cling to Dick like a greedy little octopus just as Cosmo joined them and grabbed his father’s shirt just to be included. Ghost seemed to think he wasn’t welcome anymore, so he then threw a Dick a sharp meaningful look and then excused himself and left.

*

Dick kept having nightmares, he lost track of the days since he got out of the quiet room but the dreams still kept him up and left him tired and irritable.

He sparred with Ghost every few days because he needed to unwind and tire himself out and the man never said no (though he wished the assassin would stop holding back) but whenever Dusan wasn’t there he started picking fights with the assassins training the kids, it didn’t take much to goad them and he really just needed to punch something every so often, he needed to let out some of his frustration, and if he ended up bruised and aching afterwards that was great too because at least it let him know he was alive.

It wasn’t a great coping mechanism at all but Dick thought he was doing pretty well for a crazy person.

And he really did know he was crazy, he tried to keep his mask on in front of the kids and they supplied him with some precious moments that kept him going but behind his mask he was fueled by survival mode and had so much bottled up that the voices seemed like the least of his problems.

It was four in the morning and Dick was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, the bedside lamp was on as usual but he wasn’t seeing anything. The latest nightmare was still fresh on his mind- Jason smelling like he was dunked in a decaying soup of acid and moldy grave dirt, eyes glowing with insanity, snarling and snapping his teeth like horror movie zombie looking for brains, his bloody hands wrapped around Dick’s throat.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst nightmare Dick ever had but he could still hear Jason’s voice like he was sitting next to him on the bed, telling him what he crap job he did had protecting people.

“I know, Jay.” Dick agreed tiredly, he knew he was talking to himself but it was easier not to fight it. And if it helped break the silence, why would he fight it?

“Baba?” He heard Damian and thought it was just another voice in his head, wouldn’t be the first time he heard the kids without them being there, so he sighed instead of replying.

There was a tug on the bedsheets and Dick finally turned his head to see the toddler climbing onto the bed and dragging his elephant plushie with him. So not a hallucination then, he really needed to be careful with those, it wouldn’t do to let them confuse him in public.

 ** _“What are you doing up, Dami?”_** He asked and realized his face was wet, he hadn’t noticed the tears until he moved. Dick rushed to wipe them away with a quick sniff.

Damian stared at him with a strange fearful expression and then, without saying anything, the boy crawled into his lap, shoved his shirt up and latched onto a nipple.

Dick winced and the forcefulness. **_“Hey, hey! Watch the teeth, baby bat!”_**

He really needed to teach the kid about boundaries and personal space. Damian eased up but didn’t let go, Dick just sighed again and pulled off his shirt completely so the boy wouldn’t be smothered under it, and then he wrapped his arms around Damian and tried to relax.

 ** _“Nightmare?”_** Dick guessed but got no reply. **_“Or maybe you’re still feeling clingy?”_** Jealous, the right word was jealous.

Damian kept nursing quietly but grabbed one of Dick’s hands and brought it up to his chest, clinging to it like thought his father might run away otherwise.

Dick chuckled tiredly and held the boy a little closer, after a few minutes he felt calmer too, the hormones and Damian’s baby scent kicking in and shoving the nightmares under the rug. He hummed for the child, something that started like ‘The Flying Trapeze’ but ended up a discordant mess of a tune when he began to doze off again.

Teeth and small slap to his chest jolted Dick awake, he blinked the sleep from his eyes to find Damian scowling up at him. “What? I’m up, I’m up.”

“Jason.” Damian muttered, mouth still pressed to Dick’s skin.

“Hm? What about him?” Dick yawned.

“You said Jay.” The boy mumbled.

“I did?” He blinked and frowned, he didn’t recall dreaming in the short moment he dozed off but it was possible. “I was dreaming, baby bat.”

“Where Jason?” Damian asked, also yawning.

“I don’t know, Dami.” Dick pet the boy’s hair, Damian kept trying to nurse more but would get too sleepy and loose his grip, he refused to let go though. “Wanna sleep here with me?”

Damian nodded so Dick tuned on his side, pulled the covers over them and wrapped an arm around the toddler, letting Damian cuddle to his chest with his little head under Dick’s chin. Damian mumbled a lot, asked about Jason again and then about things he’d learned in the last few days, eventually he also said something unintelligible about Ghost, just random sleepy questions that Dick whispered replies to until the kid was finally asleep.

Dick didn’t want to go back to sleep himself, he didn’t want to have nightmares again and wake the boy with his panic so he settled with holding Damian and watching the first soft hints of sunrise creep up outside the window.

There was something strange happening but Dick wasn’t sure what it was. It made him feel… Guilty.

Guilty because he didn’t feel any of the things he should feel; felt content when he should be guarded, miserable when he should be focused, empty when he should love.

Guilty because he should be feeling more- more love for the twins, more yearning for Bruce, more worry about Jason, more anger at Talia, more suspicion about Ghost, more hatred for the situation he was in, just _more_. He should be fighting but instead he felt himself folding into the strangeness, going hollow.

It was a numbness that he knew well settling back in, except it was nothing like before.

The constant anxiety just waiting for the slightest trigger was still there, as was the permanent undercurrent of desperation that he was so used to by now that he no longer remembered life without it; but the numb feeling blanketed his frayed nerves with false calm, with disinterest, and it leached color from the world and made him feel like he was always stuck under water, like he lived on a different plane than the rest of humanity.

He wasn’t just pushing down what he felt to keep surviving anymore, he was actively chasing the numbness, the emptiness, embracing the nothing because he was tired of suffering, tired of fighting, tired of…of being _tired_.

Nobody was ever coming for him, most likely nobody even remembered him anymore, he was never going to get out. One day he was going to make the wrong move and get himself killed, one day he would no longer be needed. Until then he had the same old reason to keep going- the boys needed him. But was it really enough?

One day Talia was going to come back and Dick was going to… He didn’t know what he was going to do when that happened but it wouldn’t be pretty. As for the right now, Dick was struggling every day, doing everything to stay in the moment but he was running on fumes and nothing felt important anymore.

No, not true. One thing felt important, it _had_ to feel important, the twins would _always_ be important.

The problem was, nothing Dick could do for them felt that great anymore, in fact half the time he wondered if they wouldn’t be better off without him. And if they were… then what the hell was he even alive for?

Dick’s head was a mess, he didn’t even know why he still bothered trying to make sense of anything.

The sun was shining high in the sky and Dick realized he’d zoned out for… He didn’t know, probably hours, but Damian was still asleep against his body and he had no intention of moving any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get dicey again soon.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I love reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring.  
> Comments are my life blood, feed me, my beloveds.  
> You should know by now it's your comments that keep me going and inspire me to write faster.


	29. A Fish Out Of Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something weird is happening to Dick but what else is new? The kids and their life lessons wait for no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: English vs **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_**
> 
> I'm a little late again, this time because I've been stuck on some point points but it's all finally falling into place. To make up for it, have another huge extra long chapter because my discipline is out the window at this point. There might be typos, I proofread this while very sleep deprived.  
> The next chapter is almost done too and should be up this weekend.  
> I'm really terrible at chapter titles, I know.

They had blinis for breakfast.

Dick didn’t know why, in the years since Talia locked him in a proverbial cage, Dick only had blinis once a year but he knew it wasn’t his birthday, he was sure he missed his birthday that year, what with being locked in a tiny hell hole and all.

None of the nannies really acted like it was his birthday either, so he didn’t understand why Fatima had decided to make his favorite food out of the blue.

Dick suspected they were just trying to trick him into eating. Not that he usually didn’t, it’s just that lately his appetite was pretty inexistent, which was saying something considering that after the quiet room he should have hoarding food like the crazy malnourished person he was (or had been for a little while, he was better now).

He had missed lunch two days before because he had zoned out for a few hours while the kids were with tutors, he couldn’t even remember what he did during those hours- one moment they all had breakfast together and the next he was taking the twins to the dojo to train some gymnastics.

The day before he had felt so nauseous and agitated that he hadn’t touched dinner, and though the nightmares haunted him all night he had slept through them for a change and woke up feeling hollowed out all the way down to his marrow. It was terrible feeling.

Alright, maybe he was skipping too many meals. Maybe he was even coming down with something, but it was hard to tell since he hadn’t felt alright in a very long time.

Nonetheless, Dick tried not to overthink and thanked Fatima for the treat. It was sweet and he was aware that he hadn’t been talking to any of the maids as much as he used to lately but he couldn’t find it in him to correct that, they kept trying to talk about how he felt and acted scared around him for whatever reason, he didn’t have the energy or the patience to deal with that.

The kids got carted off to a math lesson after that. Dick wanted to tag along but he just didn’t feel up for it and would likely end up in an argument because he didn’t like the math tutor and would rather teach them himself (nobody allowed it). Then again, most of the tutors didn’t even want to be there, if the familiar collars around their necks were any indication, so he should probably _try_ to be nice, you know, out of empathy.

Instead he went looking for something to do and ended up in the beach.

Dick started jogging along the surf but that didn’t last, his pace slowed until he was just dragging his feet along the wet clumpy sand.

Walking with the cold edges of the water slapping his legs made him miss the mornings teaching the twins how to swim and sitting with Jason and just talking freely. That was probably why he kept seeing Jason from the corner of his eye but every time he turned there was nobody there on the sand with him.

Just walking got boring so Dick sprawled out on the sand looking up at a slightly cloudy sky where grey and white shapes took up a myriad of forms. He felt cold and wondered when the weather changed so much, nobody seemed bothered but lately he was always cold, in fact he was shivering a little.

Truth be told, Dick felt like crap. The blinis had made him feel something vaguely positive for a little bit but now he just felt miserable and nervous, and so freaking cold.

He thought he saw Jason again but didn’t bother to check, just closed his eyes and tried to ignore the tricks of his brain for a little bit. It didn’t work, he could hear whispers over the waves and they made him nervous because he was pretty sure that was Talia’s voice and the last thing he wanted was to hear Talia… Right?

The damn alpha had been stuck in his head for a few days now and he couldn’t shake her, it made him want to jab a fork in his brain and scrape all of thought her out of it.

What right did she have to invade his brain when she wasn’t even there? Wasn’t it bad enough already that she had invaded his body and soul? Would it kill her to at least leave his thoughts alone?

A sharp jab in his lower abdomen had Dick gasping, but he didn’t even sit up, just curled up on the sand and forced himself to breathe through it. Just a cramp, a painful twist low in his stomach but nothing new, it happened from time to time since he got out of the cell.

Talia and the cell. Two things he couldn’t stop thinking about. Great. Dick’s brain was just full of sunshine and rainbows that morning for sure.

He huffed and closed his eyes, trying to think of something else, anything that might make him feel better. He couldn’t, he was cold and the cramp made him feel nauseous and he should probably get up and go back to the manor but…

A light slap to the face woke him up abruptly, Dick hadn’t even noticed he had passed out but a small hand was smacking him awake insistently and familiar voices were coming into focus.

Dick tried to shove whoever it was away and sit up his body wasn’t listening to him just yet, he felt limp like a ragdoll and even though there was sweat sticking his clothes to his body and the sun was bright and high in the sky he was still cold. What was wrong with him?

**“Baba, wake up!”**

**“Grayson, are you alright?”**

Finally, the voices started to make sense and it was enough to force Dick up, he dragged himself into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes, squinting against the sunlight and clearing his throat tiredly.

 **“I’m up, I’m up.”** Dick grumbled, running a hand through his sweaty hair and looking at everyone.

Damian had on his little annoyed scowl and Cosmo was giving Dick a penetrating look that seemed to pierce all the way down to his soul; Samir was crouching next to them with a concerned expression on his face.

 **“You looked like death warmed over.”** The other omega offered him a bottle of water and Dick took it, drinking greedily until he felt a little better.

 **“I feel like it too.”** He capped the bottle again and then forced himself to stretch and wake his sluggish body. **“What time is it?”**

 **“We still have about an hour before lunch. The tutor gave up for the day when Damian threw a pen at his eye.”** Samir explained with a mix of disapproval and amusement.

 **“Damian…”** Dick said in a warning tone.

 **“He yelled.”** The boy shrugged, his voice all cute and innocent like that was enough to justify bodily harm.

 **“That’s no excuse, you can’t just… Damian, get back here!”** Dick yelled but the child had run off already and both twins were now racing around the surf, chasing the waves. “Damn it.”

Dick pulled himself to his feet, grumbling tiredly and feeling gross and sweaty and achy but at least he wasn’t feeling as cold as before. Samir tried to help, looking nervous in the way all the nannies did lately when he caught them staring, the older omega reached up and pressed the back of his hand to Dick’s forehead and cheek for a moment.

 **“Do you need anything? You don’t look well.”** Samir’s gaze flickered from Dick’s eyes to his cheeks and then down to slightly shaky hands, he also seemed to discretely taking in the acrobat’s scent and Dick wondered what he smelled like in that moment other than sea salt, sweat and frustration.

 **“No, it’s ok. I feel better now.”** Dick smacked his own cheeks a little to make himself more alert and then turn to go join the boys. He wasn’t lying though, he didn’t feel _well_ but he certainly felt better than before he’d woken up on the beach.

The children were still running after the waves, retreating quickly before the foam could catch them and if it did they squealed and stumbled and ran faster along the shore.

Dick took to walking a few feet away, just watching them with fondness, hoping to forget how crappy he felt by pouring all his focus on the two little bundles of energy that made him think of a younger version of himself- a skinny flying Grayson dressed in colorful leotards and bouncing on a safety net, making the same little squealy noises.

A few minutes in, the twins stopped, they huddled together and crouched down with excited whispering from Damian and happy hand movements from Cosmo. Dick got curious and came to check on what they had found.

 **“Baba! Baba! Fish!”** Damian pointed at a blueish-green fish with iridescent scales that was flopping about and gasping wildly, slowly suffocating in the sand.

“Yes, Dami, but it needs to go back into the water.” Dick urged, hoping to save the poor thing.

 ** _“Wanna keep it.”_** Damian scooped the fish up more gently than he’d ever done anything and looked up hopefully at Dick.

**_“You can’t.”_ **

**_“Why?”_** The boy frowned, looking disappointed and stubborn.

 ** _“Because it’s dying.”_** Dick tried to push the child carefully closer to the water’s edge. **_“Toss him back. Fish can’t live out here, the same way you can’t breathe in the water.”_**

 ** _“Why?”_** Damian remained stubborn but his disappointment shifted into confusion.

**_“Dami, I’ll explain later just put it into the water quickly.”_ **

Damian hesitated, gently clutched the squirming slippery animal to his chest for a second before he relented and toddled forward to toss the fish into the water, reluctantly and sad.

They watched the teal scales disappear under the next wave but it had had been too late and the fish washed back near their feet as the white foam receded. It wasn’t flopping or gasping anymore, it was just limp, still, and very dead.

Cosmo poked at the fish and then jumped back and scrambled away, Damian crouched down again with a mournful expression and then glanced up at Dick.

“Not moving.” The boy pointed at the little unfortunate animal.

“It’s dead, baby bat.” Dick sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Is it gonna wake up?” Damian looked from Dick back to the fish, voice guileless and hopeful.

“No, baby, that’s not how death works.” He shook his head and could keep his face from falling.

Sooner or later this had to happen, the boys had to learn about life and death as more than just a vague idea spoken by the adults around them or spelled out in books. In a way it was good that it was just a fish, knowing Talia, the first time the kids faced death could have been a human, it could have been Dick himself.

Damian looked back down at the fish, he picked it up and cradled it, deep in thought. **_“I hurt it?”_**

Dick hesitated, he didn’t want boy to feel bad. **_“...It was going to die anyway even if you didn’t do anything, Dami.”_**

The kid looked at the cold creature in his hands for another long, confused moment and then out of the blue he burst into tears. Dick gave another tiny sad sigh and kneeled on the wet sand next to his son, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

**_“Don’t be sad, Dami.”_ **

Damian didn’t answer and just cried harder, leaning into Dick’s arms; Cosmo got distressed too and moved close to nuzzle his brother’s cheek in an attempt at comfort. Dick held them both and sat with them quietly until the distraught sobs tapered off into sniffles, it took a while.

It was a good thing the tide was lowering or they would have ended up soaked, as it was they sat in the damp sand, hearing the rhythmic swooshing heartbeat of the waves until Damian finally relented and let go of the fish.

 **“Baba?”** Covered in wet sand and still teary-eyed, Damian looked up at his father.

“Hm?” Dick made a questioning sound, reaching up to wipe the child’s face and pulling both boys into his lap.

 **“Why do things die?”** Even though he fully expected the question, Damian’s soft words still caught him off guard with how tiny and lost they sounded. He saw Samir balk several feet away and watch them with plenty of intrigue.

 **“Nothing is forever, Dami. Everything that lives eventually dies, it’s just how nature works, nothing new can be born if other things don’t die.”** Dick decided it was better to keep it simple and to the point, he knew the kids would understand someday even if it confused them now.

 **“I gonna die?”** Damian didn’t sound scared per se, mostly he sounded cautious.

 **“Not for a long, long, _long_ time, baby bat. You don’t have to think about it yet.”** Dick kissed the boy’s forehead and ruffled Cosmo’s hair too. He desperately hoped he wasn’t lying to them.

 **“You gonna die?”** Now _that_ seemed to scare Damian.

Dick wished more than anything that he could comfort the boys on that question but he wouldn’t lie, it would be better if the twins were prepared for that loss, it would feel less like abandonment if they knew it was coming.

**“…Yes.”**

**“When?”** Damian looked startled and his baby scent spelled out anxiety and made Dick sick to his stomach.

 **“I don’t know.”** He admitted honestly, pulling both children a little closer to his chest. He spotted Samir watching them from nearby, collecting seashells from the sand as a way to give them some privacy.

 **“Why not?”** Damian’s brow scrunched, a frustrated frown for not getting the answer he wanted.

 **“Most people don’t know when they’ll die, Dami. They could get sick or very hurt or they can just get really old, it can be slow or it can just happen suddenly. There’s no use thinking about it too much, we just have to focus on living and enjoying the time we have.”** Dick was pretty sure he was paraphrasing his own father at this point, he had a vague memory of having a conversation like that when he was little.

**“Dead can’t wake up?”**

**“It’s not like sleeping, Damian. The body stops working, and whatever is inside that makes people alive just goes away, it’s forever.”** Dick emphasized his words by placing a hand on Damian’s chest, the steady little heartbeat thudding softly under his palm.

He wasn’t sure the kids understood, and boy, was their question loaded, considering they lived with Al Ghuls and there was definitely a Lazarus Pit somewhere in the island. However, Dick didn’t want to confuse them with talk of magical resurrections, they needed to understand the consequences of death and the rules of life, not how some people cheated at the game.

Still, he felt the need to soften the blow because the twins’ scents were becoming something distraught and they looked mildly terrified.

**“It’s not always a bad thing- somethings die so others can eat and live, some things die so more can be born. The fish needs to die so the bigger fish can eat, sometimes one person needs to die to save many more.”**

**“Don’t wanna die.”** Damian muttered, not so much in fear (though it was there) as much as stubbornness.

**“Nobody does, Dami, but it’s how life works, if we didn’t die someday we wouldn’t be able to appreciate how precious life is.”**

**“How?”** Damian tilted his head like he was issuing a challenge and Dick had to stop and think of a good analogy for this, something that would make sense to a toddler.

 **“If you never ran out of cake, wouldn’t you get tired of eating it all the time?”** He waited for the boy to think and nod. **“So that means you like cake more because you know it runs out, right?”**

Damian considered this, seemed to be chewing on the idea for a little bit, and then nodded. He was only a little bit confused as to why they were talking about food suddenly.

 **“That’s what life is like, it’s special because it runs out.”** Dick explained and watched the light of understanding dawn on the boy’s face, he was so smart and Dick so proud it felt like his chest was filled to the brim. **“That’s why being alive is special, that’s why we need to hold onto it tight and enjoy all of it.”**

Damian nodded again and went quiet for a bit before he looked up at his father and blurted out something that gutted Dick completely and had him gritting his teeth to control himself.

**“Mama said Al Ghul kill.”**

**“She did.”** He nodded, reluctant and growing irritated just by the mention of Talia. **“Do you know what that means?”**

**“Make someone dead?”**

**“Yes, that’s it. Hurting someone badly enough that they die.”**

**“I have to kill?”** It was unclear what Damian was feeling and the innocence in his tone was chilling.

“No!” Dick snapped and growled and saw the boys flinch, forcing him to take a calming breath. He decided to stick to Romanes for this part, didn’t think Samir would agree with his point of view otherwise and it was the language of secret between him and the boys.

 ** _“I mean, Talia wants you to learn how and it’s important that you know_ how _but you don’t have to do it for real. Killing is bad, Dami, very bad. People don’t come back from the dead…”_** Dick hesitated, trailing off and giving Cosmo a nervous glance before letting out a tired breath, he felt like a hypocrite. **_“Well, they’re not supposed to come back. So, killing is bad because it means hurting others, you can’t ever take it back and shouldn’t do it unless you don’t have a choice.”_**

 ** _“But mama said…”_** Damian began, confused and as confrontational as always but completely devoid of malice.

 ** _“Talia is not a nice person, Dami. You should listen to her because she’s a grown-up and she’s… she’s your… your mother…”_** Dick wanted to gag on those words, felt them like poison burning his tongue but forced himself to keep going. **_“But that doesn’t mean you have to be like her, you can choose to be better.”_**

The boys didn’t seem to truly understand the point he was trying to make, he was sure they were confused, who wouldn’t be with such a mixed message? Dick needed them to be obedient to Talia for their own good but he couldn’t help sabotaging her teachings, he wanted them to be good people, wanted them to learn that Talia was wrong.

Nonetheless, Damian nodded and Cosmo stayed as quiet as always as the three of them sat there. Samir was gauging whether or not they were done talking, it was probably lunch time and he looked eager to get them all moving back to the manor and out of their sandy damp clothes (Dick wanted that too, he was starting to feel colder again).

 ** _“Come on. Let’s eat.”_** Dick got up and tugged the boys along with him, taking their hands into his and walking along the water’s edge as they made their way back to the manor.

The twins didn’t fight him, in fact they were happy holding on to his hands and pulling him with more energy than he could match, they were unusually quiet though. Samir trailed behind, still picking up the occasional shell and carrying a whole pile of them nestled in edge of his tunic.

They reached the end of the beach and started climbing up the rough jungle path; Cosmo tripped and Samir reached for him before Dick could, the boy took an immediate interest in all the colorful tinkling seashells so the older omega handed him a few and took the lead, walking with the boy and babbling about lunch and how they needed to clean up first.

Damian tugged on Dick’s sleeve, making him slow down and look at older twin.

 **“What if I choose wrong?”** The boy asked, sounding much older than Dick had ever heard him and he had to remind himself that this child was smarter than anyone gave him credit for, himself included.

 **“What?”** Dick was confused, not sure what the kid was referring to.

 **“Mama says… If I do as mama says, you gonna hate me, baba?”** Damian wouldn’t look at him, sounded so nervous and sad.

“Oh.” Dick understood, he had confused the kids.

Talia was terrifying and she was their alpha, they were too scared to disobey her and Dick had basically just told them they had to do just that if they wanted to be better people than her. He bent down to gently tip Damian’s chin and make the boy look at him as he gave a soft (defeated) smile.

“…No, Dami. I could never hate you.”

*

Dick hoped he wouldn’t have to talk about death again any time soon, he had spent the whole afternoon after the fish incident obsessing over the whole conversation and wondering if he hadn’t screwed up, if he didn’t say anything that would came back to bite him in the ass if the twins let it slip to Talia.

He was so immersed in those thoughts and feeling so shaky that he hadn’t eaten lunch again, he’d let the boys go to the kitchens with Samir while he stood in the shower long after all the sand was washed away, zoning out under the hot water because it made him just a little less cold.

When he came back to himself he was dressed and in the dojo, with no recollection of how he got there and standing in front of a mu ren zhuang dummy only vaguely conscious of why his hands, arms and shins were bruised to all hell. As far dissociation goes it could have been worse, at least he been doing something productive.

The kids marched in a little later and he tried his best to train them under Ravi’s watchful eyes, it was sword day but Dick had never liked that particular style (though he was forced to teach it) so he kept losing focus. He was tired and on edge, hot and cold all at once and mildly nauseous from anxiety, he couldn’t stop thinking of what Talia would do to him if she had heard what he’d said to the twins.

Thoughts of punishment turned into thoughts of Talia just being there, of her scent and her skin and the sheer power of her presence, and he hated himself for how much he wanted her back. It made no sense, he hated her so much that the thought of her was like a hot molten ball of lead in his chest so how could he miss her?

Ghost showed up hoping to spar, and Dick felt compelled to say yes because he had to, right? He couldn’t just deny the man something after everything Dusan had done for him, could he? He had been the one to start the sparring thing in the first place, was he even allowed to say no now?

They didn’t get far though, Ghost took one good look at Dick and shook his head, asked him if he wanted help with the boys instead. Dick was so grateful for the out that he accepted immediately, he was sure he would have been pinned in ten seconds flat with how crappy he felt and Ghost really was so good with a sword that the twins could benefit from learning from him.

Dusan was very patient, he was strict with the boys but never once raised his voice even when he snapped at them, he even got Cosmo to show interest in training with his little bokken and he didn’t even have to scare him into it the way Talia would. Dick watched them, intervening every once in a while but mostly just spacing out and watching the afternoon go by in slow motion.

It was over by sunset and Naima showed up with juice for the boys, she almost turned right around and left when she saw Ghost (all the nannies seemed pretty terrified of him for whatever reason) but the twins saw her and rushed to her side before she could escape.

*

It was a bad idea, Dick knew it was a bad idea but that wasn’t going to stop him.

It was almost midnight and he couldn’t sleep, he’d tried but the nightmare that reared its head as soon as he dozed off had him waking up so freaked out that he nearly emptied the contents of his stomach right there on the bed. He had dreamt of Talia claiming him, felt it and saw it all with a level of clarity he had not had at the time.

In the end, Dick decided he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon and got up to pace away the dread and try to pull himself away from the edge of a panic attack.

He ended up walking around the empty hallways for no reason in particular other than moving, his nerves crackling with pent up stress and he was feeling cold enough to get goosebumps again. Dick needed an outlet, and since he was too tired and shaky to go vent in the dojo, he wondered what else he could do.

Dick hated feeling sickly like that- not bad enough to know what was wrong but enough to be uncomfortable all the time. Unfortunately, he didn’t care enough to fix it in the long run, couldn’t bring himself to care, figured it was all just the constant anxiety and sleep deprivation finally wearing him down. More than anything, Dick just wanted something to dull it all, fighting and sparring weren’t cutting it anymore.

That was when the stupid idea came to him and had him stalking down to the kitchens.

There were guards, nobody could see them but Dick could feel them and he could tell they were there; however, the rest of the staff was gone, they were usually pretty invisible themselves but at that hour they were all asleep. It didn’t matter, he wasn’t breaking any rules.

Alcohol wasn’t a common thing in the League from what Dick had learned, so far the only time he saw it for sure was in Ghost’s room but he was ninety percent certain he’d seen Ra’s drink wine so he figured there was no harm in looking around.

He found nothing in the kitchen- not in the cupboards, fridge, pantry or shelves.

Out of frustration, Dick slammed his hands on the counter, curling them into fists when they wouldn’t stop shaking, but he hadn’t gone in with high hopes anyway so he took a slow breath to center himself and decided to give up on the booze, he could always look for something stronger in the infirmary.

“I thought that was you.” A voice nearly made him jump, not many people could sneak up on Nightwing and catch him off guard like that even if he was distracted.

Dick turned and found White Ghost standing by the doorframe, snowy hair loose and wearing equally pale thobe, it all made him look very much like an actual specter haunting the hallways and the thought nearly made Dick chuckle.

“Hey.” He greeted lamely, unsure of what to say. “For the record, I’m not breaking any rules.”

“I never said otherwise.” Ghost walked up to him and glanced around. “What exactly were you looking for?”

“Nothing important.” Dick shrugged and avoided looking the man’s way.

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“Alcohol.” He muttered and crossed his arms defensively. “Feel free to judge me.”

“I’m not.” Ghost gave a shrug too but it was casual and his tone was filled with understanding.

Dusan beckoned Dick to follow him into the pantry where he tugged a dusty rug out of the way to reveal a trapdoor that he hadn’t noticed before, it opened into a small cellar with rows upon rows of beehive shelves filled with bottles. It was terribly claustrophobic and Dick just wanted to get the hell out as fast as possible.

“Anything in particular you want?” Ghost waved at the shelves, it was a little daunting to be faced with that much variety when he hadn’t had hope of finding anything at all.

“Not really, just something to take the edge off.” Dick traced his fingers along dusty bottles with labels in foreign languages and filled with a rainbow of different liquids.

He started second guessing his own dumb decision, he wasn’t a drinker and if he chose wrong he might just end up blackout drunk and he couldn’t risk lowering his guard like that no matter how tempting it was.

Ghost just nodded and picked a bottle from one of the lower shelves- large, old, dark green glass and definitely filled with wine.

They returned to the wide open space of the kitchen and Dick had a fleeting thought that he might never be comfortable in tight places again but he brushed it aside and sat right on the kitchen counter when he heard the loud pop of a cork. He watched Ghost pick some glasses from a cabinet and pour wine unceremoniously.

Dick accepted a glass and took a sip. It wasn’t bad, a little flowery and nutty and not at all to his taste since all he could focus on was the bitterness but, then again, he knew almost nothing about wine other than what he used to hear from pretentious rich people at galas when he was a teenager so he could have been drinking the worst swivel in existence and not know the difference between that and high end cabernet.

“I’m going to be honest- I have no idea if this is good stuff or not. I hope you didn’t waste anything expensive on me.” Dick smiled joylessly and drained the glass completely.

“Not a waste if I am drinking it too.” Ghost refilled Dick’s glass and then leaned on the counter next to him, sipping his own drink. “Why the sudden craving?”

“Would you believe I just got bored and wanted a change of pace?”

“No.”

“Too bad.” Dick took another long drink, swallowing up almost half the glass in one go, he didn’t want to explain himself.

“At least slow down a little and attempt to enjoy it.” Ghost gave a little chuckle, low and playful as he unconsciously licked the taste of wine from his own lips.

Dick blushed and had no idea why, he blamed on the small amount of booze and took another swig to hide his reaction but he _did_ slow down a bit. Ghost stared at him anyway even though he made no comment.

A comfortable silence fell between them, broken only by the occasional clink and slosh of the bottle against the glasses when Dick would nudge Ghost for more. It wasn’t long before he felt warmer than he had been in days and his senses dulled just enough that he didn’t feel like he was permanently in fight or flight more, it wasn’t exactly what he expected but it wasn’t bad.

“I hear you have been skipping meals.” Ghost suddenly broke the silence, his voice low and perfectly neutral; he swiveled his glass and started into the burgundy liquid.

“I highly doubt that was assassin gossip so I’m going to guess you’ve been asking about me.” Dick grinned as cheekily as he could but completely dodged the question.

“Perhaps.” Ghost acquiesced and stared at Dick over the edge of his glass. “Did you eat dinner today?”

“Why? Are you going to feed me again?” Dick teased because he just didn’t want to answer, he hadn’t had dinner but it hadn’t been on purpose, he’d just been too uncomfortable and nauseous for it.

“I might.” Ghost surprised him, not because of the answer itself but because he sounded playful and pleased by the prospect rather than judgmental.

“Why?” Dick almost laughed at the reaction.

“Drinking on an empty stomach is not advisable.” Ghost admonished mockingly and not at all serious. “And since I facilitated the drinking, I feel responsible.”

“Such a gentleman.” Dick mocked just as much and made a little toasting gesture with his glass.

“Hardly.” Ghost stalked closer, placing himself between Dick’s legs, so close that their faces were mere inches apart. “Gentlemen do not have ulterior motives.”

“Oh?” Dick cocked a brow, curious by the sudden flirtation, and leaned closer too, tilting his head slightly as if daring the man to kiss him. “And what would yours be?”

“Simple…” Ghost smiled, that small amused smile that seemed to be an Al Ghul staple, and then deadpanned- “Food. I am hungry.”

For two whole seconds, Dick stared dumbfounded before he snorted and burst out laughing much too hard for a sober person. Ghost chuckled too and finally stepped out of Dick’s personal space to make his way to fridge, looking around for something to eat.

Dick didn’t even object on the food because he was still laughing as the older man set several things on the counter next to him, including leftovers and vegetables, and then went rummaging in the pantry for more ingredients; when he returned he set out a plate with flatbread, cracked a jar open and poured the contents into a bowl that he handed to Dick.

“Not much prepared so I have to make something, in the meantime we can…What’s the word? Snack? Yes, snack on these.”

The bowl was filled with shiny round yellow pods, beans of some sort, and Dick had absolutely no idea how to eat them so he glanced back up at Ghost and jiggled the bowl. “What are these exactly?”

Dusan stared at him like he had just grown a second head, his mouth hanging open and his eyes bugging out. “You never had tormos before?”

“Not that I recall…?” Dick shrugged apologetically.

“Unbelievable.” Ghost’s slack-jawed surprise turned into a chuckle. “I do not know what they are called in English but they are a common treat for us, in Mediterranean Europe they are also a drinking snack, hence why I thought them appropriate.”

“How do you eat these?” Dick picked one up and examined it, it was cool and slippery and a bit hard.

“Like this.” Ghost picked one up, bit into it lightly to crack open the translucent skin, the yellow interior slipped right out and he chewed on it slowly while discarding the clear shell.

Dick didn’t feel like eating but he was curious so he copied the action with far less elegance and ended up shredding the bean’s skin, though he managed to pop the edible part into his mouth and chewed. He hadn’t expected it to be crunchy, it was also salty and a bit bitter but somehow the flavors worked well together.

“Ok, it’s not bad.” Dick admitted as he grabbed a second one to munch on.

Ghost smiled, delighted that his offering was deemed acceptable; he popped another bean into his mouth and returned to the other ingredients that he proceeded to wash, chop and prepare very meticulously. Occasionally, Ghost would reach out and Dick would extend the bowl so the man could swipe another yellow pod.

They talked of nothing in particular in between sips of wine, mostly remarks about how the twins were doing in their training and little tidbits about their own learning experiences growing up. By the way the man reminisced Dick figured out Ghost probably wasn’t as old as he had initially assumed but he could be wrong, either way he didn’t really give a damn, Ghost could be centennial and it wouldn’t change a thing.

Eventually, they migrated to the kitchen table, Dick nursing a new glass of wine while Ghost mentioned he had gotten news about Mara’s training and even a few videos and photos of her from her nannies, he always avoided talking too much about the girl and Dick understood why, it was clearly a painful topic, but the news must have been good because he was pleased and more chatty than usual.

Dick was surprised by how much he liked hearing Ghost talk like that. The man was always so restrained with his emotions, not awkward or avoidant like Bruce but controlled and proud like Talia, and yet in that moment he sounded so at ease, so loving and passionate talking about his little girl that it was a pleasure to just listen to him, it was almost relaxing... Or maybe that was the wine talking, Dick couldn’t tell for sure.

At long last the food was done, Ghost had made some sort of sandwiches with pita bread, leftover lamb, tomato and onions, there were also bowls of something with chickpeas, pine nuts, lemon, olive oil and garlic. Plenty of spices too. All pretty simple and quick but that _looked_ fancy with little decorative sprigs of parsley and served so neatly on mismatched dishware.

“I never thought I’d see an Al Ghul cook.” Dick teased and took one of the sandwiches, biting into it cautiously just in case the looks were deceiving; it was delicious and made him realize he was he was hungrier than he thought. “Alright, you win, this is really good.”

Ghost didn’t answer but he had a very self-satisfied smile on his lips as he bit into his own sandwich and watched Dick with a fondness so earnest that the younger man had to look away. He couldn’t figure out what that look meant, he assumed he was tipsy and misreading the whole atmosphere.

The bottle of wine ran out and Ghost went to get another while Dick ate the chickpea dish and swallowed the last dregs from his glass. Maybe the alcohol had turned out to be a good idea, it had even gotten him eat, then again, the easy banter with Ghost might have helped.

“Does this count as a dinner date?” Dick asked, just to tease, when Ghost returned to refill his glass.

Dusan was so stunned by the question that he missed the glass and spilled wine on the table and Dick had to reach out to dab it up with a dishrag before it could stain all over the older man’s white clothing. He laughed at the reaction though, softly as to not be mean.

“Then again, what is it? Like one? Two A.M.? Maybe this counts more like breakfast.” Dick grinned and guzzled down half a glass before returning to the last bites of his sandwich. “Aren’t people supposed to cook you breakfast only _after_ they sleep with you?”

It was a joke, of course, Dick felt like his verbal filter had melted in the booze currently marinating his brain, but Ghost choked so hard on his own wine that it was a miracle he once again avoided wrecking his clothes.

“Careful, I don’t think _wine_ is what you’re supposed to spill all over yourself on a date, if you know what I mean.” Dick mocked lewdly and laughed again, he hadn’t laughed so earnestly in a long time and didn’t even care how lightheaded and flushed he felt.

Ghost blushed viciously and seemed at loss for words, the big bad assassin was always so adorable when he turned red all the way up to his ears and it made Dick want to keep teasing him, it made him feel strangely powerful to be able to incite such a reaction.

“I believe you might have had a little too much to drink.” Ghost muttered, digging into what little food he had left to avoid looking at Dick.

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Dusan.” He purred the name, draining the rest of his glass, having already lost count of how many he had downed. Dick was starting to see what all the fuss about alcohol was about.

Ghost huffed but watched him, still affectionate though a little concerned when Dick reached for the bottle again.

Dick drank some more, the wine didn’t really taste like anything anymore but that didn’t matter so long as the warmth was there. He was still giggly and lightheaded even as Ghost finished his food and started cleaning up, it occurred to Dick that he should be helping but, before he could get up to do so, Dusan was already finishing up and returning to the table and his own drink.

“Next time I’ll do the cooking.” Dick announced without thinking, gesturing with his glass so the burgundy liquid sloshed dangerously around the edge.

“Next time?” Ghost sounded hopeful but hid it in the last sip of his wine.

“Yup. I’m a terrible no-good cook though, just so you know.” Dick scrunched up his face in exaggerated thought. “Or you could just eat me up instead, _that_ I’m good at.”

Ghost actually dropped his glass that time and fumbled to catch it before it shattered on the tiled floor, he was blushing so violently that Dick was almost worried he was going to spontaneously combust and that made him giggle with glee.

He reached for the bottle again but Ghost was faster and pushed it carefully out of reach with an apologetic grimace.

“That is enough for today. Let us get you to bed before you say anything else you will regret.”

“Get me to bed? You’re making this too easy, big D.” Dick chuckled and leaned closer over the table, completely unaware of how intensely he was broadcasting his own pheromones, he raised a hand to trace Ghost’s jaw with the tip of his finger. “Speaking of big D…” He glanced down at Ghost’s lap and cocked a brow suggestively.

Ghost didn’t move, he was stunned silent, still flushed a fiery red and his scent spiked, filling the room with sweet soft notes of omega arousal and something deeper and harder to read. Dusan then swallowed thickly, mesmerized by Dick’s sultry tone and tipsy smile as he reached up to grab Dick’s hand and turn it, placing a soft little kiss onto his palm.

 **“You are temptation incarnate.”** Dusan murmured into Dick’s skin and glanced at his entrancing sapphire eyes for a long moment until the tension between became thick and cloying.

Before anything else could happen, Ghost let go and got up, he put the remaining wine away and returned with a bottle of water that he insisted Dick drink, saying he would thank him for it in the morning. He also insisted in escorting the younger (wobblier) man all the way back to his room with a hand planted warmly on Dick’s lower back for support.

Dick argued a little but not much, it was hard to argue when everything Ghost said and every touch he gave made Dick conjure up yet another salacious pun just for the pleasure of seeing the man flustered; he felt a little woozy and like he could float away if not for Ghost’s touch anchoring him to the moment and they arrived at his room much too soon for his liking.

“Thanks for the date, Casper. Here’s your goodnight kiss.” Dick grinned and leaned close to place a light peck to Ghost’s lips before the man could refuse.

It was chaste and barely qualified as a kiss at all but those plush lips still tasted like wine and Dick chased the taste for a second too long. Ghost’s blush hadn’t faded yet but his eyes widened a little and licked his lips without thinking, the slightest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Dick took in the reaction and his expression softened into something more sober and honest, his grin turning little sad. “I mean it, thanks for the company and laughs, Dusan.”

“I am the one who should be thanking you.” Ghost replied, all cryptic and earnest and refusing to explain himself further as he brushed Dick’s disheveled hair from his face. “Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghost made arayes and balila. Tormos are lupini beans (or as they are called in my country- tremoços).
> 
> Did the twins really understand the lesson or will they have more questions? How will Dick's teachings impact their education?  
> Has Dick stumbled on another bad coping mechanism? Is this a one time thing? How will he handle how weird he's been feeling?
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> What do you think is coming? What do you think is foreshadowing? What would you like to see (other than a rescue)? Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Remember: Comments are my only reward for my work, they give me life and motivate me to write faster.


	30. Medusa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes bedtime stories are worse than violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: English vs **Arabic** vs **_Romanes_**
> 
> This is a bit of a transition chapter, which is why it feel filler-ish. Shit starts hitting the fan after the next chapter and the plot starts moving a little faster after that.  
> The next chapter is almost done too and should be up in a day or two.

Dick always heard that hangovers were awful- Roy liked to bitch about them a lot and say that he’d ‘rather avoid the hangover by staying drunk’ and there had be the rare occasions where Bruce would be unable to fake his drinking at some social event and had to deal with his ‘skull splitting migraine’ the next morning.

Dick was pretty sure he had gotten hammered with Ghost, not black out drunk because he still remembered everything and wasn’t _too_ mortified by his actions, but intoxicated enough that he had little control of himself. And yet, the next morning brought a headache and some nausea but it really wasn’t a big deal compared to what he already felt all the time anyway.

All in all, it wasn’t enough to stop Dick from doing it again. For a few brief hours he had felt free, for a little bit he hadn’t been paranoid or cared about where he was, for those glorious intoxicated moments he had almost felt like the original carefree Dick Grayson.

Hangovers were overrated.

The only thing that could have possibly been a deterrent (but wasn’t) was that it made him sleep like a rock and that meant he couldn’t stop the dreams from coming and hated that all he saw in them was Talia, the alpha was all over him and her voice burrowed under his skin even after he woke up. It made him feel beyond sick.

The rest of that day had followed the usual routine and although the cold shivers and cramps attacked again in the afternoon it didn’t distract him from making plans for his next boozy adventure.

He wondered what Ghost would do if Dick really did get black out drunk, then again he didn’t even know if he could get that inebriated in the first place since he had never tried, somehow the prospect didn’t worry him near as much as it should.

Not that he trusted Ghost. He didn’t, not really, he didn’t trust anyone anymore but once upon a time reading people had been part of his job and he knew Dusan cared about him, knew the man had a vested personal interest in keeping him alive, and that was enough for him to lower his guard and let himself be vulnerable every so often.

And hey, if White Ghost really did end up taking advantage of anything if he ever got shitfaced enough to pass out, Dick honestly didn’t give a damn, he didn’t feel like he had any dignity left to lose anyway so as far as he was concerned- if he didn’t remember then it didn’t really happen.

The little dinner date had been days before though and Dick felt more on edge than ever. He was cold and shaky all the time now, his gut permanently assaulted by a dull ache, he was anxious and oddly sensitive to the point that he felt horribly uncomfortable when any adult touched him, even the twins seemed to sense it though they didn’t know what to do about it.

The thing is, all the discomfort had creeped up so slowly in increments that he had no idea when it had become so intense. It didn’t make a difference though, Dick was so used to feeling terrible that it all seemed like background noise and he would rather not analyze it, at least it was better than the quiet room but everything was better than that.

It got him angry though, moody in a way that was very hard to control. Dick craved _something_ , wanted _something_ so badly when the aches hit but he couldn’t decide what it was so he chalked it up to his messed up brain and kept himself busy.

And then someone decided to test his very limited patience.

Ra’s wasn’t around, rumor had it he had gone to America, and for some reason the ninjas he had left in charge of guarding the boys had suddenly grown bold and obnoxious rather than just quiet and strict.

It was odd considering that they were generally incredibly disciplined and too dedicated to the family to be disrespectful, but the guards kept pushing the kids around and trying to make them angry, it worked way too well on Damian and stressed Cosmo out.

Dick knew they were doing it but it took him a couple of days to actually catch them at it and when he did he didn’t think the situation through, didn’t analyze the change in behavior as well as he should have.

When Dick walked into the dojo that afternoon, Cosmo was huddled on the floor with Damian standing over him, guarding him rebelliously with a little wooden sword and screaming his little red face off in anger as four ninjas surrounded them. Ravi and a Samir stood far away in the sidelines, watching and looking deeply uncomfortable.

The smell of posturing alpha was thick in the air and soured by a hint of urine.

 **“What is going on here?!”** Dick yelled, he’d only been away from the kids for twenty minutes and something had already managed to happen.

He figured out quickly that the alpha guards where bullying the kids about something and trying to make them submit; their scents would have frightened any child but their looming and verbal jeers made it worse and the boys couldn’t escape, even though Damian kept whacking the adults with his sword whenever they got close enough. Cosmo had apparently peed his pants and whether that was out of fear or the reason for the mockery in the first place, it was unclear.

Either way, the alphas were humiliating the twins and nobody was doing anything about it.

The situation escalated quickly, Dick knew he was about to pick a fight and had the foresight to order the kids to go back to the room with Samir but they wouldn’t budge, so he let them stay while he kicked the first guard, the one that seemed to be leading the assault, right in the face.

The ninjas were good warriors, of course they were, Ra’s would never leave his heirs with mediocre fighters, but even sick Dick was better and he had _motivation_.

Less than fifteen minutes later all four ninjas were sprawled on the ground- two were completely unconscious with assorted injuries ranging from a dislocated shoulder to an obvious concussion, one guy was groaning and clutching a very broken leg, and the last guy was pinned under Dick as the omega punched his face in until there was a spatter of blood all over Dick’s knuckles and cheek and the guy was knocked out with a broken nose and jaw.

When Dick finally stood back up after beating the alphas into oblivion he was breathing heavily, panting more out of rage than exertion and still wound tight enough that he growled and looked around for more of a fight. Nobody dared come close until his posture relaxed enough that he didn’t look about to blow his lid at the slightest provocation.

That was when he spotted White Ghost standing by the furthest door, he had a look that was a mix of confusion and… Well, Dick wasn’t sure what that other emotion was and he couldn’t find a word for it so he catalogued it as ‘heart eyes’.

Still fuming, he wiped the red spatter off his face with his sleeve and turned to the kids, crouching down to check on them. Damian looked star-struck and started rambling unintelligibly about what had happened, Cosmo just whimpered and curled into Dick’s arms, prompting him to grab both toddlers and get them out of there.

Dick turned his gaze to Ravi and Samir and asked them why they hadn’t intervened, yelling and only keeping himself from cursing them out because he didn’t really know how to do that in Arabic.

Ravi calmly stated he could not intervene even though he seemed unhappy about it and Samir just looked ashamed and by his submissive scent and the way he had his head bowed and his arms wrapped around himself it was clear his omega instincts had told him not to mess with the posturing alphas.

Ghost stepped in then and told Dick he’d handle the guards, just said that and nothing else, to which Dick gave a curt nod and got out of there in record time.

Cosmo needed to be cleaned up and was too upset to do anything afterwards but Damian had gone from angry to excited and absolutely thrilled, babbling about the fight and staring at his father in awe, which gave Dick mixed feelings because beating the crap out of the alphas felt great and he wanted to bask in the boy’s admiration but he also didn’t want Damian to be so enthusiastic about violence.

If Dick weren’t too pissed off to think straight he would have realized right away from context clues that all the bullying was just manipulation, that Ra’s or Talia wanted to toughen up the boys or goad Dick into training them more aggressively, or both. Probably both.

As it was, the afternoon ended with Dick teaching the kids outside and showing Damian very basic defense moves that a smaller person could use against bigger opponents- how to break fingers with minimal strength, using momentum and inertia to trip larger attackers, feigning and dodging, eye gouging, disorienting adversaries by attacking open spots like ears and shins and groin.

Dick had been trying so hard to teach the twins with fun and games, wanted to ingrain a sense of morality into them as he ensured the different basics he was teaching would become muscle memory long before they ever learned how to use the moves in a practical setting.

However, in that moment he threw all that out the window and decided that if the League wanted to toughen up his boys that badly then he’d show the world how tough Nightwing’s children could really be.

*

“…should’ve done more than cracking his freaking jaw!” Dick yelled, far too loudly considering that it was the middle of the night. “God damn it, they’re children, Dusan!”

“I know, Richard.” Ghost replied patiently, taking a sip of his drink.

“Adults bullying toddlers! What the hell?!” Dick exploded again, spilling some amber liquid from his own glass as he gestured wildly. They had already been at this for an hour and Dick had barely calmed down.

“I know, Richard.” Ghost repeated for the sixth time that evening.

They hadn’t exactly arranged to meet but Dick had been so steamed about the situation with the kids earlier that Dusan correctly deduced that he would find the younger man in the kitchen that night. They were currently sitting at the table (Ghost was, Dick was _on_ the actual table in a very sloppy lotus pose) and chatting heatedly.

There had been no food that evening, just drinks while Dick vented. The choice of beverage this time was something amber and similar to wine but sweeter and stronger with some foreign name that Dick had already forgotten.

“I just wanna…” He trailed off with a snarl while making strangling gestures with his hands.

“I am amazed you did not kill them.” Ghost’s tone was neutral but there was roguish glint in his eye and a mischievous tug on the corners of his lips. “I would have.”

“I don’t kill.” Dick retorted automatically, downing the rest of his drink and already refilling the glass before his voice took on a disdainful tone. “But, oh, do they tempt me.”

“You possess remarkable self-control.” Ghost smiled, it was casual and infatuated and caused Dick to backtrack and realize what the man had said before.

“Wait, what did you do to them?”

“It is of no consequence but you will not be seeing that group again.” Ghost gave him a sharp look and then evaded his eyes altogether, staring instead into the bottom of his glass. “Unfortunately, I cannot promise that the situation will not repeat itself.”

“They have orders to act like that, don’t they?” Dick growled and watched the other man glower, answering the question with just the shift in expression. “Can’t you order them to stop?”

“I do not have that level of authority.” Ghost clicked his tongue and Dick wasn’t sure he would have helped even if did have the authority, not if the order came from Ra’s. “I did once warn you that the master would attempt to harden the children.”

“And the asshole can’t even do it himself, he just sics his dogs on babies.” Dick growled even more and slammed his glass down beside him.

“You should be grateful, if he were to do it himself… Some submission and a little taunting would be least of their worries.” Ghost still sounded calm and impartial but the hesitation in his words was like a siren, setting off all sorts of alarms in Dick’s head.

“Did he do it to you?”

“Why do you ask?” Ghost frowned into his drink and took a sip but Dick didn’t answer, just stared at him pointedly and expectantly until the older man muttered lowly- “He did not acknowledge my existence enough to be bothered.”

“Then how do you know?” Dick snapped, irritated, abandoning his drink for moment to run his hands through his hair and then let them settle around the back of his neck, which felt stiff and achy.

“Just because he did not do it to me personally, does not mean I did not see it.”

“Do I want to know?” Dick huffed, beyond annoyed and filled with sinking dread.

“You do not.”

A small silence followed those words, during which Dick’s frustration grew further, as did the desire to punch something. He was hunched in on himself, hands still around his neck and wishing he could stop the slight tremble in his whole body. The alcohol was helping to warm him and loosen the tight high-strung wire of anxiety that were his nerves but he still felt sick, barely holding on to his anger as a distraction from his own body.

“If anyone messes with the twins again, I won’t hold back.”

“I would expect nothing less.” Ghost raised his glass slightly, as if giving a tiny toast in approval, but after a small swallow of his drink he paused to stare at Dick with a tight grimace. “Would you please stop doing that?”

“Doing what?” Dick glanced at him without moving.

“Tt.” Ghost clicked his tongue again and stood in from of him, reaching up to pull Dick’s hands from his neck. “That.”

Dick only then noticed that he had dug his nails into the flesh around his bite mark so hard that he left angry red scratches and deep crescent indents, he barely felt it but he did feel something else- the skin was not exactly itchy as much as it was prickling, the pins and needles sensation of near numbness. It had been like that for a while already but he’d been disregarding it in favor of his anger.

Ghost was still holding both his wrists, waiting for Dick to relax and he did when the man brought one hand up to trace the marks on his neck. It was another one of those touches that lately made Dick flinch and had his hackles raising but not this time, Ghost smelled comforting and warm instead of wrong and threatening like everyone else and his fingertips were careful and caring.

They didn’t say anything else, Dick knew Ghost was dying to comment on the strange behavior but Dick was just going to chalk it up to anger and stress anyway and he didn’t feel like pulling away from the touch either so he compromised by picking his glass back up and downing most of his refill.

“I believe that is enough.” Ghost plucked the glass out of his hands.

“What the hell, Dusan? I’m fine.” Dick struggled to reach the glass that the man held well out of his reach but his strength failed him and his arms flailed uselessly.

“You are not.” Ghost shook his head, he studied Dick’s face thoroughly and planted his hand more firmly on the curve of the younger man’s throat. “You appear about to keel over. It is worrisome.”

Dick wanted to argue that he was fine, that he knew his limits, but the concern was touching and he really was feeling woozy and exhausted on top of shaky and tipsy so maybe Ghost had point. He was also distracted by the touch, it almost burned with how deeply aware he was of it.

With an exaggerated show of reluctance Dick sighed and rolled his eyes, nodding and allowing Ghost to march him back up to his room. Dick leaned heavily on the older omega, lately most adult scents set off the worst nervous reactions in him but not Dusan’s, he was lulled by Ghost’s smell until he felt dazed and allowed the alcohol to take over and numb his body as much as his head.

There were no kisses or flirtation that night, it had mostly been an evening of venting anger and hadn’t led into anything fun but was no less pleasant for it. Dick was starting to feel comfortable around Ghost, not like somebody he truly trusted but like someone he was on equal footing with and he hadn’t noticed until then how much he really needed that.

*

The day after the bullying incident was calmer, at least for the children; for Dick it was a bit of a nightmare.

He didn’t know if he was hungover, he didn’t think so but he did indeed throw up a couple of times and felt like crap all day. He kept zoning out and coming too whenever someone came too close, awash with a horrible sensation of wrongness at the scent of other humans and craving something he didn’t understand but that made his skin crawl.

And there was Talia. Even out sight, she was never out of mind, Dick kept thinking of what she would say if she saw the state he was in, kept hearing her condescending voice jabbing at him for being weak.

His emotions were all bubbling in his blood and constantly threatening to boil over, making it hard to control his reactions, he felt like an overstretched rubber band just waiting for the slightest poke to make him snap.

Dick tried to go about their routine normally, even continued the overly aggressive training lessons of the day before, but he felt a pin drop away from losing his mind.

There was curry for dinner at Samir’s choice. Damian seemed to like it, Cosmo not so much as he was starting to get picky, and Dick barely touched it since he was too nauseous to stomach food and ended up scolded by Naima for not eating enough, she actually threatened to shove the food down his throat if he kept it up.

Dick let out a slightly manic laugh at the threat and let Damian eat from his plate instead of getting seconds.

The kids spent the rest of the evening playing in their room. It had started raining, just a drizzle, so Damian took up drawing and Cosmo played with the pretty seashells that Samir had gathered days before and was using to make wind chimes, the omega let the boy pick and hand him each clean colorful shell before he punctured and strung them.

Dick clocked out again.

He wrapped himself in a blanket and sat by the window watching the rain misting the air.

One minute he was right there and thinking about Jason and how the rain always looked so different from the rooftops of Gotham, how even Bludhaven could never match the aesthetic and sense of gothic melancholy of a rainy night in Gotham City under the watchful eyes of gargoyles… The next thing he knew two hours had gone by and Damian was tugging on his pant leg for attention, already cleaned up and in pajamas.

It took a little bit to really snap out of his daze but Dick managed to do it in time to hear Damian whine and request a bedtime story. Dick had never been good at saying no to that so he reclined on Damian’s bed and made an effort to let the boys cuddle up on each side of him while he picked up a book.

The manor library was enormous but nothing like ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban, it didn’t have much fiction or fairy tales suitable for children, the best Dick could find for that purpose were mythology books. He had already read stories from Indian and Norse mythology for the kids (Cosmo loved the stories of Ganesha and Damian really liked tales of Loki) but in the last few days he had picked Greek because he was a sentimental sap and the moment he saw that particular book all he could think of was Donna.

The stories of Heracles had entertained the twins for a couple of days but they were done with that now so Dick leafed through the chapters in search of something else that wasn’t too inappropriate (which generally meant avoiding most things about Zeus).

He stopped at the myth of Hades and Persephone, it was a good story albeit not the version Donna had had told him, he started reading it for the kids but only made it halfway into the tale before he had to stop. The story made him think of Talia, of how she had kidnapped him and imprisoned him and taken him the same the book claimed Hades had trapped Persephone and made her his wife.

Maybe he was drawing dumb comparisons but the fact was it was making him a little sick just thinking about it. Why the fuck did everything come back to Talia lately? Why was she so stuck in his head that everything reminded him of her?

Dick paused the story to compose himself, trying to push the alpha out of his mind, and when the children demanded to know what happened next, he gave them an abbreviated version of Donna’s more positive rendition of the myth.

The twins enjoyed the story but they didn’t like that he wasn’t reading along with them so they demanded another one and Dick was forced to skip to a new chapter.

Orpheus and Eurydice.

Dick had heard the names somewhere but he didn’t know the story so he started to read.

It wasn’t bad, sad but interesting, the story of a blessed musician whose lover dies and he ventures down into the depths of Hades to fight for her return, not with violence but with the power of his music. All things considered, Dick liked the message that not everything had to be solved with violence.

The boys were delighted by the part about how Orpheus put the giant three-headed dog to sleep with a lullaby, Dick actually made up a silly song with them on the spot just to see them giggle. He, however, was more amused about how the guy bribed the ferryman to get into what was essentially hell; though they all agreed that moving Hades into crying iron tears and giving Eurydice’s soul back was really cool.

The part about the condition annoyed Damian, he didn’t get why Orpheus couldn’t look at Eurydice until they were back outside (and then failed to do so in his haste) and Dick had to explained that most things in life had to be earned, there was always price to everything and impatience could ruin the simplest things.

The kids found it confusing, if they had been a little older that might have even called the situation stupid, but they got over it when the crazed women showed up to tear Orpheus to pieces. Dick wasn’t so easily distracted though, he was making comparisons again.

If only Bruce would love him as much as Orpheus loved Eurydice!

He wished Bruce would be willing to rush into this hell that was Dick’s current life and rescue him from it. Unlike poor Orpheus and the maenads, Bruce wouldn’t be torn to shreds, even if the League of Assassins tried he would be strong enough to defeat them if he really wanted… But Bruce was no Orpheus, it had been well over three years, he had moved on for sure and left Dick to fend for himself.

Part of the moral of the story might be about patience but Dick figured he’d waited enough for a savior that never came, sometimes it was just easier to accept death.

 ** _“Baba, did the fish go there?”_** Damian pointed at the book in general, snapping Dick out of his depressing fantasies.

 ** _“I doubt it, baby bat.”_** Not that Dick didn’t think animals had an afterlife, he just didn’t think it would be the Hades or Tartarus or Elysium.

 ** _“Where’s it?”_** Damian pointed at an illustration of the massive three-headed Cerberus sleeping in front of stony gates with Orpheus playing his lyre.

**_“You mean the underworld? It’s just a story, Dami.”_ **

**_“No dead there?”_ **

**_“Nobody really knows, Damian.”_ **

Donna would argue that yes, it was very real.

Wally would have said there was no way of knowing, Roy would have slipped in some complicated Navajo idea of reincarnation, Kory would have shared the Tamaranean version of the afterlife, Bruce would defend that the afterlife was a human invention, Clark and Jason would have argued about heaven and hell.

Everybody had an opinion and Dick wasn’t sure what his was anymore but he knew he didn’t want to push one onto the kids, they had the right to draw their conclusions.

 ** _“A lot people think that there’s somewhere our souls go after our bodies die but not everyone agrees on where that is, and many don’t even think it happens at all.”_** Dick tried to compromise and give as unbiased an explanation as he could.

 ** _“You said dead don’t wake up.”_** Damian was obviously confused and that usually came out as impatience.

 ** _“I did. The body never does, baby bat. Some people just believe that what’s in here keeps on existing somewhere else.”_** He patted Damian’s chest for emphasis, hoped the kid would grasp at something of the metaphysical concept but he didn’t get his hopes up.

 ** _“It does?”_** Damian frowned, rubbing that same spot over his heart with a look of intense concentration.

 ** _“I don’t know.”_** Dick replied honestly, he really wished the twins had waited a couple of years before asking these questions but now that it was happening he wasn’t sure he would ever know how to answer. **_“I think… I think it doesn’t matter. I think what’s important is that we do good things while we live, make a difference and leave a mark so that the people who loved us will remember us. I think that’s how we give life meaning.”_**

 ** _“Don’t get it.”_** Damian admitted, pouting impatiently and exasperated.

 ** _“You will someday, Dami. I promise.”_** Dick ruffled the boy’s hair and noticed that Cosmo was staring at both of them with an unreadable expression.

Damian huffed, sulking, and slapped the book. “’Nother story.”

“You had two already, it’s past your bedtime.”

“’Nother!” Damian demanded and Cosmo joined in, slapping the book too and looking hopeful as he made nonsensical excited noises.

Dick resisted the urge to roll his eyes and flipped through the pages looking for a smaller myth, something less thrilling that would get them to sleep. He paused at an illustration that spanned a full page and traced the tips of his fingers along the black and white lines of a monstrous figure.

 **“Who’s that?”** Damian leaned over the book to get a closer look, he really liked all the illustrations.

 **“That’s Medusa.”** Dick replied automatically, tracing the snakes on the figure’s hair. **“She’s a gorgon.”**

**“What’s a go-goon?”**

**“Gorgon.”** He chuckled softly but eased Damian back to his spot on the bed. **“It’s a creature with snakes for hair that can turn people into stone if they look into her eyes.”**

 **“Wow…”** Damian looked amazed and Cosmo mimicked him but covered his eyes, as if the illustration of the monster had suddenly become a real threat. It made Dick smile a little.

 **“I’m pretty sure she’d real too, a person I know fought against her once.”** He still remembered Donna telling him about Diana fighting Medusa blind and winning. **“But this story is probably about the guy used a reflection to kill…”** Dick trailed off when he flipped the page and realized that, no, it was not the more famous story of how Perseus had defeated and decapitated Medusa at all.

It was the story of how Medusa became a gorgon in the first place.

Dick frowned, he didn’t remember the story word for word but something told him he didn’t want to remember, he felt anxious and uneasy already. Without thinking, his eyes started to rapidly skim the lines on the page and took in the gist of the tale but… No, it wasn’t right.

This was the version Donna called ‘bullshit patriarchal propaganda’.

It was the version were Medusa, a famous omega of Greek lore, had seduced and an affair with Poseidon during which they desecrated Athena’s temple, leading the goddess to curse her into becoming a monster that nobody could approach. Donna always hated that story with a passion, she didn’t like Medusa herself and thought the gorgon was awful but she hated how the popular version of her myth placed all the blame on her.

Dick was starting to get a bit of a headache and felt chilled to his core because something kept telling him to _leave it alone_ and forget this story but he made an effort to remember Donna’s version anyway, the one that led the Greeks to use Medusa’s face as a symbol of protection.

The story Amazons claimed was real stated that Medusa wasn’t to blame, that turning into a gorgon was not a curse but a gift that Athena gave her priestesses, Medusa and her sisters, so they could protect themselves from the unwanted advances of men after Poseidon had attacked and _raped_ Medusa in Athena’s temple…

Just like that, Dick couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t know why he couldn’t breathe but his chest was filled with the familiar ache of panic crushing his lungs, he felt like he was going to shake himself apart as his blood ran cold and sweat dotted the back of his neck. Logically, he recognized the panic attack but he hadn’t had one get this far and this intense since Dusan pulled him out of the dark.

Dick felt like his focus was slipping and he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing because suddenly all he could hear was Talia’s conniving voice in his ear, all he could feel was shame chewing his entrails and soul-smothering vulnerability and Talia’s teeth gnashing into the frail skin of his neck.

 **“Grayson!”** Samir’s loud voice reached him through the fog in his brain.

 **“Baba!”** Damian was smacking his face none too gently and Cosmo was shaking him insistently.

Dick gasped, trying to suck in a much needed dose of oxygen, and shook his head to shake off the tangled cobwebs of his thoughts while he sat a little straighter on the bed. He became aware that his scent had filled the room so sharply and disturbed that everyone was crowding him and freaking out and he was shaking so hard he was practically vibrating in place.

 **“Breathe, Grayson.”** Samir instructed, worried and hovering, rubbing circles into Dick’s back just below his shoulder blades.

 **“Baba.”** Damian called him like he was giving an order, he was standing on the bed and not so much looking _at_ Dick as much as _into_ him, with his little hands framing Dick’s cheeks to force him to focus on his son’s scowling face.

“Dami…” Dick choked out, trying to concentrate.

 **“Hurt go away.”** Damian bossed and started placing kisses all over Dick’s face, the same light pecks Dick used to kiss away little scrapes and injuries; Damian couldn’t see the source of his hurt, there was no wound to show for it, but he was still trying to physically pull the pain out of Dick with sheer willpower. **“We protect you, baba.”**

Cosmo tried to comfort Dick too- he crawled on his father’s lap and nuzzled under his jaw trying to scent mark over the smell of agony and terror while his small fingers wrapped around the back of Dick’s neck, hiding his throat, putting pressure on the bite mark and shielding the sensitive flesh, an instinctive gesture to reduce the sensation of vulnerability and ground him. Where the hell the boy had learned that, Dick had no idea.

Both the twins and Samir were invading Dick’s space and pressed up to him like human shields, it should have been dauting and it should have made him feel smothered but it didn’t, it made him feel protected, it made him feel loved.

Dick pulled the boys closer and hugged them tight, pressing his face to their hair and skin to soak in as much of their comforting milky scents as possible, used that as anchor to regulate his breathing in a deep paced rhythm while he allowed his tense shaky form to lean into Samir’s solid body for support.

Dick focused on the there and the now and remembered Ghost’s words.

Five things he could see- Damian’s vibrant teal eyes looking at him with intense protectiveness, Cosmo’s dark blue pajamas standing out against the pale sheets, the elephant plushie abandoned by the foot of the bed, the white and gold cover of the book laying heavy next to his legs, the curtains fluttering lightly due to the rainy breeze from the window.

Four things he could touch- Cosmo’s soft messy hair, Damian’s pajama shirt clutched tight in his hand, the hard edges of the book’s cover, the slightly fuzzy blanket tangled around his legs.

Three things he could hear- Damian’s protective voice telling him it was ok and asking him what had hurt him, Samir trying to coach his breathing, the sound of Cosmo trying so hard to purr to calm everybody.

Two things he could smell- the boys, so much like him, so perfect, so similar and yet so different and unique and everything he would ever need.

One thing he could taste- the water Samir handed over the moment Dick calmed enough to gesture towards it, cool and crisp with no true taste but cleansing enough to center him.

Finally Dick calmed down and his breathing fell back into a healthy pace, his chest still felt bruised from the inside out but he was steadier, he was present and everything felt real again, it no longer seemed like he was going to crushed and choked under invisible pressure or melt into a living nightmare where not even his body felt real.

 **“I’m alright.”** Dick murmured, noting that all three were staring at him cautiously ever since he took the water; he tried to smile to reassure them but failed, too tired to do more than just hug the kids and pull Samir into the embrace too. **“Thank you.”**

 **“What happened?”** The older omega asked in a quiet whisper, as if afraid to speak any louder and disturb Dick’s hard-earned calm.

 **“What hurts?”** Damian asked as well, still clinging possessively to his father.

 **“Nothing. It’s over now.”** Dick promised. How exactly was he supposed to explain what a trigger was to the kids?

He glanced at the book, numbness was starting to set in and he felt stupid and ashamed for crashing so easily over something so tiny but the trigger had just been sudden and unexpected, the word just rung so cuttingly in his mind, he hadn’t had time to prepare himself and put up his walls.

In retrospect he could see himself liking Donna’s version of Medusa’s story, if only he had been prepared for the trigger. Dick could relate with gorgon, could totally understand how someone would be willing to give up their looks and become a monster nobody could approach and that everyone feared if it meant never being used by people like Talia or Slade ever again.

Damian watched him drift and lose focus again and caught his glance at the book. Suddenly, the boy made a snarling sound that, had he been a little older, would definitely had turned into a growl; he glowered, kicked his feet angrily and shoved the book right off the bed, furious at it as if it were to blame for hurting Dick in the first place.

 **“Hey, hey! It’s not the book’s fault.”** Dick protested, more out of surprise than anything else.

 **“It hurt baba.”** Damian raised his voice stubbornly, lower lip jutting out in a pout.

Dick was stunned silent for a moment and then gave a small tired smile, held the boy and planted a kiss on his forehead.

 ** _“Thank you for protecting me, baby bat.”_** He then shifted enough to nuzzle and scent Cosmo too, the kid hadn’t let go of him and was still trying really hard at a soothing purr. **_“And thank you for calming me, little prince. My heroes.”_**

 **“Are you sure you’re alright, Grayson?”** Samir ran a hand carefully down Dick’s spine, it was kind but also uncomfortable, the strange new feeling of wrongness at another adult’s touch made Dick’s stomach twist unpleasantly.

 **“Yes, I am fine.”** He tried to politely shrug away from the touch without being too obvious. Samir got the message, saw the grimace and the unpleasant shiver that went through the younger man and slowly backed off. **“Just got triggered, it was stupid.”**

 **“What’s tri…trig…trigged…”** Damian struggled.

 **“Triggered?”** Dick offered, helpfully.

Damian nodded. **“That.”**

 **“It’s… It’s when something suddenly reminds you of really, really, bad things that happened to you before.”** Dick went from the simple explanation, hoping they would leave it at that.

 **“That hurts?”** Damian wasn’t buying it at all.

 **“Well, sometimes it’s so scary it tricks your head into thinking the bad things are happening again and hurting you and your body doesn’t know what to do about it.”** Dick stumbled on his attempts to explain further, he really just wanted to stop thinking about the topic altogether and the more Damian harped on it the most stressed he became.

 **“What was the bad thing?”** The boy asked, stubborn but innocent. Then he saw Dick’s face twist in anguish at being forced to thinking about it and, miraculously, Damian seemed to understand what was happening and looked horrified, giving Dick’s face little kisses again and apologizing frantically. **“No, wait, no! Sorry! Sorry.”**

 **“It’s ok, baby bat. It’s over.”** Dick let out a tired sigh and tilted his head enough to nuzzle the boy in reassurance. **“Let’s go to sleep, alright?”**

Dick moved to get off the bed and tuck the kids in, it was late but he wanted to run away and go lick his metaphorical wounds in private, maybe even slip down into the kitchens again. Unfortunately, the kids had other things in mind, Damian grabbed the edge of his shirt and wouldn’t let go.

 **“Stay.”** The boy pleaded.

 **“Dami, let me go. It’s bedtime.”** He tried to be firm but Cosmo grabbed his sleeve too and both boys looked at him with identical stubborn expressions.

 **“Stay.”** Damian repeated insistently.

 **“Why?”** Dick wasn’t sure if they wanted him near because they were being overprotective or because they wanted to feel safe themselves.

The older twin hesitated, clearly looking for an answer and failing to find the right words. **“…Stay.”**

Dick really wanted to run away but he just wasn’t good at saying no to his boys so he sighed in defeat. “Ok, ok.”

He settled on the edge of the bed, hoping they would fall asleep quickly and knowing he wouldn’t, not any time soon anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Dick is really unstable and let me make this clear- he is subconsciously aware (very aware) of what is wrong with him which is why he's trying really hard to ignore it. The question is, can _you_ figure it out?
> 
> The twins reacting to Dick's panic attack is actually based on several small real life events, dunno if that matters.  
> 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> What do you think is coming? What do you think is foreshadowing? What would you like to see (other than a rescue)? Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Remember: Comments are my only reward for my work, they give me life and motivate me to write faster.


	31. Withdrawal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's "sickness" finally reaches a boiling point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title/summary for this chapter was actually really mean and I didn't have the guts to share it.

Contrary to the very essence of his nature, Dick was just wanted to be left alone. Desperately so.

Except he couldn’t let the kids out of his sight and that posed a problem.

He felt so cold and feverish that he just wanted to curl up in bed and never leave but that wouldn’t do, he had to train the kids, even if Ra’s and Talia weren’t around to punish him for slacking off, he still didn’t trust anyone with the boys, not with the bullying situation still very much alive.

And there was the issue of how Dick was reacting to people in general.

At first it had just been touch that upset him, scents made him nervous and nauseous and felt wrong but he endured, and then it all shifted and while he was fine with the kids (pups weren’t a threat and they still smelled enough like him that it was safe), adult scents started to disgust him and the touches made him want to lash out.

When he had to pause a training session with the twins to go hide in a bathroom and vomit from how sick the presence of the nannies and the ninjas made him, Dick started getting paranoid.

It was impossible for him to be pregnant, it had been a very long time since anyone had touched him thanks to having suppressed his heats. It was also impossible that he was going into heat because even though he often forgot his medication, the nannies did not and would always remind him.

It _was_ possible that he was just sick, some garden variety virus in his bloodstream, but then he wouldn’t have been the only person feeling ill.

There was also the strong possibility that it was all just his anxiety and mental distress making him sick in the first place, and the lesser, more paranoid chance that somebody might be poisoning him.

All valid options but none explained why he couldn’t get Talia out of his head, why her absence felt like a missing limb, like a piece of his soul had been ripped right off of him. It was insane, he had fantasized about Talia dying violently at his own hands and now suddenly he felt like he wouldn’t be ever be safe again until she was touching him.

Dick returned to the dojo just in time to see Damian do a perfect handstand before flopping back down properly but gracelessly into a near-perfect split, he then scrambled to get up and help Cosmo do the same.

The scene warmed Dick’s heart with pride but that warmth lasted only a few seconds before he was assaulted by the scent of alphas and betas that permeated the dojo, he recognized most of them but now they made him gag and shiver unpleasantly. He tried to power through it because the afternoon had barely just started but then Naima placed a hand on his shoulder and asked if was alright.

Dick lost it, he was so tired of people asking him that question but it was the touch that made him snap and shove the woman away so hard that she smacked into the wall. Five seconds later he regretted it and looked around the dojo like a cornered animal searching for an escape route.

A merciful way out came in the form of White Ghost, Dick saw the man at the doors of the dojo and rushed over until he was just close enough to talk and blurted out a request for the other omega to train the twins that afternoon. Ghost said yes but before he could ask what was going on, Dick was running away and disappearing down the corridor with his hands clawing into his own neck.

He lost track after that, just followed his instincts to get as far away from people as possible and completely tuned out the world.

*

Dick dreamt of Talia again.

He didn’t remember falling asleep but everything had that slightly blurry faraway quality that told him it was a dream, though that wasn’t enough to make it any less alarming. It really had to be a dream because there was no way the real Talia would do the gentle things his mind was conjuring up and there was definitely no way he would let her do the less gentle ones that were settling his nerve endings ablaze.

He dreamt of the way she liked to touch him, of her lips on the back of his neck, her commanding voice in his ear, her flawless skin against his, her lovely complex scent. He dreamt of her and it didn’t seem all that horrible, not the way it was it was supposed to feel.

A part of him hated the mere thought of Talia but another side of him craved her, needed her, and it made him feel sick at himself.

Maybe he could have handled it if only her voice wasn’t so horribly vivid in his ears, if only her scent wasn’t so alive around him, it wouldn’t be so agonizing if he couldn’t feel her weaved into his flesh.

Somebody shoved him roughly awake and voices started to filter in through the fog in his brain but it took Dick a while to pull himself away from the dreams. His head felt heavy and his whole body was a mix of cold shivers and numb tingles, the scent of beta was starting to creep up on him from somewhere nearby.

When he didn’t move fast enough, someone tried to shake him awake again but he was already awake, he just didn’t seem able to open his eyes right away, he tried to tell them that but his mouth wouldn’t do much more than pant.

Dick shook away the haze of his dreams and attempted to think rationally, he needed to make sense of what was happening.

It felt a little bit like he was in heat but _wrong_ \- feverish but cold instead hot, sensitive but frustrated instead of aroused, achy instead of high, anxious instead of restless, the scents of alpha made him nauseous and guarded instead of horny, but the neediness and craving were still there, driving him out of his mind. It didn’t make sense, he was on suppressants, he had to be sick somehow.

Someone shook him again and the smell… Betas, not as bad as alphas (or so his brain supplied) but not right either, they assaulted his senses and made his gut twist with another cramp.

Dick wanted to curl up and whimper but forced himself to crack his eyes open and was blinded by sunlight instead.

Not that it was all that bright, the sun was setting and bathing everything in golds and oranges, but Dick was out in the open and the light hit him directly. Where the heck was he?

A masked head popped up in his line of sight, the guard regarding with him annoyance in his eyes.

Carefully and tortuously, Dick pulled himself up onto his elbows and realized he was… On a roof?

Yes, on the roof above the kid’s room, he had fallen asleep sprawled out over the hot tiles and had only a vague of idea of hoisting himself up there at some point to escape the presence of humans, though that seemed to have happened ages ago and to a completely different person.

The guard said something in Arabic to someone below them but Dick couldn’t focus enough to make sense of it, what he could focus on was that suddenly there was another guard coming up to them and this one smelled like alpha and it was so very _wrong_ , it made Dick’s gut clench uncomfortably and the nausea ramped up again. Just that was enough to force him to his feet so he could get the hell away from that scent.

A few steps later Dick felt a little more lucid but ten times more confused- what was happening to him?

He spotted Naima and Fatima in the balcony below, looking at him with concerned eyes while the guards tried to escort him down from a safe distance, they wouldn’t leave until he was back inside. Dick flipped down clumsily and made his way back into the room before anyone could touch him.

Once he was surrounded by his own scent in his own room he glanced in the mirror in a daze and distantly registered that he looked like crap.

Dick looked anemic but also oddly flushed- pale, with tired bruised eyes, sweaty but he felt cold and achy all over. Maybe it was some sort of flu or virus, either way the nausea was abating so perhaps it wasn’t too bad.

The shower beckoned him with a siren’s song, he just wanted to slip under warm water until it left him drowsy and lightheaded and drowned him against the tiles and polished marble. It was a terrible idea though so instead he let himself faceplant onto the bed. 

Maybe if everyone just left him alone a little bit longer, he’d be fine.

 **“You missed dinner.”** Naima scolded.

Dick took a while to process the words, took a while to even understand that there were people at the door of his room and talking directly to him, he lifted his heavy head slowly and looked at the two women staring at him. It was dark outside already.

Then something clicked in Dick’s hazy brain and he sat up abruptly. **“The boys…!”**

 **“Are fine.”** Fatima gave him a little worried smile. **“White Ghost took over their training this afternoon as you requested.”**

“Oh.” Dick slumped back into the bed, he couldn’t remember what had possessed him to trust Ghost alone with the kids and he hoped the guy (or Ravi) wouldn’t tell Ra’s he was skipping out on his duties.

 **“You are ill.”** Fatima explained as if it wasn’t glaringly obvious.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Dick grumbled but got only confused looks in return. **“I can tell.”**

 **“We should take him to the infirmary.”** Naima decided and Fatima nodded in agreement.

 **“No.”** Dick shook his head but… Why not? Dick had no reason to be stubborn, in fact he had every reason to want to treat this and get better fast before someone less kind noticed and started seeing him as a liability or a waste of resources. Also, if it was contagious he needed to fix it before the kids got exposed.

So why did he just want to nest in his room and not ever leave? Why the world outside with all its people seem like hell? Why did his body keep supplying with a steady craving for the one person he hated most in the world, like her poison could fix everything wrong with him?

 **“Tt. This is no time to be stubborn.”** Naima admonished and tried to pull him gently out of bed. It caused him to jerk away.

 **“Talia.”** Dick wasn’t sure what he was saying but it came out before he could censor himself. **“I need… I need Talia.”**

 **“Miss Talia is not here, she has not been here in months, Dick.”** Fatima helped him up despite his flinching but there was concern in her voice and her dark eyes, she had never heard Dick actually _wanting_ to be around Talia before.

Great. Just fucking great.

The one time Dick actually wanted her around and the alpha was gone to god knows where doing who knows what with poor Jason. It pissed Dick off and not for the reasons it should, it made him angry at himself for being jealous, filled him with corrosive bilious self-hatred for wanting Talia near him.

They maids tried to guide him out of the room while he was still dazedly simmering in those thoughts, that yearning and shame, but they were too close. The notes of their scents were too intense and made his head swim so he pushed away from them and kept them at arm’s length until his back hit the wall and he was sliding down it and sitting on the floor.

 **“Go away. Please, just go.”** He buried his face in his hands, hoping his own scent would overpower theirs.

 **“Dick…”** Fatima took a few steps closer and he lifted a hand to keep her away.

 **“Please.”** Dick begged, he didn’t know what was wrong with him and it was starting to freak him out. **“I just need Talia.”**

 **“Tt. I’ll fetch the medic then.”** Naima was out the door before he could protest, muttering about bringing the mountain to Mohammed.

Fatima refused to leave, she watched him quietly with pain in her eyes, if he could see her whole face he knew it would be twisted into a scowl of some sort and he could only imagine how pathetic he must look to conjure up such a reaction.

The shivering intensified until it wasn’t exactly shivering anymore, he had goosebumps all over his skin but it was more akin to little muscle spasms making him twitch involuntarily.

The twins arrived in their room with Samir, Dick could hear them ask for him through the wall- Damian sounded on the verge a full-blown temper tantrum if he didn’t see his father in the next thirty seconds. Normally that would prompt Dick to get up immediately and rush to his kids but in that moment he couldn’t care less, nor did he have the patience to handle any fits. Let someone else handle them for a while.

Dick covered his ears with his hands to block out the sound of Damian shrieking his demands and in response Fatima got up and went into the other room to reprimand the boy, unfortunately she made the mistake of saying Dick was sick and exactly five seconds later the twins were stumbling into his room, dodging the nannies and rushing over to him.

 **“Baba!”** Damian toddled over before Dick could object.

 **“Baba, baba, baba!”** Cosmo parroted and knelt at Dick’s side. Their scents were not unpleasant like everyone else’s but everything about them was still too much and he just didn’t have the patience.

 **“You sick?”** Damian put both his little hands on Dick’s face and leaned in much too close.

 **“I… I don’t know.”** Dick wasn’t sure what to tell them, he couldn’t think straight and their actions made him feel terribly crowded.

 **“Wanna help!”** Damian announced, plopping himself on Dick’s lap.

 **“Dami, Cosmo… Can you please leave me alone?”** Dick bristled at the sudden assault regardless at how innocent it was, he tried to act calm but was sure the way he was gritting his teeth and digging his nails into his own neck gave him away.

 **“No. Wanna stay.”** Damian was stubborn, his nose wrinkled at whatever was going on with Dick’s scent but he refused to move.

 **“Damian…”** Fatima tried to intervene and began to gently tug the child away but he shook himself free and clung to Dick, so did Cosmo.

 **“No!”** Damian shouted. That was it, Dick couldn’t handle it anymore.

 **“I’m sorry, I just can’t...”** He muttered and picked the boys up, unceremoniously handing them to Fatima despite Damian’s kicking and Cosmo’s dumbfounded surprise. Dick then got up and left the room, stumbling away as fast as he could on shaking legs.

The twins were screeching and calling for him but he ignored them, he’d feel bad about it later, at that moment he just needed to get away and find somewhere quiet to curl up and wait this mess out.

Dick roamed corridors blindly, panting and shaking and much too agitated to stay still, he was cold all the way down to his bones and everything looked blurry and too far away. The manor smelled like all sorts of people and it was all wrong, _they_ were all wrong, too many scents and none of them what he needed. He had to find the one he needed, the one that make all the pain go away.

The only thing on his mind was Talia, like a drug that he needed a desperate fix of.

His blind search led him nowhere, he couldn’t find her and he knew he wouldn’t, he was completely aware that Talia wasn’t around but his body didn’t get the memo and started to cramp again, demanding the alpha like a thirst that needed to be quenched.

And then he caught the whiff off something familiar, something soothing and _almost_ right. He followed it, one hand on the wall to keep him steady as he tried to tune out the sound of Talia’s voice whispering old threats in his ear in a way that felt almost alluring now.

Dick stopped dead in front of a familiar door but it was locked, he practically fell into it and slid onto the floor again with a clatter, pulling his knees up to his chest breathing hard and shallow, nerves frayed and body shaking as he murmured Talia’s name under his breath over and over.

After a while, Dick wasn’t sure how long because he zoned out completely, the smell that brought him there thickened and his head snapped up to find White Ghost staring down at him. The man wore his usual cloak over white and grey clothes and seemed confused about Dick’s presence on the floor outside his room.

Right. Ghost’s room, that’s why the door looked familiar.

Ghost said something but Dick’s couldn’t make it out through the fog in his head, he didn’t know why or when but he started babbling.

“Talia. I need… I need Talia… Where is…? Tell her I need her… Talia…”

“Richard, she is not here.” Dusan crouched down and tipped Dick’s chin to take a good look at him, taking particular interest in whatever he saw in the younger man’s eyes. “Even if I contact her, you know she will not drop everything for you.”

“I _need_ her… Need Talia.” He insisted, pain bleeding into his voice.

“Yes, but do you _want_ her?” Ghost countered, dryly.

“…I… Just… Damn it…” That pushed a tiny bit of sense into him and Dick shook his head in frustration and dug his nails into the back of his neck again, heedless of how raw the skin was, the pain actually helped ground him. “What’s wrong with me?”

“You are in withdrawal. You have been for some time.” Ghost wrapped a hand around Dick’s bicep and tried to help him up. “I thought you knew.”

That stirred something in Dick’s mind- did everyone know? Was that why they all kept walking on eggshells around him? Did they think we was pathetic for depending so much on Talia?

“I…” Dick hesitated and bit back a whine, face crumpling miserably. Of course, he was in bond withdrawal, even if they didn’t actually have a complete bond, his body was still chemically addicted to the alpha that claimed him and she had been gone too long. “I think I did… Just didn’t want to think about it…”

“I am amazed you lasted this long.” Ghost guided him into the room and closed the door securely behind them. Whether he was surprised that Dick hadn’t cracked earlier or that he was still alive, that was a mystery.

“Need her…” Dick mumbled again because it was the only thing that seemed important.

“I know.” The older omega sounded unhappy. “Why are you here?”

As he spoke, Dusan reached up to carefully pull Dick’s hands away from his neck. Surprisingly, the younger man didn’t flinch at the skin contact this time because although Ghost didn’t feel _right_ , he felt close enough to what Dick needed and he latched on to that information right away.

“I don’t… I don’t know…” On pure instinct, Dick surged forward and shoved his nose under Ghost’s chin, inhaling greedily. “Your scent… Not right but… Close.” Suddenly Dick’s hands were fisting into the man’s clothes like a lifeline. “Let me stay with you.”

Ghost cocked a brow with some level of surprise and stared at him with pity so intense it burned. It was a testament to how desperate and out of it Dick was that he didn’t even get mad at the pitying look, normally it would have made him angry and ashamed enough to want to lash out but in that moment he just wanted to take advantage of it.

“Alright.” Ghost agreed, voice low and sympathetic.

Dick sagged a little with relief and watched the man take off his cloak and hang it up, after that he seemed a little lost about what to do but they ended up on the couch, with Dick burying his face into Ghost’s neck while the older omega brushed his hair out of the way to check on the raw tingly skin of his neck.

Dusan’s fingertips trailed the angry deep red scratches, sending a little spark of pain through the younger man. And yet, it was strangely positive, it was a tiny pinpoint of pleasant sensation through the haze of desperation and the dull agony inside him.

Not long after, Ghost was getting up and Dick clung to him like a dying man, letting out a needy little whine.

“I am not going anywhere, Richard.” Ghost promised, he disappeared into the bathroom for just a minute and returned with a small jar full of something that smelled herbal and that he applied carefully to Dick’s abused skin. He only noticed how much the scratches hurt because the sudden relief of the cool gel was instantaneous.

Things got a bit blurry after that, in that room there were no other scents that set Dick off, no reason to have his guard up, no nausea from all the wrong scents. He didn’t even care that only reason he felt less terrible was because the presence of an Al Ghul comforted him.

All Dick knew was that somebody that smelled tolerable and safe (not alpha, nothing that aggressive), someone that smelled like a friend, was taking care of him and his animalistic side melted into it and took over his logical brain. It reminded him of the first heat he’d shared with someone, how he’d learned to give up control and just enjoy it.

Dick latched on to Ghost, wrapped himself around the larger man and ended up whining again because it wasn’t enough, he still felt too cold and too needy, his gut still squirmed like it was filled with eels and the scar on his neck throbbed like it as calling out to a missing piece of himself.

“It is alright. You will be alright.” Ghost murmured, he was trying to soothe but it was so awkward, it was obvious this was foreign territory to him. Either way, Dick forgot about that when he felt himself being lifted a moment later and placed on a bed over an absurdly soft quilt.

Ghost joined him in a second but didn’t do anything except wrap an arm around Dick’s shoulders to make him feel surrounded and safe, he allowed the younger omega to curl into him and Dick all but glued himself to Dusan, scenting the man and pressing his face to Ghost’s throat, searching for skin-to-skin contact to chase away the cold.

It wasn’t enough, it barely scratched the surface of what Dick needed and now that he was allowing himself to accept it and think about it he knew what his body craved.

His hand travelled timidly along Ghost’s shoulder (damn, the man had really broad shoulders) and down his chest and side until he slipped a hand under Dusan’s shirt to feel the hard wall of muscle beneath- it was so warm and inviting.

Ghost didn’t say anything but he went very still, watching Dick cautiously like a soldier analyzing an opponent’s moves. Dick was encouraged by the reaction and ground himself to the older omega, his hands pushing Ghost’s shirt up in search for more heat under his shaky touch and his lips traveling up Dusan’s throat as he resisted the urge to just lick the pheromones straight off the man’s skin.

Everything about Dusan’s scent in that moment bellied the person he was on his day to day life- it did not match his size, his skill, his way of life, his reputation. It was too sweet and too soft and very misleading to Dick’s logical brain but that side of him was rapidly abandoning ship anyway and allowing animal instinct to take the wheel.

The scent, the feeling, was off- it lacked the sharpness and danger of alpha that made him feel owned, centered and surrounded but at the same time that was a blessing.

The dull sweetness of omega was less intimidating, it was comforting on a very different level, safe and not at all threatening; and it was similar enough to Talia that the claimed part of him didn’t want to let go, different enough that rest of him didn’t feel threatened or bring up his self-hatred like a bloated corpse bobbing to the surface.

The neediness and desire grew exponentially the moment he relaxed into all these realizations, everything still hurt and he was still so cold and dazed but he knew now what he needed to feel better, to feel warm and get relief from the gapping void inside him.

He wanted intimacy, wanted to feel cared for, wanted the endorphin high that came with sex and feeling of being filled and owned. Just wanted to feel _better_ for five minutes., even if it was only physical.

Without any conscious thought Dick straddled Ghost’s hips and kissed him, the man had such luscious lips, enough to make even Talia jealous despite tasting and feeling so rough and uniquely masculine. It was sloppy and hungry, Dick’s lips mashing to Dusan’s and his tongue trying to invade the older man’s mouth before Ghost realized what was happening.

For a glorious moment Ghost kissed back, his hands falling onto Dick’s thighs and squeezing lightly as he slotted their mouths more carefully together and allowed the younger omega access. Dick made a little pleased noise in the back of his throat and licked the sharp edges of Dusan’s teeth, his hands buried in fistfuls of white hair and he ground his body against Ghost in search of friction.

And then Dusan was breaking the kiss abruptly, blushing furiously with the smell of arousal rapidly tainting the air but contradicted by the way Ghost’s fingers closed around Dick’s biceps to gently push him back when he tried to chase the older man’s lips again.

“No, Richard.” Ghost was firm but there was a pained edge to his voice, denying himself this was taking all his self-control.

“Please. Please…” Dick panted the pleas and pressed him to Ghost’s body like he was trying to squirm through their clothes, trying to use his grip on the man’s hair to pull him into a kiss.

“No. You do not want this, not really.” Ghost shifted and pushed Dick back on the bed, sitting up to put a little space between them but he did not leave and he smelled so tempting.

Dick clung to man’s clothes and tried to crawl into his lap, whining like a cat in heat. “I do… I do, I promise.”

Ghost sighed. “No, you do not. This is desperation talking, you would hate yourself in the morning.”

“I… No.” Dick shook his head, trying to think but unable to resist the need. He knew he looked like junky whoring himself for a fix and, surprisingly, he didn’t mind in the least because it was worth it. “No, I wouldn’t...”

“You would.” Ghost was so sure of it that it showed some of the man’s own lack of confidence. He pushed Dick away ever so slightly again and the rejection stung.

Dick wanted to growl but it came out as more of a stubborn hiss, his head was spinning a little and his hands still insistently tugged at Ghost’s shirt, angrily trying to get it off. “You don’t know me. I wouldn’t.”

Dusan gave him a quizzical look, something about Dick’s tone had him stunned. “How are you so sure? You are not even thinking straight with that fever, you cannot possibly consent in these circumstances.”

Ghost was wrong.

Dick needed something, _anything_ to take the edge off that goddamn hormonal withdrawal and he would do anything for it no matter how debasing or desperate. And he could take it, he knew he could, he just wasn’t thinking straight enough to explain it in words.

Dick had used sex as a coping mechanism before. Very often. It was why he never stayed single for long after he turned fifteen even though he was in love with someone he couldn’t have; he refused one-night stands or cheating on his partners, he was resolutely loyal and needed to have emotional connection in order to even consider sex but that didn’t mean it was always pure, he _used_ it in times of great stress.

Probably his worse coping mechanism back in the day. Or the best, depending on who was asked.

He thought he’d never do it again after Talia claimed him, thought the appeal was gone after sex itself became stressful, shame-filled, and scary with Talia’s bite on his neck but now, in this feverish mind and strung out body, it felt like the best idea in the world. The only idea, if was completely honest.

“Please…” Dick begged in Ghost’s ear, his voice seductive and his mind too frustrated to argue and falling back of the cheapest tricks. He pressed himself into the man’s back, gently pushing all that pale hair aside and licked cheekily up the sensitive nape of omega’s neck. “Don’t you want me, Dusan?”

Dusan shivered, red stained his pale face profusely and he bit back a tiny groan but he didn’t pull away, didn’t seem able to pull away and his hands were curled into tight fists with the effort of staying still. Dick knew the man would react this way, he knew what strings to pull to make an omega melt, with alphas all it took was a little submission and enthusiasm but with omegas like them it was all about the sweet spots and the affection.

“…Not like this.” Ghost’s voice was strained and his scent betrayed him.

“I’ll do anything you want.” Dick purred, nipping along the curve of that unmarked neck and sliding his hands back under Ghost’s shirt, wrapping around the man and sliding boldly down to his groin.

Ghost swallowed audibly and bit his lip but his voice came out a little bitter. “Of that I have no doubt.”

“Please, Dusan?” Dick whimpered like a prayer, pressing the palm of his hand against the growing bulge in the older man’s pants while he placed greedy little kisses along that sensitive nape.

“Stop it, you are stronger than this.” Ghost finally grabbed Dick’s hands and pushed them away again, making a gargantuan effort to get off the bed and away from the young man.

The rejection hurt more than ever, it was almost physical and bristled against Dick’s frail nerves.

“No, I’m not!” He shouted, his mood volatile and swinging like a pendulum, irritation and anguish bleeding into every word. “I hate Talia with a passion and right now I just want her to fuck my brains out! I’m not better than this, I’m no better than an animal.”

The look of pity was back on Ghost’s face, as was an edge of fury that wasn’t directed at Dick at all. “…She has ruined you.”

Dick scoffed because he didn’t care about stating the obvious right now. He crawled on the bed on all fours until he reached the edge where the other man stood, he kneeled and in one fluid motion his shirt was off and flying somewhere random, the next second Dick was plastering himself to Ghost again.

“You could ruin me too. I’d let you.” It was meant to come out seductive and although it sound tempting, it was mostly just taunting.

“You would hate yourself.” Ghost reasoned, even as his eyes roamed all over the scarred expanse of bronze skin suddenly on display.

“What else is new?” Dick chuckled darkly and kissed along Dusan’s jaw until he could whimper in his ear again. “Please, I need it.”

“Do not ask me to become an accomplice to your self-hatred.” Ghost tried to resist and stay firm but his voice cracked, his skin was heated and his pupils were blown.

It was infuriating! The sweet smell of omega and arousal was cloying in the air, Ghost was so warm and Dick _wanted_ so badly but all he was getting was rejection. It was beyond painful.

Dick felt like he was being chewed up from the inside, felt the emptiness that needed to be filled, the pain that needed to be quelled by someone else’s touch; and yet it was so much worse that heat because instead of a feverish needy high that could be pleasant, all he had was withdrawal and anguish and enough despair to turn his rational mind against him, instead of heat sizzling in his veins and pleasure on his oversensitive skin all he had was cold and numbness. But the need… The _need_ was driving him to insanity.

Frustration evolved into aggression, fury sizzling in his blood, and Dick just snapped.

“Why not?! You’re no better than me with all your groveling to daddy and putting yourself down for things that aren’t your fault, just because you’re not what his hypocritical ass wanted!” He did growl this time, ignoring the way his hair was sticking to sweaty skin and resisting the urge to dig his nails back into the throbbing skin of his own neck and claw his own hormones out, instead he reached out to shove Ghost, only for his hands to snag into the man’s clothes and pull him back in instead so that he was snarling in Dusan’s face. “You have no right talking to me about self-hatred.”

“Richard, stop.” Ghost’s voice was low and dangerous and he pried Dick’s grip off him by force.

“Why? Am I making you angry? What are you going to do about it?” He shoved Ghost mockingly, hoping to provoke the man and make him lose composure. After all, angry sex would do just as well, he’d had more than enough experience hate fucking with Talia to learn that. “Do you want to hurt me, Casper? I’d love to see you try.”

“I know this is the frustration and the desperation talking but I am not Talia, I will not be goaded into… Into harming you.” Ghost huffed and the danger bled out of him because he saw right through the younger man. Dusan looked almost offended and more than a little concerned.

“Since when do assassins have this much of a conscience?” Dick sneered and changed tactics quickly, his tone turning into a blend of accusation and lasciviousness as he crowded Ghost again. “Or are you just not interested? Is that it? Does an omega not do it for you? Because you seemed very interested before and I can make it worth your while, I promise.”

“Stop trying to sell yourself, you have nothing to prove.” Dusan took a deep slow breath and frowned, pushing Dick away just hard enough for him to bounce back onto the bed. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist you? You are worth more than this, you are perfect, and I am simply trying to be decent for your sake.”

“Why?! Decent is the last thing I want you to be.” Dick yelled, more frantic than angry and trying to keep the whine out of his words.

“Because you will not just hate yourself when you are back in your right mind, you will hate me too!” Ghost lost his composure for the first time, voice louder than Dick had ever heard it.

That was not rejection, it was the opposite of rejection. The younger omega felt a little spark of hope so he scrambled off the bed and wrapped his arms around Ghost again, slowly as if trying not to startle a wild animal, and he nuzzled under the man’s jaw.

“I won’t, I swear I won’t. Please!” Dick did whine this time but tried to sound sure of himself, it wasn’t hard, in that moment he would have promised anything to get what he wanted.

“I am not taking advantage of you like this.” Ghost grit his teeth but gave up trying to pull away because Dick was clearly determined to cling to him like a baby koala. However, he was still stalwart in his decision not to react or initiate anything and trapped Dick’s wrists when his hands trying to roam too far.

“Then what am I supposed to do?!” Dick snapped and squirmed against the man, trying to get free and digging his teeth into the curve of Ghost shoulder in a last-ditch effort to pull a reaction from the man. “I hurts, it’s driving me insane, I can’t… I can’t think, I just _need_ and you won’t even help me.”

It felt like his veins wanted to crawl out of his skin and Dick was so close to just crying and begging on his knees.

“You are like an addict begging for narcotics. If you were in my place would you just offer up a needle?”

“I… I…” The mental image made him frown like he had sucked on something sour, it was utterly ridiculous. “No, it’s different, I’m not going to OD on sex!”

“That is not the part that worries me.” Ghost tapped Dick’s temple lightly. “This is.”

“Then what the hell… What am I supposed to…?” Dick sobbed, feeling like he was going to shake himself apart.

Ghost looked at him pitifully and bit on a tantalizing bottom lip, fighting with himself and struggling with his thoughts.

“You can fight through this, or we can medicate you until the fever goes down.” Ghost gave him the options and before Dick could argue and beg again he compromised further. “It is not a permanent solution but if you still want me when you are more coherent then you may use me to your heart’s content.”

“I…That…” Dick bit his lip to keep for begging again, that had already proved useless and he was being given a little hope of getting what he wanted. “…Promise?”

“I promise.” Ghost relaxed just a fraction. “What would you prefer?”

“Meds. Sedate me or whatever.” Dick was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hold out very long otherwise and if it meant he could get what he needed later than he was willing to endure the nightmares that were sure to plague him.

“Alright.”

“And take your shirt off.” Ghost looked about to deny him but Dick didn’t let him and whimpered out tiredly. “I just need skin contact, please. I’m so cold.”

In the end, Ghost relented to the small demand but only after Dick had swallowed a pair of pills on his own accord, as he did, Dick blocked out the thoughts about how he shouldn’t be so trusting, the paranoia telling him he shouldn’t be making himself so vulnerable (because he _wanted_ to be vulnerable, just _once_ , for crying out loud!).

Finally, Ghost guided Dick back onto the bed and pulled him into his arms, a hand cupped behind Dick’s head to keep his face in the crook of Ghost’s neck, his other arm wrapped around the younger man’s waist to keep them pressed to one another, sharing body heat with their legs tangled together and one of Dusan’s thighs slotted between Dick’s. It was intimate but it trapped Dick, made it so that he couldn’t move to get more.

It wasn’t long before Dick gave in and curled into the other omega’s warm pale skin, it felt like the smallest victory and chased away a little of the bone deep chill that still had him shivering, but it was nowhere enough, like a single drop a water in his parched throat.

Luckily, he didn’t have to think about it too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Dick feel when he's back in his right mind? How will deal with situation?  
> It's clear how Ghost feels about Dick, but will Dick ever be able to reciprocate?  
> And tell me- IF these two really do hook up, do you want to see it in an actual smut chapter or should it be 'off screen' with only the aftermath shown?
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> What do you think is coming? What do you think is foreshadowing? What would you like to see (other than a rescue)? Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Remember: Comments are my only reward for my work, they give me life and motivate me to write faster.


	32. Romance Is Overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick and Ghost have a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being really hard to write because there was so much to unpack, so many references to slip in and I was trying to do a whole thing with Dick's thought process and I don't know if I succeeded. Plus, I had to pause a couple of times to write other scenes and oneshots for this universe that suddenly popped into my head (not sure when to share them because spoilers).  
> Either way, sorry I kept you waiting. I'm hoping the characters will let me go into chapters with more action now.  
> Enjoy the NightGhost.

Dick wasn’t sure how long it took to recover enough lucidity to allow him to think straight, after the crazy desperation that felt like a bizarre pseudo-heat (as he’d started calling it in his head) he had in fact lost coherence for a while when the fever spiked further.

Through it all he was allowed to stay with White Ghost and nobody disturbed him. Well, nobody that he was aware of, for all he knew people might have been hassling Dusan about him while he was out cold but he doubted anyone would care.

It was peaceful in a way and he was grateful not to have to deal with the presence of others, but it was horrible altogether because he spent most of that time in abject agony.

The medication helped to an extent but never fully, he couldn’t be knocked out all the time and while awake the medication numbed him at best and at worst had him in a fevered stupor. He was sure there were times where he tried to climb Ghost like a tree again but the sedatives had him too weak to act on his desires and he couldn’t remember much of those moments, all the details were fuzzy and warped.

And then clarity finally came and Dick should have been relieved but he wasn’t, he felt horrible.

Dick had no idea what time it was when world came back into focus but he was alone in Dusan’s bed in clothes that weren’t his (but smelled so good) and there was water and food on the bedside table.

Rather than get up, he stared blankly at the ceiling for a long time, taking stock of the different levels of discomfort his body was providing while he tried his best to make sense of what had happened and what to do next.

He was drained and cold and his insides felt like lead and live eels but the fever was down, the anxiety was in the backburner and his emotions no longer seemed mercurial and volatile like some explosive chemical reaction.

The craving was still there, he could feel Talia’s absence like a giant gash within his ribcage, but at that moment it felt more like a slowly bleeding wound and less like a whole missing limb.

All in all, Dick just felt like he was wasting away, he was too tired for strong emotions, too worn out to even panic, it left him numb in an odd melancholic way.

Dick felt very much like a heroin addict in withdrawal, the problem was that sort withdrawal weaned a person and addicts could get better. He wasn’t going to get better and he knew it, living with a rejected claim was akin to living with a chronic illness.

Sure, there was that fairy tale possibility of an incomplete bond becoming weakened over the years but Dick had never seen a claim being broken completely, at least not enough for another to take its place. In fact, a claimed omega abandoned by their alpha generally had crappy odds at survival and those that did live did not live well.

Dick was pretty sure he was strong enough to survive, specially since he had no emotional attachment to Talia, but he didn’t know if he wanted to if he didn’t find a coping mechanism or something to ease the constant suffering he’d be in. He had already been trying to self-medicate with alcohol even before he accepted what was happening to him but as much of a relief as that had been for short periods he couldn’t see it becoming a habit because it just wasn’t enough in the long run.

All in all, Dick figured he’d have to go through some trial and error with medication or maybe he’d just lose his mind again and start sleeping around in a weak attempt to replace Talia and get a little endorphin rush.

Speaking of which, he was absolutely mortified.

He needed to thank Ghost for showing so much restraint but Dick was so ashamed that he didn’t know if he could look the other omega in the eye anymore. He owed Dusan the biggest of apologies.

It wasn’t a matter of pride, it was an issue of simple respect.

Ghost had acted as if Dick needed to be saved from himself, as if Dusan was the one taking advantage of the situation, but Dick felt differently- in his eyes he’d basically forced himself on the Ghost, tried to seduce and coerce and even goad despite repeated rejection.

Dick had been pushy with partners before, mostly when he was in heat and desperate, but he’d _never_ ignored an outright ‘no’ and he’d never touched anyone against their will before.

It didn’t matter that he wasn’t in his right mind when he tried to seduce Ghost, it didn’t matter that Ghost was the only one in the island that could help lessen his pain, none of that excused his behavior, he’d been the villain and that made him no better than the drunks that assaulted omegas in the bars of Bludhaven.

Dick felt like the lowest of the low. Paradoxically, he also felt humiliated by the rejection.

That wasn’t all though, Ghost had been worried that Dick would hate him afterwards but he wouldn’t have hated Dusan at all, if anything he would have pitied the man and hated himself even more for giving Ghost false hopes.

He wasn’t going to pretend he wasn’t attracted to Dusan, he was, how could he not be? The man was handsome and didn’t even know it; and he was kind to Dick, a type kindness that he hadn’t felt in so long that it was almost foreign. Ghost was the first person to truly want him for him and treat him like someone special after years being nothing than a tool and an extension of the kids.

Of course Dick was attracted to Dusan, maybe if he got to know him better he might even ‘ _like’_ him despite being unable to trust an Al Ghul. Dusan was good to him, cared about him, took care of him despite how it went against the whole ideal of ‘survival of the fittest’ that the League lived by. That was exactly why Dick felt like crap.

He hated himself for liking Dusan so much because it felt like he was betraying Bruce by just feeling anything at all. On the other hand, he hated himself for not liking Dusan enough, not like the man liked him.

Maybe he was overthinking it, they didn’t know each that well, they had shared some intense moments but in the end they hadn’t known each other that long. Maybe it was just physical chemistry.

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder- why couldn’t he have feelings for Ghost? Why couldn’t he care about Dusan as much as the man cared about him? Why did he feel so conflicted about it?

It felt cruel and unfair and Dick didn’t want to be that person, didn’t want to string someone along, but he had nobody else to give him that sort of affection and he didn’t want to let that go no matter how selfish it seemed. And of course, the part of him still suffering from the withdrawal was very desperate not to let go of the one thing that could make him feel good.

A dark conniving part of Dick actually told him to use this, to take advantage of Ghost’s feelings and use the man for his own gain, maybe if he played his cards right Ghost might give him the edge he needed to finally escape, maybe he could sow enough discord between the Al Ghuls to get some semblance of revenge.

Except Dick couldn’t do any of that, he wasn’t that cruel and he wouldn’t lower himself to Talia’s level and use people’s emotions like that. Besides, Ghost wasn’t high enough in the hierarchy to really plant any discord and, after tasting withdrawal Dick didn’t dare try to escape, he was too scared and too tired, his willpower and strength were too battered and corroded to face that much suffering in the long run.

Maybe if he had enough incentive he’d still be fighting to get out, but he had none- he was never going to see Bruce again and even if he did, why would Bruce want him as he was now? What were the odds Bruce hadn’t found someone else already? Even if Bruce did still want him out of some sense of duty or loyalty, Dick was still someone else’s claim, he could never bond and he’d just be a burden with the withdrawal poisoning him.

It was still painful to think about but Dick had given up on ever going back to his old life, so what was really holding him back? Why couldn’t he just latch onto the one good thing in his current nightmare? Why couldn’t he love Dusan? Just a little bit? Why was his heart so damn adamant about not cheating on Bruce?

Was it even cheating? They were a couple for such a short amount of time and they’d been apart for so long, so were they even still a thing? Had they _ever_ been a thing at all? It was getting hard to tell the more time passed.

Bruce probably had someone new so why couldn’t Dick? Besides, he’d been with Talia so often that it felt a little bit hypocritical not to call it cheating, even if he didn’t really want it he had still given into it more than enough times for it to be betrayal.

Dick sighed heavily and dug his palms into his eyes. He really was overthinking.

He couldn’t let himself spiral so much just because he was feeling guilty on so many levels, couldn’t give in to these stupid emotions, couldn’t allow himself to dwell on feelings for too long or the pain would drive him mad, he had to put it all in a box and shove it to the back of his mind.

Speaking of guilt, the boys were probably so angry that Dick had pushed them away. He knew it could have been worse, he could have snapped and hurt them when he wasn’t in his right mind, but nonetheless he had still shoved them aside and left when all they wanted was to help.

The twins were all he had, all he lived for, and he couldn’t even do right by them because of his stupid selfish needs.

Jesus, how much more of a fuck up could become?

A soft click jolted Dick out of his thoughts before he could start overthinking again, the door opened and Dick was startled just enough to sit up on the bed. It was only Ghost, looking tired and perspired for a change, like had been running a whole marathon in that heavy cloak of his.

“You are awake.” White Ghost remarked as he closed the door behind him and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Are you lucid?”

“Yeah, I’m all here.” Dick sighed tiredly but nodded. “How long was I out?”

“A pair of days.” Ghost removed his cloak, folded it over a chair and approached the bed, giving him a once-over. “You still seem ill.”

“You don’t look so hot yourself, big D.” Dick retorted dryly.

“Your children can be very exhausting when you are not around to control them.” It sounded like an explanation but to Dick’s mind it felt like an accusation.

“Control them?” Dick scrunched his face incredulously. “Who says I control them?”

“Whatever it is you do, it keeps them focused.” Ghost took a seat on the far end of the bed. “They become little hellions without you around. Talented but difficult.”

“They are toddlers, you can’t blame them for being a little…” Dick turned defensive right away but the older omega waved his concerns away.

“I never said it was a bad thing. Strong personalities and confidence are valuable things in our world, Mara is much the same. They simply need to learn discipline.”

“Whatever.” He huffed and sunk down into the pillows, too drained to argue.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ll never be warm again. Like my life force is slowly being sucked out of me…Which is kinda true now that I think about it.” Dick made a pensive sound and then shrugged. “You’d think I’d be used to be being in pain by now.”

“Nobody should have to handle that much pain.” Ghost pat Dick’s hand encouragingly but his tone went from irked to flattering. “Though you do so admirably, it is impressive.”

“Right…” He dragged the word with all the sarcasm he could muster (the League really had a skewed sense of what was impressive), but the touch was nice.

A brief silence settled in, tense enough to taste in the air with Ghost staring at Dick like there was something burning on his tongue. It wasn’t long before Dusan gave in, unable to hold back anymore.

“Richard, I believe I should apologize for…”

“No.” Dick interrupted sharply and finally sat up straighter.

“No?”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me. I’m the one that owes you an apology, I acted like…” _Like a pathetic little whore_ , his mind provided but he shoved the bitter thought away. “I tried to use you and I was way out of line. I’m really sorry.” Dick injected as much earnestness and shame as he could into his tone, it wasn’t hard.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I really do though, you were kind to me and I took advantage of that, I’ve even been outstaying my welcome in your room. I really am sorry.”

“It is a big room. You are welcome to stay as long as you want.” Ghost gave a tiny smile, half concerned and half hopeful.

“Either way, I’ve been nothing but a burden and I’m sorry.” Dick sighed and looked away, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously, it felt stiff and itchy. “And… Hm… Thank you.”

“You do not have to thank me, I am sure if the situation were reversed you would have aided me as well.”

“No, I mean, thank you for… You know… Holding back?” Dick cringed and risked a glance at the man.

“Ah.” Ghost breathed out the sound and nodded in understanding. “I knew you would not have consented to such things if you were in your right mind.”

“Not true. In different circumstances I might have… You are a better catch than you think. Give yourself some credit.” Dick babbled inelegantly and then cleared his throat. “But yeah, you could have given in or, hell, you could have kicked me out for how pushy I was, but instead you were really thoughtful and helped, I appreciate the respect.”

“I merely did what any decent person would.”

“People aren’t usually that decent, Dusan. I was offering myself on a silver platter and actively seducing you, most men wouldn’t think twice about my mental state.” Dick grimaced because it was true, he’d seen it far too many times in his career.

“Call it omega sympathy then.” It was Dusan’s turn to shrug. “I understand what it is like to ruled by instincts and regret things we do in moments of insanity. I wouldn’t wish it on someone I care about.”

“So you care about me?” Dick smiled, just a little, just enough to lighten the mood.

“I…” Ghost hesitated, color rapidly tinting his pale face as he began to speak a little too fast. “I thought that was rather obvious at this point but if it makes you uncomfortable…”

“Chill, big D. I already knew that, I’m just teasing.” Dick chuckled but it was a tired sound. “To be honest, I’m flattered.”

“You are?” Dusan looked genuinely surprised by that.

“How could I not be? I’m a walking disaster, you’ve seen me at my worst and you still like me? A hot powerhouse like you? Of course I’m flattered.” Dick tried to laugh but he couldn’t, all he could do was snort embarrassingly. “In fact, I… Well… I’m not saying it’s the same but I kinda like you too.” Or he could, if allowed himself.

“You do not have to say that to be polite.” Ghost clicked his tongue, he sounded skeptical but the hint of pink on his cheeks didn’t fade at all.

“I’m not.” Dick insisted but decided the situation was way too awkward and it was time to run away. “Anyway, I don’t know how long before I start losing my mind again, I should probably get out of your hair while I can. I need to get back to the kids.”

White Ghost watched as Dick tried to get out of bed and wobbled the minute his feet touched the ground, Dusan grabbed the younger man’s wrist to keep him put. “Stay a while longer. We have things to discuss.”

“Like…?” Dick frowned a little, despite his numb calm he felt uncomfortable in his own skin and just wanted to go hide in shame.

“Medication. What helped and what didn’t, what to do next.”

“You don’t have to do anything else, you’ve done so much already. You’re not responsible for me.”

Also, Dick was a goddamn prisoner, every time he lowered his guard for something good, he ended up suffering for it. Wasn’t the whole point of his caged existence to suffer? That’s what he had gotten used to, he didn’t understand why Ghost would want to make him feel better and it made him nervous.

Another tongue click from Ghost, annoyed this time, and the man pulled Dick back onto the bed. “Please, Richard, do not argue. Indulge me.”

“…Alright.” Dick agreed reluctantly but tried to maintain some control over the situation, truth be told he didn’t know if he had the energy to leave, he was still shivering and craving body warmth like a junkie. “I’ll stay if you warm me up.”

Ghost choked at those words, the hint pink deepening into crimson and climbing up to his ears. “But…”

“Not like that. Like you did before, dummy.” Dick did laugh that time, just a bit.

“Oh.” Ghost stated, oh so eloquently. He cleared his throat and nudged the tray of now cold food. “Very well but you should eat first.”

“Tell you what, I will eat while you go clean up.” Dick gestured at Ghost’s messy hair and slightly sweat-damp clothes.

Ghost looked relieved, probably expected Dick to be difficult or argue. He gave a short nod and immediately headed for the dresser, rummaging around for clothes before disappearing into the annexed bathroom without a word.

As promised, Dick reached for the food. He wasn’t sure he could stomach much but he was hungry enough to try so before he could second guess himself, he started shoveling cold scrambled eggs into his mouth with pieces of flatbread and hummus, washing it all down with equally cold tea. It wasn’t too bad and he was finished before Ghost returned, so he flopped back onto bed and slipped back into his thoughts.

Ghost reemerged not long after in casual clothes and damp hair in a loose braid, he took a seat on the edge of the bed and seemed to be examining Dick for a minute before deciding whether or not it was safe to approach, which was dumb because it was his bed. They ended up sitting together against the headboard, feeling incredibly awkward and unsure of what was appropriate.

They talked for a bit. Ghost explained that when Dick got worse, he tried a couple of different medications until he found what seemed to help the most; he asked if Dick remembered anything and they compared notes on the different sensations as only omegas could understand, they discussed the best options Dick had for the time being. Mostly, all they could do was fight the symptoms before they got too out of hand but there was no fixing the source, not until Talia came back.

There was huge elephant in the room that neither wanted to address, the weird new impasse in their relationship. For all they knew, sleeping together could help but was that a good enough reason to do it? Could they really be platonic about something like that? Dick didn’t think so, but he didn’t know how to approach the subject.

“We really need to talk about it, don’t we?” Dick blurted out, reluctantly when the conversation trailed off into a jittery quiet.

“If you wish.” Ghost knew right away what he meant but wouldn’t look the younger man in the eye.

“Did you mean it? Your promise?”

“Does it matter? You do not want it.”

Dick frowned at the man’s dejected tone. “Answer me, Dusan.”

“I did.” Ghost took a steadying breath and finally looked Dick in the eye again. “I would not lie, but I knew you’d never want it if you had a choice.”

“Don’t make that decision for me.” The retort was snippy. Dick crossed his arms, partially to control shaking but also out of impatience.

“Then what is it you want, Richard?”

“I don’t know.” Dick was honest, he felt numb about the whole idea and took a second to think it through and try to make his words tactful but in the end all that came out was bluntness. “I don’t know if sex can even mean anything to me anymore but I know that if I get that far gone again I’m going to want it, I’m going to want anything that can replace _her_ and make me feel _something_ …”

“Richard…”

“Let me finish.” Dick cut Ghost’s concern off before it could bloom and tried to course correct his line of thought. “That doesn’t mean I’d hate it, if it’s you I… You’re the only one I…” Dick huffed, frustrated because he sounded like a teenager but felt like an asshole. “Look, you just have to understand that it’s not about feelings.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to, it can be purely physical.” Ghost offered, sounding casual and looking neutral, as if this was a simple business transaction. It was a mask but a polite one.

“That has never worked for me.” It hadn’t, Dick’s sexual attraction to people had always depended on his emotional connection to them. “I don’t want to just use you. I do care about you, I trust you, I just don’t want to give you false hopes.”

“I never had any hopes, Richard.” Ghost actually rolled his eyes, Dick had never seen him to that and couldn’t have imagined it until that moment.

“Why not?” The confused question slipped out before he even thought it through.

“That is an odd question.” Now Ghost was the confused one.

“What I mean is…” Dick paused because he really wasn’t sure why Ghost’s reaction bothered him. “Look, if you weren’t getting your hopes up because we barely know each other and you understand that my situation is too fucked up then that’s fine, but if it’s because of your messed up self-esteem issues then I don’t want to contribute to that.”

“How does that saying go?” Ghost grinned a little cynically. “Pan calling the kettle black?”

“Pot, not pan.” Dick muttered, unamused.

“Same difference.” Ghost grabbed Dick’s shaky hand even as he gave a tiny shrug. “Your sense of self-worth is far worse than my own.”

“With good reason.” Dick snapped but didn’t pull away from the touch. Dusan knew he was a wreck, had seen his instability over and over again, but at least Dick had a whole shopping list of excuses for it.

“Let’s not get into this now.” Ghost shook his head wearily.

“Stop running from the subject.”

“What would you have me say, Richard?” The older omega sounded as impatient as younger did.

“What it is you want.” Dick moved onto his knees so he could face Ghost and framed the man’s face with his hands to keep him from looking away. “Not what you think I need, what _you_ want.”

“I want you.” Ghost replied without hesitation, a little spark of pink blooming easily in his serious pale face. “But not if it means it will hurt you.”

“What if I don’t feel the same way you do? What if I _can’t_ feel the same way?”

“I am not asking you to.” Ghost stared at Dick so intensely and earnestly that for a second it felt like those crimson eyes were hotter than Superman’s laser vision. “I want you in any way you will have me.”

Dick didn’t reply right away, instead he let his hands fall away from Ghost’s warm skin and leaned back, considering those words for a moment. He could work with that, couldn’t he? If he stopped making such a big deal out of everything maybe he and Ghost could have something beneficial, it didn’t have to be perfect.

“What are you thinking?” Ghost asked, snapping Dick out of his thoughts.

“This situation with the withdrawal makes everything too complicated.” It wasn’t a complete lie but it was a way to stall.

“Perhaps it would be best if we do not overthink things.” The older omega reached for Dick’s hand to pull it away from the younger man’s neck, he hadn’t noticed that he was nervously digging his nails into the numb tingling skin again until that moment but made and effort to relax when Ghost started brushing a thumb along his knuckles.

“Like a ‘friends with benefits’ sort of thing? I’ve never done that before.”

“I have.” Ghost another shrug so small that it was more of a head tilt. “It’s not so hard.”

“And you’d be fine with that?”

“Of course.” Ghost sounded so confident, so downright hopeful, that Dick was tempted to believe it could work.

Dick fell into a thoughtful silence again, unconsciously letting his fingertips trail around Ghost’s palm as he considered this new option. It was rather ironic that he was wasting so much energy agonizing over a relationship that was meant to be casual when he had always been so certain of his feelings in the past.

It wouldn’t be easy. Dick had always been a romantic, he’d always been a people pleaser by nature and had a very innate need to be liked by everyone, he hated hurting people’s feelings. As much as he mocked certain people for being overdramatic the truth was that he was dramatic to the core as well, it was in his carnie blood, so it was hard for him to not get too involved, to not catch feelings, to not make a big deal out of things.

Then again, he didn’t want romance without Bruce and he wasn’t perfect by any means, he wasn’t above manipulation if the end justified the means and in this case the pros certainly outweighed the cons, after all he couldn’t focus on the kids and on staying alive if he felt like death warmed over every waking minute of the day, he needed an outlet.

Maybe he could do this- no pressure, just friendship and casual sex, right? He just needed to let go of his issues and stop overanalyzing for five minutes.

What did he have to lose anyway? He could die at any moment so why was he overthinking and hesitating? This was never going to be a long-term thing.

If Ghost got hurt then at least he knew what he was signing up for, that wouldn’t be Dick’s fault, he wasn’t responsible for other people’s hearts and didn’t want to be. And hey, maybe they’d be good for each other, maybe if Dick made Ghost happy every once in a while, he’d be sentimental enough to watch over the twins and be kind to them when Dick was gone.

Surprisingly, it was that last part that lifted the burden from Dick’s chest, the weight he hadn’t realized was there, and made everything fall into place and feel clear and simple once more. It gave him feel less selfish, let him focus.

As long as he wasn’t doing it for himself it was fine, he didn’t want to be selfish because he didn’t think he deserved it but if it was for the kids then he didn’t really have to worry about feelings, he didn’t have to feel at all, he could just exist in the numbness and that was fine, that was easy.

“You know what? I’m game.” Dick announced before he could lose his nerve, letting out a strangely relieved breath.

“Are you certain?” Ghost looked a little skeptical but friendly too, he was truly trying not to pressure.

“As much as I can be of anything right now.” Dick tried to smile reassuringly, it felt plastic, pulling stiffly at the corners of his lips. “So if something happens, it happens. Might as well try to make the best of it.”

To emphasize his decision, Dick leaned forward and placed the lightest kiss in existence on Ghost’s lips, just a soft brush of mouths breathing in each other’s air, barely more than a peck.

When he pulled back Ghost’s expression was controlled and pleased but his face was rapidly turning an alarming shade of scarlet and that made Dick smile for real, it was cute how easily he pull a reaction for man that was always stoic around everyone else… He needed to cut that line thought before he started making comparisons to someone else though.

Dick settled more comfortably on the bed and pulled Ghost closer to him, now that they had an understanding he didn’t see the need to hold back, the cold and anxiety that he’d been trying to ignore started cascading back into his awareness and couldn’t resist curling to Ghost’s warm body for some shred of comfort.

Ghost looked relieved that Dick had made the first move but as he reclined against the headboard he watched Dick cling to him with some concern, as if he couldn’t believe what just happened and needed to be sure Dick was in his right mind.

Dusan reached out and ran his knuckles along Dick’s forehead and cheek under the pretext of checking his temperature; his skin smelled nice- that familiar omega scent mixed with a soft understated soap, something like patchouli and maybe cotton-flower. Dick leaned into the touch and inhaled slowly, letting it settle his jittery nerves.

“It’s so weird.” Dick murmured, practically rubbing his nose under Ghost’s jaw. “How can you smell so much like her and yet so damn different at the same time?”

“Genetics are odd that way.” Ghost’s hand ran through Dick’s messy hair and rested on the back of his head, encouraging him to stay close.

“I guess.” Dick never had biological siblings so he had never thought about it until he met Ghost.

“Your scent is usually quite appealing too. I am not the only one who thinks so.”

“Usually?” Dick grinned, cheeky, couldn’t resist being a tease.

“Withdrawal does you no favors.” Ghost buried his nose in Dick’s hair and inhaled but sounded sad even though he was clearly trying to keep the mood light.

“Then what do I smell like right now?” He was curious, he was very rarely aware of his own scent and couldn’t really pick it up at that moment.

“Slightly more like yourself than before.”

“What was it like before?”

“Nothing.”

“Huh?” Dick’s nose scrunched in confusion at that answer, he pulled away from Ghost’s body just enough to look him in the eye.

“The deeper you went into withdrawal the less your scent came out.” Ghost traced new sets of scratches on Dick’s neck as he explained. “By the time I found you at my door you had almost no scent at all, it was very alarming.”

“That explains why the kids looked freaked.” Dick sighed, it also explained why the nannies had been treating him like glass. However, it did pose another question. “So even when I was all over you…?”

“There was something there, yes, but your natural scent felt dulled, like a ghost of what it should be.”

“Sounds unpleasant.” Maybe that had been how Dusan had resisted him, though Dick didn’t remember it that way at all.

“No, your scent is never unpleasant.” Ghost emphasized this by pulling Dick closer and inhaling against his hair again. “It is just saddening, like a piece of you is missing. It makes me want to search for it in every inch of your skin.”

“Well, now you can.” It was meant to be teasing but came out earnest and almost shy.

Ghost didn’t reply, just made a small sound of agreement and held Dick against his chest. The silence that followed wasn’t awkward anymore, it was companionable and easy.

Both of their clothes were in the way, Dick wanted body heat but was quickly turning too lethargic to move.

The shirt he was wearing was a little too big and definitely Ghost’s, probably meant to be warm but Dick still felt chilled down to his core. However, the garments did smell very comforting- it wasn’t just Ghost’s scent, they also held the aroma of fabric softener and sunshine that reminded Dick a bit of laundry day at the manor when he’d wake to fresh towels and clean sweaters still warm from the ironing board.

Dick missed Alfred, not just the food and the way the beta took care of everyone but the sass and the sarcasm too. He missed not being handled with kid gloves or having people walk on eggshells around him.

“What are you thinking?” Ghost asked for the second time that day, he always seemed curious about Dick’s thoughts and opinions and was something Dick didn’t have much in captivity either.

“That I miss home.” Dick replied mournfully. “Well, not _home_ home, not anymore, just… Where I grew up.”

“The place or the people?”

“Both.”

“The detective?” Ghost guessed, it sounded innocent but Dick couldn’t help but tense up, he couldn’t tell what Ghost was thinking or what the question meant.

Dick reminded himself that Ghost didn’t know the sort of relationship he and Bruce had, he couldn’t know, could he? Yet, the paranoid side of him told him this was some sort of emotional trap.

“…Did you ever meet him?” He asked, hesitantly, trying to figure out what Dusan thought of Bruce, if he shared Ra’s or Talia’s fascination with the man or if he hated him for that precise reason.

“I did, briefly.” Ghost sounded perfectly casual, like he had no opinion at all.

“Did you fight him?” Dick tested further.

“No, quite the opposite. I aided him.” Ghost’s reply was light but neutral, like it a big deal.

“What does that mean?” Dick muttered, confused but somewhat relieved by the nonchalance.

“It does not matter, it has been a long time.” Ghost’s hand travelled down Dick’s spine soothing away the tension, his tone remained nonchalant. “You said his name often in your sleep and in the more feverish moments, almost as much as you called for Talia.”

“…I don’t remember any of that.” He really didn’t but he had no doubt it was true. Dick tried not to tense up again, he feared _why_ this was being brought up now but knew it would be suspicious to change the subject.

“Can I ask something personal?” Ghost sounded at ease and his scent was pleasantly calm but Dick still felt a terrible sense of foreboding.

“Shoot.” He tried to come out as confident but felt his heart hammering against his ribs like it was trying to escape.

“Talia would have us believe she chose you because you were a worthy stand-in for him, someone almost as strong as the Batman and that knows his every skill and therefore the best option to carry and train her children. I believe she merely chose you out of jealousy.”

“Is there a question in there somewhere?” Dick frowned and pulled back again to look at Ghost with displeasure, though not enough to break contact.

“I think he loved you and she would not share. Am I accurate?” Ghost still didn’t sound jealous or judgmental or any of the things Dick expected, just very serious.

“And you would? Share, that is?” Dick evaded, trying to buy a little time to figure out the true meaning of the question.

“I believe I am doing so already.” Boy, was Dick going to overanalyze that answer later, but he couldn’t right then because Ghost added a firm- “Do not avoid the question.”

“You’re smart, Dusan. You don’t need me to confirm the obvious, so why are you really asking?” Dick snapped sharply but the glare he intended was just a tired look of resignation.

“…Forget I said anything.” Apparently, Dick’s reaction was enough to make Ghost hesitate and chicken out.

“Do you want to know if I loved him back? If I still love him?” Dick’s detective instincts told him that had to be the whole point of this conversation and despite his anxiety he decided then that it was better to lay all his cards on the table, if it scared Dusan off then so be it.

“Yes.” Ghost admitted, honestly and impossible to read.

“I did and I do. We were partners and pack for a long time, he’s part of me, has been for years. I will never not love him, I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to stop loving him.” Dick admitted because it was truth, he refused to deny it no matter how much Talia punished him for it. “But what I feel doesn’t mean anything anymore, I’m claimed.”

Ghost gave a noncommittal hum as a reply but didn’t seem upset, just deep in thought.

“You still want me though. Does the fact that I love him and belong to her not matter to you?” Dick wondered. He didn’t quite understand Ghost’s reactions.

“Your emotions are your own, not mine to judge. Loving one person does not negate feelings for others. All relationships are unique after all.” Ghost philosophized with a patient calm that Dick envied. “As for Talia, I could not care less.”

“We _are_ keeping this…” Dick gestured back and forth at the space between the two of them with whole new wave of anxiety rolling through him. “…whatever this is, a secret though, aren’t we?”

“Tt. I am not afraid of my sister.” Ghost’s patience clearly didn’t extend to Talia and it was almost funny how the implication annoyed him more than Dick confessing his feelings for Bruce.

“I didn’t mean that, I just assumed… I don’t have the energy to antagonize her further.” Dick let out a tired breath, not quite a sigh, he closed his eyes and dropped his head onto Dusan’s chest.

“You are right, for your sake she should not know about this arrangement. It is none of her business.” Ghost mused, wrapping both arms around Dick because he was starting to shiver a lot more noticeably.

“Yeah, she already has enough creative ways to hurt me. No need to give her more ammo.” Dick agreed bitterly.

“Precisely.”

“What about you?” Dick shifted to hold his head in hands and look at Ghost. This time he changed the subject because he didn’t want to talk about Talia anymore, it was making his skin crawl and causing him to ache in all the wrong ways.

“Excuse me?” Ghost was thrown by the question.

“You ever love someone like _that_?” Dick was referring to the way he spoke of Bruce and he knew Ghost caught onto it.

The older man thought about it for a moment and gave Dick a rather cryptic glance. “Perhaps.”

“Mara’s sire?” Dick guessed because he knew nothing of Ghost’s love life beyond the fact that he had a kid.

“Oh, no. That was different.” Ghost chuckled as if the thought was ridiculous.

“Different how?”

“He was… interesting.” Ghost smiled, not the usual small conspiring smile of the Al Ghuls but a real sunny one that changed his face completely as he reminisced. “A metahuman that the master saw as a potential heir much like the detective or the terminator. I was sent on a mission where we would be forced to work together, I was to attempt to recruit him.”

“And did you?” Dick was curious and for some reason hearing Dusan talk distracted him from how sick he felt.

“No, he refused.” Ghost’s smile widened a little more, as if there was some private joke that Dick wasn’t in on. “Like Wilson he is a man very keen to get blood on his hands but like your detective, he has a strict moral code and would not work with the League.”

“So how did you two…?”

“The master found him fascinating, for someone so vicious and passionate and so incredibly perceptive to still have such a code was intriguing. Ra’s Al Ghul wanted to study him, test him.”

“So he sent you after the guy.”

“Yes.” Ghost gave a short nod and played with the ends of Dick’s hair, his mind clearly elsewhere. “He was impossible to defeat in a fair fight, his brand of violence was messy and ruthless but somehow an utter work of art, and that mind of his could anticipate an opponent’s every move before they even considered it. It was a challenge, a very entertaining one.”

“Sounds like you were smitten.” Dick joked but he wondered if this guy was some vigilante in Bruce’s list of metas.

“Perhaps a little. We had a somewhat open relationship and would gravitate back towards each other when work put us in close contact, it was never dull.”

“If he didn’t join the League, what does he think about his kid being in it?” Dick watched Ghost’s reaction, the man seemed at ease with this topic but mentioning his daughter made something darker shutter his expression.

“Oh, he does not know about Mara.” Ghost replied, his expression and tone becoming guarded.

“Why not?”

“The relationship ended.” The reply was curt as if it made all the sense in the world.

“And you didn’t think he deserved to know?” Dick frowned, he didn’t like that, felt too much like what Talia was doing to Bruce.

“I did not think he would want that tie to the League. It would not have ended well.” Ghost didn’t explain any further but Dick guessed there was a lot more to the story.

Maybe the meta was too violent to be a good parent? Maybe Ghost feared a custody battle? Maybe Ra’s settled for the meta’s offspring since he couldn’t have the man himself? Or maybe the guy would have no interest in Mara at all and Ghost knew that? Either way, at least Dusan hadn’t used the kid to trap the guy in with the League the way Talia definitely planned on doing.

Dick decided that he couldn’t judge without the details and it really wasn’t any of his business anyway.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” He shifted the subject ever so slightly to get away from those murky waters.

“Does it matter?” Ghost sounded curious about Dick’s own curiosity but Dick was getting tired of that question, Dusan really had this habit of disregarding his own wants and feelings as inconsequential and it was irritating. Then again, pot calling the kettle black and all that.

“Hey, I answered so you have to.” Dick smirked, tried to make it playful.

“I do not know. If things were less complicated… Perhaps?” Ghost looked thoughtful, like the option hadn’t ever crossed his mind. “It was never love, regardless of his lifestyle he already has his soulmate.”

“Never thought you’d be the type to believe in stuff like that.” Dick was surprised but he really shouldn’t have been, considering the mysticism around the Al Ghul family and even Talia’s obsession with Bruce it shouldn’t have been a surprise that they would believe in such romantic notions.

“Soulmates? You do not?” Ghost smiled but it was the smile Dick was most used to- the small amused one of somebody who knew more than they let on.

“I don’t know. I used to when I was younger and naïve but nowadays... Nothing really matters anymore.” Dick shrugged and slumped back down on Ghost’s chest, his mood dropping back into numbness.

Why would it matter? He wasn’t planning on living long enough to ride into the sunset with anyone anyway. Besides, if soulmates were real then Dick’s would have been Bruce.

From the moment Dick and Bruce had met they had completed each other in various ways, complemented one another and helped each other grow. Their relationship had always been special even when it was platonic, even when mentor became friend and friend became partner and it all evolved into pack, into family; it had been carved into Dick’s soul long before their feelings had changed into something romantic, it had been a living organic thing between them before he even knew what romance was.

But Talia had torn them apart, dug her claws into the connection and ripped it to shreds, she’d poisoned it the moment her teeth sunk into Dick’s flesh. He could never have Bruce again so why bother with fairy tales?

Because that was the definition soulmates- pretty fairy tale to give hope to the lonely and validate the romantics. Dick was too hopeless and too jaded for such stories, all he had were memories and feelings of what used to be and what could have been, things that hurt so much that sometimes he wished he’d never had them in the first place.

Dick’s thoughts must have shown in his face somehow or maybe they had messed with his almost inexistent scent because Ghost stared at him with an expression of concern and understanding, he didn’t say anything but unconsciously pulled Dick a little closer to his body and tried to scent him cheek to cheek, it was affectionate and chaste.

“You should stay here tonight. Your scent will only upset the boys if you leave now.” It wasn’t an excuse but there was definitely an ulterior motive, Ghost wasn’t ready to let go yet.

Nothing intimate was going to happen between them that night, despite their agreement the mood was all wrong after all that talk, but that didn’t mean there weren’t other things they could do for Dick to feel better and to calm Ghost’s protective instincts.

Dick considered his options and figured it was late already so even if he did go check on the kids they’d just end up staying awake all night wanting him to comfort them.

“Ok, just one more night... For now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the thing about Dick in this chapter- he's overthinking everything (and turning all the blame against himself) because his self-worth is tanked and his paranoia has altered his way of thinking, the depression hit a point where he can't see himself as an individual with needs anymore so he has justify everything, needs an excuse for everything or else it can't happen because he doesn't deserve it and fears he'll punished for his selfishness. He needs that way of thinking to keep going, it's toxic but he needs the structure or else he won't be able to compartmentalize things and stay sane. It's a side-effect of prolonged psychological abuse (and untreated depression) that nobody ever talks about and even though I made it obvious I still felt the need to point it out because it's really a thing that more people should talk about.  
> Sometimes it feels like this fic is turning into an introspective exploration of mental illness and trauma (and eventually recovery).
> 
> Aaaaaanyway... Yeah, Dick and Ghost will eventually sleep together and it will be nothing like what people are expecting (or what they themselves are expecting). Not that I have to justify the relationship but remember, there's a reason for all of this in the long run even if it's not endgame.  
> Also, Mara's other parent is a canon character from the comics, have fun guessing who.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> What do you think is coming? What do you think is foreshadowing? What would you like to see (other than a rescue)? Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Remember: Comments are my only reward for my work, they give me life and motivate me to write faster.


	33. Friends With Benefits (Pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins are really mad at Dick, he decides to drown his sorrows about that in a bottle and a Ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got really big so I had to cut it, therefore this one will be a little smaller than usual and the next one will be far more intense (it will be out tomorrow or the day after at most).
> 
> Sorry I'm late, been having some family distractions and some nasty health episodes messing with my head. I promise things will move a little faster this week (can't promise after that because my dad is having major surgery and I'm his only caregiver but I'll still be updating often).

Dick woke up just before dawn, covered in cold sweat and barely breathing from his heart hammering into his lungs.

Ghost was awake, Dick wasn’t sure if the guy had slept at all but he helped Dick calm down and they ended up testing the new medication combo right then and there because he was starting to lose his mind again.

He had been dreaming, a weird combination of a fever dream about Talia and a nightmare about the quiet room and birds, Bruce’s voice was still echoing in his head when he finally managed to calm down and the medication started to kick in. It wasn’t perfect, he was still shaky and in a level of pain that made sure he _never_ forgot Talia wasn’t there, but it allowed him to think and settle into the numbness he craved.

After that Dick couldn’t stay still, he decided he wanted to see his babies, _needed_ to see them. Ghost understood, told him he’d be around if Dick needed him and allowed the young omega to leave.

The kids were still asleep when Dick made it back to their own room but Naima was shocked to see him, she immediately tried to crowd him and figure out if he was alright but regretted it and backed away a moment later when he flinched at her scent.

Dick saw the alarm in her eyes and felt like crap, he was pretty sure he’d done some awful things to her and the others when the withdrawal started to make him lose his head but his memory was a bit foggy on the details.

 **“If you keep acting like that, I can’t let you near them.”** Naima whispered irritably, strict and hiding her concern under impatience like she always did.

Dick wanted to be angry at that comment but he couldn’t, he didn’t want anyone to keep him away from his children but if the situation had been reversed and one of the nannies had started acting unstable like he was, he would have kept them away from the boys too.

With a sigh Dick gestured for the beta to follow him into his room, and once there he kept a few feet of distance but hung his head, dejected and humble.

 **“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting.”** He murmured apologetically.

 **“You have not been well.”** Naima offered, not acknowledging nor refusing his apology. **“You have not been well since… Since the boy left.”**

 **“Yes, and that’s no excuse. I need to be stronger for them.”** Dick tipped his head towards the door to the kids’ room. **“So I apologize, I will try to do better.”**

 **“Let me explain something, Richard.”** Naima came closer, she ignored his wincing and placed a hand on his shoulder with a very serious look on her face. **“We are all here for the children, our lives belong to the betterment of the heirs, and we have orders to restrict your contact with them if at any point you prove incapable of caring for them.”**

 **“I know that. I would never hurt them!”** Dick wanted to growl at the implication, bristled at the threat.

 **“I know.”** She nodded earnestly but squeezed his shoulder, it felt unpleasant and made his nerves buzz with tension but he knew she meant to comfort. **“We care for you, we truly do, but Samir and Fatima were concerned enough that they wanted to inform the masters of your instability, I convinced them that you merely needed time to overcome your illness but you cannot just disappear without warning again! Do not make a liar out of me, Richard, your head is not the only one on the line.”**

Dick resisted the urge to whimper but not over the scolding, it was because he truly did feel ashamed, what sort of person just shoves their kids aside and leaves out of the blue like that? He needed to do better.

 **“I understand… I’m sorry.”** He murmured with his eyes downcast.

 **“We were only told not to worry about your whereabouts. Where have you been?”** Naima demanded instead of accepting his words.

 **“…Getting help.”** Dick offered awkwardly.

 **“Tt. I hope it was worth it.”** She gave him a skeptical once over and finally let go, gesturing at the door. **“Go. Apologize to them, not me.”**

He moved as fast as his feet would carry him and found the boys awake and leaning against the door in their pajamas with wide hopeful eyes, apparently they had heard some of the discussion.

“Boys…” Dick knelt down to their level and reached for them, wanting to hug them more than anything.

“Baba!” Damian practically slammed into him, hugging so hard he nearly choked his father.

Cosmo joined in more tentatively, tugging on Dick’s sleeve for attention and letting Dick sweep him into the hug. Dick held them close and tried to scent them even though they wrinkled their little noses at his faded and distressed scent.

 ** _“I missed you.”_** Dick clung to them tightly. **_“I’m sorry.”_**

Suddenly, Damian bristled as if he had just remembered something and shoved him away, pouting aggressively. **“No.”**

 **“No?”** Dick blinked, a little lost.

 **“You promised!”** Damian yelled and stomped his feet.

 **“Dami…”** Dick tried to reach for the boy again but Damian slapped his hand away.

 **“Promised not to go away!”** The boy yelled even louder at Dick’s tentative tone.

 **“I know, that was mean of me. I’m so sorry, baby…”** He pleaded, not caring how desperate he sounded, and hung his head.

 **“No!”** Damian insisted and grabbed Cosmo, pulling away from Dick’s arms and protectively to his side. **“Can’t break promises! You said!”**

“I did, and you _should_ be mad at me, I did a bad thing breaking my promise.” Dick agreed pitifully, rubbing the back of his neck and resisting the urge to dig his nails in. “I’m sorry, Dami. I was sick, I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to leave, I won’t do it again.”

Damian huffed, scowling and looking away, he refused to let Dick touch him again so Dick turned to Cosmo, hoping at least one of his boys would forgive him, but the younger twin recoiled too and clung to his brother’s arm instead.

“You too, little prince?” Dick sighed in defeat. “What can I do to make you both like me again?”

Damian scowled further, he looked conflicted and seemed to be thinking about the question but, ultimately, he grabbed Cosmo and stomped away angrily over to Naima, hiding behind the woman’s legs.

“Boys, please!” Dick begged, still kneeling on the floor.

 **“No!”** Damian shouted and threw the closest thing he could grab, the robin plushie, right at Dick’s head.

 **“I’m sorry, I love you!”** Dick got up and tried to approach them, he had a hard time swallowing back the whine in his voice.

 **“No!”** Damian yelled again, if he had had anything else at hand he would have thrown it too but since he didn’t he grabbed at his own hair and pulled hard in frustration. That was new, Dick had seen the boy doing all sorts of unorthodox things to himself while stressed or angry but never hair pulling.

 **“No, no, no!”** Cosmo parroted, his tone equally angry but his face didn’t show it, he had on more of a pout before he shoved his thumb into his mouth, with his free hand he tugged Damian’s arm to him, hanging onto it possessively.

 **“Please…”** Dick implored tiredly but stopped trying to come closer because it was clearly just freaking them out.

Naima cleared her throat and turned to the boys, leaning down to look at them properly while she actively ignored Dick’s bewildered and anguished expression.

 **“Do you boys want breakfast?”** She nursemaid asked patiently and watched them nod hesitantly and squirm uncomfortably at the same time. **“Bathroom first?”** The kids nodded again so she ushered them to the bathroom and let them go in alone. **“Alright. Damian help your brother.”**

Damian nodded distractedly and pulled his twin along, throwing another angry scowl at Dick before they smacked the door shut. Dick sighed again and faced the nanny with a depressed expression twisting his features.

 **“How I fix this, Naima?”** He whined openly, not even embarrassed. The twins had never been this angry at him before.

 **“First, you stop whining and begging. You may be barely more than a boy yourself but for them you are the adult. Act like it.”** The beta reprimanded but her tone was soft and her face was full of sympathy.

 **“How do I that?”** Dick frowned tiredly.

 **“Patience. Wait.”** Naima didn’t quite roll her eyes so much as turn them heavenward for a second as she clicked her tongue, she gave Dick a pat on the back that should have been reassuring but was not. **“Tt. They are babies, they will forget their anger in an hour.”**

Despite Naima’s assurances, the twins did not, in fact, forget their anger so quickly. However, it was tricky.

During a very tense breakfast Dick discovered that the boys were angry and determined not to talk to him but they also didn’t want him anywhere out of their sight. In fact they forced him to sit in the same room while they were tutored (or while a tutor spoke and they ignore him) and then wouldn’t eat lunch until Dick started eating too, when naptime came they refused to sleep and though they never said it out loud he knew it was because they feared he’d disappear before they woke up.

Dick understood, he really did, but it still made him feel like crap. The kids were all he lived for and yet he felt like he was failing at that too.

It didn’t help his mood that he had underestimated how hard being around other people was going to be. Naima’s touch had been uncomfortable already but being surrounded and assaulted by more and more adult scents made him so sick and listless that he could barely focus at all, he had to avoid touch like the plague because it had him so anxious and uncomfortable that he felt like his skin would just peel off if one more person touched him.

The afternoon was even worse.

The dojo was usually immaculately clean but even the faintest smell of sweat, the small hint of alpha, had Dick in pain like a metal poker was scrambling his insides, and he had to meditate his way into some semblance of control. It wasn’t obvious to onlookers that he felt dead inside and craved Talia like air but it took all his energy to keep it that way.

The kids refused to listen to him during training and without their nap they were crankier than usual which resulted in injuries… Not their injuries, the ninjas that had drawn the short straw and had to ‘spar’ with them made the mistake of pushing Damian a little too far by tripping him a bit too much and as a result there was a lot of screaming and a broken thumb and some nasty bites were inflicted.

Dick could almost see what Ghost meant about the boys being difficult without him, he should have admonished the kid and given some lesson on fair play, specially in a sparring situation and not a real fight, but he was honestly impressed and secretly proud that his lessons had stuck. Maybe that way the soldiers would learn not to provoke the kids too much.

By sunset the twins were unbelievably fussy and cranky, Damian kept throwing things and getting overstimulated right to the edge of a meltdown and Cosmo had retreated into his head, he didn’t want to do anything and would cry if forced to interact.

It was exhausting to everyone but Dick did mentally catalog the improvements in their training- Cosmo still appeared to not do much of anything but Dick could see that he was getting good at reading body language and dodging on reflex even though he fell more than half the time, and Damian was more moving more nimbly, his movements more practiced and focused despite being a little clumsy. They were toddlers after all and still needed to develop better motor skills.

They were impressive nonetheless, better than a lot of people Dick used to train in his self-defense class back in Bludhaven, though that was probably because the boys weren’t really afraid and didn’t pull their punches automatically like most people did, after all they were being trained from birth to show no fear, this was meant to be their element.

Dinner was a disaster and the kids ended up with more food _on_ them than _in_ them but afterwards they calmed down in the peace of their room and while they didn’t want Dick to cuddle with them, they did passive-aggressively demand that he read for them so he did. They fell asleep two pages into an Egyptian myth about the lioness goddess of war.

The story had a part about disguising beer as blood to calm the goddess by getting her drunk and that spoke to Dick, so after promising Fatima (who he also apologized too) that he wasn’t going to disappear again, he decided to head down to the kitchens.

He didn’t find beer but he found something amber that tasted horribly bitter and burned down his throat and he figured that was as good as anything.

He was a third into the bottle, drinking straight from it, when Ghost showed up, quiet and stealthy but not enough that Dick wouldn’t notice him. The older omega had his hair in a braid again and didn’t say anything until he got close enough to lean back against the counter where Dick was perched upside down, miraculously managing to defy gravity and not spill booze all over himself.

“When I did not see you earlier I assumed you would be here, but I did not guess it would be so soon.” Ghost said in lieu of greeting.

“Boys fell asleep early.” Dick took a swig of the drink, he already felt lightheaded and just a tiny bit warmer than he’d been all day (or maybe being upside down like some circus monkey had something to do with that) but it didn’t help his mood. “They are so pissed at me.”

“They are angry? Why?”

“Because I up and disappeared with no explanation when I went to you, and after the… I promised them I’d never leave them again and I did.” He took a too big swallow in his distress and choked, he had to pull himself up to sit upright as he coughed at the burn. “I left them alone and for them a few hours is a long time, much less a few days. I scared them.”

“I am certain they were happy to have you back regardless.” Ghost tried to comfort and pat Dick’s back as he coughed softly.

“They were suspicious as hell, wouldn’t let me out of their sight but kept shoving me away. Damian threw things at me!” Dick wailed with a dramatic sob. “I’m a terrible parent. They hate me!”

“You are literally the only person that controls those boys and they adore you, do not be so hard on yourself.” Ghost’s hand still rested warmly on Dick’s lower back, and for the first time that day touch was welcome and comforting instead of stressful.

Dick gave a little aborted sob and took another sip, then he realized he was talking to someone who couldn’t even see their own kid and suddenly he felt even worse for his verbal self-flagellation.

“God, all this whining is so not sexy.” He bemoaned just as dramatically as before and took another exaggerated swig, leaning back on his hand.

“Richard, how much have you had to drink already?” Ghost tried to pry the bottle from him but Dick wouldn’t let him, he held it at arm’s length and sloppily shooed the bigger man’s hands away until Ghost gave up with a little amused snicker.

“Not nearly enough.” Dick grumbled, pouty, but after a moment he tentatively held out the bottle. “Want some?”

“Glasses did not occur to you?” Ghost eyed the liquor but didn’t take it right away.

“Afraid to swap spit with me, Casper?” Dick grinned and sloshed the bottle lightly, his anger and sadness didn’t fade but tipsy teasing was as a good a distraction as any.

The reaction was instantaneous, and Dick was never going to get enough of the way Ghost blushed so quickly, the color rising fast in his cheeks, soon it would spread up to his ears and stand out against his pale skin, making his eyes look shinier and even more crimson than usual.

Ghost opened his mouth to reply but Dick’s pleased giggles stopped him and caused him to turn a deeper shade of pink. “Stop teasing me.”

“Why? It’s fun and you know you like hearing me laugh.” Dick brought the bottle back up to his lips but instead of drinking he filled his mouth, fisted a hand a Ghost’s shirt to pull him close and then kissed him abruptly, feeding him the bitter liquid and spilling half of it as their lips slotted together over enthusiastically.

When they broke apart, Dick licked the bitter traces with a sassy grin and watched the way Ghost swallowed and followed the path of his tongue over his own lips. “There. Spit swap successful.”

Ghost looked like he might combust at any second with how blushed he was and how dazed he looked but he soon recovered and moved to stand between Dick’s dangling legs with a bemused little smirk.

“You most definitely drank too much.” It wasn’t really disapproval, more like a blend of playfulness and concern and the former was winning. “Yet, you are right, I do enjoy your laugh.”

“Thank you, captain obvious.” Dick snickered and shimmied closer to the edge of the counter to press his body up to Ghost’s and drape his arms over the man’s shoulders. “You gonna kiss me again or do I have to get you drunk too?”

“If I must.” Ghost gave that tiny smile of his and tipped his head enough to slowly catch Dick’s mouth with his.

Now that he actually had time to enjoy it and focus on kissing Ghost, Dick decided he liked it. He had quite the catalog of kisses in his memory and all were unique; he couldn’t help but compare.

There were the bad ones of course, people like Slade, Catalina and Talia.

Slade wasn’t worth thinking about, there had never been _real_ kissing with him, not when it came to Dick. And Catalina’s kisses were needy, trying to be dominant but wanting attention more than giving it.

As for Talia… Those kisses were still more like bites, always wanting to dominate, all force and teeth and primal instinct, there was no affection and it was less about the kiss and more about making a point, or at least it was when she kissed him specifically.

Dick didn’t think about the bad as kisses, just experiences he’d rather not dwell on. It was the good ones that stuck with him.

Wally kissed playfully, a little clumsily between smiles and laughter, and like everything he did it was always just a little too fast to keep up. Joey kissed sweetly, attentive and submissive but not shy, more like someone allowing their partner to lead a dance so he could just enjoy being carried along. Roy kissed hungrily and demanding, like a man searching for the meaning of life in his partner’s arms, he was also playful and cheeky but, much like Wally, that might have been their youth and inexperience. Kory kissed like there might never be another chance again, it was passionate but also careful and escalated into more very quickly. Babs kissed gently and with so much sweetness, it always felt warm and safe.

And Bruce… Christ, Bruce was in a whole other tier by himself! He kissed like he did everything else- with passion and control, precision even, and single-minded focus and intensity. Kissing Bruce was like being pulled apart and put back together again and again until the alpha knew him down to his soul, it was like drowning and being brought back to life by a lover’s breath.

Kissing Ghost was… Different. It was just as focused and experienced as Bruce but sweet and attentive like Joey, it was less about who led and who followed and more about finding a mutual rhythm that felt equally intense and gentle. It was attentive, trusting, and more than a little addicting, it was the kind of kiss that made a person feel wanted and that said less about Ghost than it did about Dick’s own needs.

Ghost kissed like his whole world had narrowed down to Dick and kissing him was the only thing that mattered and… that was new. Not better than anyone else, just new.

They exchanged sighed breaths as their tongues practically danced, slowly and thoroughly exploring every sharp edge and soft corner of each other’s mouths; the wet sounds loud enough but for their ears only, the bitter taste of alcohol turning into something slightly sweeter. Dick ended up messing up Ghost’s braid by tangling his fingers into that pale hair in some thoughtless attempt to make the kiss last forever with Dusan’s scent slowly wrapping around him like a warm tide.

Dick was breathless and more than a little lightheaded by the time their lips parted but he felt… Better. Not great but much better than he had in a while.

He wasn’t sure if was psychological and he was just feeling better because he told himself it helped his craving and because he was a willing participant for the first in a long time, or if it was physical and something about the intimacy and physical exchange really did scratch some deeply seated itch in his strung out body. Either way he felt better, warmer, lighter, altogether less miserable.

“Take me to bed?” Dick murmured into Ghost’s lips in between slow kisses.

“You are too drunk. Perhaps if I were too it would be somewhat acceptable, but I am not.” Ghost sounded apologetic, even disappointed.

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Casper.” Dick pouted and ran his nose along the older man’s jaw taking in the warm sweet notes of arousal curled in the omega’s scent that made something inside him spark to life. “I can tell you want it.”

“We have been through this before, you are too intoxicated, Richard.” Ghost tried to step back ever so slightly.

“Yeah, we’ve been through this and I gave my full consent.” Dick grabbed Dusan’s shirt and pulled him back in, wrapping his legs around the taller man’s waist to trap him.

“I would still prefer that consent to be enthusiastic rather than inebriated.” Ghost didn’t resist though, his hands climbed slowly up Dick’s thighs and towards his waist.

“Dusan, please don’t be difficult.” Dick pouted but then bowed his head and pressed his forehead to the older man’s shoulder in surrender. “I don’t think I can do it if I’m totally sober and lucid.”

“Is that not a red flag, as you call it?” Ghost’s hands were warm on his trembling back, he sounded concerned again.

“No, I don’t mean I can’t do it, can’t _want_ it, I mean… I mean I can’t initiate it if I’m stone cold sober.” Dick sighed and grabbed the bottle again, shaking it lightly and taking a sip. “Let me cheat a little bit.”

“Why do you feel this way?” It wasn’t a no, Ghost was just trying to understand.

“Because when I’m sober and lucid I… I don’t know how to explain it.” Dick huffed in frustration, how could explain that being completely lucid sucked the color and joy out of the world and made it impossible to just let go? To simply enjoy?

“Try.” Ghost insisted, rubbing wide comforting circles on Dick’s back.

“When I’m clear-headed I can’t be myself because I feel like… Like my skin is wrapped too tight and there’s a weight on my mind dragging me down. It feels like nothing is worth it anymore and everything I do is wrong. I’m always exhausted and everything is just too hard… And not like, the good kind of hard, you know?” Dick couldn’t help the joke but sighed again and straightened enough to take another swallow from the bottle. “Ironically, I feel more like myself when I’m tipsy or too desperate to think straight because I can’t overthink, it’s easier to let go.”

“It is not healthy.” Ghost wasn’t exactly criticizing, just pointing out the obvious.

“Nothing about me is healthy anymore, I’m way past that, D. I’ll settle for functional.” Dick shrugged but then he smiled a bit and raised a hand to cup the older omega’s cheek. “But it’s sweet that you care.”

“I’ve been on the other side of this exchange. I’ve been too out of my mind, robbed of my ability to consent. How could I not care?” Ghost’s hand covered Dick’s, holding him to his cheek.

“And that’s why trust you, why I want you.” Dick kissed him again, lighter but just as slow and meaningful before he pulled back for another sip of the bottle. “Don’t you overthink too. Let me cheat, join me if you want.”

Ghost thought about for a few seconds, he stalled by accepting the bottle and taking a small swig. “…Are sure this what you want?”

“Stop talking and put your money where your mouth is.” Dick leaned in for another kiss but stopped to giggle. “Actually no, other way around. Kiss me like you want me.”

“I do.” Ghost murmured, moving closer until there wasn’t a speck of space between them, breathing each other’s air.

“Show, don’t tell.” Dick whispered, tilting his head so their lips could connect again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be unabashed smut, you've been warned. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Oh, speaking of tumblr, I have another omegaverse AU (The Throuple AU) that I haven't begun to make into a fic yet but I'm taking prompts for. [You can find it here](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/618625181759520768/the-throuple-omegaverse-bat-clan-au) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Remember: Comments are my only reward for my work, they give me life and motivate me to write faster (I mean that literally.


	34. Friends With Benefits (Pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NightGhost finally does its name justice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the previous chapter. NSFW as promised.  
> Once again, I proofread while severely sleep-deprived so if this is riddled with typos I'm sorry.
> 
> I'll try to update another chapter in the next couple of days but BIG REMINDER that my dad gets major surgery next week and I'm his only caregiver so I don't know how busy I'll be to write but things will tricky next week for sure. I'll still try not to take too long to update after that because I too need my fic writing to stay sane.

It was still a slow kiss, focused and intense and exploratory, it tasted bitter but felt sweet, burned in all the right ways. Dick sunk his pearly teeth lightly into Ghost’s lower lip, prompting those lips to part for Dick’s tongue to explore and dance along with Ghost’s.

Dick wrapped his arms around the older omega’s torso, fisting his hands into a pale shirt, and when Ghost’s hands slipped lower under Dick’s thighs and lifted him off the counter, the acrobat made a tiny satisfied noise without ever breaking the lip-lock.

For a second, he assumed Ghost was going to splay him out on the kitchen table and play with him right there, he was tipsy enough that the idea was very alluring and he couldn’t care less that it was a very public spot or that it would end up smelling like them and giving them away like a huge neon sign. However, Dusan was clear-headed and remembered the details Dick didn’t give a damn about.

The bottle was abandoned and Ghost only put Dick down so they could sneak out of the kitchens and towards the older man’s room, occasionally stopping behind a marble column for another illicit kiss and warm grind because now that Dick was getting what he wanted he wasn’t going to give Dusan time to second guess himself again.

The room was the same as always but somehow Dick marveled at how different it looked from when he first saw it; it had looked so austere, dark and full of secrets before but that felt like ages ago, now it was comfortable and a welcome hideaway from the world.

The door was barely closed and Dick was already pining Ghost to it with his full body weight, standing on his tiptoes to kiss the older omega more firmly and demanding, his hands clumsily searching for the edge of Ghost’s shirt so they could slip beneath and explore. Dusan was taken by surprise but kissed back nonetheless, his rhythm remained focused and slow, one hand sliding up Dick’s waist and the other running through the acrobat’s hair affectionately.

Dick’s hands found their way into the older man’s clothes and he splayed his fingers on the sculpted hard planes of Ghost’s stomach while his tongue sneaked along the sharp edges of Dusan’s teeth and a soft whine built up in the back of his throat.

“Patience.” Ghost murmured between kisses, letting out a tiny chuckle.

“No.” Dick pouted, cheeky, and realized he sounded a _lot_ like Damian. He derailed that thought by biting at Ghost’s lip, tugging it demandingly before he let go and started walking backwards to the bed while dragging the older omega along by his clothes.

He stumbled a little, too tipsy for finesse, and then jumped on the bed with such enthusiasm that he bounced and fell flat on his back on the mattress, giggling too hard. Maybe he should have taken it on easy on the booze, that bounce was nowhere near that funny.

Ghost watched him fondly and rather than crawl onto the bed and cage him or pin him like an alpha would, the man bounced onto the bed next to him, surprising more giggles out of Dick even as he reached out to grab Ghost’s face and pull him into another kiss, this one sloppy and playful.

Every inch of Dick’s skin was buzzing, he could feel the usual cold chill coiling around his bones and the desperate craving clawing through his innards with a mix of despair and need but Ghost’s scent and touch soothed him just enough that he didn’t feel about to fall to pieces, it fact his head was spinning a little and he wasn’t sure it was all the alcohol’s fault. His mind was torn too- on one hand he just wanted to feel better, to feel good, to feel something, to let the buzz take over; on the other, the anxiety building somewhere around his solar plexus was starting to make it a little hard to breathe just at the thought of things like sex and Talia.

Ghost must have sensed something because he pulled back and gave Dick a searching look, one hand cupping his scarred neck to ground him.

“Off.” Dick muttered, tugging on Ghost’s shirt to try and get them back on track and distract himself.

Dusan didn’t argue, he sat up and pulled the garment off in one fluid motion, letting it fall lazily off the edge of the bed. Dick admired the view and began to pull off his own shirt, he hesitated only for a second, wondering if he was ready to feel that vulnerable, but then he was ripping the garment off and flinging it aside with little care before pulling the older man into another kiss.

After all, he had no shame. Might as well own it.

Ghost’s hand travelled up Dick’s waist and ribs and slid slowly back down to his hip, tracing over scars and feeling so impossible warm that it painted brief strokes of heat into Dick’s flesh. The older omega was still slow and still refusing to cage him in, Dick appreciated that and let his own hands explore all the hard edges and angular curves of Ghost’s muscles, mapping him from the shoulders down.

Dick only broke away from the heated kiss because he wanted to do more than just make out. He kissed along Ghost’s jaw and sucked little marks into the older man’s neck that made Ghost groan low and slide a hand up Dick’s spine to pull him closer. The acrobat’s fingers traced down to the edge of Ghost’s pants while he dragged his teeth down the man’s throat.

The was a strange urge, a weird instinct in Dick, to bite. It was so intense it made his jaw ache and his own neck throb, the scar on it stinging as if it was still fresh. It wasn’t just something in the heat of the moment, it was a visceral need to dig his teeth in until he tasted iron on his tongue, so sudden and violent that it scared him enough to stop and pull back.

“Alright?” Ghost asked because Dick had gasped and sat up abruptly.

“I…” Dick swallowed hard and bit into his own lip. “I want to bite you.”

“Then bite.” Ghost shrugged as if it was that simple.

“ _Hard_.” Dick explained. Warned. Teased. He wasn’t sure which.

“I know.” Ghost nodded, he even tossed his head back and exposed his throat submissively, smiling a little mischievously the whole time as if he was challenging. It dawned on Dick that maybe he was.

Dick needed to bite because the withdrawal was telling him his bond was incomplete, it told him he needed to bite his alpha back, needed to submit to the claim once and for all.

A part of Dick was terrified of what that desperate urge might make him do if he saw Talia again. A deeper and darker part wanted it, not just to end his pain but to trap Talia too and make her suffer as much as she did him. Both sides scared him to death but, on the other hand, he had a willing partner asking for his bites and he was too eager and tipsy to care about the future.

“You sure?” Dick hummed the question, already straddling one of Ghost’s muscled thighs and leaning in to lick a stripe up the man’s throat.

“Of course. You and I both know how that sort of thing feels to our kind.” Ghost reassured with a tiny moan.

He was right, omegas like them were wired to have intense pleasure responses to things like bites and other domineering gestures and seeing as they were both omegas it wouldn’t have any consequences beyond some temporary aches and bruises. No need to overthink. And if the way Ghost was still baring his throat was any indication, he’d probably enjoy it if Dick let loose and bit to his heart’s content.

“I won’t hold back.” Dick whispered, warned, promised. He was already nibbling on the smooth skin over Ghost’s scent gland and could taste the man’s arousal, sweet and hot, like cinnamon on his tongue. “I _can’t_ hold back.”

“I do not want you to.” Ghost purred back encouragingly and bent his knee upwards just enough to make Dick’s rapidly hardening erection grind into his thigh through their clothes. “I want you to do whatever you want to me. _Use me_.” The words came out husky, somewhere between a plea and an order.

Dick couldn’t take it anymore, he moaned and gasped, grinding against Dusan’s thigh and returning the favor with his own without even thinking. Then he bared his teeth and all rational thought went out the window with the first bite.

Ghost’s moan when Dick’s teeth really dug into his skin was louder than anything the younger omega ever thought possible of the man, it was shameless and unrestrained and Dick wanted to hear more.

He didn’t break skin at first, just bit hard enough to bruise and sucked on the skin until he could taste that aroused scent on the back of his tongue and Ghost’s pale skin was sure to be covered in marks. Dick ended up squirming against the other omega, grinding together through their remaining clothes in a bit of frenzy and moaning softly at the faint sparks of pleasure flickering along his nerve endings.

Ghost’s hands traveled up Dick’s back, carefully caressing each scar before trailing down the notches of his spine and cupping his ass, kneading and encouraging the needy grind between them. Dick’s hands had been splayed over Ghost’s chest but after another (softer) bite he remembered they existed and shoved them down between them, urgently seeking out more sensation.

There was another low groan in reaction to his teeth and then Ghost’s hands were grabbing Dick’s, coaching him into slowing down, reminding him they had all night.

Dick groped blindly before finding the waistband of Ghost’s pants and sliding his hand in to palm the erection within, the size didn’t surprise him seeing as Dusan was big and proportional all over but the throbbing hardness made him grin, as did the lovely little choked sound Ghost made when he massaged in time with his own grinding pelvis.

Ghost was blushed all the way up to his ears and the color was rapidly flooding down his collarbones to his chest and Dick wanted to chase the hue with his tongue, thought he could taste the warmth of it, the way the air clouded with arousal and pheromones the more that scarlet spread. That wasn’t the only scent he rapidly became aware of though, Dick was really starting to hate how coarse and restrictive his pants felt, and the wet patch seeping into the fabric of his underwear wasn’t helping, he knew Ghost must be feeling very similarly since he could smell the salty-sweet tang of slick that wasn’t his own.

The exact logistics of how the rest of their clothes came off became somewhat fuzzy, Dick was aware of some vague fumbling to kick off his pants and boxers and shove Ghost’s off too while the man chuckled at his impatience, but it didn’t matter because in no time at all he was crawling back between the other omega’s legs and into a welcoming embrace that led to more kissing, though nowhere near as slow and composed as before, these kisses were hungry and full of promise.

If there was one thing Dick enjoyed about omegas over alphas it was the home advantage. He always knew what buttons to push with every kind partner but with other omegas he knew every little weakness and soft spot that mirrored his own. He took full advantage of that with Ghost.

Their stiff leaking cocks were lined up perfectly for the slow hard grind that followed and had them both hissing at the raw sensation. Dick’s teeth still ached to bite and he didn’t fight it at all, he nipped along a collarbone and then let them gnash into a sensitive soft spot on the curve of Dusan’s shoulder while his hands traveled up pale skin, trailing up the curves of each of Ghost’s ribs and then lightly scrapping his blunt nails over rosy nipples in a way had the older omega stuttering on a moan, alphas and betas would have pinched or tugged but Dick knew better now.

Before long Ghost had one hand kneading Dick’s perfect ass to pull him closer, the smell of slick heavy and damp in the air, his other hand slipped between them to grope both their shafts and pump in a slow intense rhythm that had Dick’s head spinning and made his teeth dig in harder until he finally tasted copper on the tip of his tongue and heard the loud gasped moan that slipped from Ghost’s lips and caused a shiver to hum down Dick’s spine.

It was getting really hard to think between all the arousal and pleasure, between that lyrical combination of sounds and the gnawing discomfort in Dick’s gut demanding so much more and screaming at him that the sensations flaring all over his nerves weren’t enough. When Dick pulled from the bite to lick the abused flesh, he couldn’t help the desperate needy keen that slipped from his throat or the way his nails dug into tender nubs a tad too harshly.

“More… Please…” Dick managed not to whimper but his voice was husky and a little delirious as he pressed harder into the older man’s grip and stole a breathless kiss.

“Yes… Yes.” Ghost nodded, breathing a little too hard between kisses and sounding just as far gone.

However, Dusan seemed to be trying to think and reluctantly slowed his touches on their straining shafts, which finally tore the whimper from Dick because it was the opposite of what he wanted and made him bite into the man’s lip with needy sounds, his hands suddenly tangling into the mess of white waves of Ghost’s hair.

“What do you need?” Dusan murmured breathlessly into the kiss, flushed and smelling like the most delicious invitation.

“Anything, just…just need more.” Dick pleaded, trying to grind their bodies closer together like he wanted to burrow under the man’s skin and bowing his head to dig another sharp little bite into the curve of Ghost’s throat.

“How much more?” Ghost asked right before he let out a needy sob and arched up, baring his neck further for the bite, both his hands now digging bruises into Dick’s hips. It seemed to take all his self-control to get the next desperate words out. “I need to know.”

Dick knew what the question really meant- it wasn’t so much about how far they wanted to take this, he doubted either of them would be satisfied any time soon, it was about who would do what. It didn’t really matter who topped, between two omegas they could easily switch and play around with that whenever they felt like it, but Ghost wanted to know Dick’s limits, he probably didn’t think Dick was ready to be on the receiving end after everything Talia put him through and regardless of what his body craved the fact was that Ghost might be right in that assumption.

To stall a little and decide, Dick sucked on the latest bite until it turned into an ugly red that would surely bloom into a pretty purple soon enough, he heard Ghost mumble a little curse he didn’t understand in Arabic and finally let go of the man’s hair. Dick hoisted himself up onto his hands, looming a little over Ghost and, for a second, the words got stuck in his throat because the sight of those crimson eyes blown with arousal, that flush and the needy dazed look on Dusan’s face were a sight to behold and Dick just wanted to see him wrecked further.

“Can I fuck you?” He blurted out with zero subtlety, voice throaty and eager.

“Anything you want.” Ghost nodded again, his hands squeezing Dick’s hips reassuringly before sliding up his sides in a caress.

“Anything?” Dick smirked, teasing. That was a dangerous offer.

“Yes.” Ghost arched up enough to steal another kiss and whispered. “That includes stopping if need be.”

Dick smiled and, for the first time in a long time, it felt truly genuine.

He didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon but having the option was comforting, it was sweet, everything about Ghost was just so strangely sweet that Dick kept forgetting he was an Al Ghul. Ghost was always so careful and considerate and respectful that Dick had a hard time remembering he killed for a living, or maybe he just didn’t want to think about it, maybe he didn’t need to judge or be moralistic all the time, maybe he could just focus on the Dusan that existed for him only.

Still smiling, Dick kissed back, deeper and invasive, a promise of what was to come. He ran a hand up Ghost’s knee and inner thigh, pausing to squeeze his balls gently for a moment before he drifted lower and was met with slippery skin; he probed between Ghost’s cheeks and just caressed and pressed light touches to the slick entrance for a few moments, Dick was rather drunk on arousal but not out of it enough that he couldn’t tease a little.

Ghost spread his legs wider and kissed harder, sucking Dick’s tongue like candy and when Dick’s fingers slipped in, the older man’s low encouraging moan tingled on his own lips. Dick pumped and probed until he found a spot that had Ghost gasping enough to break the kiss and bare his neck again in invitation, his hips bucking ever so slightly.

Dick was impatient but he had to admit he enjoyed the exploration, liked being in control for once, and to be honest, Ghost made a pretty picture all dripping wet, cock straining a leaking, a halo of white hair around his flushed face, crimson eyes dilated, face slightly twisted with sensation and blunt nails digging tiny half-moons into Dick’s shoulder blades.

“Pretty Ghost.” He mumbled, leaning down and dragging his teeth from the Ghost’s neck all the way down to a perky nipple that he tugged with his teeth. “What did I deserve you?”

Dusan groaned and let out another mumbled curse in Arabic and a string of words that Dick vaguely recognized as pleas for more. It was… interesting. Dick was used to be being the one falling apart in bed first and while he was close to that himself, seeing someone else fall first from his touches alone was little bit of a power trip. 

He took pity on the older omega, removed his fingers and guided his cock in instead. It wasn’t as slow and careful as he wanted it to be, he was half delirious with need already and everything about Ghost was so warm and wet and inviting, he couldn’t resist any longer.

The first harsh thrust had them both groaning loudly, with Ghost bucking and pulling him closer; Dick had to set his knees more firmly on the bed and lift himself up with his hands on Ghost’s thighs for leverage as he started a sharp rocking of his hips that had them both breathing out little panted sounds.

 **“You’re the pretty one.”** Ghost mumbled the words, hands painted heat on him again with the way they glided up the faint lines of stretchmarks and scars of Dick’s torso as his muscles flexed with each thrust of his trim hips, Dusan’s eyes following the touches on olive skin until his gaze settle on Dick’s expression and whatever he saw there put a look in his face was akin to blissed adoration. **“Strong and exquisite… So perfect in every way.”**

Dick wasn’t sure why but the words of praise did something to him- maybe it was strung-out withdrawal-impaired brain blowing things out of proportion, or his tipsiness making everything feel nicer than it was.

Or maybe it was the hoarse husky tone, the raw honesty in it, perhaps it was the pleasant way the words just rolled out of Ghost in his native language, perhaps it was the way those words dug up some old buried pride, that or being the center of someone’s attention for himself as a real adult individual.

Maybe just being so wanted, really truly wanted, was what stirred that little glow of pleasure in him that he had missed so badly and fanned it into a flame.

Dick smiled, smiled almost drunkenly because he didn’t know what else to do with his face when all his senses were drowning in positive stimuli. It felt a little alien to smile so much after so long having to fake it, felt like having to rediscover muscles he had forgotten existed.

For once the smell of hot arousal blanketing him actually warmed him to the core, the touches and words actually sent pleasant sparks along his nerves instead of cold chills down his spine, the feeling of another person’s skin was comforting instead of threatening, the tight slippery grip on his cock felt like relief and bliss with every move he made, and the groans and moans and mumbled foreign words on Ghost’s lips felt like a reward instead of a threat.

Dick’s hands wandered aimlessly over Ghost’s pale skin, he had hair everywhere but it was so white that it was practically invisible against his ivory skin, skin that made every corded muscle stand out like a marble sculpture and the scarlet blush spread vividly from his handsome face down to his chest and around the head of his straining neglected cock that smeared streaks of fluid over that taut pale belly.

Dick knew he had a type, or better types. It was never a designation thing, alphas, betas, omegas, he didn’t really care about that like some people did, his types were more specific- redheads, yes, he could admit to that one, but he also had a thing for tall, sculpted bodies of powerful people that could snap him like a twig if he let them, and kind people, no matter what their personalities were Dick was always attracted to compassion.

Dusan certainly ticked a lot of his boxes and if he couldn’t have the person he truly loved, if he had to belong to Talia, then at least he could have this too.

His hands trailed aimlessly up Ghost’s arms until he laced his fingers with the older man’s and pinned Ghost’s hands down to the bed, leaning in and interrupting another tirade of Arabic praise with a deep kiss so filled with the emotion and gratitude that he couldn’t convey into words.

Their bodies undulated together, not as elegant and sweet as love making and not as rough and primal as heat sex, but playful and hot like tipsy eager sex of people too pent up to care as the kiss dragged on with clumsy tongues and smothered moans.

The kiss only broke because they couldn’t focus enough to breathe and their lips practically slipped off each other, faces still mushed together as Dick picked up the pace and thrust faster, chasing his pleasure mindlessly. They were both drenched in slick, glistening with sweat and flushed warmly all over, both letting out a symphony of sounds that would make a porn star blush.

There was a whole new Arabic outburst of mumbled but caring encouragement that he actually understood and pleas for ‘harder’, Dick wouldn’t dream of denying that request and began a harsh rhythm, sucking kisses along Ghost’s jaw and unable to stop himself from sinking his teeth back into the sensitive curve of Dusan’s bruised neck where his scent was strongest.

Ghost reacted by squeezing his hands tightly, arching beautifully with a groan that vibrated all the way into Dick’s chest, the older omega wrapping his legs around Dick’s waist for better purchase. The new angle had Dick hitting some spot with each deep stroke of his cock that made Ghost gasp and cry out, Dick’s teeth dug in harder until he tasted iron as well the hot cinnamon flavor of arousal and the salty hint of sweat.

Ghost climaxed first- there was a sharp curse that Dick didn’t know but understood instinctively and then the man was arching, body bowing tightly right off the bed, he seemed to forget breathe for a moment as his whole body went rigid and Dick felt the tight rhythmic clench trying to milk his cock and gushing gooey wetness making a mess of both their bellies.

Dick only bit harder, almost like an alpha trying to keep a thrashing omega still as he thrust frantically, breathing harshly and still pinning Ghost’s hands to bed with far too much strength, his nerve endings singing with pleasure and desperation as the tight gnawing coil inside him went tighter and tauter by the second.

There was a loud whining groan and Dick wasn’t sure if it was his or Ghost’s but it was followed by some word in Arabic that he knew but couldn’t remember the meaning of in the moment, all he knew was that the tone was so hungry and sweet at the same time that he just snapped.

A second later his hips were stuttering and he was spilling into Ghost’s willing body like his life depended on it, his whole body alight with a burst of sensation that had his sight whiting out; his jaw felt locked around Dusan’s flesh and around the long loud groan that tore from his own throat and through his teeth as he rode out the orgasm, almost whimpering at the soothing flood of endorphins and whatever weird response his body was having to Dusan’s pleasure that was equal parts exhilarating and utter relief.

Took a while but Dick’s body eventually went limp, muscles giving out as he fell into the welcome embrace of the man beneath him, their fingers finally untangled and Ghost’s arms wrapped around him in was that was sweet and relaxed and a sort of grounding that was unexpectedly needed.

When he finally relaxed his jaw and let go, it was with a groan that Ghost echoed, Dick knew his lips were stained red and he knew even without looking that Dusan’s skin was ugly mess of blood smears, teeth indents and blotches in various stages of bruising. Dick licked the most recent bite apologetically and a little ashamed but the man was purring and that was enough to relax him.

Dick hadn’t expected this aftermath. There was the pleasant afterglow of pleasure still buzzing under every inch of his skin, there was good kind of weariness that made all his muscles feel loose, there was the immense relief of finally giving him to some horrible instinct that craved someone else’s body but that settled for ‘close enough’ and made him feel just a little bit more normal for a while.

There was all that but there was also a startling drop, like his defenses had suddenly been triggered and his anxiety awakened out of the blue, there was queasy dazed feeling like he was going to float right out of his body and he knew that feeling well from the moments when he lost awareness of time and self. It didn’t help that he felt suddenly felt stone-cold sober too. All he could think about was Talia and how he shouldn’t have enjoyed this, how he used Ghost and how he cheated on Bruce, how he didn’t deserve this moment of joy.

“Are you alright?” Ghost asked, breathless and still panting but clearly picking up on Dick’s spiraling distress.

“I… Yes, but… I just feel…” Dick panted and pulled back just a little to look into Ghost’s piercing eyes, he was also breathless and tried to shake the anxiety out of his head so he could enjoy the happy daze. “I’m thinking too much.”

“Breathe. You are allowed to enjoy it.” Ghost purred and Dick was starting to suspect this man was metahuman with some sort of psychic ability because he knew exactly what to say and do. He maneuvered them under the covers and onto the pillows and pulled Dick back into an embrace where he began to card his fingers leisurely through dark messy hair. “Focus on the now. The rest of the world can wait until tomorrow.”

Dick nodded, he scented Ghost and took a deep breath to try to will his body to unwind and stay loose. He could feel Dusan’s rapid heartbeat under his hand splayed over a pale chest, and the older man’s body was warm and very solid, the sweet scent of satisfied omega was soothing, the purring vibrated through him to loosen the knots forming in his gut.

It was all very welcoming and very grounding. Dick could get used to it very quickly.

They were a mess of bodily fluids- sweat, slick and semen staining them all over, but neither of them felt any inclination to move. They could clean up later.

Truth be told, if it had been any other day they probably would be going a few more rounds, one of the perks of being an omega was stamina, but it was a first time between them so it was enough, more than enough, it was mind-numbingly good.

Dick didn’t know about Ghost but for him the whole thing had been pleasurable and so needed but far more draining emotionally than physically and he just needed to process that and begin the arduous task of convincing himself that nothing bad was going to happened just because he enjoyed himself for once. They could handle the rest later.

“Thank you.” Dick stated when he finally managed to melt back into a relaxed state.

“For?” Ghost sounded both puzzled and amused.

“I don’t know. Everything?” Dick didn’t know how to put into words, it wasn’t the sex he was grateful for, not really, it was how normal it had made him feel, and not just physically, for a while something very broken in his mind had almost felt… not whole again but like it was knitting itself back together.

“Do not thank me.” Ghost was still purring as he hooked a finger under Dick’s chin and tipped his head to steal another, softer, kiss. “I would do it all again in a heartbeat.”

“And here I was hoping you’d do more.” Dick planted another kiss on the man’s lips between cheeky words. “Personally, I’d love to get _dicked_ _down_ soon.”

“You joke but if you tempt me too much I just might acquiesce.” Dusan grumbled a little, the hand not in Dick’s hair sliding down his back to cup a bronze ass cheek.

“Who said I was joking?” Dick grinned and wiggled his brows, he might not be ready for that right away but he wanted to be.

Ghost smirked ever so slightly, he shook his head playfully and retorted with a single word in Arabic.

“What does that mean?”

“Tease.” Ghost replied with a small grin of his own.

“You said a lot of words I don’t know.” Dick gave a fake little pout.

“Maybe I can teach you next time.”

“Is that a promise?” Dick made a show of grinding a little against Ghost as he whispered in his ear. “I’d love to know what to shout when I want you to fuck me.”

“Do you realize the boys will be up in a few hours?” Ghost dodged quickly, the rosy hue of his cheeks rapidly shifting back into a red tint. “You should sleep.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.” Dick joked but plopped his head on the man’s shoulder. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course.” Ghost said as if there was nothing he wanted more in the world.

“Wake me early?” Dick yawned a little. “Don’t want them to wake up without me there.”

“Alright.” The older omega agreed and tipped his head just enough to nose at Dick’s hair and take in his scent.

Dick wanted to ask what he smelled like, if it was more normal now or just a mix of sex and sweat, but he decided it wasn’t the time to discuss the withdrawal. They could talk about those gritty details in the morning, at that moment all he wanted was to relax as long as that little hormonal high lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when will Talia be back? Will Jason show up too? Will the boys ever forgive Dick? Will sleeping with Ghost actually help Dick feel better? Will it help his psyche in the long run? Will Ra's or Talia ever find out about this secret arrangement?  
> Dun-dun-dun.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Oh, speaking of tumblr, I have another omegaverse AU with brudick and other fun Bat Fam ships (The Throuple AU) that I haven't begun to make into a fic yet but I'm taking one-shut and drabble prompts for. [You can find it here](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/618625181759520768/the-throuple-omegaverse-bat-clan-au) .
> 
> As always, I LOVE reading your theories and thoughts. They can be really inspiring so please share!  
> Just tell me anything you want to say!
> 
> Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments mean to me, they keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.


	35. Of Rainy Days and Gothic Animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick gets back to the kids and life goes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before my chapters might be a little bit slower because my dad had major surgery and I'm literally his only caretaker.  
> Still, any and all support means a lot to me as it keeps me motivated to continue (and it's really the only positive thing I have going on) so do leave your opinions and comments or go ask me stuff on tumblr or send prompts. If you want, of course.
> 
> Anyway, lot's of polyglot back and forth in this chapter. I'd mix in actual foreign words in their dialog because that's how polyglots often talk (like me) but I don't want to get confusing. Maybe eventually. For now it's the usual **Arabic** vs English vs **_Romanes_**.

All things considered Dick woke up feeling… Well, the exact word eluded him, he wasn’t ‘good’ or ‘normal’ but he figured this was as close to ‘ok’ as he was ever going to feel.

Sleeping with Ghost hadn’t magically cured him and he had never expected it to but it sated some deeply engraved instinct and whatever chemistry involved made him feel physically better… For the time being. Psychologically was a different story, he did feel like he could be ok, he did feel wanted and respected and valued for the first time in a long time, but he also felt so conflicted and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because he couldn’t possibly have this, it couldn’t be this easy. The current Dick Grayson could not have nice things.

Still, he woke up feeling better than he could have hoped, he even managed not to have nightmares, or at least not to remember them after Ghost woke him up.

White Ghost was someone Dick would love to introduce to Riddler, he’d love to see Eddie trying to figure out such a complex guy, of maybe Harvey would be more interested seeing as Ghost was a walking dichotomy in every way. It didn’t matter though, as complicated as Ghost was he treated Dick like he truly cared and that’s all Dick cared about that morning as he woke up to a dark room and the sound of rain, to crimson eyes and ugly bite marks so bruised they were a patchwork of colors on ivory skin, to the scent of lazy contentment and a messy halo of white hair hovering over him.

“It is just past dawn.” Was the first thing Ghost said even though the soft and very awake look on his face indicated he had other things in mind.

“Hm… Good morning.” Dick managed a tired smile and yawn. “Thanks for waking me.”

“You are welcome.” Ghost brushed a stray strand of hair from Dick’s eyes, completely unnecessary but cute as hell as far as Dick was concerned. “How are you feeling?”

“Hungover.” Dick retorted but he grinned because for once the hangover was worse than the withdrawal and that was a glorious win. “It’s worth it.”

“No regrets?” Ghost lay his head on his hand as he looked down at Dick, he sounded hesitant but trying so very hard at nonchalance, like his entire outlook on life depended on that answer but he’d never admit it. Again- cute.

“Nope, most fun I’ve had in years and I definitely feel more like a real boy again.” Like a human instead of a giant ball of anxiety and painful instincts, that is, and if Dick felt conflicted about his own hang-ups, that was something Ghost didn’t need to hear about. Dick rose up enough to steal a small kiss, an innocent peck that quickly turned into something a little naughtier. “I meant everything I said too.”

Ghost merely made a small noise of accent as the kiss fell apart like a bite of cotton candy. Dick smiled and had to repress a grimace at his own sour breath, maybe kissing hadn’t been the best idea but Ghost didn’t seem to mind.

Dick glanced at the clock on the wall, dragged himself up and started hunting his clothes, he didn’t want to risk the twins waking up with him gone so he had to hurry. Ghost understood, even helped in the awkward search for Dick’s underwear that happened to have disappeared at some point during the night.

They agreed to meet up again at night as was becoming tradition and then Dick disappeared into the halls and made sure not to be seen all the way back to his room. The kids were still asleep so Dick slipped into the bathroom, buried his clothes in the bottom of the hamper and slipped into a shower.

The water was warm on his skin, it felt good to wash off the grime of the night before, and the noise drowned out the outside world but Dick’s headache was hammering his skull and his thoughts were still much too loud to shut out.

He had fun, was sure he could get used to this deal with Ghost, he still felt the relief blanketing him from the night before, and it was very jarring, though nice, to be treated like an actual person with actual worth for a change. Yet, deep down… Deep down Dick couldn’t fully enjoy it, something kept telling him this was too good to be true, that he didn’t deserve it, that he was using Ghost and that was wrong.

And then some even deeper part told him this was cheating, that even though he’d never see Bruce again he should still be loyal, that his feelings weren’t valid unless he was loyal, that he was betraying everything the pack stood for by so much as cooperating with the Al Ghuls, much less getting in bed with them (literally). Dick hated that feeling, hated it because it was pointless, hated it because he knew he was punishing himself for something that didn’t matter anymore.

He was overthinking, he knew he was and he lost track of how long he stood there under the spray, soapy suds long gone down the drain while he searched for reasons not to be happy so he just turned off the water and made himself get out and dry off. He dressed, brushed his teeth, drank some much needed water and headed into the kids’ room instead of his own where Samir was barely awake in the wicker chair in the corner and the rainy clouds outside cast everything in a gloomy grey filter.

Dick approached the other omega and as soon as he was within two feet, Samir grinned salaciously at him.

 **“Someone is feeling better.”** Samir teased in a sing-song voice, tugging Dick forward by his sleeve and nuzzling the younger man’s stubbly cheek to scent him affectionately.

 **“Jealous?”** Dick teased right back but returned the gesture, voice low and whispered as to not wake the boys.

 **“Always.”** Samir snickered and pat Dick’s butt lightly, playful and cheeky.

Dick rolled his eyes and when the man yawned he pulled Samir up, dismissing him with a easygoing wave and a promise that he could handle the kids alone until Naima showed up. Samir appeared too sleepy to argue so he grinned knowingly again and left, silently closing the door behind him.

Dick considered stealing the wicker chair for himself but it was rare to be so alone with the kids so he went to retrieve his secret camera for some photos.

The twins were still deeply asleep, they were huddled together in Damian’s bed hidden under the blankets since it had gotten a bit colder lately, nothing quite as chilly as Gotham in the winter but still colder than the kids were used to. Their little heads barely peeked over the covers, Damian drooling slightly with his hair a tangled mess and Cosmo sucking on his thumb and curled into a tight ball against his brother’s side.

Dick took a couple of pictures, even added one of himself next to them, he didn’t know why he did that, didn’t feel the need to be in any photos and just wanted to preserve memories for the boys even though he wasn’t sure why anymore. At first it was mostly for his own selfish pleasure but that felt pointless ( _a lot_ of things felt pointless to Dick now), mostly some part of him hoped Bruce would get his hands on the photos someday but… Adding himself in came with a vague spark of hope that one days the twins would be all grown up and they would see the photos and they would remember he had existed, he had been there for them, he had tried.

He ran his fingers through fluffy black hair for a few precious seconds, enjoying how it faintly made his hands smell like the boys, and then he pulled the blanket more snuggly around them since it was still so early. He put the camera away before either kid could wake up and finally retreated to the seat in the corner.

The rain fell harder and Dick let his head tip over the back of the back of the wicker chair so he could look out the window and watch the droplets pelting against the glass.

Even though he felt better than he had in a long time (hangover and all), the buzz was already fading into the usual melancholy and Dick started to zone out watching the rain; he wasn’t even sure if he had dozed off or just lost track of time but then there was a flash of lightning zipping through the sky and a distant low rumbling of thunder and suddenly Dick was thinking about Wally.

Lightning always reminded him of Kid Flash, how could it not considering the speed and the garish yellow outfit? But rain just reminded him of plain old Wally and the first clumsy kiss they shared while soaked to the bone after a messy but successful mission, they were so young that Wally hadn’t even presented as a beta yet. Somehow that felt like a whole different lifetime but at the same time it didn’t feel like it happened that long ago… which all things considered it hadn’t, they were still so young, it was just that Dick tended to forget how young they all were ever since the twins were born because he felt like he had aged a century in captivity.

Dick wondered what Wally was up to now, if he ever saw the rain and remembered Dick too. He also wondered if Wally had buried him already, it wasn’t the first time he thought about it but sometimes he just found himself wondering if there had been a funeral and if so, who showed up. Probably most of the Titans, maybe some Leaguers, his pack... Would anyone from the circus show up?

Who would even organize the damn thing? Probably Babs, she could separate emotion from duty better than anyone else he’d ever met… Then again, that didn’t feel right, but neither did Bruce hosting a memorial or something because it would mean he had given up and while Dick knew everyone thought him dead, it still hurt to imagine Bruce giving up.

A small tug at his leg startled Dick out of his morbid thoughts and looked down to find Damian squirming and pouting. Oh right, the thunder.

 ** _“Good morning, Dami.”_** Dick tried, hoping the kid wasn’t still angry.

Dami pouted further but lifted his arms at Dick. **_“Up.”_**

Relief flooding his veins, and picked the boy up, holding him close to his chest. There another rumble of thunder and Damian practically curled into Dick’s side with a little whine.

 ** _“It’s ok, baby bat. Just rain.”_** Dick spoke softly, wrapping his arms more protectively around the boy and repeated what he always did when the kids got scared- **_“Nothing’s going to hurt you while I’m around. I promise.”_**

 ** _“You promise before.”_** Damian muttered into Dick’s shirt, sulky but clingy.

 ** _“I know. I’m sorry for that.”_** Dick agreed but wondered for the briefest moment just how angry the kids would be if he got himself killed and disappeared completely. Would they ever forgive him or would they forget he had existed?

More thunder, a little louder, and Damian whimpered so Dick held him tighter. Cosmo stirred and sat up in bed, noticing that he was alone and sleepily making his way to them, dragging the blanket with him in the process until he too was on Dick’s lap with the blanket draped over them.

Cosmo, though sleepy, was intensely interested in scenting Dick, nuzzling all over his face and neck and making curious little nonsensical noises. Whatever he was picking up didn’t elude Damian either but the older twin just wrinkled his nose, still pouting, and then clung tighter and more possessively to his father.

“Everything ok?” Dick asked, amused, he had no idea what (or who) they could smell on him or what was going through their heads but they were being cute and clingy and it made his heart feel goopy and soft like melted marshmallow inside the cage of his ribs.

 ** _“Song.”_** Damian demanded, poking Dick’s side after another crack of thunder.

 ** _“Which one?”_** Dick could guess, the Flying Trapeze was their staple, the favorite lullaby, but there were other songs for other moods and from time to time they had requests.

 ** _“Song.”_** Damian repeated insistently, it wasn’t an answer at all but there was no room to argue.

“Ok, ok.” Dick chuckled and started to sing the usual, just loud enough to drown out the rain. Damian focused on him and wouldn’t loosen his grip at all, Cosmo tried to hum tunelessly along until he dozed off again with his head tucked into the crook of Dick’s elbow.

Naima found them like that, she gave a short nod of approval at the whole scene and then greeted everyone and announced it was time to get dressed. Dick mused if he could have the kids skip tutoring that morning and just keep them to himself and hide from the rain but he ended up talking himself out of it and carried them into the bathroom where he helped them brush their teeth.

Damian barely brushed at all unless someone made him and Cosmo ended up gnawing at the brush more than anything so Dick showed them how to do it for what felt like the hundredth time, and while he did, it dawned on him that this was ok- there was no need to focus on the future or on what the people of his past were doing or even Talia or Ghost, all he needed to focus on was that very moment and his two boys and how much they needed him.

*

Once again, the rain persisted for a days, it was still weird to Dick that it was summer in Gotham and winter wherever the hell they were, it made him feel like he was stuck in another dimension. He liked the rain though, made him feel at home.

The kids didn’t share his enthusiasm for rain, Cosmo still got sleepy and lethargic over it like a housecat and Damian still got cranky (and often frightened). It was harder to get them to focus on tutoring or training but Dick was doing his best. He was always doing his best.

One morning, Damian threw a fit in music class because reading the scores frustrated him, the tutor didn’t know what to do with the screaming toddler ripping music sheets and throwing things or the one trying to crawl into the piano at the same time so Dick intervened. Damian wasn’t having a meltdown, just a tantrum so the best course of action was distraction, after fishing Cosmo out of the baby grand Dick grabbed the guitar on the shelf, he had spotted it days before and had been itching to get his hands on it.

He was rusty, hadn’t played in a long time, but he plopped Cosmo next to his brother, sat on the floor in front of them with the old acoustic and plucked at the strings. The first notes came out pretty terrible and he had to tune the dusty thing but after a few tries he was finally grabbing the children’s attention with a tune that he didn’t remember where he had picked up (maybe something Joey used to play or something he picked up in the circus, he wasn’t sure).

Cosmo stopped trying to escape and paused to stare at Dick’s hands, rocking with the music, and Damian slowly tampered down to mild sulking, too focused on the music to remember why he was angry in the first place. Dick heard the tutor sigh audibly in relief and smiled smugly, still playing the slow ballad until he was sure everybody was calm.

Damian sat closer and reached for the guitar demanding to join but not patient enough to learn at that moment, like a regular child for a change, so Dick let him strum with the pick while he controlled the chords himself and that seemed to appease everyone for a while. He started to notice that Cosmo wasn’t just rocking with the sound, he was actively trying to mimic Dick’s hands.

They cut the lesson short, it had pretty much been over the moment Damian lost his temper anyway, but it was early and the rain had stopped so Dick let the kids choose what they wanted to do and that’s how they ended up outside splashing in puddles and mud.

The boys missed the beach but it was too cold for that so Dick let them explore the manor grounds instead, going as far as the edges of the jungle. They were getting really good at climbing trees (climbing anything really) thanks to Dick’s training but he still remembered the incident during Christmas so he hovered a bit overprotectively and went as far as climbing along with them whenever they wanted to go higher.

They were actually sitting on a damp gnarled branch of an old behemoth whose species Dick didn’t know, Damian’s restless little legs dangling back and forth while Dick tried to keep Cosmo from falling, when they spotted something in the distance, still within the massive manor grounds but out of sight of the main house.

 ** _“What that?”_** Damian pointed, rushing through the words.

 ** _“I’m not sure.”_** Dick squinted and tried to figure out what they were seeing, there were some low structures and some fencing and little dark moving dots. “Oh, I think it’s a coop.”

It made sense- the island was huge and filled with all sorts of wildlife but also mostly self-sufficient for the humans so it wouldn’t be surprising if they had chickens around for meat and eggs. It could also be something else, maybe rabbits, not pigs though because didn’t remember having pork a single time since his capture.

 ** _“What?”_** Damian looked confused, tried to squint as well as if that would magically make him understand.

 ** _“Birds, Dami.”_** Dick smiled and made gesture with his hands to mimic wings. He predicted Damian’s next response with eerie accuracy.

 **“Wanna see!”** The boy squealed almost immediately.

Dick chuckled and glanced at Cosmo to see if the younger twin was interested but all he saw was that the kid was getting restless too.

 ** _“Sure.”_** He smiled, picked up a child in each arm, cradling their heads to his chest. **_“Hold tight.”_** Dick then jumped, used the tree trunk as a foothold and executed a perfect double flip before landing with ease on the muddy ground.

Damian squealed in delight through the whole thing and asked for more, Cosmo just blinked as if he had no idea why they were suddenly on the ground. Dick chuckled again and let them down, holding their little hands as they made their way towards the general direction of the mysterious structures.

It didn’t take long to find it, Dick was used to much trickier mysteries after all, and it turned out he was right, it really was a chicken coop. And a rabbit pen. And a whole stable that they had somehow missed behind a wall of trees.

They could hear and smell all sorts of creatures but due to the bad weather there weren’t many animals out except for the chickens idling about but they looked nothing like the chickens Dick remembered the circus carrying around or the ones from the Kent farm that he saw a few times, these were pitch black all over like really fat crows.

Damian squealed all over again tried to climb the fence before Dick could say anything, but he caught the kid and hauled up like a sack of potatoes just long enough to find the person responsible for the animals. It was an older bald beta that reminded Dick of a bulkier Ravi, the guy took one look at the squirming Damian and immediately bowed his head in deference, Dick rolled his eyes at that.

 **“Can they see the birds, please?”** Dick asked politely, still wrangling the impatient boy while Cosmo merely held onto his hand.

The man opened the little gate for them. Finally free, Damian rushed in and started chasing after the frightened birds despite Dick’s warnings to be careful; meanwhile Cosmo crouched by the fence and stared at a chicken that stared right back, the kid even mirrored every little head tilt of the bird like he was trying to figure out what the thing was.

 ** _“You having fun there, little prince?”_** Dick crouched down to Cosmo’s level but the boy didn’t seem to be listening, so he glanced over in time to see Damian catch one of the goth chickens in a bear hug. **“Careful, Dami, it might…”** Before he could finish the bird pecked Damian right in the nose and startled the kid into letting go, leading Dick to snort.

Damian pouted and grumbled but didn’t give up and started chasing the exact same chicken again out of sheer spite, the next time he caught it he squeezed it so tight that Dick had to hop in and coach him into loosening his grip.

 ** _“Be gentle, Dami.”_** Dick guided the kid into petting the animal gently, he didn’t want a repeat of the fish conversation.

 **“But they run away!”** Damian argued even though he did indeed hold the bird more carefully.

“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, baby bat.”

“Flies? **_But…_** ” The boy lifted the animal towards Dick, showing him the creature with a confused frown. **_“Chicken.”_**

“It’s a saying, Dami.” Dick chuckled. “It means if you’re nice to them, they’ll come to you.”

Damian seem to mull this over very seriously while he pet the chicken’s feathers absentmindedly and looked around the fenced space. Dick wondered what was going on in his little head.

 ** _“Why?”_** The little boy asked after a little while just playing with the grumpy bird.

**_“Why what, Dami?”_ **

**_“Why are they here?”_** Damian looked around the fence again and cocked his head innocently towards the jungle. **_“Why not out there?”_**

“Oh.” Dick wasn’t sure how to answer that, the thought of explaining to the kids why some animals were raised in a cage sort of made him feel a little sick, seeing as the twins were unknowingly being raised in captivity too. Damian was starting to look impatient though so Dick had to say _something_. **_“They’re kept here for people to use.”_**

 ** _“Use?”_** Clearly the answer wasn’t good enough for the boy.

“Er…” Did Dick really want to have the whole food chain talk with the kids just yet? They already understood that animals ate each other and why but did he really want them to start questioning the origins of their own food and turning even more picky? No, no he did not. “Eggs. We protect them and feed them and they make eggs, we eat eggs.”

Damian tilted his head as if he wasn’t quite convinced, he stared right into Dick’s soul for a second and then shrugged and started chasing a new chicken while still hugging and petting the first one. Dick let out the nervous breath he’d been holding and decided to look around for Cosmo and change the topic entirely.

The younger twin seemed to have found something more interesting than the birds by the actual coop and was hunched over sucking on his thumb while he watched that something slither on the ground.

“What do you have there, kiddo?” Dick moved to Cosmo and leaned over him only to instinctively grab the kid’s shoulder to keep him still.

Cosmo had been curiously watching a little black snake with yellowish green and red stripes that appeared to be trying to sneak into the coop and it took Dick a moment to identify it as a harmless kukri snake. Back at Haly’s, their snake charmer, Lila, had a few even though they rarely got as much attention as the big pythons.

Damian soon approached too, curious and still holding the fat black chicken. **_“What’s that?”_**

“A snake, Dami.” Dick ruffled the boy’s hair. “This one is alright but you should stay away for snakes if you see them.”

“Why?” Damian kept petting the chicken but was showing more and more interest in the snake that was still looking for a way into the coop.

“Because some of them are venomous.”

“Ven… Venous… Vemnous…” Damian struggled with the word, getting frustrated very quickly. English always seemed to be just a little bit harder on him than Arabic or Romanes, he was even picking up words in Farsi easier than he did English.

“Ve-no-mous.” Dick enunciated with a smile, his boys were adorable. “It means if they bite you, you get very sick.”

Damian looked at the snake then back at Dick and a skeptical frown formed on his face, like he didn’t believe something so small and shiny could be dangerous.

The old caretaker noticed their little gathering and came to check what was happening. Less than a minute later he grabbing a shovel and trying to stab into the snake, the first jab only hit mud but it was enough to startle the boys and it took all of five seconds for Damian to drop the chicken and rush to stand in front of the helpless reptile while Cosmo swooped in to grab the snake itself.

 **“No!”** Damian yelled, trying to shove the surprised caretaker.

 **“Everybody, calm down.”** Dick swooped in and put his most diplomatic voice as he held the twins back and faced the older man. **“Can you please not do that?”**

 **“Snakes keep stealing eggs, they’re pests.”** The man explained, or at least that’s what Dick thought he said, he used a particular dialect Dick wasn’t familiar with and he was getting by mostly on context cues. All in all, the beta looked very puzzled by the whole situation.

Dick looked from the man to the stubborn boys, before he could decide how to reply he felt a tap on his head, then another on his shoulder- it was starting to rain again.

 **“We’ll get it out of here for you.”** Dick decided quickly, pacifying the man that seemed to be struggling to understand him as well. Then he leaned down to the kids. **“Let’s go, boys.”**

 **“But… But…”** Damian pouted and stomped his little foot, looked around at the birds that were already seeking shelter.

 ** _“We can come back another time, I promise.”_** Dick negotiated and beckoned the kids to follow him out. He could have just ordered them but that was never how Dick Grayson did things.

Damian was incredibly reluctant but grabbed Cosmo’s hand and they stomped after Dick until all three were walking through the edge of the jungle. For a while, there was silence, broken only by the squelching of mud and the swishing of leaves but soon the two boys seemed to be not quite arguing but something close enough.

Cosmo never truly argued but he was refusing to give his brother the snake that he was carrying coiled in the folded edge of his shirt and Damian was making angry whiny noises that didn’t quite turn into words and kept trying to take the animal for himself.

“Ok, enough.” Dick stopped under the shivering canopy of a tree to avoid the fat slow drops of rain and crouched down in front of them. “No fighting. We have to release the snake anyway, so say goodbye and let it go.”

 ** _“No.”_** Damian puffed up proudly and his pouty lip jutted out even more.

Cosmo seemed to desperately want to communicate something too but struggled and ended up just scrunching his face in frustration and hiding behind his brother while fidgeting.

**_“Boys, please. It’s starting to rain, we don’t have time to argue about this, we have to get inside.”_ **

**_“We take it home.”_** Damian didn’t ask, he insisted.

 ** _“No.”_** It was Dick’s turn to use Damian’s staple. **_“You can’t just take it.”_**

 ** _“Why?”_** The boy demanded, stubborn, his sulky voice even dropped a few octaves and for a second Dick was surer than he’d ever been that he was witnessing what Bruce sounded like as a child.

 ** _“You don’t know how to take care of it.”_** They were very little and Dick really didn’t want them to accidentally kill their first pet. That was true but not the real reason for his refusal.

 ** _“We learn.”_** Damian countered, growing progressively more stubborn.

 ** _“It could have a family out there waiting, do you want to separate them?”_** Dick tried the emotional angle, since the logical wasn’t working.

“Hm…” That seemed to stump the boy for a moment, he looked around a little troubled but Cosmo pressed against him, holding the curled up reptile protectively between them and that was enough to steel Damian’s resolve. **_“We take them too.”_**

“Dami…” Dick sighed, as amusing as it was to imagine Ra’s manor infested with snakes he still didn’t think this was a good idea (Ra’s would probably like that anyway, if the whole theme of ‘Eth Alth’Eban was anything to go by).

He wasn’t against the kids having a pet, he didn’t even mind taking care of it for them, he was just afraid of what would happen if Talia came back and disapproved after they had gotten attached. He didn’t trust her not to use something they loved against them. He didn’t want them to get their little hearts broken.

The rain started coming down harder and there was a very soft threat of thunder in the distance that made Damian flinch but he still stood his ground and wouldn’t let himself be distracted, Dick admired that.

Most kids wanted puppies or kittens and a good deal of them got goldfish, turtles or hamsters as their first pets, but no, not them- leave it to a pair of Graysons to pick the most exotic thing around instead. Dick supposed it could be worse, it could have an _elephant_ (he didn’t have a leg to stand on with this argument and he knew it).

 ** _“Fine, you can keep it. Maybe.”_** That was bullshit, there was no maybe, Dick was definitely giving in because he really didn’t know how to say no to his boys but he could at least make a teachable moment out of this. **_“And you have to behave. Got it? No fighting, it’s not a toy, it’s a living being.”_**

The twins nodded eagerly and happy, Damian even had a smug self-satisfied smile on his face. Dick had a really bad feeling but seeing them happy was worth everything so he decided to spoil them.

And that’s how they ended up racing back to the manor under pouring rain with a snake that nearly gave Fatima a heart attack. Still, they got more dirty looks over tracking mud all over the place and being late for lunch than they did over the new pet, so maybe it would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love adding these little moments that are so tiny for Dick but that will make an enormous difference in Damian's upbringing (and Cosmo's) in the long run.  
> I wonder what's coming next? Take your guesses.
> 
> Fun fact: the goth chickens are Kadaknath chickens (do google them). The snake is a striped [Oligodon octolineatus](https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7025/6749987741_4e1316f0b0.jpg) (gee, I wonder if there's a reason I picked that one >_>).  
> Extra fun fact: I still can't get forget that reader that pointed out the NightGhost ship could be called Duck, I can't unsee it, it's cursed info.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Oh, speaking of tumblr, I have another omegaverse AU with brudick and other fun Bat Fam ships (The Throuple AU) that I haven't begun to make into a fic yet but I'm taking one-shut and drabble prompts for. [You can find it here](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/618625181759520768/the-throuple-omegaverse-bat-clan-au) .
> 
> Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments mean to me, they keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.


	36. Ugly Duckling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone catches a flu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before my chapters might be a little bit slower because my dad had major surgery and I'm literally his only caretaker.  
> Still, any and all support means a lot to me as it keeps me motivated to continue (and it's really the only positive thing I have going on) so do leave your opinions and comments or go ask me stuff on tumblr or send prompts. If you want, of course.
> 
> Anyway, lot's of language back and forth in this chapter, it's on purpose. Anyway, it's the usual **Arabic** vs English vs **_Romanes_**.
> 
> **Oh, and the lovely[MiloKvistad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiloKvistad/profile), who has always been so supportive of this story, made an amazingly on point playlist for this fic, you can find it [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37ZiXMCEunMRqhfz1TPix3?si=uO47iY8tQae_zaA3s2wbjQ). Do check it out! **

For all his reluctance, Dick ended up with a new roommate.

After checking that the snake was unharmed Dick placed it in a basket with food and water until he figured out the logistics of having the pet around. Unfortunately, it was an animal that made some of the maids nervous and therefore Dick had to keep it in his room rather than close to the boys.

At least it seemed like the creature was docile and wasn’t too upset about being relocated. Dick couldn’t relate and wouldn’t have been surprised if the snake decided to bite or escape but it did neither so he figured the least he could do was make sure it was happy in its new home.

Dick wasn’t all that comfortable that the snake was so docile to start with. Sure, that meant it might adapt well to being a pet and might be safe to have around the kids, but something about seeing a wild animal being so submissive towards its captors felt wrong and he couldn’t even figure out why it felt that way. Maybe it was just his paranoia.

Not that they were really captors, from what Dick understood the kukri snakes were killed on sight to prevent them from stealing eggs or frightening the domesticated animals so it was more like the kids were rescuers instead of captors. Dick would have to impress this difference onto them later, just to discourage Damian from bringing any other wildlife home.

The rest of the day ended up being pretty uneventful- there was lunch with Naima complaining about them being out in the rain, there was a very reluctant nap aided by the rainy atmosphere, there was a lot of rope climbing and gymnastics in the dojo, a messy dinner where Damian played with his food more than he ate, and there was an evening full of excitement about the snake.

He slipped down to kitchen that night to meet Ghost, it was becoming a little bit of a habit every couple of days. They drank, flirted, and talked.

Dick learned that the Al Ghul family actually had an affinity for animals, he wasn’t shocked that an eco-terrorist like Ra’s would have a thing for some creatures, specially after seeing ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban, but it still surprised him that the man had ever allowed his children to have pets, he just had a hard time imagining Ra’s as a loving parent even though Ghost claimed that (to Talia) he was.

Either way, Dusan had had birds while his sisters had horses and other pets growing up. The older omega thought it was a good way to build a sense of responsibility but he didn’t think getting attached to said animals was a great idea, he never specified why but given the sorrow with which he said it, Dick could guess. No matter what Ghost said though, it didn’t change the fact that he showed up the next morning with a huge tank to house the twins’ new pet.

Dick called him a softy and would totally have snuck away to spend the morning with the man while the kids were being tutored, if not for the current predicament in his hands.

Damian had a fever.

When Dick went to wake the kids the morning after their visit to the coop, he knew right away that something was off just by the scent and he found Damian burning up and shivering, he also seemed have developed a runny nose some time during the night.

Cosmo seemed perfectly fine and Dick had long since formed the sneaking suspicion he was incapable of getting sick either way but the boy refused to leave the bed unless Damian did so Dick figured that if he played his cards right he could make it seem like they were both sick and nobody would get suspicious.

It didn’t look like anything more nefarious than a simple cold, maybe a flu at worst, but Dick announced that the kids weren’t leaving their room anytime soon and nobody was allowed to come in and overwhelm them. For a second it seemed like Ravi might object or that the maids wanted to take over caring for the boys but Dick glared and people stopped insisting soon after and gave him a wide berth (he wasn’t sure if his scent had anything to do with that or not).

Damian slept most of the morning and for a while Cosmo seemed fine with that, he stayed close and spent most of the time fascinated by the pet exploring its new tank; then the older twin refused to eat the lunch the maids brought and that was when Cosmo started to slowly become agitated.

Sometime in afternoon Damian started coughing and whining that everything hurt, Dick didn’t want to leave his side, so he asked Fatima to bring him supplies from the infirmary. He kept Damian warm in bed, rubbed mint and camphor on his tiny chest, used a cold compress for the fever and made sure the boy at least drank water; he was worried, of course, but taking care of Damian soon proved easier than handling Cosmo.

The more the older twin coughed and the longer he was feverish, the more distressed the younger boy got.

Cosmo seemed to be trying really hard to communicate something but got deeply frustrated when he failed, which was new, he never cared before if people understood him or not; Dick wasn’t sure if the frustration stemmed from confusion over the situation or if Cosmo just didn’t know how to express what was on his mind. Either way, the boy’s scent oozed anxiety and he couldn’t stay still, he was twitchy and clingy and chewed his own lip until it bled and Dick was forced to give him something else to chew on before he hurt himself further.

Truth be told, Dick was getting more worried about Cosmo than Damian, at least with a flu he knew what to do.

Cosmo was usually the quiet one- it’s not that he behaved better, it’s simply that he wasn’t openly confrontational like his brother, nor was he loud, therefore people tended to overlook him.

Sure, he sometimes did odd things that could be a problem if left unsupervised but so did every toddler, it wasn’t about mischievousness or malice, he was just exploring the world. Cosmo didn’t talk to people but that meant he also didn’t argue, he had a habit of putting everything in his mouth and Dick kept dreading the day he’d choke on something but other than that he never truly got hurt, not for long anyway. The boy’s reaction to stress was often to shut down, unlike Damian who would meltdown and make sure the whole world suffered with him.

Everyone overlooked Cosmo and he liked it that way, he wasn’t interested in communication. Which was why it was odd that he was suddenly trying so hard to interact and expressing stress so poignantly.

A nasty little coughing fit from Damian had Cosmo in tears and so frustrated that he started banging his little forehead against the wall and Dick had jump off the bed to pull the kid back and hold him tightly until he stopped struggling and hurting himself. By then Dick was about ready to cry too because he just wanted so badly to understand what Cosmo needed so he could give it.

 ** _“Dami is going to be fine, little prince. He’s just a little sick but we’ll make him better, I promise.”_** Dick murmured as he rocked the boy held firmly in his arms. In response Cosmo just thrashed and made unusually loud keening noises while sinking his teeth in the first thing he could reach, which unfortunately was Dick’s bicep.

Dick hissed at the blunt little teeth but didn’t let go. He didn’t want to change his boys but for once he just wished Cosmo would talk, the kid knew how but unless he was copying someone else it didn’t seem like words were enough for him.

And then Damian started crying because his head and throat hurt. Dick also felt a headache rapidly flaring up in his skull but he worked well under pressure- he hauled Cosmo up onto the bed and gathered both boys in his arms, looking around for a way to distract them.

It was sundown and cloudy skies made the room prematurely dark; in his rush to grab Cosmo, Dick had knocked over the bedside lamp and it was shining a circle of light onto the wall while casting shadows everywhere else. It gave him a bit of an idea.

 ** _“Want to see a trick?”_** Dick smiled and maneuvered around until the boys could see the shadows he was creating on the wall, he made a dog puppet with his hand and gave a little play bark.

Damian sniffled, still crying a little but started to calm down when Dick used both hands to make a bird shadow fly across the wall. Cosmo rocked back and forth anxiously but paid attention too, the kid kept looking between Dick’s hands and the shadows on the wall, all the while chewing on his own sleeve.

 ** _“You like that? Oh look, what’s this?”_** Dick grabbed a spoonful of porridge from a bowl the maids had brought, all the while still shaping a bird shadow. **_“The birdie has a spoon? Open up, Dami. Please?”_**

It was a classic airplane move that the kids hadn’t fallen for since they were one, but Damian was distracted enough that he did open his mouth and ate when Dick fed him. He let out a relieved breath and repeated the move a couple more times until the kids started getting antsy again, then he used both hands to create a whole new shape on the wall.

“Elephant!” Damian pointed at the shadow and lifted his elephant plushie at the same time for emphasis.

“Yes! Can you eat for Mr. Elephant too?” Dick exaggerated his enthusiasm, hoping it would be infectious, and held up the spoon again, feeding the boy patiently. **_“Thank you, Dami.”_**

 **“More.”** The boy pointed at the wall, more interested in the show than the food. Cosmo seemed to agree and nudged Dick to continue.

 ** _“Let’s see… How about this one? You know this one?”_** Dick used both hands again, creating a shape the kids only knew from pictures in books.

“Hmm…” Damian looked puzzled and started coughing again. Cosmo was still rocking but now had his head tilted as if he was trying to see the puppet from other angles to figure it out.

“Remember that story we read about Artemis and the golden hind? What’s the animal with the antlers?” Dick gave them hints and kept the puppet up.

“Deer!” Damian suddenly remembered and Dick fed him another spoonful.

“Yes, that’s right.” Dick encouraged, still overly cheerful; he hoped making each new puppet a reward might encourage the kid to eat and so far it was working. Even Cosmo opened his mouth and leaned forward, prompting Dick to feed him too before he leaned back to create a new shadow. “What’s this one?”

“Bunny!” Damian lifted his hands happily, now a lot more alert and no longer crying despite the occasional coughing fit.

“That’s it. You want to eat for the hopping bunny?” Dick made the puppet move in little jumps with one hand while he lifted the spoon up with the other, Damian chomped down immediately. **_“Thank you. Here’s your reward.”_**

Dick used both hands again, he was pretty sure the kids had seen this creature too in a mythology book but apparently they couldn’t remember because they both gave the puppet puzzled looks for a long while.

 ** _“What’s that?”_** Damian’s brows scrunched a little in confusion but he automatically opened his mouth for more food when Cosmo lifted the spoon to sloppily feed with his brother in Dick’s place.

“It’s a swan.” Dick moved the shape across the wall as elegantly as he could.

 ** _“What?”_** Damian mumbled the question through a mouthful of porridge at the same time as Cosmo ate some himself, the younger twin was getting as much food on their faces as he was in their mouths.

“It’s a pretty water bird with a long neck.” Dick dispelled the puppet and wiped their faces gently. “There’s a story about ducks and swans, I’ll tell it to you if you finish your food. **_You too, little prince._** ”

Both boys obediently accepted more food but Damian pointed at the wall again. **“More.”**

“Sure thing, baby bat. Speaking of,” Dick grinned and used both hands to create a shape similar to his first bird but then splayed his fingers just enough to make something completely different. “here’s a little bat.”

Damian smiled a little and Cosmo let out a happy squeak and pointed at the puppet.

“You like that, Cosmo?” Dick held the shape a little longer and made the bat flap its wings, Cosmo reacted by trying to mimic it and create his own bat shadow. “That’s good, kiddo, but try this.” He adjusted the boy’s hands just a little and then watched Cosmo make his own bat flap around. “Very good!”

Dick clapped his hands, playing up the enthusiasm again, hoping the good mood could last a little longer before Damian’s flu struck again (Dick knew from experience what it was like to function between waves of an illness). Moments later Cosmo was pulling at his father’s hands in a clear bid for more, Damian also looked intrigued and easily accepted another spoonful of porridge.

“You want to do another one? Try this.” Dick made a new, simpler, shape with his hand and watched Cosmo copy it exactly until two shadows were on the wall. “That’s a nice ducky, little prince.”

Cosmo moved his puppet around and Dick got an idea- he changed shapes to create a dog again and the younger boy copied easily, then he changed it again to make a bull and again Cosmo imitated perfectly. Dick stopped making puppets altogether and watched the boy go through the different shapes and pull at Damian’s arm excitedly for attention as he did so.

Cosmo wanting attention. That was new.

“Hey, how would you boys like to learn a whole new way to talk? Just with your hands?” Dick asked, watching both boys turn their attention to him.

“Hands?” Damian sound both confused and skeptical between tiny coughs.

“No words.” Dick nodded and then lifted a hand to his forehead in something almost like a salute. “This is ‘hello’.” He watched the boys copy him and then lifted that same hand and flexed all his fingers, except his thumb, open and closed. “This is ‘bye’.” A little pause for the twins to mimic and then he brought his open hand to his chest in a circular motion. “Please.” Again, the kids repeated the gesture and he lifted his hand loosely with his fingertips to his chin and moved it forward. “Thank you.”

The boys copied the signs with their little faces scrunched up in focus and Dick smiled encouragingly and watched them repeat all the new words, occasionally correcting a gesture or two. Damian was so feverish and tired that he had a little trouble remembering the nuances of all the new signs, the fact that he had to stop to cough a few times didn’t help, but Cosmo took to it easily.

 ** _“Hello.”_** Damian did the sign slowly. **_“Bye-bye.”_** He did the other and looked up at Dick hopefully, wanting approval.

 ** _“That’s right. Do you like it? Wait.”_** He stopped them from answering then closed his hand in a loose upright fist and tipped his wrist in a little nod. **_“This is ‘yes’,”_** he then maintained the fist but stuck out his thumb, index and middle fingers and flexed them open and closed in a pinching motion. **_“and this is ‘no’. So, do you like it?”_**

Damian carefully did the sign for yes. **_“Like this?”_**

“Yup.” Dick smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair before looking at Cosmo. “You like this, little prince?” The kid replied with excited ‘yes’ signs that made Dick smile even more. “Oh, you do! Want to learn more?”

Cosmo nodded but Damian chose that moment to crawl into Dick’s lap, looking feverish and whiny. **_“But, the story…”_**

“Right, I promised the ugly duckling story, didn’t I?” He placed a little kiss on Damian’s forehead. “Let’s do both then, ok? But you have to take your medicine first.”

“Tastes yucky.” Damian complained and tried to squirm away while Dick reached for the cough syrup.

“I know but it will make you feel better.” He tipped some syrup onto the spoon and held it out for the boy.

Damian pouted but reluctantly swallowed the medicine and made a face. Dick gave him some water and kissed the top of his head before tucking the kid into bed, the kid was still feverish but the excitement and alertness from the shadow puppets hadn’t faded yet.

Cosmo settled next to his brother and looked up expectantly at Dick, waving his hands eagerly, he seemed better now, not exactly calmer but his nervous energy had been redirected to something more positive.

 **“Snake.”** Damian demanded, pointing in the general vicinity of the tank.

 ** _“Not tonight, Dami. When you feel better.”_** Dick promised and for once Damian didn’t argue, which was as sure a sign as any that he wasn’t feeling well.

Once he made sure everyone was warm and well taken care of, Dick sat in front of them and cracked his knuckles. He was rusty but he planned on telling the story while translating with sign language as best as he could, he doubted the kids would absorb much from it that night but they were interested and he would feed that interest. That’s how they had learned to read in the first place.

Sign language was a useful skill- on the field it was helpful for stealth communication and Dick had learned it (and Morse code) from Bruce early in his training; years later he’d improved further and practiced more socially thanks to Joey. Sooner or later the kids would have learned it anyway, they were a little young to add another language to their repertoire but Cosmo’s sudden interest in communicating felt like a sign (pun intended) and he figured the younger they started the more easily they’d pick it up.

Dick wasn’t sure why the younger twin suddenly wanted to interact, he didn’t even know if this was one of those things that Cosmo only did with Dick and Damian, but perhaps he was just a late bloomer and really did want to be more social, Dick didn’t know but he was trying his best to work with what he had.

 ** _“Ok, here we go.”_** Dick took a breath and started, trying hard to remember the details of the story, his mom used to own a book of Andersen stories and she had read this particular one to him many times. “Once upon a time, there was a mama duck waiting for her eggs to hatch and when they did, she had a bunch of cute little ducklings. All except one. The ducklings were small, fluffy and yellow but this one wasn’t like the others, he was big and grey and different…”

The kids were fascinated by the story, Damian was less focused on the signing since he was tired and sluggish and when it started to rain he plopped his head in Cosmo’s lap, letting his eyes close while he listened. Cosmo clung to his twin a little too tight whenever Damian coughed but other than that he seemed more interested in Dick’s hands than anything else.

Dick described how the farm animals mistreated the poor duckling, how he ran away seeking the help of wild ducks and geese only for the hunters to ‘scare them away’ (he wasn’t about to tell the boys the hunters killed them all), then he reached the part where the duckling goes home with an old woman but again gets bullied by the cat and hen and that was when Damian interrupted.

“Chicken!” The boy cried suddenly, he had been near sleep until he heard the mention to the bird and Dick rolled his eyes fondly.

 ** _“Yes, Dami. Like the ones we saw.”_** Dick watched the boy yawn and mumble something about wanting the chickens. **_“We can go see them when you’re better, baby bat.”_**

“Why is the chicken mean to the ducky?” Damian opened his drowsy eyes and coughed a little, Cosmo reacted to the question by staring at Dick with vivid green eyes that he swore could look right into his soul.

“I told you, they think he’s ugly.”

“Why is grey ugly?” Damian’s face scrunched a little in confusion.

“It’s not.” Dick shrugged. “It’s not really that he’s ugly, Dami, and even if he was, they shouldn’t bully him.”

“Bully?” The kids had heard the word before, but Damian still fixated on it.

“A bully is a mean person that treats other people badly, usually for selfish reasons.” Dick explained, hoping to clear up whatever it was they thought the word meant.

“Like mama?”

“What?” Dick choked, he was so taken aback by Damian’s logic that he almost got whiplash. “I mean… Yes, like her.”

“If the ducky is not ugly, why do they bully?” The boys didn’t seem to register his surprise at all and Damian just kept up his questions now that he was more awake and thinking the story through.

“Because he’s different from what they think he should be.”

“Like uncle Ghost?” Damian looked innocently at his father and Cosmo kept staring, now chewing on the ear of the elephant plushie.

“Huh.” Again, he was surprised by the comparison, Damian had always been perceptive but apparently Dick had underestimated the toddler. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Dick hoped it would take a long, _long_ , time for the kids to realize that in the real world, Ghost’s differences would barely get noticed but Cosmo’s would most definitely be bullied to all hell.

 ** _“People are mean to uncle Ghost too?”_** Damian sat up, Cosmo wasn’t happy that his brother was leaving his lap so he tugged him until older twin was sitting with the youngest’s arms draped over him.

 ** _“Sometimes.”_** Dick nodded.

 ** _“Why?”_** Damian frowned.

 ** _“Some people don’t like different, they think only what they like is right, they feel threatened by what they don’t understand.”_** Dick tried his best to explain but it wasn’t easy, he never quite understood what people got out of being needlessly cruel.

 ** _“Can’t ducky fight?”_** Damian countered, raising his fists for emphasis only to dissolve into little coughs a second later.

 ** _“Damian, what have I taught you about hurting others just because you can?”_** Dick scolded lightly, even as he rubbed the boy’s back.

“But the bullies are mean first!” Damian argued, throwing his hands up in irritation. **_“You said fighting is ok if they attack first.”_**

**_“Yes, I did but this is different. This is about being the better person. Just because some people are bad first doesn’t mean you should do the same.”_ **

“Stupid.” Damian pouted, Dick wasn’t sure the kid even understood but he let him express himself. “Ducky should fight, make them…” The boy hesitated, struggling with his words. “…make them repest him.” Damian puffed up a little with pride, his feverish cheeks were so red that he looked especially adorable.

“Respect.” Dick corrected casually. “That’s a big word, baby bat.”

“Mama said we must make people respect us.” Well, that explained it. God, Dick really hated when Talia got in the kids’ heads. How could she still do that after being away for so long?

“Respect is earned, Dami. What Talia taught you is to scare people.” Dick took a long steadying breath and tried to figure out how to counter the woman’s ideals. “If you scare someone into treating you well, that’s just fear and people won’t like you, but if you’re good and treat people right then you get their respect.”

Damian seemed to be struggling with this new lesson but then he looked at Dick and tilted his head a little in thought. **_“…You are good.”_**

 ** _“I try.”_** Dick shrugged, wondering where the kid was going with this. Cosmo nodded in agreement though, so Dick gave him a small smile.

“Mama doesn’t re…repes…respect you.” Damian stumbled on the word and his lower lip started jutting out in a little pout.

“No, she does not.” Dick agreed, no point in lying there.

 ** _“You said to do what mama says.”_** Oh, so that was what was confusing boy. He didn’t get why he had to listen to a bully, the mixed message was a bit too much for his little head.

 ** _“I did.”_** Dick nodded and sighed. **_“I know it’s confusing, Dami, but it’s better to do what she says and make her proud.”_**

 ** _“Why?”_** Damian pouted.

**_“It’s just better that way.”_ **

**_“Why?”_** The boy insisted.

“Because I said so, Damian!” He snapped and the boy only winced a little bit but Dick regretted the outburst immediately and pulled both kids into his lap for a hug. **_“I’m sorry, baby. One day you’ll understand, alright? I promise.”_**

 ** _“You promise a lot.”_** Damian mumbled, annoyed, but still hugged back.

 ** _“Do I?”_** Dick smiled sheepishly, he needed to change the subject. **_“Well, shall we continue the story or not?”_**

Cosmo immediately lifted his fist and did the ‘yes’ sign, which surprised Dick because he wasn’t used to the kid communicating directly and was glad he’d decided to introduce them to sign language. Before he could say anything though, Damian pipped in.

 ** _“I don’t like this story. Everybody is mean.”_** The older twin scowled.

**_“Maybe, but don’t you want to find out how it ends?”_ **

“Hm…” Damian hesitated, like Bruce he didn’t like not knowing the answer to something no matter how bad it was, and Dick learned how to pull at that thread many years ago.

 ** _“Well?”_** He prodded gently and Cosmo started tugging at Damian’s sleeve insistently.

 ** _“More.”_** Damian finally agreed and slumped against Cosmo so tiredly that Dick tucked them both back under the blankets.

“Ok, so the ugly duckling runs away from the old woman’s house and finds his way to the lake where he sees big, elegant swans flying away from the cold.” Dick continued as if there had been no interruption to begin with. “His mama told him about them, how they were the prettiest birds in the land and everyone admired them, now he sees them fly and he thinks they are beautiful and he wishes he could go with them but he’s too small and he can’t fly so he can’t follow…”

Dick proceeded to tell the kids how the duckling hid away in shame, sticking close to the lake even as it rained and snowed and part of the pond froze; he told them how the poor bird survived a miserable winter all alone because he was too afraid the other animals would bully him again.

The twins were starting to get annoyed; they were sad for the duckling and Dick thought that was a good thing, empathy was important. He decided it was time to lighten things up so he told them how Spring came with warmth and flowers and the swans returned.

“When he saw them come back and float like ghosts over the pond, he was in awe of them again but he was so tired of being alone and he…” Dick hesitated then, it was just a story but for some reason he wasn’t sure if he should say the rest out loud.

He couldn’t explain that the duckling was so lonely and full of self-hatred that he wanted to die and threw himself at the massive swans in hopes that the beautiful birds would end his misery, he just couldn’t tell them something that dark, could he? But he was against censoring the stories, there was a lesson to be learned there and it wouldn’t have any impact if he cleaned up the gritty parts.

“The ugly duckling was really lonely, he was very tired of being sad all the time and all the bullying made him feel like he wasn’t important and would never be loved. It made him a little…” Dick wasn’t sure what word to use that the toddlers might understand so he figured he should keep it simple. “It made him a little crazy, he just wanted it all to be over so he threw himself at the swans, hoping that the huge beautiful creatures would end his life once and for all.”

 ** _“Ducky dies?”_** Damian startled up, looking uneasy and close to tears.

 ** _“No, Dami. The swans didn’t hurt him.”_** Dick soothed, petting both boys gently.

 ** _“Ducky lives?”_** The child looked hopefully up at him.

 ** _“Yes, Dami.”_** Dick nodded.

 ** _“But he wanted to die?”_** The kid went from hopeful to confused very fast, his drowsy face scrunching up. It was very clear that he couldn’t fathom how anyone could ever _want_ to die.

 ** _“Yes.”_** He decided to be honest and keep it simple.

 ** _“Why?!”_** The outraged way Damian cried out the word was a little heartbreaking and made Dick feel terrible for reasons he didn’t want to analyze.

“I hope you never have to understand why, baby bat.” Dick knew his smile looked unbearably sad, felt it stiff and pained on his face as he cupped Damian’s feverish cheek in a gentle caress, his mind wandering because he absolutely could understand how someone could reach that point of despair. He cleared his throat and decided he had had enough of the topic; this story was exhausting him. “Anyway, the swans saw him and they welcomed him.”

 ** _“They were good?”_** Damian sounded not quite sad but anxious and hopeful.

“Yes, they were, and the ducky didn’t know why, he asked them and they told him he was one of them. He looked at his reflection in the water and realized that in the middle of all the bullying and the loneliness and the cold winter, he had grown up and become a beautiful swan.”

 ** _“How?”_** Damian coughed the word more than said it, he looked doubtful.

“Because he was never an ugly duckling to begin with, he was a lost baby swan. Everyone though he was ugly because they weren’t seeing the real him, they were trying to make him into something he wasn’t.” Dick explained patiently.

He wondered for a second if someday the kids would know that they weren’t Talia’s little Al Ghuls, her mini assassins, but rather his baby bats, his little Flying Graysons, his tiny robins. It would be nice if one day they grew into their wings and out of Talia’s bloody shadow.

 ** _“Did he go with the…”_** Damian forgot the word and shifted into a different language mid-sentence. “…swans?” The boy asked, oblivious to Dick’s heavy thoughts.

“Yes, they become his new family and he flies away with them to freedom.” Dick made a bird shape with hands again and pretended to make it fly.

“What about mama duck?”

“What about her?” It was a strange question, when Dick was a kid hearing the story he never really thought about the mother duck character after the plot twist.

“He goes back to mama?” Damian’s voice was innocent and earnest.

“Well…” Dick trailed off as he considered what to say, he was starting to regret this story. “Maybe he does, she’s still his mama and he loves her and now he’s no longer ashamed to go back to the farm, all the animals would admire him now that he’s a swan.”

“They repest him?” Damian was testing the statement more than he was asking, like he still working out the meaning of the word.

“Respect.” Dick corrected automatically once more. “I don’t know, Dami, but I don’t think he would care if they did.” He shrugged, tired. How could Damian be overthinking when he looked about to pass out? “Anyway, it doesn’t matter if he sees mama duck again, he has a new family now that loves him as he is.”

“They love him because he’s pretty like them.” The boy pouted. Once again, Dick wondered where the hell the kid got that logic from; he wasn’t exactly wrong, but no way did normal toddlers react to fairy tales like Damian did.

“They don’t see it that way, Dami. They just see someone like them that is sad and alone and a little weird, they aren’t mean about it and just accept him as their equal.” Dick went on patiently. “Everyone was happy in the end, that’s what matters.”

Damian mumbled something about the swans but it was drowned by his cough, Dick decided that was enough story telling for one day and made the kids lie down to rest. He was forced to cuddle with them because Damian wouldn’t let him go but Dick didn’t mind, it allowed him to keep an eye out in case Damian got worse and it gave him the chance to hold them and hug them for as long as he wanted.

As for Cosmo, it was impossible to figure out what he was thinking, he was still chewing on the plushie’s ear and watching his brother like a hawk but the livelier and chattier Damian got, the calmer he became; Cosmo also seemed more than content to cuddle with them. He was still making signs with his hands, mostly repeating the same simple but nonsensical words he’d picked up while Dick had been telling the story.

Damian kept babbling and asking questions but the more he talked the less sense he made and Dick figured it was the fever making him a little delirious, he made sure the cold compress was back on the boy’s head and just let him talk himself to sleep. It didn’t take long for both boys to doze off, the quiet of the room interrupted by Damian’s little stuffy nose snores.

Dick could watch them sleep like that for the rest of his life, they looked so peaceful and innocent and he just hoped they could cling to that a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me but I needed it. Time skips coming soon.  
> I realize some people have lost interest in this story but as long as someone enjoys it I'll keep writing, I have big plans for it, after all.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> Oh, speaking of tumblr, I have another omegaverse AU with brudick and other fun Bat Fam ships (The Throuple AU) that I haven't begun to make into a fic yet but I'm taking one-shut and drabble prompts for. [You can find it here](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/618625181759520768/the-throuple-omegaverse-bat-clan-au) .
> 
> Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments mean to me, they keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.


	37. Sore Throats and Secret Spots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is still sick and Dick has Al Ghuls to deal with, some more pleasant than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worst chapter title ever. I'm sorry, I'm tired.  
> Sorry for the delay, I has a bit of block but then the draft fell into place and now everything is flowing well again, so... You get two chapters today!
> 
> There's yet another great playlist for this fic!!!  
>  **The awesome Yagirlkore made[this fantastic playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3THoKCy5DWulxO1ajI9BJr?si=4Nhob391SVuh1UNnV2MqyQ). It's very "Dick PoV", do check it out! **  
> I'm always so honored when people are inspired by my work and I love seeing all your creations!

It was day three of Damian’s flu and Dick was running on fumes.

His current cocktail of medication put the withdrawal on the back burner, it was still there but manageable enough that he could power through it. However, being without Talia (or at the very least Ghost) for some time meant he was starting to feel it flare up again rather aggressively… Then again, he might have just caught Damian’s bug, that wouldn’t be surprising.

Either way, Dick had barely slept between dreams of Talia and Damian waking him up repeatedly with a myriad of complaints. Dick felt lethargic and exhausted, his insides kept cramping, he was feverish with cold seeping into every cell in his body again and the horrible anxiety caused by the lack of his alpha had him jittery and on edge. He wouldn’t let it show, he could keep it under wraps until Damian was better and Dick could finally leave the room.

Because he hadn’t left the room in the past three days, too focused on caring for the boys and making sure nobody else bothered them, he only allowed the maids in to bring food and supplies or when the boys where asleep. It wasn’t easy, the kids were getting cabin fevered from being inside for so long even if Damian could barely crawl out of bed to begin with, and that meant they were moody.

The day before Dick had managed to distract the kids for a little bit with the snake and trying to teach them how to finger-spell their names but then Damian had started throwing up and Cosmo had gotten more frantic and erratic again; wrangling them all day had been exhausting. The room ended up filled with acrid smell of vomit and distressed pheromones, Damian wet the bed twice that night and kept crying every other hour because the medicine wasn’t cutting it and his throat hurt too much, meanwhile Cosmo kept getting frustrated when nobody understood him and would cling so tightly to his brother that Damian started to get overwhelmed by the attention.

Now on day three, Dick just prayed Damian could keep down the chicken soup he’d fed him earlier (without telling him what actually went in the soup) and that Cosmo wouldn’t freak out and start trying to hurt himself again (not that he could, the kid still didn’t seem to feel pain but Dick worried nonetheless).

Dick felt ragged, tired and shaky but he needed to distract himself from how he felt so he was slicing carrots. A layer of thinly sliced carrots, a layer of sugar, another layer of carrots, another layer of sugar, on and on and then let rest for a few hours until he had carrot syrup for sore throats and coughs.

It was something he could do without having to think, an old recipe his mom used to make when Dick was sick. After he moved into Wayne manor he asked Alfred to make it too whenever he had a cough, more for the nostalgia than anything else but it worked so it had become a pack staple whenever someone got a sore throat.

Dick was so dazed out of his mind, slicing the carrots automatically, that he didn’t even realize Cosmo was staring at him intently while chewing on a raw carrot until a rather anxious dull ache around Dicks’ solar plexus distracted him and his shaky hands slipped. He sliced right into his palm and only really noticed when Cosmo made a shrill noise and banged his tiny hands on the table.

He startled and looked down at the bloody mess dripping onto the desk (luckily not into the bowl). The stinging cut hurt in just the right way and brought him out of his daze, it was…surprisingly sobering. It had been a while since he’d actually felt something like that, something physical and visible that exteriorized all the bad things he had locked up tight in the back of his mind.

Cosmo banged his hands again, that snapped Dick back to the moment.

“Sorry, little prince.” He apologized, and then, remembering his commitment to teaching the kids to sign, he raised a fist to chest and made a circle with it. “Sorry.”

Cosmo pointed at the red still beading in his hand and dripping down his wrist, Dick raised a stained open hand to his chest and then used the other to wiggle his spread fingers in a trickle down motion in front of the first hand. “Blood.”

Cosmo copied the sign and Dick gave him a calm nod as he wrapped his hand in cloth to stop the bleeding, he assured the boy he was fine and tossed the leftover nub of carrot in the trash before heading to the bathroom to clean up his injury.

Cosmo trailed after him to watch. The boy had never been bothered by blood, that and the protectiveness had usually been Damian’s thing, but given how tightly wound the younger twin had been ever since Damian first got sick, Dick just assumed the kid was on edge. It was a lot of change, Cosmo was definitely acting differently but Dick didn’t have time to analyze the situation because he’d barely finished bandaging up his hand when he heard Damian bawling again.

 ** _“I’m here. I’m here.”_** Dick rushed back to Damian’s side, sitting on the bed and cupping his cheek to check his temperature. **_“What do you need, baby bat?”_**

Damian just cried, he hadn’t been able to talk all day because his throat was too inflamed, but he pulled himself into Dick’s lap and clung to him with his face buried in the omega’s chest.

 ** _“You’ll be ok.”_** Dick promised, rocking the boy gently. **_“Do you want water? Or your toy?”_** Damian shook his head and Dick rubbed his little back. **_“Want daddy to read a story?”_** Damian shook his head again and huffed, he tended to get angry when he felt helpless.

Dick wasn’t sure what else to offer and before he could decide, a very frantic Cosmo crawled into his lap too and grabbed Damian’s face, desperately searching for something in his twin’s expression. Damian struggled against the invasive grip and kept crying, Dick tried to calm them both down but before he could, Damian just opened his mouth and threw up all over the three of them.

Cosmo startled and fell flat on his back onto the floor, Damian coughed and cried harder, Dick sighed tiredly and brought a hand to the back of his neck, digging his nails into the tingling skin and stiff muscle in in a nervous effort to focus, stay calm, and not make the kids feel worse. He took a long quiet breath to control his temper and rubbed Damian’s back, murmuring soothing promises that everything was alright and that the kid had done nothing wrong.

 ** _“Alright, bath time, I guess.”_** Dick carried Damian and held out a hand for Cosmo as he led them to the bathroom.

Getting the kids into the bathtub was tricky, they were eager to get out of the soiled clothes but putting up a bit of a fuss about a bath as usual, he never understood why they fought so hard against it but then didn’t want to leave once they were in the tub.

However, once Dick slipped into the water with them everything became easier- Cosmo relaxed and stopped crowding his brother so much, specially when Dick taught him the signs for things like ‘water’ and ‘bubbles’, Damian seemed to feel better in the warm bath and leaned against Dick as the adult shampooed his hair, the soapy bubbles also helped him perk up a little and he stopped crying altogether. Dick silently congratulated himself for calming them down.

It took a bit of juggling but he managed to get himself and both boys scrubbed clean, then got out, dried and dressed himself (clothes felt itchy and uncomfortable but he ignored that) while they played in the water. By the time he got down to his knees to try to coach the kids out, the bath was less than lukewarm and, as usual, Damian didn’t want to get out.

The toddler was shivering but he didn’t want to leave his watery haven. While Dick struggled to pick Damian up, suddenly Cosmo slipped out of the tub all on his own and ran off buck naked and covered soap suds.

“Oh no.” Dick hoisted a squirming Damian up and wrapped him in a towel quickly and clumsily and then ran off after Cosmo. He found the room door ajar and a trail of wet footprints leading out into the hallway. **_“No, no, no.”_**

Dick headed down the corridor with a very unhappy Damian and found a very puzzled Fatima, she hadn’t seen Cosmo so there was only one other way he could have gone. Dick passed the almost naked toddler onto the maid and asked if she could please watch him, then he rushed off around the corner.

He spotted Cosmo’s soapy little butt almost at the top of the staircase. **_“Little prince, stop! Wait, please! Wait…”_** He tried run but before he reached the kid, Cosmo bumped headfirst into someone ascending the stairs.

Ra’s Al Ghul paused and looked down at the naked soapy toddler and the wet stain spreading on his pristine green trousers. There was a puzzled look to his pinched brows. Dick felt his heart stop and held his breath for that one second where Cosmo looked quizzically up at the alpha.

And then Ra’s started laughing.

It wasn’t maniacal or villainous, it wasn’t even mocking, Ra’s just laughed in a surprisingly pleasant manner and crouched down to scoop up a slippery Cosmo before he could hurtle himself down the stairs. The Demon’s Head held the kid over his hip with surprising ease, like he was used to it, and _smiled_ at the boy in a way that made Dick nauseous from the sheer amount of anxiety coursing through his veins.

 **“Are you giving Richard trouble, little Aayiz?”** Ra’s asked, patting the boy’s cheek softly. Cosmo pushed the man’s hand away and looked rather baffled.

“Cosmo.” Dick corrected but the boy reacted by looking at him as if he’d been called.

 **“Did you jump out of the bath?”** Ra’s ignored the correction and spoke to the toddler again, the boy started to squirm to get away and that was when Dick swooped in and took him from the alpha’s arms, holding the kid possessively. Ra’s wasn’t fazed at all. “His mother used to do the same at that age. How nostalgic.”

Dick wanted to gag but instead he looked the alpha straight in the eye and held his son close to his chest, unconsciously trying to shield him. “We’ll be going now.”

Rather than take the hint, Ra’s continued to smile ominously and fell into step with Dick. “I am glad to see my grandchildren are feeling better.”

“Just the one.” Dick grumbled, he didn’t want to talk to Ra’s but he was afraid the man would get weird ideas about the boys if he thought they were slacking off.

Truth be told, Dick never knew what to expect of Ra’s and that made him nervous.

The few times they interacted gave Dick the impression that Ra’s was very mercurial- he had a strict honor code and unshakable beliefs, yet he was manipulative and ruthless, he could be very old-fashioned and civil but he could also be sadistic and temperamental, he could spoil those he cared about but he never accepted failure in any form. Ra’s was often proud and polite but there was no telling when or what might make him snap and let a little bit of the Lazarus insanity and rage bubble to the surface.

Dick had seen the man showering Talia with jewelry just to pamper her but he’d also heard about how Ra’s threw Talia in the Pit just to toughen her up, he’d seen Ra’s offer enemies a fair chance at escape with a duel but he’d also seen the alpha snap a loyal ninja’s neck with no warning solely because the man returned crippled from a mission and was therefore considered useless.

All in all, Dick didn’t want to know Ra’s any more intimately that he already did, he would rather stay off the man’s radar. So far, they had interacted very little one-on-one because Talia always tried to keep them as far apart as possible and for once he was grateful, he was fully aware that Talia was just trying to protect her own secrets but he still didn’t want to be under Ra’s scrutiny, he didn’t want to get tangled with yet another Al Ghul.

“Is Hafid still ill?” Ra’s asked, casually and well-mannered.

“ _Damian_ is still sick, yes.” Dick snapped a little as he walked back to the room.

“How interesting.” Ra’s replied cryptically, watching the way Cosmo sucked his thumb and clung to his father’s clothes, that stare set Dick’s nerves on edge.

“Is there something you want, Ra’s?” He enquired at the door, blocking the man from going inside.

“I cannot visit my sick grandchildren in my own home without an ulterior motive?” Ra’s looked amused, he had the small arrogant smile that Dick recognized as a classic Al Ghul trait.

Dick scoffed but didn’t reply, he just turned his back and went inside where Damian was tucked into Cosmo’s bed (the only clean one) in fresh pajamas and Fatima was changing the sheets from the other bed. Dick set Cosmo on his bed too and proceeded to pat the struggling boy dry and dress him, all the while keeping one eye on Ra’s and the way he sat next to Damian with his nose wrinkled at the acrid smell of vomit and sickness in the room.

It was impossible to ignore Ra’s but Dick tried his best, even when the alpha placed his hand to Damian’s forehead to check his temperature and it made Dick want to wince.

 **“How are you feeling, grandson?”** Ra’s asked but Damian just recoiled under the blankets, casting Ra’s some suspicious glances. **“My poor boy, you need to get better soon.”**

 **“Why?”** The toddler asked with a faint raspy voice.

 **“I cannot teach you to ride a horse if you are ill.”** Ra’s teased with a benevolent smile.

 **“Really?”** Damian perked up at that and his eyes went very wide even as he started up a coughing fit that made his eyes water. They’d read enough stories with horses and knights that he knew right away what the promise meant.

Dick, on the other hand, had to bite his tongue to keep himself from kicking Ra’s out of the room, it was really irritating to see the man make promises while Dick had absolutely no say in the matter.

 **“Of course.”** Ra’s chuckled and pat the boy’s back as he coughed. **“You must heal, you cannot let your little brother surpass you. How will you ever rule the world if you cannot fight a simple flu?”**

“Ok, enough!” Dick interrupted, visibly uncomfortable and feeling like there were eels squirming around his insides. The withdrawal made Dick uncomfortable around most people but with Ra’s that discomfort was for entirely different reasons and on a whole other level that made his hackles raise and his nerves burn. “Thank you, Ra’s, but they need to rest.”

Ra’s tilted his head and focused his piercing green gaze on Dick instead, taking in the dark circles under the omega’s eyes, his scruffy unshaven face and his sallow complexion. “You look terrible yourself, Richard.”

“Well, thanks for that brilliant assessment. Now, get out.” Dick was on his feet and holding the door open for the alpha in record time.

“You know, Richard, you do not need to be so hostile.” Ra’s walked up to Dick and placed a hand on his shoulder, his thumb just barely tracing the scar on the omega’s neck, it gave Dick goosebumps in all the wrong ways. “You bear my daughter’s mark, you are practically family.”

Dick grit his teeth and swallowed down the curses he wanted to spit like venom at the man, instead he opted for some of his old sass. “Yeah? Because I don’t see myself making into the Al Ghul Christmas card.”

Ra’s leaned in just close enough to scent the air, nostrils flaring as he took in Dick’s state, and his expression shuttered into something closed off and unreadable.

“Your temper is to be expected, Talia has been neglecting you for far too long. After all, omegas are such needy creatures and tend to require attention.” Ra’s grip on Dick’s shoulder tightened ever so slightly, it could have been a threat or a twisted attempt at comfort, it was impossible to tell.

“I’m not some pet that will wag his tail for anyone that pets his belly.” Dick shoved Ra’s hand off him and stepped away, still holding the door open.

“Aren’t you?” The alpha sneered ever so slightly and grabbed Dick’s arm instead, bringing it up so he could examine the bandaged hand and scent the blood on it.

“Screw you, Ra’s.” Dick shook the man away more forcibly. Behind the alpha, he spotted Fatima practically pressed to the wall, clutching the laundry to her chest and holding her breath with sheer terror in her eyes while the boys just stared with identical frowns that could have meant anything from confusion to protectiveness.

“Such language in front of the children!” Ra’s was unfazed and more than a little condescending, Dick could see where Talia got her attitude from. “I thought the detective would have taught you better manners but, then again, I expect no different from your kind. Always so emotional.”

“What do you want from me?” Dick resisted the urge to growl and crossed his arms to hide his shaking fists.

“Merely for you to do your job and get my grandchildren back on their feet.” Ra’s finally walked out the door but turned back to glance at Dick one last time. “And then perhaps we can discuss White Ghost’s suggestion.”

“What?” Suddenly Dick was the one reaching out and chasing after Ra’s, his anxiety flaring so sharply that it knocked the breath right out of him. Ghost wouldn’t give their relationship away to Ra’s, would he? “What suggestion? What are you talking about?”

“He has a lot of opinions about you. He has been watching the children train and seems to believe our equipment is lacking for you to properly teach them to your standards. He suggested we ask what you need and the caretaker seemed to agree.” Ra’s spoke nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t a big deal, when in reality Dick knew that he’d never get any such favors if not for Ghost.

It wasn’t really a matter of equipment.

The dojo was very well stocked, it wasn’t exactly prepared for the type of circus training Dick wanted or the unorthodox methods Bruce used but he could improvise with what the place supplied; however, he had casually mentioned to Ghost that he was missing some of the things that had made learning acrobatics fun in the circus, things that Bruce had later embraced to make learning martial arts just as entertaining. Trampolines, trapezes, Russian swings, hula-hoops, balance balls, a variety of things that could be used for play as much as practice. And now Ghost was offering him an opening to give the boys that fun under the guise of training.

«Sneaky Casper.» Dick thought to himself fondly but made sure to keep a neutral expression.

“Not gonna lie, a trampoline would be useful. They’d pick up balance and acrobatics much quicker.” Dick spoke cautiously, testing the waters. “Maybe a couple of other things too.”

“I’m not an unreasonable man. Make a list, Richard.” Ra’s ordered, a little of that arrogance Dick knew so well finally showing itself. “If only you were always this amenable and devoted to the pack we’d allow you a much bigger role in it.”

Dick wanted to say that he didn’t want a role, he just wanted to get the hell away from that pack altogether but he knew that was pointless so he kept his mouth shut and gave a curt nod, he made a gargantuan effort not to antagonize the man until he was sure the conversation was over and then he shut the door on Ra’s retreating back. Dick had to lean his head against said door for a minute, just sucking in a few breathes until he had his hammering heart slowed, that short interaction had drained him.

At last, he straightened up to check on the boys.

Damian watched Dick from under the blankets with narrow curious eyes but he looked tired and kept coughing so Dick turned to his carrot syrup and brought some to the bedside table so he could feed it to the boy. Damian didn’t hate the taste so he swallowed willingly despite his sore throat. Next to him Cosmo sat with his knees folded up and hugging the robin plushie tightly, he too was watching Dick like a hawk and mimicked his brother, opening his mouth for some of the syrup too, even though it was unnecessary Dick obliged because it was also harmless.

 **“What… what were you saying to him?”** Fatima suddenly piped in, still looking frightened and hurriedly cleaning the floor.

 **“Don’t worry, nothing bad.”** Dick muttered drily before he lay on the bed and pulled the boys to him in hopes of recharging his emotional batteries. **“That man just exhausts me, that’s all.”**

Fatima clearly didn’t believe him but she nodded her understanding and cracked open the window just enough to air the room but not enough to let in any rain. She had finished changing the sheets and rushed to take the dirty ones down to the laundry room with a quiet promise to bring up dinner in a couple of hours, Dick agreed but was too busy cuddling with the boys to care.

*

It took a full week for Damian to get back on his feet. By then both kids were itching to get out of the room, rain or shine, and Dick didn’t have the heart to say no.

Actually, what Dick didn’t have was the energy to deny them.

He had stressed himself to all hell taking care of the twins and putting up the charade that both boys had been ill, he’d neglected his own needs so much that he felt like he was stuck in a permanent out of body experience were everything was just a vivid hallucination and running on less than fumes, but it didn’t matter because the kids were finally happy again.

Damian was back to chasing chickens around the coop as way to celebrate being healthy again, he was so full energy that Dick got tired just watching him, the boy was even allowed to help feed the birds because the surly caretaker didn’t know how to say no (or was afraid to); meanwhile, Cosmo was crouched a few yards away, chewing on his sleeve and staring mesmerized at a bunch of little rabbits in their pen. Dick sat balanced precariously on a fence between the two and kept an eye on them.

As shaky and unstable as he felt, Dick couldn’t help but smile at them and snap some photos in secret. It didn’t matter that felt cold and shaky to his core or suspended on the threshold of pain, it didn’t even matter that he kept losing track of time and couldn’t get Talia out of his head, he didn’t matter because the boys were happy and healthy again.

Dick glanced from Damian to Cosmo, the toddler noticed him watching and he pointed at a white rabbit and then curled his index finger repeatedly in the question sign Dick had taught him, in the last few days it had become Cosmo’s way of asking Dick for specific words.

He actually had to think about it for a moment, farm animals had never been much of a conversation topic with the people Dick used to communicate in sign language with but having an animal shapeshifter in his team meant that occasionally certain animal signs would pop up. Dick wished he could thank Joey and Gar because he would have been useless to answer Cosmo that morning without them.

As it was, he loosely placed his fists one on top of the other, stuck out his thumbs and then flexed his index and middle fingers of both hands at the same time. “Bunny.”

Cosmo mimicked the gesture, then he turned back to the rabbits and kept repeating it over and over until he lost focus and went back to chewing his sleeve while he watched that same white bunny hop up to the edge of the pen. Dick told Cosmo to hold out some of the greens the caretaker gave him to the rabbit, the boy stared at the leaves in his hand for a little bit before outright chucking them into the pen but the small rabbit approached and started to nibble on them anyway, much to Cosmo’s intense fascination.

Dick turned his attention back to Damian, who was squealing half in distress and half in laughter because he was hip-deep in frenzied chickens, having dropped a bunch of feed which caused all the birds to flock frantically at his feet. Dick chuckled and took a photo.

The damp cloudy weather wasn’t the most appealing but it held until lunch time, Dick had managed to dodge the cranky bearded Arabic tutor for an extra day but he needed to ease the kids back into training before they got into trouble so at noon he announced that it was time to go back for lunch. The kids made a fuss about not wanting to leave but he just stood on the fence, flipped onto the ground and started walking without looking back, playfully threatening to leave them behind, it was a time-honored technique that did the trick and thirty seconds later the toddlers were scuttling after him even though Damian pouted as they reached to each take one of Dick’s hands.

Lunch was loud. Naima and Samir were there and Damian insisted on telling them all about the animals they had played with; Cosmo acted as he had when Damian was sick and kept reminding his brother of the food, trying to shove forkfuls into the older twin’s mouth when Damian forgot to eat in lieu of excited talking.

It was loud and messy and Dick was developing a heck of a headache but it was also cute and harmless so he didn’t do anything about it, just sat on his corner of the table, watching them and poking at his food, too nauseous to stomach it because the scent of the nannies and the many people that been in that kitchen in the past few hours was turning his stomach. Dick was starting to wonder if he had missed any of his meds or if he just needed more.

 **“I hope they didn’t pass the sickness to you now.”** Samir half joked, as he relocated to the empty seat next to Dick, Naima busied herself wiping the twins’ faces and encouraging them to keep eating.

 **“I’m fine.”** He lied with a feeble smile and propped his head in his hand. **“Just a little tired.”**

 **“Grayson, you do not look fine.”** Samir pointed out, a lot more serious now.

Dick remembered in that moment, that Samir was one of the people that had wanted to go straight to Talia or Ra’s when Dick started acting unstable from withdrawal. It was a sobering reminder that he could not trust anyone.

He didn’t think the nannies were malicious at all, they cared about him and he cared about them, they had been his only friends for a long time and been a precious help with the boys… But he had grown too confident, he couldn’t forget where their loyalty (and fear) was, first and foremost, he had to remember the only reason he was alive was for the kids’ sake and if he started slipping on that they would pull the rug out from under him.

The boys came first. Always.

 **“If you keep looking at me like that, Sami, I’m going to start thinking you care.”** Dick chuckled, trying his best not to flinch at the contact when he elbowed the other omega conspiratorially. **“Think about your reputation!”**

 **“Such slander!”** Samir joked and laughed softly, he seemed mildly reassured and leaned his forehead to Dick’s shoulder in a gesture of affection that poorly disguised his attempts at scenting the younger man.

Dick rolled his eyes playfully and was saved from having to make more excuses when Cosmo tried to get his attention and accidentally bumped Dick’s plate and spilled food all over him, Dick jumped and took the excuse immediately, using it to get people to stop touching him. He let the nannies take over and said he’d go clean up and meet everyone back in the room for naptime.

Dick managed to make it halfway to the main staircase before he got sidetracked, it took him almost ten minutes after that to realize he was just zoning out and was walking around aimlessly. He then stopped and leaned against the column, wobbly and shaking slightly, he had to look around to try to get his bearings because he wasn’t sure where his subconscious mind had been taking him.

Somehow, he’d made it to the corridor that led to the library and only when he took a deep breath to steady himself did he understand why- there was a familiar faded scent leading to that area, one that he already missed out of sheer desperation.

Without really pausing to think about it, Dick walked right into the library and looked around in search of the owner of the scent, it took him a little while but eventually he spotted a white head of hair sitting in a secluded corner by the window, hunched over a book and eating something out of a bowl (Dick’s nose told him right away it was the same food he and the kids had been having for lunch).

“Hey, big D.” Dick greeted with as much faux cheerfulness as he could, he let out a genuine chuckle when the man jumped and just barely managed to save his food from spilling all over the book.

“Richard.” Ghost wiped his mouth self-consciously and started to sit up before Dick motioned at him to sit back down. “I did not notice…”

“That I was here?” He watched the older man nod and gave a little shrug before sitting next to Ghost. “You aren’t the only one trained in the ancient arts of all things sneaky.” Of course, Dick knew it wasn’t just his stealth that allowed him to get so close unnoticed, it was his weakened and disrupted scent.

Ghost made a sound that was a cross between agreement and pensiveness, he was staring at younger man intently and Dick made a gargantuan effort to put on a plastic smile and _not_ to look like a shaky strung out junkie but even with his hands balled into fists to hide the slight shakiness, his leg was still bouncing anxiously and he was two seconds away from crawling into Ghost’s lap in search of warmth.

Dusan reached up to brush the hair off the back of Dick’s neck and traced the angry red scratches there with his fingertips, his lips pursed in a tight line of concern before parting when he clicked his tongue in frustration, a myriad of shifting emotions played on his usually stern face and Dick didn’t know the man well enough to read all of them but he was at least aware that they meant Ghost cared.

Dick wasn’t really focused on what Ghost was thinking though, he was more focused on the way the man’s sleeves were rolled up exposing muscular forearms, the way Dusan’s lips looked with each change of expression, that oasis scent with its undertones of omega and patchouli that calmed the anxiety buzzing along his nerve endings, and he was especially focused on all that pale skin whose taste Dick remembered so well that he could still feel it on the back of his tongue.

“Accident down in the kitchen?” Ghost spoke at last, gesturing the food stains in Dick’s clothes and blessedly ignoring the elephant in the room. It snapped him right out of his dazed reverie.

“Kids.” Dick shrugged, grateful for the out, and leaned against other omega’s side shamelessly. “Why? Afraid I’ll get you dirty?”

“Too late.” Ghost replied with a provocative tone and a smirk as he abandoned his food on the floor next to him and wrapped an arm loosely around the younger man.

“Oh my god, was that a joke?” Dick actually climbed onto Ghost’s lap and laughed.

“I learned it from you, omri.” Dusan replied, cheeky and affectionate all at once, leaning in plant a kiss on the younger man’s lips.

“Good, all part of my devious master plan.” Dick chuckled and kissed back. He was slowly starting to the unwind, the shakiness and cold sweat and badly concealed knot of anxiety in his chest all lessened as Ghost’s scent enveloped him and he was so focused on that feeling that it took him a little too long to register the foreign word. “Wait, what did you call me?”

“Oh.” Ghost paused like he had only just realized what he had said, a slight tint of pink immediately crept up his face. “It is merely an endearment.”

“Ok, but what does it mean?” He prodded, Dick knew a lot of endearments in Arabic from watching the nannies interact with the twins but that wasn’t one of them and the blush made him curious.

“I am not certain it has an English translation.” Ghost tried to evade again but Dick’s skeptical expression made him rethink his answer, he avoided eye contact and his voice dropped down to almost a murmur. “It is somewhat analogous to ‘my darling’.” 

Dick wasn’t sure how he felt about the nickname, not when they had promised this relationship was only supposed to be friendly and physical, but somehow he didn’t hate it, it even made him feel a little warm inside. He wasn’t sure he believed that translation though, but at least it wasn’t ‘habibi’, Dick had enough of ‘beloveds’ with Talia and couldn’t stomach another reminder of her (as if he needed it when her absence haunted him like a permanent stain on his soul).

“Cute.” Dick reassured, and he meant it, as far as he was concerned Ghost could call him whatever the hell he wanted so long as he kept touching him. Speaking of which… “Can we meet up in your room tonight?”

“I will be waiting.” Ghost gave a short nod. “I have missed you this past week.”

Dick didn’t think he needed to point out that he had probably missed Ghost more, instead he let out a relieved breath and leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper and tasting of spices from the food. He draped his arms over Ghost’s shoulders and was rewarded with hands on his waist, holding him close despite their public surroundings.

“So…” Dick started as the kiss dissolved and he pressed his nose under the older man’s jaw, eagerly scenting him. “Why are you having lunch here? To good to share a kitchen with us lowly mortals?”

“I happen to like this place, it is peaceful.” Ghost explained a little defensively.

When Dick looked around he realized that little corner of the library wasn’t as neat and impersonal as the rest- it was blocked off from the rest of the space by a tall stack of shelves, there were notebooks and loose pages with handwritten notes on the window alcove next to Dusan’s cloak, the drapes of that particular widow were the only ones completely dust-free in the room as if they were used often, the edges of the windowsill bore little scratches and scribbles craved into the wood by a bored hand, there were piles of bookmarked tomes on the floor and Ghost’s scent permeated the area thickly and layered over time.

It seemed that might be Dusan’s favorite spot in the manor, or one of them at least, and it occurred to Dick that he really should have known that, as honest as White Ghost was about his family’s past he very rarely shared little personal tidbits about himself unless asked and Dick… Dick was always so wrapped in his own pain that he forgot to ask. The realization jarred a little sense into him.

“It’s a nice spot.” Dick said sheepishly, nuzzling Ghost a little more just so he could hide his face in that comforting scent for a few seconds longer. “I should get going, I promised the boys I’d be with them for naptime.”

“I assume this means they are feeling better?” Dusan wondered, watching the younger man like a hawk as he stood to leave.

“Much better. I’ll be training with them later if you want to see them.” Dick only made the offer because it was Ghost. If it had been any other person Dick wouldn’t have wanted them hovering over the kids after Damian’s recovery, he was too suspicious of everyone’s intentions and felt judged constantly.

“I might be at the dojo. I have something for them.”

“You do?” Dick raised a brow in surprise, he wondered if this had anything to do with Ghost sneakily convincing Ra’s to get new equipment.

“It is nothing special, just a storybook I acquired for them. I thought they might enjoy something more lighthearted.” That surprised Dick even more, after all the manor library was extensively stocked as it was but it really didn’t have anything light and cute enough for children.

“There you go being a softy again.” Dick leaned down to plant a grateful kiss on Ghost’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised time-skips but things have changed, they are still coming but not for another couple of chapters, I changed some things around.  
> I do hope the slow burn isn't boring anyone and the the parenting moments can still be enjoyable.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .  
> As I said before, cont check out my omegaverse Throuple AU ideas. [You can find them here](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/post/618625181759520768/the-throuple-omegaverse-bat-clan-au) .
> 
> Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.


	38. Let Down Your Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bedtime story drama continues. Kids are a lot more perceptive than people think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title- "Why don't you just get the heck out of hair?"

For a while the kids were happy and Dick was… He was fine.

Happy wasn’t really part of Dick’s emotional portfolio anymore but the learned to make the best out of the quieter times, he learned to be _content_ in his melancholy.

He once again lost track of the days, going about the same old routine revolving around the twins- the training was going well, the weather was a little colder but it hadn’t rained in a while, the tutors had only good things to report about Damian (enough so that Cosmo’s lack of involvement in the classes went unnoticed), and there had been no new meltdowns or problems.

Dick also kept meeting up with Ghost. They sparred publicly every week, less outwardly they would often end up in the kitchen, drinking and talking, and every so often they’d spend the night together in Dusan’s room, which was starting to feel more and more natural in a way that made Dick anxious. It was too easy, too good to be true.

Nonetheless, it was a lull in in the shitshow Dick called his life, and he was taking full advantage of it before some other disaster fell on his lap.

Ever since the quiet room, Dick had had a lot of trouble keeping up with the passing of time, he kept loosing track of things for long periods and the days all blended into each other as he struggled to just keep living one bland hour after the other; on a more conscious level he’d done his best to avoid calendars because he really didn’t want to think about it, thinking about time meant thinking about the future and he didn’t want that. However, he was vaguely aware that it was August and that meant he kept wondering about Jason and Alfred.

That was precisely what he was he was thinking about as he sat by the window that evening after dinner, looking out into the darkness of the jungle while the kids played in their room. Damian was drawing something with intense focus, the pet snake resting quietly over his shoulders, and Cosmo was hopping around the floor and apparently pretending to be a bunny.

Dick was lost in a vivid sort of daydream where he imagined multiple scenarios about where Jason might be and what he might be doing, most of the things he imagined were terrible and some involved Jason going back to Bruce and Talia being a hero, which was… Dick didn’t want to dwell on his complicated feelings about that particular scenario.

A hand fell on his shoulder, sudden but gentle, bringing him back into the moment.

 **“What’s on your mind?”** Fatima asked as she offered him a steaming cup of tea. It had never been his preferred drink but he’d gotten used to it and it reminded him of Alfred and his own parents so he accepted.

 **“What day is it today?”** Dick held the cup in both hands, letting it warm them, and tipped his head against the glass of the window, his expression blank and distant.

 **“In our calendar or yours?”** The beta smiled over the rim of her own cup. She was just teasing, she knew full well Dick had never gotten used to or been able to fully grasp the Islamic calendar (not that he had really tried). He gave her a flat look that caused her to chuckle. **“It’s the tenth of August.”**

Dick nodded absently, took a sip of his drink that felt like liquid warmth spilling into his veins, and looked out the window again.

 **“Why does it matter?”** The woman prodded a little more.

 **“Just thinking about Jason.”** Dick muttered and rambled without thinking. **“He turns eighteen in a few days… But I’m not sure if it feels that way to him, I don’t know if that time when he was… Well, you remember how he was, I don’t know if those years count or not in his head. For all I know he still feels like a fifteen-year-old.”**

 **“I never realized.”** Fatima’s surprised reply was more to herself than Dick but when he gave her a questioning glance she hurried to explain. **“That you two were so close in age, that is. He was so small, I assumed he was much younger.”**

 **“Comes from a life of… Hm…”** Dick paused, his Arabic had gotten good after a couple of years but there were still words he didn’t know and ‘malnutrition’ was one of them so he had to improvise. **“He didn’t have a healthy childhood, never enough food until he was eleven.”**

He left it at that, explaining how Bruce and Alfred had done their best to correct things with Jason’s health in more ways than one meant explaining when and how the boy had come into the pack, and Dick didn’t know if he should share such personal details about his old pack to anyone in the League. It wasn’t his story to tell anyway. Besides, it would have meant talking about Bruce and that hurt too much, it wasn’t worth the pain.

Fatima nodded her understanding and took another sip of her drink. **“So, he will be almost as old as you were when we met?”**

 **“What? No!”** Dick was taken aback by that and scrunched up his face in mild disgust at the thought. He hadn’t been that young, had he? He hadn’t felt like the baby Jason still looked like when he had the twins… Right?

 **“It’s different when it’s someone else, isn’t it?”** Fatima murmured knowingly into her cup.

 **“I don’t want to talk about this.”** Dick snapped, turning back to the window to hide his grimace.

**“You were the one that brought up Jason.”**

**“Exactly. This conversation wasn’t about me, it was about Jason.”** Dick grumbled a little into his cup as he took an annoyed sip.

 **“Where Jason?”** Damian asked suddenly, Dick hadn’t even noticed the kid was standing right next to him but apparently the boy heard some of the conversation.

 **“I don’t know, Dami.”** Dick gave a little shrug and when the kid lifted his arms demandingly at him, Dick scooped the child up into his lap, careful not to jostle the snake still on his shoulders. **“I wish I did.”**

 **“Why you talking about Jay?”** Damian scrunched up his brows like he always did when he was trying to figure something out (or when he was suspicious, Dick wasn’t sure which one it was at the moment).

 **“Just remembered him because his birthday is coming soon.”** Dick ran his fingers through Damian’s hair as he spoke idly, more to soothe himself than the boy. **“Well, him and Alfred.”**

 **“Who’s Al-fed?”** Damian wondered with his usual curiosity.

 **“Alfred.”** Dick corrected automatically. **“Alfred is…”** He thought about the best way to explain and realized that Fatima was still sitting right there, drinking her tea and politely shifting her attention to Cosmo but still right next to him, so he wasn’t sure how much he should say but Damian was waiting. **_“He’s family, he’s your grandpa.”_ **

**“But Grandfather is…”** Damian’s face scrunched up again and Dick had to cut him off before he confused himself further.

**_“No, not like Ra’s, that’s Talia’s father. Alfred is a different grandpa, he’s basically your father’s father.”_ **

Damian took in the new information and appeared to think about it very seriously for a moment before he looked up at Dick again. **“And you?”**

**“What about me?”**

**“Baba’s father?”** Damian tilted his head, even more curious.

 **“Oh… Well, in way it’s also Alfred.”** Dick did a little one-shouldered shrug and looked out the window again, in the dark he could almost see the shadows of the past. **“But I had another father, your grandpa John, he died a long time ago.”**

 **“He in the… the…”** The kid struggled with his words and pointed insistently at the little pile of books on bedside table. **“The place with dead people, from the stories.”**

 **“The underworld?”** Dick watched his son nod and gave him tiny sad smile. **“Maybe, but I think he and my mama might be in Heaven, that’s what they would want.”**

 **“Your mama dead?”** Damian asked in all his childish innocence.

**“Yes, Dami. All your grandmas are gone already.”**

Damian scrunched his brows yet again, like he was doing really complicated math in his head, and then he nodded his understanding but still had a stern look on his face, like Bruce when he was trying to solve a particularly complicated case. Dick wondered what the boy was thinking but he didn’t have the energy to pry, Damian would talk if he felt like it.

They were saved from further conversation by Cosmo’s arrival, he was still hopping around but shoved a book into Dick’s lap.

 **“Story time, little prince?”** Dick smiled again, a little more honestly this time.

Cosmo didn’t answer, he just waited, but Damian said yes for him.

Dick agreed but sent them off to bathroom to get ready for bed first, he plucked the snake off Damian’s shoulders and back into the tank and then he abandoned his cup of tea to go help the kids because if they forgot to use the toilet there would likely be accidents at night.

Damian was very precocious with almost everything and that included the small things like brushing his teeth, which in turn meant Cosmo tried to copy him, but precocious or not, neither boy was good at using a toothbrush on their own yet. Cosmo just chewed on his brush and didn’t know how to spit all that well so Dick had to do all the work for him but Damian was worse because, as usual, he was aggressive about doing it himself, he’d shriek and shove away anyone who tried to help and he took every attempt of correction very badly, stubbornly doing the opposite, and only Dick knew how to word things carefully enough for the boy to listen to his directions.

Dick didn’t mind, if the twins had been average children he would have been brushing their teeth anyway, they would be years from doing it alone. Sure, Cosmo and Damian probably required a bit more patience than an average child, but what else did Dick have to do anyway? The twins were his only priority, he didn’t mind the extra work here and there, besides, in the circus he’d had much harder chores and working with Bruce through the years had certainly taught him patience, this was nothing he couldn’t handle.

Fatima helped change the boys into their pajamas and once that was done she bid them all good night and left for the evening, Naima would be there soon to replace her but in the meanwhile Dick had the twins all to himself. He let them choose which bed they were huddling in that night and tucked them in (they still insisted on sleeping together). Dick then grabbed the book and the boys scooted over immediately to give him space to lie with them on the bed with Damian in the middle, cocooned by his father and brother.

Cosmo’s interested in signing had only grown as the days went by so Dick made sure there was enough space between them for him to sign as he read the story because he was committed to teaching them so long as they wanted to learn.

The choice of the evening was the storybook Ghost had given them, Dick didn’t know how or when the man got it but the kids loved it. The book was thick tome with a red and gold leather cover and all in English for a change; it was filled with a collection of European fairy tales from various authors, not quite the tragic and gruesome cautionary tales that were the originals but also not the cheery, overly sanitized modern versions, they were something in between with lessons and pretty watercolor illustrations that Damian kept trying to copy with his pencils.

They actually found several fables in there with swans and Dick got to show the kids what a real one truly looked like thanks to the illustrations. Other than that, they had read ‘Cinderella’, ‘The Ant and the Grasshopper’, “The Enchanted Maiden”, “The Three Little Pigs”, and “The Wolf and Seven Young Goats”; Damian got a kick out of the last one but had some very colorful ideas about how the wolf should have been punished and Dick didn’t know whether he was amused or worried about it.

Damian chose the story of the night solely because he liked the pictures, it turned out to be “Rapunzel”. Dick was sure he’d heard that tale as a child (because what kid hadn’t?) but he didn’t remember anything beyond the princess having really long hair that people climbed to get into her tower, so he went in somewhat blind.

The story started with couple that dearly wanted a baby and when the woman became pregnant she had such intense cravings for rampion that she refused to eat anything else and her poor spouse had to steal the greens from their neighbor so she would eat. Dick actually got a chuckle out of that solely because he remembered how cravings worked.

 ** _“What?”_** Damian asked, looking confused at Dick’s laughter.

**_“Nothing, baby bat. I was just remembering something.”_ **

**_“What?”_** The boy repeated while Cosmo signed the same question, they both wanted to know what he found so funny.

 ** _“I was remembering when I had both of you in my belly. I was like the lady in the story but instead of veggies and flowers, I wanted other silly things.”_** He grinned nostalgically, remembering the cheese.

It took exactly four seconds for Dick to realize he’d said the wrong thing.

 ** _“No.”_** Damian gasped in disbelief.

 **“ _Yes_.”** Dick nodded with a chuckle, but he was a little unsure what exactly Damian was saying no to.

The older twin poked at Dick’s flat toned stomach with disbelief scrunching up his face. **“We don’t fit.”**

 ** _“Not now, Dami.”_** Dick laughed. **_“When you were babies. You started out very tiny and grew until my belly was this big…”_** He used his hands to pantomime a big bump in front of him and had to bite back more laughter when Damian’s eyes turned as wide as saucers. **_“Then you were born.”_**

 ** _“Don’t remember.”_** Damian said it like an accusation, as if he thought Dick was pranking him; just in case, he looked at Cosmo for back-up and the younger twin gave a confused half-shrug.

 ** _“Of course you don’t remember, nobody remembers being a baby.”_** Dick ruffled the older boy’s hair playfully.

And then Damian started rambling and asking questions so fast that he didn’t bother to pick just one language or string his words in the proper order. He wanted to know how they got in Dick’s belly in the first place, why they were in there, why they came out, how they came out… Cosmo parroted random words of those many questions and kept doing the question mark sign. It was a mess and Dick barely got the gist of what the kids were saying, it was spiraling into a conversation that he was not ready to have.

He knew sooner or later this topic would come up but he hadn’t thought about it too much because they had read stories with pregnant people before and the twins hadn’t cared about the details, just the plot. The current predicament was Dick’s own fault for letting slip for the first time that that the twins had been in _his_ belly at some point.

Damian was both skeptical and mildly horrified at the idea that he and his twin had been physically _inside_ someone else’s body and he wanted details. Dick had to make a gigantic effort to bite back a bunch of inappropriate puns and jokes that came to mind at that choice of words.

As for Cosmo, it was impossible to tell what he thought about the topic but he didn’t look shocked, just interested. He kept staring at Dick with those huge soul-searching eyes.

It was the last conversation Dick wanted to have with his toddlers, precocious or not.

 ** _“Look, I promise I’ll tell you all this some other time but not right now, it’s bedtime and we have a story to finish.”_** Dick dodged and hoped their desire to read the rest of fairy tale would buy him some time. **_“Unless you don’t want to find out what happens to her?”_** He pointed at the pretty watercolor illustration of a girl sitting at the widow of a stone tower and braiding her absurdly long blonde hair.

Damian pouted and grumbled but he looked torn, Cosmo slammed his tiny hand on the book. Ultimately, the twins decided the fairy tale was more important and blessedly let Dick off the hook.

With a sigh of relief, he went back to reading the story… And regretted it almost instantly.

In the book, a witch caught the spouse stealing from her garden, they explained that their pregnant wife was wasting away because she wouldn’t eat anything else and they feared for her life, they pleaded for the witch to understand and she told them she’d spare their life and let them take all the vegetables they wanted but only if they gave her their child in return. Desperate, the neighbor accepted, and Dick felt sick.

«It’s just a fairy tale, don’t read so deeply into it.» Dick mentally reminded himself a dozen times but he had to stop reading, had to stop everything, for a moment.

He couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable, he couldn’t stop thinking about the sound Talia’s voice blackmailing him and calling his sons hers.

Damian shook him roughly. Dick realized he’d been quiet a second too long and the boys were both looking at him with mirrored looks of unease.

Ignoring the pressure in his ribcage, Dick took a breath and pulled himself together- it was just a story, it wasn’t even the important part of the story and he’d be damned if he let the kids see him freaking out over something so small _again_. He did his best to breathe evenly and tried to smile reassuringly, felt the corners of his lips pull upwards stiffly and his cheeks almost ached with the effort but the kids relaxed so he grit his teeth and decided to soldier on with the tale.

“Anyway…” He cleared his throat and kept reading.

The fable went on to explain how the couple had a baby girl and the witch took the child far away, naming her Rapunzel after the vegetables they had stolen, she called Rapunzel her daughter and raised her until she was a pretty twelve year old with long golden hair.

Dick knew his voice was unsteady and his hands were messing up signs as his mood soured further, he was having a tough time not thinking about Ra’s and Talia’s voices saying ‘Hafid’ and ‘Aayiz’, he was having a harder time not thinking about Talia, _period_.

Then the witch locked the girl in a tall tower where nobody would ever find her, and Dick couldn’t help but think of a certain cell room in a compound in the desert with bars on the window, of an underground city filled with assassins and mercenaries, of an island in the middle of nowhere, of having his every move watched and reported for years. He wanted to punch something so badly that he was almost vibrating with the effort of keeping all that emotion inside and he could almost taste blood from biting the inside of his cheek as he forced himself to look unaffected and keep reading.

“Baba?” Damian interrupted and for a split-second Dick worried that the kids had seem right through his act or that his scent had given him away but, when he looked at them, Damian’s focus was on the book and Cosmo’s was on Dick’s hands.

“Hm?” That wasn’t what Dick wanted to say but the questioning sound was enough.

“The witch wants the baby why?”

“I don’t know.” Dick shrugged bitterly and before he could control himself the sarcasm started pouring out of him. “Maybe she was in love with the neighbor and got jealous when they married the other lady so she decided she’d be Rapunzel’s mama to punish the lady and in hopes of stupidly making the neighbor love her.”

 ** _“What?”_** Damian blinked, obviously not getting the meaning of Dick’s word vomit and vitriol. Cosmo tilted his head, looking equally lost.

“Never mind.” Dick sighed heavily and dragged a hand tiredly down his face. “She’s just evil and wants to force someone to love her, someone that can’t run away.”

 ** _“Why?”_** The older twin wasn’t satisfied by answer.

“I don’t know, Damian!” Dick snapped just enough for Damian to shut up, looking defensive and pouty. Dick took another deep breath, signed ‘sorry’ and tried his best to soften his tone. “Some people are just bad. Do you want to read the rest of the story or not?”

Both boys nodded and Dick rushed to keep reading, he already hated this story through and through and wanted to get it over with.

The tale proceeded to explain how Rapunzel grew into a young woman, locked away in her tower that could only be accessed by climbing her long hair like a rope because there were no stairs or doors; she was always alone, trapped and never knowing a single person beyond the witch.

Dick droned on, reading of how one day, a passing prince heard Rapunzel sing and was mesmerized by her beautiful voice but couldn’t get into the tower so he kept coming back every day to hear the singing until one day he saw the witch appear and ask Rapunzel to let down her hair; once the witch was gone, the prince repeated the call and managed to climb up and meet the girl.

The fable said the prince and Rapunzel fell in love and he kept visiting her in secret day after day, eventually asking her to marry him. It was at that point that Damian just had to interrupt again.

**_“Why does he come back?”_ **

**_“Because he loves her.”_** Dick explained flatly and out of patience.

 ** _“Prince doesn’t save her? Take her from the witch? Why?”_** Damian sounded annoyed by his own question but, to be fair, Dick wondered the same thing.

**_“Well, it wouldn’t be a very exciting story if it ended that easily, would it?”_ **

Damian scowled at that answer but he went quiet and Dick took that as his cue to keep reading.

They found out that the prince did in fact have a terribly slow plan where he would bring a piece of silk every day so Rapunzel could weave a ladder for their eventual escape. Dick heard Damian mutter ‘stupid’ under his breath and chose to ignore it because the kid was right and because the story took an unexpected turn and distracted him.

The witch grew very suspicious when Rapunzel’s clothes became too tight and when her belly started growing the witch was so angry that she chopped all of the girl’s hair off, kicked her out of the tower and into the wilderness to fend for herself, then the witch used the hair to lure the prince into trap where she waited for him to climb up the tower and then pushed him to his death.

Dick actually stopped and reread the last couple of paragraphs to himself to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake, he hadn’t and the story really was that gruesome and tragic. Once again Dick’s head provided him with lovely unwanted parallels between the fairy tale and real life, a whole slew of comparisons that Dick didn’t want to indulge because it would mean thinking about Talia and Bruce (and even Ghost) and that was the last thing he needed.

The twins started getting impatient again so Dick kept reading, hoping that the story was almost over and wouldn’t have any more dumb similarities with his life. He ended up disappointed.

To his utter disbelief the tale kept coming back to bite him in the ass- it said that the prince didn’t die, thorn bushes cushioned his fall but poked his eyes and blinded him so he wandered the desert completely lost and alone for years and years until he heard singing and followed it into the wilderness where Rapunzel lived and where she had given birth to twins.

Dick lungs felt too tight and shriveled in the clawed grasp of his ribs so he rushed to read the ending where the couple reunited and Rapunzel’s tears magically healed the prince’s eyes before they returned to his kingdom and lived happily ever after. The end.

Dick scoffed. He hated, hated, _hated_ this fucking fairy tale. Despised it with the force of a thousand suns.

The whole thing was appalling.

The couple was dumb to give up their baby so easily, good parents would have died before doing that. In real life Rapunzel would have thrown herself off that tower within a year. If the prince really loved her he would have called up his army and gotten her out of there in a day. The witch would never give up Rapunzel, she had kidnapped a baby before so what stopped her from doing the same to the twins? A blind man wandering the desert for years would never be lucky enough to just stumble on his lost love, Dick was pretty sure he could say that from experience. Tears weren’t magic, pain and suffering didn’t just evaporate because of ‘true love’ or whatever, nothing was that easy. Happily ever after didn’t exist.

“And the witch?” Damian asked, dragging Dick back to reality where he was gripping a page of the story so hard it had started ripping.

“I don’t know.” Dick forced the answer through his grinding teeth. “Hope she fell out of the damn tower and died alone.”

The twins didn’t answer, they inched away from his tone and were staring with wide uneasy eyes again but Dick barely noticed, he couldn’t really focus on what he was seeing. He snapped the book shut and tossed it on the floor.

“Bedtime.” Dick announced as he got up from the bed without looking at the kids.

He walked to the window and shut the curtains, then started tidying up Damian’s pencils and drawings, anything to keep moving because he didn’t know what would happen if he stopped. For all his effort to remain unaffected, Dick was still filled with bubbling anxiety squeezing his chest like a stress ball, he was having trouble putting a lid on the overflowing feelings he didn’t want to analyze and that made his disoriented head feel full off bees, he needed to keep busy and have an excuse not to look at anyone, needed to breathe.

“Baba?” Damian sat up, he hadn’t stopped staring.

 ** _“What?”_** Dick hadn’t meant for the question to come out snappy but it did, and he didn’t have the presence to care or to look at the kids as he picked up discarded pieces of clothing and toys.

 ** _“You angry?”_** Damian mumbled the words, pouting and squirming like he too was filled with nervous energy.

“I…” Dick hesitated and finally looked at the boy, registering the tone and expression. “No. No, I’m... I’m fine.” It was a lame answer but his head was buzzing too much to come up with something better.

 ** _“You sad?”_** Damian kept pushing, trying to solve the mystery of his father’s mood.

“Damian.” He said the name like a warning, an attempt to end the kid’s interrogation once and for all even as he turned his back on the boy and started putting things away to keep moving, to control his temper. “It’s time to sleep.”

The boy didn’t give up. Damian kicked away his blankets, got on his knees and started to whine. **_“But you…!”_**

“Damian!” This time the name came out like a whip crack, Dick was pretty sure he’d never used a tone that hard with the boys before but he didn’t have time to regret it.

“Wanna help!” Damian shouted right back, he sounded angry and demanding but Dick knew the child well enough to know that was his defensive voice, the one he used when he was trying to be tough and not cry.

Meanwhile, Cosmo had slipped right out of the bed and snuck up to the adult but now he was wrapping himself around Dick’s leg like needy little octopus, or maybe more like an anchor since he clung tighter the louder Dick and Damian got with each other.

“I don’t _need_ help.” He countered and tried unsuccessfully to dislodge the younger twin. “Cosmo, get back to bed.”

 ** _“No!”_** To everyone’s surprise it was Cosmo who spoke and he was not copying anyone.

“What the…?” Dick was so stunned that all the anxiety was forgotten for second as he looked at each boy- the youngest with his eyes screwed shut as he refused to let go of his leg, and the oldest on his knees on the bed with his tiny fingers digging into his own thighs and a stubborn scowl on his face.

 ** _“You promised.”_** Damian accused loudly.

 ** _“Promised what?”_** Dick did his best to move back to the bed, it resulted in a rather comical shuffle with a toddler still stuck to his leg but he managed to sit next to his oldest.

 ** _“Not to go away.”_** Damian latched on to Dick’s arm much like his brother at done.

“Oh.” Dick had a lightbulb moment then and felt terrible for it.

No matter how hard he tried to look unaffected the kids saw through it and the last time he’d been so rattled and pushed away their attempts to help, he’d up and disappeared for a couple of days. They were scared, they still didn’t trust his promise. Dick wasn’t used to anyone being able to see through his mask so well. He needed to do better.

With a small sigh, Dick softened and gently, patiently, disentangled both kids from his limbs. “Dami, Cosmo, I’m not going anywhere.”

 ** _“You hurt.”_** Damian wasn’t asking, he was pointing out, and he did so with his face pressed to Dick’s collarbone and rubbing like he was marking turf more than scenting.

 ** _“You want to help?”_** Dick asked softly, he would never stop being amazed at how perceptive Damian was. Both boys nodded so he opened his arms for them. **_“Give me a hug.”_**

They hugged him like he was going to war, their small arms so tight around his neck that it really didn’t help his breathing but it felt right. Dick hugged them back and held them just as tight, squishing them together, he buried his nose in their hair because they smelled like home, they were warm and soft and his, Cosmo even tried to purr to soothe him and Damian wouldn’t stop rubbing his cheek to every exposed inch of Dick’s skin.

The kids just wanted to help, they were good that way, they didn’t quite know how to show their empathy most of the time but they were still kind and compassionate in an odd way that reminded him Bruce. The twins were definitely Bats, they weren’t the stone-cold predators Talia wanted them to be and Dick was proud of that.

It was one of those moments of overwhelming affection that reminded Dick of what kept him going. The boys loved him with no strings attached, not for what he could do but for who he was, they didn’t give a damn that he was a broken shell of what he had been, they cared about him even when he acted like a jackass, they needed him and they wanted him in the most innocent way.

God, he loved them so much.

“Thank you, kiddos.” Dick murmured, his eyes stinging as he kissed each of their cheeks and finally loosened his vice grip on them. He had meant the hug mostly just to make them feel useful but in the end it really had helped. “Now, if we read another story will you drop this and go to sleep?”

Despite his wet eyes, Dick’s tone was playful enough that both kids relaxed, exchanged a look, and then nodded enthusiastically. Two minutes later the twins were tucked back into bed and Dick was settling down with them and picking a significantly less triggering story to end the day with.

In the end, ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ wasn’t any more lighthearted than ‘Rapunzel’ but nothing about it struck close to home and it was a pretty good story to teach the boys to beware of strangers, just in case the day came where Talia actually let them out of the cage and into a world with strangers for a change. Besides, Dick had only freaked out with the first fable because he was caught off-guard, he needed to get used to that.

Surprisingly, there weren’t that many interruptions this time around, the twins were too tired for that. Damian only piped in twice.

“All wolfs talk?” The boy asked when the wolf first greeted Red Riding Hood and led her to the flowers.

“Wolves, Dami.” Dick corrected with a small smile. “And no, most of them don’t talk.”

And then, by the time the wolf was posing as the grandmother, Damian wanted to know why the wolves were always the bad guys and Dick paused to explain that these stories were from places where wolves were the scariest animals around and the ones people needed to be careful of. There were no other questions after that, not really, when the girl and her grandmother where cut out of the wolf’s stomach Damian mumbled something in a grumpy voice but he was already half asleep at that point and Cosmo was fully passed out.

Dick put the book away and turned on his side so he could just watch the boys sleep for a little while, it comforted him to watch Damian curl into his chest, drooling just a tiny bit, and Cosmo still clinging to Dick’s shirt with one hand and sucking on his thumb with the other, both of them exuding calm and smelling like family. Like love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Dick and his battle with triggers. Poor boy.  
> More bedtime story angst. I swear there's reasons behind it all.  
> I peppered in a tiny morsel foreshadowing several chapters ago that I think nobody picked up but that these fairy tale chapters expose really well. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	39. Day Off (Pt. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: "Dick and the long, bad, terrible, no good day"  
> Parenting is hard, sometimes accidents happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Shout-out to a lovely supportive reader (valiantfuryphilosopher). Happy belated birthday, darling!**
> 
> This chapter is part 1 because it got immensely long and I decided to split it, the next chapter is almost done and will be out very soon, it's the direct continuation of this one.

From time to time, Dick had a bad day (well, a _worse_ day) for no discernable reason, just one of those days where he was too tired to keep up the mask, where his head didn’t feel quite right or after a particularly intense nightmare, during those days he’d loose track of everything and though it wasn’t as bad as it had been after the quiet room and before all the medication to control the withdrawal, it still took a toll and he’d forget to eat or get exhausted by the gargantuan effort of pretending to be alright.

On those days, when he met up with Ghost for drinks, they’d often end up sharing food too because the man had learned the signs; or they would meet up in that little corner of the library while the kids were with the tutors just so Dick could have a moment to exist without having to keep his guard up.

All in all, Dick had started to reevaluate his definition of things like ‘happy’ and ‘fine’.

He knew for a fact that he could never truly have that glowing joy he used to derive from many things when he was a free man, as a matter of fact nothing really felt good enough to warrant any effort anymore, he also knew that he’d never really feel whole and comfortable in his own body with Talia’s claim on his neck. He’d never be his old self again but after so long he’d learned to endure and go with the flow.

Dick only felt a spark of joy or pride when he saw the twins happy, other than that he was miserable, paranoid and permanently on edge and waiting for the axe to fall, but he’d learned that things could always get worse so he adjusted accordingly- if nobody was at risk of dying, if nothing was on fire (literally or figuratively), if he wasn’t so consumed by withdrawal or heat that he lost his mind and forgot his priorities then he could be ‘fine’, if there wasn’t a crisis or time-bomb in his hands and as long as he had an outlet or coping mechanism then he could suck it up and be fine, as long as he could bottle everything up and forget everything outside of the boys then he could be ‘alright’.

The twins were his only priority but as the days passed he started to feel lucky- lucky that he wasn’t locked in a smaller cell, lucky that the kids hadn’t been ripped away from him, lucky that the nannies were friends when they didn’t even have to be civil to him in the first place, lucky to be in a big fancy manor with all their basic needs met, lucky that he had Ghost’s support (and that their sneaking around provided him with a much needed thrill that reminded him he was alive).

Other times Dick would hate himself for that same feeling, he’d berate himself for being grateful when he should rebel every cell in his body, he had to remind himself of everything that he’d been put through so he wouldn’t get complacent and fall into the trap of Stockholm Syndrome- just because his cage was pretty didn’t make it any less of a cage. That self-hatred was always there but this argument never lasted long, he had grown too tired to care about what he should or shouldn’t be doing, not when in the end it wouldn’t matter.

Dick didn’t call what he did living, at most he called it surviving, but the fact was he had forgotten how to exist without all that misery, he didn’t know who he was if those feelings were taken away. Either way, it was easier to endure and smile because that was what he did best.

Time put everything into perspective and Dick had learned that with enough time, a human being could get used to anything.

He’d been enjoying one of those lulls, a few weeks where everything was dreadfully boring but safe.

Jason and Alfred’s birthday passed and Dick had only had one nightmare about it and barely teared up (a win by all accounts). The kids were healthy and despite their different paces they were both learning steadily and hadn’t remembered to bring up the matter of where babies came from again, for which Dick was grateful. Ghost was a pleasure to be with, in more ways than one, and Ra’s was around but he had yet to follow up on his horse-riding promise to Damian (in fact Dick barely saw the alpha at all except on the rare occasions that he popped up on the sidelines to watch the kids train).

But then September rolled in and things changed. It was something small but enough throw off Dick’s fragile balance.

Ghost left.

Before he disappeared, Ghost tracked Dick down in the dojo and pulled him aside for a small goodbye and a promise that he would return as soon as it was possible; as far as Dick was concerned Dusan didn’t owe him anything, especially not explanations, and yet there he was there to make sure Dick wasn’t caught off guard by his absence. It was rather cute.

Ghost disappeared often but never for long enough that he needed to warn Dick, he claimed he couldn’t say why he was leaving but implied it was a time-sensitive mission for the League and Dick knew full what that meant- Dusan _could_ tell him what he was going to do but Dick wouldn’t want to hear the gory details. Besides, when Ra’s Al Ghul gave an order, White Ghost never hesitated to obey, Dick was aware of that and didn’t question it anymore.

After that the days blurred together again, Dick was vaguely aware that it had been almost three weeks since Ghost left and while the rest of the world kept turning and the lull dragged on, for Dick it was a slow descent into madness.

The first week was decent- without Ghost around the ninjas got a little more bold with the kids whenever Dick turned his back so he stayed vigilant and they managed, the medication also helped enough for him to put on a mask and not show his unease.

On the second week things started to spiral- with each day the meds became less effective and Dick ended up doubling the dosage until the day he felt too sick to get out of bed in the morning and had to make excuses for the nannies to handle the kids until he had enough willpower to drag himself out of the room in the afternoon for training.

His body rioted, making him feel once again like he was on the edge of going into a very twisted form of heat, being around people started getting incredibly uncomfortable again, they all smelled wrong and triggered a panic response in him that was very difficult to hide… But hide it he did.

Now somehow on the third week, Dick felt like death warmed over.

Whenever he managed to fall asleep he would dream of Talia and, even awake, he kept thinking of her, he caught himself wishing she was there to fix everything and then hated himself for even believing she would care.

The medication kept him lucid so he depended entirely on his own willpower to keep up the façade and he had just enough control of his body to pretend it wasn’t a wreck, it was possible to hide all the discomfort but it was so _exhausting_. He really missed feeling comfortable in his own skin.

He knew his scent was almost imperceptible because it upset the twins constantly and Damian kept trying to scent him, Dick’s anxiety and discomfort of being around others grew until he felt like if any adult touched him it would rip his skin clean off, but the worse part was that the desperation that felt like fake heat had come and gone and now he was stuck with something worse- nothingness.

Dick felt as numb as a day-old corpse, he desperately wanted to feel something. 

His nerve endings felt so dull it was like they had burned out and were buried under five feet of snow, he just wanted to sleep all the time but that meant more Talia on his brain. The worst part was that his concentration was so irredeemably wrecked that he kept making stupid mistakes and feared that someone would notice and accuse him of being too unstable to be around the kids.

The little mistakes haunted him- he had messed up in the kitchen and it resulted in Cosmo falling off a counter and getting a bump on his head (that was gone in less than hour), during gymnastics training he got distracted and failed to catch Damian and the kid ended up with scrapped knees, he put Samir in an armlock because the man startled him while he was zoning out (he was surprised when Samir easily countered the move though and, luckily, the other omega laughed the matter off), he lost track of his surroundings so much that he got himself hurt several times while teaching the twins and the only reason it wasn’t worse was because he was so well trained that his body reacted on muscle memory.

Dick needed a way to stay focused but he had yet to find one, his usual coping mechanisms weren’t cutting it because they weren’t designed to keep him alert.

Morning came with a grey glow and a drizzle of rain, the sound of the door in the next room opening and closing as the nannies traded shifts woke him up but Dick felt heavy and exhausted; he remembered dreaming about Talia, it was some memory from one of his heats but the dream was muddled and confusing and he just wanted it to dissolve out of his brain and to have the sweet release of dreamless sleep. He was almost asleep again when the door to his room opened the sound of quick tiny footsteps filled the space before he felt his blankets being tugged and a small weight bouncing on the bed.

 **“Baba!”** Damian shook him insistently by the shoulder. **“Morning!”**

“Hm… G’morning, Dami…” Dick grumbled into his pillow but forced his eyes to crack open to look at the boy, taking note of the rumpled green pajamas and bed hair.

 **“Up!”** The boy climbed onto him and shook him again.

 **“What’s your hurry?”** Dick frowned a little, lifting an arm over his eyes to block out the light when he looked up at the kid.

 **“Day off. DAY…”** Damian shook Dick by the arm, trying to get to his face as he squealed. **“…OFF!”**

“Oh…” Dick let him arm drop and spotted Naima standing on the doorway.

 **“Ravi said they could have the day off.”** The nanny explained with an apologetic look on her face.

“Ah.” Dick replied eloquently and gave a nod. Damian was still vibrating with excitement on top of him and Cosmo was sitting at foot of the bed playing with the toes of his socks with a faraway look on his face.

 **“Can you handle them alone for a while?”** Naima asked, followed by something about Ravi wanting to see the nannies, and then something about breakfast. Dick wasn’t really paying attention, he was too busy trying get Damian to stop bouncing and shaking him while squealing excitedly.

 **“Yes, yes, sure.”** Dick waved her off tiredly and pulled Damian down into a hug just to get him to sit still. **“Dami, why are you so hyper?”**

 **“Play!”** Damian’s answer was muffled into Dick’s shoulder.

 **“If you want to play then go play.”** He grumbled, loosening his grip on the boy.

 **“Want to play with baba! Day off! All day with baba!”** The kid squealed happily and so energetic that Dick felt twice as tired at the thought that he’d have to deal with that all day long, on the other hand it warmed him just a little that boy wanted so badly to spend the whole day with him.

“Dami…” Dick trailed off and sighed, too drowsy to articulate a proper reply to that.

He wasn’t fully awake yet and needed some time to shake off all the dreams and pull himself together, he just needed to breathe, needed quiet for a few minutes. Surely the kids could handle themselves for a few minutes, right?

 ** _“Dami, just… go play in your room for a little bit, ok?”_** Dick tried to make a suggestion more than an order, Damian didn’t handle direct orders very well, not without challenging or asking a million ‘why’s’. The boy started to argue immediately and asking to go see the chickens and the bunnies again but Dick shook his head and nudged him off the bed. **_“Go, just for a little bit.”_**

Damian pouted and grumbled but ran off back to his room. Cosmo chose that moment to finally look up and he crawled up the bed to curl up next to his father.

Dick muttered a little ‘hi’ but Cosmo didn’t answer, he just nuzzled into the adult’s pillow until he was comfortable and started purring. Dick closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the quiet and sort out his thoughts, even tried to think about what he could do to entertain the kids all day but he lost his train of thought in five seconds flat; he raised his hand to the boy’s hair and started to pet him softly but his arms felt like lead and he soon started to doze.

It felt like a single moment had passed before Dick was awoken by the smack of a door slamming. He sat up, startled, and squinted against the light filtering through the curtains, the rain had stopped and he was alone in bed.

It took a few seconds for Dick to get his bearings but the moment he realized he’d fallen asleep and left the toddlers to their own devices all alone he got the tiniest shot of adrenaline that had him jumping out of bed and rushing to the next room.

He found Cosmo sitting on the floor in just his pajama bottoms and staring at the cup of water usually kept on the bedside table. Damian was nowhere to be seen, Dick even rushed to the bathroom to see if he was in there but found nothing.

“Dami? Damian!” Dick called out, hoping the boy was just hiding or maybe just stupidly hoping the kid would jump out from the closet just for him. **_“Cosmo, where’s your brother?”_**

The child didn’t answer, he was entertaining himself dunking his fingers in the water cup and then sucking on them and acted like he didn’t hear his father. Dick didn’t have time to try to coach an answer out of him, he rushed to pull on the first shirt he found and ran out the door, calling for Damian and searching for him frantically.

Dick stumbled down the hallway and down the stairs and found nothing, he had to stop for a moment to try to figure where Damian could have gone.

All the kid wanted was to spend the day playing with Dick, he had probably gotten tired of waiting and stormed off, Dick felt bad for it but then he remembered the boy talking about going to see the chickens again and it seemed the best bet of where he could have run off too so Dick practically flew towards the backdoor they usually took when heading out to the coop and ran barefoot through the muddy grounds until he spotted Damian, still in pajamas and just as barefoot, almost at the edge of the jungle and arguing with a masked guard, he was stomping his little foot but Dick couldn’t hear what he was yelling.

“Damian!” Dick shouted from a few yards away and the child turned immediately, face all screwed up in rage. “Get back here right now, Damian.”

He had the all-consuming urge to call Damian by his full name like a true scolding parent but that urge stalled when he realized he didn’t even know what last name to use, he had no idea if Talia wanted them to go by Al Ghul or Wayne and he didn’t want to risk using the wrong one and start gossip among the guards and staff.

Damian didn’t move at first, glaring between Dick and the guard but when he realized Dick was glaring right back and standing his ground, the boy became unsettled. Damian huffed and reluctantly trudged over to his father.

“What were you thinking going off alone without telling anyone?” Dick reprimanded even as he scooped the boy up over his hip and started walking back to the manor. He knew he was being unfair, he’d never actually taught the kids about not going out alone, he’d never really explained that if they just disappeared they’d worry people, Damian had no way of knowing that what he had done was in some way wrong but Dick was too exhausted to care whose fault it all was.

“Told Boo.” Damian grumbled, he was still pouting but seemed more upset by Dick’s anger than truly defensive about his actions. “Wanna see chickens and bunnies.”

“Not now.” Dick frowned, tired. The boy needed to get cleaned and into some real clothes, not to mention brush his teeth and have breakfast, just those tasks already sounded exhausting.

Damian kicked and squirmed and whined that he wanted to see the animals but Dick ignored it, he held the child more firmly and marched back into the manor and to the room. He was shushing Damian and trying to get him to stop kicking and shrieking even as they walked through the door to find Cosmo still on the floor and still focused on the water cup but he was drinking from it now and Dick only spared him half a glance before he had to set a squirmy Damian down and crouched to the toddler’s level, holding him still.

 ** _“Damian, if you don’t stop this…”_** Dick started scolding but then shut up and did a double take when his brain finally processed what he had seen.

Cosmo had been moving strangely, he was surrounded by little pill wrappers and a little gnawed plastic bottle, the cup was almost drained but the last little bit of water in it was murky and grainy, and there a couple of scattered pills crushed on the ground that Dick immediately recognized as his medication and suppressants.

“Oh no... Oh no, no, no, no.” Dick let go of Damian immediately and stumbled to Cosmo in a panic, pulling the cup away and glancing at the contents before he fell to his knees in front of the younger twin, grabbing the kid by the shoulder to get his attention and lifting one of the empty pill packets. **_“Cosmo, did you eat all these?”_**

The child blinked at him but didn’t answer, just tilting his head drowsily as if he was vaguely curious about Dick’s very obvious distress.

**_“Cosmo, please! Please, just nod or sign or talk, anything! Just answer- did you eat these?”_ **

After a heart-stopping long moment Cosmo finally just stuck his tongue out, not to be rude but to show his mouth and the bitter residue on his tongue. Then he pointed at Dick and did a little sign that didn’t actually mean anything specific but that Dick understood as confusion nonetheless.

“No! No, no, no. You can go around eating these things on your own.” Dick’s panic grew, now with a horrible sinking feeling of guilt to go with it- he had forgotten to put the pills away, he dozed off and left the kids unsupervised and then he’d run after Damian and the left the kid with the habit of shoving everything in his mouth completely alone.

Cosmo didn’t seem to understand what was happening as Dick hastily gathered the wrappers and bottle to check just how very empty they were, the boy still looked a little confused… And then he looked a lot confused and his eyes became more and more unfocused.

“What did Boo do?” Damian asked, causing Dick to glance back at him and spot him hovering and looking curious before that look turned into alarm.

Dick saw the expression change in Damian face as the kid stared at his brother, Dick reacted to that change by snapping his attention right back to Cosmo just in time to extend his arms and catch the kid as he slumped over, his usually bronzed skin suspiciously ashy, his scent was weird in a way that was hard to define but that made that acrid tang of the Pit stand out horribly, and his vivid green eyes drooping but never fully closing.

“Shit.” Dick cursed, panic boiling over as he held the child close and pat his little face in search of a reaction but all he got was sluggish blinking. “No, no, don’t do this to me, kiddo.”

Dick didn’t think twice, despite his panic he was still Dick Grayson and he still worked well under pressure, he went into mission mode and hoisted Cosmo to his chest, balancing him with one arm and, to avoid making the same mistake twice, he extended his other hand to grab Damian’s before they rushed out of the room, almost jogging down the hallways.

 **“What’s wrong?”** Damian asked as he did his best to keep up with the grownup’s pace.

Dick didn’t answer, he was too busy checking on Cosmo every two steps and was too panicked to choose pretty words to explain the situation to his eldest. They practically flew down the stairs, Damian kept insisting on asking questions and tugging on Dick’s hand for attention but it made no difference.

They almost crashed into Naima around a corner and Dick immediately shoved Damian into her arms with no explanation. **“Watch him.”**

He didn’t wait for an answer and just raced off with Cosmo held tight to his chest, the boy’s head lolling slightly against his shoulder but his eyes were still open, just droopy.

Just as they reached the infirmary, Cosmo jerked and threw up on the floor. Dick rubbed the boy’s back encouragingly and burst through the door but found the space empty, he looked around frantically for the beta that usually ran the place but couldn’t find anyone.

 **“Anybody here?”** He called out into the silence and received no answer. “Fuck.”

With adrenaline shooting through his veins, Dick rushed to the closest cot and set Cosmo down so he could examine him- the boy was awake but not reacting much, his heartbeat and breathing were alright but his eyes were unfocused and dull and the pupils were dilated unnaturally, he looked very much like he used to as a newborn right after the Lazarus Pit.

Dick rushed to the cabinets, upturning everything in search of what he needed; he was starting to panic even further with a scream threatening to rip out of his throat when he finally found what he was looking for in the back of a shelve in the supply closet. He returned to the counter and started quickly mixing the black charcoal power with water in measuring cup.

In theory Dick knew what to do but in practice he had never handled a poisoned child before, as Nightwing (and even as Robin) he done this with a few adults, including himself and teammates, but never anyone as tiny as toddler. Bruce had though and Dick remembered that, he also remembered all the math involved in calculating the necessary amount of charcoal needed based on weight and body mass.

It all took just a few minutes before he was back at Cosmo’s side and gently pulling him to a sitting position and bringing the cup to the boy’s lips.

 ** _“Please, please, please, drink, little prince.”_** Dick begged, he didn’t know the limits of Cosmo’s healing abilities and he didn’t want to find out this way, he also _really_ didn’t want to have to try his luck shoving tubbing into a toddler for the first time if Cosmo didn’t drink on his own.

The child took a slow sip but then sluggishly turned his head and tried to push the cup away, the concoction was flavorless so Dick figured it was the texture that the kid didn’t like but they couldn’t afford to be choosy.

“No, you have to drink it all. You had no problem swallowing that mess earlier, you don’t get to be picky now.” Dick insisted, bringing the cup back to Cosmo’s mouth a bit too forcefully. “I’ll give you anything you want, kiddo, just swallow all of it right now.”

Cosmo struggled listlessly, he tried to shove but lacked the strength and went limp, he started to spit up the liquid instead and Dick was a hair away from screaming or forcing the stuff down the boy’s gullet but he managed to control himself and tried to reason with the boy again.

“Sweetheart, if you don’t drink this whole thing, I’ll have to put some of that,” he pointed at the clear tubbing on the counter. “up your nose. You don’t want that, I don’t want that, so let’s make this easier for everyone and just drink, ok?

Cosmo didn’t give any sign that he understood but he did try to swallow, except he was too slow and ended up choking and spitting again. Dick apologized and pinched the kid’s nose while tilting the cup and it worked, Cosmo opened his mouth to take a breath and swallowed almost half of the concoction in one go, it took only seconds for him to drink it all.

“There. See? Not so hard.” Dick put the cup away and sat down, pulling the boy into his lap and keeping track of his pulse. “Come on, little prince. You’re supposed to be one that doesn’t get sick, you can do this.”

Dick lost track of how long he sat there, cradling his son and rocking him gently as he kept a finger on the boy’s pulse. On his part, Cosmo didn’t seem bothered at all and the lethargic hazy look in his eyes slowly lifted so that the kid perked up and just looked confused as to where he was.

At some point the usual beta arrived and was startled by the mess Dick had made in his search; the medic (or whatever they were) wanted an explanation so Dick pointed at the mixing cup with black residue at the bottom and rushed to explain that the child had found pills and ate them, he even named all the medications like he was giving a report, his mind still in mission mode.

The beta became alarmed and examined Cosmo, still on Dick’s lap, the boy was rapidly becoming more alert and immediately resented the stranger touching him in any way but Dick took that as a win because it meant the boy was starting to feel like himself again. The medic found nothing wrong whatsoever and went as far as asking Dick if he was _sure_ the child had really swallowed anything, it was Dick’s turn to feel resentful but he merely nodded instead of lashing out.

Eventually, the beta decided that Dick was exaggerating and declared that if anything bad was meant to happen it would have happened already so the danger had passed. Dick was told to make sure Cosmo drank plenty of water and just like that they were dismissed and kicked out.

Dick refused to put his son down as they left the infirmary. Cosmo looked perfectly fine again but Dick was reluctant to let the boy go, he needed to make sure nothing would happen, needed to feel that weight and warmth and scent to calm his frayed nerves, so he just carried Cosmo all the way back to the room. He was eager to be able to take off the bile and charcoal stained clothes and get both of them cleaned up but when they arrived it was just in time to see Damian throwing a tantrum and biting Samir’s arm as the omega tried to calm him.

There was some confusion for a few minutes- Cosmo was trying to squirm out of his father’s arms, Naima was trying to explain over the noise that Damian refused to have lunch and started screaming non-stop for Dick, in fact Damian was still screaming but nothing that made sense now, he was just clutching his head and scratching himself hysterically as he shrieked, something Dick hadn’t seen the boy do in quite a while, and when a stressed out Samir tried to make him stop, Damian lashed out with bites and slaps and yelled louder.

“Fuck my life.” Dick whispered to himself and sighed. He gave Cosmo a once over and finally let him go, asking Naima to watch him, then he crouched down and nudged Samir out of the way. **“I’ll handle him.”**

Damian finally seemed to notice Dick was there and ran to him, hiding his face in his father’s lap, still trying to scratch himself raw and sobbing so hard he couldn’t breathe. When asked what was wrong the boy wouldn’t answer but by the way he was acting Dick knew it wasn’t a tantrum at all, it was a meltdown.

Dick ended up on his knees, holding the kid tightly and gently trying to pry the boy’s hands away to keep him from hurting himself, Damian fought against it and kept trying to bury his face even more into his father’s clothes. It wasn’t working very well so Dick looked at Samir and pointed at one of the blankets in the bed, the other omega gave it to him and Dick draped it over himself and Damian, cocooning them both in muffled darkness before he held the child closer to his chest and rocked slowly.

 ** _“There. No lights, no noise, no people, and baba is right here.”_** Dick murmured, one hand firmly on the child’s back and the other cupping the back of Damian’s head, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure. **_“Better?”_**

There was no answer but Damian stopped screaming, he was shaking and clung tighter to Dick. It took while but eventually the kid started to unwind and went limp in Dick’s arms, sniffling and curled in on himself, his scent going from an erratic mess of distressed pheromones into something more neutral and exuding exhaustion.

 ** _“You want to talk now?”_** Dick asked but Damian shook his head, scowling and acting clingy. **_“Ok, you don’t have to talk but can I take this off?”_** Dick tugged on the blanket and Damian hesitated. **_“You don’t have to listen to anyone if you don’t want to.”_**

Damian finally relented and when Dick pulled off the blanket, the kid winced at the light, disentangled himself and darted off to the corner with his pencils and sketchbook. Dick watched him go and just stayed right where he was on his knees, his shoulders sagging from fatigue, he was wrung out like an emotional rag and felt reality starting to slip away from him.

 **“Are you alright?”** Samir sat next to him and placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder.

 **“Fine.”** Dick answered dully, the touch bothered him but he was too numb to even flinch. 

**“What exactly happened today?”** The older omega looked concerned and glanced between Damian drawing grumpily in a corner and Cosmo running from Naima as she attempted to get him in the bath.

 **“I made a mistake.”** Dick knew he shouldn’t admit he fucked up but he was too drained to really filter the truth.

 **“What mistake?”** Samir insisted, frowning when he couldn’t pick up what Dick was feeling from his scent.

 **“I got distracted. Forgot my priorities.”** He replied blankly, voice hard with self-deprecation and beyond tired. **“It won’t happen again.”**

 **“Grayson…”** Samir’s concern deepened in response to that dull tone.

 **“It won’t happen again.”** Dick repeated, sharper and with more emphasis, a clear sign that the conversation was over.

 **“Alright. Well, the children haven’t eaten yet… And neither have you.”** The older omega sounded tentative but caring. **“Perhaps we should take care of that now?”**

Dick nodded listlessly and dragged himself up to his feet, his whole body felt like lead but he dragged himself to the bathroom nonetheless. Naima was still having trouble getting Cosmo in the bath so Dick took over that too, he needed to get himself cleaned up anyway, he still had mud, bile and charcoal clinging to him so he decided to multitask and just slipped into the water with Cosmo; it didn’t take very long and afterwards he allowed the nannies to dress the boy while he went to put on whatever clean clothes he stumbled on first.

By then the panic had faded but the guilt was eating him alive.

Dick couldn’t stop thinking what would have happened to Damian if he hadn’t woken up to go look for him, what would have happened to Cosmo if he hadn’t noticed the pills in time. He couldn’t stop replaying all the horrible scenarios in his head and, worse yet, he couldn’t shake the voice in his head that reminded him that it was his fault in first place, that if he had done his job they way he was supposed to instead of being selfish nothing bad would have happened at all.

Talia would kill him if she were around… That made Dick groan, he didn’t care about Talia’s opinion but he couldn’t get her out of his head. He desperately needed to find a way to focus.

The whole day had been a disaster and they weren’t even halfway through it yet, and to think that all Damian wanted when he woke him up what felt like ages ago was to spend the day playing with Dick. Well, maybe, if Dick worked hard enough, he could still salvage the day and give the kid what he wanted.

Speaking of Damian, after a meltdown the boy usually wanted to be alone for a while so Dick had to approach him cautiously. He did just that- once he was dressed, he returned to the other room and made a beeline for Damian, leaving a couple of feet between them and speaking softly.

 ** _“Dami, you hungry?”_** Dick watched the boy scribble on his sketchbook and shrug. **_“How about we go eat and then we can do anything you want?”_**

Damian finally looked up with hope in his eyes. ** _“Anything?”_**

 ** _“Sure.”_** He nodded and the toddler abandoned his drawings to run up to him.

Just then, Cosmo ran to them too, he was just in his underwear and hid behind Dick because Naima was chasing him with clothes he hated for some reason and refused to put on. Dick took a deep breath, it was going to be a really long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day isn't over yet! My, oh my, what will happen next?  
> This chapter might have been (read: definitely was) based on real life events of my childhood. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> **Seriously, I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write faster.  
>  Don't be afraid to ramble!**


	40. Day Off (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Dick's long, bad, terrible, no good day.  
> The day gets better but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **We have another playlist, ya'll, and this one is unique!  
> **  
>  Valiantfuryphilosopher has made a playlist for this fic where each song fits a chapter (up until chapter 39), it's in order so feel free to listen to [ this amazing playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QxBUNtxWI0grXI8XACZdB) while you reread your favorite bits of the fic! 
> 
> I really feel so honored when my work inspires people to make things, I love everything people make for my fics!

Lunch ended up being quiet- the nannies were watching Dick poke his couscous like circling hawks, Damian ate while staring suspiciously at Dick, like he didn’t really believe he’d get what he wanted, and Cosmo gobbled down food like a starving person, getting stains all over his clean clothes.

 **“So… What do you want to do, boys?”** Dick asked to break the tense silence.

Cosmo didn’t seem to care but Damian put on a pensive face with his fork stuck in his mouth as he considered the options. **“Chickens. Bunnies.”**

 **“Alright, but don’t you want to try something different for a change?”** He asked, hoping he wouldn’t have to spend the next six hours in a coop, he didn’t think he could stay focused with that level of boredom.

 **“Can I make a suggestion?”** Samir smiled, collecting his own plate and plucking a tangerine from the fruit bowl in the counter, he tossed the fruit at Dick, who caught it with ease. **“It’s not raining anymore and the tangerines are still in season. Why not go pick some? You might see some interesting animals that way too.”**

Dick would never in a million years have thought of fruit picking as a fun activity, specially not with two toddlers. Hell, he never would have thought of it at all, but it was an option and it would imply going outside and exploring the jungle a little and he was just that desperate for a change of pace. He hadn’t realized until then how dull his life had become.

 **“What do you think, boys? Want to go climb some trees and pick some of these?”** Dick held up the tangerine and tried his best to smile. **“We can play a game and see who can bring home the most of them.”**

 **“Yes!”** Damian agreed enthusiastically, most likely because of the prospect of climbing trees and seeing new animals.

Cosmo pointed at the fruit and did his question mark sign, hooking his index finger and flexing it twice.

 **“I don’t know this one, little prince. The closest I know is orange.”** Dick exemplified by raising his hand in a C-shape, then clenching and unclenching it into a fist twice.

Cosmo repeated the sign but then just made grabby hands at the fruit itself, Dick peeled it and handed a section for each twin to eat. Through the whole discussion, the two nannies exchanged cryptic glances with each other that Dick noticed but chose to ignore.

Half an hour later, the boys were equipped with little cloth bags, holding each other’s hand and running ahead of Dick as they made their way through the grounds and out into the jungle with Samir in the lead serving as their guide. There were tangerine trees scattered all over the island but there was a grove deeper into the jungle where they clustered, it was a pretty spot with a break in the dense vegetation and ancient gnarled trees draped with vines, to make way for shorter stumpy trees with branches bowing heavily with colorful fruit and the occasional rain puddle in the muddy ground.

The air smelled like petrichor and citrus, Dick could almost taste the fruit just from the intensity of the scent and it reminded him of Ghost and how his kisses always tasted a little bit like the fruits around him; maybe they were Ghost’s favorite, Dick didn’t know and kicked himself for it. Either way, the reminder was like a punch in the gut and Dick could barely swallow past the lump in his throat.

Dick missed Ghost terribly. He was always thinking of Talia, his body wanted her, but the sane side of him wanted Ghost. Part of it was the way the man’s scent calmed that horrible craving in him but mostly he just missed having somebody focus on his needs for a change. However, he felt really selfish admitting that to himself, specially when the kids needed his undivided attention so he did what did best- he pushed it all to the back of his mind, plastered a facsimile of a smile on his face and avoided the negatives like they were bubonic rats.

Once they arrived at the grove, Damian took the climbing idea to heart and immediately started to put his gymnastic skills to good use to get up the tallest tangerine tree, which wasn’t saying much considering that the trees there were rather proportional to their small fruits so Dick wasn’t worried and let the boy hang like a little bat from the branches as he plucked tangerines and stuffed them into his bag.

Dick let Samir watch over the older twin and he turned his attention to Cosmo instead, he was still worried after what had happened that morning so he was unwilling to take his eyes off the boy. Cosmo was alright though, he stared at the fruits for a long time while sucking on his thumb so Dick crouched next to him and showed him what to do, picking a single reddish-orange orb and placing it in the bag, Cosmo copied him and soon he was filling up his sac but he didn’t climb anything, he only took the fruits from the low hanging branches and soon got distracted sloshing mud around in a puddle.

It was a picture of calm and contentment but Dick knew better, he could feel eyes on him and when he really tried he could spot the guards hiding in different spots of the jungle. He didn’t expect privacy but he also knew they wouldn’t interact, not unless someone was dying or attempting to run away.

The minutes droned on and the numb haze crept back in and it took Dick longer than it should to realize he couldn’t see Cosmo anymore, the puddle the kid had been playing in was empty and Dick had just been staring at nothing. He looked around anxiously and spotted the child crouching and staring at a spider weaving its web between branches of a bush. Dick relaxed just a little but then he heard Samir’s voice in the distance and Damian shrieking angrily, so he sighed and went looking for them.

Damian was trying to approach something hidden in the raised roots of a massive tree, Samir kept trying to pull the boy back but whenever he touched him, Damian would scream and try to shove him away angrily. Dick walked up them and tagged in, reluctantly patting the other omega’s shoulder in a way that made his palm tingle unpleasantly and cocking his head in Cosmo’s direction, Samir understood and they traded places.

 ** _“What do you have there, Dami?”_** Dick approached cautiously and finally found the source of the excitement.

There was an animal hiding in the roots, it looked somewhat like a leopard but in small proportions, closer to housecat. Either way, the creature was snarling with all its sharp teeth on display, spine arched and fur puffed up. Dick placed a hand carefully on Damian’s shoulder and stopped him from lunging for the animal.

 ** _“No, Dami. That’s a wild cat.”_** He didn’t scold, just warned firmly, ignoring the child’s angry flailing. “You see how it’s all up on its tippy-toes and making noise? It’s angry and scared, it will hurt you if you get closer, baby bat.”

 ** _“But I wanna see!”_** The child insisted, reaching out with grabby hands towards the animal.

 ** _“You can see it just fine.”_** Dick scolded softly, his grip still firm on the boy’s shoulder. **_“Wild animals don’t like people getting too close, you can’t grab every single one of them, they might hurt you. Now let it go, you’re scaring it.”_**

 ** _“But it…”_** Damian began to argue but Dick cut him off with a teasing tone.

 **“Dami, if you don’t hurry up picking more tangerines, Cosmo’s going to win.”** He warned, playfully, trying to distract the child.

Damian pouted and looked hesitantly between the hissing feline and the stumpy trees before he finally relented and stomped back to the safety of the little wild orchard, the cat escaped immediately, jumping onto a branch and disappearing between the foliage like a feral phantom. Damian started stuffing tangerines into his bag again while casting mournful glances in the direction the creature had escape to.

For while, Dick answered all sorts of tiresome questions Damian had about cats while he watched the eldest twin gathering fruits until his bag was bulging and too full for him to carry though he still insisted on dragging it around. Dick was getting antsy though, he wanted Cosmo back in his line of sight and he hated the feeling of eyes on him like bugs crawling up his spine and the nape of his neck.

The boys were having fun but for Dick, boredom had long since settled in even through the anxiety that never truly went away, he couldn’t stay focused that way. He went as far as picking some fruits himself just for something to do but his thoughts kept wandering, he felt so numb, he just wanted to feel something soon.

His mind was spiraling on this single desire when Samir called, sounding a little alarmed again, so Dick pulled himself out of his stupor and motioned for Damian to come with him as they rushed to the far end of the grove where Cosmo was standing in front of a tree and trying to poke his head into a hole in the bark while nanny stood a few feet away trying to dissuade the boy. There was a buzzing noise that Dick recognized after a few seconds and upon closer inspection he realized Cosmo was about to dive head-first into a beehive.

“No, no, no. Leave the bees alone.” Dick rushed forward and plucked the kid right off the tree, he moved so abruptly that he felt stings on his forearm almost immediately but he was more concerned with shielding the boy in his arms until they were at a safe distance.

Cosmo’s hands were sticky with honey and now Damian looked fascinated by the hive too, Dick felt exhausted just seeing that mischievous glint in their eyes as he checked Cosmo for stings.

 **“I’m sorry, I just…”** Samir trailed off, still several feet away and eyeing the bees with a nervous look on his face. Clearly, he was afraid.

 **“Don’t worry about it.”** Dick waved the matter off tiredly as he tried to clean Cosmo’s hands but wasn’t quite able to stop the boy from shoving his hand in his mouth and going wide eyed in delight. **“I know, it’s sweet but don’t go near them.”**

 **“Sweet?”** Damian piped in, more curious than ever.

 **“It’s honey, Dami, you’ve had honey before. Bees make honey but if you get too close they sting and that hurts, so don’t go near them.”** He spoke to both children (never mind that Cosmo probably wouldn’t feel any stings) and pulled his own sleeves out of the way to show the welts throbbing on his arms.

The stings hurt, of course they did, but to someone so used to pain they were barely worth noticing and Dick found himself wishing they’d hurt just a little more, he didn’t know _why_ that wish fizzled in his brain that but it did, that pain was something to pierce the numbness.

The boys nodded but still looked tempted, Damian asked how bees made honey and how people got it if the bees stung, he asked a lot of things and a weary Dick answered while simultaneously encouraging the kids to keep playing. He kept an eye on them even as they scattered in different directions to go find some more trouble.

Eventually, Damian got bored and tried to climb a much bigger tree because he spotted something in the canopy, but kept slipping on the mossy bark and started to complain and demand that someone help him. He got what he wanted- Dick showed the boy how climb and when Cosmo looked left out, Dick hung upside down from a branch as if it was a trusty trapeze and reached for the younger twin, hauling Cosmo up and climbing higher with both children.

The thing on the canopy turned out to be a very large lazy boa resting in the sunlight, Damian wanted to approach it but Dick reminded him again about bothering wild animals, he called it rude and dangerous and it was enough for the boy to very reluctantly stop and just watch the animal instead.

“That one ven… venm…” Damian struggled with the word but Dick was proud that he remembered it at all.

“Venomous? No, but it still bites and big snakes like that will wrap around you and squeeze until you can’t breathe so don’t bother it, alright?” Dick squeezed the boy in a playful hug for emphasis, tickling Damian lightly until his pout turned into squealing giggles and he acquiesced.

They left the boa alone and ended sitting on the highest branch of a tree whose species Dick didn’t know but it was dripping with vines and moss, enormous and dizzyingly high off the ground, so he kept both toddlers close and within reach to be safe. The view was spectacular, not so much on the side of the manor but they could see all the way to the opposite end of the island where the sea caves were and to the other side where secret ruins crumbled in a hill like skeletons of ancient buildings.

Cosmo sat on Dick’s right side, trying to gnaw on a tangerine through the bitter peel; Damian was standing on the left, trying to see as far he could into the landscape, pointing and asking a relentless barrage of questions about random things they could see in the distance. Dick took the fruit from his youngest son and started peeling it, he dropped the sections in his lap and let Cosmo snack on them all he wanted.

 ** _“No, Dami.”_** Dick admonished with a hand fisted in Damian’s shirt when the boy tried to walk further along the branch like it was a high beam. **_“Aren’t you afraid of falling?”_**

“Nuh-uh!” The kid countered, trying to pull away.

Ever since they arrived at the island, Dick had been doing his best to get the kids used to high places and he was proud that it seemed to be working, neither boy showed any vertigo or fear of heights; in fact, they liked being high up, specially if that meant being high up _with Dick_.

“You boys really are a couple of Flying Graysons.” Dick spoke without thinking, with a real smile for the first time that day.

 ** _“What’s that?”_** Damian asked, still trying to free himself from Dick’s grip.

 ** _“That’s a long story. Sit with me and maybe I’ll tell you.”_** Dick watched Damian consider the offer and then sit with his little legs dangling impatiently from the branch.

 **“Sami calls baba Grayson.”** The boy stole one of the tangerine pieces and munched on it as he awaited a reply.

“Yup. I’m a Grayson.” Dick explained but when Damian looked unsatisfied by the answer he decided to elaborate. **_“It’s my family name. You know how Talia and Ghost are Al Ghuls? Well, it’s the same, I’m a Grayson, and so was grandma Mary and grandpa John.”_**

Damian sucked on his piece of fruit pensively but eventually nodded his understanding. **_“Father also Grayson?”_**

 ** _“Ah! No.”_** Dick laughed softly, as if Bruce would ever take anyone else’s name. **_“No, your father is a Wayne.”_**

Damian grabbed another piece of fruit and nibbled on it, he still looked lost in thought. **“Mama said we are Al Ghul.”**

 **“She did.”** Dick nodded but couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his tone or his frown. He wanted to tell the kids they weren’t Al Ghuls at all, or at least tell them they didn’t _have_ to be Al Ghuls if they want to, but he knew it was safer if he convinced them to go along with Talia.

“You said Flying Grayson.” Damian countered, trying to connect the dots.

 ** _“I just meant you’re like me.”_** Dick dodged, choosing his words carefully.

 **“Story.”** Damian demanded after a long quiet moment.

“Hm?”

**“You said long story.”**

“Oh, right. Ok, well, there’s this thing called a circus…” Dick began, interrupted by Cosmo making his little question sign.

Dick made the sign for ‘circus’, bringing one hand up to his nose like he was squeezing a clown nose and then hooking his index and middle fingers of both hands and clawing the air like he was climbing an invisible ladder. He had to repeat the sign a couple of times before the kids got it right but Damian asked what a circus was in the first place so Dick proceeded to explain that circuses were large groups of people that traveled the world together and put on shows with fantastic trained animals, amazing feats of human skill, amusing clowns, incredible artists, and much more.

He told the twins that he was born in one of those circuses and that ever since he was little he was part of the show too.

Damian had a lot of questions, he wanted to know what a big top was when Dick mentioned it, he wanted to hear more about the animals and if he could see them, he wanted to know what traveling around the world meant and how big the world was, he wanted to know what clowns were. Dick answered all those questions and more in vivid detail, he even talked about his childhood friends and many of the various performers from Haly’s, letting nostalgia wash over him like the heat of a spotlight before he got back on track and explained what the Graysons did and how they put on a show.

“Our show was high up in the air with colorful shiny outfits, twists and flips and swings. We were so good at it that we looked like we were flying, that’s why people called us Flying Graysons.” Dick spoke as dramatically as a ringleader and waved his arms theatrically through the air for emphasis, much like he used to when they were waving and bowing at the audience after a good act.

“Like birds?” Damian asked, infected by the dramatic tone and looking excited.

“Yeah, Dami, like birds. Hundreds of people showed up for every show just to see us.” Dick smiled again, a little sad this time.

He missed those days- missed the roar of the crowd and the blinding lights, the smell of popcorn, cotton candy, animal fur and hay in the air, as well as the odor of sweat and chalk on his hands and the sparkle of glitter and sequins on his skin, the feel of bright makeup on his face and the stretchy texture of the skin-tight suits; he missed the sway of gravity and the warm heavy air of the tent as he swung through it, even the booming voice of CC announcing their act. Most of all he missed his father’s brilliant smile just before he jumped of the ledge and his mother’s encouraging voice when it was his turn, he ached for how simple everything felt back then, how busy, exciting and full of life every day was.

But more than anything, Dick regretted that his boys might never see the inside of a big top, they would never get to see him in his element, they would never experience their real roots.

 **“Wanna see baba fly.”** Damian exclaimed as if reading Dick’s mind, hands waving excitedly in the air and cutting right into Dick’s internal wallowing.

“Someday I’ll show you.” He promised with that sad little smile.

“Where the circus now?”

“I don’t know, baby bat.” Dick shrugged, a little sad, given the time of the year he figured Haly’s Circus was probably somewhere in the United States and that made him think about Gotham and Bruce. “I met your father at the circus.” He blurted out without thinking, not willing to relive the day he met Bruce but unable to keep the man out of his thoughts.

 **“What did he do? In the…?”** Damian made a clumsy version of the sign for circus to complete his question. He was kicking his feet excitedly and rocked happily in place, every day he seemed to get more and more restless. Cosmo, on the other hand, had been sucking on the same piece of fruit for several long minutes and sat very quietly except for the occasional interest in one word or another.

“Nothing. He wasn’t a performer, he was in the audience, he was one of the people that came to watch.” Dick chuckled at the mental image of Bruce in sequins on a trapeze but the image that replaced it – Bruce sitting alone in the stands and watching a fully grown Dick perform for him – made his heart do a weird little somersault in the too-tight confines of his ribcage.

**“Father doesn’t fly?”**

“Oh, he flies he alright, he just doesn’t put on a show.” Dick smirked secretively, thinking of Batman cutting through the skies of Gotham with his grapnel like a bat out of hell.

Damian opened his mouth to say something else but a sudden noise in the distance distracted him, they all looked out in the landscape and saw rustling of movement all the way down to the caves even from miles away. Somebody had arrived, the fact that there was enough commotion for them to notice from so far away meant there were probably many people or maybe they were transporting cargo into the island.

Dick looked down at the ground where Samir was sitting on the roots of the tree and guarding the children’s bags of fruit; he whistled and the older omega looked up.

 **“Samir, did you know about anyone arriving today?”** Dick asked loud enough for the older omega to hear him from below.

 **“Of course, why do you think Ravi called us first thing in the morning?”** Samir gave him a quizzical look and Dick just knew he had missed some crucial piece of information. He should have known something was up, they had probably talked about it or even told him in the morning and he had been too distracted to really understand what was happening.

 **“Who is it?”** Dick tried to casual but internally he was chanting- «Please be Ghost, please be Ghost, please be Ghost.»

Samir just gave a small dismissive shrug, it was unclear if he didn’t want to answer or if he genuinely didn’t know but Dick couldn’t insist because the twins were getting too fidgety and while holding Cosmo wasn’t so hard, Damian was a challenge.

“Ok, time for a little Flying Grayson demonstration.” Dick muttered and pulled both children into his arms, instructing them to hold on tight.

It was easy to lunge backwards and somersault, landing on lower branch and using it for leverage to jump to the next one and the one after that until he was low enough to hang by his legs and let both the squealing excited kids dangle from his arms and jump down happily before he did the same with a little flourish. Dick just couldn’t resist showing off a bit, talking about the circus had made him nostalgic and the hope that Ghost might be back had lifted his spirits.

The two adults ended up having to carry the bags of tangerines because they were too full for the kids to drag all the way back, Dick didn’t mind so long as the boys kept laughing and chasing each other all the way back to the manor.

Both twins fell more than a few times in the uneven terrain, they stumbled on roots and slipped in muddy puddles but despite the minor scrapes on their knees and palms, they didn’t seem to mind; the only time someone complained and cried was when at one point Damian got distracted looking back at his brother and telling him to chase him while he ran and as a result smacked headfirst into a low hanging branch and earned himself a rapidly swelling bump on the head.

After that, a very worn-out Dick carried a sniffling Damian until he stopped crying, by then they were already nearing the manor grounds with their sprawling gardens and Damian started squirming and wanting to get down, Dick suspected it was because they could hear and see people around the manor and Damian never really got over the lesson of not crying in front of others unless those others were Dick or the nannies. He let the boy down and both twins rushed off in a mad dash to see who got to the house first.

The sun was setting through the grey clouds and the twins were covered in dirt by the time they slipped into the kitchen to drop the bags full of fruit; it was clear Damian had picked the most tangerines (and Cosmo’s bag appeared to be filled with little pebbles and flowers in various shades of white more than actual fruit) but Dick tried to cheat and announce it a tie.

Damian wouldn’t have it and went as far as dumping the contents of the bags on the table to count each dark orange orb, the problem was he emptied both bags too close together and lost track of which fruits were his and which weren’t, and that frustrated him almost as much as the fact that Cosmo was just standing there trying to chew cluelessly into one of _Damian’s_ tangerines.

The ensuing shouting was only quieted when an exhausted Dick, face down on the kitchen table and trying to hide from the scents of the kitchen staff busy cooking dinner around them, announced that _fine_ , Damian _won_.

Dick wanted to get out of there and retreat somewhere he didn’t have to be around so many people, so many horribly invasive scents, but dinner was practically ready and the twins hadn’t napped so they’d pass out the moment they got out of a bath, it made a lot more sense to let them eat something now than going up to change and coming all the way back down again.

So they had dinner.

Well, the children had dinner, Dick couldn’t stomach anything with so many people so close to him, his stomach roiled in a terribly familiar way, like sludgy ice slipping down his spine and settling in his gut.

He was starting to get a really bad feeling, so much so that he ignored the way Damian shoved his beans onto his brother’s plate or the way Cosmo picked through the food to push away every tiny bit of chopped onion, he even let the boys have extra pudding for dessert because he was too distracted by the squirmy feeling in his insides to really argue with them.

When they finally left the kitchen and all the staff behind, Dick was still being assaulted by that terrible feeling, a horrible sensation that something was wrong. Without so many scents to confuse him he began to realize he’d been feeling it for a while, thrumming in the background, buzzing along his spine, but he only truly noticed it for what it was when all the distractions and voices around him went quiet as they made their way up the stairs.

In the corridor that led up to their rooms, a scent like perfume lingered in the air, haunting him and luring him all at once, making him feel like a cartoon character floating after the magical curl of steam from a poisoned pie cooling in some metaphorical windowsill.

Damian was talking but Dick didn’t hear a word, he was filled with… Feelings. Conflicting feelings that he didn’t want to analyze, feelings that made him want to run but why and in what direction, he didn’t know.

Dick walked into the children’s room almost in a trance and stopped dead on his tracks when he spotted the visitor sitting in the wicker chair by the window. The kids noticed too, Cosmo stood there quietly looking down at the floor and retreating into himself while Damian looked torn between rushing forward or hiding behind Dick’s legs.

“Talia.” Dick breathed out the name in a gust air that had been trapped his lungs a few seconds too long for comfort. As soon as he resumed breathing her scent hit him like a freight train and he felt his bones turn to jelly and his head swim; the coiled thing in his chest that he identified as the bond, the leash she used on him, stirred and unfurled like a hungry monster awakening from hibernation.

She looked as beautiful as ever, sitting like a queen in a throne with her long chestnut hair in a high ponytail, her deep green low-cut top bringing out the hazel of her eyes and the emerald of her nails, her pristine white pants highlighting her curves just right, her jewelry was more demure than usual but the golden bangles around her wrists and the matching intricate earrings shimmered in the low light.

 **“Hello, my beloveds. I am home.”** Talia smiled, sweet and cunning, and when the twins made no effort to reply, she stood and opened her arms. **“Will you not hug your mother after so long?”**

Damian looked up at his father, like he was waiting for permission or instruction, but Dick was frozen in place and barely noticed, he was too busy clenching his fists and gritting his teeth from the sheer effort to not launch himself at Talia (whether he wanted to kiss her to throttle her, he wasn’t entirely sure).

Talia was still waiting and Damian seemed to feel, or smell, the danger hovering in the air so he cautiously walked up to Talia and gave her a careful hug with his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Cosmo opted not to move from his quiet spot just inside the door.

 **“Well? Did you miss me, little love?”** Talia held Damian and when he wouldn’t look up, she tipped his chin with her fingertip and forced him to make eye contact (something neither twin had ever been comfortable with, Dick didn’t mind because it reminded him of Bruce but Talia disapproved).

Damian hesitated, looking at the alpha with uncertainty. **“Yes, mother.”**

Dick had no idea if Damian was being honest or not, he didn’t know if the kids even knew _how_ to lie, but he was grateful for the reply because it seemed to be what Talia was expecting, she smiled and nuzzled the boy, scenting and marking him like only an alpha could. The stiffness in Damian’s movements slowly eased and he eventually nuzzled back, just like any pup reacting to their alpha.

 **“I missed you as well, little one**.” Talia’s smile looked truly sincere as she placed a small kiss to the boy’s cheek. She then took a good look at him and his twin. **“My, my, you have both grown so much! But you are filthy, what have you been doing?”**

Damian immediately tried to explain about their day, about the jungle and the animals and climbing trees, about how _he_ had picked the most fruits. The boy was unwinding and began to babble, Talia’s scent lulling him to a sense of safety.

 **“What a delightfully unproductive day.”** Talia chuckled, the sarcasm was lost on the child but it jolted Dick and suddenly his voice was spilling through the shocked haze.

“What are you doing here, Talia?” He let slip, mostly in shocked but a little in awe. Christ, had she always been so gorgeous? That wasn’t fair, no body that cruel should be so pretty.

“It is my home, Richard.” Talia retorted with a wider smile and a truly happy tone, she turned to Damian and nuzzled him more insistently. “And did you really think I would miss my children’s birthday?”

Dick opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out, her scent was making it very hard for him to think, he wanted to drown in that sweet oasis, he wanted to reach out and touch her, wanted to fall to his knees for her, wanted, wanted… But he couldn’t move, thank god for the drugs that kept him clear-headed enough to resist his baser instinct no matter how much it hurt.

And yet, hurt it did, or perhaps hurt wasn’t the right word in his currently numb state… Exhausting. That’s what it was, resisting was exhausting. He could feel the scar on his neck like a giant throbbing neon sign, his teeth ached to sink into her flesh, his skin fit all wrong over his bones and he couldn’t think of anything beyond the fact that _she_ could make it all feel _right_.

Dick clenched his fists tighter, trying to clear his thoughts, he should be furious at her for the quiet room, he should be fighting her, he should ask her about Jason… Except he could give two fucks about any of that in that moment, he couldn’t even move because if did he was going to fall at her feet and beg for her attention.

Talia watched him for those precious seconds that he struggled with his baser instincts, she put Damian down and examined the omega from head to toe. “I must say, Richard, I am surprised to see you so…”

“Alive?” Dick supplied, bitterly.

“Composed.” She corrected with a dangerous smiled that showed a hint of sharp teeth.

“I…” Dick trailed off, he couldn’t finish his sentence, his mouth was suddenly dry and he no longer remembered what he was about to say because Talia was walking up to him, not quite touching but close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from her body and that scent that exuded dominance.

He became so tense that it felt like his tendons were about to snap from the effort to stay still.

Damian interrupted, he must have felt the tension in the air, must have seen signs of danger between the two adults, because his first instinct was to tug on Talia’s hand for attention (to get her away from his stunned father) as he began to talk and change the subject.

 **“Mama, come see our snake.”** The boy tugged Talia away from Dick with urgency, redirecting her attention to the tank with the subdued little reptile inside. Cosmo took the chance to move to Dick and cling to his leg, like he was trying to put himself between the two adults.

Talia saw right through the distraction but she played along with a conniving little smirk. She pet Damian’s hair gently and reached into the tank, letting the snake coil up around her hand as she examined the harmless creature with a critical eye.

 **“Is this a pet?”** Talia sounded amused. **“What is its name?”**

 **“Snake.”** Damian announced in a heartbeat, looking up at her with big innocent eyes.

 **“You didn’t give it a name?”** Talia’s amusement grew further and she arched a curious elegant brow.

Damian shrugged but blinked and thought about it for a moment, apparently it had just occurred to him that they could have chosen a name, as if Dick hadn’t told them that already, he simply hadn’t insisted because a part of him still thought they shouldn’t get attached, a part of him had feared this exact moment where Talia would give her opinion on the matter.

 **“Perhaps that’s for the best, if you haven’t named it then you’re not attached enough to miss it.”** The alpha announced as Dick had predicted, but she was sweetly and diplomatically, like she truly believed she was doing them a favor even as she held the little snake and tightened her grip.

The kids didn’t seem to understand what she meant, Damian furrowed his brow, fidgeting in place and staring at her anxiously, and Cosmo didn’t move from his spot. Dick, however, reacted like he had been burned- he felt his feet suddenly unstick from the ground and he was across the room before anyone could draw another breath, grabbing Talia’s wrist.

“Talia, don’t.” Dick didn’t fight her or threaten, he begged, softly and demurely. He looked into her eyes with all his vulnerability on display and tried very hard to ignore the warmth of her skin under his fingers.

“I did not give permission for this sort of distraction.” Talia spoke sternly to Dick only but made no further move to harm the pet.

“You weren’t here for them to ask.” He countered tactfully, still soft and demure and pleading; without really thinking he moved closer and let his forehead drop to her shoulder, slumping slightly in tired submission. “Please, just let them have this.”

“It is only a pet, Richard.” Talia sounded like she was rolling her eyes but her tone softened just a touch.

“Exactly. Why does it matter so much?” Dick countered and kept begging in a low whisper. “Please, it makes them so happy.”

“It’s a distraction.” Talia stood her ground but her voice betrayed curiosity over his attitude.

“Please.” He sighed, too tired for pride. “I’ll do anything you want, just please let them have this.”

“I must say, I like this new side of you, Richard.” Talia purred the words and nuzzled into his hair, curious about the strangeness of his scent and displaying a rare little hint of affection. Without making any move to dislodge him, she handed the snake back to Damian. **“Very well. You may keep your pet, Damian.”**

 **“Thank you, mother…”** Damian mumbled the words cautiously and accepted the animal, holding it protectively to his chest. He looked startled and nervous by the display the adults were putting on, he didn’t like not knowing what was happening but he was too afraid of Talia to do anything.

Cosmo had moved behind Damian, still deathly silent and showing no reaction to the situation other than the way he clung to his brother’s shirt.

 **“Very well.”** Talia finally stepped away, she pat both boys’ heads gently and began to head for the door. **“Get these children cleaned up. I’ll see you all in the morning, my beloveds.”**

“Wait!” Dick rushed after her and grabbed her wrist again.

Her dismissal burned and corroded him from the inside. He felt like he had done something wrong and he hated that feeling, why was the alpha leaving? Why? What did he have to do for her to stay and touch him more? He needed her, needed to make her stay, now that he’d finally felt her touch again he just… he didn’t want to fight the need anymore.

“Yes, Richard?” Talia turned to him with glowing smile and an air of faux innocence.

Dick knew right then that she knew exactly what she was doing, he had forgotten the bond between them allowed her to read his every emotion like a billboard- Talia was taunting him. That bitch.

“Don’t go.” Pride be damned, Dick wasn’t done begging yet, not when he knew on a visceral level that she could fix everything, she could chase away the numbness and pain and make him feel like a person instead of bundle of raw nerves again. “Please, I… I need you…”

“Speaking of pets…” Talia hummed and drew him close, tugging his hair almost gently until he exposed his throat to her so she could scent him more thoroughly. “Father _has_ been scolding me for neglecting mine.”

“…” Dick wanted to say something, maybe spew some sarcasm, but the words stuck in his throat like wet cement and the feeling of her lips grazing his jaw made him go limp and stupid.

“Do you need me, Richard? Do you want me?” She whispered into his ear in way dreadfully reminiscent of the time she had stabbed him, it triggered all sorts of alarm bells in his head and yet that still wasn’t enough to make him stop craving her like a heroin fix.

“Yes…” He admitted weakly, swallowing down a whimper.

“Then say good night. You are coming with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up- the aftermath of Dick's terrible long day, news about Jay, some tiny surprises, and a birthday. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	41. Good Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the long, terrible, no good day and the aftermath of Talia's return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, things haven't been well for me this week and it impaired my focus.

Sometimes, when things got really surreal and insane, Dick wondered how the hell he ended up where he was. During those times, everything felt like an overly vivid nightmare and all Dick could do was think in circles in an attempt to figure out where exactly everything had gone off the rails.

This was one of those times, the feeling of unreality amplified by the strange surroundings and the eerie glow of the moon tinting the darkness in cold shades of grey and blue.

It was Dick’s first time in this room. Talia’s quarters in the manor were nothing like the one in ‘Eth Alth’Eban, for one they were significantly more personal, and it occurred to Dick for the first time that it had been almost a year since he’d been in Talia’s bed. A full year. It didn’t feel like a year, time had passed so strangely, he couldn’t believe he had resisted so long.

Dick had no idea what time it was, all he knew was that it was the middle of the night and he was lying in a bed that wasn’t his own, naked and staring at the reflection in the mirror of the vanity across the room. He didn’t recognize the person looking back, the man with bed hair, empty eyes, bite marks and bruises around his throat was a complete stranger to him even though he could feel those bruises, remembered well how Talia gave them to him when his instincts got better of him and he tried to bite her.

The person in the mirror mocked him, he looked too alive, too young, too normal.

Dick’s head was swimming, he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the mockery in the mirror but the darkness behind his lids just forced him to relive his evening.

_He could still hear children whining and see them sulking when he tried to explain to them that he wasn’t leaving them, that he just needed to go with Talia for a bit and would be back soon. His feet felt heavier and heavier as he followed her like a puppy, like one of those nightmares where you want to run from your monsters but your shoes are lead. The sound of Talia’s door clicking shut behind him still rattled in his skull, it had felt much too loud and foreign in his ears, reminding Dick that this was the first time he had ever been in this particular room._

_“Come here.” Talia had beckoned him closer and Dick would have been ashamed of how fast he moved to her side if not for the way her fingers threaded into his hair and her scent wrapped around him, obliterating his line of thought._

_She didn’t even have to demand his submission, Dick couldn’t stop himself from wilting, from exposing his neck to her willingly, nor could he hide the tiny desperate sound slipped past his lips._

_“My poor, poor, Richard. So very needy…” Talia had mocked with a sharp little smile._

_“Talia, please…” Dick’s had pleaded and reached for her, he really couldn’t stand it anymore, he was willing to behave but just wanted to get it over with._

_“No heat to hide behind this time, Richard. This is all you, submissive, just like an omega should be.” She had jabbed, pushing the proverbial knife just a little deeper._

_“…” At that point, Dick wanted to fucking cry because she was utterly and completely right._

_He had to go into it clear-headed, even if he stopped all medications cold turkey right that second, it would still take days for him to lose his brain to his hormones and he couldn’t wait another minute, she was torturing him by dragging things out, reminding him that he’d have no excuse for his submission this time. Even if he had already willingly surrendered before at least he had had the excuse of not thinking straight but this time he was just too tired to deny his body what it needed._

_“I’ve been waiting for this day.” Talia admitted darkly, and he had no idea what she meant even as her hands slipped under his shirt and dragged like hot coals along his skin. “Tell me you want me, Richard.”_

_“I need you. I… I want you, alpha.” Dick conceded bleakly, it was what she wanted to hear. Too bad it wasn’t lie._

_“Good boy.” Talia had hummed, dragging him into a kiss that was all bite._

Dick opened his eyes again, the mirror was better than the dark of his memories. That was enough, if he let himself dwell on the rest… He didn’t know what would happen, or _if_ anything would happen, but he just didn’t _want_ to think of the rest.

It wasn’t that big deal, he didn’t want it to be a big deal. So what if they had sex? And as far as Dick was concerned that’s what it was because he had asked for it, he literally bitten the pillow and powered through it, hating himself when it started feeling good, losing any last shred of self-worth when he gave into the pleasure and tried to bite her… It was just sex.

_Good boy._

The words stuck in his brain like tar, he knew they would haunt him forever but he just didn’t care anymore.

Dick felt like someone had taken a melon baller to his soul and hollowed him out like a Halloween pumpkin.

He supposed he should feel filthy or ashamed for submitting to Talia but he didn’t, now that the intensity of the craving had abated he was left feeling nothing at all.

Oh, physically he felt fine, or at least better, he didn’t remember the last time he felt so… Not completely uncomfortable in his own skin. But again- Halloween pumpkin. Pretty and shiny on the outside with its fake carved smile but hollow and empty on the inside with nothing but molten wax and shadows to fill it at the end of the night; and just like a Halloween pumpkin, he was already rotting and whether the decay would end him or he would just be smashed up when he became irrelevant, he didn’t know. Not that it made a difference.

Why _should_ he feel anything? It would do him no good, as long as he behaved and kept Talia happy, she’d give him what he needed. He could do that, he could keep her happy even if what made her happy was his misery.

_Good boy._

He didn’t care who he was anymore, and he didn’t give a damn how dangerous _she_ was, he didn’t give a flying fuck about his own feelings, all that mattered was the fix, all he wanted was her poison in his veins so he could feel alive. So what if he hated her? So what if he hated himself? So what? Nothing mattered. Hell, maybe he didn’t hate her anymore, he was too tired to hate anyone. For all intents and purposes she was his mate, why should he torture himself fighting it when it was so much easier to just give in?

Dick was pretty sure he’d reached that conclusion before once upon a time but he had lost track of that as soon as life had thrown him a little bone, and now he was falling again, deeper than ever. He knew he was stuck is a depressive loop but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

_Good boy._

The sound of a small sigh had him looking away from the mirror and glancing over his shoulder. Talia was asleep behind him, her beautiful hair spilling like liquid darkness over her pillow and her bronze skin still glowing prettily in the moonlight, she looked serene and smelled like dreams come true. Too bad she was Dick’s nightmare incarnate.

Dick had never actually _slept_ next to Talia… Or he had when he was heat but he couldn’t really remember much of that (nor did he want to), the point is he had never spent a lucid night in the alpha’s bed. He was starting to think the intimacy might actually be worse than the sex.

It occurred to him that this was a golden opportunity, it would be incredibly easy to wrap his hands around Talia neck and end her, it would be even easier to snap that neck or grab one of the decorative blades off the wall and sink it into her flesh… But it would do him no good, even _if_ he was a killer (and he wasn’t, that much she couldn’t take from him) there was no point in murdering Talia in her sleep when Ra’s would just bring her back and kill him instead… Not that that last part wasn’t tempting too but he had promised the twins he wouldn’t leave them and, damn it, he was going to do at least one thing right.

It was tempting though, to take advantage of Talia’s vulnerability. The urge to bite her was so strong that it made his teeth feel tight, but that was one urge he had to keep under control- Dick might have given up on everything but he still didn’t want to bond with her completely, he couldn’t stomach that thought no matter how badly his instincts made him want it, no matter how hard he tried it in the heat of the moment. Besides, if he ever did manage to bite her back that would absolutely end with his head on a chopping block.

It was easier to behave.

_Good boy._

Nonetheless, he envied her peaceful even breathing and wished he could sleep as soundly, he had passed out at some point and couldn’t quite remember why (then again, the finger-shaped bruises on his throat were telling) but now that he had come to he was stuck staring sleeplessly at nothing and trying to be very still, lest she wake up.

“Hmm…” As if reading his thoughts, Talia turned in her sleep and draped an arm over him, pressing up to his back and murmuring sleepily and as grumpy as a child. “Go to sleep, Richard… You think too loud…”

“Sorry…” He whispered without inflection or emotion, barely audible. He didn’t even want to answer, it just came out automatically and he would have kicked himself for it if he actually cared.

_Good boy._

That answered the question he hadn’t asked though- Talia didn’t want him to leave and he wasn’t going to risk angering her just because some part of him felt unsafe, he’d rather chew off his arm than have to talk to her just yet. The irony was that the warmth of her silky skin and the possessive way she held him didn’t feel as wrong as it should, not after everything else, it had him on edge but at the same time it made him feel that maybe when he behaved Talia could be nice too (or at least not completely sadistic).

With a slow tired sigh, Dick tried to loosen his body, he wasn’t exactly tense to begin with but did his best to even his breathing and let Talia believe he was asleep as well. Her arm around him tightened a tiny fraction and then she melted into his back, slipping back into a deep sleep, the scene looked almost loving to an outsider but to Dick it was like being caught in a bear trap and there was no way he was going to able sleep like that.

It went against Dick’s hyperactive nature to be so still, but he made an effort not to move, to delay the inevitable discomfort of having to listen to Talia, to behave because it took less effort than defiance.

_Good boy._

If Dick have been a Kryptonian that damn mirror would have a been a molten pile of glass with the intense way he was staring at it, still somewhat weirded out by how foreign the reflection was, that man with the tousled hair and the vivid sapphire eyes looked nothing like what he felt, that person with bruises and a delicate arm just a shade or two darker than his own draped over his midsection looked nothing like someone as trapped as Dick felt.

It wasn’t just the reflection though, when he glanced down the line of his body there was a disconnect, not quite like numbness but like being trapped in a vehicle, something very real that he knew how to maneuver but that wasn’t a true extension of himself, rather something inorganic and cold.

Dick’s arm was stretched out limply in front of him, half dangling off the bed, and he focused on that instead, he barely felt connected to it but that wasn’t what drew his attention- a couple of bee stings still showed as small red spots on his forearm and on his palm was a faded barely-there scar from weeks before.

He tried to remember where that scar was from and the memory of cutting himself with slicing carrots came to mind, he didn’t know why but he _missed_ the feeling, it made his fingers twitch lightly as he thought about it. Dick didn’t like pain, the reason he missed it was a mystery to him, maybe it was because having to focus on something immediate and visible kept him from overthinking, maybe the sensation made him feel more connected to a body that felt less and less like his own with each passing day, maybe he wanted to have control over _something_ even that something was bleeding, or maybe it was so much simpler when the pain was physical and manageable instead of the messy writhing mass of abstract things he kept sealed shut in the back of his mind.

It was confusing to think about, hard to rationalize in the wee hours of the night, but the thought, the _urge_ was there.

He suddenly wanted to feel his skin splitting open, wanted the sharpness and the sting and the sight of crimson spilling down the creases and lines of his palm like rivers in the chiromantic roadmap of his life before dripping onto the ornate Persian carpet; he wanted the physical mark to justify the roiling mess going on in his head, just thinking about it lessened the tight knot in his chest that he hadn’t really noticed until that moment but that had been there since he woke up next to Talia.

Dick zoned out to the mental image of his own blood, rich bright red and so very alive, drip-drip-dripping down his fingertips. He let the thought consume him and take him away from the moment, let his imagination run wild around scenarios and possibilities and the wandering of thought of being caught, of having a faceless someone staunch the bleeding for him when he couldn’t bear to do it himself.

Before he knew it, everything had changed- Talia was moving slowly and making sleepy noises behind him that were barely audible and yet felt too loud; morning had arrived and the soft pale light filtered through the windows and curtains and changed the hues around him. Everything looked too bright and colorful, it almost hurt his eyes, it was like he was watching an overly gaudy and three-dimensional video game play out around him rather than real life.

Dick didn’t care enough to pretend to be asleep, he didn’t even bother to turn, just lay there and let Talia wake up on her own. He felt the bed shift as she sat up, heard her yawn and hum as she stretched, felt her fingertips glide up his shoulder and then thread into his hair, and his only reaction to it all was that his eyes fluttered closed at the touch, not out of pleasure but because the contact jolted him slightly back to reality, like being forcefully shoved back into his own body.

“Good morning, little robin.” Talia hummed the words pleasantly.

“Don’t.” Dick snapped, shaken by the nickname. She had _no right_ to use that name, not the name his mother called him with love or that Bruce called him with trust and respect. “Don’t call me that.”

“Ah, but it is so nostalgic, is it not?” Talia chuckled, she then leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek, not affectionate but fully mocking. Apparently, she was in a good mood.

Dick wanted to shove her away but he didn’t, he grit his teeth and sat up quietly instead. He didn’t answer her either, Talia was referring to when they first met many years before when he was still Robin, both of them abductees, bait that Ra’s used to endear himself to Bruce and to test Batman with. Dick hadn’t felt any animosity towards her back then, he had actually found her interesting and thought she was kind of nice and just a pawn in her father’s games. God, teenage Dick had been a real fucking idiot.

From the corner of his eye he watched the alpha get up and throw on a silk robe before she disappeared into the bathroom, all the while he just sat there, hollow and awkward, trying to do figure out what was expected of him. Was it time for a walk of shame back to his room or did Talia expect him to stay and talk about all the things she surely wanted to know but hadn’t prioritized the night before?

He ended up waiting for her cue, like a _good fucking boy_.

“So, Richard…” Talia’s disembodied voice reached him over the sound of running water from the bathroom after a dreadfully long time. “You never did tell me how you managed to stay so well.”

“You and I have different definitions of ‘well’.” Dick replied flatly, the bitterness coming out more strongly than it actually felt.

“I still want to know.” She spoke over the sharp sound of the water being shut off and muffled rustling of a towel being used, it was as if they were discussing breakfast arrangements. “Between the quiet room and my claim, I am surprised you were even coherent when I arrived.”

“Surprised or disappointed?” Dick shot back.

Talia reappeared in the doorway then, a small smile upturning her lips as she combed her hands through her damp hair. “Oh, darling, do you truly think me so cruel?”

“Yes.” He replied without hesitation.

She laughed as she made her way back to the bed, picking up a wooden hairbrush from her bedside table on the way. Her laugh was a pleasant sound, beautiful even, if only it hadn’t been at his expense. “Your honesty is delightfully refreshing but I am still waiting for an answer.”

“Has it occurred to you that maybe you underestimated me?” Dick grumbled, cautiously eyeing her sinuous feline movements.

“Clearly I did.” Talia was still in a good mood, now kneeling beside him and perfectly relaxed as she combed her chestnut waves. “Now, be a good boy and tell the truth. How did you do it?”

“Maybe if you tell me _why_.” Dick couldn’t take eyes off the exposed curve of her neck as she ran the brush through her hair, her legs were exposed and her cleavage was on full display as the robe slipped off her shoulder but all he could see was that frail delicate curve of her throat. He curled his hands into fists to hide the trembling that assaulted him at sight. “Is torturing me really worth it? I thought you wanted me focused on training the kids.”

“Tt. Richard, I have told you before, you bring punishment onto yourself. If you just behaved, I would not have to hurt you.” Talia tapped the brush on his thigh almost playfully and then returned to her task.

“Bullshit. You love making me suffer.” He knew she did, he knew Talia was still resentful that Bruce had chosen him and not her, he knew that hurting him was Talia’s sick little way of venting, her slow revenge and something she took pleasure from.

Talia paused and reached out to cup his jaw, it was not loving but patronizing, she pinched slightly to force him to make eye contact and pat his cheek twice a little too hard, just enough to sting, as if she was smacking some sense into him.

“Do not be so self-centered, I was not absent to torture you. I had other matters in my hands and I trusted you to be strong enough to uphold your duties.”

“And I did.” Dick didn’t even flinch, but he didn’t fight it either.

Talia looked into his eyes for a long moment, accessing him silently, she didn’t stop looking at him but when she was satisfied she let go and returned to her hair brushing, humming contemplatively.

“You did, I have heard some troubling tales but you still exceeded my expectations.” She nodded, somehow sounding both pleased and disappointed all once, and rapidly turning serious. “Now tell me how.”

Dick finally looked away, physically turning his head away from her gaze. He didn’t want to answer, he was afraid of what she’d do if she knew- would she take away the meds? Would she restrict his access to the infirmary? What if she found out about Ghost? Would that give her another reason to make Dick suffer?

“Richard… _Tell me_.” Talia sounded perfectly composed but her patience had clearly run out seeing as the low husky sharpness of the order came out in her distinct alpha voice. Dick hadn’t heard that voice in months and it was rather ironic that she used it for this when she hadn’t needed it at all the night before, Dick wondered what that said about him.

The alpha command rattled and flashed in his skull like a pinball machine and it took everything he had not to blurt out the answer out of pure instinct, he had to bite down on his lip until he tasted copper just so he could parse out his answer and chose his words carefully.

“Medication. Doesn’t help the physical stuff very much anymore but keeps my head clear.”

“See? Was that so hard?” Talia smiled, even more condescending than before. “Now, who gave you this medication?”

“It’s not like the infirmary is off-limits.” Dick grumbled again, gaze lowered. Like hell was he going to let he know anyone helped him.

“True.” She conceded reluctantly and tossed back her shiny hair before facing him again. “You must understand my concerns, Richard. You have always had this enviable little talent to inspire loyalty and I would hate to have to dispose of another underling due to insubordination, good help is hard to come by.”

Dick knew Talia wasn’t speaking lightly, he still remembered Imani, still kept her dagger safely by his bed; he remembered Samir being injured just for speaking in his defense too, he remembered Damian crying because or Talia, he remember Cosmo being scared into compliance. All in all, Talia wouldn’t hesitate to kill just to prove a point, or maybe even just out of mild annoyance, and anyone that sided with Dick over her was annoying enough to warrant a knife to the throat.

“Don’t worry, everyone got that memo.” The reply came out a lot more bitter than intended but Dick figured that helped sell his almost-lie.

“We shall see, will we not?” Talia wasn’t quite smiling, it was more like a tiny knowing sneer, as she moved closer and ran her hand through his hair once again, he hated that he leaned into the touch so easily. “It is good to see you behaving.”

“No reason not to…” Dick murmured tiredly, eyes closing with a sigh leaving his lips.

Her simple touch made his skin tingle, pins and needles and hot sparkles erupting like in goosebumps all over his flesh, ever since she arrived it was like every affectionate touch from her woke his body up from an icy hibernation. It felt amazing, it felt electric, it was pure undiluted relief.

Dick hated it.

It was a high and he was a junkie. The more she made him feel, the more alive and human and satisfied his body became, the more hollowed out he felt. Dick wanted to feel ashamed for it but didn’t have the strength to summon that much emotion, there was just emptiness and exhaustion with an echoing pang of hatred.

Talia didn’t seem to notice any of his inner turmoil, she eventually let go and moved to her vanity. She took her time braiding her hair and then selected a jar of what appeared to be face cream and casually began massaging it into her skin while she watched his silent reflection staring blankly at her in the mirror.

As hollow as he felt, now that they had started talking he was itching to ask what he should have the moment she returned but something stopped him, he didn’t know what, it just an unpleasant reluctance twisting under his ribs at the thought of possibly annoying or defying her, it was just too tiresome.

“You are dying to ask, are you not?” Talia gave a knowing little chuckle, probably eavesdropping on his emotions as usual. “Go on.”

Her permission felt like a key turning in a lock, Dick didn’t understand the feeling but it was all it took to get him talking.

“Where’s Jason?” The question came out more anxious and sudden than he ever intended it to be.

“Somewhere in Eastern Europe for a little while longer. He is such a fascinating boy, so much potential but so full of rage.” Talia shook her head and smiled fondly.

“What did you do to him?” He didn’t trust that smile, not one bit.

“I gave him all he wanted but, alas, the Pit has its side effects and poor Jason needed a goal, an outlet, so I am helping him.” Talia opened her vanity drawer and selected her makeup as she spoke.

“Helping how?”

“Any way he needs.” Talia waved a hand dismissively. “If you remember correctly you declined my offer to have you trained more thoroughly with the best masters, he did not.”

Dick did remember, Talia saw his skills in ‘Eth ‘Alth’Eban and suggested having him trained by poison experts, bombers, sharpshooters and all sorts of other terrorists to shape him into a perfect assassin and when Dick said no, the idea stuck with her anyway, he assumed she wanted to use it on Damian but now…

“So he’s your pet project now? A shiny new toy for your use?” He wanted to be angry, he really did, he tried to sound accusatory, but he couldn’t muster the outrage, instead he was just relieved that Jason wasn’t being harmed or tortured.

“Oh, Richard, are you jealous?” Talia misread his mixed feelings and turned to him, abandoning the makeup brush in her hand. “All I have done is give Jason exactly what he wants. Money, resources, anything he needs. He is free do with it what he pleases, he is free to leave whenever he wishes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Talia smiled, easy and condescending, before turning back to her mirror. “And I do not care what you believe.”

Dick couldn’t help but stare at her flawless neck, it had been exposed when she turned and her plait rested over her shoulder. God, she drove him insane but he still wanted to sink his teeth into her, had vivid daydreams about it at the worst possible times. He sighed, forced himself to look away and ran a tired hand through his hair, defeated. He had no reply for her but he did have questions about something else.

“What’s the goal? What exactly is working towards? Joining the League of Assassins?”

“You know, we are more commonly known as League of Shadows nowadays.” Talia said it as an afterthought, too busy powdering her makeup in place.

“I don’t care. Answer the question.” Dick demanded and then, because something terribly uncomfortable and panicky twisted inside him, he added softly- “…Please.”

Talia glanced at him through the mirror for a moment and then focused on dusting eyeshadow on her lids. “He has his plans, they are not mine to share.”

Dick bit his tongue again to shut himself up, he wanted to keep insisting… Except, no, he didn’t, he didn’t have the strength to be stubborn at the moment, he needed to know what was happening but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to care and he wasn’t going to risk an argument by needling for information that Talia was never going to give.

He was watching Talia intently without actually seeing anything, his mind was wandering again, tripping on hypothetical scenarios of what Jason might be doing. Didn’t he care about Dick? Didn’t Jason want to see him again? Had Talia’s favors really been enough for Jason to give up on Dick and abandon him? No, he didn’t believe that, he _couldn’t_ believe it. Jason was either still recovering from the Pit or he had something planned. Dick _needed_ to believe that…

“I hear the White Ghost has been helping train the boys as well.” Talia suddenly broke the agonizing silence and Dick felt his blood freeze into slush in his veins.

“He… Yes.” Dick responded, very cautiously, ever muscle in his body going rigid and tense. No point in lying, too many witnesses.

Why had Talia brought this up? Did she know something? Was she testing him? It felt like she was testing him.

“Excellent. He shall be a good influence on them, his skills with the sword are unparalleled. He trained me after all.” Talia waved a different makeup brush for emphasis, she wasn’t even looking at him but he felt like she was peeling back him skin to see the secrets beneath.

Dick said nothing. The barest hint of relief warmed his blood but it was very short lived.

“I hear he has been sparring with you as well.” Talia’s easy words slammed into him like a wrecking ball, knocking the air out of him, and Dick had to clench his jaw and dig his nails into his thighs just to keep his ‘deer in the headlights’ expression to a minimum while she kept talking. “I find that surprising. He does not interact with others and he does not know how to hold back.”

Dick panicked, unable to stop himself from fidgeting and too tense to so much as make his tongue work to answer. She had to be feeling it, had to be picking up on the way his heart was trying to drum a hole out of his chest, and sure enough, Talia paused her grooming to look at him, reading something in his expression while he tried not to chip his teeth with how hard he was trying to keep his mouth shut.

She smiled and Dick felt his heart stutter in all the worst ways.

“I know. He is terribly intimidating, is he not?” Talia gave a little chuckle. “But you are still alive and well, so I assume you are evenly matched. I’m impressed, Richard, but I always knew you were skilled, I wouldn’t let you train my sons otherwise.”

Dick still said nothing.

She had made the wrong assumption. Or maybe she was messing with him. He didn’t know whether to start breathing again or brace himself for more. He didn’t know what to say, he was too afraid that he would slip up- a wrong word, a wrong tone, he felt like just saying Ghost’s name in front of Talia might be dangerous. He couldn’t risk it, couldn’t let Talia know he so much as gave Ghost a passing thought.

Talia didn’t seem to care, she was now focused on applying her eyeliner and making sure the black lines were sharper than daggers. It brought out the green in her hazel eyes, made them look almost inhumanly beautiful.

The silence was becoming suffocating, Dick knew he wasn’t going to get more information of her and he didn’t want to slip up and give her any more either. And, honestly, between the dread and her hypnotic scent he was getting a little stupid all over again, if he stayed there much longer he was going to say or do something he’d kick himself for later.

“Can I go now?” The kids would be up soon and that was as good an excuse as any for his escape.

“You are the one who begged to be here, stay a little longer.” Talia plucked something from the vanity drawer and then stared at him through the mirror again, her expression hardening just a touch. “You know, Richard, you could be a little more grateful.”

“Grateful?” Dick frowned. Surely, she was joking.

“Yes, grateful.” Talia nodded as she put on a pair of earrings. “I understand that you did not want to be here but you must get over your stubbornness eventually and start paying your dues.”

“My dues.” He repeated vacantly, still trying to process what she was saying.

“Yes. Think about it, Richard.” Talia paused briefly to apply an immaculate coat of cinnamon lipstick before she finally faced him once more. “How many times have I let you live despite your rebelliousness and belligerence? I waste my time helping you with your biological needs when I could just let you suffer, I made you part of my pack, an honor many would and do kill for. I keep you safe, fed, clothed and sheltered. I even let you be with my children that you love so much. You are nothing if not ungrateful.”

Dick’s mouth was hanging open through her little monologue but he snapped it shut and just stared at her, and then he couldn’t keep meeting her reproachful gaze ( _alpha was disappointed in him, angry at him_ , Bruce might had spent years teaching Dick to block out his natural instincts towards alphas but Dick could feel all that effort going down the drain). In the mirror behind Talia was reflected the face of a man that looked hurt and avoidant, almost ashamed.

That couldn’t be him, why would have that look smeared on his face? It wasn’t like he agreed with her twisted logic. Not really. Not _completely_ … So why did he feel that like each of her words was a knife sliding between his ribs?

Ok, maybe she had a point. Maybe. Just a bit.

“I…” Dick hesitated. What was he supposed to say? What was the right thing to say? What could he do to avoid having this escalate into a fight? Every time they fought, he always lost, more often than not he bled, he was tired of that. He was just… so tired of fighting. “I’m sorry.”

Dick’s knees drew up to his chest and dragged the bedsheet with them as he folded in on himself, he couldn’t look at Talia’s face but he didn’t take his eyes off her either, what was the point of protective posture if he couldn’t see a blow coming? And it was a protective stance, Talia had been far too easygoing and sweet with him since her arrival, she had been far too _nice_ , and now she sounded like she _might_ get angry and his frayed nerves couldn’t handle the backlash.

However, Talia seemed pleased with his reply, she looked positively elated by his reaction as she stood in an elegant swoop and joined him on the bed.

She sat much too close, her scent was rapidly changing into something so reassuring and sweet that it was once again obliterating his line of thought. She ran a hand gently, comfortingly, down the curve of his spine and leaned close to place to kiss to cheek, one that was not as condescending as the others, it felt like genuine affection for a change and he knew, even without looking at the mirror, that it would leave lipstick imprint on his skin. He didn’t dare wipe it off in front of her.

“I am so glad you are beginning to understand.” She practically cooed, pressing her nose and cheek lightly to his hair and in a downward caress towards the nape of his neck, subtly scent marking him. “Good boy.”

There were those words again, like tar sticking to the inside of his skull and tainting his every cell. _Good boy._

And yet… It felt ok. It almost felt _good_.

He still had that horrible tension coiled in his gut and keeping his nerves raw, that feeling that told him Talia couldn’t be trusted, at any moment she might change her mind and decide to hurt him, striking like a viper while his guard was down. Yes, that dread was always there but… If this was how Talia acted when he behaved, when he killed his pride and said what she wanted to hear… Well, being a good boy couldn’t be that hard, could it? He could use that, he could be obedient and pliable if it meant she was nicer, he could do it if it meant no more fighting (her or himself).

This was good thing, Dick told himself, not for him necessarily but for the kids. If he stopped antagonizing Talia she would be nicer to them, his submissiveness had already saved their pet and… And now that he thought about it… Why had he ever fought so hard against her? All it did was guaranty trauma for the boys when his stupid pride led to fights and violence. It was much better for them he if he kept Talia happy.

“Now that that is settled…” Talia still caressed up his spine and ruffled his hair. “You can wake the little loves. I expect to see them after breakfast.”

Dick nodded numbly and as soon as she stepped away and into her walk-in closet, he dragged himself out of bed, fished around for his scattered clothes and left that cursed room. It was then that he experienced the true definition of ‘walk of shame’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied, some of the stuff I mentioned were coming up were delayed.  
> Next up- some tiny surprises, a birthday, and more!
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	42. The Flying Trapeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids have a birthday and Dick gets to share a little piece of his world with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to update but season 2 of Umbrella Academy came out and for a few days that was all I could focus on (The Hargreeves are my babies, ok? Doesn't matter that they are a few hours older than me, still my babies).  
> Then a lot of new stressful developments came into my life and have been messing with my head a lot.  
> So... here's an extra long chapter to make up for the wait, and the next one should be out in a day or two as well. 
> 
> TW: I know this whole fic is basically one long trigger but this chapter in particular has some explicit self-harm close to the end. There's fluff in this too though, so I hope that softens the angst a little.

Talia would not leave them alone.

In the few days since her return Dick felt like he had become a different person, one that he still did not recognize, he couldn’t quite put his finger on what had changed but, to be fair, he didn’t really try.

Either way, Talia was always around now, she was determined to test the twins and the extent of their education; she also watched Dick like a hawk and while he hated her eyes on him, he couldn’t help but feel a strange sort of relief when she was nearby.

The morning after Talia’s arrival Dick had dragged himself back to his room under the invisible eyes of the staff and his own suffocating shame, only to discover that the kids were still asleep but Fatima was very much alert and cornered him immediately with concern in her dark eyes. It jarred him to have the beta worry, he didn’t deserve that concern, he didn’t want to talk about the night before, much less see the judgement in anyone’s eyes, so he stalked back to his room and closed the door (it didn’t lock, he was never allowed his own lock) just so he could avoid the situation in peace.

The quiet hadn’t lasted because the twins woke up just minutes later and followed his scent into the room, crawling onto the bed without preamble and latching on to him with a mix of emotions that Dick couldn’t quite figure out. Damian seemed confused and maybe even jealous but at the same time he appeared more relaxed and less grumpy when Dick smelled like Talia; Cosmo, on the other hand, was clingy and hard to read, Talia’s scent made him unwilling to communicate again but also very eager for Dick’s attention which was odd in itself.

Dick had no idea how to react or what to tell the kids so he simply focused on their routine and on carefully (and suspiciously) observing as Talia tested them in all the things they had learned while she was away.

Two days after her return, Talia demanded that the boys get a haircut. They had never really had one and Dick figured that wasn’t exactly normal for three year olds but it’s not like he had a manual for these things, and he hadn’t seen the need for it before; he had, however, noticed that in that last year their once straight wispy black hair had become much thicker, wavier thanks to the salty island air, and the longer it got the more it tended to kink sideways in way that made them look… Well, less like Bruce and more like Dick himself. He figured that was what was nagging Talia.

So, the twins got a haircut and they hated every second of it.

When Naima’s hands and scissors touched his head, Cosmo kicked and shrieked in ways that were reminiscent of Damian’s tantrums, he had to be held down and he was sobbing by the end of it, nobody was hurting him but it still broke Dick’s heart to watch the toddler struggle and cry so hard. Damian behaved a little better at first, sulking but focused on scribbling with some colored pencils, but after a few minutes having to sit still and being assaulted by the innerving noise of the scissors, he too got upset and started kicking and screaming and eventually tried to bite the beta, but at least he didn’t cry.

For the next couple of days, Cosmo would constantly run his hands through his shorn hair, fidgeting restlessly and uncomfortably in place every time he registered the change; meanwhile Damian seemed to itch all over his body long after they washed away any stray hairs, for days he kept scratching himself irritably and too hard due to the phantom sensation. However, despite the tears and the sulking, the boys were presentable, even cute, once again looking so much like miniatures of Bruce that Dick couldn’t stop the sting he felt in his eyes when he looked at them.

Dick saved locks of their hair, tied them with little bows each in a small satchel and hid them in the same spot inside the seam of his mattress where he stashed his secret camera. For a fleeting moment, he thought about writing a letter someday, something for the kids to read if they ever found his tiny treasures after he was gone. He decided it was safer not to.

Since Talia’s arrival Dick spent every night in her bed, it was her version of pampering and he just went along with it for a full week, anything to never have to feel the withdrawal again, it didn’t matter that he kept waking up feeling hollowed out afterwards.

Strangely, that emptiness felt a little more bearable when Talia gave him a word of praise or, as she was becoming fond of doing when she happened to be in a good mood, when she ran her hands up his back to massage the nape of his neck and scratch his scalp as if he were a cat. It didn’t feel safe but it felt… A little bit like victory.

Making Talia happy meant she was more pliable and nicer to both him and the kids, he had known that for a long time but his pride and principles got in the way, now he was finally learning to roll with it, too tired to keep fighting, too scared of the alternative. And maybe, just maybe, the validation from his alpha felt nice... He had forgotten what that was like, had always convinced himself he didn’t need it.

Talia had come bearing gifts too. A week after her return Talia revealed that she had brought all the things Dick had reluctantly requested of Ra’s and she was pleased enough with her assessment of Dick and the boys to finally allow them to have it all.

It happened on the day the twins turned three.

The night before had been the first all week where Talia didn’t demand Dick’s presence in her bed and he felt equal parts relieved and stressed out over the apparent rejection, which is why he spent most of the night in the kitchen. Dick still wasn’t much of cook at all but for the kids he’d become decent at baking, cakes and cookies mostly, he couldn’t make anything more complex than that but it was enough to keep them happy.

He made a citrus cake with some of the tangerines the kids had picked, it wasn’t very pretty but it tasted sweet and fluffy and that was all he needed for a birthday cake. While the dough cooked in the oven, Dick found himself with free time for the first time in a while so he drained two thirds of a wine bottle all on his own, it made him feel floaty enough not to obsess over why Talia suddenly didn’t want him that evening but he also discovered that it didn’t help as much as he had hoped- getting drunk wasn’t any fun alone, it helped him not to think or stress for a little bit but it didn’t last long enough and tended to depress him.

Getting the cake out of the oven and onto a plate while fairly tipsy earned him a nasty burn to his forearm and, oddly, that made him feel better than the wine. He was just too lightheaded to figure out why.

He set the cake aside somewhere he knew nobody would touch and went to bed in a daze only to be woken a few hours later by Fatima at Talia’s request. Even hungover and tired, Dick managed to do the morning routine in record time- the kids were clean, dressed, fed and standing in front of the staircase a good five minutes before Talia showed up, a fact that pleased the alpha enough that she pretended not to notice the state Dick was in.

They were led through the manor towards the last place Dick expected- the underground levels.

It made him nervous, he wasn’t technically allowed down there and the only two times he’d been taken below ground level didn’t come with nice memories- one was when he saw Jason, scarred and catatonic, for the first time and was forced to slap him, and the other was the quiet room. So Dick couldn’t help but tense and hold on too tightly to the boys as Talia led the way down stairs and an elevator and then towards a room that nearly made Dick loose all control over his legs with how much it surprised him.

Calling it a room was an understatement- it was an underground pavilion similar to the one he’d see Jason in (down to the mirrored glass observation widow high up in the wall) but larger. The ceiling was a good hundred feet up with a maze of beams and railings, one of the walls was just raw stone, harsh and jutting like a rock-climbing wall and reminding Dick so much of the bat cave that he had dejá vu, another wall was lined with lockers, ropes, grappling hooks, weapons and accessories, the floors were padded with training mats and there was gymnastic equipment strewn around with emphasis on a massive trampoline and giant rubber balls.

Dick didn’t really care about any of it though, what had his full attention, what made him forget his throbbing headache and let go of the kids’ hands and stare in awe was what over them- there was a wide retractable elastic net that canopied the whole space and from the ceiling beams hung two trapezes and silk ropes.

A smile bloomed on Dick’s face almost instantly and he couldn’t wipe it off if he tried, even as he looked at Talia he still couldn’t hide the disbelieving smile.

Talia smiled as well, knowing and smug, and stepped up to him, her hand ghosting up his spine to rub gently on the nape of his neck. “You see, Richard? I can be nice when you earn it.” She planted a little kiss on his cheek and Dick didn’t even flinch that time.

“I…” He hesitated, wanting to argue but too stunned to think of a barb. Dick couldn’t trust this generosity, but it _was_ still generosity and he knew the smartest thing to do was tell her what she wanted to hear. “Thank you, Talia.”

“Go on, entertain the little ones. It is a special day and they are yours for the morning.” Talia’s dangerous little smile never faltered even as she turned to leave.

“Just the morning?” Dick asked with his smile dimming into a disappointed scowl.

“I have plans for them in the afternoon.” Talia waved without looking at him and left with an echoing slam of the double doors that made Cosmo jump.

Dick looked down at the boy clinging to his leg and looking at nothing in particular, Cosmo didn’t seem to appreciate the new strange environment very much but Damian was already running around and exploring and touching everything like a busy little bee.

“Hey, kiddos!” Dick called out, more for Damian’s benefit than anything else, as he grabbed some gym tape off a shelf and started wrapping his hands and wrists. “Remember how we talked about the circus baba was born in? And the Flying Graysons? You want to see me fly?”

Cosmo looked up at last and Damian let go of the giant rubber ball he had been pushing around and rushed over with a glint in his eyes and repeated chants of ‘yes’. Dick grinned, he guided both kids onto trampoline with him and gave them a moment to delight in the bouncy contraption and jump around happily before he scooped Damian up and jumped himself.

He could have taken the ladder but what was the fun in that? A few leaps later and he had enough height and momentum to just fling the boy right onto the safety net, Damian shrieked with delight as he soared through the air and landed with a happy bounce and repeated demands of “Again! Again!”.

Dick had no idea why small kids enjoyed getting tossed around to much, it was the opposite of self-preservation instinct, but it made Damian laugh so hard and Dick couldn’t deny him that.

He didn’t toss Cosmo the same way, both kids were finicky about being touched but Damian didn’t mind if it was Dick and was as much of a little daredevil as his parents; Cosmo, on the other hand, wasn’t so keen on abrupt movements so Dick opened his arms until the boy came to him, he hugged the kid protectively to his chest and then jumped until he had enough momentum to somersault onto the net as well before letting Cosmo go. 

The kids jostled the net, unable to get find their balance or get used to the wobbly surface but giggling like crazy until they finally plopped down. Their laughter was infectious, and Dick felt warm all the way down to his soul for the first time in a long time. Once both boys were safely situated, Dick started the climb up to the rafters.

Standing up high was liberating, it wasn’t nearly as high up as a Gotham skyscraper, it wasn’t even as high as a big top but it was damn close and Dick could almost forget he was underground when he had such a void to leap into, temptation and adrenaline surging through his veins like liquid life. His mother used to call it _‘l’appel du vide’_ , ‘the call of the void’, the exhilarating instinct to dive into danger that most humans spent their lives suppressing and yet the one Dick embraced with every fiber of his being, the one that gave birth to Robin and Nightwing in the first place.

Holding a trapeze bar in his hands gave Dick a comforting sensation that he hadn’t felt in years. It was like coming home, like his whole body was a magnetic puzzle piece drawn into its warm familiar place, it was like breathing for the first time after drowning for so long, and it was more than just nostalgia- he had forgotten he could feel so real, so in touch with himself, he didn’t remember the last time something felt so right and so natural.

Dick waved at the two little boys so far down beneath him, they were both sprawled out on the net, looking up and waving back, Damian with plenty of impatient and excited energy and Cosmo seemed to be copying his brother automatically but he was also staring at Dick with unusual focus.

The first leap was jarring, the pull of gravity jostled the loose parts of his soul back into place as his body moved on its own accord, guided by old instincts and the familiar rush of air around his body.

His mind went mostly blank, not like it did when he spent the night in Talia’s arms but with simple peaceful clarity, the easiness of not having to think rather than the desire to avoid thinking. The only thing on his mind was the instinctual math needed to fling himself into a spin and latch onto the other bar.

There were no spotlights, no bright colors, no roaring crowd, no loud ringleader, no scent of snacks and animals, no leotards and glitter, none of the things he associated with the circus; there were also no chirping bats, no cave chill and dim lighting, no dinosaur statue or giant penny, no glow of the massive bat-computer and no hum of the bat-mobile, none of the things that reminded him of the cave, or even of the Titans tower. But what was there was far more important- the faint clapping of little hands, the excited squealing of small children and the faux freedom of soaring through the air.

Dick pulled his whole body taut in a perfect straight line and spun completely around the bar of the trapeze, gaining momentum to let go and launch himself through the air for triple pike, ending in a half-twist just in time to grab the other trapeze bar, narrowly avoiding a fall and swinging back into motion. The kids shouted in the delight, clapping their little hands enthusiastically.

With a chuckle, Dick hung by his legs from the bar, swinging upside down and smiling down at the boys, he waved again and raised his voice to be heard all the way down in the net. **_“More?”_**

 ** _“Yes!”_** Damian yelled back, much too loud, he was kicking his feet and flapping his hands as if he just couldn’t contain all the excitement in his tiny body. Next to him, Como was chewing on the collar of his shirt and clapping his hands nonstop.

“You know what this is called, kiddos?” Dick asked, even as he executed an elegant forward flip, ending in an aerial split as he latched on to the other bar. “This is a trapeze.”

 ** _“Like the song?”_** Damian shouted again, still louder than necessary; they were far away but the whole pavilion had very good acoustics.

 ** _“Exactly like the song.”_** Dick laughed, honest and joyful in a way that was entirely Nightwing.

To emphasize his reply he started to sing the chorus of ‘The Flying Trapeze’ as he threw himself into a double side aerial flip, cartwheeling through the nothingness, and continued singing as he hoisted himself into a sitting position on the bar and moved like a child on a swing. When Dick reached the end of his second chorus and finally stood balanced on the bar and gave the kids a little bow, both boys staring up at him in absolute awe, kicking and clapping enthusiastically, he knew those looks on their faces so well and they flooded him with pride and affection.

 ** _“I’ll teach you, ok? Some day you’ll fly as well as me.”_** Dick promised and watched Damian brighten up more and try to sit up while Cosmo made grabby hands up at his father.

Dick continued to entertain them with all the moves he missed so much, he’d break into song occasionally and Damian had actually tried to join in on the singing at least once. A shimmering sheen of sweat started to dew all over Dick’s body, despite the tape his hands kept slipping a little too much on the bar, his joints were screaming from the lack of warm-up and the burn on his arm stung and pulled whenever he swung, but Dick still couldn’t stop grinning and laughing, it was all so worth it.

Eventually, Dick jumped off the trapeze and onto one of the ropes, he tangled the black thread around his body and decided he could play with this too. Sure, it wasn’t the smooth rippling swaths of silk they used at Haly’s for aerial dancing but Dick could improvise, the kids would probably enjoy that too… But that was a show for another day, for the time being he used all his considerable upper body strength to pull himself parallel to the ground and roll the rope safely around his torso over and over and over again before simply letting go.

He spun, rolling on his way down the rope in a dizzying drop that stopped just shy of the net with his leg still tangled around the black thread and his whole body just hanging from it as he gave the kids a grin and watched them stumble and wobble around to get to him, awkwardly hugging his upside form.

“Happy birthday, little bats.” Dick pulled himself upright, hanging onto the rope by his legs, and dragged both children into a hug, nuzzling their cheeks and smothering them in little kisses all over their faces.

Both kids tried to escape the kisses and squirmed in his too tight hug but Cosmo was giving off the scent of happy pup in waves and Damian’s struggling was half-hearted and filled with giggles.

“How old are you now? Twenty-one?” Dick joked, bopping his nose against Damian’s.

The older twin scrunched up his nose and pouted. “No, baba! Two…” The boy paused, thinking, and then lifted up three fingers. “Three?”

“Yup, that many already.” Dick never stopped smiling, even as he acknowledged that the odds of him having another three years with his babies were next to nil, he buried that thought deep and clung to his momentary joy, then he leaned in to peck another kiss onto Damian’s cheek. **_“Did you like daddy’s flying?”_**

Damian nodded enthusiastically, still squirming because he was just too hyped up to stay still. Cosmo was always fidgety himself but at the moment he was surprisingly still and merely raised a hand to sign the word for ‘more’.

 ** _“Who wants to go up the ropes with me?”_** Dick grinned and Damian immediately grabbed onto the rope like a little monkey and Cosmo didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Dick’s neck.

Dick chuckled and tugged another rope closer. He let Cosmo latch onto his body like an octopus and helped Damian tangle his little leg in the second rope and coached him on how to climb (with a boost from Dick himself), they had done this many times before in the dojo so it wasn’t all that hard to climb a few yards, just enough for the height to be daunting for the toddlers and for Dick to show off his flexibility and shape himself around the ropes enough for the kids to perch on him and try their own little clumsy tricks and twists.

At some point Dick had a leg tangled in each rope, holding a perfect split in mid-air with only one hand on the ropes to keep him steady because while Cosmo just happy hanging from one of his legs, Damian wouldn’t stay still and was climbing up Dick’s torso like a tree and trying to hang upside down so Dick had to use one hand to support the giggling kid’s back too.

They kept messing around and playing until the slightly screech of the double doors caught Dick’s attention- Samir was standing at the entrance and waved before tapping his wrist, indicating that it was lunch time. He was staring at them though and from so far away Dick couldn’t tell what expression was on the other omega’s face.

 ** _“Time to head down, boys.”_** Dick announced and Damian immediately started pouting and whining, both kids clung tighter to their father, refusing to go down, so he had to negotiate. “Hey, Dami? Remember what I taught you about falling? Tuck and roll?” Dick watched a confused Damian nod, he smiled at the boy and pointed down. **_“Want to jump? The net will catch you, I promise.”_**

Damian nodded and Dick helped the boy jump down, for a three year old he had impressive motor skills and even did a little flip before rolling onto the net, they were just high enough for the elastic mesh to sink and bounce, tossing the laughing child back up into the air a couple of times.

 ** _“Well done, Dami! You’re going to be better than me someday.”_** Dick chuckled, he untangled himself from the ropes and held Cosmo securely, ready to jump down as well, but before he could, the younger twin started to wiggle out of his grip and pointed down insistently.

 ** _“You want to jump too?”_** He asked, skeptically, Cosmo wasn’t nearly as nimble as Damian. The boy didn’t really reply, just kept whining and trying to get free until Dick finally relented and let him jump a lot more carefully.

Cosmo landed with surprising grace and far less fanfare than his brother but he squeaked happily when Damian pounced on him before he could get his balance back on the net, they rolled around together with just enough energy to be considered roughhousing and Dick watched them dreamily for a little while, wishing he had thought to bring the camera. He heard Samir whistle and realized he was getting sidetracked.

Without further ado, Dick leaped, he rotated through the air and then just allowed himself to drop onto the net, causing the twins bounce along with him. It took a little hobbling and struggling to catch the hyperactive toddlers but eventually Dick had them both in his arms and was able to finally vault off the net and back onto solid ground.

Dick knew he’d have a little rope burn later and his whole body ached but in a good way, he was so high off the joy of flying that he didn’t even worry about what Talia had planned for the kids that afternoon.

Samir grinned at him and beckoned at the mirrored glass. **“I was watching. That was very...”**

 **“Impressive?”** Dick suggested with a smirk. **“Graceful? Entertaining?”**

 **“Hot.”** Samir corrected with lecherous little leer and an arm around Dick’s shoulders.

Dick just laughed at that, it didn’t even bother him that as soon as they were out the door, there were guards guiding them to the elevator and back to the manor proper.

Lunch was livelier than usual, Dick wasn’t sure if it was because the boys were still so excited or if it was his own good mood making him see things in a different light but all that mattered was that the kids were happy. He didn’t complain or scold when Damian got tikka sauce all over his clothes, or when Cosmo kept trying to push his food onto his brother’s plate, Dick even encouraged the constant babble about the morning that made lunch go by much slower than necessary.

When he brought out the cake, Dick made sure to point out that it was made with the tangerines, he wanted the kids to know they had contributed, loved to see the way Damian puffed up with pride.

The birthday song was sung (mostly on Dick’s part because he’d be damned if anyone took this tradition from him) and the kids blew out three candles, or more accurately, Damian blew out the candles while Cosmo just leaned in with his brother and then proceeded to try to chew on one of said candles until Dick took it away and handed him a piece of fluffy cake with sweet sticky glaze instead.

They all enjoyed the cake which made Dick rather proud of himself, it was the first time he made one so well without any help whatsoever (he wished he could show Alfred). He wasn’t even upset when Damian asked if he and Cosmo could give some to Talia too, he just shrugged and said it was their cake and they could do what they wanted with it.

After lunch, Dick got both kids cleaned up. Normally they would nap for a bit but Talia wanted to see them and she showed up just as Dick was finishing changing the boys into clean shirts, she ordered the twins to come with her, smiling that smug smile that made her look supremely confident and, oh, so beautiful.

He only started to get nervous when she told him to stay put, when she said this was only for her and the boys; he didn’t want to let them out of his sight but Talia kissed his cheek condescendingly and told him he could come pick them up from her room before dinner so he relented, he kneeled to nuzzle each child and told them to behave before they walked out the door with the alpha.

The first few hours without the kids were restless, he considered tidying up the kid’s room but Naima had already done that, then he thought about going down to the dojo to train and use up some of the energy he had built up all morning but without the kids or ghost to spar with his mind wandered and he found himself on the beach instead, it was a fairly warm day and he ended up just walking and looking out at the infinite expanse of the ocean.

Dick discovered very quickly that having time alone was not a good thing for him, as soon as the excitement and momentary joy of the morning faded, his mood dropped so radically that it made him sick. He started to feel mildly disconnected from his body again, without distractions he began to overthink and worry, without the responsibility of watching the kids he grew paranoid and didn’t know what his purpose was or what was expected of him, which in turn ramped up his anxiety disproportionately (if he wasn’t useful then why was even still alive). It only took 3 hours for him settle into a sense of dread and impending doom.

The morning had been too good to be true, the whole week had been too easy (Dick wouldn’t call sharing a bed with Talia while stone cold sober easy but that was a separate matter that he pointedly wouldn’t think about), now Talia was alone with his kids and Dick was just expecting the other shoe to drop.

The anxiety got the better of him, Dick didn’t even notice he was slowly digging his nails into the burn on his arm until he realized the pain was calming him down. He didn’t really think about what he was doing as he clawed at the injury more and more with each passing minute until the skin was raw and there was blood smeared messily on his hands and imbedded under his nails, he could feel the sting and it felt centering rather than bad, it anchored him to his body and blanked out his thoughts for a little while.

When Dick finally stopped, a part of him told him he should feel stupid for the self-harm but he found that he didn’t care about that logical voice. So, what if it was stupid? It helped, that’s all he really cared about.

It made him stop overthinking, it made him focus on physical pain and that was a whole lot easier to understand than the abstract monsters crammed inside his skull and wrapped tight inside his chest, it felt almost like having a micro-dose of sedatives flooded into his system. So what if it wasn’t healthy? What in his life _was_ healthy anymore?

He washed up most of the tacky red smears with sea water and then returned to the manor feeling numb but surprisingly calm. He bandaged up the injury and was pleased that it still stung when touched or when he moved a certain way, he was glad that the ache would last. Dick then shrugged on a clean shirt and headed to Talia’s room, it was still early but he could wait outside her door if he had to.

Sitting out in the corridor with his leg bouncing restlessly, Dick could faintly hear the sound of Talia and Damian’s voices, he couldn’t understand any words but the tones were casual enough that the relaxed, still feeling pretty dazed. He also heard the clack of wood snapping together and he knew that sound too from sword training with the kids.

The sun was setting when he heard a thump and Damian’s annoyed and very loud voice, then he heard Talia’s stern lecture tone for a while before things went quiet for a second and then Talia was speaking again but obviously not to Damian. Dick heard the sounds of both children running around, the shift in Talia’s tone and the way her voice moved away from them and closer to the door, she was having a one-sided conversation so she was probably on a phone or a commlink with someone, he had seen that sort of tech around her room but it was all biometrically locked to her prints and voice.

Dick waited until she stopped talking altogether. In another life he would have considered snooping to figure out what she was up to or if he could use whatever tech she had to contact the outside world; as it was, the thought barely breezed past his mind, Dick just waited until everything was quiet and it was safe to knock on the door and retrieve his children. He had his hand raised to the wood when he heard giggling and Damian’s voice as well as that lighter tone Talia used when she amused.

The happy noises actually upset Dick more than anything else, he knew it was selfish of him but he just didn’t like the idea of the kids trusting Talia. So, he knocked.

The door opened a moment later to Talia’s knowing smile. She was dressed in a tight maroon jumpsuit with a blade at her waist and her hair in a perfectly messy ponytail, haloed in golden light since the doors to the balcony that led to the beach were thrown open and letting the sunset wash into the room and cast ominous shadows. Wooden swords were abandoned on the floor of said balcony.

“I was wondering when you would get tired of loitering outside my door.” Talia spoke in her most pleasant voice.

“I was just…” Dick didn’t really know what he was going to say to that but he was spared from answering by Damian running up to him in a familiar black cowl, stumbling on the too long cape.

“Look, baba, I’m a bat!” The little boy grinned widely, barely able to see through the huge holes of Batman’s cowl.

“Yes, you are, baby bat.” Dick smiled fondly at the child, then looked back at Talia with a far icier expression. “Why is he wearing that?”

“He found it in my trunk.” Talia casually waved at the gold-embossed chest at the end of the bed that was spilling items haphazardly onto the floor. “Rather poetic, isn’t it?”

“I mean, why do _you_ have it?” Dick clenched his hands into fists, trying to keep his voice even and swallow down the ball of emotion currently stuck in his throat and making his eyes sting.

Had Bruce’s cowl been there the whole time? Had that little piece of Bruce’s life been just inches away every time Dick had to lie in that bed? And, goddamn it, why did Damian had to look so cute in it? So innocent and happy and so much little a mini Bruce?

“Beloved left it with me, of course.” Talia picked Damian up and her smile grew dreamy as she lifted the cape to her face. “I see it as a token of his affection, a reminder that he has shown me all sides of himself, just as I have shown him mine.”

“Like the side that lies to him about me?” Dick spit out the words before he could stop himself and then waved at the boys. “And about them?”

Damian, still snuggled in Talia’s arms, startled at the tone and lifted his head to look between the adults in confusion. Cosmo wasn’t paying attention, he was standing over Talia’s vanity and seemed fascinated by her makeup, there were small powdery handprints on the mirrors and he was currently smearing lipstick onto his face before biting down on the plum colored tube.

“Careful, Richard. Let us not ruin a special day.” Talia warned dangerously, her scent growing a little sharper even as she gently pulled the cowl off Damian and nuzzled the boy, scenting him possessively and speaking in his ear. **“You are more than just the bat, my love. You are Damian, you are Hafid, you are the future.”**

 **“Future?”** The boy blinked, staring at Talia with curiosity.

Dick took a breath and bit his tongue, he wasn’t going to ruin the kid’s birthday by fighting with Talia. He left her to whatever monologue she was surely to go into and chose to move to Cosmo’s side and start trying to pry the half-eaten lipstick from him, maybe if he let Talia talk to heart’s content he might even learn some valuable information.

 **“Like your names imply, you will be wise, you will tame this wild world. And once you tame it, you will control it, possess it, and I will show you how.”** Talia carried Damian over to the balcony, waving at the brightly colored horizon. **“Together we will build an everlasting kingdom, you as my Alexander, I as your Olympias, and if all goes as planned, your father as our king Philip.”**

Dick got the gist of what she was saying, and since Damian seemed to get it too, he assumed Talia had been telling stories about Alexander, the Great, again.

Damian seemed to be taking the information in and then he looked at Cosmo and Dick over Talia’s shoulder. **“And Boo?”**

Talia glanced back at the younger twin with an unimpressed expression, Cosmo was squirming and trying to get away as Dick tried to wipe the stubborn waxy stains from his face. **“He may have some role in our dynasty too, if that is what you desire, my love.”**

 **“And baba?”** Damian’s tone was perfectly innocent but he frowned the tiniest bit, his eyes narrowed and so did Talia’s as she considered the question.

 **“You need not concern yourself with him, little love.”** Talia caressed the boy’s hair and set him down, taking his hand and walking him back inside, she led him to the massive globe in the corner by a work desk and encouraged the boy to spin it and play with it as she continued to speak. **“A new age is dawning, and the people will see once again that giants walk among them… Giants destined to carry out a divine mission. That mission is all you need to concern yourself with.”**

 **“I don’t get it…”** Damian mumbled, his hand smacked on the globe to stop it from spinning.

 **“You will. Remember what I told you, Damian.”** Talia crouched down to the boy’s level. **“There is only one way to rule the world, my darling son, and that is to understand the many facets of art in this life. You will immerse yourself in each and every subject and I expect nothing but complete mastery over all of them.”**

Damian frowned but nodded carefully. Dick wasn’t sure the kid really understood what Talia was asking of him.

Dick knew the Al Ghuls would never rule the world, they might pull the strings in the shadows but Bruce would never allow their thirst for power to go unchecked, he wasn’t concerned about that part, he still believed in justice. What really worried him was that Talia would have no qualms turning Damian into a tool to feed her boundless ambition, she would groom him and manipulate him, she would push him beyond humanly possible, stain him with the blood of others and try to shape him in her image and the only one there to stop it, to soften the blow, to help Damian remain a child, was Dick himself.

Dick also didn’t like how Talia dismissed Cosmo, he didn’t care that she dismissed Dick himself, it didn’t surprise him in the least, but he hated not knowing what she had planned for his youngest. Everything had a purpose with Talia after all, and if Cosmo didn’t live up to his then Dick feared what might happen to him.

To spare the kids from any more of Talia’s villainous delusions, Dick decided to speak up, voice flat and dull. “Can we go now? It’s almost dinner time.”

Talia looked at Dick and the very disgruntled Cosmo with his chin and mouth still stained in bruised colors. “You may take them to bathe and get changed but Father and I expect them for dinner in the dinning room.”

“Since when…?” Dick began to argue, the kids had never really been allowed at the dinning table with Ra’s, Talia always said they needed to learn proper manners first. However, his question was cut short by Damian.

 **“Mama?”** The boy tugged on Talia’s clothes and looked at her with a that little frown hiding how nervous he really felt. **“What if I can’t… do that?”**

 **“I assure you there will be plenty of incentive not to fail, little love.”** Talia glanced from Damian to Dick and back again before giving the boy a predatory smile and pat on the head. **“You will come to understand that there is nothing your body and mind can’t do when they work in tandem.”**

That was the end of the discussion, Talia dismissed them without another word and Dick wasted no time guiding both children back to their room and away from the conniving alpha, maybe if he tried hard enough he could still salvage the memory of this birthday as a happy one for the boys. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Most of Talia's monologue in this chapter is variation of her dialogue from the comic "Batman & Robin" volume 2 ("Pearl"). I used it and altered it much like I did in the chapter where Imani dies.  
> -There will be more small time skips now.  
> -People having been asking about Jason on tumblr, don't worry, he'll pop up soon. 
> 
> Small side note: Yes, I know this fic is just an extremely slow burn of angst and drama but that's the point, I'm exploring the effects of trauma, and I did promise a happy ending with lots of comfort for this hurt (with the occasional hiccup and backslide because recovery isn't linear). I'm still sticking to that promise. 
> 
> Another small side note: if you have Instagram do check out @jiembasands , people have been calling him the real life Dick Grayson and he practically is- he's an Australian circus acrobat, he has 7 siblings, his whole family are circus performers (he has a lot of videos performing with his father and siblings) and he has an amazing sense of humor and got famous making funny acrobatic videos (and acrobatic "fails"). I'm mentioning him because he's posted some cute videos training with his youngest little siblings and that gave me a lot of inspiration for this chapter (and others).
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	43. Tales Of One Bruce Wayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the birthday dinner and the return of a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back!  
> Sorry I didn't update for so long but life decided to kick me down and stress threw off my motivation to write. My birthday happened but also a lot of crap happened. In fact, if you want to know more or even help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> I'll try to get back my old update rhythm ASAP.

Dick had no idea how the dinner with Ra’s and Talia went, by the time he was allowed in to get the kids, it was already over, with the boys looking quiet but upset and fidgety and the adults drinking dainty cups of expresso and eating pieces of Dick’s cake (Talia complimented his baking and he gave a plastic smile in return, all the while hoping they’d choke on the cake but he kept the thought to himself).

The children were silent all the way back up to the room and Dick didn’t like that but there was always the chance that they might just be tired, they hadn’t napped after all and it had been a very long day. Normally, the kids would have a few hours after dinner to play before bed but they showed no interest no matter how much he tried to engage them so Dick decided they should turn in early.

 ** _“Did you have fun today?”_** He asked tentatively as he helped a struggling Cosmo into his pajamas, it wasn’t really what he wanted to say but he was trying to be tactful and not assume the worst.

Cosmo said nothing, he was whiny and even more fidgety than usual. Damian nodded at the question and kicked his legs impatiently from his spot on the edge of the bed but was much too quiet himself.

 ** _“Want to tell me about it, Dami?”_** Dick insisted gently, hoping to figure out what was bothering the boys.

If it had been earlier in the day, Damian would have jumped at the opportunity to ramble about everything they had been doing, the things he liked and the things he loved and those he wanted to do again. As it was, he just looked at Dick quietly for a long moment, brows knit together in that familiar expression of someone trying to do complicated math. **_“Why?”_**

 ** _“Why what, baby bat?”_** Dick wiped a little toothpaste from the corner of Damian’s mouth and tried to smile at the boy.

 ** _“You always eat with us.”_** Damian muttered, clearly unhappy.

“Oh…” So that was what was bothering them, he should have known, they probably felt like he abandoned them again. **_“I didn’t leave you, Dami. I wasn’t there tonight because Talia and Ra’s didn’t want me there. I wasn’t allowed.”_** Dick tried his best to keep the bitterness off his voice but was concerned so he ducked his head to try to catch Damian’s eyes and softly asked- **_“Did something happen at dinner?”_**

The boy went quiet again for a while, raising his arms when prompted so Dick could help him into his own pajamas, he didn’t answer and Dick didn’t know if it was because he didn’t want to or because he didn’t know how but the longer the silence dragged on the more the kid’s scowl deepened and he started to dig his little nails into his arms over and over, a sure sign of distress.

“Ok, bedtime.” Dick didn’t know what to say but he had to divert Damian’s attention.

He guided the children into bed and settled next to them, he had a couple of books and was planning on letting them pick a story to read but before he could ask, Damian crawled into his lap and buried his face in Dick’s chest, tugging at his clothes. Cosmo followed and tried to shove his whole head under Dick’s shirt.

It was obvious what they wanted and it surprised Dick because they hadn’t been this demanding about nursing in a weeks, they would want it occasionally when they needed the comfort or were particularly needy but never so forcefully anymore and not both at once. Dick didn’t mind, he would do anything they wanted, but he didn’t really have milk to give them anymore so he reluctantly tried to coach them back into bed.

“It’s time to sleep, kiddos.” Dick murmured apologetically. “You want a story?”

 ** _“No.”_** Damian pouted and pulled himself right back into Dick’s lap again with a very whiny Cosmo struggling to do the same.

Dick sighed as Damian pulled his shirt up completely and Cosmo finally squirmed his way next to his brother. “Boys, I don’t think that’s going to…”

Before Dick could finish his argument both boys were already latching on to a nipple each and sucking hard. He rolled his eyes at first, waiting for them to give up, but then he ended up hissing and having to push them away gently when they added teeth and starting kicking in frustration.

“I told you. There’s no more milk.” Dick felt sad about that himself, he was glad to have his body back to normal but he also missed the peaceful bonding moments nursing the boys, he hated not being able to give them what they wanted.

 ** _“Why?”_** Damian sounded absolutely furious at this development, and terribly cute as well.

“Because you’re big now, you don’t need it anymore.” Dick explained as tactfully as he could but apparently it was the wrong thing to say.

Damian screwed up his face, rapidly flushing a deep maroon, and Dick braced himself for the obvious temper tantrum about to ensue… But it didn’t, before Damian could start kicking and screaming up a storm, Cosmo beat him to the punch and started loudly sobbing out of the blue, which in turn startled Damian into crying too.

“Shhh… It’s ok, it’s ok.” A very distressed Dick pulled both kids into his arms and hugged them as tight as he could, rocking them gently. “I’m right here, you’re ok…”

Nothing he said really helped, both kids just sobbed inconsolably, and Dick knew this wasn’t about the nursing at all, something else must have happened to stress them out and they were too tired to hold back their frustration. The more Damian cried, he angrier he seemed to become at himself, kicking and trying to scratch at his own face and only failing to do so because Dick was holding him too tightly; meanwhile, Cosmo shoved his hand in his mouth and tried to curl in on himself as his sobs grew quieter and quieter but no less heart-wrenching.

Dick really didn’t know what to do or say, he just wanted to ask them what was wrong, he had always tried to be a good listener for everyone but the twins didn’t always know how to articulate their feelings, not just because they were so young but because they were Bruce’s kids and too much like him when it came to expressing feelings- always in extremes, either explosive and impatient, or grumpy and repressed.

Dick kept whispering comforting words and rocking both boys for so long that his arms began to ache from the effort of keeping them tucked so tightly to him but eventually the crying tapered off to exhausted sniffles. Damian hiccupped a little and still clung to Dick, his tiny nails digging into his father’s skin even through the clothes as his face stayed pressed to Dick’s collarbone, Cosmo went back to being quiet and distant, the only signs of his distress being his blotchy cheeks and aggressive chewing on his own hand that made Dick cringe so he handed the boy the closest plushie, the elephant one, and let Cosmo chew on the toy’s ear instead.

The best he could do was hold both boys in his lap and pet them softly while he hummed a lullaby and tried to sooth them by exuding the most comforting scent he could manage; luckily, since Talia had returned he had regained control of his body so controlling that sort of pheromones was something he could do again, something he had always been exceptionally good at. It seemed to work, both kids snuggled up to him and started to relax, their eyes going droopy even though they still clung to his chest.

“Baba?” Damian mumbled into Dick’s chest after a while.

“Hm?”

“We really big now?”

That got Dick to stop humming, he looked at Damian with no small amount of confusion. “What?”

“Grandfather says we’re grown now.” Damian muttered grumpily. Maybe that was why they were so unhappy that Dick had called them big, maybe Ra’s had poured a whole new world of expectations onto their shoulders that evening.

Dick sighed, he wanted to tell them to ignore Ra’s and Talia, he wanted to protect them and let them be children as long as possible, but he knew that realistically they would have to at least try to live up to the expectations of their captors, it was the only way to survive, it was the only way to avoid making everything worse.

“Doesn’t matter what he says, doesn’t matter what they make you do, you’ll always be _my_ babies.” Dick promised them, placing kisses on both their heads and squeezing them gently closer to him.

Neither kid answered, they just stayed in his lap, one on each of his thighs, and nuzzled into his calming scent. They were quiet for so long that Dick thought they had fallen asleep, he was just planning on moving them properly to lie down in bed when Damian spoke again in a tiny little voice.

“Mama says we can meet Father.”

Dick took a good five seconds to process that information, his heart constricting in his chest, he didn’t even notice he had stopped breathing until the air trapped in his lungs came out in a rush when he finally spoke.

“…She said that?” Suspicion bubbled in his veins and spilled into his every word.

“She said I got to…” Damian struggled with the words, Dick could feel the boy’s face scrunching up against his chest. “…to _earn_ it.”

“How?” He wondered what Talia was playing at this time, he knew it was just another game of manipulation and felt ashamed for the little sparkle of hope that fizzled inside him.

“I d-duel her on our birthday.” Damian struggled again, like he was trying to remember very specific words. “She said when I win, we can see Father.”

“Oh.” Dick took a quiet breath and nodded his understanding at nobody in particular. This was Talia’s attempt at incentive. **_“You want that?”_**

Damian thought about it, he started picking at Cosmo’s pajama pants absentmindedly before he finally gave a tentative nod and spoke in an even small, sadder, mumble. **_“Lost today.”_**

 ** _“It’s ok, Dami.”_** Dick murmured the words, rubbing the boy’s back tenderly. **_“If that’s what you really want, I’ll help you. I’ll teach you how to beat her.”_**

He could do that, Talia wanted him to train the kids to be warriors anyway, he could at the very least control the how and the why, he could give Damian a different purpose than whatever Talia had planned for him, he could play this game with her. After all, the Al Ghuls had a very unique sense of honor, if Talia made such a promise then she would probably follow through with it, Dick just had to make sure they all stayed alive and safe until it happened.

 ** _“Make me strong?”_** Damian asked, filled with cautious hope.

 ** _“Strong and smart and anything you want, Dami_**.” Dick nodded, kissed Damian’s forehead again and then turned his head to do the same to Cosmo. **_“You too, little prince. I’ll teach you both everything I know.”_**

It was always the plan, to teach the children all his skills, and he’d be sure they understood how to use those skills responsibly, he’d try his best to teach them the difference between right and wrong even though it was going to be tricky, he knew Talia would want them to do things that they would make them question everything he taught.

She’d want to harden them, make cold and uncaring and fueled by rage, she’d try to make them believe the League’s ways were normal, and Dick wouldn’t let any of that happen but if he didn’t play his cards right they would be confused, they might hate themselves or they might defy Talia, neither of those was an option. He’d have to teach them that whatever Talia made them do wasn’t their fault, it wasn’t even their choice, no matter what they had to do to make her proud it would be necessary for their survival and not their responsibility. Dick just hoped their young minds could understand that.

Dick was still weighing his options, trying to figure out what to do, when Damian spoke again out of the blue.

“Mama said he’s a king.”

“Who?”

“Father.” The boy yawned through the word but finally shifted enough to look at the adult.

“A king?” Dick cocked a brow at that, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Hm… Did she tell you anything else about him?

Damian shook his head, frowning. “She won’t say.”

“Did she tell you _why_ she won’t say?”

“Choose not to.” The way Damian said it, it was clear he was trying to quote Talia’s reply.

 ** _“Do you want to know? About your father?”_** Dick didn’t know if that was a safe topic but he’d be damned if he let Talia control what the kids knew about Bruce.

Damian tilted his head, looking up at Dick with a tiny bit of hopefulness in his chubby little face, he looked scared too, as if he wasn’t sure this was allowed. The boy nodded anyway.

“Ok. If anyone knows your dad, it’s me.” Dick smiled, trying to reassure the child. “What do you want to know first?”

“King?” Damian asked and Cosmo chose that moment to make his little question sign.

Dick raised his hand in the sign for the letter ‘K’ and dragged it diagonally from his chest to his hip to answer Cosmo’s question, then he looked back at Damian.

“No, he’s not really king, just a very important person.”

Before Damian could reply to that Cosmo raised his index finger and shook it to sign _“Where?”_

“Where is he?” Dick watched the kids nod and tried hard to suppress the sad sigh that wanted out at the thought of his old home. “On the other side of the world, I guess. In Gotham.”

“Why? He hate us?”

“Oh no, Dami. Of course not.” Dick shook his head vehemently. “I told you before, didn’t I? He doesn’t know where we are.”

 **“Mama doesn’t let him know.”** It wasn’t a question.

 **“Right.”** Dick nodded.

 **“She lying to him?”** Damian surprised the adult with that deduction, but Dick figured there was no point in lying.

**“Yes. Yes, she is.”**

**“Mama lying to me?”** Damian didn’t look upset, just expectant.

 **“I don’t know, Dami.”** Dick admitted, as painful as it was to crush their little hopes.

 **“What is Father like?”** The swerved the conversation so fast that Dick startled.

“He’s…” He began, pausing to think of the best way to describe Bruce. “He’s complicated. Compassionate and caring but he doesn’t know how to show it, he acts tough and mean but he’s just a big softie in here.” Dick tapped his chest over his heart and smiled, he expected talking about Bruce to be painful but instead it felt bittersweet. “He’s very strong too, a warrior and leader. And very, very, smart.”

“What’s he look like?” Damian tilted his head, curious.

“Like you and Boo, just bigger and older and whiter.” Dick chuckled at that but when Damian just frowned at the answer and stared at his brother, Dick decided to elaborate. “He’s… He’s one of the most handsome people I’ve ever met, even when he tries to be all scary looking.”

Dick paused, feeling the smile creep onto his lips unbidden. Despite how bittersweet and painful it was to talk about Bruce, it felt worth it if it meant given the boys a piece of their father, a piece that he controlled instead of Talia, the best side of Bruce.

“But that’s not why I fell in love with him,” Dick gave a little sigh, something between faraway and nostalgic that stung his eyes. “he’s one of the best men I know, even with his flaws he still just wants to save everyone.”

“Father love you too?” Damian wondered, filled with renewed interest.

“…He did.” Dick hated that he hesitated, wanted to smack himself for it. “I know he did.”

“Father love mama?” The boy wondered as well.

“I don’t know.” Dick was being honest, he really couldn’t tell what Bruce’s feeling for Talia were at the moment.

“Father love me?” Unlike what was expected, Damian sounded more curious than hopeful.

“He will when he meets you. Both of you.” Dick pulled both twins closer in a gentle hug. “I promise.”

Damian went quiet, processing all the new information, Dick could almost see the wheels turning in his tiny little head. Cosmo appeared to have lost interest long ago and was more preoccupied with chewing his toy and fidgeting quietly.

“Do you want a story about your father?” Dick offered, it hurt to think of Bruce but this was important and he knew it would make the kids happy, he knew they needed to know more.

Damian let out an excited **_yes_** , and Cosmo cuddled to his brother when Dick made them settle into bed and tucked them in, sitting over the covers and mentally preparing himself for the onslaught of feelings the story would bring.

“Ok. Once upon a time he was a little boy who lost his mother and father to a terrible crime. But instead of looking for revenge and trying to hurt the people that took his family, your father chose to protect people, he didn’t want anyone else to have to suffer and lose people like he did so he trained to be the strongest and smartest so he could fight evil…”

*

One warm October afternoon, Dick was teaching the twins balance and spatial perception on the trampoline by teaching them to do all sorts of simple flips and simple acrobatics.

Damian couldn’t stick a landing for the life of him, but he was flawless on everything else; Cosmo _could_ stick a landing with surprising equilibrium but was slower and had more interest in mimicking his brother than learning for himself. Damian had taken Talia’s ultimatum to heart and saw the whole thing as a mission, training for a purpose, he had fun but, like his father, he was far too serious about it; Cosmo only saw it as a game.

Dick was helping them with their landings just as the shriek of the double doors caused Cosmo to cover his ears and fall on his face. Dick turned slightly and then gasped in surprise.

“Dusan!” Dick nearly dropped everything to rush to the man but caught himself at the last second, glancing up at the viewing widow, one never knew who was watching at any given time.

White Ghost approached but he too kept a safe distance from them all, he carried a canvas bag with him and gave Dick a respectful nod with the slightest hint of a smile upturning a corner of his lips; the smell of soap and fabric softener from his clothes wasn’t enough to hide the traces of old blood still clinging to his oasis and patchouli scent.

 **“Hello, Richard.”** Ghost greeted too casually. **“Hello, nephews.”**

Damian stopped bouncing and returned a serious hello, still suspicious of people that weren’t his closest caretakers. Cosmo copied his brother and stopped but said nothing and seemed more focused on the bag Ghost carried than on the man himself.

 **“I have brought you a belated birthday present.”** Ghost announced, noticing Cosmo’s staring. He reached into the bag and pulled out… a basketball.

Dick blinked, unsure if his eyes were playing tricks on him, but no, that was definitely a big orange basketball. Ghost knew Dick used to play, they had talked about it before, so he wondered if the gift was really for the children or if that was just a pretext to give Dick a piece of his old life.

The boys hopped off the trampoline and took the ball, it was bigger than their heads and they examined it closely with some confusion. Dick gave Ghost a grateful and fond look and knelt down in front of the children.

“You pass it to each other and you bounce it like this.” Dick dribbled the ball slowly, memories of playing with Wally and Roy and Vic, with Bruce even, popping up in his brain.

He’d teach them the details of the game later, it would be a good way to teach them about teams and teamwork in general, but for now he just let them run off and clumsily try to bounce the ball with both hands.

“Thank you.” Dick murmured to Ghost when he stood back up and watched the boys move out of earshot. “That was very kind of you.”

“I apologize for taking so long.” Ghost murmured back, eyeing Dick from head to toe.

“Not your fault.” Dick shrugged but kept looking at the kids, for some reason it was hard to look at Ghost and he couldn’t phantom why (pun intended).

“You look… well.” Dusan hesitated, seemed to be picking up the strange awkwardness emanating from Dick.

“Talia is home.” He replied as if that explained everything.

“I know.” Ghost gave a curt nod and examined Dick again, his eyes lingering on a bruised neck. “Has she…?”

“Fixed my withdrawal problem? Yes, thoroughly.” Dick’s response was flat, hollow like he felt whenever he woke up next to Talia, but he tried to pass it off as nothing of great importance. “She fixed everything.”

“Then why are you in bandages?” Ghost nodded pointedly at the lightly stained bandages on the younger man’s arms.

Dick immediately tried to hide the bandages under his sleeves on instinct and then realized he didn’t really care and just let them be.

“That wasn’t her. She’s been good to me.” He had no idea why he was defending Talia, no idea why he was so cold to Ghost but he couldn’t stop.

“Then why do your eyes look so dead?” Dusan moved in front of Dick to try to catch his gaze, concern written on his stern pale face. “What has she done to you?”

“Nothing I didn’t let her do.”

“Richard…” Ghost began to reach up to cup Dick’s cheek with one hand and his bandaged arm with the other. He said the name with a mix of disbelief and worry that stung, Dick didn’t know why it stung, he just knew he didn’t deserve that level of concern.

“Don’t.” He interrupted curtly and pushed Ghost’s hands away. “She’s nice to me so long as I behave, let’s leave it at that.”

“Can I see you tonight?” Ghost composed himself immediately and took a step back, eyeing the viewing window. “In the kitchen, as usual.”

“If she doesn’t call on me.” Dick finally understood why it was hard to look at Ghost despite missing him so much, why he felt a mix of guilt and self-hate all of the sudden- it was Talia, he had become hers so completely that it felt like a betrayal of Dusan.

Dick didn’t think he deserved pity or kindness when he had willingly made himself Talia’s pet; never mind that he felt like he would never be able to look Bruce in the eye again, that didn’t matter because he didn’t believe he would ever see the man again, but Ghost… Ghost was nothing but kind, he understood the dynamic at play with Talia, understood that Dick was claimed, and yet he still cared and Dick felt awful that had to force Dusan to share him with Talia.

To put it simply, he felt like a whore. 

“…Of course.” Ghost agreed with no small amount of annoyance, not at Dick but at Talia. He placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder and gave a supportive squeeze before turning on his heel and leaving the pavilion.

The twins were still trying to dribble the ball, Cosmo more than Damian because the eldest twin seemed distracted staring at Dick and a retreating Dusan with his brows knit in thought. Dick decided not to overthink it and figured it was as good a time as any to teach the kids how to play basketball, he even repurposed a waste bin to be used as a hoop.

Dick just had to stay in the moment, everything would be ok so long as he didn’t overthink, so long as the kids were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a little short but the next will make up for that. A lot of things are coming and i hope you have as much fun with them as I have writing them. 
> 
> Oh, I forgot to mention but at this point in the story Dick has long hair. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	44. The Death Of Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the things you love hurt you the most.  
> And some buried secrets are zombies waiting to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know the dumpster fire my life has been, and if you want to know help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> I'm trying something new in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Animal cruelty and death.

As it turned out, Talia didn’t want Dick’s company that night, but only because both she and Ghost were called into a meeting with Ra’s and God knows who else (a lot of people had arrived with Dusan, Dick wasn’t allowed near any of them but he recognized a few from afar).

So Dick ended up in the kitchen alone, drinking something whose name eluded him and was unimportant anyway, all that mattered is that it tasted like fire burning down his throat and had him lightheaded by the end of the first glass.

It hadn’t exactly been a bad day, teaching the twins to play basketball was the most fun Dick had had since the trapeze on their birthday; but Dick was still feeling that nagging sensation of remorse chewing at his insides whenever he thought of Ghost, not to mention the cold hole in the pit of his stomach whenever Talia ignored him…

So, he drank.

It was still no fun to drink alone, he still had no taste for alcohol, but it made it hard to think or feel anything and he really didn’t want to do either in that moment. All things considered, Dick thought it was the least destructive of his coping mechanisms, so he embraced it without the shame that usually came with… other things he did to cope.

It was almost one o’clock when Ghost showed up, just as Dick was ready to give up and go sleep off his obvious intoxication. Dusan had on his usual distant and stern expression but it softened when he saw Dick waiting, and then darkened a second later.

“Tell me that bottle was not full when you started.” Ghost eyed the more than half-empty bottle like it had personally offended him.

“A-yup.” Dick popped the ‘p’ with all the sass he could muster and took another swig from his glass. “What is this stuff anyway?”

“Aguardente.” Ghost retorted with a stilted accent of what Dick was sure was Spanish or Portuguese.

“Oh, ‘burning water’. That checks out.” Dick shrugged and tossed back the last dregs in his glass, making a face in the process.

“Richard, you should stop now. This is far from healthy.”

“Casper, that’s the whole point.” Dick chuckled, much too giddy and tipsy.

“What happened while I was away? When did you start self-destructing?” Dusan sat next to Dick and placed his hand over the younger man’s, mostly to keep Dick from reaching for the bottle again but also to trace his fingers up the bandages that covered Dick’s arm from wrist to elbow. “What has she done to you?”

“Can we not talk about your sister for five damn minutes?” Dick snapped, pulling his hand away to reach for the bottle anyway. By now the liquor seemed to have burned off his taste buds but the more he drank, the less he cared.

Dusan gave the smallest of sighs but conceded.

“So, how was your mission or whatever?” Dick poured two glasses this time, totally unaware of how much was normal for this sort of drink.

“It was eventful.” Ghost took a sip, still staring at the younger man.

“Do I want to know details?”

“No, you do not.” Ghost shook his head, grimly, but lightened a second later with a small smile blooming on his lips. “But you may be interested in the outcome.”

“What outcome?” Dick blinked blearily and confused.

“Fa-… The master is considering bringing Mara to the island.” Dusan just could not contain his smile.

“Wow, you must have really outdone yourself if he’s letting you see her.” Dick sounded impressed but it wasn’t heartfelt, he didn’t trust Ra’s’ promises.

“He is also impressed by how quickly Damian is evolving. I might have convinced him that Mara could benefit from your training as well.” Ghost’s smile turned sly and mischievous.

Dick blinked again and took a few seconds longer than necessary to process the information. “You want me to train your daughter?”

“Would you?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Ghost balked at that and his smile finally slipped as he hesitated and ended up simply saying- “…I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. I get it, you want to see her and I’m a convenient means to achieve that. I would do the same in your place.” Dick waved the hand holding the glass and took another sip, he was being earnest though, if the roles were reversed he’d manipulate and use anyone to get his boys back.

“Do you still remember our agreement?” Ghost asked and Dick had to take a minute to think through the haze of alcohol currently marinating his brain.

“Which one? The one where I make sure the twins aren’t goaded against your kid or the one where we sleep together?” He blurted out with as much sass as his slightly slurred speech allowed.

“So you _do_ remember.”

“Damian and Cosmo won’t see Mara as competition or try to hurt her, not as long as I have a say in the matter.” Dick promised, sincerely and much too lightly.

“Thank you.” Ghost placed a hand on Dick’s and smiled again, the sort of smile that could turn a person into putty and made it even harder for Dick to think. “Either way, it is not a certainty yet, it will depend on… several factors.”

“Good luck with that.” Dick’s sarcasm caused Ghost’s smile to slip again so he quickly backtracked. “I’m sorry, I’m just skeptical of Ra’s’ promises. I really do wish you luck.”

“I understand, Richard.” Dusan nodded and squeezed Dick’s hand sympathetically.

There was silence for a moment, Dick’s glass was temporarily abandoned as he tried to shake off the haziness. Ghost’s fingers drew soothing circles on the back of his hand before slipping upwards and tracing the edges of bandages.

“What happened here, Richard? Who did this?”

“I did.” Dick shrugged; he didn’t really want to have to explain why physical pain helped him cope, not when he wasn’t sure of the answer himself. “It’s no big deal.”

“Why will you not look at me?” Ghost’s question made Dick realize he really had been avoiding eye contact, he had barely noticed with all the shame and booze in the way.

“I…” Dick hesitated and slowly pulled his hand away from Dusan’s. At the hurt look the man gave him, the younger omega sighed and started rambling drunkenly. “Look, I’m sorry. She claimed me, she… she’s technically my mate even if I’m not hers, I… I belong to her. It doesn’t matter that I like you and would prefer you a million times over Talia! If I could, I’d pick you but she’s my alpha and I can’t deny her anymore. It’s too hard. I never meant t-to hurt…”

“Shush. Calm yourself.” Ghost cupped both of Dick’s cheeks in his hands and kissed his forehead tenderly. “I understand, Richard. I am omega too, remember? You have not betrayed me, we always knew our… relationship would have to be like this.”

“I hate her.” That was not what Dick wanted to say but the liquor had melted away his filters.

“I know.” Ghost gave a tiny nod of understanding.

“No, you don’t. You can’t.” Dick hiccupped, goddamn it, the last thing he needed was to start crying now. “I hate her more than you can possibly imagine and yet I melt when she touches me. I hate her and I hate myself for not hating her even more.”

Ghost was still cupping the younger man’s face as he thought about those words and finally decided to just pull Dick into an embrace. There was nothing deeper to the hug, just plain old comfort.

“Talia… She’s complicated. I will admit she has not treated you honorably but there is no reason to turn against yourself.” Ghost murmured into Dick’s hair, holding him close. “We are all slaves to our biology in the end.”

“I spent my life training to avoid that.” Dick hiccupped again and his eyes watered. «Don’t think about training. Don’t think about Bruce. _Don’t think about Bruce.»_

“So have I.” Ghost admitted calmly before tipping Dick’s chin so they could be eye to eye. “Richard, a word of advice- sometimes, it is better to bend, lest we break.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dick tried to be sarcastic but it came out watery and affectionate. “Any more pearls of wisdom or can you just kiss me already before I pass out.”

Ghost obliged and planted a slow but thorough kiss on the younger man’s lips. For his part, Dick’s kiss was sloppy and wet, his whole body starting to feel numb and like overcooked noodles.

“I will escort you to your room.” It wasn’t a suggestion, two minutes later the alcohol was stashed and Dusan had an arm around Dick to keep him upright as they headed to the wing, the harem, where Dick’s room was located.

*

The boys were acting oddly. Specifically Damian.

Nobody else noticed but Dick could tell the kids were up to something.

Halloween had come and gone with less fanfare than usual given Talia’s sudden attentiveness, but Damian was more determined than ever to be perfect, to beat Talia’s expectations, and no amount humid heat or annoying mosquitoes that kept them all up at night seemed able to slow him down.

Cosmo didn’t care as much about their training, but he had taken a liking to basketball and followed Damian like a puppy.

Talia spent far too much time alone with them as far as Dick was concerned, they always came back looking frustrated and miserable, even injured on more than one occasion, but Talia was pleased so she gave them leeway. Damian was constantly in a bad mood and would disappear sometimes out of the blue only for a panicked Dick to find him out in the gardens, sneaking around the corners of the manor up to some mischief, or even just practicing whatever he had learned that day, be it a martial art or what the tutors had taught him, repeating it over and over until it was perfect.

Dick still couldn’t figure out what Damian was up to but he would eventually, he’d been raised to be a detective after all.

The only thing that really cheered the kids up those days were animals.

Their pet snake now had a name- they call it Orochi, taken from a story they read in yet another mythology book, an East Asian one this time. And Ra’s hadn’t been kidding about the horses, they couldn’t ride yet but they were allowed in the stables to learn and to pet the animals so long as they finished their schoolwork first.

In fact, the twins liked animals so much that it nearly killed them.

On the last week of November, they were outside taking a break after swimming laps at the beach as part of their training (Cosmo floated around more than swam but that was ok by Dick). The wandered into the jungle for some shade from the sun and everything went downhill from there.

It started with Cosmo chasing beetles up trees and led to both boys stumbling on the same beehive Dick had warned them about before.

To be fair, they didn’t plan to get close and antagonize the bees, they remembered Dick’s lesson; they just stopped to pee behind a tree but the hive had spread and they literally smacked into it.

The ensuing screaming and running had Dick scooping up both children and fleeing back to the house like a bat out of hell, only to discover that neither kid could breathe and both sported swollen limbs and red blotchy skin from just a handful of stings.

As it turned out, they were allergic to bees.

Dick could have rated the panic he felt in that moment in the top five worst moments of his life.

Luckily, the infirmary was stocked with epinephrine and Damian just needed a shot of it just to get the swelling down enough so he could breathe again. He hated the shot more than he hated the stings, he had a complete meltdown when the beta running the infirmary showed up with more needles- things were thrown, people were kicked and bitten and there was a lot of scratching, rocking, screaming and tears.

Cosmo recovered quickly, didn’t even need much medical treatment, but he reacted badly to the shot too and spent the rest of the day in a panic, fidgeting and trying to hurt himself when he got frustrated.

Dick didn’t even want to imagine what vaccinating the boys in the future would be like if this was how Damian reacted at the sight of the needles but he decided to cross that bridge when they got to it. Talia always kept their immunizations up to date after all.

Speaking of, Talia heard of the bee mishap.

She blamed Dick’s faulty genes and gave him the cold shoulder for a whole week, refusing to so much as touch him; Dick didn’t know why that bothered him so much, why he felt like such a failure and why he craved her validation, it should have been a blessing to have a break from her but it didn’t feel that way… However, in the end it was fine, it just meant he got to spend time drinking with Ghost and sneaking into his room under Talia’s nose.

And then things got even worse because Dick discovered what the boys had secretly been up to.

He suspected, Dick had a feeling the kids had snuck another animal into the house but he had no idea how bad the situation was about to get. He had sensed the smell of something very animalistic like blood, musk and fur; a mammal for sure, not human in the least, and it was somewhere in their wing of the manor.

It was early December when Dick, Fatima and Samir heard something odd- soft little noises, almost like whimpers, coming from the kids’ closet. Damian tried to block their way in, panicked and stubborn, but failed and inside a drawer Dick found… cats.

Or, well, felines that Dick couldn’t identify. Specifically, a large spotted mother cat with an injured leg and several newborn kittens.

“What the fu…” Dick cut himself off and turned to his son. “ **What were you thinking, Damian? What have I told you about leaving wild animals alone?** ”

 **“But…”** Damian hesitated, chastised by Dick’s angry tone and giving the cat a longing look.

 **“But what? How did you even get her in here?”** Dick threw his hands up in frustration.

 **“I… I gave food outside and, and, and one day she let me bring her inside.”** Damian explained in a stilted manner, struggling to find the right words as he edged closer and closer to the felines.

Cosmo was already poking the babies were gently, almost scared even, but the mother cat didn’t seem to have the energy to even hiss and seemed to trust the boy more than she did the adults. The fluffy furballs that were the cubs meowled blindly and stumbled to their mother to nurse.

 **“So you’ve been hiding wild cats in the house for who knows how long?”** Dick continued to reprimand the boys, Damian in particular because Cosmo just didn’t appear to be listening at all.

 **“Didn’t hide the little ones. Don’t know them.”** Damian pouted, trying to defend himself.

 **“That’s because she just gave birth to them and now we have a litter to deal with.”** He ran his hand through his hair in frustration for a moment but tried to even his tone.

 **“These are servals. The mother seems too weak to care for them alone.”** Fatima piped in, curiously approaching the felines only to get and hiss and a yowl from the mother.

 **“We must tell Miss Talia.”** Samir started to turn to head for the door.

 **“No!”** Dick grabbed the other omega by the arm to stop him and pleaded **. “I… I’ll handle this. Just don’t involve Talia.”**

 **“She will find out somehow.”** Samir looked borderline panicked at the idea of a secret this big. **“After the bees she was so angry, what will she say to this?”**

 **“Look, I’ll find a way to release them back into the wild. Just don’t tell Talia, please.”** Dick pleaded, still clinging to the other man’s arm.

 **“No! Want Babs to stay!”** Damian pulled on Dick’s clothes and shouted his demand, a demand that stopped Dick on his tracks.

 **“You named her… Babs?”** Dick was stunned and more than a little confused. **“Why?”**

 **“From baba’s stories about Father.”** Damian explained, still whiny and stubborn but also looked nervous at Dick’s reaction. **“That bad?”**

 **“It’s… No. No, I’m sure human Babs would be flattered, kiddo.”** Dick hadn’t even realized just how much the kids retained of his stories, he was impressed, he had only really spoken about Barbara in one of his tales after all but it stuck nonetheless. Still, there were bigger matters at hand. **“But we can’t keep them.”**

 **“Please!”** Damian begged, shielding the cats with his body.

 **“No, Dami.”** Dick tried to be stern, it was better to disappoint them now than to risk letting Talia punish them.

 **“Pleeeease!”** Damian insisted, stomping his little foot.

 **“Please, please!”** Cosmo mimicked, latching on to Dick’s leg and giving him those huge emerald puppy eyes.

 **“If the animals are to stay, we must inform…”** Samir spoke over the boys but Dick cut them all off.

 **“Everyone shut up for a second.”** Dick snapped and all went quiet as he took a breath and decided the best course of action. **“Alright, look, she will stay only until she’s strong enough to go back into the jungle with the babies. Nobody else has to know anything until then, ok? I’ll take care of this.”**

 **“You are playing with fire, Richard.”** Fatima warned.

Damian ran up to Dick and hugged his other leg with a brilliant toothy smile. **“Love you, baba.”**

 **“Yeah, you say that now…”** Dick muttered, scooping both kids into his arms and mentally preparing to hide several meowing menaces from someone as sharp as Talia.

*

Of course, it could never have lasted.

Dick was having a good day. He had been keeping Talia away from the kid’s room by keeping her _happy_ and the cats were still safely hidden and being fed by Dick himself. He was sure they would be ready to be released soon and that raised his spirits.

It was just before Christmas and Dick started teaching the boys how to juggle, claiming it was important for their motor skills, eventually he’d have them do it while balancing on a gym ball the way Bruce did with him, and then he’d have them juggle more dangerous tools until they were could catch a dagger (or a batarang) with their eyes closed while standing on the edge of a skyscraper.

Damian took the challenge as seriously as he took everything, but Cosmo mostly just chewed on the practice balls.

Ghost came to watch them train and seemed puzzled by Dick’s methods.

“How exactly does this help them fight?” Dusan asked while standing a few yards away from the boys to avoid wayward balls.

“Honestly?” Dick leaned close to the older man and whispered. “It doesn’t, it’s mostly just for fun.”

Ghost gave him a confused frown, he wasn’t against fun but, like all Al Ghuls, he took training much too seriously and it made Dick roll his eyes.

“I mean, they learn valuable motor skills from this but they could easily learn them with other methods too. I just figured making it fun gives them more incentive to succeed.” Dick smiled and, for emphasis, he did a full-on backflip while juggling four throwing knives, barely having to look at the items and never once dropping a single one. 

“Your methods are very… unique.” Ghost still looked puzzled but also impressed in a way only Dick could make him.

“They aren’t that unique. Unless… Wait…” Dick paused his little demonstration to give Ghost a curious smile. “Don’t tell me you can’t juggle at all?”

Ghost said nothing, merely eyed the struggling children with a dubious expression.

“Ah, you really can’t!” Dick snickered playfully.

“Circus tricks were not in my curriculum.” Ghost retorted flatly.

“Try it.”

“Excuse me?”

“Try it, it’s easy, it just requires practice.” Dick tossed Ghost two balls to start with and grinned.

Ghost gave it a half-hearted try but what he did was more trying to keep the balls from falling than it was juggling. It was amusing to watch but Dick took pity on him.

“Wait. Try this.” Dick stood behind Ghost, barely peeking over his shoulder with their bodies flush together. He reached for Dusan’s hands, guiding them through the motions of juggling the two balls until a thought hit him and he chuckled.

“What is so funny?” Dusan asked, not annoyed at all, he liked Dick’s laugh more than he prized his pride.

“You’re the Ghost here so why am I Patrick Swayzing you?” Dick laughed into Ghost’s shoulder and added a third ball to their joint juggling session. “Next we’ll be making terrible clay pots.”

“I am afraid the reference is lost on me.” Ghost stated as he finally started to get a hang of the slow juggling.

“Seriously?” Dick gaped, standing on his tiptoes and tilting his head over Ghost’s shoulder to better look at him. “The movie literally called ‘Ghost’? With Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze?”

“Never had much time for films.” Ghost tipped his head as well to get a look at the younger man from the corner of his eye.

Dick grinned and his hands trailed up Ghost’s arms, momentarily forgetting where they were and who they were with. “I guess I’ll have to reenact the best parts for you.”

With a little flexibility, Dick managed to kiss Dusan. It was hungry but quick and they separated to the sound of the balls spilling onto the floor and the bang of the door behind them.

Dick practically jumped out of his skin, the adrenaline making him feel alive but fizzling out into dread when he turned just in time to see Talia walk in with Ra’s, an entourage of guards and a burlap sack in her hands.

She looked both serious and delighted at the same time, which was something Dick couldn’t begin to explain but that made his anxiety peak. His heart was in his throat at the thought of being caught being intimate with Ghost by the other Al Ghuls.

Luckily, Talia didn’t give Ghost a single glance, so perhaps she hadn’t noticed the kiss.

“Leave.” Ra’s waved Ghost away.

Dusan grit his teeth and raised his head proudly but did as he was told, grabbing his cloak and leaving the underground pavilion without a single glance at Dick or the children. Always so disciplined for daddy.

“Richard. Care to explain this?” Talia tossed the sack on the ground and out spilled a hogtied mother cat, spitting angry hisses and thrashing, and several meowing little kittens, six adorable sandy furballs with bright eyes barely open, tiny ears flattened to their fuzzy heads, and wobbling as they tried to walk on their own.

“I… I was going to release them back into the wild, I swear.” Dick immediately defended.

“Oh, I don’t care about that.” Talia tsk-ed and waved the matter away. “I want to know who brought them in.”

“That… Why? What’s the difference? They’re just cats.” Dick spoke cautiously, hesitant, not wanting to get his children in trouble.

“Richard…” Talia’s tone was of warning and danger.

 **“Me.”** Damian stepped up suddenly, shaking like a leaf but with his head held high. **“I did it.”**

 **“Such a brave little love.”** Talia crouched down to look at the child and traced his cheek gently. **“But mother doesn’t like secrets and neither does grandfather.”**

 **“You need to take responsibility for these distractions, Hafid.”** Ra’s added for emphasis.

“His name is Damian.” Dick corrected angrily.

“Do not speak unless spoken to.” Ra’s snapped in an alpha voice that made Dick instinctively stand stock still and go immediately quiet.

 **“Little one, your grandfather is right. You are responsible for these creatures so you need to be the one to end them.”** Talia explained, caressing Damian’s face lovingly.

“What?” Dick blurted out against all his instincts.

“I want Damian to kill the cats, Richard. What is so hard to understand?” Talia glanced at him with a brow arched in defiance. “It is an excellent opportunity to initiate a new level of training.”

“You can’t! He’s just a child, you can’t force him to kill.” Dick tried to push Damian behind him as he argued with Talia, absolutely appalled.

“Tt. This is the League of Assassins, Richard. Sonner or later this had to happen.” Talis stood back up and got right up in Dick’s face with her ghastly condescending expression. “They are just kittens, easy prey for a first kill.”

“Please, Talia, don’t make them do this.” Dick begged, didn’t know what else to do. “Don’t make Damian kill helpless baby animals.”

 **“Mother, I don’t want to…”** Damian whimpered from behind Dick’s legs.

 **“Hush, Damian. You must do as I say and harden your heart.”** Talia ordered, leaning down to grab the boy by the arm and pull him forward.

 **“But I don’t…”** Damian began to refuse again but was cut off.

 **“Do it, grandson.”** Ra’s demanded coldly, a world of difference from his usual creepily warm tone towards the children.

 **“I don’t wanna!”** Damian shouted, stomping his foot just before he winced and cowered when Talia moved.

 **“It is easy. Simply snap their necks.”** Talia approached the hissing and thrashing mother serval, she knelt, ignored the bites to her hands and snapped the beautiful animal’s neck cleanly in one swift move. **“See?”**

 **“No!”** Damian cried out and hid his face in his hands, by the scent of his terror it was probably to hide sobs that he was afraid Talia would see. He muttered again- **“Don’t want to!”**

 **“Then you _and_ your brother will be punished.”** She stated, standing back up and moving menacingly towards the boys, **“Some pain might be a good incentive.”**

“No, please!” It was Dick’s turn to shout, shielding the kids and pleading.

 **“Your choice, Damian. Kill the kittens or you and Cosmo get punished.”** Talia stared around Dick as if she hadn’t heard him in order to look at Damian.

 **“Damian, you don’t have to.”** Dick turned just enough to look at the boy as well.

 **“Make the right choice, son. Make mama proud.”** Talia smiled that arrogant smile, the terrifying one that meant everything was about to go to hell.

“No! Don’t make them do this.” Dick begged again and then turned to the only person above Talia in the pecking order and got on his knees. “Ra’s, please, I’ll do it. This was my fault, I’ll do it and I’ll even take the punishment for them, just please spare them.”

Ra’s tilted his head, a curious expression gracing his regal features. “You want to be their whipping boy, Richard?”

“Father…” Talia began, almost mockingly.

“No, Talia. There is some merit to the idea.” Ra’s cut her short with a raised hand, his eyes still on Dick. “Rather than incapacitate the boys and delay their training, we can show them the consequences of disobedience through someone they are so attached to.”

“…Very well.” Talia conceded with mild displeasure, she too turned her attention on Dick. “If you are so keen on self-sacrifice, then let us see how you fare.”

With a wave of her hand, eight guards stepped forward to grab and drag Dick away to who knows where. He submitted easily, didn’t really care about the pain but he still prayed it wouldn’t be another whipping, the last one nearly killed him.

“Baba!” Damian shouted, trying to race after Dick.

A shrill panicked meow.

A muffled snap.

Everything stopped.

They all turned in unison in the direction of the sound to see Cosmo holding a limp dead kitten in his hands, having copied Talia precisely. He wasn’t looking at the corpse though, he was offering it up and had his pleading emerald eyes on Talia.

 **“So, even the slow one can do it.”** Ra’s sounded delighted and mildly impressed. **“Are you a coward, Hafid? Will you let Aayiz win?”**

“Shut up! Just shut up, Ra’s!” Dick shouted, struggling against the guards pining him down just to look at the man. “Leave them alone, they are just babies!”

“They are grown enough to learn.” Talia announced and then looked straight into Dick’s eyes as she said **“Take him to the quiet room.”**

“No… No!” Dick screamed as the words registered, struggling even harder as he was dragged by the men and women he had let subdue him. “NO! Not that! Please! No!”

The children looked terrified by the screams, Cosmo still silently presenting the poor little dead creature insistently to Talia as if that would fix everything. Damian shrieking as got progressively more scared and, in turn, angrier; he went as far as kicking Talia’s shin with tear tracks on his cheeks and got slapped for his efforts, which only panicked Dick further.

With immense effort, the guards dragged Dick, kicking and screaming, down the hallways towards the inconspicuous little door that would lock him in his own personal dark silent hell.

Seeing that door made something inside him snap, something buried so deep that Dick just…

blacked

out.

When he came to, the eight guards were strewn on the floor and his hands were drenched and dripping in their blood.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

He was still holding one of the practice knives from earlier, the others embedded in the dead bodies sprawled like a red halo around him, throats slit and blood splattered on the walls and floors of the drab corridor like a Jackson Pollock painting. The air was thick with the coppery smell of blood, like a fog on his mind.

Dick wasn’t even out of breath, he was just standing there, clothes soaked in crimson, his teeth feeling tight and with a metallic taste on his lips.

He could almost hear strange voices from his childhood whispering in his ear over the sound of carnival music, offering praises for his skill. He could almost see white masks dancing in the corner of his eyesight.

“Baba…” Damian’s voice at the end of the hallway snapped Dick out of his stupor.

Both children were being dragged by Talia, one in each hand, and they were staring at Dick with large eyes- Damian looking terrified and Cosmo looking unusually focused.

Oh God.

They saw. They saw everything.

God, no.

_What had he done?_

**“Well, well.”** Ra’s grinned like the snake he was. **“It seems your omega is full of surprises, daughter.”**

Talia was staring at Dick like the cat that caught the canary, her voice ominously low. **“Yes. Yes, he is, Father.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are wondering, the wing of the manor where Dick and kids live is a literal harem in a vaguely traditional sense. 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	45. Bend Or You Will Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Dick snapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know the dumpster fire my life has been, and if you want to know help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> Trigger Warnings: References to animal cruelty and death. Abuse.

They had seen. _They had seen_. They had seen! Theyhadseentheyhadseentheyhadseentheyhadseen…

Dick’s mind was spiraling, the smell of blood so intense that it choked him; he didn’t remember how but he was on his knees, staring at his hands, red and sticky as blood began to clot. He could feel his babies’ eyes on him but he didn’t dare look up, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe.

The one thing Dick was trying to protect the kids from… and he had been the one to expose them to it.

But what had they really seen?

No matter how hard he tried, Dick couldn’t remember what the hell he had done, all he could remember was the panic so intense that the world disappeared and narrowed down to nothing but that damn door on the wall. There was also a vague dream-like memory of movement and color, of flesh giving under blades, of bones crunching, of the squelch of blood gushing; all of it cold and distant and surreal, like a hallucination rather than a grim reality.

Footsteps.

A hand gripped Dick’s chin until he was face to face with Talia.

It still felt like a nightmare.

“You were magnificent, Richard. I knew you had it in you.” Talia smiled, a genuine but smug smile, and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you for teaching the children such a valuable lesson.”

Her words sounded so far away, so unreal, that Dick didn’t really process anything that was happening until she let go and he saw the twins again- Damian staring with eyes wide, cheeks streaked with drying tear tracks and hugging himself tightly, Cosmo staring with his head tilted and rocking lightly in place, fidgeting with his hands has if he needed to pour out repressed energy. Both were hiding behind Ra’s’ legs.

The shame that flooded Dick was so intense he was sure it would choke the life out of him.

He broke the code.

The one thing he still had tying him to Bruce, the one thing Talia had never been able to take from him, and now it was broken- he had killed. And, worse than that, he hadn’t hated it.

And now his boys were terrified of him, as they should be. What if he blacked out like that again? What if the next time they were in the way? He needed them to stay away, he needed everyone to stay away from him, he needed air, he needed… he needed…

He didn’t know what he needed but what he wanted was far darker than anything he had ever conjured up before and it scared him out of his stupor.

Dick stood, choking on air, and clung to Talia. She was his alpha, she could order him to stop, she could make things better if she wanted. Never mind that what _he_ wanted was to stab her until she was bloodless and then lop off Ra’s’ head. Never mind that what he wanted even more was to grab that last fallen knife off the floor and slit his own throat.

He had scared the children, he needed them to be safe from him. He had broken the code, he was as bad as the villains he hated, he didn’t deserve to live.

Dick had no idea if he was moving or talking, he could hear senseless screaming, roaring even, and his eyesight was blurry, but his body felt like a video game character that had gone rogue and escaped his control, yet he could smell Talia and she smelled like a way out.

Whatever came next, Dick wouldn’t remember for a long, long time.

*

Dick only really came back to his senses hours, maybe even days, later. He wasn’t sure.

He woke in the dark, unable to move his arms, and at first it scared the life out of him, he thought he was back in the quiet room. His panic was so stark that the scream was stuck in his throat and wouldn’t come out. Gradually, he came to realize that he could move everything else, that he wasn’t stuck in a too tight cell, he figured out he was in a bed in a normal room… But not his.

Everything smelled like water on hot sand, like lilacs blooming under a scorching sun, with the faint hint of dried dates and acrid grave dirt. A scent full of little nuances that Dick knew intimately. Talia’s scent.

He was in Talia’s room, lying in her bed with his hands tied to it. From the outside it would probably look like a fun scenario but for Dick it was a different kind of hell; however, somehow he found himself alone for the first time.

Everything felt like a nightmare, if not for how badly his body hurt Dick would have thought he was still asleep.

He didn’t know why he hurt, he didn’t even know where exactly he hurt, he just knew it meant he was alive.

With minimal effort, Dick managed to get free, Bruce had taught him well how to escape most binds and with his flexibility it was easy to undo the ropes holding him down. He sat on the bed as his eyes adjusted to the dark, except it wasn’t all that dark- he could see light framing the curtains and shutters that kept the room in shadows and assumed it was daytime.

His arms ached as blood rushed back into his hands after being tied for who knew how long and he realized he had new bandages… but not on his arms. Thick, clean gauze wrapped tight and carefully around his neck, it stung when he poked at it. What the hell was that about?

His face felt bruised too, as did his ribs. Dick really had no idea what had happened but if he had to guess he figured he might have lost his mind and hurt himself, the bruises might have been from someone trying to beat some sense into him or defend themselves from him. But that was just conjecture, his detective brain trying to piece together the evidence.

Purely on auto-pilot, Dick got up and walked around the room. He found Talia’s video phone and didn’t even consider trying to get past her biometric iris lock, he wasn’t a hacker or the tech savvy type, that had always been Barbara’s thing, not his, he always preferred a landline and paper files instead of cell phones and digital work.

Dick continued to look around, knowing full well he was just delaying his inevitable reunion with the twins. What was he supposed to tell them? How could look them in the eye and say killing was bad when he had done it right in front of them? How would he cope if they were scared of him? What if he had permanently scarred their little minds?

So what if those guards were ghouls that had already signed their death away to the Al Ghuls? So what if they probably didn’t have families? What if they had loved ones or friends? They were still people with names and aspirations and stories and Dick didn’t even know what any of those were, he had just reaped those lives and didn’t even have the grace to fully remember doing it. At least with Blockbuster, he knew he had no choice than to let Tarantula shoot, he knew it was the lesser evil no matter how much he hated himself for it, but here he knew nothing.

Without even thinking, Dick picked the lock to Talia’s trunk, she seemed to keep her treasures there and he wanted to know what she was hiding, if there was anything he could use against her.

However, the first thing he saw was Bruce’s old cowl staring up at him and Dick couldn’t help but pick it up and hold it up to his face. It no longer smelled like Bruce, lacked that scent like bitter chocolate and leather, like Gotham’s seaside smothered in smog and expensive cologne. It also lacked the usual communication devices of the latter cowls, it had only a single fried tracker, it was useless. It lacked so much but it was still a piece of Bruce, a piece of what Batman represented- protection for the innocent and fear for the wrongdoers, something unbreakable.

Bruce used to say that Batman was fear for the evil and Nightwing was hope for the good.

The fabric rustled under Dick’s tightening grip and he felt the heat of tears sliding down his face as he buried it in the cowl. How could he be hope when he had none himself? How could he be Batman’s partner when he broke the one code they lived their life by? How could he ever look Bruce in the eye again when he corrupted their children?

“It’s not like you ever had a snowball’s chance in hell of seeing him again anyway.” A voice, almost like Jason’s, startled Dick into turning but there was nobody there, it was just his mind playing tricks on him again.

Dick covered his ears, the last thing he needed was for the hallucinations to come back, he was determined to ignore the voice, determined to be normal again. When no other comments came, he sniffled and wiped his face, still hugging the cowl to his chest.

However, in turning, Dick had spotted something out of place. Without thinking he reached for the letter on Talia’s desk- it had no addresses on it, probably hand delivered, but Dick would recognize that cursive anywhere.

He dropped the cowl and focused on the piece of paper in his hands. Rage started to bubble in him and being angry was so much easier than being miserable.

“I see you are finally up and about.” Talia’s voice snapped his attention away from the letter.

Dick had to check if she was really there and she was, with a mockingly tender smile she picked up the cowl and caressed it as it were a precious infant.

“What is the meaning of this, Talia?” Dick waved the letter irately in her direction.

“Reading other people’s mail is rude, Richard.” Talia chuckled, she didn’t care, but she set the cowl back in its chest and snapped it shut.

“You said you were helping Jason.” Dick’s suspicious voice went up several octaves. “Helping him do what exactly? You healed him to endear yourself to Bruce so why is Jason talking about a vendetta against Batman?”

“Why ask questions to which you already have the answers?” She raised a brow and beckoned at the letter.

“Why are you helping him with whatever scheme this is?” Dick tossed the paper to the ground and faced her with all his wrath.

“Perhaps it is well-deserved.” Talia defended with her arms now crossed over her chest.

“Deserved?” Dick was livid and got right in Talia’s face. “What did you do? How did you poison him against his own father?!”

“I did nothing of the sort. I merely offered him assistance, he deserves closure.”

“Closure? This is closure?!” Dick pointed at the crumpled note on the ground as he shouted just before a thought hit him. “He’s Pit mad, isn’t he? You’re taking advantage of all that insanity and rage to distract Bruce, aren’t you?”

“Richard, you think so little of me. Has it occurred to you that I might genuinely care for Jason?” Talia flipped her hair and spoke as if she were offended.

“No, it hasn’t.” Dick growled.

“Well, I do. The boy has potential, I simply want to help him live up to it.” She pat Dick’s cheek condescendingly. “Just as I want to help you with yours.”

“I want to see him.” Dick demanded, shaking her off for the first time in a long time.

“You will.” Talia smiled impishly. “Soon.”

“Can I go now?” He growled again, hoping he wouldn’t have to put up with Talia’s whims seeing as he had woken tied to her bed.

“Nobody is stopping you, Richard. You were only bound here because _you_ wanted it, it was for your own good.” Talia reached out again and ran a hand up Dick’s bandaged neck, making him shiver. “Normally that instability would cost you but you impressed everyone, my pet. The children learned valuable lessons.”

Dick didn’t want to hear anymore, he didn’t doubt that Talia was telling the truth but he needed to explain himself to the kids, he needed to undo the harm he had done, he needed to make sure they weren’t scared. So he ducked away from her touch and walked right out of the room.

The light from the windows in the corridor hurt his eyes at first but he raced away towards the children’s room only to find it empty. Dick had no idea what time it was, so they could be with tutors or in the dojo.

He rushed out to look for them and found them in the worst place imaginable- with Ra’s.

Damian and Cosmo were fighting each other. They were tangled together, Cosmo was pulling hair and trying to ball up defensively, Damian bit, kicked and screeched as they rolled on the ground under Ra’s critical green gaze.

“What the hell is going on here?!” Dick tried to run past Ra’s to stop the boys but the alpha raised an arm to stop him.

“They are not done yet.” Ra’s gave Dick a dark piercing glare.

“I don’t care.” Dick tried to shove the man aside to stop his children from fighting. “Boys, stop this!”

Ra’s didn’t like the insubordination.

“Stop.” The alpha command was so strong that Dick staggered and went still, the children did as well.

“Fuck you, Ra’s.” Dick spat, trying his best to move and break away from the order.

“On you knees, Richard. _Be quiet_.” The order was even stronger than before and Dick found himself on his knees before he could blink, Ra’s then turned his attention to the boys and told them to continue.

Neither child seemed inclined to keep fighting, they gave Dick nervous questioning looks and cowered a little under Ra’s glare.

 **“I told you to continue.”** Ra’s ordered the boys but they kept hesitating, he wasn’t using his alpha voice on them, he wanted them to obey willingly.

 **“Don’t wanna.”** Damian shouted, terrified but stubborn.

Ra’s reacted by backhanding Dick so hard that he felt his lip split, it came out of nowhere and Dick was caught so off guard that he could nothing but gasp and take it.

 **“I told you what would happen if you disobeyed, didn’t I?”** Ra’s asked the children and Damian nodded nervously with a little sniffle.

Before Damian could reply, Cosmo pounced on his back and they were back to fighting each other in five seconds flat. Ra’s hummed his approval and watched them use everything Dick had taught them to one up each other, Cosmo was the best at evading and Damian was feral in his attacks.

Dick tried his best to push himself back up and stop the madness but the fight only ended when Damian cried out in pain and sent Cosmo reeling into a wall.

“That’s enough!” Dick shouted and for once Ra’s acquiesced with a nod.

 **“We need get rid of that hesitation and fear.”** The alpha stated sternly and then waved vaguely at Dick. “See to their injuries.”

With that Ra’s left and before Dick could register what happened there was the sound of running footsteps he let out an ‘oomph’ as two little bodies collided with him and wrapped their little arms around his waist.

“Boys?” Dick was too stunned by the reaction to fully grasp what was happening. How had they bounced back from the fight so fast? Why weren’t they scared of him?

Damian hiccupped and Cosmo buried his face in Dick’s stomach, both of them smelling of distress and blood.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. It’s over.” Dick knelt down to their level, willingly this time, and both children just took this as a chance to hug him tighter, with their little arms around his neck.

 ** _“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”_** Damian rambled into Dick’s bandages.

 ** _“Sorry for what, Dami?”_** He was confused but rubbed both boys’ backs soothingly and hoped his distressed and emotional scent wouldn’t make things worse.

“I won’t fail again, I’ll make mama and grandfather proud. I promise!” Damian announced, stepping back just enough to be face to face with Dick, the child’s face was bruised on one side and streaked with tears, his cheeks were a blotchy dark red and his nose was runny.

“Where is this coming from?” Dick cupped Damian’s bruised cheek gently and glanced at Cosmo who was still hiding his face in the curve of the omega’s neck, scenting him frantically.

 ** _“I don’t want baba to hurt.”_** Damian’s reply was laced with pain and fear like Dick had never heard before. **_“Don’t want baba to go away again.”_**

“Oh Dami…” Dick sighed and pulled the child into a tighter hug.

Despite the carnage they had witnessed, all they had retained was that Dick had been hurt and taken from them, despite being made to fight each other they cared more about Dick not getting hurt than about themselves, they loved him that much that the killing was completely secondary, in fact they even blamed themselves.

 ** _“I’m so sorry for the things they made you do,”_** Dick apologized to them both, earnestly and with stinging eyes. **_“I’m sorry for what you saw, I’m sorry. None of it was your fault.”_**

Damian just cried harder, clinging so tightly to Dick that he could feel the boy’s little nails digging into his back and pulling at his hair. Cosmo, on the other hand started to frantically sign _«where?»_ without even looking at Dick.

 ** _“Where? Where have I been?”_** Dick guessed and Cosmo nodded. **_“I… I was in Talia’s room, I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you.”_**

 _«Why?»_ Cosmo signed insistently.

“Why? Well… I…” Dick hesitated. How was he supposed to explain when he didn’t even remember? “I did a very bad thing to those people and I… I shouldn’t… I needed… I don’t know, sweetheart.” He sighed in defeat. “I just didn’t want you to see me like that. What I did was…”

“What we did to the kittens.” Damian finished grimly.

“You what?” There was a terrible sinking feeling in Dick’s gut. Had Talia really forced them to kill in the end?

“Mama said you’d come back if we did the kittens.” Damian explained with a sad sniffle. “She made us.”

“Oh…” The sinking feeling became a void, trying to eat him from the inside, and Dick could do nothing be mourn the innocence of his little boys.

“I didn’t want to.” Damian quickly defended in response do Dick’s dejected expression.

“I know.” He nodded in understanding and wiped the boy’s tears. **_“I know, Dami. I know you didn’t, it’s not your fault, you did what you had to do.”_**

Dick caressed both of the twins’ heads, scenting their hair to calm himself as he watched them slowly wind down, only then did he push them away enough to look at them from top to bottom.

 ** _“You smell like blood. Let me see.”_** Dick examined them carefully and found that Damian had bloody knees and was covered in nasty scratches that looked a day or two old, he also had a swollen wrist that he cradled carefully. “Oh, Dami…”

The boy shrugged, almost as if he was becoming used to this. Dick felt his blood boil and it took all his strength to tamp down that rage.

“Cosmo?” Dick looked at the other boy and found scrapped knees as well, along with vicious bite marks, both already almost healed, and dried blood on the kid’s nose. “Ok, come on, I’m patching you two up.”

Dick picked up both children and carried them all the way back to their room; once there he herded both boys to the bathroom where they kept a basic first aid kit. He sat Damian on the counter and Cosmo on the edge of the tub before he gathered some anti-septic and gauze. He started with Damian’s knees, cleaning them thoroughly as the boy winced.

“I know, I know it stings. Be brave for me, Dami.” Dick bandaged both knees slowly and carefully.

He then started cleaning the scratches on the boy’s arms and wrapping the swollen wrist too, almost instinctively calling out for Alfred to get ice before he caught himself and merely made a mental note to get some himself. It made him chuckle a little sadly and the children gave him questioning looks.

 ** _“You know, I used to do this for your father too.”_** Dick smiled, still so sad that he felt his lips tremble and his eyes sting. He could still remember all the sprains, cuts, stitches and scrapes he had bandaged up in his ten years by Bruce’s side.

 ** _“Father gets hurt training?”_** Damian winced again as Dick secured the bandage around his sprained wrist and gathered some gauze to wipe the dry blood off Cosmo next.

 ** _“No, he gets hurt fighting bad people.”_** Dick explained as he wiped Cosmo’s healed nose clean.

 ** _“Like mama? And grandfather?”_** Damian asked with a curious tilt of his head.

 ** _“Sometimes.”_** Dick shrugged, trying hard not to think of Talia or Ra’s, lest his anger get the best of him again.

 ** _“Did father cry?”_** The older twin sniffled but he wasn’t crying anymore, in fact he was trying to scrub any trace of tears off his face. Dick grabbed a tissue and helped the kid blow his nose.

 ** _“…No, he didn’t cry.”_** Dick didn’t want to tell the boys about Bruce’s high threshold for pain or his habit of acting tough to power through his injuries, the last thing he needed was the twins trying to emulate that. **_“But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, he’s just good at hiding his pain.”_**

 ** _“Mama says I can’t cry.”_** Damian cradled his swollen wrist to his chest and sniffled again with a stubborn look on his face.

 ** _“I know.”_** Dick nodded solemnly but cupped Damian’s cheek tenderly again. **_“Dami… You only have to be tough in front of her, you can be yourself with me.”_**

 ** _“Boo doesn’t cry.”_** The older twin pointed out and Dick took the cue to clean up Cosmo’s scrapped knees and bites, finding healed pink skin underneath; he’d have to make sure the kid only wore long pants for a while so nobody would notice.

 ** _“Cosmo is a little different, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hurt, and it doesn’t mean he’s stronger than you.”_** Dick tried to explain in a way that would avoid rivalry but that he wasn’t sure was really true. **_“Cosmo is just good at hiding, like your father is.”_**

 ** _“Father is like Boo?”_** Damian asked with interest.

 ** _“He’s like both of you,”_** Dick wasn’t lying, both boys got so much from Bruce it was eerie; to lighten the mood he added- **_“but grumpier.”_**

Dick finished patching up the kids just as Naima showed up with clean laundry, she was surprised to see them back in the room so early and gave Dick a worried look but he didn’t care, he had something more important to do so he had the kids sit on his lap back in the room and took a deep breath.

 ** _“Speaking of your father…”_** Dick swallowed nervously as he looked for the right words. **_“You know what you saw me do to those guards? When they were trying to punish me?”_**

“Killed them.” Damian answered with a blunt nod. Dick didn’t like that, he didn’t like how suddenly the child began to speak so casually about killing.

“Yes, that.” Dick sighed but hardened his voice and his heart for what came next. **_“I shouldn’t have done that, it was a horrible thing to do. Your father has a code, he has rules, and the first rule is ‘no killing’. He’s going to hate me very much when he finds out I broke that rule.”_**

“He gonna hate us?” Damian seemed more worried about Bruce’s reaction than about Dick having done something unforgivable.

“No, no he won’t because none of the things you do here count, ok?” Dick looked at both boys, he needed them to understand this despite their young age. “You have to do what Talia says so it’s not your fault if she makes you do something bad. Your dad will understand that.”

“You gonna hate us?” Damian looked at his sprained wrist as he spoke. “We hurt the kittens…”

“Dami, I told you before- I could never ever hate you, either of you, no matter what you do. I won’t hate you if you do what Talia says and I won’t hate you if you don’t and they punish me. Alright?” Dick waited for Damian to nod and gave time for Cosmo to nod too. **_“Good. I love you, I can take anything for you.”_**

And he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up- Ghost comforts Dick. A huge time skip. The return of someone special.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	46. Days Gone By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick learns about some birds and then time passes painfully fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know the dumpster fire my life has been, and if you want to know how help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> Trigger Warnings: References to animal cruelty and death. (Child) abuse. Self-harm.

Dick wasn’t called to Talia’s room that night and he was grateful because he wanted, no, he _needed_ Ghost. He needed someone that would be honest with him, someone that wouldn’t use him, someone he couldn’t be a threat to.

He didn’t bother going to the kitchen, just made his way straight to the man’s room and knocked. White Ghost was surprised to see him but he opened the door and let Dick in with no questions asked.

With an exaggerated sigh, Dick sprawled on Ghost’s bed and looked up at the ceiling, cold hard intricately decorated stone tiles stared back down at him. He had no idea what he was doing there, didn’t know how Ghost could possibly help him, but he needed someone to treat him like a human being, even if just for a little while.

Ghost sat on the edge of the bed next to Dick and said nothing, he merely examined the younger man with sharp eyes and waited patiently for the younger man to be ready to talk.

“I take it you know what happened?” Dick asked, still looking up at the ceiling, afraid of what he might see in Ghost’s eyes.

“I do.” Dusan nodded blankly.

“How do you do it?” Dick sighed again, finally looking at the older omega.

“Excuse me?” Ghost looked lost.

“How do you not break down every time you kill?” Dick spoke with a hollowness that surprised even himself, considering that he felt broken to tiny little sharp pieces.

“You never killed anyone before.” It was a deduction, not a question, but Ghost still stared at Dick expectantly anyway.

“No, not with my own hands. We have… _I had_ a code of honor and not killing was a big part of it.” Dick felt the broken shards of himself poke at his spirit when he said those dejected words, it was nerve-wrecking, it cut him from the inside. “So how do you do it without losing your mind?”

“I grew up surrounded by death, at some point a person grows numb to it.” Dusan replied with disconcerting calm but he seemed to be considering Dick’s question. “It gets easier with time. It helps to distance yourself from targets and focus on the action, seeing them as individuals just leads to the guilt you are feeling now.”

“It’s more than just guilt.” Dick spoke tightly, like the words were forced out of him, hands balling into fists on the bedspread. “I… I can’t remember what happened but I feel… I didn’t _hate_ it, I didn’t hate losing control.”

“And that makes you feel worse.” Ghost deduced.

“It makes me feel scared.” Dick corrected, looking back at the ceiling with tired eyes. “What if I black out and lose it again?”

“You should be accustomed to having control taken from you by now.” Ghost wasn’t wrong but those words still felt like a barb digging under Dick’s skin.

“I am but that usually only hurts me, now it’s other people I’m worried about.” Dick spoke through grit teeth, finding it hard to admit his fears.

Dusan shook his head dejectedly, apparently affected by how upset Dick was. “Richard… I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

“That I’m still me. That I haven’t become a monster.”

Ghost thought about that for a second and then moved closer, lacing one hand with Dick’s. “I am a monster to you?”

“Of course not.” He replied without hesitation. Despite what Dusan did for a living, Dick found it impossible to hate the person behind the assassin.

“Then why should you be?” Ghost asked, softly, and his free hand drift to Dick’s neck, tracing the bandages lightly. “Richard, a monster would not have felt such remorse to the point of harming themselves as you did.”

“You don’t understand.” Dick shook his head dismissively. “Why would you? You’re an Al Ghul.”

“I understand that your code meant more to you than your life.” Dusan accurately explained what Dick couldn’t put into words. “But it is not your life you are concerned with, is it?”

“…” Dick hesitated but ultimately didn’t say anything. Of course it wasn’t his life he cared about, it was the twins, it was _always_ the twins.

Dick sighed yet again and turned on his side, trying to curl into Ghost who took it as a cue to hold Dick in his arms as silence settled between them. Dusan ran his fingers through Dick hair, almost petting him like Talia sometimes did, except with Ghost it felt comforting instead of unsettling.

The quiet dragged on for so long that Dick started to fidget and looked up at Ghost. “What are you thinking?”

“I hear you were incredibly proficient for someone who has never killed before.” Dusan chose his words carefully.

“Just because I don’t do it, doesn’t mean I don’t know how.” That was the most accurate thing Dick could say about the matter, his code stopped him from killing but he knew a thousand ways to it, and a thousand ways how avoid going too far.

“I assume that was not something you learned in the circus.” Ghost tried to make light of the conversation but he was fishing, Dick could tell. “Was it the detective?”

“You know what? I’m not actually sure anymore.” The more he thought about it, the more it made his head hurt but there was one thing that kept coming to him… “What do you know about owls?”

“Owls? The bird?” Ghost gave him a cautious look.

“Yeah, for months now I’ve been remembering things about owls from when I was still in the circus and it makes no sense.” Dick sat up, holding his aching head in his hands.

“What sort of things?” Now Ghost sounded mildly alarmed, which was alarming in itself for someone so stoic.

“There was this man in the circus, Jackson, he was a knife thrower but a bit of an outside, he wasn’t part of our vitsa and people didn’t like him very much. I used to barely remember him but now I have all these memories of him teaching me…” Dick rambled, rubbing his temples and trying to jog the hazy memories. “And there’s memories of him with people in white masks which shouldn’t mean anything to me but for some reason the memory was big enough to get repressed.”

“What does any that have to do with owls?”

Ghost’s question just made a sharp jolt of pain go through Dick’s skull and he hissed but struggled to put the pieces together. For some reason it all made his jaw hurt as if someone had been pulling out his teeth the same way he was trying pull forth his memories. He barely noticed Ghost’s concern or the man’s hand on his back.

“I remember that his knives had owl crests, I remember that the masks looked vaguely bird like.” Dick murmured through the haziness and pain, practically hearing that voice from his childhood again, speaking in his ear, telling him to forget. “And there’s other unrelated memories that feel connected just because of the way they were buried in my subconscious and how they make me feel coming up… There was this children’s book about a little owl, and when I was… In the… In the cell, I kept seeing owls.”

“How do those memories make you feel?” Ghost was cautiously rubbing circles on Dick’s back with a sharp suspicious look in his eyes.

“Foggy and disoriented, like my head is full of cotton and bees. Gives me dejà vu too, makes my body go tense, even my teeth feel tight.” Dick grit said teeth and tried to pull in a full breath, he hadn’t realized he was barely breathing until that moment.

“Hm.” Ghost hummed rather darkly, looking at nothing in particular and deep in thought.

“What?” Dick straightened and looked at the man. “What are you thinking now?”

Dusan hesitated, Dick felt it in the way the man stopped rubbing his back, but Dick’s eyes bore into Ghost’s crimson ones until he talked. “I do not wish to alarm you.”

“Why would you alarm me?” Dick insisted.

“I assume you never heard of the Parliament of Owls?” Ghost was tentative, careful even in his choice of words.

“No.” Dick shook his head and regretted it right away as both his head and his neck hurt from the action.

“It is a bit of legend to the common folk, somewhat like stories of Fey or Illuminati. However, the Parliament is a very real secret society behind world politics and aristocracy.”

“So?”

“They tend to train a very peculiar kind of assassin to do their bidding.”

“I’m guess they’re the League’s competition?” Dick knew Ra’s’ ambitions, such a group would definitely get in his way.

“In a sense.” Ghost acquiesced with a small tilt of his head.

“I never heard of a Parliament but there was a creepy nursery rhyme in Gotham about a Court of Owls. I don’t really remember it though.” And just thinking about it made his head feel hazy, like he was about to pass out, but he needed to know where Ghost was going with this. “So these assassins? What makes them so special?”

“The talons? They are very nimble and partial to blades, they are also quiet and almost scentless, not to mention long-lived, loyal and very hard to kill, almost on a metahuman level.”

“They train metahumans?” Dick figured that was something the Justice League would have jumped on if they knew.

“No, it seems they pick human warriors with the most potential and merely…transform them.” Ghost looked mildly disconcerted by idea, which was odd for someone whose whole family smelled like a Lazarus Pit.

“How?”

“We have been trying to uncover such things for decades but thus far we do not know.” Dusan admitted bitterly. “We do not condone the actions of the Owls, the League operates for the greater good of the planet while they seek only power and control over the human world to feed their own greed.” Dusan frowned, clearly he had strong opinions about the topic but… “Nonetheless, there is a very tenuous peace between the Parliament and the League, we avoid getting involved with them.”

Dick nodded and thought about the new information, he could piece together what Dusan was trying to tell him but it was hard to wrap his mind around it. “You think my memories are connected to the Owls?”

“Perhaps. Manipulating memories and conditioning people for years does fit their tactics.” Ghost nodded ominously.

“Why would they care about a little circus kid?” Dick rubbed his temples, he didn’t want to keep talking, it hurt too much.

“That I do not know.” Dusan reached out to cup Dick’s bruised jaw and run a thumb over his injured lip. “Seeing you as you are today, perhaps they knew your potential.”

Dick leaned into the touch but didn’t answer, he physically couldn’t keep talking about the topic, not only did it hurt, he was also starting to hallucinate the flap of wings again and he couldn’t stand it. But nothing could stop him from thinking…

When his parents fell, what would have happened if these Owls had gotten to him before Bruce did? Would he have become a killer? Why him? But above all- had they really been messing with his head since he was a child? That made him no different from the twins, didn’t it?

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was making him feel sick just thinking about it.

“What would you prefer then?” Dusan’s hand trailed down to his shoulder.

Dick gave him a furtive glance and the crawled onto Dusan’s lap, straddling the man and nuzzling into his neck for that scent that was so much like Talia’s and yet different in all the right ways.

“I’d prefer if you made me forget everything. Just make me feel human again.” Dick murmured into Ghost’s ear. “Let me be yours for a change.”

“Are you sure?” Ghost asked as his hands slid up the younger man’s thighs before settling chastely on his waist.

“Are you going to ask me that every time?” Dick actually chuckled, already feeling better now that he had shoved all those strange memories back into their metaphorical box.

“What can I say? I like consent.” Of course he did, what sane omega didn’t? Dick appreciated the gesture nonetheless. “So, are you sure?”

“More than ever.” With that, Dick kissed Dusan deeply but slowly and thoroughly. With the code broken what else did he have connecting him to Bruce? He might as well find what little joy he could while he could.

It wasn’t long before Dick’s shirt was on the floor and Ghost broke away from the kiss to trace and examine the bruises on the younger omega’s body, bruises Dick himself hadn’t bothered looking at even once.

“What did they do to you?” Ghost practically growled, one hand on Dick’s hip and the other tracing up his ribs to his collarbone.

“It’s fine. Makes me feel alive.” He wasn’t lying but the reality was- he couldn’t remember what had happened, he could only guess.

“You deserve better.” Ghost muttered under his breath, lifting Dick’s hand and planting a kiss on his wrist, just on the edge of a rope burn.

“Oh yeah?” Dick wrapped both his arms and legs around Dusan, playfully trapping him in the embrace. “Show me.”

And Ghost did. Omega or not, he showed Dick how he should be treated, all the way until dawn.

*

Time went by much too fast for Dick’s tastes.

Christmas was even more demure that usual, with Talia hounding the kids for their training and keeping Dick busy under her thumb, it was hard to find time for tradition. Nonetheless, they celebrated in their own way- with a tiny tree, cookies and a game of basketball that lasted hours.

The kids didn’t really _get_ basketball, Cosmo liked bouncing the ball but in general they didn’t understand doing something with no endgame, they had fun but they wanted to know why, why, why.

Dick took a page out of Talia’s book and told them that whenever they met their father they needed to know how to play with him. It worked, Damian’s interest peaked and Cosmo made a bigger effort to keep up with his hyperactive brother.

For presents, Dick (with help from Fatima and Samir) sewed the boys’ their own leotards in bright primary colors, just like the kind Dick used to wear in the circus. Talia didn’t exactly approve of the Robin-esque outfits but she had to concede that it made them more nimble during gymnastics training.

Dick gave the nannies a little trapeze show as a gift, and for Ghost he made a braided bracelet in blue and red. Dusan refused to remove it from his wrist ever since.

January was a rough month for the kids.

The heat was sweltering, they hated the mosquitoes so much that Damian would wake up screaming at random hours of the night because the bugs woke him up, even the netting they placed over the beds didn’t help.

Talia also had a new approach to training. She wanted to desensitize the boys to the fear of pain, she believed it made them hesitate too much and she wanted to eliminate that hesitation while they were still young; Ra’s agreed, of course, and Dick had little say in the matter because if he put up too much of a fuss Talia already knew his weak spot, she would threaten to put him in the quiet room or separate him from the kids.

At first Dick didn’t really fear Talia’s threats, in fact, the day the twins showed up with their hands whipped bloody from an exercise in speed and hesitation, he actually dared Talia to try to punish him because he wasn’t going to let her continue to hurt his boys. He shouted his challenge at her halfway through bandaging both children’s hands.

Unfortunately, Talia did good on her promise and took the twins on a little field trip outside the island and into open ocean in her submarine for a few days. The kids returned looking confused, a little awed and reluctant to talk at all, avoiding being close to Talia as much as possible.

After that, Dick didn’t put up much of a fight, the best he could do was patch the boys up and comfort them and hope, above all else, that Talia kept disregarding Cosmo. Thus far it had gone well, Talia was focused mainly on Damian and thought Cosmo’s lack of reaction to pain was just in stride with his lack of reaction to everything else; Dick made sure to always bandage Cosmo extra well and to keep said bandages on as long as possible so nobody could suspect what lay underneath.

On the other hand, the fact that Talia was willing to leave the island with the twins opened up some new possibilities.

Most parents taught their children not to talk to strangers and to be suspicious of anything offered to them by a stranger. Dick was forced to do the opposite.

He began teaching them how to lie, how to fake things like being asleep and how to run away quietly and hide for long periods of time, he began to drill a phone number into their heads and taught them that if they ever met strangers outside the island they should ask for Alfred Pennyworth in Gotham City (because telling them to call for billionaire Bruce Wayne was just asking for a kidnapping). It would take months for those lessons to stick, especially while keeping them a secret from Talia, and it might take years for them to use those skills, but Dick knew it had to be done.

February was eventful.

Ra’s did good on his promise and started to teach Damian how to horse ride; Cosmo was too terrified of being on a horse so he skipped out on those lessons, Ra’s wasn’t at all heartbroken about it.

One of the tutors disappeared mysteriously but nobody seemed bothered by it. Dick just hoped Mr. Blanchet had been returned to his home and not been killed for outliving his usefulness. It wasn’t a very high hope though.

The twins began to roughhouse with each other more and more, and even though it was play they were still egged on by Talia. Dick preferred to have them vent their energy with gymnastics, he even took them up onto the trapeze for the first time, much to their delight. He also directed their energy to other things that Talia approved, like music and arts.

Both boys were getting better at music, Damian still got incredibly frustrated with the scores but his playing actually sounded like music now and he had started developing little callouses from the strings as well as the training swords. As for Cosmo, he ignored the scores most of the time but he had an ear for music and when he played with the keys of the piano something pleasant always came out. Dick was proud, he only knew how to play accordion and guitar so he couldn’t help them much but Bruce played the piano (Alfred liked to brag about that) and Dick liked to imagine that someday Bruce would play with the boys… Well, dreaming cost nothing.

March was complicated.

The twins were tested on their progress both academically and physically, and Ra’s wasn’t impressed enough so Dick ended up with a couple of broken ribs as incentive for the boys to try harder. Damian became progressively more serious and focused, Cosmo looked like a lost lamb half the time but made an effort to follow his brother’s lead (and Damian aided in that effort by encouraging Cosmo constantly).

It rained on Dick’s birthday. They had blinis as always, the nannies were cheerful and even Ravi joined them at breakfast, looking proud as the twins gave Dick birthday cards with drawings on them- Damian’s was a surprisingly neat rendition of Dick and the boys with their snake there too, miles apart from Cosmo’s colorful blobs and scribbles. It made Dick tear up and he cards became another one of his precious hidden treasures.

Despite the rain, they went outside on Dick’s birthday, it was so warm and humid that the boys played at the beach swam around before Talia finally decided it was time to get back to work.

The cherry of Dick’s birthday came later that day though- Dick had been telling stories about the circus and explaining the function of clowns, and after training with Talia in the humid heat, Damian had noticed her mascara running and her lipstick smudged and asked if she was a clown. Dick was the one to pay for the innocent comment but the laughter he got from it was worth the bruising blow to the back he received.

To cap off his day, Dick got to spend the night with Ghost because Talia was still sulking, and Ghost was keen on celebrating Dick’s birthday with the good liquor in his cabinet and a whole lot of steamy sex.

April and May went by in a haze.

Ghost was gone on and off during those months, accompanying Ra’s to wherever an evil ecoterrorist cult leader went for his nefarious plans. Either way, Dick was so busy keeping up with Ra’s and Talia’s insane standards for the twins’ education that the days blurred together.

It didn’t help Dick was trying hard not to think about Bruce’s birthday, he would still tell the kids stories about Bruce but he was growing more melancholic as the days passed and fell back on his patterns of drinking and purposely hurting himself when the Al Ghuls didn’t do it for him, he needed the distractions, needed to feel the adrenaline in his veins.

Talia remained very interested in having him in her bed, she seemed to have grown attached to him in a creepy way, she treated him almost like a pet and he didn’t even try to fight it anymore. He also began to zone out even more than usual during his nights with Talia, his body moving automatically while his mind just slipped away, he kept telling himself it was part of his reality and it was easier to accept it but deep down that hollowness, shame, and disconnect from his own body that happened in Talia’s bed never went away.

The twins were forced to kill again, now on a weekly basis.

Cosmo snapped bunnies’ neck with ease and no hesitation but no pleasure either, he barely reacted at all other than looking at a vague area around Talia and waiting for her approval.

Damian had more trouble, he hesitated too much even though he was too fearful to disobey; when he was asked to kill one of his beloved chickens, he couldn’t snap the animal’s neck so he was given a knife instead and the result was always a slow gory mess, Damian would always look empty-eyed and eerily quiet after these sessions and would only crack and cry at night when only Dick and Cosmo could see him. Dick always felt useless and helpless during those days.

June brought a cold front and a lot of unpleasantness.

It was a cold rainy day when Ra’s decided Damian (and only Damian) was ready to be part of whatever cult-like meetings the League had on the island. Dick didn’t know what that entailed, he didn’t even know where they were meeting but he had his suspicions about the ruins on the far side of the island.

Damian came back looking like a zombie, the only things Dick got out of him was that he was tested, he had been made to throw knives at dummies like Dick taught him but he had been made to do it while walking on hot coals. Dick never hated Ra’s and Talia more than he did while icing Damian’s feet and bandaging them up while the boy sniffled and held back tears; Dick would have carried the kid everywhere after that if he could but Damian himself didn’t want that and seemed afraid of complaining.

Ghost’s birthday came but it was marred by a disagreement and a fight with Dick. Dusan seemed to think Ra’s methods with the children were necessary and defended that he had been trained the same way and was fine; Dick, on the other hand, couldn’t stop cursing out Ra’s and called Ghost daddy’s whipped little bitch. They didn’t talk for a week but, ultimately, Ghost caved and admitted that he understood Dick’s side, he just didn’t want to think that anything Ra’s did was wrong.

Talia told Dick he had to learn to be accepting of the League’s methods, that soon the boys would practice on more than dummies and small animals, she also told him that soon they would be learning how to use firearms and Dick put his foot down and opposed that with all his might. Batman hated guns so Dick hated guns, he didn’t want his children anywhere near such things. Talia’s solution was to leave for a while without warning.

Dick knew what she was doing. A week later he was already feeling the effects of withdrawal; it seemed the more time he spent with her the more dependent he became and the faster the withdrawal kicked in. Talia wanted him needy and pliable so he would accept whatever she dished out for the twins when she returned. Dick hated her for it… And so did Ghost.

That was when Dick and Dusan made up from their spat. Ghost kept Dick sane until he too was called away.

In July Dick was starting to go a little crazy again, his body rioting against him. The twins felt the change in his scent and became a lot more needy and clingy in return but it didn’t stop Damian from training with all he had, hoping that if did good enough Talia would come back and fix Dick.

Things were just starting to spiral out of Dick’s control when Talia returned… And she brought a guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter you finally get who you've been waiting for. It's going to be a hell of a ride. 
> 
> If anyone has ideas for one-shots taking place during time-skips, send them to me and I might write them separately.   
> Also, anyone want more NightGhost smut? 
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	47. The Zombie Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frenemy pops up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know the dumpster fire my life has been, and if you want to know how help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Strong references to sexual abuse. Guns.

Dick felt Talia arrive before he even saw her.

The twins were having a history lesson focused mostly on war tactics (of all things), they were even reading “Art of War” and Dick was bored to tears when he felt her- there was a tug in his chest, a knot of anxiety and reluctant excitement that he only got when she was nearby. He could almost smell a phantom of her scent.

He didn’t immediately get up to go look for her, he was suffering without her- shaky, cold, anxious and repelled by everyone’s scents to the point of nausea- but he didn’t want her to see his desperation, he wasn’t quite that far gone yet.

The lesson ended and Dick carted the boys away to give them lunch but instead of heading to the kitchen, he found himself steering them towards the dojo instead, following an invisible pull that dazed him and left him operating on instinct only.

Dick spotted Talia, glorious in her white jumpsuit with her loose hair framing her flawless face, he was about to walk up to her when something stopped him dead on his tracks- there was someone with Talia, someone terribly familiar.

Before Dick could really place how he knew the man, both twins raced forward to hug the stranger.

“Jason!” Damian cried, excitedly, while Cosmo latched on to Jason’s leg.

“Who the hell…?” The visitor began, looking flabbergasted at the two children.

“Ah, here are my pups.” Talia smiled and ran a hand through Damian’s hair. “These are the children I was telling you about.”

“They look like…”

“Like my beloved, yes. They are your brothers.” Talia explained, her smug smile never wavering.

“Jay…?” Dick called, low and cautiously, slowly approaching the visitor.

Could it really be Jason? He looked like Jason, but not a version of Jason that Dick knew. This boy, barely a man, didn’t look like someone that had grown up malnourished, he was almost as tall as Bruce and as muscular as Dick himself, he had no visible scars either, there was a white streak on his hair and his eyes were the same vibrant emerald as Cosmo’s. If not for that face he could have been a completely different person.

The young man looked up from the kids swarming him and finally spotted Dick for the first time, his expression growing even more confused.

“Dick…?” Jason’s voice was deeper, more mature, but his tone was still that of a sassy but lost boy. “What’re you doing here?”

Just two steps away from the teen, Dick inhaled- an earthy scent tinted with the acidity of the Lazarus Pit hit Dick’s nose, but under it where familiar tones of leather and parchment, even of cigarettes, mixed with gunpower and steel. It was definitely Jason, but more defined, more adult, more alpha.

“It’s really you.” Dick murmured in shock, he hadn’t really believed Talia when she said he’d see Jason again.

“He is here for the same purpose as you, Jason.” Talia answered briskly. “To train my children.”

“Jay, don’t you remember? You’ve been here with me before.” Dick practically pleaded for him to remember.

“No, I… I…” Jason hesitated, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“It is true.” Talia interrupted suddenly, speaking lightly but with a spiteful glint in her hazel eyes. “Richard helped care for you, but he was adamantly against using the Lazarus Pit to heal you.”

Jason’s scowl deepened as he stared right into Dick’s eyes. “Is that true?”

“That… Yes, but that’s taken out of context, I was worried about you!” Dick tried to defend, knowing this was a battle he couldn’t win.

“He would have kept you broken, Jason, he did not want you to heal.” Talia spoke conspiratorially next to Jason, giving Dick dirty looks. “He liked when you were dependent on him.”

“Fuck you, Talia.” Dick growled.

“You never could stand havin’ me replace ya, could you, Golden Boy? You were always Bruce’s little lovesick puppy.” Jason growled right back in is typical Narrows accent, startling both confused twins into rushing to hide behind Dick. “It would’ve been so much more convenient to you if I was still half dead!”

“That’s not true.” Dick tried to reach out but Jason slapped his hand away at once, eyes practically glowing a venomous green.

“Don’t even try it!” Jason shouted and then turned to Talia. “I’m not staying if he’s here.”

“Now, now, Jason.” Talia placated with a smirk. “No need to be so hasty, you have a job to do.”

“Yeah, I do. I don’t have time ta’ waste babysitting your brats!”

“You were the one that killed my firearms expert, Jason, therefore you have to take his place and teach them.” Talia practically ordered but in a good-natured tone that seemed to placate Jason a little.

“I need to go back to Gotham.” He announced, grumpily.

“Then you better not waste time.” Talia countered, handing him a gun from her own holster.

“Talia, I told you, I don’t want the boys anywhere near…” Dick began to argue, he still didn’t want the kids near guns, and hearing that Jason killed someone had him raising his defenses immediately.

“Richard.” Talia snapped in a low threatening voice. “Be a good boy and let the alphas speak.”

The ‘or else’ was implied in Talia’s tone and Dick knew what awaited him if he disobeyed. Those old ords ( _good boy_ ) made him sigh, shut his mouth and lower his head, submitting to Talia almost automatically; she didn’t even need to use her alpha voice to command him. Jason gave him a strange piercing look with those vivid alien green eyes.

Damian tugged at Dick’s sleeve and whispered. **_“Jason is talking.”_**

 ** _“Yes, he is, Dami.”_** Dick gave a small nod and held the boy’s hand.

 ** _“Thought he was like Boo?”_** Damian gave Cosmo a glance, the younger twin was staring at Jason, watching him argue with Talia in a low voice.

 ** _“He was sick, he’s…”_** Dick hesitated, glancing at Jason’s angry face again. **_“He’s better now.”_**

 ** _“Jay doesn’t like us anymore?”_** Damian followed Dick’s gaze and caught Jason saying something about wanting to leave.

 ** _“He just doesn’t remember us very well, he’s confused.”_** Dick tried to explain but he didn’t think he was convincing anyone.

“Well, I will leave you to it.” Talia announced suddenly, before turning to Dick. “Richard, a word.”

“Hey, you can’t leave me alone with these lil’…” Jason began but went quiet when Talia waved her hand and Ravi appeared out of nowhere to watch the children.

Dick knew he didn’t have much say and the matter but he didn’t want to leave Jason yet, he wanted to talk, and the kids didn’t want him to go either. However, when Talia ordered the boys to stay with Jason, they did, and when she grabbed Dick by the back of his neck, right over the bite scar, Dick couldn’t stop himself from shrinking and walking obediently with her. Her touch was just such a relief, as was that scent he knew too well.

They walked all the way back to Talia’s room and Dick shivered when she closed the door behind him. That room was just synonymous with things Dick needed and hated all at once.

Talia approached him from behind and caressed up his body almost lovingly, placing a kiss on the back of his neck. Dick whimpered and closed his eyes, unsure of what was expected of him.

“I know what is best for my children, Richard. You need to stop defying me, I thought my absence would give you time to reconsider but it seems I continue to underestimate you.” She spoke into his ear, giving him goosebumps.

“You thought your absence would make desperate enough to agree to anything.” Dick muttered through grit teeth.

“You do not have to agree, you just have to stop being difficult.” Talia bit softly at the back of his neck and Dick felt a jolt of fear and pleasure shoot through him. “If you want to speak to Jason again, I advise you to remember that.”

“Alright, Talia. You win.” Dick nodded, eyes closed and his body practically crumbling in her hands.

“Good boy.” She cooed, ruffling his hair.

 _Good boy._ There were those words again, the ones that made Dick feel utterly defeated and less than human.

“Am I supposed to lie to Jason too?” He asked with real concern, at that moment he would have agreed to anything Talia ordered.

“Oh no, you can tell him whatever you want.” Talia laughed softly, a beautiful and terrible sound. “But it will not do you any good.”

With that the conversation was over.

*

The following days were difficult for Dick. He wanted to talk openly with Jason but there was always someone hovering nearby and Jason wasn’t cooperating, he acted like Dick was an enemy and refused to listen to anything.

Dick’s only choice was to watch as the young alpha taught the kids all about guns, from how to pull one apart and put it back together to what each component did, from how to aim and reload to how to shoot anything from a hand gun to a riffle. He even taught them how tell if a gun was loaded just by its weight.

However, Dick wasn’t one to give up and little by little Jason started saying more than single word sentences.

“Where did you learn all this?” Dick asked, one morning while Damian was trying to put a 9mm back together and Cosmo was just entertained spinning the empty barrel of a 44 magnum. Both actions made Dick unbelievably anxious.

“When did you become Talia’s lil’ bitch?” Jason shot back irritably, even though he very gently corrected Damian when he made a mistake.

“I’m not the one accepting help from her for some crazy scheme.” Dick still wanted to know what that scheme was but Jason was not forthcoming.

“No, you’re just the one sleepin’ with her.” The alpha shot back harshly.

Dick went quiet.

It wasn’t a lie but he had to close his eyes and take a slow breath to avoid breaking down right then and there, his scent must have given away his distress though, because both twins suddenly stopped what they were doing to stare at him.

“Hey, don’t get distracted.” Jason snapped his fingers in front of Damian’s face.

Damian blinked and looked down at the half-assembled weapon in his hands with a scowl forming on his face. “Want to stop.”

“Not until you’re done.” Jason stated firmly, but with less bite than he used on Dick. “Is there any way to get your brother to listen and finish his?”

Damian looked at Cosmo and then back at Jason and spoke in a chiding tone. “ _Our_ brother.”

“Whatever.” Jason rolled his eyes. “Does he ever listen?”

Damian tapped Cosmo’s shoulder and whispered in his ear. Cosmo appeared to perk up suddenly and put his gun back together with quick nimble fingers before he started playing with the barrel again, rolling it over and over.

“How does he do that?” Jason actually sounded impressed.

Damian shrugged and went back to puzzling together his own weapon, occasionally giving Dick furtive glances, it was a miracle he wasn’t throwing a tantrum already.

“Jason, really, where did you learn this?” Dick asked with concern.

“I learned a lot from the teachers Talia got for me. Pity they were all scumbags that needed to die.” Jason murmured the last part angrily through his teeth.

“What do you mean?”

“What do ya think I mean?” Jason growled but the focused on the kids with an impatient voice. “Damian, you forgot the trigger pin, it won’t work without it.”

Damian finally had enough and tossed the gun at Jason’s head, who caught it deftly and frowned.

“What’s your problem, twerp?” The alpha snapped.

“He’s impatient and gets frustrated when he doesn’t do well at the first try.” Dick crouched down to calm Damian, carefully of how he touched him, just like he used to do with Bruce. “Remind you of someone?”

“Yeah, an asshole.”

“Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!” Cosmo parroted the word over and over.

Dick rolled his eyes and tried signing at Cosmo to distract him. “Thanks a lot, Jay.”

“Not my problem.” Jason shrugged but there was a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

Dick sigh and finally gave up, looking right at the alpha with a defeated expression. “Jason, we should talk.”

“I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“What are you planning to do in Gotham, Jay?” Dick had asked that question a dozen times since Jason arrived but never got an answer.

“Get out of my face, Dick.” The alpha growled and got up angrily, ending the little lesson for the day and disappearing out of the dojo.

Dick sighed and stashed the weapons away before taking both kids by the hand and leading them down into the kitchen for lunch with Ravi in toe. Damian insisted on scenting Dick the whole way there and Cosmo was still occasionally repeating the new word in his vocabulary, much to Ravi’s disapproval.

*

On the day the kids were finally corralled into a gun range in the underground floors in order to actually practice shooting, Dick was a nervous wreck. That morning, after an unpleasant night in her bed, Talia had informed him of what the kids would be doing for the day and Dick had felt icy thread of anxiety in his gut ever since.

They were shooting blanks and had protective ear and eye gear and Jason was hovering over them to watch them shoot at human shaped targets and give pointers while making sure the kids didn’t hit themselves or each other by accident but Dick still hated the sight of his small little boys with guns in their hands, it made him sick to his stomach.

Cosmo wasn’t really doing any shooting, he was more entertained sitting on the floor, loading and unloading the gun over and over but Damian didn’t hesitate to shoot and, though his aim was terribly off, he wasn’t doing half bad with his posture and technique.

“Jay…” Dick approached Jason tentatively again.

“Leave me alone, dickface.” The prickly alpha retorted loud enough to be heard over the shots.

“You don’t have to like me.” Dick negotiated pleadingly. “But Jason, please, just talk to me.”

“Why?” Jason kept an eye on Damian but turned to face Dick with his eerily bright eyes. “Why should I listen t’ anything you say? I died and all that time you were here, chillin’ with the League and babysitting Talia’s brats!”

“That’s not what happened!” Dick practically shouted. “They aren’t Talia’s, they are mine! She’s just convinced everyone they are hers.”

“Why would she do that?” Jason crossed his arms with a skeptical frown on his face.

“She loves Bruce, she wants to use them to get close to him.”

“Too bad he won’t be around to meet ‘em.” The alpha replied ominously.

“Jason, what you planning? Why do you hate Bruce so much all of the sudden? He’s your father.”

“Then why is the Joker still alive?!” Jason’s sudden outburst was so loud and angry that Damian even dropped the gun and both boys turned to stare while Dick took a step back from the almost feral alpha. “If I was really a son to him, why didn’t he avenge me?!”

“I’m sure there’s a reason, if you’d just let him explain…” Dick tried to be diplomatic but Jason cut him off.

“No! I’m tired of bein’ lied to. Bruce has to pay for what he did, for letting that lunatic live.” Jason’s scent poured out of him in waves, stinking of Lazarus Pit and rage and causing the Damian to try to stand in front of Dick defensibly while Cosmo hid.

“Batman doesn’t kill, Jason.” Dick placed his hands on Damian’s shoulders to calm him and tried not to flinch away from Jason’s anger.

“Yes, he does! He let _me_ die!” Jason yelled, fury now mixing with anguish. “And you… If he wasn’t so distracted by your absence, he wouldn’t have let me walk into that trap, if you had been there t’ help I might’ve survived, and so would my mother!”

“I’m sorry, I truly am. But it’s not like I wanted to be captured!” Dick defended. “I tried to escape and it nearly got me killed. Repeatedly.”

“I don’t care!” Jason roared. “Besides, Batman deserves what’s comin’, he’s become more menace than hero.”

“What?” Dick frowned at that, less tense and more concerned all of the sudden.

“Seems you were his moral compass, Dickie.” Jason sneered. “Without you he’s been on a rampage for a while, he couldn’t kill Joker for me but he sure as hell can make a few vegetables out of people for you.”

“That’s not true, Bruce is a good man!” Dick pulled Damian closer to him, he didn’t want the kids to hear the argument but had no other choice. However, seeing the way Jason looked at the kids, something clicked into place in Dick’s brain. “This isn’t about the Joker. Why are you really so angry?”

“He replaced me!” Jason shouted, turning his back on the omega.

“Replaced you?” Dick was startled by the revelation.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Jason sneered again. “Bruce adopted a new kid, and there’s another brat working with him. Bruce sure moved on quickly for someone who claimed to love me.”

“A person can love more than one child, Jason. I’m sure if you just…” Dick sighed, trying to be diplomatic again and again he was cut off.

“He replaced you too, ya know?” Jason was suddenly stone cold.

“W-What?” Dick stuttered. He knew what was coming but he didn’t want to hear this.

“Catwoman. He traded you for her real fast.”

“…” Dick hesitated but didn’t say anything to that, growing miserable and thoughtful, even though he knew this would happen, it still felt like being doused with a bucket of ice water.

“Well?” Jason goaded.

“He deserves someone that makes him happy.” Dick swallowed drily and looked away from Jason.

“No, he deserves to feel the pain I felt!” Jason smacked his own chest for emphasis. “I’m going to make him regret forgetting me, I’m going to ruin Batman.”

“Jason, you can’t go through with this.” Dick pleaded, ignoring the way both twins were now clinging to him.

“You know I almost killed him?” Jason sounded smug, almost proud, but there was something in his face that gave away conflict. “Yeah, planted a bomb just right in the batmobile, it took hours and a neoprene suit to trick the car’s security system but I did it.”

“But you didn’t kill him.” Dick knew it but needed the confirmation anyway.

“No, I realized I wanted more than his death. I want him to break his precious code, I want to see him fall off the pedestal, I want him to live knowing he failed. I want him to _suffer_.”

“You can’t be serious.” Dick argued, his disbelief rapidly turning to rage.

“Dead serious.” Jason chuckled at his own pun. “Why do you even care? You traded up with Talia.”

Dick glared at his former packmate. “I’m a prisoner, Jason, I have been for years.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“That mark on your neck tells me everything I need to know about your _prison_.” Again, Jason sneered, an ugly accusing sound.

“What?” Dick was taken aback and raised a hand to his neck.

“You let her claim you, you smell like her. So much for loving Bruce, huh?”

“You think I _let_ her?” Dick wasn’t even aware of what he was saying anymore, he just couldn’t let the accusation lie. “You think I’d betray Bruce like that?”

Suddenly Jason paused and his sneered turned stony and cold at Dick’s choice of words. “What are you saying?”

“You’re an alpha, you figure it out.” Dick didn’t want to have that conversation, so he grabbed both twins, intent on leaving as quickly as possible.

“Wait…” Jason’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Did she rape you?”

“Jason, please don’t do whatever stunt you’re planning in Gotham.” Dick tried to dodge and change the subject, he also ushered the boys out of the room, lingering behind.

“Did she rape you, Dick?!” Jason shouted, insistently and more furious than ever.

“It’s not rape if you give in, it’s just coercion.” Dick closed the door on the boys and whisper-shouted at Jason, hoping the twins wouldn’t understand what was going on.

“No, she claimed you against your will. It’s rape.” Jason said it like it was plain and simple, the most obvious thing in the world.

“It doesn’t matter, Jason! Only the kids matter.” Dick gestured at the door that hid the children. “Please help me get them out of here.”

“I can’t!” Jason now seemed torn but the worst part was that he had grabbed Damian’s gun and was loading it with live ammo.

“Jason, please, at least let Bruce know we’re alive.” Dick beg, honest to god begged.

“No. He doesn’t deserve you, he doesn’t deserve anyone!” Jason snapped and then cocked his gun. “Now get out of the way, I have some words for Talia.”

The alpha shoved Dick out of the way and slammed the door open, startling both the children, then he made a beeline for the elevators, practically shaking with fury, his scent filling the corridor like smog.

“Jason, stop!” Dick tried to run after him and grabbed Jason’s arm to stop him, afraid of the consequences of the alpha’s actions.

“She raped you, Dick!” Jason shouted, eyes glowing, and shook Dick off. “As much as I hate you right now, I can’t forgive that. Ever.”

“You can’t win against her, Jay! Even if you kill her, they’ll just bring her back with the Pit and then they’ll kill us both.”

“So I sit back and let it slide? I don’t think so.” Jason pressed the button for the elevator, gun still in hand.

“If you want to punish her, get the kids out of here. Get them somewhere safe.” Dick bargained, still begging.

“Trust me, Goldie, you and the little demons are safer here, _away_ from Bruce.” With that the elevator door closed on Jason and Dick was left alone with the twins and the scent of fury and Lazarus Pit all around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dying to write (and share) this chapter!  
> What do you think Jason will do to Talia?
> 
> I'm tempted to write this chapter from Jason's pov as a separate one-shot.... Should I?
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> You're tired of reading this but once again- I can not stress enough how much your comments, theories and opinions mean to me!!! They keep me sane in these difficult times and always make my day, they really are the reason I stay inspired and get motivated to write.  
> Don't be afraid to ramble!


	48. Fight Of The Living Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason and Talia fight. There is backlash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> Sorry about the delay with this chapter but I lost everything in my laptop (including my notes and one-shots for this fic) and that killed my motivation a bit, plus I had my gf visiting for a while and that distracted me.
> 
> If you want to know the dumpster fire my life has been, and if you want to know how help out, please [check out my pinned post on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) .
> 
> Previous trigger warnings still apply.

The bang echoed all over the manor like fireworks before Dick could even make it to the main hall.

The silence that followed was unnerving and Dick could feel tension sizzling in the air, so he left the kids behind and ran after the scent of Jason’s rage, bursting through the door to the dining room just in time to dodge a bullet that flew right by his head.

The scent of blood, Lazarus Pit and gunpowder permeated the air and filled his lungs like smoke. Talia and Jason were face to face several feet apart, both alphas posturing in attack stances, holding guns and glaring daggers at one another.

Talia was bleeding profusely from her shoulder, staining her pristine white blouse. She held the wound with one hand and the weapon with another, her hair was disheveled and she was snarling at Jason with a fury that Dick had never quite witnessed before. Jason himself was growling, his eyes glowing a toxic green, a gun in one hand and a knife in the other.

The alphas circled one another.

“What is the meaning of this, Jason?” Talia spat coldly but with surprising restraint.

“What’s the matter, Talia?” Jason goaded, threatening to lunge at her. “Can’t handle the consequences of your actions?”

Dick tensed. He knew there was no way this could end well, it was a matter of time before the guards got involved and Jason got himself killed. He couldn’t allow that so he rushed forward and tried to hold the younger alpha back. “Jason, stop this!”

“What is this about?” Talia’s eyes narrowed with suspicion and she hissed as she put pressure on her wound.

“Did you really think you’d get away with it?” Jason shook Dick off and growled, still glaring at Talia and raisings his weapons.

“Say it, Jason. What did I do to garner such violence?” She demanded, practically taunted.

“Jason, please!” Dick insisted, standing between the two and scarcely out of the line of fire.

“You can’t just rape my packmate and get away with it!” Jason shouted, eyes glowing even more, burning green.

“Is that what all this is about? Richard?” Talia’s tone shifted into something mocking, her posture relaxing minutely.

“It’s more than enough.” The younger alpha snarled again and stared at the woman with disgust. “I can’t believe I ever slept with you.”

“You did what?!” Dick looked between them so fast, with such disbelief, that it nearly gave him whiplash. What had Talia been doing, just how far would she go for the sake of manipulation? Dick was disgusted just thinking about it.

“Such ugly words, Jason.” Talia shook her head in disapproval, scolding him like one would a child.

“Not as ugly as you’ll be when I’m done.” Jason lunged and managed to bypass Dick and get in Talia’s face, pinning her against the wall. She didn’t even flinch and merely stared at her attacker, gun still trained on his chest.

There was a scuffle as both alphas fought to disarm each other, the guns were pushed up and shot into the air; Dick wanted to intervene but before he could Jason was roaring and swiping up with his knife, managing to cut into Talia’s cheek at the same time as she pistol whipped him so hard across the face that his nose crunched and started pouring blood in rivulets.

Jason stumbled back a step but lunged again a moment later, he was too blinded by rage and missed the signs of Talia’s movements, only for her to dodge with a snarl and slip behind him, her good arm going around his throat and her injured one digging the gun into his side.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Talia suggested, whispering in Jason’s ear with a hint of her smug smile in her venomous voice, nodding her head towards Dick. “Go on. Ask Richard if he wants me to stop.”

“Dick? What is she talking about?” Jason glanced at the omega from the corner of his eye, trying to shake off the other alpha but locked in a stalemate.

“…” Dick hesitated.

He hated Talia. Hated being in her bed, hated her mark on his neck, hated her voice and cruelty, he hated her with a passion but… She was right, he couldn’t ask her to stop, he was too afraid of the withdrawal and the consequences his rebellion might have for the twins, he was too used to obeying, too much of a slave to his biology and his body’s disturbing addiction to her.

“Dick?” Jason snapped him out his thoughts with an impatient growl.

“Tell him, Richard.” Talia ordered.

“I…” Dick swallowed drily and shook his head. “Leave her alone, Jay. Please.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending her!” Jason was so stunned that he slackened his stance and tried to turn to confront the omega. Talia let go of Jason’s throat but kept the barrel of her gun pressed into his ribs.

“I’m not! It’s just…” Dick sighed in defeat. “It’s complicated.”

“She claimed you against your will. How is that complicated?” Jason shouted, furiously, waving his knife in Talia’s direction, which prompted both alphas to tense with their weapons raised again. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Dick?”

“You’re an alpha, you don’t know what it’s like, Jason!” Dick snapped back, more desperate than angry. “Please, just stop this. I’m begging you.”

“What will you do, Jason?” Talia wondered, she was sweating and looking a little deranged but also much too confident for someone with a bullet in her shoulder and two weapons trained on her. “You know you still need me if you wish to succeed in your plan.”

“So what? I just let you get away with whatever you want?” Jason snarled all over again but something about his stance screamed doubt.

“I say we table this discussion while we still need one another.” Talia suggested with a victorious expression in her bloody ashen face.

“Fine.” Jason raised his hands and, in the process, his weapons as well. “But when all is said and done, I’m coming for you, Talia.”

“I will be waiting.” She nodded and tentatively lowered her own weapon and took a step back.

“Talia!” Ra’s burst in through the door, a horde of guards and curious staff on his heel as he rapidly accessed the situation and pointed an accusing finger at Jason. **“Seize him.”**

The warriors dove at them and attacked at once.

Jason fought back and, out of reflex, shot two of the ninjas before the gun was knocked out of his hand; that didn’t stop him though- Jason was practically frothing at the mouth and fought with superhuman strength and vicious swipes of his knife, tossing the guards around like rag dolls, stabbing them like pin cushions and punching his way through them with such rage and violence that Dick could do nothing but watch in shock and surprise as blood splattered the floors and bodies lined the dining hall.

Dick was snapped out of reverie by the sight of the twins rushing into the room as well, they were clearly aiming for Dick, only to stumble in confusion into the middle of the fight.

Dick shouted and was about to interfere and try to shield the kids when he saw Jason hesitate.

Despite acting like a wild berserker, Jason was just lucid enough to stop dead on his tracks with his bloody fist raised inches from Damian’s face. The boy flinched only a little but didn’t back away, whether he was frozen in surprise or just standing his ground, Dick had no idea.

The guards spotted Jason’s hesitation and those still standing descended upon him like a swarm of locusts, managing to pin him down with immense effort while Dick scooped Damian and Cosmo up and out of the way of the fight.

“It is alright, Father.” Talia stood tall next to Ra’s, who fussed over her bleeding cheek and shoulder for a brief moment, rage flashing in his poisonous eyes. “Jason and I just had a disagreement.”

“Be that as it may, he has spilled Al Ghul blood and must pay for it.” Ra’s glared at Jason’s restrained form, the young alpha was still struggling to fight back and managed to take down yet another ninja before the rest pinned him down with sheer numbers and finally yanked the knife from his hand.

“Indeed.” Talia agreed with a curt nod and addressed the guards. **“Take him to the quiet room.”**

“No! Please! Don’t do that to him!” Dick finally snapped out of his reverie and let go of the children, pleading for mercy as the guards tried to manhandle Jason up to his knees.

“It is only until he calms down.” Talia stated dismissively, too focused on her injuries to even look at Dick.

“Let her do her fucking worst, Dick. I can take it.” Jason growled and snarled, still struggling.

“No, no you can’t. You don’t understand, Jay!” Dick hissed at the young alpha before he knelt submissively in front of Talia and Ra’s. “It was my fault, I provoked him, I should be the one being punished.”

“What the fuck are you doing, Dick?!” Jason shouted, already being dragged away but staring in disbelief at the kneeling omega.

“And you will be, Richard.” Talia agreed suggestively with a steely look in her eyes, her good (but bloody) hand slipping onto Dick’s hair to pull him back up. “Let us have a little chat in private once I’m done treating these injuries.”

Dick hissed softly at the pull of his hair and the unpleasant smell of blood and Lazarus Pit wafting around him, but he stood his ground. “No.”

“Excuse me?” Talia tilted her head, looking mildly surprised.

“Not until you let him out.” Dick pointed at the door from which Jason had already disappeared.

“An ultimatum?” Talia’s eyes narrowed for a second before she turned her back, taking Ra’s offered arm for support and walking away. “Very well, let us see how long you last.”

Dick was left behind with both twins staring at him nervously and a dreadful feeling coiling in his gut.

*

Talia’s threat became clear the moment Dick stepped into his room.

He tried to get Jason out of the quiet room right away but there were too many guards and he feared snapping and hurting them beyond repair. All he could do was take the twins back to their room so he could plan his next move, all the while hoping that Talia was telling the truth and that Jason would be released once he calmed down.

The boys’ room was fine but Dick’s had been ransacked and his few possessions were scattered all over the ground and spilling out into the hallway like a hurricane had gone through them.

Immediately, Dick rushed to his bed to check on his treasures hidden in the seam of his mattress. They hadn’t been discovered and he sighed in relief at that, he had no idea what he would do if Talia got her hands on his photos of the boys.

After making sure his hiding place remained safe, Dick went about gathering his scattered things, wondering what Talia’s people had been looking for. He found out quickly that all his medication was gone, including his suppressants.

Dick felt a shiver of apprehension go through his spine when he realized what Talia’s plan was but he soon discovered that things were even worse than they seemed- he was barred from the infirmary and Ghost was away, there was no way Dick could get help unless Talia allowed it and he knew it would be a matter of days before he went into heat again. 

At that moment, Dick couldn’t hate Talia more but he couldn’t help but wonder how exactly she was punishing him. He had already submitted to Talia, she didn’t need his heats to control him, not unless she planned to ignore them and make him suffer… Then again, he wouldn’t put it past her to do just that.

Nonetheless, he simply assumed she had taken his suppressants in order to see him crack and humiliate himself after his little rebellion. Dick decided he wasn’t going to cave, there were more important things then Talia’s sadism, he needed to help Jason.

The next two days, Dick handed the kids off to the tutors and nannies so he could pace the corridor of the quiet room, wanting to get Jason out but unable to get past the guards that merely watched him impassively like hounds. It was getting on Dick’s nerves but it was a good distraction from the rapidly growing sizzle under his skin, the way his blood seemed to bubble in his veins and his insides twisted more and more each hour.

Dick knew how he smelled, sweet and enticing; he knew what the alpha and beta guards were seeing when they stared at him, he was aware of the flush on his olive skin, the sweat on the back of his neck and the slightly unfocused look in his eye. He knew but he didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to give Talia the satisfaction of seeing him crumble, not until he had Jason out of that hell hole.

Talia… Talia was all he could think about as he paced like a hungry feline and waited for a chance to open the damn door of his nightmares.

She invaded his mind like a parasite, he craved the oasis of her scent and the relief of her touch, he couldn’t stop the images of her copper skin that rose to his mind whenever his focus slipped even a little, and he could sense her grip on his emotions even from far away, he could feel her fingers tangled inside him and pulling at the strings of his lust and frustration. Dick knew what she was doing and he refused to give in, he’d spend his whole heat squirming in that corridor if he had to but he wasn’t leaving until Jason got out.

The only times he left were to put the twins to bed and get them up in the morning, both children were upset by his absence and clingy, sensing the change in Dick and unwilling to let him go but he was too frustrated to care; by day two he went as far as letting them stay up and follow him to the corridor at night, he allowed them to nag the guards and fall asleep against his chest or his back as he held them, so long as it meant he could keep pacing and wait for an opening.

The hours stretched into the night while Dick continued to prowl in a game of wills with the guards, he would have tried to speak to Jason but he knew from experience that the cell was soundproof.

“This has gone too far.” Talia’s voice cut through his daze and the scent of lilacs in an oasis wrapped around him before Dick could really register what was happening. Nonetheless he refused to so much as turn to her.

“I’m not leaving until you let him out.” Dick hissed the words and went right back to pacing, with Damian sleeping in his arms and Cosmo curled on the floor by the wall, sucking his thumb and dozing with his robin plushie.

“The children should be in bed.” Talia spoke with no small amount of irritation and Dick noticed Samir and Fatima looking subdued behind her, they had probably been the ones to tattle on him and the boys.

“So should Jason.” Dick snapped back just loud enough not to wake the boy in his arms.

“You are provoking the guards, omega.” Talia hissed and Dick knew everyone could smell the heat wafting from him.

“Tough.” He scoffed, still pacing a trench into the bland grey floor.

“If you want to tease my men so badly maybe I should simply offer you to them like the little whore you are.” Talia’s voice dropped into a husky threat, so close to her command voice that Dick felt a shiver trying to crawl up his spine.

“If that will get Jason out, go right ahead.” He called her bluff without hesitation, knowing perfectly well that Talia didn’t like to share her toys with anyone.

There was a long tense pause while Talia seethed in her anger, clearly annoyed and sleep deprived though nowhere near as much as Dick himself and he wasn’t going to cave, not even if she dumped one of her orders on him, he was ready to take it and try to fight it if push came to shove. He was ready to fight _her_ if need be.

“Very well, Richard.” Talia acquiesced with a tired roll of her eyes. “Come with me and I will release him.”

“Since when do you negotiate?” Dick didn’t trust the sudden change of heart.

“It is not a negotiation, I am half inclined to have you take Jason’s place.” Talia tsked and crossed her arms sternly.

“Just let him out, I’ll do whatever you want.” Dick didn’t totally mean it, he wouldn’t endure more time in the cell but barring that he was willing to cave to her whims if it meant sparing Jason from more torture.

“Yes, you will.” Talia stated with confidence and then barked at the guards. **“Let him out.”**

A minute later Jason was tumbling out the door of the tiny room and Dick rushed to his side, still holding Damian but desperate to help.

“Jay!” He reached out with his free hand, trying to help his packmate to his feet. “Are you ok?”

“Let go of me!” Jason yelled and shoved Dick away growling and looking wild eyed, confused and trapped as he looked around. His glowing green eyes fell on Talia and he snarled with pure unaltered rage. “Talia!”

Jason tried to stand and attack but his legs buckled under him, probably numb from the tight confines of the cell, he growled in frustration and tried to claw his way back up even though the guards were rapidly surrounding him.

“I did what you wanted, now come along, Richard.” Talia ignored Jason completely, she merely beckoned for Dick to follow her.

“Right.” Dick sighed and once again approached Jason, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Go to bed, Jay. I’ll see you soon.”

Jason was still growling but stopped abruptly when he finally caught a good look (and whiff) of Dick, his brow furrowing in confusion as he stared from the omega to the kids to Talia. Dick didn’t ask what was on Jason’s mind, he didn’t want to know, he simply walked over to Talia and allowed Samir and Fatima to take the twins while he followed the alpha down the hallway.

“Talia!” Jason shouted as they left, his voice filled with rage, insanity and something else, something pained. “Dick!”

Dick winced at the turbulent emotions in the teen’s voice but resisted the urge to turn back, instead he kept following Talia, knowing he was about to walk into his own personal hell for days to come.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out sooner…” Dick murmured, just loud enough that he had no idea whether Jason even heard him. 

*

As predicted, Dick’s heat was complete torture but not in any way that he expected.

Talia didn’t take him to her bedroom, instead she led him to a cold empty room with nothing but a bare mattress. There was no warmth inside those barren grey walls and no way to nest or anything to take comfort in but Talia locked him in there just the same.

For the first few hours he managed to keep sane, pacing the room and listening to the rain outside, occasionally touching himself for any shred of relief. It didn’t last, eventually his own touch wasn’t enough, eventually it hurt to be so alone with no comfort; since being claimed he’d never been alone during a heat and he didn’t know how to handle it, didn’t understand why there was no mate comforting him. He ended up clawing the mark on his neck in desperation.

Dick begged, curled up on the mattress and burning from the inside out, he begged for Talia’s help.

It had been long enough since he had a real heat that he had forgotten how it messed with his head, how it made him feel desperate and vulnerable. The bite on his neck throbbed in time with the burn twisting his insides, his blood felt like lava and all Dick could think of was his alpha, how Talia could make it all better if she just touched him…

“Please… Please… Talia, please…” He pleaded and babbled at nobody, clawing at the naked mattress, frantic for something to nest in while his body rioted against him. He knew Talia had to be sensing what he was feeling, he hoped it would lure her to him.

A day later she was back, looking refreshed in her immaculate sea green dress and golden jewelry, even the bandages on her shoulder and face stole no elegance from her poise, but the look on her beautiful face was one of cruelty and derision.

“Please what, Richard?” She asked, and Dick hadn’t even realized he had started begging the moment her scent hit his nose, his voice little more than a whisper from his parched throat.

“Please, Talia. I’ll do anything, just please…”

“Do you want me to touch you? Is that it? Do you want me to mate you? Yet, is that not why you had Jason attack me?” Talia scolded like he was an unruly pet. “Your alpha is injured because of you, why do you think you deserve any help?”

She was right, he was a lousy omega- he wasn’t submissive enough, he couldn’t protect his packmate, he got his alpha hurt, he broke Bruce’s code, he couldn’t even protect his children from his own mistakes. Dick knew Talia was getting into his head but he couldn’t stop her, inside those lonely dreary walls with his body rebelling against him he believed her every word.

“You’re a failure, Richard. Thanks to you, Jason spent days in the quiet room.” Talia hissed the words like poison, he could feel the heat of her body right there next to him but the words were like a bucket of ice. “Look at yourself, did you really think I would touch you after you got me shot? You’re not even worth a knot, you’re useless even as a pet. You think you could have deserved my beloved? You don’t even deserve my bite, much less his.”

Dick sobbed.

All he wanted was for Talia to hold him, all he wanted was for the twisting in his gut to stop and for the heat to be doused, he just needed a nest and someone to touch him but all he got was the hard feeling of despair and a head full of doubts and pain.

Dick whimpered something unintelligible and Talia pulled his head back by his hair, exposing his throat submissively and speaking darkly into his ear.

“You are going to stay here for the remainder of your heat. Alone.”

“Please, Talia… I’ll do…” He began, only for her to cut him off.

“Anything?” Talia said, completing his plead with a sneer. “You are not worth my effort.”

The door snapped shut behind Talia and locked with an obnoxious clack. And so, Dick was left alone with no nest, no water, no affection, no relief.

The heat devoured him from the inside like a hungry beast, his needy burning body rioting against his hormone-soaked brain, his clouded thoughts poisoning his mind, all of it turning what should be pleasure into pain and frustration.

In his dazed vulnerable state Dick wondered if would go insane again, if that was the point then Talia was doing a great job because Dick couldn’t get her words out of his hazy head- he was a bad omega, he wasn’t worth anyone’s effort, not even good enough to be his alpha’s toy. She was right, all he did was fuck up, he didn’t deserve relief.

Dick knew he should be hating himself for thinking like that, for falling for Talia’s bullshit, a niggling part of his brain told him that he should have expected this, but instead he hated himself because he believed her. Why else would he be alone and abandoned during such a ruthless heat? Why else had Bruce never come find him? Why else did he keep suffering?

All Dick could do was curl up in that damn empty mattress and let the heat consume him, all he could pray for was that when it was all over the world would make sense again.

*

It was a cold but sunny morning when Dick was finally let out of the room by a random guard. The heat had died out hours before but he was still flushed and sweaty so he stumbled back to his room for water and a shower.

By the time he felt human again, Dick had locked away all his negative thoughts from his heat in a metaphorical box in the back of his mind, much like all the other monsters he refused to look at. As predicted, he was angry at himself for letting Talia get into his head but he refused to analyze it too closely, he had done what needed to be done.

From the balcony, he spotted Jason and the boys outside, they were by the cliff. Jason seemed to be teaching them about rifles and he appeared distracted and dazed, looking at nothing in particular while the boys played with the deadly weapons (Dick just hoped they weren’t loaded).

Dick grabbed a bottle from the bathroom and decided to head to the cliff as well, when he got there Jason was looking away into the horizon and absently playing with something around his neck with one hand while the other clutched at a riffle much too tightly.

“Hey, Jay.”

“Jesus, dickface!” Jason jumped, rifle in hand. “Don’t sneak up on people with guns.”

“Baba!” Damian called out, excited, running up to Dick with Cosmo on his heels.

“Sorry.” He mumbled and then turned to hug both children. “Hi, boys. Have you been good?”

“You were gone.” Damian pouted, looking angry and distressed.

Dick winced and pet Damian’s hair gently. “I was, I’m sorry, baby bat. It wasn’t on purpose.”

“Mama take you away.” It wasn’t a question, the boy scowled further.

“Something like that.” Dick sighed and nodded.

“Why?” Damian clung to Dick’s clothes, speaking into his chest.

“She was angry at me.”

“Why?”

Dick bit his lip, glancing at Jason and decided to change the topic. He lifted the bottle he had brough along and said- “Hey, why don’t we play?”

“Bubbles!” Damian tossed his little arms up, the scowl melting away into a look of pure glee. 

“Yeah, bubbles.” Dick chuckled softly. As long as the kids were happy, he was fine.

He opened the bottle of soap and fished out the piece of wire he had fashioned into a blower, Dick proceeded to blow bubbles into the air, watching as the twins abandoned the guns and ran around, jumping up to try and catch as many of the iridescent orbs as they could. Meanwhile, Jason just watched with a pensive expression.

“You don’t smell like her.” The alpha muttered, staring at the bubbles.

“Yeah?” Dick didn’t want to talk about the matter but it seemed Jason wouldn’t be dissuaded.

“I mean, you didn’t sleep with her.” The younger man prodded, frowning impatiently.

“I know what you meant.” Dick replied curtly and drily.

“But you were in heat.”

“Yup.” He popped the ‘p’ sarcastically and blew more bubbles.

“Where were you?” Jason demanded, he still refused to look at the omega and kept glancing over his shoulder.

“Locked up in some room, no big deal.” Dick shrugged and glanced from the bubbles to Jason, hoping to change the topic. “You ok?”

“What does it look like?” Jason grumbled, anxiously reaching to touch the thing around his neck again.

“Like you’re still jumpy.” Dick blew more bubbles and tried to sound as casual as possible. “Did the hallucinations have time to kick in?”

“What would you know about it?” Jason snapped at attention, finally looking at the omega, even though his gaze was filled with mistrust.

“More than I’d like.”

“You knew.” Jason’s eyes narrowed as he stared. “You knew what that place was like.”

“Is that a question?” Dick blew more bubbles and watched the twins chase them, he really didn’t want to think about the quiet room but he figured it was a necessary conversation. He wanted Jason to know he wasn’t alone.

“You tried to get me out.” Jason sounded almost surprised. What did he think? That Dick would just abandon him in there?

“Obviously.”

“How long was I in there?” The alpha frowned but there was anxiety and anger in his voice.

“Two days.” Dick glanced at Jason and then blew more bubbles. “Plenty of time to start going crazy.”

“How long were _you_ in there?” Jason’s staring was starting to get unsettling.

Dick hesitated, he had never wanted to know the answer to that question and he didn’t want to start wondering about it again. “…I don’t know. I didn’t keep track.”

“Why did she put you in there?”

“…” Dick let the question hang.

What was he supposed to do? Tell Jason that he had been shoved in that hell hole because he was trying to protect him from the Lazarus Pit? That Talia was mad because Dick challenged her for Jason’s sake? No, Dick didn’t want to put that on Jason’s shoulders, maybe someday Jason would remember but Dick didn’t want to remember it himself.

The alpha still stared at him, waiting for an answer as the uncomfortable silence stretched between them, he was touching the thing around his neck again and seemed to draw some degree of comfort from it. Dick realized it was a familiar little wooden bird on a cord.

“Glad you kept it.” He changed the subject.

“Kept what?” Jason frowned in confusion.

Dick nodded at the little robin. “The necklace I made you.”

Jason glanced down at the trinket and furrowed his brow in confusion. “…You made this?”

“Well, it was Christmas and I didn’t want you to be left out.” Dick shrugged once again and blew more bubbles before the twins got bored.

Jason didn’t say anything, he just looked at the necklace again, deep in thought, before letting go of it and turning to watch the kids with unfocused eyes.

“Jason, about what you did to Talia…” Dick began, unsure where he was going with this. Should he thank Jason for defending him? Should he berate him for being stupid? Should he apologize for getting the alpha thrown into the cell?

“She deserves worse.” Jason growled under his breath but before Dick could interject, he shifted gears. “So what now, Dick? You going to tell me to leave Talia alone again?”

“No.” Dick shook his head and nodded at the kids. “But I beg you to help us out, Jay.”

“I told you, you’re safer here.” The alpha insisted.

“You know what she’s done and you still think that? How can Bruce be worse than Talia?!” Dick argued, much too loudly, and startled the twins. The boys stopped playing and stared at the adults with apprehension.

“Maybe he’s not but his life is about to become hell and anyone close to him will be in danger!” Jason snapped back, his anger suddenly growing like a wildfire.

Dick’s eyes narrowed at that. “Even Alfred?”

“What?” Jason seemed taken aback by that question, like he hadn’t considered that loose end.

“You’re willing to hurt Alfred too?” Dick knew he wasn’t, no matter how crazed Jason might be, there was no way he’d willingly do anything to Alfred.

“He… He chose his side.” Jason stumbled on his words, looking away with a scowl. “And I can’t let you go off to warn them about what’s coming.”

“I don’t know what’s coming, Jason. What are you going to do?”

“You’ll see. Everyone will see.” Jason growled the ominous words with fire in his green eyes and his scent flaring with rage. 

“Jason…” Dick sighed and let the name hang in the air.

“You can’t convince me to stop, Dick.” Jason snapped. “I’m going to do what Bruce never could and I’m going to knock him off his high horse, he’s going to have to choose and I’m going to watch as he breaks his precious code or dies for it.”

“He’s your father…” Dick began.

“I know that!” Jason interrupted with a sudden outburst of passion. “That’s exactly why he needs to choose!”

With that Jason stood up, he shoved his way past the nervous twins and huffed as he walked away.

“Jason, please!” Dick called out but the alpha ignored him, he tried to follow but the children swarmed him and clung tightly to his clothes. “Jason!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not to happy with this chapter but at least it's done and I can move on with the plot. Also, Brudick Week is coming up and I'm joining that.
> 
> If you want, you can [come ask me things on tumblr](https://valkerymillenia.tumblr.com/) . That includes talking about spoilers, headcanons, other AU's, or just yelling at me for the slow plot. 
> 
> Please comment (don't be afraid to ramble!), I really need the motivation right now...


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